I'M AALLLLLIIIIIVVVVEEEEEE! I am incredibly sorry for the HUGE delay. I hope I never have to make you guys wait that long again. I was still pretty rushed trying to get this chapter, despite the time. I hope you guys do like it. Sorry if I lost any of you due to the time. Ok, I won't procrastinate any longer. Here it is.
Chapter 33
John deleted the name off of his dossier list. Some of these new ones that the Illusive Man was handing him were more of an after thought… Or just something to keep him busy so he couldn't join Jane. Either way, it was aggravating him. Opening his terminal, John looked through his messages. A few more possible recruits showed up in the list and he rolled his eyes. One of them was on Omega, Damn it, I was just there! What the hell is the Illusive Man doing? He was about to close his messages until he saw one from Garrus.
John,
I need to talk to you about a friend of yours. I would put more on here but I feel that the message is being monitored.
-Garrus
It was an odd request, but he didn't feel like Garrus would be messing around. John knew his friend and this sounded urgent. He waited for the connection to be made. It took a while but finally it went through and Garrus's face came up on screen.
"John, thanks for contacting me."
"Hey, Garrus, no problem. I just got finished with something, what's going on?"
Garrus leaned on his console, hanging his head a bit. "I am trying to find out a name of an individual that was on the ship. He must be protected by the Illusive Man because I couldn't get any information from EDI or Miranda when I asked."
"Why would you even be looking into a guy like that? And…. How am I supposed to help?" he asked confused. "I am not really a person with high clearance in Cerberus."
"He said he was friends with you," Garrus hissed. "A man about your height, longer black fringe –"
"For the millionth time… it's called 'hair', Garrus."
Garrus grumbled at John's teasing but continued, "Gray eyes and he had a sword on his back."
John thought for a moment, but there was really only one person he knew with a sword. "Hmm… yeah, it sounds like someone I know. His name is Kai Leng," he gave the information without hesitation. He was talking to his best friend here. But then he wondered if it was the right decision when he saw Garrus snarl. "What the hell did I miss?"
"How can you be friends with that scum?"
"Garrus, what the hell happened?"
"He attacked Jane. She had marks on her throat."
"What!" John brought himself closer to the screen and looked away trying to keep himself calm. He squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing them with his thumb and index finger. "What were they doing? What did Jane do?"
"She said that they were just sparring, but it didn't look like it."
"Look, Garrus, I don't really know the guy. I only met him once and that was by chance. Whatever little bit I know about him is from what Jane told me and she didn't seem too fond of him."
"He called her 'Janey'. It sounds like they were pretty close."
John got quiet. "Yeah… Um… only our dad called her that." He rubbed his brow, "Garrus, I don't know their relationship. I wish I did. But… it's obvious that she keeps things from both of us."
They had just gotten back from their mission on Korlus and Jane was happy with the way everyone was working out on the squad. She had taken Kasumi and Jacob on the mission, thinking it best to try out the newest member and to see how the other Cerberus operative worked when not under Miranda's eye. He had done well and seemed to be a good fit for the Normandy and her crew.
"We'll be moving it down to port cargo in engineering," Jacob said walking over to Jane. "Hell of a thing, you know? Almost like he sacrificed himself for his kin."
"I think, in Okeer's mind, he did. Creating a krogan like that, he must have felt like it was his own child."
"Either way, must have been rough." Jacob shrugged, "I'll make sure they get this down there safely."
Jane only nodded as he walked away. Soon after, Kasumi was standing next to her, facing the direction where Jacob had just left them.
"I gotta say, it's a shame he has to leave, but I love to watch him go."
Jane looked at the thief out of the corner of her eye and smiled. "Oh, well, glad you approve of the crew in that way," she said jokingly.
"Still… I have to say… that Jacob… hmmm… He seems pretty intense. I wonder if he likes Japanese girls with a pension for kleptomania." There was a short silence before she spoke again, "Anyway, see you around, Shepard," and she activated her cloak.
Jane took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. There was so much going through her mind, she wasn't sure she knew how to deal with it all. Turning on her heel, she entered the elevator, figuring she would work on some paperwork. She was barely aware of the time it took to get up to her cabin, just that she had gotten there and had barely been in her cabin for five minutes before she was interrupted.
"Commander," EDI's voice projected through the room.
"Yes, EDI?" Jane sighed.
"You are needed in the conference room. Operatives Lawson and Taylor are in a heated discussion."
"Ugh… this is not what I need right now," Jane mumbled to herself. She quickly made her way back down (now more aware at the lack of hasty descent in the elevator) and entered the room to see the two squaring off at the far end of the table.
"Bringing the krogan to study makes sense but I have concerns about waking it!" Miranda said as she paced.
"Yeah… you've said that a few times now," Jacob replied.
"A normal krogan is dangerous. This one was created and likely educated by a mad man!" Miranda turned to the newest person in the room and stared Shepard down.
Jane wanted to roll her eyes, I know this bitch isn't trying to challenge me right now. In the back of her mind she knew that Miranda was just voicing her opinion and not trying to challenge her authority (probably) but right now Jane's patience was wearing thin. "I see everyone's enjoying the new paperweight. Concerns?"
"We don't know anything about it, Commander."
"I know. You don't find that interesting?" Jane shrugged. She could see Jacob out of the corner of her eye shaking his head and looking down. She couldn't tell if he was enjoying the little power display between the two women or not.
"Krogan fight well at close quarters. Perhaps awakening him in a confined space wouldn't be prudent," Miranda's words carried a very distinct undertone.
"Noted. The cargo hold is safe enough while I decide what to do with him," Jane's words held their own unique sound; one of authority and finality. She could see Miranda hesitate and her mouth twitch as if she wanted to say something but she looked away. The two Cerberus officers left the room with hardly a look to their commander.
Jane waited a few moments after they left before taking a deep breath. Why wouldn't things calm down for one minute? She just felt tired and drained every second of every day. Turning around, she hung her head and headed out of the room. She had managed to make it to the elevator without being stopped and as soon as the doors opened she moved forward only to bump into another body. She felt the familiar grip of turian hands grab her shoulders to steady her.
"Shepard. Sorry, my mistake," Garrus said as he released her.
Jane looked up at him then quickly away, "No. I wasn't watching where I was going." She stepped around him and into the elevator.
"I heard that you found something pretty interesting down there," Garrus said trying to keep up the small talk. He knew that they hadn't really spoken unless it was to argue; maybe this time could be different.
"Yeah," she said in a cut tone.
Maybe not, he sighed inwardly. "Why would someone so fanatical sacrifice himself for one krogan?" he held his hand by the door of the elevator to keep it from closing.
Jane eyed his hand that stopped the door before looking at him again, though just looking at him hurt. "A pure krogan could pack a hell of a punch. We could always use another heavy hitter."
"If he'll help. I doubt anyone asked for his opinion. Just… promise me that you'll have someone with you when you decide to open the tank." He stopped the door again.
"What makes you think I will open it?"
"Come on, Shepard. We both know you." He smiled at her and for a second it seemed like they had regained what they had lost but the moment was cut short when the alarm to the elevator began to sound.
"You better let the door shut. We both know how slow this thing can be."
"Uh… sure. See you around, Shepard." The doors were almost shut as he turned his back to them. When he heard the sudden opening of the doors again he turned around almost excitedly; hopeful that she would be more willing to let him talk to her.
"We're heading to Purgatory for our convict next. You're on the team."
Business… he thought. "Of course. Thanks, Shepard."
She nodded as the doors shut.
Jane awoke with a start. She could feel her biotics humming and pulsing through her veins, small energy pulses fired from her fingertips. Sitting up, she felt her heart pounding in her ears with a defeaning rhythm. She willed herself not to look around; a small part of her consciousness telling her that looking up would be a bad idea. Squeezing her elbows to her side, she tried to steady her hands as the energy flickered into flames from her fingers.
Her heart began to beat faster and she tried to take deep slow breaths but it wasn't working. She could feel the panic attack coming on and there was nothing she could do about it. The short breaths came in almost sob-like gasps. In her frenzied state, she tisted and turned in her covers, the fabric capturing her. She didn't know what she was doing or looking for but she only knew that there was something. Finally, she escaped her fabric prison and fell to the floor, her biotics letting out a small shockwave throughout the cabin. She was faintly aware of the loose items in the room rattling.
Struggling to her feet, she managed a few more steps before she felt another build in power. Squeezing her eyes shut, she bit her lip attempting to hold in the worst of the blast; she succeeded but was rewarded with a sharp pain bringing her to her knees. She yelped and collapsed on the floor.
"EDI… get Joker."
"Already done, Commader. He will be arriving soon. Should I call other help that would be more adept in physical assistance?"
Jane immediately thought about Garrus, "No, I just need Joker to talk me down." She turned to sit on the stairs and put her back to the wall, staring at the empty fish tank.
As if he heard, Joker limped into the room, "Jane, what's going on?"
She glanced his way before squeezing her eyes shut, "Joker… I don't know…" she held her hands up in front of her face and sparks connected her fingertips, a small energy sphere forming in her hands before she pulled them apart and tucked them to her sides.
Joker clenched his jaw and hobbled down the stairs. Grasping the wall, he awkwardly lowered himself down and sat next to Jane. "You're going to be okay. I know it." He put his hand out palm up. "Take my hand."
"No…" she shook her head.
"Come on, do it."
"No, I'll only hurt you."
"I don't care. You are hurt right now. Besides… I know you won't hurt me." He waited, and waited, still looking at his hand until he saw her fingers tentatively slide into his. "See? That wasn't so hard."
Jane chuckled sadly and covered her face with her free hand.
"What's going on, Jane?" he squeezed her hand, "Been using your biotics a bit too much?"
"I actually haven't been using them."
"Maybe that is why they are bothering you now. If you used them more often then maybe they wouldn't be bothering you now."
"I can't…" she shook her head. "I caused so much damage on Omega… what will happen the next time I try to do more? Or push myself to the limit? It seems that whenever I get hurt or someone I love is in a dangerous situation it gets worse."
Joker squeezed her fingers again and looked down, "That's what happened with Garrus, wasn't it?"
It was Jane's turn to look down, "Didn't you already know that?"
"John was pretty tight lipped about what happened. I thought about prodding him or asking Miranda or Jacob about it… but I figured I would let you fill me in on the details."
"I don't know what happened exactly… I was up there with Garrus and then that ship came in," her voice shook as she relived the moment, "He pushed me out of the way when Tarak opened fire. Oh, God… the bullets…" tears threatened to flow as she saw the image again. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to block it out, "The bullets tore right through his armor. When I needed my biotics they failed me!" anger filled her voice and a small pulse escaped her carefully confined barrier. "I just remember looking at him and screaming. I barely even know what I said, just… anything to get him to hold his position but instead of listening he tried to get to me. I tried again to save him but nothing worked," her voice wavered almost uncontrollably but she still held in her tears. She felt Joker's hand leave hers and his arm go over her shoulders to help comfort her.
She took a deep breath and struggled to finish, "The rocket almost landed right on him… John had to pull me away from Garrus. That's when I called you. I opened fire with my pistol, emptying clips at it and when I reached for the grenade launcher… I don't know how to explain it. I couldn't think about anyone but Garrus and how Tarak had taken him from me… and, and…. God dammit… a million other thoughts. Then, I don't know, I felt my biotics flare around me and it was like I wasn't even controlling them. I just threw my hands up and caused one hell of an explosion. John later told me that I passed out for a moment. Completely just collapsed right there. Then woke up and rushed over to Garrus."
He rubbed her back and sighed. "I can't begin to understand what you are going through. But… I know that you can control this. You haven't exactly been awake for very long. Besides… it was one time."
"It didn't just happen once. Before that I was down in the basement with Miranda…"
"Oooh, kinky," Joker whispered, hoping to get a laugh and he was thankful that it worked. She nudged him and rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry… go on."
"I had thrown a barrier up to hold a position and it faltered. Something came over me and it was like I almost went into a self-destruct mode. I basically exploded with what felt like pure biotic energy. I would almost say it was similar to when my biotics first reacted when I was younger." She brought her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on a knee. "I feel like my biotics have a life of their own in my body and I can't control it."
"Okay… so two times."
Jane huffed out a dejected laugh, "And what about what happened up here?"
"That was totally different. You thought you were getting spaced again." He felt her stiffen next to him. "Have you told anyone else about this?"
"No… only you."
"Why haven't you told Chakwas?"
"Short of putting me on meds, I don't think there is much she can do. And I can't rely on medication. That is the last thing I want to do."
"John?"
"You know he would worry too much."
"Ah, yes. True." He paused as he debated whether or not to suggest the next name. "What about Garrus?"
Jane was quiet, "Why would I tell him?"
"Because he is your friend. And of course there is that undeniable attraction you have for the turian."
"I do not –"
"I said undeniable! So don't try to deny it! That is what 'undeniable' means!" he laughed. "Come on, Jane. Just talk to him."
"That's the thing, Joker… I've tried. He doesn't talk to me."
"What? Oh come on… you have to be exaggerating."
"He's just so abrasive. He won't open up to me and he has brushed me off a few times just claiming that he had calibrations to take care of! What a load of shit! He doesn't want to speak to me, Joker! Why should I even keep him on the Normandy?"
"Because you need him. And he needs you, whether he is willing to admit it or not."
Jane took a deep breath and looked down, shaking her head, "Sorry, Joker… but I don't think I believe it. There are those few moments that seem like we have something that we missed… but I have to keep stopping myself so I don't buy into it. It will only hurt even more when he turns me away again."
A long silence fell in the room. Neither knowing, nor feeling, that it was necessary to say anything.
"You still have your music, right?" Joker asked. When Jane nodded, he awkwardly moved positions and placed a lot of his weight on her shoulder to help him stand up. After spending a little bit of time looking for a song he finally settled on one he hoped had the same message the title had suggested. "Help me out here, EDI…" he whispered and the song began to play in the room. He heard a weak chuckle come from Jane. "Kind of appropriate, right?"
"Very appropriate."
The man's voice sang, "You'll be okay, You'll be okay, The sun will rise, To better days. And change will come, It's on its way, Just close your eyes, And let it rain. 'Cause you're never alone, I will always be there, You just carry on, You will understand."
As the intro of the song played, Joker moved over to where Jane sat. She seemed to have calmed down quite a bit and he decided that embarrassing himself could only help, and for her, his pseudo-sister, he would gladly make a fool of himself, "You'll be okay," Joker started to sing (very off key), "You'll be okaaaayy!" he almost laughed at the end of the note. "Just look inside! You know the way!" He smiled at her expression and he could even see that she was closer to laughing. He started to tease her, "Come on, I know you know the words."
"Let it go," Jane sang. "Fly away, And say goodbye, To yesterday." She smiled weakly as she stood up.
Joker joined in and they began to sing an awkward duet, Jane hitting every note and word and Joker trying to keep up with the words he didn't know. "'Cause you're never alone, And I will always be there, You just carry on, You will understand." He paused, allowing Jane to keep the song going, smiling at her as she sang.
"And I will be strong, When love is gone, And I'll carry on..." her voice drifted off after she said the words.
Joker saw the pain in her eyes and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders as a few tears snuck past her well guarded façade. "Jane, in all seriousness, you will be fine. You'll get through this."
"I just don't know what to do, Joker."
"Don't worry, none of us do."
"But you don't have everyone looking at you for what to do next."
"I know, but that's because I couldn't handle it. Not everyone is you. You are tough, and you are capable of much more… even bullshitting your way until you figure it out." He leaned back and smiled at her as she grinned. "Come on, you need to get some sleep. We'll be hitting Purgatory in the morning."
Garrus tossed and turned hoping to will himself to sleep. The only good rest he had recently was when he had been unconscious. He couldn't seem to stop being an asshole to Jane. He had to try harder at being open to her. She was probably dealing with more than he thought.
He sat up and stared at a point on the floor as he reached under the bed and grabbd the box of tea she had given to him. Again, she had thought of him above herself and he had been a complete and total ass. Setting the box down, he checked the time; it was a little late, but if he knew Shepard, there was a chance she was awake.
He got up and exited the main battery; he was oblivious to the lifeless ship around him; his only thoughts being what he would say to Shepard. He entered the elevator and pressed the button. He waited and waited before pressing the button again. When the elevator still didn't move he looked around to see what was wrong.
"EDI? Why is the elevator not working?"
"Shepard has requested that no one is to visit her at the moment."
It didn't make any sense to him, she never (well, almost never) locked people out. "Is she asleep?"
"No."
"Then can you please ask her to see me? I need to make up for a lot of my faults."
"Shepard is unavailable."
"Spirits, EDI!" Garrus hit the wall, "Just tell me why I cannot see her!" he took a deep breath and realized he was getting out of hand again. "Please… tell me what you can about why I cannot see her."
EDI waited for a few moments before replying, "Mr. Moreau is currently in attendance with Commander Shepard."
Though there was no emotion (ever) in EDI's voice but Garrus's mind filled in the blanks where EDI hadn't given him enough information to sate his curiousity. "Jane and Joker?" he whispered. His mind ran miles away with his thoughts, unable to focus on what he should have been. He felt sick. How could he have missed this occurrence? How long had it been going on?
The rational side of his mind tried to shout at him, to make him see that he was being an idiot. Of course nothing is happening between Joker and her! They have been friends for how long? And nothing had ever happened between them before!
As far as you know… the irrational side came back. Garrus raked his talons over his fringe and stormed out of the elevator.
"I fucked it up…" he muttered to himself. "I waited too long… of course she would need someone."
"Here I swear, forever is just a minute to me, I'll take everything in this life, I'll join everyone when I die. Have my body. Have my mind. Have my coat. Take my time. These I borrow. Borrow so far. Turn to dust. Fall apart," the song filled the room, serving its purpose as background noise.
Kasumi rolled her neck, a little bummed out that she had decided to tail Shepard; if she knew it would just be to watch the commander fill out paperwork, she wouldn't have come. But now she had to wait until Shepard left to make her own exit without drawing attention.
"Shepard, if I may inquire about the music," EDI spoke.
"Go ahead."
Kasumi never had any interactions with an AI before but this one seemed to ask a lot of questions and it was surprising that Shepard didn't seem annoyed by it one bit. Hmm… could she be lonely? Looking for a friend? But she seems so calm on the outside. She seems like a loner.
"What is the draw that individuals feel to music?"
"Um… that is a little hard to explain. Music appeals to people in different ways. It is like trying to explain how people find something beautiful. But, for some people, me in particular, music almost speaks to me. It can help clear my head, remember, feel better, even help me channel my emotions. Sometimes, even feeling an emotion a little more can help me get through it."
"I cannot understand how feeling emotional pain or sadness could help one feel better."
"Yeah, emotions don't always make sense. Be glad you don't have them."
Kasumi nodded, Ain't that the truth…
Jane shook her head and sighed, "Sometimes… At least how I know it is for me is that I don't always know how to put something into words. A song can just," she paused in her work and looked up, "it can put my emotions into words. Even if every lyrics don't match up to my situation… It can help me sort out my feelings."
"I believe I am closer to understanding, though I do not completely understand all of it." There was a short pause before EDI spoke again, "Would you like for me to resume the music now?"
"Yes, thank you."
The same song from before began to play, "I'll take everything in this life. I'll join everyone and understand. 'Cause all men die. 'Cause all men die. I'll take everything in this life, I'll join everyone since I'm gonna die, I'll take everything in this life, I'll join everyone 'cause all men die."
As the song faded out, Kasumi speculated about what would play next. What else did Shepard like? Classical? Maybe lyrical or electronic?
"Shepard," EDI spoke up again, "may I choose a song?"
The request took both women (hidden and visible) by surprise. "Um, sure…?" Jane responded.
"There is not a single word in the whole world, That could describe the hurt, The dullest knife just sawing back and forth, And ripping through the softest skin there ever was. How were you to know? Oh, how were you to know? And I, I hate to see your heart break, I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close, But I've been there before, And I, I hate to see your heart break, I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close, But I've been there before."
Jane stopped her work and squeezed her eyes shut, "EDI, you can stop that now," she said a little harshly.
Kasumi was glad that the computer hadn't stopped the song just yet, it was different and certainly seemed to be eliciting a response from Shepard.
"Love happens all the time, To people who aren't kind, And heroes who are blind, Expecting perfect, scripted movie scenes, Who wants an awkward silent mystery? How were you to know? Well, how were you to know-oh-oh?"
"EDI! Please!" Jane placed a hand over her eyes.
The music stopped. "From what you just informed me and from your interactions with –"
Kasumi could feel her eyes get bigger but her excitement was cut short as Jane turned the computer off just before the name was said.
"EDI, just leave it! I really don't know if I can take much more commentary on that subject, especially from an AI!" she snapped. After taking a deep breath, she leaned back in her chair. "I'm sorry, EDI. That is just not something that I want to think about."
"I apologize. I just assumed after hearing the previous conversation on the topic, you would want to work out your feelings before the mission."
"No. Thanks. I've dealt with it for this long, what harm could another few hours do?" she only paused for a few seconds before adding, "And that was rhetorical, please don't answer that."
Dammit… so close! Kasumi thought.
"If you plan on doing another set of rounds before the mission, Commander, I suggest you start now," EDI advised.
"Thank you, EDI."
Finally! Kasumi followed Shepard out and stood across the elevator from the woman. Jane leaned against the wall with her eyes closed, as if she were trying to shut out any kind of emotion from surfacing. With her shoulders slumped over, she covered her face with her hands before taking a deep breath and righting herself. Shepard smoothed out her hair and straightened her uniform just as they hit the floor. Kasumi watched as she left and saw the 'Commander Shepard' façade that she knew was in place. That woman is hiding much more than I ever imagined.
As soon as the doors shut, Kasumi dropped her cloaking to give it a short rest. Hmm… where to next? I really want to know more about what is going on with Shepard. Joker seems to be the one she is closest to. I'll go drop in on him. She sent the elevator back up and reactivated her cloaking just before the doors opened.
Everyone moved about, completely unaware of her existence. It was always fun for her to be snooping like this; she got to see how people really were. As she got closer to the cockpit, someone stood up abruptly. He began to move and Kasumi quickly spun out of the way and flattened herself to the wall, holding her breath. The man paused and looked around before brushing it off and continuing on his way. That was the downside, people often moved unpredictably. Taking a silent deep breath, she continued forward and entered the cockpit, sliding against the wall to find a cozy spot to watch.
Joker stared at his console, his eyes glazed over as he chewed on his thumbnail. He never heard the repeated call of his name from this computer to his left. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew they would be in sight of the prison Purgatory and the ground team would be leaving, but right now he was only worried about Jane. Her biotic episode last night hinted that something bigger was in store for her if she wasn't careful; he hoped she would be ready.
An alarm began to sound, snapping Joker out of his self-induced hypnosis and causing Kasumi to practically jump out of her own skin.
"What? EDI, what the hell is going on?" Joker asked as he scanned the screens before him. The alarm signaled an approaching unknown ship and his stomach dropped, fearing that the Normandy would be destroyed. Again.
The alarm cut off as quickly as it had started and EDI's interface popped up, "I apologize for resorting to that tactic, Mr. Moreau, but you were not answering. If it were possible, I would have thought you had turned off your ears."
"If only…" he mumbled and rolled his eyes. "So, what is it?"
"We are approximately twenty minutes away from Purgatory but I thought you should be more coherent before we need to dock."
"Yeah, yeah… got it."
"Is there something you would like to talk about?"
Joker scoffed, "What are you? My shrink? Nah, I'm good. But, you know, that was a pretty cruel joke to pull on someone. I could have PTSD from the last Normandy and you could have triggered an episode with that little stunt."
"There is nothing in your records to suggest you would have PTSD so I can conclude that it is highly unlikely I would 'trigger' an episode in you. However, you do not seem 'good'."
Joker turned to the blue orb; it was starting to grow on him, not that he would ever admit it. "I'm just worried about Shepard."
Kasumi straightened a bit, Finally! Something interesting!
"She assures me that she is quite alright. But all data indicates that she is not," EDI said. "The conversations I have had with her have been particularly confusing and contradicting."
"Yeah, sounds like her…"
"You have a visitor approaching," EDI notified him before the interface winked out.
For a moment Kasumi worried that EDI somehow sensed she was there. It was impossible, her cloaking was perfect.
Joker spun his chair around and looked down the hallway.
Oh, of course it's someone else coming. Kasumi wanted to laugh at herself for being so paranoid.
"Hey, Garrus," Joker greeted. "You seem to be down here a little early. We won't hit Purgatory for a while. Shepard hasn't even called for you guys yet." He could almost see the turian roll his eyes, What the hell was that for? he wondered.
"Yeah. I know," Garrus answered in a clipped tone.
"Um… okay…" an awkward silence hung in the air between them. "Sooo, what's up with you?"
"Nothing," the turian grumbled and turned towards the air lock.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Garrus, come back here!" He watched the turian stop and Garrus almost seemed to tense with anger (if Joker was reading the alien correctly). But, Garrus didn't turn to face him, "What the hell crawled up your ass and died?"
"I'm fine. Don't worry about it," he said over his shoulder and attempted to leave again but stopped as Joker shouted at him again.
"Seriously, dude, what the fuck?!" Joker leaned forward in his chair and readjusted his hat to look at the turian better. "Whatever this moody front is, you need to get over it. I know that you have seen some shit but no one can help you get through it unless you take a breath and open up."
Kasumi huddled in the corner, suddenly feeling really awkward that she was there. And that was not something that normally happened.
"Who says I want anyone to know what is going on with me?"
"Well, I don't know, maybe if you feel like sticking around here you might want to lighten up. Just a bit. So, I guess in your case it would be to move that stick out of your ass about a half inch or so." Joker took a breath, trying to calm himself before continuing, "Garrus, you have friends here."
"Ha!" Garrus shook his head and almost snarled at Joker. "Who? Like you? And Shepard?"
The words only confused Joker, "Well… yeah."
Garrus turned around to square off with Joker, "Not in my book. But you two seem to be awfully good friends. I guess things changed a lot while I was gone."
Silence settled into the room again as Joker tried to process what had been said. It was so farfetched that he didn't even want to acknowledge it. In almost a whisper, Joker finally spoke up, "Wait… Do you seriously think?... No… Really? You think that Jane and I are…" he could barely form the sentence, "You really think we are together? Like, together, together?" He was only answered by the stony expression of a turian before him. "Let me tell you something, Garrus," Joker said with quiet intensity. Moving forward in his chair he struggled to stand and managed to get to his feet. He couldn't stand straight, he didn't come close to standing eye level with Garrus and wouldn't appear to be a formidable force, but his words held all the strength they needed, "Jane and I have always been close friends, and that won't change. But, just because you won't take your head out of your ass long enough to see what Jane is going through, I have had to step up and be there for her. I know you are dealing with a lot, but she is too. Everything, and I mean everything, she had was taken from her and she has come back to a universe that isn't exactly welcoming and questions her every move. I can't begin to explain all that she is dealing with and even if I could, I wouldn't because it isn't my place. She needs friends just as much as you do but she can't be there for you because you have so effectively pushed her away. If you want to keep playing this role, fine, do what you want but just remember those who you hurt in the process."
He eyed the human before him as the words ate at his resolve. There was nothing he could say. There was nothing to argue over. All he could do was take a step back, both figuratively and literally. He nodded at Joker and stepped away again, "You're right."
"Oh," Joker quietly said, "that went more smoothly than I thought." He shuffled himself back and sat down in his chair again. "Why did you come up here so early?"
Garrus made a turian grimace.
"You were avoiding her, weren't you?"
His mandibles flared in slight embarrassment, "No." Joker eyed him. "Maybe a little."
"Do yourself a favor and talk to her. I don't want to have to beat you senseless."
EDI popped up, "Mr. Moreau, that is highly inadvisable due to your –"
"Yeah! I know, EDI! It's an expression… sort of." Joker turned back to his guest, "Well, you can hang out up here if you want. But I would suggest going to your post to see Shepard on her final rounds."
"I'll just wait for her up here."
"Chicken."
Kasumi waited quietly until Garrus had settled into the co-pilot's chair before making her exit. It was obvious that more juicy information wouldn't be shared and she couldn't wait around until Shepard got there; her cloak would need recharging.
Garrus drummed his talons on the armrest, anxious to get started on the mission as time seemed to crawl. He was even beginning to aggravate himself with how he had been acting. Maybe, talking to her sooner rather than later would be better. He wasn't sure how close they were to docking but maybe he could find Jane before they docked. Standing up, he was about to make his way out of the cockpit when his path was blocked.
"Garrus," Jane greeted. She looked around him to get an eye on Joker, "How close?"
"Purgatory coming into sight now."
"Good to hear," she glanced at Garrus before turning away and heading towards the airlock.
"Wait, Jane," Garrus said quietly moving after her. Her judging look at using her first name wasn't lost on him. "I know I have no right in asking this but, can I please talk with you?"
She raised an eyebrow, "You know, you have interesting timing with all of this. You really couldn't have done this to coincide with rounds?"
Garrus looked down and scratched his fringe, "Um… I guess I just wasn't ready."
"And now, ten minutes after I found your post empty, you are ready?"
"Yes."
"Fine, what is it? You have until we dock. I am not delaying this mission."
"I know and I wouldn't ask you to, Jane. I just want to say –" he cut himself off when he noticed Mordin come into view.
"Oh. Apologies," Mordin started, "did I interrupt something? I can come back."
"No, Mordin," Jane answered, "It's fine. We are about to dock, I need you up here." She looked back to her turian and said quieter, "I'm sorry, Garrus, but you either need to tell me now or after the mission."
Garrus stared back at Jane then glanced at Mordin who was staring at his omni-tool typing away and humming happily. It didn't seem like the salarian was paying attention. What could he even say? What could make up for everything that had gone wrong since he joined the team?
He stared at her, taking in all the details he could: the already worn appearance of her armor, the shapely curve of her hips, the weapons showing from behind her back, her arms crossed over her chest, her pale, foreign skin, and golden hair pulled back in the usual knot, though it was much smaller than he remembered. He raised his hand slightly, wanting to touch her cheek to show how much he cared. It was just one more moment when he wished she could hear subharmonics. Just before his hand came into her view, he lowered it. "There really aren't any words for what I need to say. But, let me just start by saying, I am sorry."
Jane dropped her arms. It was something more than what he had said.
"I don't know what caused me to react the way I have been, but it is inexcusable. I haven't been the friend I should."
"Wha…" Jane looked away from him and readjusted her footing. Clearing her throat, she tried again, "What prompted this?"
He gave a small shrug, "Had to reevaluate how I looked at some things."
Jane couldn't help but smile a little at him but something didn't feel right. "There's something else," she eyed him, "What aren't you telling me?"
Garrus paused before giving a small shrug and a grin, "Nothing. It's not important. It can wait."
She could tell that he was still holding something back. Opening her mouth, she stopped before she uttered a word; she wanted to tell him that she knew him and there was something bothering him, but was it really true? Did she still know him? Giving a short nod, she turned away from him to face the door, waiting to board the prison.
Songs: "You'll be Okay" by A Great Big World, "I'll Take Everything" by James Blunt, "Hate to See Your Heart Break" by Paramore