Chapter 32: Brigading Charlotte
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER MIGHT CAUSE READERS TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST UNDER THE RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES, READ WITH CAUTION AND WHATEVER YOU DO... DON'T EAT ANY ORANGES WHILE READING THIS STORY!
Reimu Hakurei, Sanae Kochiya, Fujiwara No Mokou, Kaguya Houraisan, Dia Kurosawa and Ruby Kurosawa had found food.
The sun hung low in the sky of the Carolinas in all of its blazing glory, casting an infernal cast of jagged shadows across the cracked asphalt and the overgrown fields that stretched out on either side of the highway like a flat world from Minecraft. The Jeep's tires crunched over loose gravel and splintered bones as Reimu slowed their approach, her sharp eyes locking onto movement in the distance... Deer.
At first glance, the creatures looked like any other deer with their tall and graceful forms eerily still in the dying light of the Carolinas and something was definitely sus about them. The way they stood was far too rigid and calculating for any normal-ass deer... like they knew they were being watched. Their eyes gleamed a sickly crimson of evil hyperdeath and reflecting the last rays of the sun like pools of molten blood and heavy death metal.
"Yeah, uh those ain't regular-ass deer, guys... I dunno about y'all but those motherfuckers look cray-cray as shit, like a bunch of necronomical crack-headed fucktards" Sanae muttered, gripping her gun instinctively with trepidation at the sight of these crack-head deer.
Kaguya snobbishly sniffed disdainfully at the sight before her, like a goddess looking down upon a worm "Obviously, look at their eyes and their movements… definitely on crack this is the kind of unnatural bullshit I'd expect from the Carolinas... don't do drugs kids."
Ruby Kurosawa clutched onto Dia Kurosawa's arm and whimpered, "Th-those things look like they want to eat us… like eat our heads off n' shit... they will eat our assholes and down it with blood and Jägermeister."
Fujiwara No Mokou grinned in all of touhou lunatic fuckery. "Good, that means we don't have to feel bad about turning them into fucking dinner... makes kill them a whole lot easier now."
One of the vampiric death deer suddenly jerked its head toward them with an unsettling snap, its jaw unhinging far wider than any normal animal's should... it wasn't just a deer, it was a bitch. The sound of cracking bone echoed through the field as its long, jagged, crooked, bloody and otherworldly fuckwraithed fangs appeared as the deer snarled at the New England Patriots in all of their vampiric glory, it was amazing.
"Yeah nah, fuck that shit... fuck that fucking shit..." Reimu Hakurei deadpanned, already reaching for her weapon known in circles as T̷̷H̷̷E̷ ̷S̷̷K̷̷U̷̷L̷̷L̷̷F̷̷U̷̷C̷̷K̷̷E̷̷R̷ or in the common tongue, a fucking candlestick.
The rest of the demonic deer herd followed suit from their presumptive leader, their mouths splitting and twitching open in grotesque, gaping maws of lamprey mouths and bloodied rotting flesh, their skin writhing unnaturally as if some unspeakable horrors was lurking just beneath the surface of their bodies with testicular fuckrage. Their once delicate and graceful legs twitched violently before launching them forward at an unnatural fuckraged speed, their sharpened hooves digging into the dirt like the cleats of some pissed off athlete, perhaps Senator Armstrong back in his Texas Longhorn days.
"OH HELL NO!" Sanae Kochiya shouted, immediately unloading her clip into the nearest deer like a trigger happy American. The bullets ripped through its body and laying siege upon its meaty flesh, but instead of collapsing like a normal fucking corpse, the godless satanic abomination simply kept coming at them like the T-1000 from Terminator 2 Judgement Day, its wounds sealing shut almost instantly like a fucking bastard and a half.
"Mother fucking fuck! they got regen too?!" Mokou snarled with apoplectic fuckrage, pulling out her flamethrower with divine retributional fuckrage. "Aight, we're cookin' this shit extra mother-fucking crispy, DIE MOTHER-FUCKER DIE!"
Fujiwara No Mokou pulled the trigger and a torrential fuck-barrage of fire erupted out of it, washing over the creatures in a wave of searing deathly fuckdeath. The flames licked at their flesh, their bodies contorting as they screeched against the bowels of death, an unholy symphony of pain that made the air vibrate with purple waves erotic hypnotism.
Some dropped dead into writhing and shrieking lumps of unspeakable flesh, their charred bodies twitching violently on the ground. Others, however didn't give a fuck at all and continued walking... fuck physics they claimed, fuck science too as well.
Dia Kurosawa quickly assessed the situation with elfin fervor. "Ruby, stay behind me cuz these fucking things clearly aren't going down easily! Aim for the head, everyone or they won't fucking die, they're like zombies!"
Reimu Hakurei smirked, raising T̷̷H̷̷E̷ ̷S̷̷K̷̷U̷̷L̷̷L̷̷F̷̷U̷̷C̷̷K̷̷E̷̷R̷ in triumphant fuckrage. "What do you think I've been doing, dumbass?"
With coordinated precision, they fired round after round of fuckrage charged lead, Sanae and Reimu covering the others as Mokou continued bathing the battlefield in fire and bloody death. Kaguya preferred a more refined approach and sliced through the air with a wickedly sharp katana which she had suddenly obtained, she had stolen it from some poor bastard back in Charleston off screen, going all thug life in the process, she decapitated one of the beasts mid-lunge with an infernal swing. Its head rolled across the ground epically, its mouth still opening and closing in grotesque spasms before finally falling still... blood spilling out of its neck like a mortal kombat scene.
Ruby Kurosawa was still trembling, she took a deep breath and screamed bloody murder as she pulled the trigger with fear, her shots finding purchase in the glowing red eyes of another deer and splattering them across the ground with violent fuckrage. It let out a guttural screech before collapsing into a twitching heap of death and hyperdeath.
After a brutal five minutes of gunfire, flames, and raw fuckery, the last of the creatures fell with explosive fuckrage as Reimu had split open its neck and stuffed a grenade inside... causing the piece of shit to explode in a mass of bones and blood altogether in a single blow. The once-peaceful clearing was now a charred, blood-soaked wasteland, the stench of burnt flesh and supernatural rot hanging thick in the air with cataclysmic fuckrage.
Panting heavily after the brutish deathfight, Sanae Kochiya wiped sweat from her brow with a labored movement of extreme epic fuckrage "Jeez Fuck, what the fuck was that?"
Fujiwara No Mokou smirked, nudging one of the corpses with her boot. "Dinner... fuck yeah, Venison."
Reimu Hakurei rolled her eyes, but her stomach growled in agreement and her spastic colon growled in hunger "Fine, but if this shit turns me into a vampire, I'm haunting your dumb ass, Mokou bitch-ass."
Reimu Hakurei pulled out T̷̷H̷̷E̷ ̷S̷̷K̷̷U̷̷L̷̷L̷̷F̷̷U̷̷C̷̷K̷̷E̷̷R̷ and sliced the wicked candlestick through the neck of the vampiric death deer with a sickening slice of elfin fervor, she then gripped its hide and tore open its stomach... causing the guts and innards to spill onto the floor with a sickening squish.
Sanae Kochiya wrinkled her nose as the putrid stench of supernatural organs and half-digested horrors spilled onto the ground like a freshly cracked piñata of death and flesh, blood pooled on the ground and innards coiled out like a sprawled out hose.
"Goddamn Reimu! You could've fucking warned us before playing Fruit Ninja with Satan's livestock" Sanae Kochiya gagged in epic disgust, waving a hand in front of her face and turning away from the gruesome pile of guts which spilt across the floor with elfin fervor.
Reimu Hakurei was unfazed my this bloodied sight of raw guts and gore, she wiped the glistening ichor off T̷̷H̷̷E̷ ̷S̷̷K̷̷U̷̷L̷̷L̷̷F̷̷U̷̷C̷̷K̷̷E̷̷R̷ with all the nonchalance of someone used to gutting creatures that defied both god and nature... Reimu was hardcore and used to blood and heavy metal "You act like we weren't about to do this anyway... after all, whats the difference between gutting an animal and a communist? One makes your nipples hard and the other makes you gag."
Fujiwara No Mokou decidedly crouched down and inspected the carcass with a look of curiosity. "Looks edible enough," she muttered, dipping a finger into the mess of viscera and rubbing it between her fingers like she was some kind of gore loving bitch.
Kaguya looked at the bloody corpse with disgust, her royal colon churned in disgust at this bloodified sight "That is I am not eating that rubbish!"
"Yeah? Well you're a little bitch and a pussy" Mokou shot back with an overweening tone, wiping her hand on Kaguya's sleeve before she could react or move out of the way.
Kaguya let out a scandalized screech of revulsion and horror and immediately went to murder Fujiwara No Mokou with the fury of a thousand fuck-tastic blood moons, but before she could strangle the ghetto-ass bitch, Dia Kurosawa intervened with a very pissed off expression on her face.
"Can we kindly shut the fuck up and get this bullshit over with? The sooner we cook this bloody piece of fuck, the sooner we can get moving and not risk getting mauled by whatever other fuckery this state has waiting for us... the Skibidi Toilets can probably smell the blood."
Reimu Hakurei was still holding the deer's torn-open carcass with bloody fervor, she let out a huff and dropped the mess onto the ground with a wet slap of death. "Fine. Mokou, you're on fire duty... burn it!"
The flamethrower roared to life in Fujiwara No Mokou's epic grasp, belching forth a column of scorching, all-consuming fuckfire that bathed the gutted vampiric death deer in an infernal glow of deathly fuckrage. The raw, wet flesh hissed and popped as the flames licked at it like a roasted chicken, a grotesque symphony of crackling sinew and vaporized blood filling the air with the acrid stench of seared corruption and the sounds of poisoned flesh being burnt clean of its impurities roared through the air. Mokou's grin stretched wide as fuck, her eyes glinting with the kind of sick pleasure only found in arsonists, war criminals and unhinged pyromaniacs.
The blaze spread across the carcass with unholy efficiency, burning away whatever lingering curses or eldritch contaminants still festered in its meat. Dark, tar-like blood oozed out of the charring muscles, sizzling against the ground as the intense heat purified the deer's wicked essence. Bones blackened and cracked under the relentless heat, their marrow bubbling like a witch's brew. The head, still half-intact, twitched pathetically as the residual postmortem spasms of its cursed biology fought against the inevitable.
Mokou, reveling in the hellish display, adjusted her grip on the flamethrower, ensuring that not a single patch of unholy venison was left untouched by the wrath of the fire gods. The flames danced in her crimson eyes, illuminating her face in a twisted display of satisfaction. She wasn't just cooking—she was exorcising the absolute fuck out of this piece of supernatural bullshit, and she was doing it with the kind of reckless enthusiasm that would make even the most deranged pyromaniacs blush acrid fuckrage and blood.
Behind this brutish display of culinary fuckery caused by Fujiwara No Mokou, the others watched with varying degrees of horror, disgust and begrudging respect born out of testicular fuckrage and titillating fuck-fury.
Sanae KOchiya pinched her nose in an act that defined the rest of her life, fighting back the urge to gag. "Holy fucking shit Mokou, you could've just roasted it like a normal person... it's glad knowing you're the same whack-ass motherfucker as ever, Mokou."
"Normal?" Mokou scoffed at the words of Sanae Kochiya, shooting her a sideways glance as the flamethrower continued its cleansing purge. "Bitch, do I look normal?! I'm Special cuz I'm just special!"
Reimu smirked and crossed her arms sordidly and her posture relaxed as she took in the carnage like it was a casual communist-slaying Taco Tuesday. "Gotta say... it's effective as shit though. No way in hell that thing's coming back to life now... time to smoke that deer pack."
Kaguya Houraisan standed far back with a disgusted scowl of raw disgust of epicality, she covered her mouth with her sleeve and sniffed haughtily like a king scoffing upon a dying leper. "This is the single most barbaric display of culinary malpractice I have ever witnessed... where is Thomas Fucking Keller when you need him?"
Fujiwara No Mokou took delight in being a contrarian little bitch to Kaguya's snobbish games, she grinned and turned the flamethrower in Kaguya's direction like a bitch, sending a quick whoosh of fire just close enough to make her yelp and jump back. "And yet you're still gonna eat it because Thomas Keller, he's fucking dead... almost everyone is bitch."
Dia Kurosawa sighed and rubbed her temple as Ruby clung to her, looking like she was trying very hard not to pass out from the raw fuckscene "Lets finish this thing and make the fuck out, and I mean like run away... not that other shit you fucking weirdos."
The powerful words of Dia Kurosawa must've been too much for the flamethrower to handle as the Mokou pulled back with a powerful movement, letting the flamethrower's infernal belch die down in a limp-dick manner. The deer was now a charred blackened husk of ash and blood, radiating intense heat and dripping with molten patriotic fat. It looked less like a meal and more like something that had come from the unspeakable bowels of hell itself which had come to horrify the world in all of its unholy obscene glory.
She kicked the charred remains with her bloody black boot, testing its newfound edibility in such a bizarre manner that it had to have been the actions of a brain damaged foolish fool. "Alright, deer's done... who wants the first bite, bastards?" Mokou grinned epically as she looked at her handiwork which looked like an abomination from hell itself.
The roasted carcass of the vampiric death deer lay before them with elfin fervor, the smoldering god-damn piece of fucking shit was a pile of scorched flesh and eldritch damnation which came from the bowels of hells ruptered sphincter, exorcised by the unrelenting fury of Mokou's flame-spewing wrath. The ground around it was stained black with the oily residue of supernatural blood, and the stench of incinerated sinew thickened the air, wrapping the group in a choking, oppressive miasma that reeked of burnt hair, demonic tar, and a lifetime of regret. The flames had done their work well enough to murder the fuck outta the deer, perhaps too well. What had once been a creature of darkness and bloodthirsty malice was now a grotesque, blackened husk, a monument to overcooked fuckery worthy of the culinary fuckrage of McDonalds.
Sanae gagged with the wrath of a thousand suns, stepping back with her hands on her knees as her spastic colon lurched into full revolt upon hells gate. "Bitch, I ain't eating that shit." Her voice was filled with necronomical disgust, her expression twisted into a mask of disgust so pure it could melt steel beams. She turned away, her body writhing with visible revulsion and fuckrage. "That's the nastiest goddamn thing I've ever seen and I saw a crackhead-ass dude eat his own foot in Atlanta."
Mokou snorted, arms crossed, clearly unbothered by the words of Sanae Kochiya "Bitch please, I've seen crackheads chop off their penis before and sell it to the black market for some drugs in the ghettos, Ain't nobody care about no foot eating cunthead" She gave the charred corpse a rough kick with the toe of her boot, sending a puff of ash into the air. "This is some five-star gourmet shit. Michelin Star. Hell's Kitchen level. Gordon Ramsay himself would cry if he saw this... and I mean cry tears of joys" She turned to the group, flashing a crooked grin. "Or he'd call me a donkey, a fuckhead, a crackhead, a cunt, a wanker, a bellend and throw hands, but either way, somebody is eating this shit"
"Nope... The fuck we aren't," Kaguya retorted, still holding her sleeve over her nose as if it could shield her from the pure, unfiltered demonic attrocity Mokou had unleashed upon the mortal realm of existence below whatever unspeakable bullshit lies beyond us "This isn't food. This is a fucking war crime... man's inhumanity against man."
Reimu, leaning lazily against the Jeep, tilted her head as she regarded the incinerated corpse with mild amusement which caused her to chucklefuck. "I dunno. I mean, at least it's cooked all the way through. Unlike the time I tried to eat the corpse of a dead Fairy back in Gensokyo."
Dia sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose with the utmost disgust which caused her spastic colon to contract epically in the sheer power of disgust which overcame her elfin soul "I can't believe I'm saying this, but even with our options being as limited as they are, this might actually be the worst possible choice for food. This deer has been desecrated harder than the Chiefs offense back in Superbowl 59.
Ruby clung to Ruby Kurosawa like a traumatized little brat, looking up at her older sister Ruby with fear and fuckrage "I-I think it looked better before we killed the fuck out of it…"
Mokou let out an exaggerated groan and threw up her hands in annoyance and mammaristic fuckrage. "Y'all are a bunch of ungrateful little shits. I swear, you could be starving to death, I could put a whole-ass meal in front of you and you'd still turn up your noses like a bunch of hoity-toity aristocrats and scoff like a bunch of fucking babies, eat your fucking food or I'll eat my fucking shorts."
Kaguya Houraisan scowled epically. "That's rich coming from you fuckface, considering you just fucking nuked the damn thing instead of cooking it like a normal, mentally stable person unlike whatever unhinged shit you pulled off on this fucking thing."
Mokou shot her a look. "You're really out here thinking I give a single shit about 'normal'? Bitch, I am a 1,300-year-old immortal who has spent centuries getting into death matches and living exclusively on spite and gasoline fumes until I was reborn in the fucking ghettos unlike your privileged, basement-dwelling ass. I don't 'do' normal." She gestured at the smoldering carcass like a gameshow host presenting a grand prize. "This is peak survival cuisine. If you don't like it, starve and go to hell... oh and make sure not to get raped by Shinki down there.
Sanae Kochiya who was still dry-heaving like a college freshman after losing a battle with raw alcohol itself wiped her mouth and glared. "Mokou, I would literally rather eat the dirt off my shoes than put that thing anywhere near my mouth... I'd rather play with cum coming out of a buffalo's dick, I would rather eat raw eggs!"
Reimu Hakurei smirked, crossing her arms in an all powerful sense of epicality "I dunno, Sanae. You were looking pretty enthusiastic back in Charleston when you had to smoke that weed you found stuck in bug's bunny's fucking asshole!"
"That was bitch!" Sanae shot back, her voice cracking like a five year old on Fortnite, she began bleating annoyingly "That was desperation! That was a life-or-death situation! This? This is self-inflicted fuckery! You chose to do this! We had options! Not this burnt bullshit."
Mokou rolled her eyes so hard it looked like she was about to ascend into another plane of existence from sheer fuckrage which boiled in her infernal heart cast in fuckrage and flamestone. "Bitch, the only option here is survival and if you think you can afford to be picky in a post-apocalyptic Skibidi-raptor-communist-infested hellscape, then you're about one brain cell away from shoving your own head up a zombie's ass and calling it a strategy in military skills like a fucking idiot" She jabbed a finger at the smoldering corpse. "This is protein. This is sustenance. This is gourmet as fuck compared to whatever eldritch sludge is lurking in the next abandoned gas station... like some fuckhead peddling off-brand edibles laced with arsenic.
Kaguya sneered with aristocratic disdain upon the poverty born bitch Mokou, crossing her arms like she was about to deliver a TED Talk on why Mokou was a dumbass of the highest fucking order. "You talk a big game for someone who just turned a perfectly edible deer into a goddamn against the human race! The only way this thing gets past human consumption laws is if there's no humans left alive to enforce them which, I suppose, is technically the case because they all fucking died at the hands of the Skibidi Toilets, but that doesn't mean I'm about to shovel carbonized demon deer ass into my mouth like some feral animal... hmph."
Reimu Hakure whom was thoroughly entertained by the continued beef between these two ex-mortals who have since continued their beef now as human fucklings, let out a lazy chuckle. "So what you're saying is… you'd rather DIE than eat Mokou's cooking?"
"Yes, exactly... fuck Mokou's cooking" Kaguya said flatly.
"Bitch, what?!" Mokou looked so personally offended that it was like Kaguya had just pissed on the American flag and spat in the face of her father's fucking ghost. "I know your privileged moon-born ass ain't out here acting like you wouldn't start licking the fucking sidewalk if you went a full day without food you little shit. Miss 'I Only Eat Exquisite Lunar Cuisine Hand-Fed to Me by Servants Who Speak in Shakespearean Sonnet' headass fuckbitch whorebringer of doom slut fuckhead crackhead ass! Shut the fuck up before I make you eat this shit out of spite cuz I hate your ass more than I hate life itself."
Sanae KOchiya, who was still trying not to dry heave, wiped her mouth with the back of her sleeve in an epic movement of fuckrage. "Bro, I don't care what century you were born in, what you just did back there was culinary terrorism upon culinary terrorism. That thing's not just burnt, it's been fucking exorcised harder than any fucking thing I can think of right now. It's been sent to the shadow realm and dragged back. That deer is so dead, I think it just got drafted into the second World War once again and died five trillion times before being sent back here to die one final time."
RubyKurosawa, who had been silently traumatized this entire time decided to whimper, "I don't wanna eat it..."
Dia Kurosawa sighed so hard it could have blown apart the fucking universe had she not have managed to control herself. "Alright, enough. We're wasting time arguing about this. We have bigger things to worry about than Mokou's… questionable cooking techniques."
Mokou scoffed, "Fine. Fuck y'all. Starve, see if I care. When you're out here gnawing on tree bark and crying for your mommy, I won't be sharing my apocalypse gourmet with you ungrateful bastards because Reimu, you're a bitch, Sanae, you're a hoe, Kaguya you're a rich skank, Dia, you're a bitch who does nothing but nag and Ruby, you're retarded."
Mokou went up to the burnt ass deer and took a big bite, Mokou chewed for exactly three seconds before her entire body violently rejected the ungodly abomination she had just put in her mouth with piss and vinegar. She froze, pupils dilating like she had just unlocked some kind of forbidden knowledge of ancient fuckwraiths, the kind that turns men into gibbering lunatics and makes gods weep tears of blood, sweat and motor oil. Then, with the force of a thousand Aww hell naws, she spat an entire eyeball out of her mouth, the cursed orb landing in the dirt with a wet, squelchy plop which probably could've killed a lesser man.
Kaguya Houraisan, holding the cracked skull of the fallen Skibidi Toilet like some deranged Shakespearean actor, smirked with the haughty aristocratic malice of a woman who had been waiting literal centuries for this moment. "How does Dobbie Don taste, bitch?"
Mokou wiped her mouth aggressively, looking personally betrayed by both existence and her own choices. "I ain't gonna lie," she admitted through clenched teeth, face contorting into an expression of pure fuck-nope. "It tastes like fucking shit... whoops!"
Reimu burst out laughing epically, doubling over like she had just witnessed the single funniest thing in human history. "AHAHAHA! Oh my god, Mokou, you absolute fucking dumbass! You really thought you could just freestyle cook a demon-deer-skeletal-homosexual vampire hybrid with a fucking flamethrower and get away with it?! You Fucking IDIOT!"
Sanae Kochiya whom still struggled with the lingering trauma of even being near the abomination, nearly vomited all across the floor "Jeebus fuck, Mokou, did you even look at what you were cooking before you set it on fire?! That thing had sentience! That thing had regrets! You just ate something that probably still remembers its past life!"
Ruby Kurosawa, already on the verge of tears from the entire situation, whimpered once again "Mokou, are you gonna be okay?"
"Oh yeah..." Mokou responded bluntly, spitting violently into the dirt and glaring at the corpse of her failed meal like it had personally wronged her. "I'm just gonna die in about fifteen minutes, but other than that? I'm great... no fuss."
Dia Kurosawa once again sighed so hard she practically deflated, rubbed her temples. "I swear to god, it's like traveling with a pack of rabid animals. I knew this was going to be a disaster the second I saw Mokou pull out a flamethrower instead of a knife. Just once, can we please have a meal that doesn't involve war crimes and culinary blasphemy?"
Kaguya Houraisan, who was still grinning like the smugest motherfucker alive leaned in and patted Mokou mockingly on the back. "Face it dumbass, you lost. You just got bodied by a deer and a stuck-up lunar princess once again... same as usual sonny boy."
Mokou groaned and dramatically fell onto her back with a movement that could've broken entire nations apart, her arms spread wide as she accepted her fate. "Fuck this, fuck y'all, and fuck that deer. I'm going to go lie in a ditch... I wanna die so I'm going home."
Across the evil sunset horizon of epicality lies the city of Charlotte in all of its evil baseball-filled glory, the land ruled by none other than the utter bastard of tyranny Robert Manfred himself. The city of Charlotte loomed on the horizon like a festering bloodified wound upon the hellish landscape, its skyline pierced by the towering specters of all that was unholy in life, all monuments of the callous assholery of Robert Manfred and his tyrannical grip on the city of Charlotte which made even the strongest of men weep. The setting sun bathed the skyline in a sinister crimson glow of hellish fuckfire, as if the universe itself bled in protest at the sheer fuckery housed within those godforsaken walls. The air carried a malicious death-inducing hum of solaric fuckery, the distant echoes of umpire whistles and the hollow thwack of bats meeting the balls of all who opposed Robert Manfred could be heard from a mile away, such was the fatalistic fuckery that had descended upon this mother fucking city with elfin fervorous fuckrage.
"Look at that evil piece of shit, I'm gonna cut his fucking balls off" Reimu growled, gripping the wheel of their jank-ass ride with the white-knuckled fury of a woman ready to commit the ultimate act of defiance and justice, the annihilation of Robert fucking Manfred.
Sanae Kochiya was perched in the passenger seat, she let out a disgusted snort of fuckrage. "Fucking cock-sucker Robert Manfred, stupid piece of fucking shit I'll squash him with my own hands! What kind of 1984 Orwellian piece of shit is this?!"
Fujiwara no Mokou leaned forward from the back seat, peering out the grimy windshield with the hardened glare of a woman who had seen hell itself which she had many times before and thought Robert Manfred was worse because he is bastard. "That ain't just any Orwellian piece of shit, Sanae. That's Robert Manfred's Orwellian piece of shit. A whole city held hostage by baseball and black magic fuckery! The worst kind of fuckery." She spat out the window, the gob of spit sizzling as it touched the corrupted Charlotte asphalt in the distance with a movement that could break the spirit of the reader themselves.
Kaguya Houraisan of the moon-borne aristocratic fuckfaces of fuckery, scoffed from her seat like the fucking bastard that she was. "Of course it's baseball. The sport of overpaid fat-fucks who run around in circles like a bunch of steroid-induced cokeheads who just learned how to hold a fucking wooden stick. A game turned into a weapon by this absolute buffoonic fuckhead of a dictator." Her voice dripped with sheer haughty fuckrage which boiled in her tits like the magma of hell itself, the kind that only centuries of vendettas and deeply rooted hatred could cultivate yet had happened all so quickly for no reason at all.
Dia Kurosawa took a slow, deep breath which wouldn't kill trillions of fucklings in an alternative universe "Robert Manfred. That name makes me sick. It makes me wanna throw up whatever unspeakable matter i've already consumed. It makes me wanna throw hands at my tits! It makes me wanna throw a motherfucking nuke straight into the center of his stupid baseball fortress and salt the earth with acid so that no game can ever be played there again... fucking maggotistic maggoty maggot."
Ruby Kurosawa meanwhile was curled up in her seat with an ever timorous appearance, clutching a baseball bat of her own with shaking hands. "I-I don't even like baseball, b-but if I have to break some skulls with this, I will..." She gulped, staring wide-eyed at the looming, bloodied skyline which weeped brutishly.
Sanae Kochi-chi-chi-ya slammed her fist on the dashboard of the car with fuck-rage, not fuckrage, shaking their janky-ass vehicle with raw brutish testicular strength. "This ends tonight. We'll storm that fucking city, we'll break his power-obsessed skull and we will free Charlotte from his tyrannical ass. I swear it in the name of fuckrage itself and that is a written fact."
Reimu HAHAHAkurei nodded, her grip on the wheel tightening with biblical fuckrage as the vehicle sped forward, the city drawing closer. "No more baseball tyranny. No more Robert Manfred. We end this. We end him and close out the fucking inning like a champ."
And after those forsaken words of Reimu Hakurei which were souted out with elfin fervor and a fuckrage unseen since the dawn of time, the New England Patriots barreled toward the heart of Charlotte, their destiny intertwined with the fall of one man and his godforsaken baseball empire.
Reimu Hakurei rememebered the words of LA Knight upon the PARA-RAID device and filled her with a sense of fuckrage that was impossible to comprehend...
The PARA-RAID device crackled to life with the voice of LA Knight and his iconic drunken slur, it was clear and commanding despite the static and drunken slur. "Reimu-chan, we've got intel on the next target and oh baby does it suck monkey butts. Your next destination is Charlotte, North Carolina. It's been under the iron fist of Rob Manfred and he's a real piece of work. Manfred's set up a dystopian surveillance state over there at Charlotte, North Carolina. he got cameras on every corner, drones patrolling the skies and Skibidi Toilets acting as enforcers so he can assassinate whoever dares to oppose his oppressive rule and his fucked up surveillance state. He's got the whole city locked down tighter than the pussy of Rias Gremory."
Reimu listened intently to the words of LA Knight, her expression hardening with disgust and fuckrage at the shit he was describing and also with his crude hentai analogies which disgusted her to all hell.
"Robert Manfred's reign of terror has turned Charlotte into a living dystopian nightmare of piss and vinegar. Civilians are living in constant fear of his wrath and any sign of resistance is crushed instantly. People disappear without a trace and are crushed and anyone caught defying his rules is either brainwashed or worse... killed off in the batting cages like a fuckin' Danganronpa execution... he's got some twisted partnership with the Skibidi Toilets, using them to maintain his grip on power like the piece of shit he is..."
Fujiwara No Mokou frowned at the words received by LA Knight, glancing at Reimu Hakurei. "Sounds like we've got our work cut out for us with this Rob Manfred fucker. What's our plan of attack, LA Knight-Kun?"
LA Knight continued, his voice steady and authoritative. "First, you'll need to disable the surveillance network which operates in Charlotte, North Carolina. Without it, Manfred loses his eyes and ears because he's a lazy fuck who doesn't bother doing shit. There's a main control center in the heart of the city of Charlotte. It's heavily guarded with motherfuckers, but if you can take it out, you'll cripple his ability to monitor your stankin' asses with the leering eyes of his perverted guards."
Reimu Hakurei stared ahead at the blood-red horizon of Charlotte, her knuckles white against the wheel with Steel Vengeance, her fingers clenched so hard that her own nails had dug into her palms, drawing thin rivulets of divine fuckrage in the form of blood and sweat and tears. The words of LA Knight echoed through the parched wasteland of her mind, each syllable dripping with the absolute stank of injustice and Orwellian 1984 bullshit tyranny in the form of baseball and shit.
"Rias Gremory's pussy—" She shuddered at the disgusting hentai analogy of the LA Knight. She would never forgive him for that because it was fucking weird. But she had bigger things to worry about, Robert Fucking Manfred.
The name itself made her want to kill and strangle a fucking infant. It made her want to purge everything she has ever eaten in the entire history of her lineage at once. It made her want to smite the entire sport of baseball from the face of the Earth with the sheer divine might of the Hakurei lineage which she once had until recently, which pissed her off even more so she sought destruction of all that was unholy.
She could see it in her mind's 3rd eye, the hellhole that was Charlotte under Manfred's Orwellian rule. The city streets lined with the skeletal remains of those who had dared speak out against his reign of umpirical terror like the little bitch that he was. The ominous hum of surveillance drones, their mechanical eyes darting across the city like the ever-watchful gaze of some omnipotent baseball overlord. The Skibidi Toilets which had ruined the world... those grotesque abominations of brain-rot and death, marching in perfect unholy synchronicity with their ever omnipresent chants of Skibidi Skibidi Skibidi their presence a testament to the sheer fucked up alliance Manfred had forged with the worst forces imaginable... fucking bitch.
She saw them dragging civilians into the batting cages in her fire-forged mind, their cries for mercy drowned out by the mechanical thunk of baseball launchers, the rubber-coated orbs of doom slamming into their bodies with the force of a thousand nukes descending upon human-kind which ruined all lives in their wake.
"People disappear without a trace... crushed in the batting cages like a fuckin' Danganronpa execution... like Leon Fucking Kuwata"
Reimu's teeth clenched hard enough to shatter diamonds and shit... Charlotte was a city that had forgotten joy as a concept in itself. A city where people lived in perpetual fear, where the mere mention of the Commissioner's name was enough to send grown-ass men into shivering fits of piss-stained terroristic fuckwraithian fuck-fear. A city where resistance was a distant memory, stamped out under the endless, oppressive regime of baseball tyranny and baseballism and Reimu was going to fucking end it with elfin fervor and joyous laughter.
She would tear down the surveillance network. She would purge the Skibidi Toilets with the wrath of an old testament deity. She would hunt Robert Manfred down and she would make sure that motherfucker never got to see another fucking baseball again... she would turn his bones into broth and turn his neck into a delicacy, she would roast his balls in her hibachi!
Her breath came out in ragged, barely restrained growls of pure unfiltered apoplectic FUCKRAGE. She could feel the divine power of the Hakurei bloodline coursing through her veins though it never existed anymore and was thus a delusion from her pissed off little brain... demanding atonement, demanding vengeance, demanding the annihilation of every single piece of baseball-related fuckery in Charlotte to hell and back, to hell and back.
Mokou and Sanae must have noticed her trembling, because they both exchanged cautious glances upon Reimu Hakurei due to the testicular fuckrage imbedded in her soul, would it dare threaten to consoom her soul?
"Reimu... bitch-ass" Mokou began, her voice unusually hesitant for once in her mother-fucking life as if she could sense the sheer fucking biblical fuckrage building inside the fuckwraithed soul of Reimu Hakurei. But Reimu wasn't listening and was stuck in the trance of whatever LSD-trip bullshit she was going through... though this was the real shit, trust me y'all.
She remembered the voices of the oppressed, the screams of those crushed beneath baseball tyranny, the crack of bats against human testicles, tits and skulls in Manfred's monstrous batting cages of death.
She remembered LA Knight's words. "Manfred's got the whole city locked down tighter than the pussy of Rias Gremory" and she would never forgive him for saying that cringe shit. But more than that… she would never forgive Robert Manfred for his crimes against humanity despite being a fucking hypocrite who has killed many herself, Reimu wasn't mad at herself but mad at Manfred because Reimu is the fucking HERO of this story, the MAIN CHARACTER! She inhaled sharply through her nose like she was fucking kirby. Exhaled slowly and then began fucking the steering wheel with her digits which drew blood out of the steering wheel somehow. "We liberate Charlotte, tonight... New England Patriots."