Disclaimer: Marjorie Dursley belongs to JK Rowling.

Chapter 2: McGonagall

Aunt Marge's Big Mistake

"Chapter two: Aunt Marge's Big Mistake," Professor McGonagall read upon taking up the book.

"Is she the one you blew up, Harry?" Hermione asked. Harry nodded.

"You blew up your aunt?" Seamus Finnigan said excitedly.

"She deserved it," Harry said.

"Harry!" Hermione squeaked.

"She did! She's even worse than Uncle Vernon."

"Worse? How could she be worse?" said Seamus.

"Just wait."

The first part of the chapter, however, did not mention Aunt Marge at all. Instead, it was a report on the muggle news about the escape of the notorious murderer Sirius Black—which of course was old news to practically all of the students, although it sounded a little bit weird, not to mention vague, coming from the telly.

"'Hang on!' barked Uncle Vernon, staring furiously at the reporter. 'You didn't tell us where that maniac's escaped from! What use is that? Lunatic could be coming up the street right now!'"

"If only," Harry grumbled.

Only then did Vernon inform Harry that his sister would be coming for a week. And Aunt Marge had quite as many offences to her name as Uncle Vernon did. Whacking a four-year old Harry in the shins was only the start.

"'A few years later, she had turned up at Christmas with a computerised robot for Dudley and a box of dog biscuits for Harry—' oh, good Lord. She is that bad," Professor McGonagall said. Not even Snape contradicted her. The book painted quite the ugly picture of the woman even before she arrived. Vernon, for his part, wanted to keep the peace, even if he was a menacing arse about it.

"'And thirdly,' said Uncle Vernon, his mean little eyes now slits in his great purple face, 'we've told Marge you attend St. Brutus's Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys.'"

Some people laughed. "There's no such place!" Dean Thomas exclaimed.

Hermione wrinkled her nose: "I don't think there's even a St. Brutus. And she fell for that?"

"Of course she did," Harry said. "She'd buy anything as long as it made me look bad."

In the book, Vernon simply left Harry to stew, but then, Harry got the idea to get Vernon to sign his permission form in exchange for being good during Marge's visit. "That's a rather clever scheme," McGonagall said, looking to Snape. "Perhaps Mr. Potter would have done well in Slytherin."

That didn't amuse Harry, but he did appreciate the look on Snape's face. "Such a pity it obviously didn't work, then," Snape replied acidly.

It also didn't help that Vernon threatened to "knock the stuffing out of" Harry is he let anything slip to Aunt Marge.

"Hang on. Better make a note there," Tonks said. "Vernon never actually beat him in the earlier books. Didn't even really threaten him. That escalation's a warning sign."

"Unfortunately, it tends to happen as the children get older," Snape said. The newer teachers, who had not known him as a student stopped and stared at him. "You do not spend over a decade as a head of house without learning such things," he defended himself.

"Except when it comes to Mr Potter," Professor Sprout observed.

Snape's look turned darker. That had been a deep struggle for him to accept. Yes, he had been blinded by his hatred for Potter's father. He didn't answer. Luckily, Dumbledore intervened with, "I believe we have already discussed this, Pomona. Please continue, Minerva."

The school laughed at the description of Aunt Marge: a large, purple-faced woman with a prominent moustache, who was being followed by an ill-tempered bulldog named Ripper. The Dursleys didn't seem to like her that much either. At least, Aunt Petunia had to pay Dudley to hug her, and not small change, either. ("Honestly, the depths they'll sink to in bad parenting," McGonagall said.)

Predictably, Marge also approved of Harry even less than the Dursleys did, although as Harry himself pointed out in the book, her sending him to an orphanage would have been an improvement. Not to mention she was even more enthusiastic about Harry needing a beating than her brother, which prompted gasps of horror from many of the students.

"'I still don't like your tone, boy,' she said. 'If you can speak of your beatings in that casual way, they clearly aren't hitting you hard enough. Well, the number of times Mr Potter has gone to the Infirmary…Petunia, I'd write if I were you. Make it clear that you approve the use of extreme force in this boy's case.'"

"I don't think any muggle schools do that anymore," Hermione sniffed.

"Ugh. It's a good thing Filch is gone," Harry muttered.

"And Umbridge probably would've let him sooner or later," Fred pointed out.

Marge's temperament didn't improve throughout the week, and she seemed intent on insulting Harry every chance she got. "'It's one of the basic rules of breeding,' she said. 'You see it all the time with dogs. If there's something wrong with the bitch, there'll be something wrong with the pup—'"

There was an uproar from the Great Hall. They'd heard plenty of insults directed at Harry by now, but that was going too far. Professor McGonagall normally would have quieted them down at once, but at the moment, she was staring at Snape expectantly. Snape, for his part, had gone dangerously quiet, seemingly glaring holes in the air.

Harry's reaction in the book was quieter, but no less forceful, making Marge's wineglass shatter in her hand with uncontrolled magic. It was only by luck that Marge took the blame, claiming she could shatter a wineglass with her bare hand and had in fact done it before.

"That's a little scary," Ron muttered.

"Yeah, it was kinda weird," Harry agreed. "I'm still pretty sure it was me."

Harry fought off the urge to curse Marge by memorising his broom servicing manual, but as the week drew to a close, and with Marge drinking heavily, it was clear the stress was wearing on him. The drinking only served to highlight how gross she and the entire family were.

"'Pardon me. But I do like to see a healthy-sized boy,' she went on, winking at Dudley. Pfft. 'Healthy-sized.' Just when I think we've seen everything that's wrong with them."

"Perhaps we should see about removing him from his parents," Professor Sprout suggested.

"That's not normally our procedure," said Kingsley, "but if we go after the Dursleys at some point, we'll have to anyway."

McGonagall winced as Marge lit into Harry and his mother. She could hear the angry murmurs rising from around the Great Hall again, but she tried to power through it. In the book, Harry was doing much the same. "Grasp your broom firmly by the—tail? Mr Potter, I think you must have misread that. I'm sure you know that tail damage is the first thing that will make a broom stop performing properly."

"Maybe it was the base of the tail?" Tonks suggested.

"Perhaps. In any case…But he couldn't remember what came next…"

James was next on the woman's list: "'As I expected!' said Aunt Marge, taking a huge swig of brandy and wiping her chin on her sleeve.—Ugh.—'A no-account, good-for-nothing, lazy scrounger who—'

"'He was not,' said Harry suddenly. The table went very quiet. Harry was shaking all over. He had never felt so angry in his life. Oh, dear. This isn't going to end well, is it?" McGonagall continued.

"'MORE BRANDY!" yelled Uncle Vernon—" Though she refused to shout the words like her colleagues. "—who had gone very white. Honestly, I cannot fathom how he thought that would be a wise distraction technique. He emptied the bottle into Aunt Marge's glass. 'You, boy,' he snarled at Harry. 'Go to bed, go on—' Well, at least that was a smart move." And it might have worked too, had Aunt Marge not insisted Harry stay so she could berate him some more. Minerva worried someone in the Great Hall might lose their head, but next thing, Harry snapped in the book and caused Marge to inflate like a balloon. Privett Drive descended into chaos.

Harry did what even McGonagall thought was the smart thing in that case and made a break for it in confusion. "Harry tore from the dining room before anyone could stop him, heading for the cupboard under the stairs. The cupboard door burst magically open when he reached it. Goodness! Two, possibly three bouts of accidental magic, and from a school-aged boy. It normally takes extreme pressure to build up that kind of stress."

"It sounds like that's exactly what it was, Minerva," Filius pointed out.

"I suppose so," she replied.

At the Gryffindor Table, Hermione and Ron were staring at Harry with knowing looks. They remembered his mostly-private experiments with wandless magic last week. Maybe there was more to this scene than met the eye. Harry, however, just shrugged it off, although he didn't notice that Malfoy was also staring at him from across the Great Hall.

McGonagall she finished the chapter as Harry left the Dursley's house, threatening Vernon to do so. "'She deserved it,' Harry said, breathing very fast. 'She deserved what she got.'"

"Go, Harry!" several people yelled. Tonks might have been one of them.

Kingsley sighed when the chapter ended. "Not a very safe option," she observed, "running away with no plan or magical resources."

"Hey, it's still probably better than staying there, Kings," Tonks pointed out. "He might've blown up someone else."