Suction Time, Synergy
Crossover series- Suction Cup Man
Summary: The Misfits. Plotting more ways to annoy Jem, find themselves on the receiving end when Suction Cup Man climbs their building.
Content Warning: Mild violence, heavy language
It's a crisp afternoon atop the Misfits Music office building, where the Misfits—Pizzazz, Roxy, and Stormer—are gathered in a heated meeting, their voices bouncing off the sleek glass walls of the conference room. Pizzazz slams a fist on the table, her green hair practically vibrating with rage. "Jem's outselling us again! How does that bubblegum princess keep topping the charts?" Roxy snarls, tossing a sales report across the table, while Stormer fidgets nervously, muttering something about maybe trying a new sound. Eric Raymond, their sleazy manager, slouches in his chair, barely listening. His eyes are glued to the floor-to-ceiling window behind them, where something bizarre is unfolding.
"Uh… there's a man climbing the building with suction cups," Eric mumbles, his voice flat, like he's half-asleep or just too jaded to care. The Misfits whip around, jaws dropping as they spot a figure in a purple shirt scaling the glass like some deranged spider. It's Suction Cup Man, his suction cups popping rhythmically against the window—thwop, thwop, thwop—a guitar slung across his back and a grin plastered on his face.
Pizzazz storms to the window, her platform boots clacking furiously. "Who the hell is this clown?" she snaps, banging on the glass. Suction Cup Man pauses, peering in with mock curiosity. "Oh, hey, didn't mean to crash your little tea party! What's with the giant birds' nest hairdos, anyway? You hiding snacks up there?" He cackles, pressing his face to the glass and smushing his nose flat.
Roxy's eyes narrow to slits. "What'd you just say, freak? Get off our building before I come out there and shove those suction cups where the sun don't shine!" Suction Cup Man just laughs harder, unsticking one hand to flip her off. "Lady, I don't even know who you are! Some washed-up punk band, I'm guessing? I'm just here for the view."
Stormer, ever the peacemaker, tries to chime in. "Um, maybe we should just ignore him? He's not worth—" but Pizzazz cuts her off, screeching, "Ignore him? He's mocking us!" She bangs the window again, and Suction Cup Man starts mimicking her, pounding his fist in sync. "Ooh, big tough rockstar! What's your deal, huh? Jem stealing your thunder?"
Eric finally snaps out of his daze, rubbing his temples. "Can someone call security? This is ridiculous." But before anyone can move, Suction Cup Man slings his guitar around, strumming a few jarring chords. "Hey, I wrote you a song!" he shouts, then belts out at the top of his lungs: "EAT SHIT!" He repeats it, screaming the lyrics over and over, his voice muffled but piercing through the glass. The Misfits freeze, dumbfounded, as he thrashes his head like he's performing at a sold-out stadium.
Pizzazz's face turns beet red. "You little—" she starts, but Suction Cup Man cuts her off, grinning wickedly. "Hey, what do you have in common with a tampon? You're both stuck-up cunts!" Roxy lunges at the window like she's about to smash through it, roaring, "I'll kill him!" Stormer grabs her arm, pleading, "Roxy, no, you'll break the glass!" Meanwhile, Eric just sinks lower in his chair, muttering, "I need a raise."
Suction Cup Man doubles over laughing, nearly losing his grip on the building. "Oh man, you guys are too easy! What's next, gonna cry about your glittery rival? 'Wah, Jem's so much better!'" Pizzazz grabs a chair and hurls it at the window, but the reinforced glass barely rattles. "You're dead, suction freak!" she yells, her voice cracking with fury.
Undeterred, Suction Cup Man keeps going, shouting insults between chuckles. "Hey, green-hair, did you borrow that outfit from a thrift store mannequin? And you, blonde—your face looks like a road map of bad decisions!" Roxy kicks the wall, swearing, while Stormer buries her face in her hands. "This is a nightmare," she whimpers.
Finally, Eric stands up, smoothing his suit with exaggerated calm. "Alright, that's enough. I'm calling the cops." He pulls out his phone, but Suction Cup Man just waves cheerily. "Aw, don't be sore losers! Tell Jem I said hi!" With that, he starts his descent, still cackling, leaving the Misfits seething in a mix of rage and disbelief. Pizzazz glares out the window, fists clenched. "This isn't over," she hisses, as Suction Cup Man's obnoxious laughter echoes faintly from below.
A few days later, the scene shifts to the Starlight Music offices, where Jerrica Benton is working at her desk, her vibrant blonde hair catching the sunlight streaming through the window. She glances up and does a double-take—there's a familiar figure in a purple shirt scaling the building, suction cups popping against the glass. Smiling, she slides the window open and leans out. "Hey there! You're the suction cup guy, right?"
Suction Cup Man pauses mid-climb, blinking in surprise. "Wait, you're not fuming mad? No yelling, no chair-throwing?" He adjusts his grip, tilting his head. "I'm used to a different vibe—Business Dummy tried to sue me, North Korea shot missiles at me, and those Misfits chicks? Hoo boy, they wanted my head on a spike!"
Jerrica laughs, resting her chin on her hand. "I heard about that. They were not happy. Pizzazz called you a 'suction-cupped menace' in a rant to the press." Suction Cup Man snorts, grinning wide. "Yeah, I've got a talent for pissing people off. But you—you're chill. What's your deal?"
She shrugs, her tone warm. "I'm Jerrica. I run Starlight Music. I figure if you're crazy enough to climb buildings, you've got a story worth hearing. Is it dangerous, though? All that climbing?" Suction Cup Man puffs out his chest. "Ha! You can't kill Suction Cup Man! I've got a parachute tucked in here—safety first, you know." He pats his backpack, then adds casually, "Oh, and I did die once. Climbed right out of Hell. True story."
Jerrica's eyes widen, her smile faltering for a second. "You… climbed out of Hell?" He nods like it's no big deal. "Yeah, long story. Devil wasn't a fan of my suction cups." She shakes her head, half-laughing, half-stunned, then notices the guitar strapped to his back. "You play?"
"Oh, you bet!" He slings it around and strums a few chords, belting out, "Suction Cup Man is coming 'round, my sucking powers have no bounds!" He pauses, grinning. "There's more, but it gets kinda vulgar." Jerrica claps lightly. "It's catchy! Not really my brand—too edgy for Starlight—but I like it."
"Fair enough," he says, giving her a mock salute. "Well, catch you later, Jerrica. Gotta finish this climb!" He resumes his ascent, humming to himself as she waves goodbye, still chuckling.
A week later, he's back, scaling Starlight Music again. This time, Jerrica's at the window with her friends—Kimber, Aja, Shana—and her boyfriend, Rio. They're all peering out as Suction Cup Man clambers up, spotting them. "Hey, Jerrica! Brought the crew, huh? You guys catch that big concert last night?"
Kimber perks up. "Yeah, it was amazing! The afterparty was wild—did you go?" Suction Cup Man laughs. "Nah, I didn't go, but I climbed the building! Best view of the chaos." He squints at Rio, pointing. "Hey, wait a sec—you're the purple-haired guy, right? Jerrica's boyfriend?"
Jerrica nods, smiling. "Yeah, that's Rio. We've been together a while." Suction Cup Man tilts his head, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Really? 'Cause he was hanging off Jem at that afterparty. Like, literally—arms around her and everything." The air freezes. Jerrica's smile vanishes as she turns to Rio, who suddenly looks like he's swallowed a lemon. "Rio," she says, her voice tight, "we need to have a talk."
Rio stammers, "Jerrica, it's not what you—it was just—" but Suction Cup Man's already moving on, oblivious to the drama he's sparked. "Da dada dada, Suction Cup Man, look at me go!" he sings, strumming his guitar as he climbs higher, leaving the group in stunned silence. Aja mutters, "Well, that escalated," while Kimber smirks, "Guy's got a knack for stirring the pot." Suction Cup Man disappears over the roofline, his cheerful tune echoing faintly behind him.
Two weeks later, Suction Cup Man is back at Starlight Music, scaling the building with his usual flair. He pauses outside Jerrica's window, tapping the glass with a suction cup until she slides it open, greeting him with a curious smile. "Hey, Jerrica! Saw something weird the other day—some creepy German dude hassling Jem. Looked like a real sleaze. What's up with that?"
Jerrica sighs, leaning on the sill. "Oh, that's Riot from the Stingers. He's been obsessed with Jem for a while—keeps trying to push his way into her life. It's exhausting, honestly. The Stingers are talented, but Riot's a creep." Suction Cup Man rubs his chin, a mischievous spark lighting up his eyes. "Hmmmm, I got an idea! Give me a couple days—I'll handle this!" Before Jerrica can ask what he means, he's already climbing again, humming to himself with a grin.
Three days later, at the swanky hotel where the Stingers are staying, Riot, Rapture, and Minx are lounging in their penthouse suite. The room's all sleek furniture and gold accents, fitting their over-the-top rockstar vibe. Suddenly, there's a strange thwop-thwop sound at the window. Riot glances over, then freezes, his jaw dropping. Scaling the glass isn't Suction Cup Man with his usual gear—no, this time he's strapped on an arsenal of adult toys, dildos with tiny suction cups stuck to his arms, legs, and chest. He's climbing with them, leaving a trail of absurdity on the window.
"I'm Penis Man!" he bellows, smushing his face against the glass and cackling like a lunatic. The Stingers leap to their feet, horrified. Rapture shrieks, "What in the hell is that?!" Minx clutches her pearls (or whatever spiky accessory she's wearing), stammering in her German accent, "Disgusting! Get him away!" Riot storms to the window, his perfectly styled blonde hair practically bristling with rage. "You filthy little goblin, what do you think you're doing?!"
Suction Cup Man—or Penis Man, as he's dubbed himself—grins wider, unsticking one dildo-covered hand to wave. "Oh, hey, fancy-pants! Heard you've been creeping on Jem, so I thought I'd drop by and give you a taste of your own medicine! How's it feel to have something unwanted all up in your face, huh?" He waggles a suction-cupped toy at them, and Rapture gags dramatically.
"You're a repulsive pig!" Riot roars, banging on the glass. "I'll have you arrested, you vulgar freak!" Suction Cup Man just laughs, strumming his guitar with one hand while clinging to the window. "Aw, don't like the show? Here's a song for ya—'Riot's a dick, a slimy prick, chasing Jem with his tiny—'" The rest is drowned out by Minx hurling a champagne flute at the window, which shatters harmlessly against the reinforced glass.
"Get lost, you perverted clown!" she snaps, while Rapture chants some nonsense about cleansing the room's energy. Suction Cup Man keeps going, shouting, "Hey, blondie, your hair's so big it's got its own zip code! And you, spooky chick—your astrology crap's dumber than a bag of hammers!" He cackles, dodging a shoe Riot flings at the window. "Oh, and Minxie, those leather pants? They're screaming for mercy!"
The Stingers are a mix of fury and disgust, their pristine rockstar image crumbling under the onslaught of crude insults and the sheer absurdity of a man covered in adult toys climbing their hotel. Riot's face is purple with rage. "I'll ruin you for this, you degenerate!" Suction Cup Man just winks. "Good luck, pretty boy—I've climbed out of worse than your tantrums!" With that, he starts his descent, still laughing, leaving the Stingers seething and vowing revenge as the sound of thwop-thwop-thwop fades into the night.
The day after Suction Cup Man's outrageous Stingers confrontation, he's back at Starlight Music, scaling up to Jerrica's window with his usual suction cups. She opens it with a grin, leaning out. "Hey, you! I saw the news—'Penis Man Terrorizes Stingers Hotel.' I laughed way harder than I should've."
Suction Cup Man chuckles, pausing his climb. "Glad I could brighten your day! Those Stingers were pissed—screaming their heads off. Worth it, though." Jerrica nods, then lowers her voice conspiratorially. "Oh, you'll love this. A contact at Misfits Music told me the Stingers are meeting with the Misfits this afternoon. Business Dummy's even joining by speakerphone. Wanna bet what—or who—they're talking about?"
His eyes light up. "Oh, I'm crashing that party for sure. They're gonna regret ever crossing me!" Jerrica smirks, then adds, "Here's a little ammo for you: the Misfits' leader, Pizzazz? Her real name's Phyllis. She hates when people call her that. Might come in handy." Suction Cup Man nods, grinning wickedly. "Phyllis, huh? Oh, this is gonna be good. Thanks, Jerrica!" He gives her a thumbs-up and continues his climb, already plotting.
That afternoon, at the Misfits Music office, the meeting's in full swing. Pizzazz (aka Phyllis), Roxy, and Stormer sit around the conference table with Riot, Rapture, and Minx from the Stingers. Eric Raymond lounges in his chair, half-listening, while Business Dummy's voice crackles over the speakerphone, droning about legal action. The tension's thick—Riot's still fuming about the "Penis Man" debacle, and Pizzazz is ranting about Jem when a familiar thwop-thwop interrupts. They turn to the window, and there's Suction Cup Man, back with his regular gear, grinning like a maniac.
"What's the matter, Riot? Mad those rubber dicks were bigger than yours? Eat shit, kraut!" he yells, banging on the glass. The room erupts—Riot leaps up, snarling, "You again?!" while Pizzazz screeches, "Not this clown!" Suction Cup Man digs into a bag slung over his shoulder, pulling out a handful of the leftover dildos from his Stingers stunt. "Here, I brought presents—now you've got something to go fuck yourselves with!" He hurls them through the open window, and they bounce across the table. Roxy swats one sway, swearing, while Minx shrieks in disgust. Eric Raymond snorts, trying to hide a laugh at the "rubber dicks" jab, but quickly covers it with a cough.
Business Dummy's voice booms over the speaker. "You! Suction Cup Man! You're a menace—I'll bury you in lawsuits!" Suction Cup Man just cackles. "Oh, shut it, Dummy! Go polish your briefcase, you corporate stiff!" He turns back to the group, zeroing in on Pizzazz. "Hey, I wrote you a song!" He slings his guitar around, strumming a chaotic tune, and starts bellowing, "Phyllis! Phyllis! PHYLLIS!" over and over, his voice grating and gleeful.
Pizzazz's face goes from red to purple, her eyes blazing. "Do NOT call me that!" she screams, slamming her fists on the table. But it only eggs him on—he keeps singing, "Phyllis, Phyllis, PHYLLIS!" louder and louder, dancing on the ledge outside. Blinded by rage, Pizzazz charges at the window, shrieking, "I'll kill you!" She doesn't stop—her momentum carries her right through the open frame. There's a collective gasp as she plummets, hitting the street below with a sickening thud.
Suction Cup Man peers down, then throws his head back, laughing. "Fucking dumbass! Guess Phyllis couldn't handle the heat!" The room falls dead silent. The Misfits and Stingers stare out the window, horrified, jaws slack. Roxy whispers, "Oh my God," while Stormer covers her mouth. Riot's too stunned to speak, and even Business Dummy's line goes quiet before a faint click signals he's hung up. Suction Cup Man shrugs, still chuckling, and resumes his climb, leaving them to process the chaos.
The next day, Jerrica visits Pizzazz in the hospital. She's alive, miraculously, but encased in a full-body cast, only her furious eyes and a sliver of green hair visible. Jerrica stands by the bed with Stormer, who sighs, "It's tragic, but she had to know better than to charge him like that." Jerrica nods, sympathetic but firm. "Yeah, he's a loose cannon. She didn't stand a chance."
Before Pizzazz can respond—muffled groans are all she can manage—a familiar thwop-thwop starts up outside. Jerrica and Stormer turn to see Suction Cup Man scaling the hospital window, grinning as he spots Pizzazz. "Hey, Phyllis! Looking good in that mummy getup! Ready for round two?" Pizzazz's eyes widen in helpless rage, a pitiful moan escaping through the cast as he starts strumming his guitar again, serenading her with more taunts. Jerrica shakes her head, half-amused, half-exasperated, while Stormer mutters, "This guy's never gonna quit, is he?"