Slim's Big Open

by MustangSallie

Slim hears a conversation between Doctor Sam and Mort. When he hears the words. " he's going to die and soon" he thinks they are talking about himself. He goes about straightening out his life while upending Jess' without saying a word. Story is told by Jess Harper.

Slim's Big Open

Summary:

What was it that his Ma used to say about curiosity? Oh yeah, 'curiosity killed the cat'. If only he had not been so stubborn! There was no use for it now. It was his own damn fault. He had signed his own death warrant.

Slim overhears a conversation between Doc Sam and Mort and mistakenly thinks they're talking about himself. When he hears the words "he's going to die soon", he sets about straightening out his life and upending Jess' without saying a word. Story is told by Jess Harper.

Author's Note:

John Smith was born on March 6, 1931 and it is in his honor that I post this story.

Chapter 1 ~ The Promise

His life, as he knew it, died that spring day, least ways that's how he told me. The sunny breezes did not even touch his tortured soul. He was gonna die and no one could save him. Not Sam, not even Andy for all his book learning. He was gonna die and soon. It explained the headaches he'd been having ever since his fall. He hadn't wanted to scare Daisy or worry me, his best Pard, so he had casually mentioned a trip to town and seen Sam without telling me, anything about it. Wish he had, it would have saved us all a whole lot of grief.

They say that you shouldn't look back and they're right, 'cause you can't do anything about changing the past, but I sure do wish I had gone with him. It was only a checkup, for darn sake! I had seen him get sick a few times and had mentioned it to him. I knew he got dizzy when he stood up but I figured that he was still healing. My Pard was a better patient than I. When Sam says lie down for a week, Slim lies down. Me? Not so much. Which makes this whole thing so hard to figure out. Why was he still dizzy?

He insisted on going to town alone, so I bid him a reluctant goodbye and went out to fix fences with Mike. Our thirteen year old son loved doing chores, go figure! Anyway, when we got home, Daisy told me that Slim was in our room. He had come home sooner than expected but went into our room and wouldn't come out.

I tapped on the door and called his name and he told me to go away! When he gets ornery that way, I let him have his space. But it was now time for bed. What did he expect me to do? Sleeping on the floor was not an ideal solution.

"Hey, Pard. Let me in, it's time for bed."

"Go away."

"What did you say?" He had kept me out of the room all day now. I couldn't sleep in my own bed?

"Come on , Slim. Open up." I rattled the door knob. " If you want, I won't even talk to you," I wheedled.

After while the door opened and a dishelved Slim Sherman appeared. I gulped. He looked positively ill, like he'd aged ten years. He'd been crying too. I itched to fling my arms around him but held myself back, waiting for a sign that he'd welcome my touch. But all he did was open the door and turn away.

I undressed in the dark and slipped between the cool sheets. I could barely see him in the dark room. He was lying on his back, fingers laced behind his head, staring at his space on the ceiling. We both could hear each other's breaths. He turned slowly and I felt his eyes on me.

"Jess, if I were to go away, would you promise me something?"

I sucked in my breath. 'Go away, why the heck would he do that?' But I dutifully answered, " of course. " And I waited with baited breath.

"Would you promise to take care of Mike and Daisy and the ranch? You would be free to hire or fire anyone and act as Mike's Guardian for ranch business. "

" For how long?"

There was silence then. My hands got all clammy and I sat up try to still my hammering heart. Just as I was about to haul off and slug him, he spoke slowly,

"I'm going to my Big Open, Jess. I don't know how long I'll be gone. But I need to know that you would take care of everyone and everything here, no questions asked. "

This was serious, about as serious as it gets. I still had no idea why he thought he needed to get away. It was clear that he didn't want company.

"Can you at least tell me where you're going?"

"No."

It was so final. I felt my aching heart slam to the floor. This would not be home without him. I got up, walked gingerly around my bed, feeling my way in the dark and sank down on his mattress near his side. I wanted to try and convince him to stay but it felt that it was past time for that.

"O.K. Slim," I vowed solemnly, "I promise to take care of everyone and everything on this ranch until you return but if I even hear of you being sick or hurt or in trouble, I'm coming after you. Deal?"

We clasped our hands together, our Brotherhood Scars scrapping gently against each other in the dark.

Chapter 2 ~The Letter

The next day it was like nothing ever happened, in fact life went on as usual. School ended for the summer and we took Mike to Cheyenne for a celebratory reward. He had the highest grades in the school and we were very proud of our boy. I hadn't told Mike of Slim's very strange request nor had Slim even mentioned it, yet it weighed on my heart. Every time I had to go to the north pasture to round up strays, or to stock a line cabin or even to town, I held my breath, afraid of not finding him when I returned. But spring days and early summer ones passed and he never said a word. He did however continue to get dizzy. I couldn't ask Sam as I knew he'd tell me it was private information so I wrote Andy asking for advice. I wish I had received his letter first because one day Mike and I rode home after a fishing trip to find my best friend gone.

"Where did Slim go?" Mike asked as he led Spirit into the barn.

I sucked in my breath. At first I was too stunned to speak. Then I got angry. 'How dare he leave without saying goodbye!' I yanked the door open to get some answers but when I found Daisy weeping, I froze. Slim had gone to parts unknown for a length of time leaving us, his family, behind with no answers and no hope.

"How long has he been gone?" I demanded, shaking her, none to gently.

"Not very long Jess." She lifted her distraught eyes to mine. "He wouldn't tell me where he was going. He didn't say when he would return. He took his rifle and his gun, some food and he emptied his clothes drawers. He said he left a letter for you. Oh, and he told me he loved me and that it wasn't my fault or Mike's or yours. It was something he had to do while he still had time. He asked me to remind you of your promise. "

"What promise was that, Jess?" Mike asked.

I reached out and pulled him close. His blue eyes were filled with confusion and fear. I could feel him trembling. He needed my strength but dadgum, I needed my Pard. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to catch up with him but more than that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to change his mind. "Which way did he go?" I asked Daisy over his head.

"Towards town."

"Maybe I can still reach him. Mike stay here, I'll be back!" I turned towards Daisy, suddenly acutely aware that I had manhandled her. "Daisy, I'm.."

I didn't get far as she flung her arms around me. "You didn't mean to hurt me, Jess. I know that. You're just worried about Slim. We both are. You go find him and bring him home where he belongs."

I mounted and turned Traveler towards the trail to town. There were several routes I could take to find him provided he really went that way. There were so many tracks that I didn't even bother looking down but kept my gaze fixed forward, my guts churning. I knew what it took to leave a place, to leave home. Something or someone was forcing Slim to leave. I was determined to discover which one was responsible.

Finally, I saw him in the distance riding along with no care in the world. As soon as I got close enough, I yelled at him. He slowed, surprised to see me.

"Home's that way," I jerked my head backwards to the ranch, trying for a gentle tone.

"I know."

I grabbed the reins tight, everything in me ramping up to throttle him. For a minute I thought I might be able to if I could get the jump on him. But I couldn't. He weighed more than me, not to mention them long legs and arms. Besides all it would accomplish is a busted lip or rib. He was gonna go and there wasn't anything I could do to convince him to stay.

"Why?" My voice sounded strange in the stillness around me.

"I've got to go, Jess, before it's too late. If I don't there won't be time later. You'll be fine, you all will."

It sounded vaguely familiar, so familiar that it might have been me a few years ago. I swallowed hard, almost choking on the bile in my throat.

"You won't like it, the Big Open," I decided to coax him back to safety, to home. " It's full of loneliness and longing and homesickness. It will be you alone no back up. Come on Pard, tell me what's wrong. We always work better together don't we?" It was a low blow but I was fast running out of ideas.

"I wrote you a letter, explaining everything. I've got to go, Jess. " He straightened, squared his shoulders and looked me in the eye. For a long minute we didn't speak. I didn't think I could. I had the feeling that I was never gonna see him again. The feeling was tearing me in two.

"You're right, Jess. We do fight better together. But I have to do this. You'll be fine, all of you will be. Thanks for being such a good friend. " He paused then and I felt his eyes graze my very soul. His hand fell on my knee.

"Now I know why you can never say that word," He turned and rode away from me. I sat astride Traveler watching my best friend ride out of my life forever. When all I saw was dust I turned reluctantly and headed towards home without him.

The envelope on his desk was addressed to me. I slipped off my gloves and rammed them into my pocket. My hands were shaky as I grabbed a knife to open it. Daisy and Mike looked on as I pulled out several sheaths of paper. Two sheets were addressed to Daisy, three for Mike and the rest of the contents were mine. Mike took his letter into his room and shut the door. I waited a few minutes. Although the door was closed I could hear his tears and I slowly got up, catching Daisy's eye. She frowned and shook her head. I ignored her. Our boy needed me.

He was crying, tears sliding down his cheeks, the letter clutched in his hand. His body shook against mine as he sobbed. No longer a proud thirteen year old, he was reduced to the scared youngster I had first held so long ago. He had needed me then and he needed me now. Unlike last time, I had no answers. But I did have his heart and I did my best to soothe him with words of comfort and fatherly love and when he wore himself out, l laid him down on his bed.

Daisy watched me warily when I returned to the main room. "He'll be alright, Daisy. Once he gets over the shock. How about you?" I was concerned about the way her eyes looked, so forlorn and confused.

"Maybe he explains it better to you." Her voice shook but her hand on my shoulder was gentle and she slowly walked into the kitchen to prepare dinner. I went to our room, grabbed the bottle of medicinal whiskey we had stashed under my bed and went out to the porch to find answers.

Chapter 3 ~ Dear Jess

I could tell that he had a hard time writing it. The papers were smudged and looked wrinkled and some words were crossed out. Slim usually wrote in pencil. I recalled that he had said it was easier 'cause he could erase his mistakes but there was a formality maybe that's the wrong word. This was ink. It felt permanent . I took a huge swallow of the amber liquid and felt it burn all the way to my toes. I skimmed the pages quickly looking for his tells. All I got were the same phrases he had used before: " too late," "all would be fine" "not my fault" and the last one, "something he had to do. "

Nothing made sense. I forced myself to read every word again and at last the picture became clear. Someone had told him he was gonna die and soon. He needed me to take care of Mike and Daisy and Andy and the ranch. He didn't trust anyone else. I crumbled the pages in my fist. "How the heck am I supposed to hold the place together when we were falling apart?' I felt lost and alone and scared for the first time in a long while. 'Stands to reason, I guess, one-half of me is missing.'

It was too quiet and I forced myself to walk up the hill to the family graveyard. Slim went there to remember his family. Tonight I went seeking answers. A small part of me knew that his Pa wouldn't see my tears or hear my yell but this was as close to my missing friend as I could get.

"Dear Jess,

This is one of the hardest letters I have ever had to write. I am going to tell you the truth of why I must go away. I hope in the end that you won't judge me or hate me for what I must do but understand and forgive me. I have never lied to you and I don't intend to now.

You know of course about my getting sick and the dizzy spells but you don't know that the headaches had gotten worse and sometimes I couldn't write the reports for the stage office. I know you grieved over your Life Lesson on doing the books, but I couldn't focus on the numbers for a long time. Everything would turn upside down and slide apart and I didn't trust myself any more.

Although I knew that my visit wasn't scheduled, I expected Sam to see me in short order. I was surprised when he seemed distracted and short. "Take off your shirt and lie down. I'll be back," he instructed me. It got boring looking at the ceiling so I slid carefully off the table to see if he'd forgotten me. I was just about to open the door when I heard Sam talking to Mort. Their voices were low, maybe so they wouldn't disturb me but I could hear enough.

They were talking about someone they both knew and that someone was in Sam's office – me! Mort asked Sam if I was getting better and Sam said no. He had thought that bed rest was the answer but the condition had taken a turn for the worst.

"He's going to die," Sam said. All the air in the room was sucked out and I staggered under the pronouncement.

"Can't you do anything?" Mort's voice broke.

"He needs an operation. He needs a surgeon. There's only two men that I know of who would attempt it. There 's an Army doctor out of FT. Garland and Doctor Andrew Sherman in Boston. It may be too late. He's going to die and soon."

"Have you told his family?"

"No, not yet."

I had heard enough. I staggered back to the table. I had a lot to be grateful for, a prosperous ranch, a loving family, the best Pard, a great brother, respect. The list went on and wound its way around the breadth of my heart. But my thoughts kept riding around our family. You'd be alright without me wouldn't you? After the shock, they'd have the steady, reassuring presence of you and the loving arms of Daisy.

As I lay on the cold table waiting for the inevitable words of doom, I remembered Mike. I had to protect his future. I waited until Sam walked Mort out. I waited for him to tell me the bad news but he didn't say anything so I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I'm not afraid to die. I faced death in the war. The only thing is that I'm leaving you and Andy, Mike and Daisy. I'll never live long enough to see Mike grow up and Andy get married. But I have to stop thinking like that or I'll never get through this.

Long ago, when Mike was young, I said to you that I hoped he would go to Andy's school some day. I began to save for it. There's enough money, Jess, for one year – room and board and books and tuition. I think he needs to see what's beyond our fences, to meet kids his own age, to see if he wants to be a veterinarian or a people doctor, a teacher or a lawyer. If after a year he wants to come home and be a rancher, so be it. You'll know it's what he truly wants to do.

I changed my will and the deed to add Mike with you as his guardian as well as his father. That way, he will have a say and be protected if something happens to you. Speaking of which, I hope you don't volunteer to be a weekend deputy anymore.

Hire someone to help you, Jess. You can't do it alone. Don't let your pride get in the way. I trusted you with my life and my dreams and I trust you now with our son and his future.

Don't come after me. I won't put you and the family through my hopeless final days. I want you to remember the good tines not the bad. Thank you for being my friend. Your loyalty and your brotherly love means everything to me and I know I never would have been able to do half of what I accomplished if you didn't stand beside me. I'm asking you to do that now, Pard.

'Til we meet again

Slim."

Chapter 4 Day by Day

The first few days ware a blur. We ate and drank and did our chores. Stages came and went and days went by. Nights found me pacing in the yard, too pent up to sleep or having a night dream. Mike even slept on Slim's bed a time or two so he could wake me up. People especially Mose and Charlie began to notice Slim's absence and we lied and said he was away visiting Andy. I wondered if that was even true.

One morning as I struggled to shave, Mike suggested that we write down what we had to do, what we wanted to do and what could keep. He told me that it had been a month and we were far behind on chores. I hadn't realized he was keeping an eye on it. It became our rule of the day and we actually found it easier. We worked well together and he threw himself into work that was previously beyond him, like shaping horse shoes at the forge, or finding strays. He wasn't strong enough to chop wood but he could chop kindling for the stove and he took great pride in that. He even volunteered for dish duty so Daisy could rest. I was proud of him and said so.

After that first night when I hollered at the graves of his family, I stopped going up to the Sherman graveyard. Sometimes when coming hone from town on a weekly run for supplies, I stopped at the lake where we had met and sorted out my feelings before heading home. I kept my fears hidden but my anger at Sam and Mort for not talking to Slim grew and one day I exploded. Turns out that was the only time I yelled and slugged a sheriff and didn't land in jail!

We had multiples of supplies to buy 'cause we were low on everything. Even without our "hay eater" what I had affectionately called Slim, we were out of flour and salt and coffee. I volunteered to drive to town hoping Slim had contacted someone. He hadn't and I knew it was gonna be a lonely drive home. I stopped at Windy's for a drink. I wasn't in the mood for company. I was lost in memories of Slim and me in this very bar, laughing, singing, playing poker. Sometimes he carried me home, sometimes I nudged him in the direction of the bat wings. I suddenly had the urge to howl at the moon and took a huge swallow of liquor. The swallow gave way to more and before I knew it, the bottle was empty.

I heard my name being called from a distance and met the dark brown eyes of Mort Cory.

"Well, young man, what do you have to say for yourself? "

"Uh?"

"You're drunk, Jess. You need to give me your gun before you hurt someone. "

"Like you?" I sneered, feeling my hatred growing.

"Jess, I don't know where this hatred is coming from but you need to give me your gun." He tried again. I could keep this up all day, I thought.

"You're not setting a very good example for Mike, you know," he continued.

I couldn't help it. All the pent up rage spew out of me and I hauled myself to my wobbly feet. "Oh, and I suppose your high and mighty self is doing a better job!"

"Jess, give me your gun." I could tell he was getting frustrated. The patrons in the bar had gone quiet, eyeing both of us. I could hear chairs scrapping against the floor. I leaned over and grabbed the table edge as everything began to swing.

"I'll go quietly, if you tell me why you lied to Slim." There! That ought to get him! I eyed him, daring him to do something. I was faster with my gun and he knew it.

"Jess, I haven't seen Slim in weeks. I never lie to him." He continued in a calm voice.

"You and Sam knew he was gonna die and you did nothing for him. You didn't even talk to us. I hate you for that. He rode away knowing he was gonna die and now we don't know where he is and you are responsible! "

I ignored Slim's voice in my ear. I felt my anger and hurt and despair roll over me in waves and before I knew what was happening, I hauled off and swung at Mort. I connected with his jaw and stood over his body on the saloon floor. "Don't anybody touch him! He's a lying bastard and he deserves everything that's coming to him!"

Several men edged to Mort's side and drew their weapons. "Don't!" Mort thundered.

I blinked and saw in an instant what I had done. My life was over. I had hit a sheriff and I was going to jail. I had lost the ranch and Mike.

"Jess, give me your gun."

"No!"

"Don't make me ask again."

I blinked, remembering in a flash the time I had pulled a gun on Slim. He wouldn't be too proud of me now. I held out my wrists. "Ok, Mort. Take me to jail" I mumbled and promptly collapsed onto the bar room floor.

Chapter 5 ~ The Case of Mistaken Identity

I woke to someone calling my name from afar. My head was pounding and someone had draped a cloth over my eyes. Probably good olé Slim. He always took care of me when I was sick or hurt. I reached out for him, " Slim, hey Sl– Slim.."

Surprisingly there was no answer and then I remembered. It all came back in slow motion. My life was over. I had hit Mort and in front of witnesses. I could see it now. Daisy would move to Denver taking Mike with her. Andy would come back and sell the ranch and me? A hundred years in solitary in no name Mexico. I fought the urge to be sick.

"Good, you're awake. How about I take a look at you?"

I turned at the sound of Sam's voice. The world slid around me.

"You really tied one on, Jess. You'll be dizzy for a bit so my advice is keep those blue eyes covered for awhile. Do you feel like you're going to be sick?"

"No."

"Alright if that changes just talk to Mort."

"Why should I talk to him? "

I heard them talking and someone shoved a bowl into my hands. The same hands grabbed me and sat me up against the jail cell's wall. I fought the nausea and the fear in equal measure. I had been in worse situations before. I could get out of this one, right? 'Yeah but Slim had my back and he wasn't here no more,' the little voice in my head warned me.

"Jess, we need to talk with you."

I looked up at Sam and Mort and turned away. Ok, maybe not my best move, but I was so mad and sick and worried and every other thing there was in the whole world! They didn't move and then Mort did something surprising. He laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Son," his voice was so gentle I almost cried," we need to talk with you. It's gonna be hard for all of us but we have to understand the situation. "

I gave up my pride. This was about Slim, after all.

"How about some coffee?" Sam offered.

I took the cup and slowly drank the welcoming brew. Sam sat on the edge of the lumpy cot and Mort leaned against the iron bars.

"Jess, I have two examining rooms in my office," he began. 'Nothing new to me.' When Slim came to see me, he did not have an appointment. "

That got my attention. I distinctly remember him saying it was a checkup.

"I asked him to take off his shirt and stay on the table and I would be right back. Mort was outside and needed to talk to me. He asked about my patient. Jess, listen carefully, we were talking about my patient in the room next to Slim. He had been kicked by a mule the week before and the wound got infected. Gangrene had set in and I had to remove his leg. He had a young family with a baby on the way. I was hoping that I could save his other leg and had not told his wife the gravity of the situation because she was due to deliver any day. We weren't talking about Slim!"

I forgot to breathe. I could see Slim in my mind's eye listening and feeling his life flow out of him. Everything he had said to me made sense but had been based on a mistake. There was still the matter of his dizziness, though.

"Sam, what about his getting sick and the dizzy spells?"

"Jess, Slim needs an operation. Unfortunately, I'm not able to do it. He needs a surgeon. I had discussed this with him but I did not think, at the time, that he would need it. I thought with bed rest it would get better. "

"It didn't."

"I knew that immediately, the minute I saw him that day. I told him the symptoms would get worse. That's the last time I saw him."

"What happened to your other patient? " I already had a good idea.

"He lived long enough to know he had a son."

"So what you're telling me is that my best friend, who needs an operation, is riding around the big open, thinking he's gonna die?

Chapter 6 ~ Two Lost Souls

Slim knew he was getting worse. The swaying of the train compartment had caused him to be sick three times already. If not for the fact that he was starving, he wouldn't have eaten at all, fearing it would come up again. He hadn't shaved in weeks having lost his razor somewhere along the trail. His clothes hung on his bony frame and the headaches were worse now. He figured that the end was in sight and was grateful that he was too far away from Jess to make their last goodbye possible. As it was, with Boston in sight, he would just about have time with Andy before he crossed the golden trail to heaven.

The man in the dark grey coat with fur lapels eyed the sick man across the aisle. Whatever was wrong with him did not was appear to be life threatening but one could never be to sure. He probably needed to lie down but seeing that he was on the aisle seat and had two gruff looking ne'er-do-wells slouched next to him, it probably wasn't going to happen soon. He wondered what they were doing in Boston. Before he could conjure up a story, the man across the aisle made a gagging sound and he looked across into the muddy blue eyes of the stranger.

"Do you need help?" he couldn't help but ask

The stranger moved his head slightly. George Miller, formerly Major Miller, swung his eyes over the stranger. "What's your name and where are you headed? "

"My name is Slim Sherman and I'm going to visit my brother at Boston General Hospital. "

"Well, what do you know! I'm headed there myself! "

Slim's eyes narrowed. Was he dreaming or was this a new way to steal money. He didn't have much anymore anyway. Jess had been right in one way, it was lonely in the Big Open. He longed for his bed back at the ranch and Daisy's sweet touch. He closed his eyes to stave off the nausea.

"Is your brother sick?" the man in the coat persisted.

"No, he's a doctor there. Dr. Andrew Sherman," Slim's pride was evident.

"I've heard of him. I'm Dr. George Miller. I'm from Fort Garland."

"Army doctor."

" Yes."

Slim glanced at the man sitting across from himself. He seemed alright, nice and friendly but appearances could be deceiving so he kept his council. "If you don't mind, I need to rest. Please let me know when the conductor calls out Boston. I have to fetch my horse from the horse car."

"There's a horse car?"

"Yes, and a cattle car too."

"If I may be so bold Mr. Sherman, but where are you staying in Boston?"

"With my brother. "

"Ah, yes. Stands to reason."

Slim closed his eyes. The doctor's incessant questioning, innocent as they seemed, were becoming too personal. Once again, he remembered Jess telling him that the Big Open was lonely. He'd been suffering from homesickness as well as his other symptoms since he left Wyoming.

After making sure that Mr. Sherman was indeed asleep, Doctor Miller took out the paper from his medical bag. 'Tall, sandy hair, blue eyes, well-spoken. Severe headaches, sickness and maybe fainting."

'Yup, this was Slim Sherman and he had just met his new patient.

"Why don't we go together?" Dr. Miller asked Slim when the train stopped.

"Why would we do that?"

"Oh, so we don't get lost. Boston is a big place."

Slim really wanted to be left alone. He wasn't sure of his legs and truth be told, hoped that the hospital was close by. He had to find a livery stable for his horse first. He stumbled on the step going down to the pavement.

"Let me help you," the kind doctor said again. 'Why was he still here? Oh yeah, something about going to the hospital too,' Slim's thoughts were fuzzy now. He needed a bed. He willingly let Dr. Miller guide his steps.

"You're not feeling well."

Slim froze. Oh well, it didn't matter anymore. "I'm dying," he told the doctor.

"Let me guess, headaches, getting sick, eye problem."

"Am I that obvious? "

"Why don't we have a talk with your brother."

Slim nodded and then suddenly began to slump in the doctor's arms. His legs giving out from under himself. His last thought was of Jess.

Chapter 7 ~ All Because of a stone

Author's Note:

I am not a doctor nor do I play one on tv. All medical knowledge comes from Google MD. There really was a place called Fort Garland (Colorado) and this operation really was performed in the 1870's.

When Slim woke he knew in an instant that he was no longer on the train. The swaying was his own body and the urge to get sick was strong. Someone was in the room with him. Friend or foe? He opened his eyes slowly to mere slits and saw the man move closer to him.

"How are you feeling?"

"I wish everyone would stop asking me that!"

"Well, I haven't seen you in awhile so I thought it would be polite to ask. "

Slim squinted. Embarrassed now, he reached out a shaky hand, "Hey Andy."

"I meant it, Slim. How's the head?"

"Not good."

Andy gently slid a hand over his brother's. "I'm gonna take a look. This maybe uncomfortable and if you're going to be sick, try and warn me."

Andy turned Slim's head back and forth a few times and had him look in different directions as he used a thin instrument to peer into his eyes. He frowned. "Slim, why didn't you have Sam schedule the operation sooner?"

"He didn't think I needed it. That all I needed to do was rest."

"Jess wrote me that you had trouble with your eyes and you got dizzy."

"He what!" Slim sat up in bed, headache forgotten. "How dare he!"

"Jess cares about you very much Slim," Andy gently pushed him down onto the bed, " He's worried about you. And why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"Can't a brother surprise another brother? "

Andy saw right through his stone wall. " Sam wrote me too."

Slim gave up. He wasn't going to win, not with Andy and Jess and Sam against him. "So what's the verdict?"

"You need that operation now."

"I can't wait? "

"Do you want to see again?"

"Of course, I do."

"Well, then allow me to introduce you to your surgeon, Dr. George Miller."

"We already met."

Andy resisted the urge to laugh. His older brother could be so obstinate. Privately he used to call him "Stonewall." Today though, in this moment, when his brother needed him he was ready.

"We're going to give you chloroform, young man," Dr. Miller explained. "It's a gas, you breathe it. You'll sleep straight through the operation on your stomach. What I will do is drill a hole in your skull and relieve the pressure on a nerve in your brain. Then I'll drain the fluid and sew you back up again. You'll be wearing a bandage for about a month and we'll let you up in stages. Any questions? "

"Have you done this before? "

George Miller smiled. He genuinely like Andy's brother. He was straight-forward and a take no prisoner type of man and George greatly admired this rugged honest rancher. In another life they might have been friends. But right now, this man needed his hands to guide him back to the life he had led and he knew failure was not an option.

"Yes, Mr. Sherman. I have performed this operation before."

"What happens to me if it doesn't go well?"

'Ah, ' George thought. It was clear that his patient had given the matter a great deal of thought. He watched Andy's hand grasp his brother's shoulder, fingers squeezing tight." The worst thing is you could end up being blind."

Slim shuddered. He'd be a burden on Jess, that's for sure.

"I know what you're thinking, Slim. But you're wrong. Jess and Mike and Daisy love you. You could never be a burden to them. It would mean a different kind of life, but you still have so many things to offer and your very presence gives life to that ranch of ours. So, what do you say?"

Slim took Andy's heartfelt words and let hem sink into his core. "Let's get on with it."

Chapter 8 ~ Recovery

Author's Note: I am not a doctor nor do I play one on tv. I based Slim's recovery on research for TBI's in the 20th and 21st centuries. Although this chapter is long, it is not graphic.

He was being carried along by the soft, gentle tones of a familiar melody. Lost in the images of a young, robust lieutenant and a pretty slip of a girl frolicking in a meadow of lush green grasses and fragrant flowers. The music swelled and the picture faded to a piano in a parlor.. The ivory keys were being lovingly touched by the creator of the ditty he could not shake, "marry me in Laramie." By his side was a younger man with dark wavy hair who delighted in the beat of the melody and a young boy who couldn't stop smiling.

The vision changed again to a faster tune and the beautiful woman who rested her head on his chest. His long arms held her securely as they moved easily to and fro across the dance floor. Out of the corner of his eye he saw his friend grinning broadly. The picture faded in swirls of white wispy clouds. 'Wait,' he shouted, 'at least, he thought he shouted,' what is his name?'

Slim woke suddenly to a world swaddled in white. His eyes and ears were covered. He felt utterly helpless. What had happened to him? Slowly, ever so slowly, he remembered. He was dying. Sam didn't have the guts to tell him. He had to straighten out his life before it was too late. He wrote a letter to Jess and rode away from the only place he called home. His heart broken, his body dying, he rode from town to town aimlessly drifting stopping only to refresh his meager food supplies.

After that things got blurry. Andy was there and then another doctor. Then Andy again. His arm throbbed sometimes painfully. Images of a dark haired man beside him, trusting him. He reached out from the darkness of his confused and battered soul and called, "Jess!"

Someone grabbed his hand in a gentle grip.

"Everything is alright, just take it easy." The unknown voice said. Slim felt part of the bandage give way and now he could hear. His eyes, however, were still covered. He reached up to touch them and a hand came down on his. "No! Not yet."

"Why not?" his voice sounded strange in his ears.

"Because you're still recovering. Tell me, young man, what's your name?"

"Slim Sherman, why? "

"And where do you live?" The man persisted. This was a tough one to answer. He used to live in Laramie but he had ridden away. Where did he live now?

"I used to live in Laramie. That's in the Wyoming territory."

"You're far from home. What do you do in Laramie? "

"I have a ranch. We raise horses, and cows "

That sounds like a lot of work. Do you have help?"

"My best friend, a second Ma and the boy we adopted a few years ago "

"Very good, Mr. Sherman. Let me congratulate you. You seem to have come through the operation with flying colors. "

"How about my eyes?"

"We're waiting 'til you get a little stronger, Slim," Andy explained as he rubbed his thumb over his brother's knuckle. It was a soothing gesture that Slim had used on him when he got too old to hug and Slim smiled at the memory of it.

"How long was I unconscious? "

There was silence then. Listening closely, Slim could almost imagine the two men's quiet conversation. He waited. Andy cleared his throat and began his soothing gesture again.

"Slim, you were in a coma for about a month while we waited for your brain to shrink back to its normal size. The good news is that you seem to remember some things. We're going to continue to question you and then in a few weeks we'll take off the bandages."

Dr. George Miller cleared his throat. " He's your patient now, Dr. Sherman." He left the room and Andy gently flung his arms around Slim.

Chapter 9 ~ The darkness of nights, the brightness of days

I can't say that the days after Slim left were easy, far from it. I would be in the barn or out fixing a fence and I'd remember something and turn to tell Slim, only to remember that he wasn't there to hear me. I guess we all just tried to cope with missing him and doing chores he normally did. I hated writing in the log book. My eyes would glaze over after several minutes. Bless Mike's heart. He saw my suffering and volunteered to add up the sums if I would write the words like how many passengers, how much coffee they drank, horses shod, wheels replaced or repaired. We worked well together. Slim would have been so proud of all that Mike was accomplishing.

Daisy struggled with making meals for three and often times we had more than enough to last the next day. The first time it happened, she was so embarrassed as she threw it away saying we were wasting it and then Mike suggested we share it with folks in town. So Marcie and Jed from the general store set up the food with a sign "free food" for travelers. It was much appreciated so much that Daisy soon was baking more and we all were happier.

I was getting help from Ben and his grandsons and time passed, Slim never far from my thoughts. The nights were the worst. During the day I'd be so busy that I could stuff my worries down deep but at night, in the stillness of our room, when all I heard was my own breath, that's when all the worrisome thoughts rode roughshod over me. Dadgum! It was like living with a fever. Some nights I was so hot with anger directed at Sam or Mort or even Slim that I could hardly sleep. Other nights , I would go outside and sit with Traveler and have a one-sided conversation with my faithful friend. I worried about Slim. Was he eating, was he outside or in a hotel, was he working somewhere and why oh why hadn't Sam written that doctor in Colorado? I would have done anything for Slim, even ridden to get that Army doctor myself! Mike came and got me and bundled me up in a coat saying that Daisy didn't want me to catch my death.

Time would not wait for Slim to return to us and before I knew it, Thanksgiving was upon us. We hosted Mort and Sam and the Benson's of course. I put aside my feelings about Mort and Sam and even enjoyed a game of chess with Mort.

One morning as I was prepared to head out Daisy caught my eye. "What do you want to do about Christmas? "

"I want to hide in bed all day until its over," I told her.

"Jess Harper! " she chided me, "not in this home!"

"So," I challenged her," what do you want to do?"

"When we have dinner tonight, let's talk about it," she suggested.

We decided to spend our Christmas like we always do. Mike and I cut down the tree and we decorated it with our family's handmade ornaments. We bought presents for each other and Slim and hid them under the tree. Daisy baked up a storm. We went to church and then came home to hot chocolate, the reading of the first Christmas story, and one present each.

One of the Christian hymns kept repeating in my head Christmas morning. " The darkest of nights, the brightest of days." As I dressed, I couldn't help but wonder where my Pard was and how he was doing. I knew he was alive because our connecting bond was still strong . If I stopped to think about how much I missed him this day, I really would get back to bed! So I forced myself, for the sake of Mike and Daisy, to put on my best bib and tucker and greet the day.

Our plan was to open the rest of our presents and then get ready for our guests. Mike was gonna be Santa this year. I had found a red hat for him and he was doing a great job until he came to the last package. It was shoved to the back near the wall. It was flat and wrapped in brown paper and addressed to me in a hand I didn't recognize.

"What's this?"

Mike just shook his head.

I grabbed the knife from my boot and cut the string. There was an envelope on the outside of the package. Curious, I opened the envelope.

"Dear Jess and family,

"Jed and I found this package in the bottom of the mail bag last week. It looks like a present for you all. The postmark is smudged but it looks like it's from Boston."

There was a collective gasp from Daisy and Mike and I looked up to make sure they were alright.

"You don't think?" My eyes met Daisy's.

"Only one way to find out," I replied and opened the package. It was a thick letter. I sucked in my breath as my Brotherhood scar began to throb.

"Dear Jess and family,

I hope this letter finds its way to you before Christmas. In a way, it's an early present. Slim is here. Dr. Miller performed the operation and he's recovering. "

I couldn't finish reading as the paper fell to the floor and my eyes started to tear up. He was alive and getting better!

"Can I?" Mike asked.

"Mmhmm." He picked up where I had let off.

"He arrived in a bad state. He had been on the train and fell ill. Dr. George Miller, Sam's friend from Ft Garland, that's in Colorado, had been expecting to see Slim in my office but they met by accident in the same rail car! George helped him to the hospital and we operated right away. I won't write you all the details, although I know that Daisy would understand, but George was able to release the pressure in Slim's brain and sew him back together. He was in a coma for about a month and has just about recovered. His headaches are gone and his balance is good.

We are going to remove the bandages over his eyes next week. That's the last great hurdle . He might need glasses for reading or have better eyesight .

He has talked to me a lot about Mike and how proud he is of him. And of course, he's mentioned Daisy and how she has given her love to him no questions asked time and again. He considers her his second Ma. And he or course talks about you. He realizes that he placed an unfair burden on you and he hopes you'll forgive him. I think he's a little afraid that you'll be mad at him for riding away. He's still angry at Mort and Sam for not telling him how serious his condition was but says when he gets back he intends to talk with them.

Jess, I hope this news brings you and the family peace this Christmas and you will have renewed hope as you await Slim's arrival home in a few months time. If you can, can you write some get well soon, we miss you letters? I'm sure he would appreciate it.

My best to all,

Andy"

We all were crying when Mike finished reading Andy's letter. I looked around at the bundle of Slim's presents that I was gonna place in our room and sighed happily. His first night home was gonna be Christmas all over again. Daisy left the room and returned a few minutes later with three glasses on a tray. I poured the brandy into each cup and raised mine.

"Let me," Daisy said and she raised her glass high, " To the Sherman Harper family. We have gone through the darkest of nights and we rejoice that we will soon see the brightest of days."

Author' s Note:

The title of this chapter and Daisy's toast comes from the following hymn:

"Walk With Me, Oh My Lord,

Through The Darkest Night And Brightest Day.

Be At My Side, Oh Lord,

Hold My Hand And Guide Me On My Way.

Sometimes The Road Seems Long,

My Energy Is Spent.

Then, Lord, I Think Of You

And I Am Given Strength.

Walk With Me, Oh My Lord,

Through The Darkest Night And Brightest Day.

Be At My Side, Oh Lord,

Hold My Hand And Guide Me On My Way."

Chapter 10 ~ The End of the trail

Colors, beautiful yellow and orange and red and green colors and Andy's brown-black eyes were gifts he thought he'd never have again. Slim could see and hear and his balance was getting better; his legs stronger. The dizzy spells were gone and his eyes could now focus on the written words of a book and best of all the letters from home all wishing him a speedy recovery. The winter snow had come early to Boston. Andy, in hopes of brightening his spirits had found and hung pictures of horses which he hung on the walls of Slim's room.

As the days sped by and his abilities returned, so did spells of boredom Again, his brother had come up with a solution.

"Letters! Even if I write them, they're not going to get them for a long time!"

"Probably not, but when you tell Jess and Mike about the animals or the different general stores you visited, or what it was like in the Big Open, you'll be able to remember 'cause you have the letters."

"Jess was right about the Big Open, " Slim mused. " You're alone, you're lonely and homesick. I think I was homesick that very first night."

"But still, you must have seen something exciting, " Andy twirled the pencil with his long fingers.

"Ok, I give up! Give me that pencil!" Slim ordered and Andy grinned.

They had been arguing for hours, at least Slim thought so. He was getting tired. After all, he had made it across the country by himself, sick as he was, alone. All he had to do was reverse his steps and soon. Andy on the other hand, seemed to have different thoughts about his travel home. Andy wanted to go with him!

Finally Slim stood up, hands on his hips he towered over his brother. Andy took up the challenge by standing in the classic gunfighter pose Jess had taught him. But the mischievous side of his won out, because instead of pulling a punch, he merely balled up his fists and stood toe to toe with his obstinate brother.

"I'm going with you and that's the end of it!"

"Why?" Slim asked again, anger leaving him slowly.

"Because I haven't seen Jess in ages; Mike doesn't know me; Sam wrote that he needed me to come home and finally in all the time you've been here, we never really visited. You were either asleep or sick."

It felt as though someone had swooped into the room and taken the anger out with it. They both felt it and when they both clasped hands they both knew they were going home to Laramie together.

This time the trip home was easier and faster. They were able to secure passage on several trains and a wagon train. He had signed on as a driver with Andy serving as a doctor. They left the train when they hit Nebraska and continued the trip by horseback with Slim recounting the stories of when he and Jess were Marshall's of Agate, Nebraska.

When they reached the outskirts of Laramie, days later, it was dusk. Andy insisted that Slim pay a visit to Sam. He said that it was the right thing to do as Sam was his doctor after all. Slim waited on those lumpy chairs while Andy went to do an errand. After Sam's examination, they went to the hotel for dinner and got a room for the night. In the morning they were off again.

Instead of taking the direct route, Andy steered them towards the lake where Slim had first met Jess. At first, he was angry as he was nervous enough already but then became suspicious when Andy suggested they step down.

"I know you're nervous about going home, Slim. What to say, what to do. There's one person who you need to talk with first. I'm going to leave you here and go on ahead. I'll see you in a bit."

Slim watched his brother ride off and then he heard a voice he thought he was never going to hear again," Howdy, Pard."

For a long moment they just stared at each other. Slim's head was swimming with questions; his guts churned. Jess clenched and re- clenched his fists, his fingers twitched uncontrollably against his gun belt. His eyes burned. He swallowed nervously.

Long ago, when Jess realized that a bond had grown between them, he discovered that it was a living, breathing rope of feelings. It curled around his core giving him strength when he needed it, confidence to do the unthinkable, and something akin to brotherly love. He counted on it, nurtured it, and he never took it for granted.

Slim's realization of his actions played heavily on him. He was ashamed of himself. He had let down the only true friend he had. He felt their bond pulling him towards Jess. They stood facing each other so close and yet so far. The tension grew. The air around them stilled. It was like they were standing at the edge of a cliff. Some unseen force was pushing him towards the abyss. There was a hollow spot in his chest where his heart used to be.

"Jess, I.." Slim's voice faltered. He was suddenly overcome with sorrow and embarrassment, regret poured out of him.

Jess stared with growing concern at his best friend. Anger melted off him faster than the warmest sun on a snowy day. He held out his hand in friendship. " Welcome home, Pard." Slim's legs shook and his body sagged with relief.

Side by side, they sat comfortably against the old dead tree staring out at the glistening water. The lake was calm and the sun's rays made it look like glass. After mutual hugs and backslaps, they agreed to rest awhile feeling as one that the bond they shared needed to be gently nurtured. Neither spoke aloud; they didn't need to. Slim felt the fears drain from his core and Jess was so full of emotion that he could hardly speak.

"I learned something about myself, Jess."

His voice was soft and low and Jess had to lean in close to hear the rest.

"I'm a lucky man. I have everything a man could want and yet, I almost threw everything away. I was so caught up in my misery that I forgot what you and the family was going through. I thought that by leaving, I was protecting you from seeing me die knowing you couldn't do anything to save me. I didn't want that for you. "

Jess wiped the tears from his eyes, remembering the long, hard days and nights that were behind them.

"I was afraid that you wouldn't forgive me for running away that I almost didn't come home," Slim continued. "But Andy wouldn't let me ride away. Jess, I know I asked you this before, but do you think..?"

He paused then and I took the opportunity to grip Slim's shoulders. "Pard," I searched his eyes. When they finally latched onto mine, his tears found a mirror to mine. "There's nothing to forgive. You learned the first lesson of the Big Open. That it's lonely and full of homesickness. You let down your wall, Hard Rock." He chuckled at my nickname of him. " You were faced with your own death and didn't know how to tell me. So you ran. If you remember, I did something like that too." I waited until he nodded.

"So," I continued, " you forgot our rule, we work better together. Now, I'm sure I couldn't perform that operation, but I am sure that I coulda got you to that Army doctor in Colorado. I'd do anything for you, you know that."

Now, he was crying.

" Jess, how did you get so wise?" His lips were sliding into a smile.

"Seems like part of you is rubbing off on me. What do you say, we bury this whole episode down deep and go home? There's some powerful loving behind that front door and I 'm pretty sure if you listen hard you'll feel it too."

The hugs were hard and warm and tears were shed and Slim finally let down his wall. He was always gonna be the strong one but I think he realized that our family's love and support gave him the strength to fight for us. We were to have many more battles but none so horrendous as the one he fought that spring in his Big Open. He never again went looking for it, focusing instead on the growing' and lovin' here on the ranch. As for me? I was content to see him flourish in the knowledge that we all loved each other. That we truly were blessed with the brightest of days and that there was nothing to fear in the darkest of nights.

Chapter 11 ~ Epilogue

Although my Pard had come home whole and hearty, I could sense that he had some powerful feelings locked up inside that thick head of his. I thought they had something to do with Mort and Sam but I was wrong. Not long after his return, he went to town without me. Dadgum, I wanted to watch him confront them but I wasn't privy to the conversation and he didn't come home with any scratches so it must have been resolved all right.

Still, I watched and waited for him to falter, to holler, to have a dream, but it was as if nothing had ever happened. He flung himself back into ranching, taking over the log books, working the forge, greeting passengers. I couldn't quite figure it out. I even, and I really shouldn't have, talked to Andy on the sly. Even Andy told me not to worry. " when and if Slim wants to share he will," he told me. It was like waiting for a storm to break. Sooner or later it was gonna happen. When it did, the storm caught both of us by surprise and it took both of us to patch each other up.

He'd been home for about two months when he began to change. It was like living with an ornery mule who had a burr under his saddle. One day, Slim would be all smiles and good humor and the next he'd be all bossy and stubborn and my way is the only way. I put it down to him working through the changes in his life but dadgum, II was frustrating beyond belief.

One morning I woke to find him gone. No message, just gone. Daisy reported a couple of biscuits gone but nothing beyond that and Mike reported that Alamo was missing. Speculation rose and we all finally guessed that he'd gone to town except that I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why. Dadgum, he was a grown man, owner of a ranch and relay, father to Mike. He couldn't just pull up stakes and leave! He'd done that already and knew the outcome better than most. Hours went by and finally I couldn't take it any more. I set out to find him.

Now, other than town, there were secret places we all had where we would go to sort out our feelings. Mike liked the hayloft, I liked the hills above our ranch and Slim liked our lake, yeah, that lake. The one where we had met. So I set my sights for that familiar place but Slim wasn't there either!

There was plenty of daylight so I just began to ride the length and breadth of the ranch. When I reached the area we called paradise I heard the gun shots. They were close together. I listened intently. It was a Sharps. Slim's rifle. I urged Traveler to a gallop and pulled up short near a boulder when I heard the shots the loudest. At first I thought he was target shooting but then I heard the crashing and snarling up ahead. The dark shape was weaving and growling. Bear! Traveler began dancing away from danger and I hung onto my seat. I couldn't see around the monster but I had a feeling that my Pard was his target.

Everything in me exploded. I was not going to loose my Pard after just getting him back. I tied Traveler's reins securely out of sight behind the boulder and tip toed in Slim's general direction. I was sure that I had loaded magazines but I wasn't sure about Slim. When I was finally in a safe enough space I saw that my Pard was trapped under a fallen log. Both his arms were free and he had his Sharps in his hands pointed at the bear. So far, the bear hadn't heard me. I gave a soft whistle and Slim flashed me a look of relief. I raised my rifle and put my fingers in the air. One, two, three and we blasted the bear with our combined rifles. I held my breath as he tottered , fling his giant paws at Slim and fell with a thud.

There were a thousand things I coulda said, a million more were in my head, but all I did was haul my friend to his feet, making sure he was in one piece and we just stared at each other.

" I can't even begin " he started to say.

"I can't either, " I replied.

"How about, let's go home? "

"This is one of those brightest of days, Slim," I grinned at him. "Yeah, let's go home."