Tori did nothing but speak for a bit. The words were a cascade, a seemingly unending fountain of information about that night. With that, she wasn't composed. Each new moment seemed to bring the sting of more tears, of hitched breaths and broken shuddering words. The entire time, Jade seemed to make no move. Tori didn't expect her to console her. Not in the beginning and certainly not by the end. What person would say all of this to their own sister? Tori felt like a viper. Precise strikes aimed at Trina's weakest pieces of her ego.

Back in school days, Trina was certainly not wanted around Tori and her friends. It felt like they were always making fun of her or keeping her away from them. And in those days, they could justify it. Teenagers being teenagers. If someone was doing anything that wasn't particularly 'cool' they could be cruel. But they were adults now. Hell, Tori was an adult back when she tore into Trina. It wasn't Trina's fault that Tori had been a bitch. No matter how annoying she could find her sister at times, that had crossed a line.

"When I was…was sober the next morning- when the painkillers kicked in, I should say, I realized what I did," Tori continued, keeping her eyes forward. Looking directly at Jade would make this that much harder. "I wish I-I could say that I immediately knew I had been a snake of a bitch of a sister, but it didn't r-really kick in until I called my manager."

"What triggered it?" Came Jade's first words since the story began.

"Triggered the kicking in of m-me being terrible to Trina?" Eyes still forward, but her periphery vision was curious- she could see Jade looking right at her.

"Yep."

"I…I don't know- I think because of how…how bullshit my first version was," Tori managed a weak laugh and kicked the air with her heeled foot. "I could, sort of, hear myself. Hear the way I was trying to warp the scenario. And my manager wasn't questioning a bit of it. Fact, they were supportive of how I 'handled myself.' That really got to me as well. There wasn't some inquisition or asking me the name of the security guard or how much the stuff was that I broke-"

"You're a pop star; are you surprised?"

"In retrospect? Not by…by that. I surprised myself by how far into the situation I had gotten without realizing how…how fucking warped I had become," It was impossible now to hold herself back, the anger- oozing out of her voice like dripping fangs. It was a burst of rage that spun her head around to Jade. Beauty could cut to her core, but right then, her heart was protected in a cage of self-hatred. "How could I let myself become that much of a removed, cold-hearted bitch? Fame doesn't do it to everyone."

"No. It doesn't," Jade confirmed without a flinch in her gaze. Those eyes of hers pushed against the cage, but nothing broke. "Look at our friends."

"I don't think I deserve their friendship after what I did-"

"Don't you think that's on them to decide that, Vega?"

"Maybe if they…witnessed what I did, but one side of the story isn't enough. Especially not from the side of the offender. It's so lop-sided," Tori brought her head back against the locker behind her with a dull thud. The cold steel immediately cooled the small amount of heated throbbing pain that came from tossing her head back like that.

"What would you do if they still supported you? If they heard both sides- all sides? If they heard the full story and still wanted to be your friends?"

"They wouldn't."

"You don't get to decide those things, Tori," Jade's tone had taken an icy edge at that response and Tori could hear the only tones of high school begin to come back. "We're not in high school anymore- as ironic as it is to say that here. You want to wallow in self-pity- I'm not going to stop you. Work through your shit. But you're not the person in control of how others view you. For better or worse."

There was a beat of silence as Tori tried to think of a response. The ceiling above her was different from their time at Hollywood Arts. It had been replaced. She didn't like the new off-white color. Felt too much like some sort of…diet beige. Unexciting. Her eyes unfocused and refocused as she remembered moments of looking up at this ceiling after school, or in the hallways, for various reasons.

"How did you and Beck last so long?"

A long pause. "What?"

Tori felt the air- cold and stiff. The conversation where she poured her heart onto the floor didn't feel as awkward. Yet, she couldn't stop herself. She had already exposed her deepest wound- why not go for all of it? "I feel like I fought with my sister less than you fought with Beck and I went thermonuclear on her that night…" One hand passed through her hair, keeping the strays from blowing into her vision. "How did you do it?"

"Vega. A relationship with your sister and a relationship with a partner are two very different things," Tori could practically hear the eye roll.

"Yeah…-yeah, I know," She sighed. "I guess I wanted a last little bit of selfish in this on my end before I leave."

"You're leaving."

"I…-That wasn't a question."

"No. You said it. I'm repeating it."

"I…shouldn't stick around. I should go try and do d-damage control and call people and I don't even want to think about what they're talking about on social media and-"

"How is that being selfish? What the fuck does that have to do with Beck and I? You are not making any sense at all."

"I've been drinking; I just unloaded so much…everything onto you and I have so many questions that I should have been able to ask back at the reunion, but instead I spent hours holding back everything around the others because the thought of what I did makes me feel s-sick," Once again words were released and she couldn't stop herself. Tori didn't try to blink back the tears either. It was a torrent of words in one breath and then immediate water works.

She could hear the shifting of the body next to her and suddenly her blurry, tear-filled vision was taken up by Jade's face. It was a face that she had thought of so often- not that she realized before. Each moment she had been excited to see her friend's again, Jade was always there and always, strangely, had been single. Or at least, Beck wasn't mentioned by her. The signs had been there, but Tori had been too busy looking backwards to truly realize it.

"You need to calm down," Came Jade's soft voice. Then Tori felt hands on either side of her face. They were holding her. And the tears erupted with renewed vigor. The gentleness with which Jade touched her broke the cage of anger around her heart that had weakened. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Jade could do that to her even after all this time away. She had always had an effect on her through their years knowing each other- Tori had never fathomed how powerful it had been.

Music crawled up from the dance and Tori could recognize it immediately:

On any given day it hurts to stand up straight.
Erasing the same message from my phone.
Reaching out to friends who probably think that I am dead.
I should want to go home but I won't.

Her vision clouded up more and she could feel her expression screw up even more with the weight of…everything. Crying in a large home, all alone, had happened. The first time, Tori thought for sure it would get better after that- that the release of emotions would help her. But it never did. Maybe it was because everything was still on her mind, on her shoulders. The weight of the world was so great, it had begun to crush her and she didn't even realize. Now there were a pair of hands helping hold her up and she could begin to feel relief. It didn't eliminate the pain. But it could begin to release it.
These past four months I've been so angry.
I'm not alright.
Can you please come look right through me
And try to give a reason why?

And release it, Tori did.

Despite Jade's words, she didn't force Tori to relax or calm down. Instead, she just looked down at her with an expression of genuine, gentle care. It was something unlike Tori had ever seen on her face before.

I don't know you or why you'd care,
But the devil's loose inside
And I'm so sick of saying sorry when I cry.

Tori cried like she had never cried before. Her voice was a breaking dam and her body curled into itself. Yet she didn't move her head. She kept it pointed up, looking right at Jade. Her hands found home on Jade's and interwove their fingers together instinctively. Tori couldn't see her face but she knew it wasn't pretty, this torrent of tears. She felt hot and cold, stung and numb. Each second she thought it was coming to end just reignited with the pain of what she did, how she handled herself, how she had run away from everyone she loved. One night. One night of too much alcohol, unknown substances and short patience had spiraled into her greatest mistake.

Let me ruin my guts tonight.
You can haunt me 'til the world ends,
And we melt in the sunlight.
Just let me ruin my guts tonight.

The roar of her own stumbling, blubbering breaths began to subside and Tori could hear it. Even over the sounds of the muted music, she could hear Jade's voice. She was 'shh'-ing her. Quietly. Calmly. Each one just above a whisper and drawn out. Her lips pursed out in front of her.

Jade seemed to realize that Tori was finally coming down and her lips turned up into the smallest of smiles as she continued to console her. How long had then been like this? "That's one way to do it."

"Jade. I'm…I'm s-sorry," Her voice was hoarse, impossibly quiet.

"I know. I know you are, Vega. No one who cries like that isn't sorry about something," She whispered in response, her own raspy voice a little louder than Tori's. "How do you feel?"

"Like not an inch of me isn't exposed to raw, unfiltered air and scrutiny," Tori answered with a furrowed brow.

"I get that," Jade crouched down in front of Tori, her knees together, just between Tori's own spread out. "I cried for a long time when Beck and I broke up entirely."

"R-Really?"

"You make so many assumptions, Vega," Jade began. "But you made the comparison earlier, so I'll continue it for you. And address the least of your worries first. Beck and I were something, I think, we both needed at that time in our lives. We fought a lot, but there were genuine wants and needs in there. Healthy? God, fuck no. I can even look back and think I was being a bitch to him sometimes-" The word 'sometimes' was doing a lot of heavy lifting in that statement, but Tori kept her mouth shut. "But there were parts of it that we needed. I took solace in that. We both did. As I learned later at least."

"You always seemed so strong."

"I am strong, Vega. Don't think otherwise," Once more that confident smirk split across Jade's face. It made Tori's heart flutter. "But I'm not heartless. I spent a lot of time with Beck. Crying gets shit out of you. Brings it all out into the open."

Tori nodded and leaned her tear-stained face down into her jacket, wiping away. The pristine color of the new piece of clothing was smeared. She didn't mind though. "That was the least of my w-worries at all, so thank you."

"Exactly. Make it a through line. If you must cry, at least find a fucking reason," She replied.

"Why did I do that to Trina?" Tori wondered with a deep sigh.

"Only you would know that answer."

"Yeah, yeah…-I get that," Tori mumbled and moved her head back and forth slowly in thought. "I didn't realize how much I had been corrupted. How much had gone to my head."

"Fame does a lot."

"No, I don't…I don't think it was just fame." It had been months of pondering her hatred that brought ideas. But there had never been anyone to talk to about it. Her managers definitely didn't care. If anything, they'd pay her to shut up about it. She could go to a therapist- and after this night, she knew she would do so, but she also knew she wanted the opinion of someone close to her. To see how she had evolved from when she roamed the halls she currently sat in. "I was…stressed. It felt like every eye was on me. Which is what I wanted when I was here," She lifted her hands slightly and gestured and Jade looked, for a moment, around them, before turning back to Tori. "But I also felt like I was under a microscope. I had to be. There weren't any moments away and it felt like the world never blinked.

"And when Trina showed up, I just…just cracked," Tori sat up a little straighter and tried to talk through her thoughts- never having put them into words ever. "She was a reminder- a rough one of everyone…everything I left behind. That I so wanted to go back to, but couldn't. I…" The word formed at the tip of Tori's tongue and she felt instant relief, "I resented her. I resented my life before because this is what I wanted and I had no idea how hard it was going to be."

Jade let the words hang for a moment. "Were the words you said true? Was Trina really a mistake like that?"

Tori heaved the deepest sigh. "I…I don't know. I h-heard something weird from my mom to one of the other detectives once. She was speaking to him intimately and…and Trina came up and she told him that they did what they did and what happened was not something to talk about over the phone when anyone could hear it-"

"Yikes," Jade cut her off with a whispering hiss.

"I don't know. I shouldn't have said it regardless. It wasn't fair to her," Tori looked directly up at Jade with a furrowed brow and an attempt at a smile. "Bet you weren't expecting all of this when you showed up tonight."

Jade smiled. A wider, true smile and once again Tori's heart did a somersault. "I had a small inkling at something like this."

"In what world did you think any of this would happen?"

"Would it surprise you so much to tell you that I've heard this story before?"

Tori's breath caught. Confused. "W-What?"

"Trina called us all before tonight."
More tension! More angst! More little plot twists! This was a harder chapter for sure, so I apologize for the wait. I went back and forth on a few things, but I hope it ended up solid all the same 3
As always, all of the comments and support are so, so lovely and appreciated 3 I cannot thank you guys enough for leaving anything and being supportive in the ways you have been!
Song is: "Routine Pain" by Spanish Love Songs.