Where Ron isn't the only one to be miserable after a Quidditch game.
CHO XV
She let her Comet bring her down slowly as the crowd cheered the victory of Hufflepuff. The snow falling quietly around her didn't mute the applauses of the crowd as the new Seeker of Hufflepuff kept his hand raised, the Golden Snitch held tightly in his fist, making a round of honor around the pitch, high above Cho's head. She averted her gaze. She didn't remember the name of the Seeker on that moment. To her, it was still the same person who was Hufflepuff's Seeker, and thinking about him made her feel even more miserable in the face of the defeat her team just suffered.
It hadn't been a bad game for Ravenclaw. The team played quite well. It was a good game overall for everybody. The atmosphere was quite friendly, while remaining competitive. A large part of the crowd supported Hufflepuff, and Cho didn't blame them. A lot of students were supportive of them in memory of Cedric. There was no back stabbing during the game, no violence above the level you could expect from a random Quidditch game. But Cho felt miserable beyond measure.
She hadn't even been close to the Golden Snitch when her opponent caught it. The quiet snow falling, even though it almost turned into a storm when you flew at high speed in the air, was no reason for her failure. She played horribly. She had spent the entire game thinking about Cedric, and this disturbed her the whole time, preventing her from playing at full capacity.
It was because of her that Ravenclaw lost. She didn't look up either to the crowd or the rest of her team as she slowly landed on the ground, white snow carefully accumulating in her hair and on her shoulders. The powder under her feet was stomped, and she headed without a word, without a look up, alone, towards the changing rooms of her team.
They were empty when she arrived. She headed for her locker, took her clothes off and went to the shower. One of the advantages of being the only girl on the Ravenclaw team was that she was alone to use the shower of the girls for the team's changing room. That meant she could remain alone as much as she wanted. She hurried in this direction. Right as two of her teammates walked into the place. She avoided their gazes. Her team played pretty well today. Cho was the only reason they lost. The Seeker she faced was not even very good. She could have defeated him easily. She didn't want to suffer their reproaches or their pity, whatever they felt towards her. She wanted to be alone.
Cho took her time in the shower. A lot of time. She hoped that not only would her whole team be gone when she left it, but also that even the few stragglers of the crowd would be long gone from the stadium. How long did she remain under the hot water? She wasn't sure. The fact that she cried didn't help. She struggled to evaluate time when tears came out of her eyes.
She had hoped that the game would help her feel better. Cho always managed to feel better when playing Quidditch. But each and every time during training, she struggled to not think about Cedric. She thought that maybe the stress of the first game would temporarily chase him from her mind. And at first, it seemed to be the case when she took flight over the pitch, feeling the biting cold of late November and snowflakes hitting her face. She even felt happy for a moment. But all this shattered the moment she took position to see seven players with yellow and black dresses facing her, including a new Seeker who she didn't know. She had felt an uncontrollable emotion surge and threaten to overwhelm her right as Madam Hooch threw the Quaffle. She had then fought the whole game against this emotion, distracting her from her task to spot and catch the Golden Snitch. And they lost because of that.
But that wasn't the reason why she was crying. This Quidditch match against Hufflepuff had fully brought Cedric back to her mind. She had tried to keep him away from her mind the whole week preceding the game, in the hope that she could focus on it at least. But now it felt like all the emotions she kept inside came crashing back, crushing her entirely. At some point, Cho wondered if she cried all the tears her body could contain. She wasn't even sure whether she continued to cry, for the water running across her face could have been that of the shower as much as that from her eyes.
Finally, after an eternity, she came out, clean of all the grime and sweat she accumulated during the game, certain that the entire pitch was empty now. So she was very surprised when, emerging into the changing room, she found Roger, her captain, sitting on a bench, waiting for her.
"I was beginning to wonder if you would ever leave this shower," he said, trying to smile. He didn't seem angry at her, even though he should have been. But his attempted kindness didn't reassure Cho, nor did it make her feel any better.
"I'm out now," she said, going to her locker to recover all her things, including her Comet.
"Cho, we need to talk," her captain said.
"Can we do it later?"
"No. It must be now." His voice was firm.
Cho closed her locker and turned to him, though she still avoided his gaze. "Alright. But do it fast. I've got important stuff to do."
That wasn't true. The only thing Cho would probably be able to do when she would leave the pitch was to curl into her bed for the rest of the day, both out of shame and sadness. But she wanted to be down with Roger, and quickly.
"Cho, I'm worried about you," Roger began. "And I'm not the only one. Everyone in the team is worried."
"Sorry I caused us to lose. I'll do better the next time."
"Cho… You were not focused today. Some of the others might not have noticed it, but… You didn't play at your level of skills. You were not into the game at all."
"I apologize," she said between her teeth, wishing to end this conversation quickly. "I'll do better next time."
If there was a next time. She half expected her captain to announce her she wouldn't play the next game.
"Cho… We never really took the time to talk about Cedric," Roger said. Cho flinched at the name and turned her back on her captain. She didn't wish to talk about this. Not with Roger. "I told the others to leave you quiet about this. When it was clear you didn't want to discuss it, I ordered the team to not bother you with it, not until you felt ready to talk about it. But now…" Roger gulped. "Cho… It's been almost half a year now since he died. You cannot go on like that forever."
Half a year. Half a year. Cho thought about that. And about the fact that Roger believed she should move on from Cedric. How could he ask her something like that? How would he feel if he found his girlfriend dead, murdered? Would a few months be enough for Roger to forget about her, move on and find himself another girl?
"What I'm trying to say, Cho, is that I'm worried about you. The whole team is worried. Let… let us help you."
Cho closed her locker. She had recovered all her things while Roger tried to talk to her.
"I don't need help," she declared.
And on that, Cho left the changing room with Roger behind. Deep down, she knew he was right. She needed help. But she didn't feel like accepting it. As such, she was both relieved and disappointed that he didn't chase after her as she left the pitch and crossed the park.
Cho wasn't hungry, so she didn't go to the Great Hall and instead headed directly to the Tower of Ravenclaw. She avoided all gazes on her way, and also when she crossed the common rooms and headed to her dormitory which, at this hour of the day, was empty. She sat down on her bed and stayed there in silence. After a while, Marietta came inside the dormitory and sat down next to her.
"I'm sorry the game didn't go well, Cho," her best friend told her.
"Thanks," Cho replied, her voice hoarse. "But I doubt it will save me from being expelled from the team."
Marietta seemed distressed all of a sudden. "Don't tell me that Davies fired you." She was on her feet in no moment, totally furious. "I'm going to tell him my mind about this…"
"Stop, Marietta!" Cho shouted before she could leave. "He didn't remove me from the team. But I wouldn't blame him, after the performance I had today."
Her best friend seemed to calm down. She came back to sit next to Cho. "Don't say that. You're not the first Seeker to have a bad game. Roger should understand that. And the Seeker you were facing was pretty good."
"No, he wasn't," Cho retorted. "I should have beat him easily."
"Come on, Cho. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're allowed to have one bad game. Especially right now."
Marietta sighed. Cho was lost in her thoughts. For probably an entire minute, they remained there, silent.
"You know what? You need to think about something else than Quidditch," Marietta declared, standing up all of a sudden. "Let's have some fun this afternoon. No homework."
"And what would you like us to do?" Cho asked, not being able to think about anything she might enjoy right now.
"Anything. We will try until I find something that makes you forget your Quidditch woes."
Her best friend almost dragged Cho out of their dormitory by force. For the rest of the day, Marietta tried every kind of activity to help Cho think about something else than Quidditch or Cedric Diggory. Exploding Snap, Wizard Chess, even Gobstones, every game was tried. They also went walking outside, Marietta purposefully keeping Cho far from the pitch. She went as far as using freezing spells to turn a small section of the Black Lake into ice, allowing them to skate and slide. Despite her best attempts, and despite Cho's appreciation of what she tried to do, the Seeker of Ravenclaw was still depressed when she went to bed that night. Marietta could be Cho's best friend, but she couldn't understand the significance of losing a Quidditch game, or being conscious that you didn't play as well as you could have. Only another Quidditch player could understand this.
As a result, the following morning, Cho woke up early, grabbing her Comet and heading for the pitch. She wanted to train. She had enjoyed practices since the year began. She even thought that Marietta might have been wrong to keep her away from the pitch yesterday. Cho believed she would feel better after flying. It always helped to clear her mind, and she could prove to herself that she was still fit to be Ravenclaw's Seeker.
Snow was no longer falling, but it was still freezing cold, and the ground was entirely white. Cho felt somewhat reinvigorated, walking alone in the cold air. There was no one to bother her so early in the morning. Or she thought. For as she was approaching the changing rooms, someone stormed out.
Cho was stunned first, and then barely managed to avoid the tall boy heading in her direction who almost rammed into her.
"You could look where you walk," she shouted to Ronald Weasley as he went forward on his way, ignoring her. He didn't even look behind when she shouted at him. "That one… He doesn't know how to live," Cho muttered for herself as she resumed her way.
When Cho reached the relative warmth of the changing rooms, she heard voices inside.
"I wonder if Angelina is doing the right thing by keeping him on the team," a girl said.
"He just needs some training," another voice, male, countered. Cho froze. She knew this voice.
"We had two months to train already, Harry," the girl said, confirming what Cho already suspected. "I know he's your friend. And personally, I like Ron. But even he doesn't want to continue."
"So what, Katie?" Harry asked her. "We give up?"
"No, of course. Ron is on the team. He's our teammate. We must help him. But if he doesn't enjoy the sport, and even finds himself that he is horrible… I'm beginning to think it might be good for him to leave, especially if that's what he wants."
Harry didn't answer. The girl, Katie Bell, went on.
"Maybe he put too much on his shoulders. I mean, you're in fifth year. I recall mine last year. It was very hard, and I didn't have to worry about Quidditch. Ron must deal with O.W.L.s, Quidditch, and his Prefect duties. I mean… This is a lot to deal with. I struggled as well last year, only with the exams. So for Ron… Not to mention that according to Hermione, Ron is not exactly beginning with a head start. He doesn't have very good grades."
"He needs a little time," Harry said after a moment. "I think we should tell Angelina this is of no use to train him right now. Snow is here to stay. His mood will probably be better in the spring. We'll decide then if he must stay on the team or not." Harry sighed. "Ron has always wanted to be on the team. He wanted to try for it last year, but the Triwizard Tournament stopped him. If he was to leave the team… I think he cares more about the team than with being Prefect or about the O.W.L.s."
"I advise you to not say that in front of Hermione. If you do, she might kill him."
Both burst into laughs. Cho wasn't sure what was so funny. She knew what boy they were talking about, the one who almost rammed into her on her way here. She wasn't impressed by him. He could criticize her team, but he played so poorly two weeks ago… He was lucky that it was Harry and not Cho who had been his team's Seeker, or else they would have blamed him for a crushing defeat, and for good cause. He was really a horrible Keeper.
"Do you think…. Is he worried? About all the stuff concerning You-Know-Who?"
Katie Bell's question raised Cho's attention. Her attention was caught whenever this subject was discussed. But more interesting for her was that the girl seemed to believe he was actually back. Cho always felt horrible whenever she heard someone say this was all a pack of lies. So hearing that Katie was considering it to be true…
"I guess he is as worried as we all are. At least, those who believe that he's back. Thank you for believing me, by the way. I never told you."
Katie gave a short snort. "Harry, we've been friends for years. I know you enough to be sure you wouldn't lie about something like that, and that you're not the kind of person to kill someone, like the Daily Prophet suggests. Believe me, in my family, everyone believes he's back. My family knows only too well what a war is, and they don't want to be unprepared for another one."
Hearing this made Cho feel better. It was disheartening whenever she heard someone claim that Cedric died in an accident or by his own fault. She even surprised some of her former friends, people she used to spend time with for years, saying such horrible things. This was one of the reasons why Marietta was almost the only friend she truly spent time with. Even some of Cho's Quidditch teammates thought that Cedric's death was an accident and that Harry was lying through and through. The fact that Katie was not among these people was relieving.
Cho did know Katie Bell a little. While not being part of her close circle of friends, Katie was the only player from the Gryffindor team to be in the same year as she was. As such, they crossed paths regularly in classrooms. Cho began to think that she might want to spend more time with that girl, even if they were on opposite teams.
"You lost someone during the last war?" Harry asked Katie. Cho was still hidden by lockers near the entrance, hiding her from both Gryffindors.
"Not this war. But one of my uncles died during the Muggle occupation. He stepped on a mine."
Katie's reply surprised and intrigued Cho. She knew only too well what a mine was, unlike many wizards of her age.
"A mine?" Harry asked, sounding that he didn't understand. "But… What Muggle occupation?"
"Harry, did you forget where my family lives?"
There was no answer for a time. "Oh," Harry then said. "Yes, it's true." Another moment, which Cho supposed was an uneasy silence. "So that was during…"
Harry didn't complete his sentence. "Yes," Katie confirmed, seemingly knowing what he was referring to. "He was the only wizard to die during that war. So yes, my family knows what a war is."
Another silence settled. Cho felt how uncomfortable it was. She herself didn't feel comfortable, listening on such a conversation, and so she decided that it was time. She resumed moving and emerged into the part of the changing rooms where Harry and Katie were.
"Oh. Excuse me," she said. Both looked surprised. She showed them her Comet. "I came to fly. I didn't expect someone else to be there." She tried to sound as if she just arrived and didn't hear their discussion.
"Oh… Well… Hi, Cho," Harry said.
"Hi, Harry," she said, smiling, then turned to Katie. "Hello, Katie. How are you?"
"I'm fine," the Gryffindor girl replied. "It's a good thing you didn't come earlier. You missed the poor show."
"What show?" Cho asked, confused.
"Ron trying to block shots. Angelina asked us to train him. But let's say that… It didn't go much better than the previous game."
"Oh," Cho said, realizing something. "That's why he was in a bad temper when I saw him on my way."
"Probably," Katie replied, sounding sorry. "His performance is not improving."
"He just needs some time and practice," Harry said. Cho had to admit that she failed to see why Harry kept defending him.
"Maybe. I hope so. Or else, Angelina might kill us." Katie Bell stood up. "I think I'll go. I got homework to do. It's not because my O.W.L.s are done that I'm on perpetual leave. See you soon, Harry."
And just like that, Cho was left with Harry. For a moment, neither of them said anything. Finally, it was Harry who spoke up.
"So… you wanted to fly?" he asked her.
"Yes. I… I needed some fresh air."
"Well, the pitch is all yours. And… Katie is not wrong. Seeing Ron training today was quite… depressing."
Cho wasn't sure. Given her few recent encounters with Ronald Weasley, she didn't think it would have been made her feel so miserable to see this very boy perform poorly. Still, she decided to not voice it to Harry and told him something else instead.
"Well, for what it's worth, you can tell the Tornados-hater that he's not the only one to perform horribly these times."
Harry looked quite uneasy all of a sudden. "Well… You didn't play that poorly yesterday."
Cho stared at him. If that was his way of trying to lift her spirits, he was proving to be very bad at it.
"Okay. It's true. You weren't at your best. But Hufflepuffs played a very good game, too," he acknowledged.
In some way, she was at the same time irritated and somewhat flattered that he tried to downplay her failure.
"Maybe," she conceded. "But if I have another game like this one…"
She left her sentence unfinished.
"Well, I'm sure you will be better the next time," Harry said. If only he knew how this kind of empty words only made her feel even more miserable. "It's only one game, Cho. And you're the best Seeker I know."
She looked at him in surprise at this. "You really think that?"
He looked uncomfortable again all of a sudden. "Yes. I mean… You almost beat me. Twice." He made a short nervous laugh. "It could have been you facing Krum last year."
Against all rationale, Cho felt pink climbing to her cheeks. It was true. Each time she and Harry faced each other in an official setting, excluding the practices, Harry caught the Snitch, but Cho had been very close behind him both times, when Gryffindor and Ravenclaw faced each other two years ago, and last year when they competed to be Hogwarts' Seeker in the school's match against Beauxbatons and Durmstrang. This time, she felt that someone's words of consolation for her poor performance were sincere.
"Thank you, Harry. That means a lot for me."
Harry gave a small laugh. "You don't expect me to say that Malfoy is better than you, I hope."
They both laughed at the idea. Draco Malfoy was viewed negatively by most Quidditch players, including his own teammates. Everyone knew he made his way into his team only because his father paid for his place. Even the Slytherins, although they could boast about their brand new broomsticks, privately viewed Malfoy as undeserving his position.
"No, I don't. Or else…" She moved her Comet slightly. "I might end up using this for something else than flying."
They continued to laugh. It felt good to laugh. Cho wasn't sure when she laughed for the last time.
"Okay. Well, Katie is right. I have lots of homework to do. I should be going. Good fly," he told Cho as he made his way to the exit.
"Wait, Harry." He stopped immediately to look at her. "Would you like to fly with me? I think I would like it."
He seemed to consider for a moment. "Okay."
And so, Cho spent the next two hours flying around the pitch with Harry. They raced against each other, Cho managing to give Harry quite a challenge despite her Comet not being at the same level than his Firebolt. Harry offered at some point to only overtake her from the outside, which she refused. When she noticed nonetheless that he did it, she ordered him to stop. They also exchanged their brooms at some point, Cho showing Harry that she could beat him when he used a broomstick he wasn't familiar with. They also released Bludgers at some point, the Gryffindors having left balls behind earlier, and even made passes with the Quaffle. Finally, they released the Golden Snitch and challenged each other to catch it. Harry caught it more often than Cho, but she had her fair share of catches nonetheless.
When they went back to the changing rooms, they were both sweating heavily from a mixture of physical exertion and the furs they wore to protect themselves from the cold.
"I don't think I had so much fun playing Quidditch in a very long time," she declared as she let herself fall on a bench.
"Glad you liked it. And see, you played very well," Harry told her. This time, she knew it was entirely sincere.
"Thank you, Harry."
"I only flew on a broomstick," he said. She wondered if his face was red only because of the cold outside.
"No, you did much more," she said sincerely. "Thank you, really."
For a long moment, they said nothing. Cho felt embarrassed all of a sudden. She looked down shortly, then back again at Harry, who was still standing. "You know, I believe you, Harry. When you say that You-Know-Who is back, and… Everything." She didn't dare to mention Cedric at this moment. "You know that, don't you?"
"Yes," Harry replied. He looked troubled. Cho wondered why. She thought he would be happy, and relieved to hear someone else say clearly that she believed him. At a loss, Cho found herself saying things she had not shared with anybody else.
"You know, my father believes you too. He was really not happy when your mother left the Ministry. But my mother… She follows what the Ministry is saying. And I must admit… I don't understand why. I mean, both my parents know what a war is. It shouldn't be that difficult for them to accept it," she said, thinking about what Katie Bell said early. "They grew up in the Demilitarized Zone, after all."
Harry looked at her, surprised, for a moment. "You mean… Wait, the Korean Demilitarized Zone? This one?"
"Yes," she confirmed. "It might sound surprising to you, but many wizards live there. Muggles don't go in there very often, so with some magic, they can go unnoticed."
"Did you… grow up there?" Harry asked her.
"No. My parents moved to England before I was born. But sometimes they talk to me about it. Once, my father said they had to be careful where they could go. There were still mines left."
"Oh. I see," he said, looking troubled.
"Harry, by the way…. I heard part of your conversation with Katie when I arrived. I wasn't eavesdropping. I just heard. What happened to her uncle? How did he set foot on a mine."
"Katie lives in the Falklands Islands," Harry announced.
Cho frowned. "What islands?"
It was Harry's turn to frown. "The Falklands." Facing Cho's confused look, he further added. "You know about the Falklands War, surely."
Cho nodded her head in the negative. "No. I never heard of it. What is this?"
Harry seemed surprised. So he went on to explain. "This is a conflict that happened about a dozen years ago. Argentina invaded the islands and occupied them. So the British Navy went in and sent them out. They even sent an aircraft carrier and submarines, I think. It caused the fall of the Argentine government."
Cho was dumbfounded. What Harry said made no sense. "Wait. Argentina invaded British islands? But… How did they do that? They're in South America. They sent an army all the way here?"
Harry looked surprised. "Cho… the Falklands Islands are in South America. It's a colony. I think they're even close to Antarctica."
Cho's mind was confused. "Katie comes from South America?"
"Yes, in a certain way. But this is a British colony, like I said. Its inhabitants consider themselves to be British. According to Katie, there are half a dozen families of wizards living there. And well, one of her uncles died because of one of the mines that was installed on the islands during the conflict."
Cho was still a little confused. But if the conflict happened a dozen years ago, she might have been too young back then to hear about it. Anyway, that wasn't the most important. What truly intrigued was how Katie's uncle died, and with what Harry told her, it made more sense.
"Now I see," she said. "My parents never told me that people died where they grew up, but some accidents did happen." She shook her head. "Sometimes, life only holds by a thread. We think someone is safe, and then the next moment…"
This train of thought brought her back to the memory of Cedric's body lying on the grass, surrounded by hundreds of people crying and screaming at his sight, realizing he was gone. Cho fought back tears.
"I… think I'll head back to the castle," Harry said after a while.
"I'll come with you," she said, her voice hoarse.
She and Harry walked side by side towards the castle in complete silence, Cho thinking about Cedric. She wondered how he must have felt right before he died. Was he conscious that he was about to die? Or did it happen so instantly that he didn't have time to realize it, like it probably happened for Katie Bell's uncle? Did he suffer? Did he think about Cho in his last instants? Did he say something? What were his last words? Did he fight? Or was he taken by surprise, even unable to defend his own life? All kinds of questions tumbled into her mind, all questions Cho had no answer to for no one cared about explaining her what happened that fateful night.
She looked aside to Harry. She hadn't dared to ask many questions about Cedric, and even less about his death. Cho had noticed how sour Harry turned whenever Cedric's name was mentioned. She supposed that it was very hard to talk about someone you saw die. And yet, he was the only one who was there that night, the only one who truly knew what happened. So Cho took her courage and asked.
"Harry, I've been meaning to ask you for ages. Did Cedric… Did he… mention me at all before he died?"
Harry didn't answer for a very long time. They were nearing the Entrance Hall when he finally replied, very quietly.
"There wasn't time for him to say anything."
He didn't say more. It wasn't much, but Cho's mind reeled with the implications his words had. Cedric didn't have time to say anything before he died. Did that mean he was killed by surprise, unaware of what was happening? Or could he not talk because someone stopped him from doing so? Was he gagged? Or muted by a spell or curse? What was he thinking right before he died? Was he even conscious he was about to die? So many questions tumbled through her mind. So Cho asked the only question she could.
"How did he die?"
"You already know, Cho. Dumbledore told everyone last year," he replied. She had the impression his tone was a little harsh.
"Yes, but…" she stammered. "I would like… I need to know… What happened… Exactly… I…"
"Look, I would rather not talk about Cedric right now." This time, Harry had cut her short. Cho felt tears coming to her eyes for real.
"I thought…. I thought you would understand," she said, desperate. "I need to talk about it. Surely you… you need to talk about it too… I mean… You saw it happen."
Harry stopped. They were almost in the Entrance Hall now. Cho stopped as well, hoping to get answers.
"I have talked about it," he said in a whisper. Cho barely heard it as a tear came rolling on her left cheek. "I told everything to Dumbledore the night he died. My mother was there." He stopped for a moment. "I talked about it with her too during summer. And with Susan as well. A lot. And with Ron and Hermione, though not as much."
And then he was silent again. Cho was hopeful, waiting for him to add something. But he said nothing else. He remained mute. He didn't even look at her. He seemed to be avoiding her gaze.
"Then… why don't you talk about it with me too?" Cho said weakly.
Another long moment of silence.
"I can't. I'm sorry, Cho."
And he walked away. He didn't look once at her.
"Harry?" she called after him, but he didn't turn to look at her. Maybe he slowed down a little, but this may only have been an impression.
Cho stayed there, in the middle of the Entrance Hall, not really knowing why she didn't chase after Harry. Perhaps because deep down, she knew that she wouldn't get the answers she wanted. It took her some time before she realized that people were staring at her on their way to and from the Great Hall. Resigning herself, she headed back to the Ravenclaw Tower, trying to hide her tears from the onlookers on her path.
Cho's dormitory was empty at this hour. Everyone was probably either down for breakfast and in the common room or at the library completing homework. Cho knew it would be better to join them and study. Her grades had not been great since she came back in September. But she simply didn't feel like studying. And she suspected that with a mind in turmoil as hers was, she would not be able to advance significantly.
Why couldn't Harry tell her what happened that night? He should understand her need to know how Cedric left their world. She could understand that it was something hard to discuss, but Cedric had been Cho's boyfriend. She, Harry and Cedric shared some special bond due to their status of Seeker who helped each other for almost over a year. Certainly Harry could understand why Cho needed to hear the truth. He could certainly understand that it was something Cedric would have wanted. Cho refused to think that Cedric would have wanted to go without her getting answers. But no, Harry could tell people who never knew Cedric about his death, but not to Cho, who knew Cedric very well, who was probably the closest person to him aside from his parents.
Would Cho ever learn how Cedric truly left them? Would Harry ever want to share with her the story? What Dumbledore told them last June was insufficient. Cho had no idea how Cedric truly left, what were his last desires and thoughts. She needed more. And Harry was the only person who could provide it. He was the only one who was there that night when Cedric was murdered. He was the only one who could answer all the questions that plagued her day and night. No one else knew what happened.
Though… that wasn't entirely true.
Harry just told her that he spoke about it to several people. Maybe Cho could ask one of those people. They may not have been present when Cedric died, but they heard the whole story from Harry, and certainly they could answer at least most of her questions. First, there were Harry's best friends, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger. He spent all his time with them. He surely spoke with them at lengths about Cedric's death. The thought that two people who were almost complete strangers to Cedric knew more about his last moments than Cho made her angry on the moment. But she doubted that any of those two would tell her anything. She didn't know them. Why would they tell her things that their best friend told them? Harry himself said he didn't talk that much with them on this subject. Furthermore, when it came to Ronald Weasley, Cho simply didn't want to discuss with the Tornados-hater. His behavior this morning when they crossed paths didn't improve her personal opinion of him in the slightest. As for Hermione Granger, she was from a different house, a different year, and she and Cho were from totally different circles. Cho wasn't even sure that they had even one friend in common, except Harry. No, she wouldn't get any answer from them.
Cho considered for a time asking Susan Bones. She might be better disposed towards Cho. Cedric had been in the same house than her. She might accept to discuss his death with Cho, out of respect and consideration for him. However, Cho slowly realized how unlikely it was to happen. Aside from the fact that again, Cho and Susan had different circles of friends and didn't see each other very much, there was one single major hurdle. Susan Bones was Harry's girlfriend. Cho didn't know how much the girl knew, but what if she was aware that Harry asked Cho to the Yule Ball last year? This was very likely, considering many of her friends found out the truth afterwards. Whenever she was around Susan Bones, Cho felt uncomfortable. She also had the impression that the Hufflepuff girl was somewhat hostile towards her, though Cho couldn't point out how Susan showed her hostility. Cho almost found it impossible to be around Harry when his girlfriend was in the surroundings. So she highly doubted that this girl would want to tell her what happened to Cedric, especially when it was Harry himself who told her.
This meant that only Albus Dumbledore was left. Harry had told him everything that happened the very night Cedric died. But Cho didn't see how she could meet the headmaster, and even less get him to tell her about Cedric's fate. It seemed impossible to know the details of Cedric's last moments. Cho was getting desperate, certain that she would never learn the truth, and that she would spend her life wondering how Cedric left them. But then she realized that there was someone else Harry mentioned, not by name, and who may know even more than all the other people he mentioned. The one person Harry might confide in entirely.
His mother.
Lily Evans Potter.
Cho wondered for a moment if it was such a good idea to seek information from one of her professors. After all, would Harry's mother be more likely to talk to her than his girlfriend or his best friends? On the other side, she told Cho that she would always be available to talk. There must be a chance then. And between Mrs Evans, Professor Dumbledore, Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger and Susan Bones, whatever slim the odds were, she knew very well who was the most likely to talk.
Standing up almost mechanically, without thinking, Cho left her dormitory, then Ravenclaw's common rooms and headed towards the office occupied by the Professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts. The door was closed when she arrived. So Cho knocked on it, praying that someone would answer. No one did, and for an instant, she despaired of ever finding the truth. And then, the door opened. However, to Cho's surprise, it wasn't Mrs Evans who answered. When the door turned, it was to reveal a much smaller figure. The figure of Professor Flitwick.
"Oh, Miss Chang. You wanted to ask something to Professor Evans?"
"Well… Yes…" she stammered. "I had questions for her."
She noticed at this moment that Mrs Evans was behind her desk, looking at her. On her desk, there were two cups of tea. She obviously interrupted a discussion between her head of house and the professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts.
"I see," Professor Flitwick said. He turned to his colleague. "I think we had finished our conversation anyway. I wish you a good day, Professor Evans."
"Same for you, Professor Flitwick," Mrs Evans replied as the small man left, Cho still standing in the doorway.
She remained there, unmoving for some time.
"Cho, is there something I can help you with?" her professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts eventually asked, obviously waiting for Cho to say something.
"Sorry, professor," she finally stammered. "I… I… I need to talk. Can I…"
Lily Evans Potter looked at her carefully. "Of course. Come in. I can prepare you some tea if you want."
"Yes, please."
Cho walked slowly in and sat on a chair as Mrs Evans prepared some tea. The door closed behind her. A few seconds later, she had a cup in front of her.
"Having a hard day?" the professor asked her.
Cho nodded. She didn't want to tell this woman that it was in part because of her son that she felt horrible right now. Mrs Evans had always been very kind with her, and Cho didn't want to ruin her chances to obtain some answers. Facing Cho's mutism, the professor began to speak.
"Could it be linked to yesterday's match?"
Cho nodded again.
"I saw my own husband and my son miserable enough after losing games… I have a certain idea how it can affect Quidditch players, especially Seekers. You feel like it was your fault that your team lost?"
Cho nodded. Indeed, it was true. Though it wasn't the only reason why she felt so miserable. It was for one of the other reasons that she was in this office today.
"Did someone blame you for the defeat?"
"No," Cho finally answered verbally.
"I guess you blame yourself more than enough." Cho wasn't sure of that. "Try to not to be too harsh with you, Cho. I'll tell you something I already told my son a few times, and even though you might not believe me, for Harry doesn't believe me either… it's just a game."
No, indeed, like all Quidditch players, Cho couldn't view this sport as just a game. Not when this game was one of the things that allowed her to meet Cedric… and so many other people who mattered to her.
"You never played Quidditch?" Cho asked the professor.
"No. Lucky enough, I didn't. With my husband, there was already more than enough Quidditch in the family."
"How did you and your husband meet?"
Cho took some time to realize she probably asked for something way too private. And indeed, from her reactions, Lily Evans was not very happy. But her answer was not what Cho was expecting.
"On the Hogwarts Express. On my first day of school."
Cho was confused for a time. "Your… first day of school?"
"Yes. And believe me, it was everything but romantic. I came from a Muggle family. There was no wizard in my family. I only had one friend when I boarded the Hogwarts Express, a friend who grew up in the same neighborhood as me, but who came from a wizard's family. My future husband, in comparison, was already quite popular. I won't give you all the details, but let's just say that it all ended with a door slamming."
Lily Evans was smiling, even emitting the beginning of a laugh as she reminisced.
Cho wasn't sure how to react to this. So Mrs Evans went on.
"Not all first encounters go very well. How was your first encounter with Cedric?"
Cho thought about it for a while. It was hard to point the first time she spoke with Cedric. She saw him on a few occasions before they first spoke.
"Very well." The words sounded foreign in her mouth. "It was fantastic," she then added, way more naturally.
Cho wasn't sure which parts she told aloud and what others she reminded in silence. It had been for her first game as the official Seeker of Ravenclaw, at the beginning of her third year. She remembered every detail of this game, as if it happened yesterday. Cho thrived when competing against a worthy opponent on the pitch, and Cedric had been quite the worthy opponent Seeker. But it wasn't what surprised and pleased her the most about this match. It was the discussion they had after the game, when Cedric came to personally congratulate her for catching the Snitch, with all the sincerity in the world. Was she already in love with Cedric back then? Maybe. Cho wasn't sure. But with hindsight, she thought that it was on this day that she began following the path that led them to date last year.
"You should look at yourself, Cho," her professor said out of nowhere.
"Why?" she asked, confused. Maybe she got even more confused when the beginning of a chortle made its way through her throat.
"I don't think I have seen you that happy since the beginning of the year."
It was then that Cho realized that she had a smile plastered on her lips. Even realizing it now, she couldn't remove it. She didn't understand. For the last few months, whenever she thought about Cedric, it made her feel miserable at his loss. It made her cry. Why was it different now? She had almost forgotten for a moment why she had come here in the first place.
She felt her smile slowly fading away as the reality of the present sank in.
"Do you know how he died? Cedric, I mean?" Cho asked.
Lily Evans' facial expression turned darker as well. "I'm afraid we all know how he died, Cho. And who killed him," the professor replied.
A knot took shape in Cho's stomach at the reference. "I know, and… I believe it. I believe Harry. Only… I don't know really what happened… I don't know how he really died… Do you understand?"
Cho looked at the professor with a pleading look. Surely, she could understand. She had lost someone very dear in similar circumstances. How would Mrs Evans feel if she didn't know how You-Know-Who murdered her husband? In this very moment, Cho didn't care that it was to a teacher that she was asking those questions. All she wanted were answers, and she could beg to anybody to get them.
Lily Evans Potter was looking at her with a sorry expression. Cho had the impression that an eternity went on as she kept looking desperately into the green eyes who were all too familiar for her. This woman had the same distinct green eyes than her son.
"Cho, I'm going to tell you something that very few people know," the professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts said very quietly. She marked a pause before she went on. "I didn't see my husband die."
Cho was confused for a moment, but the woman sitting in front of her continued, not leaving much time for her to understand.
"We were in the same building. We were very close. But I didn't actually see him die. There was a wall obstructing my view, and we were on different floors when it happened. So although I was very close when it happened…" The professor gulped. "I didn't actually see him die. And it's probably for the better. For the last image I have of the man I loved is not the moment when he was murdered."
She marked another long pause that Cho didn't dare to break. She resumed talking after a while.
"After my husband died, I had a very difficult time. I was sad, angry, and I went through different phases of grief. I began to wonder why I survived while my husband died. And despite almost witnessing his death, I started looking for answers. I wanted to know how he came to die."
Cho was glued to her professor's words. She had gone through similar feelings following her boyfriend's death over the last couple months.
"People around me helped me as much they could," the woman went on. "But even as we found out who betrayed us and revealed our location to Voldemort…" Cho shivered violently at the mention of this name. "… I only kept asking more questions. And I began blaming everybody for failing to ensure our safety. I blamed the Ministry, my friends, Dumbledore, even our Muggle neighbours who didn't even know we were wizards. And I blamed myself. A lot. And whenever a question was answered, that only created more questions on my side, and I kept blaming myself and other people even more."
Cho was silent in front of these revelations. And she was struck by how similar of a situation she found herself in. She didn't start blaming people for Cedric's death after June, but she did blame many people for not wanting to know what had happened to him. And as Cho gathered few details on her boyfriend's death and the hours preceding his demise, any information she put her hands on created even more questions that she craved for answers.
But the worst was that, although Cho had not reached the point of blaming everyone for Cedric's death, there were several times when she blamed herself, when she wondered whether she could have done anything to prevent Cedric from being killed. She had gone through the hours, sometimes the days, and even the months preceding the fatal day, wondering if at some point she could have done something to stop that from happening, or whether there was anything she did that led to his death. For example, she wondered whether she should have further told Cedric to be cautious inside the maze. Perhaps if she did, he would have been more careful or wary of potential dangers. Or perhaps if she had refused to participate to the second task by going into the Black Lake… If Cedric had not saved her, he might not have been as hopeful and determined to win the tournament, and Cho might not have been as well, not transferring that determination to him. She had gone so far as to think she should not have been so competitive in Quidditch, pushing Cedric to always do more. She even went so far as to question whether she should have started dating him in the first place, wondering if he only wanted to win even more because of her. How would things be different if she had refused to accompany him to the Yule Ball? How would events have unfolded if she had gone there with someone else?
"What I'm trying to tell you, Cho, is that no matter how much you learn about Cedric's death, if you're looking for more information on it, no matter how much you get, it will never be enough. You will always want to know more. One day, I had to resign myself to the fact that there are things about my husband's death that I will never know. And maybe it is better that I never know them. Knowing all the details about the death of someone we love will not bring him back. And often, it will not help us to move on."
Cho had nothing to answer to that. She understood what Mrs Evans just explained. But at the same time, everything in her screamed that she needed to know what happened that night of June. But before she could ask further, the professor slightly redirected the conversation.
"Have you asked Harry about this?"
Cho knew instantly it was better to think very carefully about the next words she would say. Lily Evans Potter was still looking at her with the same forgiving expression, but there was also a a certain edge now, a warning. And facing this, Cho couldn't manage to find a way for her to react appropriately.
"I just…" she stammered. "I wanted to know…" she let her voice die as she looked down, avoiding the gaze of her teacher.
"Normally, I don't talk about my son with students, but this time, I'm going to make an exception. Because I have pretty good idea of what you're going through, Cho. Harry feels responsible for the death of Cedric Diggory."
Cho shot up, looking straight into Mrs Evans' eyes. "But… He didn't kill him! I know he didn't."
"Of course, he didn't. But Cedric died, while Harry survived. I felt the same after my husband died, and I wasn't the only one. Some of his friends felt the same. But for Harry, it is worse, because he was right next to him when Cedric was murdered. And he was powerless to stop it. The only reason why Harry survived that night, it's because Voldemort gave him a chance to fight. He's still having nightmares of this night. So if you feel horrible since your boyfriend's death, Cho, imagine how Harry feels, since he was right next to Cedric when he was killed? And that's not a subject he's willing to talk about with many people. It is useless, and more damaging than anything else to ask him to talk about that night."
There was also a certain hardness in her voice now as well. But Cho didn't have it in her to feel insulted or harmed. In fact, a part of her was relieved since Lily Evans, perhaps without noticing, just gave her more information on Cedric's death. And that resulted in her hopes getting higher, that this woman would tell her more. However, these hopes were crushed quickly.
"If one day Harry feels like he can and wants to talk to you about this, he will. But in the meantime, all you would do by pressing him for more details about this night would be to cause pain to both you and him. So I advise you to leave him alone."
The professor looked at her watch.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, Cho, I have work to do. I hope the rest of your day will be fine."
And without any other word, Cho was dismissed. She left the office with a few answers to her questions. And like Lily Evans warned her, this created even more questions. If Harry was right next to Cedric when he died, that meant he necessarily saw everything that happened, and heard whatever Cedric said last.
The words of his mother remained in her mind. A part of her wanted to follow them. It was true that all these questions she asked herself were poisoning her existence. But what else could she do? Forget about Cedric? It was barely five months now that he was gone. How could she turn the page?
At the same time, she couldn't deny the fact that some things this woman just told her were true. Thinking of Cedric, even the good times with him, usually made her feel miserable. So if she asked Harry to relive what happened that night, reliving the memory of Cedric being killed… She didn't dare to imagine how she would herself feel if she had witnessed his death.
Perhaps Cho had a tendency to forget about it, but Harry and Cedric had been friends. They were competitors, yes, both on the Quidditch pitch and in the tournament, but they were also friends. Cho had trained with them for entire months, and despite the rivalry between their Quidditch teams, this hadn't stopped them from getting along decently, no more than it had stopped Cho from dating the Seeker of a rival team. That hadn't stopped them either from helping each other during the Triwizard Tournament, despite… Cho preferred to not think about the fact they both invited her to the same ball.
No, Cho had no trouble imagining how difficult it could be for Harry to discuss that night. But at the same time, she couldn't deny her own desire to know what happened when Cedric died. She had to know.
She decided that for now, it might be better to not press the matter further. Not to mention that Harry's mother might watch Cho now. If she learned that Cho was trying to get information from Harry, she could get into trouble. So for now, as much it cost her, she would let it rest, and wait for a more appropriate moment to question Harry on all this. Later, a better time to discuss the events of June 24 would necessarily take place. A moment when she would again be alone with Harry, and he would be better disposed to talk about all this. She only had to be patient.
Again, I used the opportunity to build the lore further, trying to imagine where wizards from various places in the world could live. In canon, wizards often live in isolated places, far from large population centers of the Muggle world. In Korea, as odd as it may seem, the zone separating North Korea from South Korea is one of the most undisturbed places, sometimes compared to a natural protected area, where very few people go. And I could also imagine wizarding communities to appear on isolated, sparsely populated islands.
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Next chapter: Lily