I carry allot in my daily life- like allot allot. I am not a simple person, I am multifaceted and complex, intense in every aspect. I feel and understand every being in our world and beyond, a heavy and beautiful burden. On one hand, I marvel at the intricacies of Existence and how everything goes together, but on the other, I can see that when you go down to the root of each and every individual in our world, on every level of society, there are groups who stand out- they don't enjoy what they do, they simply do it because they have no way out. It's tragic, and painful, to realize that every one of us are following the script written by the system, even among those who run it.

Now, that isn't me condoning what they do- I simply understand it. I will always fight for the sake of our world and its freedom to grow and be authentic. In fact, I desperately long to find a way to rise against them and tear down the system of power that they control. Perhaps that stems from the wish for something more, the deep dream of my own story or adventure...

I've been stuck in place, playing various roles my entire life- stuck indoors more often than not and either isolated or surrounded by folks who were only taking advantage of my kindness. I was a doll of what everyone else expected for most of my life. But last February(2024), I had an experience that entirely changed my life in simultaneously the most wonderful and most painful of ways. I would prefer not to share the deeper details just yet, but both my spiritual guardians and a certain fictional mentor played major parts in all of it. I was sent on an unexpected journey of self discovery and acceptance, learning my own mind, my dreams and scars, the things I wish for and why... And it was taught to me in the most abstract, painful, and absolutely magnificent ways possible.

My emotions run incredibly deep and I hold alot of scars from years past- and with how quickly my demeanor can change, I'm sure you can imagine how extra and unpredictable I can be... This has thrown off and freaked out allot of people in the time that I have spent becoming myself. It is a lonely experience, being a woman of intensity with no one who can handle, appreciate, or understand just how deep your thoughts, emotions, and views go.

Another thing that tends to freak people out is how attached I get when I like something- I have done many sketches of character from various shows, animes, movies, and spirituality that I adore. Many of my favorite fictional friends have become a part of who I am in various ways. Why do I call them fictional friends? I see fiction through the hermetic lens of multiverse theory- to me, they are real, just in their own worlds. I could go on forever about the multiverse, but we'll save that for a later chapter because that is allot to cover.

In any case, I live my life, playing the role I was given as best I can whilst dreaming of an uncertain life of adventure, quests, and battle. Yes, you read that correctly. I long for the intense, unpredictable, and often dangerous life of an adventurer. The struggle, the uncertainty, the growth and difficulty... allof it. I don't go searching for it- logically, that wouldn't be very wise, but if I found myself abducted or transported to another world, I'd relish in the opportunity to test myself. Call me crazy if you like, but I wasn't built for the monotony of simple, mundane life. I long to see the things I believe in for myself, to know what the beings of legend are really like. I long to fight in important battles and to struggle on the path of uncertainty. I want to test myself and see how far I can go.

I long to connect with someone on every level, an intense and intricate connection that tests, pushes, and challenges... but as you can imagine, the level of intensity that I hold... isn't one that many can handle. I find that most folks are scared away once they begin to see beneath the polite mannerisms. Those who stay, usually only stay either out of necessity, or they leave after a few months. I freak people out more often than not- when I let people get to know me, that is...

It's lonely, sure- and yes, I am in a relationship. No, I would prefer not to elaborate on that, but I digress. It's lonely being this intense and complicated on the inside, always hiding it because I don't want to scare people away- I want to connect with them... Maybe one day I'll meet the person who can handle, understand, and match this complex intensity...

In spite of all of this, I hold a deep love for all manner of Existence- both light and dark. Understanding the need for villains within a world's grand dichotomy allows me to admire their underlying traits and charisma, while admiring the heroes' for their strength and wisdom. I love and understand everyone equally, but I will always side with the heroes to protect and heal.

Much love and merry met,

Sonoria Nighthope