"The partially, nearly Naked Gun 3 : 'They Saved Crumpf's Brain'..."

Summary: Frank Drebbin is out of retirement and on the case when he learns the fanatical former president and loser candidate Fred Crumpf may not be quite as dead as he left him and he and/or his crazies including his family threaten the newly elected President Woodrowmina Wilson.

Of course, Nordberg is no longer on the squad because of, well, we never talk about that...

Part LIII…

Just outside the main lab facility, the Lair, later that night…

"Hey, girlie. Can't sleep?"

Evita grimaced then turned to face the smirking Aaron Smirk in sleeping gown, two bodyguards in suits behind him.

"Aaron? What are you wandering around for?"

"Hey, I work 120 hours every week. Gotta keep in touch with my people, the worthless nerd lemmings." Smirk closing phone.

Sure, one bodyguard rolled eyes. As if he wasn't on the phone ordering his favorite brand of beef jerky and arguing with (i.e., threatening to send us after them) average guys on his media platform.

"Really? 120 hours? So you were working at the party?" Evita eyed him.

"Hey, schmooze is the hardest work of all, pretty lady."

Uh-huh, the other guard thought. God, does he ever do any work at all? Except show up to terrorize his people for a few hours and get in their way.

"So I've found it, depends on the types you have to deal with." Evita noted. "But just what are you doing at the lab? Trying to see my dad?"

"Hey, we're best buddies." Smirk noted.

Sure, you are…She thought, remembering Crumpf's last words on the subject. From ten minutes ago.

"That feeb Smirk is history when Deadwood gets goin'."

But, who am I to come between two narcissistic four year olds, especially ones with money and goons.

"Well, access is restricted, Aaron. You'll have to suck up tomorrow." She noted.

"Oh…Well, maybe you could take me on a visit to see Dad." Eyeing her in her party gown.

"I just visited him, he's in sleep mode." She noted.

"Well, father and daughter, nice to see." He grinned.

"He's a brain in a tank, Aaron." She frowned at him.

"So…Wonders of technology. I could've made a better one, though."

Sure you could…She thought. You mean six engineers you'd threaten/hire could try.

"It seems to be workin' just fine."

"Well, just let me know if you want an upgrade…In anything." Smirk.

Egggdd…She thought as he moved closer.

The brain in the tank was less revolting.

"So, where's hubby on this long, lonely night?" he smirked

"Business in Europe." She shrugged.

"And maybe he doesn't like our chances?" Smirk, archly. Wagging finger… "Don't lie E, I know he thought the whole thing crazy."

"We nearly all did, Aaron." She noted dryly. "Necessary in the form of that Frank Drebbin forced us to accept it could be done."

"Oh, now there you're wrong. Apart from knowing women, blacks, and Jews can't do real science and vaccines cause autism and don't work, I'm a scientist, sorta, who believes in science." He noted.

"Uh-huh, you know Dad plans to shut down all work on EVs and thinks the moon landings were faked 'cause rockets can't push against anything in space."

"We can't all be great at everything." He noted.

"Sure, good night." She moved on past him.

"Hey, wait." He hurried after her. "You think you should be keeping him up? I might wanna run that by the board if you keep denying me access to him."

"He called for me." She sighed. "He's lonely…And…" grimace…

"Oh…Well, you are his favorite date." Smirk leered.

"Good night, Aaron. You can see him tomorrow."

"Now, now…" he followed her down the corridor to the main elevator.

"I'm tired, Aaron. We can talk tomorrow." Waving him off as she pressed elevator button.

"Well…I'm a bit tired too." Leer. "Maybe we could be tired together, in the same bed."

"No, we couldn't."

"Now, E…Hubby'd never know. I mean I'd put a baby in ya like that but you can use protection."

"I appreciate the offer, not." The door of the elevator opened. Matisse inside stepped forward.

"Miss Evita? Mr. Smirk." Cool smile.

Loser always creeps me out somehow, Smirk thought. The ubiquitous bodyguards appreciative of a clear professional, offering respectful looks as Matisse stepped out.

Like I should be intimidated? Me, Aaron Smirk, genius and Uberrich Nazi. Bet he doesn't clear 250K a year.

Though damn he wears that suit well…But I bet it didn't cost anywhere near one of mine. Hell, this sleeping gown probably cost more.

"Rather late to be out and about, Smirk?" Matisse eyed him.

"There some rule on that?" Smirk sneered.

"No, just this is a high security area. I wouldn't want anything unfortunate to happen to a distinguished guest. And our security is heavily automated." Matisse, cool smile.

"Just escorting the little lady back to her room." Smirk noted, eyeing Evita.

"But I'm fine now, so bye, Aaron." She stepped into the elevator, pressing button. The door closing. Smirk, Matisse, the guards standing by the elevator. Matisse smiling to Smirk.

"Looks like the lady is fine. And as this sector is alarmed, in fact, I was alerted by the silent alarm to your presence, lucky for you." Smile. "Shall we be going?"

"Sure…" Smirk glared. "But I prefer to go the way I came."

"No, you wouldn't. The lasers came on just five minutes ago." Matisse noted. "Young man?" he addressed one of the bodyguards. "Toss that gun of yours down the way you came, would you?"

The bodyguard eyed Smirk who nodded grimly and tossed his gun.

It was incinerated in mid-air halfway down the hall.

"Warning. Unauthorized weapon detected and destroyed in proximity to master lab. Intruders identified. Please give clearance code or face termination in ten-nine-eight…." Overhead speaker noted in polite female tones. Smirk looking round for the elevator button anxiously. The bodyguards, too far to reach safety, resigned but determined, if they must die, to enjoy seeing their boss cry like a girl.

"Matisse-one seven three." Matisse called.

"Termination aborted. Good evening, Mr. Matisse. Do you vouch for the…Three…Others in the security area?"

"I do. Give us ten minutes, please." Matisee called.

"Ten minutes, granted. Beginning countdown. Please the area or you will be terminated." The voice, pleasantly.

"Well, gentlemen. I suggest we follow instructions." He pressed for the elevator. Smirk frowning.

"You may take the stairs if you wish." Matisse noted.

"Thanks, yeah…Come on, you loafing dickheads!" Smirk called to his guards. They following him to the stairwell and through the door.

I'd throw him down the stairs but my wife and kids need the pension, one thought.

The elevator arrived, opening to reveal Evita.

"He's…?"

"Gone, yes but sadly not for good yet." Matisse smiled, stepping in.

"Thanks for coming." She noted.

"When I saw him leaving his rooms I expected he'd try to see the Leader privately." Matisse replied.

"So, it wasn't me you were following…?" she smiled.

"I knew you'd be summoned by the Leader. After all, I'm chief of security and all surveillance alerts come to me." He smiled back, taking her into his arms as the door closed.

…

"How was he?" Matisse after the couple had separated after a long and passionate kiss.

"Less bad than usual. No arms to grab, no lips to kiss but that thing floating and those 'eyes'. God."

"Well, he'll be moving on soon." Matisse noted.

"If this crazy plot succeeds." She sighed. "Eric, I hafta get out of here, off this island, away from all of this."

"I don't think the Leader, the Deputy Leader, or the Board would like that." Matisse noted.

"He can't succeed. The Americans'll stop him. God, if only that Drebbin had been a better shot."

"Then you'd be with your husband. Though I assume he'd've come for the funeral."

"Don't joke with me, Eric. Take me away from here." She pleaded. "We could turn ourselves into the Americans. Chelsea Clinton used to like me, she'd speak up for me. I have stuff their intel people…" stopping at his look.

"Evita. You are talking treason. Dangerous treason." Matisse eyed her.

"Depends on the side we choose. Eric, this plan is crazy. These people are crazy."

"Millions of Americans voted for your father. And if he takes Wilson's body…" Matisse pointed out.

"People will know it's not her. Who couldn't know?"

"People see and hear what they want. And your father can control himself at times to get what he, and we, want." Careful look. "I think, for a short time, he'd actually enjoy being sincerely loved by the majority. Till the takeover becomes irreversible."

"You won't…You don't love me, then." She stared.

"If I didn't love you, you'd been facing the Deputy Leader and the Board right now." He noted quietly.

"Eric…Do you know why I'm here?" she eyed him.

"Celebrate your father's triumph, take your rightful place by his/her side when the time comes."

"No. I'm Plan B." she eyed him.

"What?" he stared.

"Dad was drunk one night and told me if the plot failed, I was plan B." she noted, sadly.

"Nonsense…Whatever he is, he's…"

She eyed him…Are you kidding? Think whom you're talking about?

"Mein Gott." He gasped.

"If they can't secure Wilson, it's me, Eric. He'll murder me and take my body." She eyed him.

"What?" to his stare. "You're a committed Nazi killer and you know his plans for the world. You think he'd stop at this?"

Matisse shaking head.

"Well, he may succeed…" he noted, carefully.

"Eric? Are you going to take that chance? Abandon me?" she asked. "If you love me, save me now."

"Surely he was only talking. He'd find someone else. Your brother?"

"Oh, please. Fred Jr.? Not in a million years." She frowned.

"You have to get me away…Now. Tonight." She insisted as he regarded her.

…

Medical facility of the Lair…Just a bit later…

Banner with Mabuse, Mabuse still in surgical scrubs, gloves off, in waiting area.

"So all went well with the 'ladies'?" Banner smiled.

"Seems a perfect transplant…" Mabuse, giggling slightly. "An upgrade I should say. The American Congress should thank us."

Attendants wheeling two carts with two large tanks…

"We'll have them installed at the main lab shortly for…" hee-hee… "Experimentation." Mabuse noted.

Uh-huh…Banner eyed him.

"Really." Mabuse, shrugging.

What kind of Mengele does he take me for?

:"We can learn much about manipulation of the brain through their study."

Banner looking over…Does seem a waste of resources to keep them alive…

Still if it keeps our resident kook scientist happy…And he learns a bit about mind control through surgery, etc.

"How long before our ladies can resume their lives? They'll be expected back in DC."

"Just a few days to rule out infection and rejection. Wigs can do the rest. Of course Rep Pea Green is easier to reintegrate. No family left that would speak to her, just a rather vacuous boyfriend. The other, well, her staff always kept the family out of the public view as much as possible, back in Bug Tussel or whatever beknighted American slag heap she spawned from." Mabuse noted. "The 'lady' congressperson should have enough time to come up to speed with them. Though some of them and both their staffs may notice the vast improvement in intellect. We've warned the donors to curb themselves but…The contrast is hard to mask."

"Yeah, hard to function at that low a level for long. Well, they've been instructed to claim they've been trying to improve themselves, for the Cause's sake. Though probably best to have them fire any staff not of our own."

"They'll be informed." Mabuse nodded.

"Of course America will be amazed to find these two idiots coming out in support of President Wilson but they'll claim they were inspired by the me too too movement, or something like that."

"Yes…" Mabuse, slight sigh, giggle.

Sorry, it comes even when I'm being thoughtful sometimes, he noted.

"What's wrong, Doctor?" Banner eyed him. "You fear they can't pull this off?"

"Oh, no. They'll be fine. It's just…If I may speak freely, Deputy Director?"

"Of course…" Banner nodded.

Not that that would protect you if I decide your sentiments betray the Movement but, fine…

"The once and future President…The Leader…May find it difficult…" Mabuse, diplomatically.

"I'm sure he'll enjoy being a girl." Banner smiled. "As the song goes…"

"Perhaps…But…At times, only at times, of course…" Mabuse tried.

"Oh…Yes. At times he's a bit forceful. Impulsive."

Freakin' crazy, I'd say, Mabuse thought.

"And it may be difficult for him to impersonate the President, even for a short time…"

"Dr. Mabuse. Have faith in our god-like leader. Hitler himself approved his father to lead the next generation after our temporary set back in WWII."

"Yes, I know…It's just…No offense intended, Deputy Leader." Mabuse sighed. "If he could just restain him-, er herself, a few weeks."

"Have no fears, Doctor. The Leader is up to the challenge. He may be a bit frustrated in that tank right now, but he'll deal."

"Yes, Deputy Leader. But…If it were possible…Just to consider…"

"Yes?" stern look.

"You for example, Deputy Leader…"

"Mabuse." Stern look. "You speak treason."

"Oh, no, sir. Just a hypothetical consideration for the greater Good of the Party. We stand on the brink of Triumph, globat domination. And it may be the Leader, after his years of desperate and constant…" nervous giggle as Banner eyed him.

Debauchery, drinking, lechery, self-indulgence of every kind…Childish inability to control himself and his urges, Bannon thought

"…Struggle." Mabuse continued, giggles gone for the moment. "Might not possibly…"

"The Leader is up to the challenge, Mabuse." Banner, sternly. "Never doubt that."

"Yes, Deputy Leader. Sorry, Deputy Leader."

Hey, much as I'd like the top job, the rest of the old true Nazi fellas'd kill me, Banner thought. Besides I prefer to be the power behind the throne. The guy who can exercise the real power but is able to sneak off claiming he had no responsibility and vas only following orders in defeat…A true Nazi flunkey. Like my personal hero, Albert Speer.

Now, believe me…He eyed Mabuse's worried, slightly panicky face…If I could get Ma to take the spot, I'd have Crumpf's tank drained and the rotting mass dumped in a hot second. But she's too old-school to assert herself or attack the natural hierarchy

"Well, don't worry, my friend. All you've said will be held in strictest confidence."

And used against you at the show trial of the unnecessary and weak once we're certain alls well and our President Wilson is dictator of the world.

I'm sure my boy, also a doctor, will fill in for you quite well.

…

The Department of Presidential Security, Washington…About the same time.

"So you were experimentin' with brain implants?" Ed eyed Marjorie.

"Not me, the CIA and NSA, but…"she added hastily. "Only for fast and hidden communications with our agents in the field. Nothing else."

Well, maybe there was some unauthorized experimentation before Woodrowmina and my's time, but…

"It's still not right." Edna insisted, a bit wanly.

"Only volunteers were used." Marjorie noted.

Well, before my time and the President's maybe not always exactly…Volunteers.

"And this agent, the one Morene kidnapped, she's…Transmitting?" Ed stared.

"We sent out several pulses since she was taken. None reached her, at least that she could respond to, till this afternoon. Our doctors think she may have been in a coma or comatose and her captors revived her a bit, probably to take her with them or just trying to interrogate her."

"So you can ;talk with her?" Frank asked.

"No, not really. But we can and did get her location. 30000 feet up to the northwest en route to Canada. And given the number of flights to Canada was diminishing just at this time…My people were able to determine which flight and where almost certainly, Dr. Morene is." Marjorie smiled at the two men.

"I could kiss her." Frank beaming.

"Not on your life…" Edna frowned. He, Ed, Marjorie eyeing her.

"Uh, baby?" Ed began.

"Oh, don't worry, Edward." Edna waved him off. "I'm ok. But since I do stand in for my best friend, Jane, I have to block your action."

"Aw…That's so sweet, honey." Ed noted. "A bit ludicrous given your past but.."

…