Chapter 3: Ruined Parlays

Recommended listening: Sirius - Alan Parson's Project

Sanae took a deep breath to calm herself down as her eyes were blood-shot and red, she was already a bit high off the strawberry weed gummies but was told to curb her addiction by various people including her landlord, the pizza boy, the milk man and her former employers, Kanako and Suwako who she had worked as a shrine maiden back in Gensokyo before the Rapture had fucked her over away from those nutjobs.

Of course, being told to curb her marijuana addiction by a damn hat-wearing loli and some old hag wasn't a very nice experience, so she had fucked off and the fact that she had gotten raptured to the new world away from those religious nut-jobs was a fucking treat where she could finally endulge in pleasure, sex, drugs, booze and self-discovery.

By self-discovery, she was yelling at the TV again as she had fucked up her parlay again and again after a night spent gambling on Draft Kings... she had a bad habit of risking it all in hopes of striking it rich, she was a hopeless green-haired gambling weed addict who was now spitting at the TV with elfin fuckrage.

"Man fuck the Washington Wizards, ever since those fuckers drafted J.R. Ballard 1st overall they've been fucking the NBA with a god-damn cactus!" Sanae ranted angrily, why wouldn't she be angry when the Washington Wizards had seemingly monopolized the NBA after that fateful draft night.

"With the First Pick of the 2032 NBA Draft, the Washington Wizards select J.R. Ballard, a Power Forward out of Tulsa" read the voice of Adam Silver as he had unknowingly spoke the death sentence of the entire league, but nobody at the time knew that because the Washington Wizards were absolute ass-cheeks at the time.

What was once a shitty, bottom-tier, no-good poverty franchise was now on its 19th title in the past 22 years, not only destroying all intrigue in the NBA... but also surpassing the Lakers and Celtics as the premier NBA franchise and completely overshadowing the Warriors Dynasty in the process, it was an unprecidented era in the history of the NBA which wrecked all intrigue when the same franchise won title after title seemingly every fucking year.

The TNT half-time crew appears on the screen, the old and decrepit bodies of Ernie Johnson, Shaquille O'Neal, Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley still dominate the TNT Halftime show, they spoke about the "Series of the Century" where the two greatest teams ever, the 2044 Washington Wizards and the 2017 Warriors were to face off... though it was all a massive fucking farce.

Despite being billed as the series of the century, as the series to determine the absolute GOAT NBA team... it was a one-sided beatdown with J.R. Ballard and Wladimir Pavlovic eating Draymond Green alive in the post and with unguardable mid-ranged shots while the Small Forward.

Sprinkled into the mix was Seth Davidson, the 6'7 Forward out of Richmond who had possessed the ungodly athleticism of Russell Westbrook with the shooting of Steph Curry, combined with the passing of Lebron James with the defense of Kawhi Leonard, utterly fucking apart any teams that dared to stand before the Washington Wizards... it was a fucking mess.

"Fuckin' hell, this game is atrocious... Series of the century my ASS, this game should've been between the 2044 Wizards and the 1996 Bulls, bet Jordan would've given the damn Wizards a better challenge than weak-ass Cur-cuck and Klay Thompson... KD Ain't gonna do shit when he's dealing with someone who can actually contest his shots with J.R. Ballard being 6'11 with an eight foot wingspan..."

Sanae ranted bombastically, she was very high off the strawberry Cannabis gummies that she couldn't even think of anything more than hot-takes off of twitter, so she ranted without a thought in the world, angry upon the world for being tortured with sports... such was her fucked-up life.

"How do you think the Warriors can come back from this 30 point deficit in the second half of the game?" Ernie Johnson spoke, he was trying not to fall asleep as he was a fucking geriatric... it was embarrassing as fuck.

"Well... they have to feed the big man, let him eat..." Shaq responded, he was still tall and imposing despite being an old man now and who knows how that motherfucker stayed in shape, Charles Barkley responded to his foolish response with renewed fervor though he was bed-ridden yet still on set.

"Are you fuckin' stewpid Shaq? The Wizards have the 6'11 Ballard and that tall motherfucker named Wladimir Pavlovic guarding the paint and Draymond's yee-yee ass offense ain't scoring on that 7'4 motherfucker who won over 10 straight DPOY Awards" Charles responded, Kenny watched the two old men argue about NBA philosophies as he suddenly shouted at the top of his lungs, similar to an old man yelling at the clouds... it was utterly pathetic and proof that these people didn't have this shit anymore, it was utterly cringe inducing and fucking awful to watch... it was literal bottom of the barrel garbage.

"BUT HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT AFFECT LEBRON'S LEGACY?! I DON'T CARE IF DRAYMOND CAN'T SCORE ON WLADIMIR PAVLOVIC, NONE OF THESE TEAMS MATTER BECAUSE THEY CAN'T AFFECT LEBRON'S LEGACY... I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHICH TEAM IS THE GOAT!"

Sanae recoiled in disgust at this pathetic excuse for sports commentary, she turned off the TV by thrusting her remote control into the monitor and smashing it into pieces with raw fuckrage, she spoke with a tone of raw disgust.

"This is why nobody watches the NBA anymore, why bother with this when you can watch the NFL or the MLB... then again, that old fucker won another super bowl at the age of 90+ though to be fair, only now was he able to beat the GEQBUS."

Sanae thought about the Superbowl this year which was located on the moon, Tom Brady had unretired and joined the Patriots, winning a superbowl at the age of 90+ against an equally old Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs... it was the first superbowl in a while which didn't have the GEQBUS.

(What's that? That Superbowl is impossible because both teams are in the AFC... well too bad, this is fiction so fuck that nonsense.)

"Eh... sports are overrated, the Dodgers always sign all these free agents then get their butts kicked by some random team such as the Arizona Diamondbacks... and the Superbowl is always the same fucking teams!"

Sanae miraculously turned on the broken TV and she spoke to herself in solitude like a fucking schizophrenic.

"I wonder if those geriatrics are still arguing about Lebron's legacy, I get he's scored 100,000 points by playing until his 80s... but still hasn't won another chip outside of the damn bubble ring and the Washington Wizards are literally fucking the league with a flaming demon dildo." Sanae snickers, thinking about the 2020 "Mickey Mouse" ring and how it was played during the Covid season... none of those titles counted except for the NFL one.

"Then again, the Dodgers title doesn't count either... at least the Buccaneers had preseason games and at least the motherfucking Washington Wizards played actual seasons with a salary cap during their 30+ year dynasty... motherfucking Dominic Smith was a top ten hitter in 2020 and became a career minor leaguer after that season, hell... Luke Voit lead the league in home-runs that year..."

As the program continues, Shaq has the audacity to speak out some of the corporate garbage he was supposed to be shilling for and Sanae, coked out of her mind... snickers out of raw fuckrage.

"If you picked a FanDuel bet on Kenny Smith talking about LeBron's legacy, you win a $300 dollar payout if you bet $100 dollars and here are the latest bets to see if Ernie Johnson has to take a shit after the broadcast is over."

Sanae snickers and snorted some rainbow crack from her pocket, relaxing as she took a snort of this rainbow crack which she had gotten from the Rainbow Milf, Ragyo Kiryuin who had approached her in the alleys of Florida, that motherfucking crazy life-fibers bitch.

"Easy pick-up, of course that motherfucker couldn't resist talking about LeBron's legacy, ESPN has been milked dry of content when the superior league, the NFL isn't on... they might as well broadcast some TLC shit for all I care... I'd rather watch paint dry and staple my fingers to a motherfucking wall, fuck that shit."

With that, Sanae turned off the TV and looked at herself in the mirror... she saw a hot chick who could've been so much more had she not fallen into drug addiction... all because she listened to that bitch 10 years ago... that motherfucking rainbow MILF, Ragyo Kiryuin.