Chapter 12: Battle of Houston, Texas
The Shaq and his group of loyal survivalists arrive to the surface once again after sleeping in the Houston Metro Tunnels, but what dare awaits them?!
"Shaq look out...!"
Ruiko Saten screamed as she stood behind Lightning McQueen alongside Stocking Anarchy, Kobayashi Rindou and Mika Jougasaki... the originators of the group all hid behind Lightning McQueen and fired vicious potshots at Skibidi Toilets before quicking hiding underneath the great Lightning McQueen.
Shaquille O'Neill wondered what Saten was talking about, but he instinctively ducked as a Skibidi Toilet had leapt over him, nearly tearing the flesh from his head right off... angry at the audacity of this motherfucking toilet, Shaq grabs his great chair of the gods and smashes the ruined skull of the Skibidi Toilet and tosses it across the battlefield with pinpoint accuracy as it knocks down a couple of larger toilets like bowling pins, murdering the fuck out of them.
PAO PAO PAO PAO PAO PAO PAO PAO PAO PAO PAO PAO PAO PAO PAO
Rin fired her weapon before quickly hiding beneath Lightning, Stocking quickly rolled to the side and leapt into the battlefield, picking up Uiharu and bringing her back to the safety of the group.
Uiharu had done her job admirably as she had worked as decoy alongside Shaquille O'Neill who was busy drawing the attention of the toilets by gathering their aggro in order to allow the rest of the members to snipe them from afar...
"Go... your turn, Saten" Mika patted her back as Ruiko nervously prepares to draw the attention of the Skibidi Toilets, she broke into the battlefield... shaking her arms wildly and performing the Anglerfish dance from Girls Und Panzer, wearing the pink angler fish suit and everything... the Skibidi Toilets greatly enjoyed this scene of watching Ruiko dance with the pink suit.
As Ruiko, dressed in the pink anglerfish suit began her performance, the Skibidi Toilets seemed transfixed by the spectacle. Their attention diverted from their previous targets, they turned their attention to Ruiko as they continued their Skibidi Chant.
brrr skibidi dop dop dop yes yes, skibidi dabudu neeb neeb.
With her arms shaking wildly and her movements mimicking the iconic Anglerfish dance from Girls Und Panzer, Ruiko danced with a mix of nervousness and determination. Despite the bizarre situation, she found herself oddly immersed in the rhythm of the dance, her heart pounding in her chest as she was humiliated... she was going to make that bitch Mika and Rindou pay.
"Hey, isn't this scene too fucking weird... like what if there are kids watching n' shit?" Uiharu spoke, she didn't have to do this weird angler fish dance like Ruiko did... Mika giggled softly.
"Awww... but it's cute, I think it looks great on Ruiko" Mika responded with moderate disappointment to Uiharu's words.
Meanwhile, Shaquille O'Neill continued his valiant efforts to draw the attention of the toilets, he flexed his massive biceps and began beating the ground, similar to Donkey Kong's Down-B in Smash Ultimate... sending weak shockwaves which attracted the toilets to his presence.
From a safe distance, the rest of the team observed the scene unfold, ready to take advantage of the distraction created by Ruiko and Shaquille. Mika, her eyes fixed on the toilets, silently signaled to the snipers, urging them to take their shots at the distracted targets... they had recently found new ammo in a local Dick's Sporting Goods.
As the Skibidi Toilets begin to retreat, the group thinks that they have won... Shaq lets out a victorious chuckle as he pats Ruiko on the head, Ruiko still wearing the angler fish suit.
"Aww... I didn't get any kills..." Uiharu sighed, even Saten and Lightning McQueen got kills... but not Uiharu who had worse aim than a fucking stormtrooper, Rindou chuckles and decided to do some more light teasing.
"Ha! Fuckin' NOOB"
"Wow... what a way to show your age, Rindou... who the fuck uses noob unironically nowadays outside of little kids on Fortnite?" Uiharu responded with annoyance, Lightning McQueen offers some advice to Uiharu.
"Don't worry baby... you'll kill some Skibidi Toilets with the gun someday, it's all about practicing your shot... you need to learn on handling recoil."
The wise words of the everlasting GOAT of racing struck a cord within the heart of Uiharu who had little to no fighting ability, she found herself hugging Lightning McQueen and taking his words in.
"Thanks, McQueen-sensei"
Stocking Anarchy cleaned off her gun with her stripped stockings, she checked the battlefield which was now littered with dead Skibidi Toilets and pieces of shrapnel which came from the splintered and destroyed bodies of the Skibidi Toilets.
"Now that I've gotten used to this life... these Skibidi Toilet things are fucking weak, I've faced much worse compared to these things... like those annoying fucking vengeful sperm ghosts."
Rindou looked at Stocking with confusion, she was utterly confused on what this chick was talking about, just what in tarnation was a sperm ghost, "Yo, Stocking... what the everlasting fuck are you talking about, what the fuck is a sperm ghost?!"
Stocking took a deep sigh as sipped some hot tea which she had been hiding in her pockets this whole time or rather... it was an empty tea cup and Stocking was pretending to drink out of the white porcelain tea cup.
"Something I was doing back in Daten City, before I was suddenly thrust into this new world called earth a couple of years ago... I don't even know how I got here, I suddenly found myself reborn in Houston, Texas..."
Shaquille O'Neill patted the back of his great buddy, Lightning McQueen as he gave him a fist-bump, fist-to-tire.
"Thanks for helping out Uiharu back there and thanks for protecting our buds, big dawg"
Lightning McQueen performed one of his usual "Kachows" as he nodded eagerly to the praise of Shaq, he was feeling good about himself, "Just supporting one of our good ol' comrades y'know."
All of this light camaraderie was very fun... but it would all go to shit as it was suddenly interrupted by a loud and deafening sound, it was your average Skibidi Toilet chant but much louder much MUCH MUCH MUCH louder.
My style is ri-dic-dic-diculous-ulous-ulous BRRR SKIBIDI DOP DOP DOP YES YES, SKIBIDI DABUDU NEEB NEEB. SKIBIDI DOP DOP DOP YES YES, SKIBIDI DABUDU NEEB NEEB.
Shaq, Rindou, Lightning, Uiharu, Mika, Ruiko and Stocking all watched in horror as this massive voice bellow at them, the earth shook with a violent groan as this massive presence stared down at them with its massive head and intimidating size.
"W-WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" Rindou spoke in horror as this gargantuan of a Skibidi Toilet slowly approached them... it stood at the size of a small building, roughly 100 meters tall...
"I don't know about you guys... but we cannot take that fucking thing..." Shaq spoke with a look of horror squarely on his face, this titanic-sized toilet was much to big for them... but like a fucking idiot, they decided to shoot at the damn thing, doing absolutely nothing.
"Fuck them weapons, lets get the fuck out of here!" Shaq spoke as Lightning McQueen began opening his doors, everyone leapt into the cockpit... Shaq and Rindou seizing the front seats, leaving Uiharu, Ruiko and Mika in the back seats... Stocking looked back at the toilet before hesitantly entering.
As the group scrambled into Lightning McQueen, the atmosphere was tense with panic and urgency. Shaquille O'Neal and Kobayashi Rindou took the front seats rapidly, while Uiharu, Ruiko, and Mika squeezed into the back. Stocking, meanwhile, hesitated for a moment, glancing back at the towering Skibidi Toilet with a mixture of fear and determination.
"We can't just run away from this thing, we have to destroy that fucking thing..." she said, her voice surprisingly calm despite the chaos around them. "We need a plan to kill that fucking thing."
Shaq looked at Stocking with a raised eyebrow, he gave her a look that said 'Is this chick fucking stupid?' and looked at her with the utmost confusion, "Alright, What's Your Motherfucking Plan Then?"
The large Skibidi Toilet was greatly angered at how these motherfuckers disrespected it by trying to shoot at it... so it reached out its neck and nearly bit Lightning McQueen in half with its putriscent teeth and rancid breath that could only fit a Skibidi Toilet, Shaq pointed forward as he yelled at Lightning McQueen with a firm tone.
"Gun it, LIGHTNING MCQUEEN!"
As Lightning McQueen revved its engine, Shaquille O'Neal's commanding voice echoed through the chaos, stirring raw determination in his comrades. With raw fear coursing through their veins... Lightning McQueen began starting his engine with an infernal cast which as it let loose a RAW scream which everyone could hear, but nobody could understand.
As Lightning McQueen surged forward, narrowly escaping the snapping jaws of the monstrous Skibidi Toilet, Stocking quickly formulated a plan which Shaq, Rindou and everyone else clearly denied with quick and rapid fury.
Stocking felt insulted that her plan was refused, but she did not press further as the Skibidi Toilet slowly moves towards them.. singing its endless and soulless song, fucking their ears until they bleed out of their sockets, the Shaq covered his ears... shielding them from the loud and unprecedentedly loud song which threatened to shred through their fucking ears.
The sonic assault emanating from the Skibidi Toilet's melodically malevolent rendition inflicts a cacophony of auditory agony upon these hapless victims... Its frequency spectrum is a twisted labyrinth of dissonant harmonics, meticulously engineered to rupture eardrums and rupture sanity alike to the levels of Baby Shark and Throw it in rotation.
At its fucking core, the composition is an unfathomably loud Skibidi Toilet chant which fucks the ear of the listener to death.
Uiharu and Ruiko were sitting next to each other on the seats, they were watching videos of Mika Jougasaki during her idol years which she had recorded on her phone years ago, Mika smiled softly as she thought back to her idol years... but she still has never seen or found her younger sister, Rika Jougasaki who had gone missing following the dreadful Skibidi-Pocalypse. They were running through the crowds for ten minutes and when Mika looked over, Rika had vanished... disappeared into thin air... just like all her first dates.
Nobody could understand, percieve or comprehend how Rika Jougasaki disappeared from thin air and with a heavy sigh, they had just started singing and performing their cutesy idol shows together and they had so many plans ahead of them... then Rika disappeared from thin air... just like that, GONE, VANISHED.
"It sucks... and that's why I've joined this group with Rindou and Stocking, I believe Rindou joined because she wants to kill those Skibidi Toilet fuckers and Stocking joined because she wanted cake, tea and other sweets" Mika spoke, she pointed at Stocking from across the seats, she was sipping on some herbal weed tea and eating some Jellybelly Jelly Beans.
"Ooh yes! Creampie flavor!" Stocking squealed in ecstasy as she held up a beige colored Jellybean which she had dug from the pile of boring Top Bananas, Licorice, Cappucino and all those lame-ass flavors that nobody likes or cares about...
"Heh, at least they aren't those Bean boozled Jellybeans, those things are fucking nasty as shit... I'd rather die than eat the fucking spoiled milk Jellybean that cosplays as Coconut to fuck with the minds of the viewers..."
Ruiko tried to lighten up the mood for the three girls, she vividly remembered taking the Bean Boozled challenge with Ruiko and having to eat the dreaded spoiled mill Jellybean, it left Ruiko wanting to vomit for 3.14 days and forced her to miss school and ultimately made her traumatized of eating white jellybeans due to her raw trauma from those fucking things... they were an even worse experience than dying or being chewed to death by a Skibidi Toilet... Ruiko also remembered Uiharu having to eat a jelly bean which was either a strawberry smoothie or a dead fish... it was wild shit, wilder than anything on planet earth.
Shaq looked around the scenery as Lightning McQueen began to slow down slightly in order to give the passengers more freedom as opposed to being squashed against the chairs by incredible G-Forces which came from Lightning at his Top Speed of 230 M.P.H.
"Heya... Shaq, think we can stop for now...? I Kinda need some gas dude..."
The Shaq looked around the scenery, keeping his eyes peeled as he spotted a gas pump which was titled "Sunoco" and they stopped quickly, Shaq strives towards the gas pump and begins pumping Lightning McQueen full of Sunoco.
"You guys want any snacks or some shit that might be in the store, I say it's worth checkin' out guys"
Shaq spoke articulately to the group, the gas station probably had some food in there... but ultimately, they settled on getting some breath mints and a large bag of lays which was party sized, it was built to feed an entire party... but what Shaq also saw in the gasoline station was haunting to say the least.
"What the fuck is that...?!"
Shaq entered Lightning McQueen as he spotted the severed head of an old man, very wrinkled and one of his ees was prosthetic and staring at him creepily despite being dead, Ruiko walked up to it and felt a chill run down her spine.
"That's the head of the old bastard, G-Gensei Kihara...!"
Ruiko gave a brief overview of who Gensei Kihara was, an old fart who was obsessed with research and shit like that... Uiharu continued and spoke with a look of disgust as she kicked the head into a dumpster.
"That motherfucker was Gensei Kihara, he was an old motherfucking boomer who fucked over many people and caused a great explosion in the town we came from, Academy City which caused it to appear next to Houston, Texas for some motherfucking reason... probably to satisfy the plot of some stupid motherfucking story or some shit I don't motherfucking understand any motherfucking shit that is going on for some motherfucking reason..." Uiharu spoke as she stopped to catch her breath after talking out of her ass, she seemed quite exhausted.
"Yeah... sounds like a total asshole, but it looks like that guy is dead now..." Rindou responded, she looked inside the dumpster and saw that the severed head of Gensei Kihara was lying there motionlessly... there seemed to be some wires at the base of the neck and the dumpster was filled with a whole bunch of different things including rocks, posters, dolls, mannequins, yukari skirts, baseballs, pastramis, hats, undetonated nukes that nobody could use and a jehovah's witness.
"Whole buncha weird shit in there, though I think these hats could do well with a nice wash, if only it wasn't in that stinky dumpster..."
Rindou tossed the hat into the bottom of the floor of Lightning McQueen, he began to drive off again... now that he was all full of tasty Sunoco fuel which pumped through his veins or pipes... his wheels began to turn again as he roared to life... driving faster and onto the highway again...
The Shaq and his gang find themselves in the midst of a torrential fuckstorm, heavy rain begins blasting them with elfin fervor as they arrive at an abandoned Home Depot to go to bed... it had begun hailing heavily which was very painful and very dangerous for Lightning McQueen who had taken them inside Home Depot to sleep... the massive wearhouse was filled with the sounds of heavy hail which begun fucking the roof with their heavy blows, the hail was about the size of baseballs which made it painful as fuck... Lightning McQueen drives through the doors, ripping right through them as he comes to a quick stop in the middle of the store.
"Holy fuck... that hurt, I need to take a breather guys..."
Lightning McQueen panted heavily as his tongue stuck out like a dog, he had a couple of painful bruises on his body and his iconic Rust-Eze Bumper Ointment paint job was lightly damaged from the ensuing hail fuckstorm which had struck them like crazy... it was comedically unlucky and comedically coincidential for such an event to happen...
"No problem bro, at least we escaped that big motherfucking Skibidi Toilet... that is fair enough for us."
Shaq smilled softly at Lightning McQueen, he saw as everyone began preparing themselves to sleep in the middle of fucking nowhere... but that notion was coldly interrupted by a loud gunshot which whizzed through the air, nearly hitting Shaquille O'Neill in the back...
"Muthafucka, get off our god-damn property you fucking ding dongs."
"Guys get your positions!" Shaq's voice bellowed as he yelled at his comrades to hide, whoever was attacking them began firing a mass barage of bullets at Shaq who expertly deflected them with his godly chair...
TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA TAKKA
The remaining Houston Subway Tunnel Survivors - Weapons - Status
Kobayashi Rindou - Weak Pistol - Recovered from Mild Concussion
Stocking Anarchy - Weak Pistol - Healthy Status
Mika Jougasaki - Weak Pistol - Healthy Status
Ruiko Saten - No Weapon - Healthy Status
Kazari Uiharu - No Weapon - Healthy Status
Shaquille O'Neill - The Chair of the Gods - Healthy Status
Lightning McQueen - Himself - Recovered from low gas
Location - The Subway Tunnels of Houston, Texas
Group Name - Rindou & Company