All characters from Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. I own nothing except my version of events.

A/N: Look at me! I'm almost on time posting. I mean technically it's Monday but it's like 1 A.M. and that's pretty close enough for me. I am oh so, very proud of myself right now. Also, if I messed up on the editing please don't hold it against me. I really wanted to post this asap.

With that being said, there's only one or two chapters left in this story (not counting the epilogue) I've started the next chapter but haven't finished it, it's bare bones, really. I'll try my best to post on time next Sunday and I'm planning to finish this story by the time I leave for my trip in December. I don't want to feel all that weighted guilt from you guys, my wonderful faithful readers, because I really hate to leave you guys waiting for my super late posts. I feel so bad about that.

So wish me look on my writing progress and I'll see you guys next week! Wishing you all the absolute best!

Chapter 22

"That was a weird lunch."

I roll my eyes and make a derisive sound. 'Weird lunch' doesn't even cover what that was. My two friends had acted like complete loons, with those suspicious eyes of theirs watching our every move. The way they interrupted us halfway through our conversation to change topics as if speaking about Julian's plans to come back for a visit next weekend were completely outrageous. And it wasn't just Jacob and Embry who were acting irrational, it had been my father too. It had gotten so bad that I'd lasered them all with my eyes, warning them to back off and leave Julian alone. Except nothing I did or tried to say made a difference. As time went on, lunch had progressively gotten from bad to worse.

"I felt like I was being interrogated… and not just by your father." Julian continues, still sounding so confused.

"I don't know what the hell was up with them. They were all acting uncharacteristically weird. But Jacob and Embry took the cake."

"Yeah, what the hell was wrong with them?" He asks, turning to look at me with so many questions in his eyes. "You think they're still under the impression we're an item again?"

"I can only assume yes, though I don't know why when I told them very clearly we weren't."

"They must still not believe us." He quiets in thoughtful consideration and then he says, "Do you think it's because of Paul?"

Paul? Why would they do this because of Paul? "There's no way. They don't even know about us."

"Are you sure?" Julian asks skeptically. "Because they sounded really suspicious. They know me already and we've never lied to them about what's been going on between us before. They've seen it with their own eyes, yet they were acting as if they had something against me. And what has me the most confused is that even if we were lying, why would they care? It's not like it would make a difference… unless they were aiming to protect someone else's interests."

I remain silent, debating in my head whether his argument had any merit. It's the first time I'd considered it. The pack had never once mentioned anything. Well Leah had at the beginning of Paul and I's friendship but she'd never mentioned it again after that trip to the mall with Jess. And the guys have never mentioned anything at all. Not even Seth who had literally caught us in the act. I was sure he would've told me if he hadn't been able to keep our secret from the pack as he'd promised to try. Though now that I really thought about it I realized I hadn't spoken to him since that very night. I've only seen him in passing during my visits to Paul's bar and we haven't hung out nor have I received any messages from him either, which I had to acknowledge was very weird. Seth and I usually texted each other multiple times a week, most of the time just to talk about random things that happened in our day. Huh…

I shake my head, refusing to believe the entire pack was fully aware of our relationship and haven't once mentioned anything. Surely if they knew they would have confronted us. Especially Jacob and Embry, we rarely kept secrets from each other. We were the closest out of everyone, so I refused to believe they would deceive me in that way. It was impossible.

"No, there's no way. They would have told me if they knew."

Julian nods to placate me but I can tell he's not fully convinced. "Anyway, we won't have to worry about it for long. Now that I know about the werewolf thing we can tell everyone about Leah and I."

After weeks of hiding the truth, Leah had finally decided to tell Julian everything just this morning. She'd practically burst into my room at the butt crack of dawn, literally shaking me awake while blurting out she needed my help to tell Julian the truth. I'd been grumpy as hell, but it had quickly melted away as soon as her words started to seep in through the heavy haze of sleep.

I'd been fully awake then. I'd been dying for her to finally tell Julian about everything that's been going on so that we could come clean to the rest of the pack. Initially I'd thought it would solve all my problems. If the secret were finally out, then Paul would stop badgering me about Julian spending so much time with me in Forks. But after that god awful lunch we just went though, and after receiving yet another voicemail from Paul this morning. Hearing the almost panicked desperation in his voice... I wasn't so sure that would happen anymore. Now I was rethinking everything.

"Right…"

"What is it?" He asks with worry. "Why don't you sound so sure anymore?"

I don't answer at first, remaining quiet for a minute longer while I thought of a reasonable response for that question.

Why wasn't I so sure now?

Maybe because I felt like something had changed between us? Because it all had been fun and games until that point and then it had somehow shifted to something else entirely. Like the rug had suddenly been pulled right from under me.

I couldn't deny the relationship between Paul and I had changed with that one fight. Without saying too many words, Paul had basically wordlessly admitted his feelings for me. After thinking about it for a long time, I couldn't deny it to myself any longer. His reaction had spoken volumes. I couldn't refute the fact that there was something more than simple lust anymore, especially from Paul's side.

And the biggest problem was I didn't know how to move forward after this… or if we even could. I didn't know if I could pretend as though things hadn't changed between us, pretending that we could still go back to being fuckbuddies when Paul was clearly interested in more. I didn't know if I could continue on with the facade. I had his feelings to worry about now.

Paul was my friend, and if I hurt his feelings, if our friendship were destroyed because of this, it would affect my entire life. Because I wasn't naive enough to think it wouldn't affect the pack in some way too, changing the dynamics between us all with one ruined friendship. But besides all of that, I worried about Paul the most.

I valued his friendship, I needed his friendship. Paul has always been so good to me, so understanding, so comforting when I needed him the most, even while he'd been going through torture while fighting the imprint. Paul had been reliable, trustworthy, so many other wonderful qualities that losing him now would hurt me deeply.

And I selfishly wanted to lie. To take the route of feigning ignorance. I could probably make it work, I was good at being in denial. But it wouldn't be fair to him if I did. Paul deserved to find someone who could care about him the way he needed. He'd literally fought for that privilege and I couldn't continue to hold him back. Not when I had nothing more to offer him.

I thought I'd done enough to communicate what I wanted from the start. I thought I'd made it clear. But somewhere along the way it had all gone so wrong. And maybe it'd been my fault, maybe it had been his, or maybe it had been both of our faults. My brain desperately tried to find at which point it had all gone so terribly wrong, to no avail. None of it made a lick of difference, the outcome had been the same.

Now I was stuck in this place of confusion. Trying to figure out what the right thing to do for us both was. Could I pretend I was unaware of his possible feelings for me? Could I continue on with this apparent charade and act like nothing was wrong? Or was it better to end it now before Paul's feelings and expectations grew more and more with each passing day?

I almost slapped myself in the face right then and there.

I knew what the right thing to do was. I wasn't that selfish. The problem was that I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle it myself.

The thought of letting him go…it was a different kind of pain I'd never felt before. The feeling so new it was entirely foreign to me. Every time I thought of telling Paul we could no longer be together, my heart would send a sharp twinge of pain as if in warning. And the idea of letting him go and then imagining having to see him with someone else in the future… it was agony.

More than anything I wished I could be that person for him, that I could let go of all my issues and be the kind of woman he needed me to be. But I knew deep down in my heart, I was incapable of giving him what he needed. It would never be enough. And if that's what Paul truly wanted from me I feared the impact of my inevitable rejection would have on him, and subsequently, our friendship too. Because though I loved and cared for him deeply as a friend. After what Paul had put himself through just for the right to choose who to love, I knew he deserved better than what I was willing to give him. And it had everything to do with me and nothing at all to do with him.

Paul was practically perfect in every way. The dream man every woman in the world wished to find. It was me that was broken, the one who didn't know how to put her heart on the line for someone else. But I couldn't exactly tell him that. He wouldn't believe me. And dammit I wished things were different, I wished I could be different, but every way I thought about what I could do or say to make everything okay again, I knew it would end up in heartbreak. The pain was unavoidable.

I wished I could be like Leah who had finally bared her heart and soul to Julian, giving him the ultimate power to accept her heart along with all the baggage that came along with it. And after hearing everything Leah had to say and watching Leah physically prove what she'd claimed was real, Julian had happily chosen to keep her, accepting all the conditions in which her love came tightly wrapped in. He was willing to change his future plans and stay with Leah no matter the cost to himself. It was like a fairytale come to life. I knew my own conversation with Paul would not take the same path. I wasn't as brave as Leah.

"What's wrong?" He asks with a deep worry in his voice, going as far as placing his hand over mine and squeezing my fingers in comfort when my silence had continued on for far too long.

"I'm–" I stop and try again, unsure as to how to express what I'm thinking. "I don't think it will fix everything anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I feel like the world is throwing me signals I can no longer ignore..."

"Like?" Julian prompts when I remain silent again.

"Like the guys' reaction. Paul's reaction. Everyone seems to be freaking out at the thought of us being together. And why is that? It just doesn't make any sense, you're right. Everyone is acting so weird and the only reason I can conclude is that they don't want me to be with you because they want me to be with someone else." I say finally coming to grips with everything as I say it out loud. "I mean, that's the only thing that makes sense right? Or else why would they care if you and I were together? Why would my dad care? He's never gotten involved with my love life before but now all of a sudden he's all gung-ho about questioning you like you're my boyfriend. It's all too… incomprehensible."

Julian remains quiet after my rant and then softly asks, "So what are you going to do?"

"There's nothing else I can do but break up with Paul."

He lifts his hand off of mine in shock and when I turn to look at him his eyes are so wide I can see the reflection of the forest flashing by in his eyes. "Are you– sure that's a good idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" I question confused now.

"Because you like him." He answers bluntly, as if it were something obvious.

I snort and roll my eyes. "Of course I like him, he's my friend."

"No, Bella." He says with a gentleness he didn't have before. "You like him, like him. Your feelings for him run much deeper than simple friendship."

I roll my eyes again denying everything. "No I don't. I like him as the friend he is to me and that's all. But I can't let this go on if he's really falling for me. I can't give him what he wants. He shouldn't keep wasting his time on me like this. It's not right."

"Bella," Julian starts softly, tentatively, as if fearing I might jump out of the car while driving just to avoid hearing what he has to say. "I don't know what you've gone through that's made you think that way. But I don't want you to lose something you might later regret. I know you don't want to admit your feelings for him… and you don't have to right away. But if you don't give yourself at least the chance, how will you know for sure?"

How does anyone know for sure? It's not like the words would write themselves out in block letter inside my own head, or maybe they did and since I couldn't see them then that meant I didn't feel it? I did like Paul, I did. But thinking that I might actually care for Paul deeper than I already did was… petrifying. The idea of falling in– l–love was…

"No, there's no way. If I cared about him in that way then it would be clear. I wouldn't be this confused. I'd just know it."

"Have you ever been in love, Bella?" He suddenly asks.

I don't even have to think twice when responding. "No. And how did we go from 'like him-like him' to in love with him? That doesn't even make any sense."

"You're scared, Bella. I can see it clearly. And I'm not telling you to tell him you want everything with him. All I'm telling you to do is to consider the possibility of more. To be open to exploring whatever this is. Because it could be something really amazing. I haven't even met the guy but just watching you so upset and confused about your fight with this guy, I can already tell he means a lot to you." He grabs my hand again and tugs it for me to look at him.

I do, I'm currently driving but I take a long look at him anyway.

"All I'm asking you to do is to give yourself more time. More time to spend with Paul, more time to analyze your thoughts and feelings. You don't have to commit to anything. I'm absolutely certain that's not what Paul would want if he knew you weren't absolutely sure. Just with the way you speak of him I know he would never ask that of you. So just listen to him, talk to him, tell him you're okay and quietly think about what you really want. And when you're clear on what that is then tell him the truth. Don't reject him so quickly when you haven't even given yourself the time to think about it clearly."

I had to give him some credit, what Julian was saying sounded very reasonable. Maybe I just needed time to think. It's not like Paul was asking me to commit. He didn't even know I was currently freaking out about it. As far as he knew I was just scared about him almost wolfing out on me. I was just upset with him over his reaction. Maybe I could keep pretending that everything was okay for now and once I thought about what I really wanted I could tell him. I didn't have to decide now…

But wouldn't it be selfish to keep him by my side for fear of losing him? That's basically what I'd be doing. Playing along while I came to grips with what I really wanted. And what if at the end of it all I decided I didn't want a relationship with Paul after all and as a result, I hurt him even more than if I were to end things now?

"I think–" I pause and try again, but I couldn't get any words out. "I don't know, I can't think straight right now. Leah woke me up at the butt crack of dawn and I'm exhausted."

My attempt at humor falls flat. I feel Julian's unrelenting gaze on the side of my face and know he doesn't believe me. He's gracious enough not to comment on it though.

My mood plummets.

We drive the rest of the way home in silence. Me anxiously biting my lip while holding onto Julian's hand as if my life depended on it, all while Julian remained in silence, giving me time to think while also providing his silent support through it all.

When we finally arrive home, Julian leads me to the front door remaining a pillar of serenity at my side. But as soon as he sees me struggling to open the front door, and failing, he gently tugs on my arm.

I turn and watch him extend his arms out in silent invitation. And because I needed the comfort more than anything at this point, I easily step into them wrapping my own arms tightly around him.

And damn did I need this hug. Julian was quickly becoming one of my favorite persons. Keeping this secret between him and Leah, though clueless as he'd been, had somehow brought us closer together. So receiving comfort from him now made me feel better about the conundrum I'd suddenly found myself in. His warm arms and steady heart beat providing the reassurance I needed to believe that though things might be hard now, eventually, everything would be okay. I had to believe in that at the very least.

I grip the back of his sweater and finally sigh into him, releasing the pent up stress and tension in my body I hadn't been aware I'd been holding. I can feel Julian's smile forming at the side of my head. I'm about to respond with a witty remark to lighten the mood again when a deep voice interrupts our quiet moment.

"Is this why you don't want to see me anymore? Because you're fucking him again?"

Both Julian and I freeze.

But while it takes me longer to react, Julian is already pulling away from me straightening up to his full height. He isn't taller than Paul, not by any means, but I see the confidence and slight flare of anger in his expression when he processes Paul's words.

"Look man, it's really not what you th–"

"If I wanted you to speak," Paul rudely interrupts him, "I would have asked you myself."

And that finally triggers a response, not a good one, but a response nonetheless. "Don't talk to him like that. And what are you doing here?" I question angrily, crossing my arms and keeping my body next to Julian's. "I don't remember having asked you to come over."

His gaze is sharp, withering. "So that's what I am to you? Someone to call when you need me to warm your bed."

Of course not! He was more than that to me. "I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

"Seriously, Paul. I know we've never met but–"

"Julian." I warn myself this time, unable to look at him while Paul and I were at a standoff. "Can you give us a moment alone?"

"But Bella–"

"Please. I'll be right in."

Julian releases a loud sigh and doesn't say more. The next thing I hear is the front door opening and closing behind me.

"So that's it? You don't need me now that you have him again?"

"That's not it." I argue, but I'm so exhausted after so many revelations and thoughts of how to solve my problems that my brain feels like complete mush. I didn't even have the energy to have this conversation with him right now. Not to mention I still had a lot more to think about. "I'm not ready to have this conversation right now. I didn't answer your calls for a reason."

Paul's left eye gives a light twitch at my declaration, now coming to understand how I'd deliberately ignored his imploring phone calls.

"You're really fucking doing this, Bella?" He asks stonily.

I look away from his eyes, unable to face him head on. "I'm not doing anything. I just need some space."

Why couldn't he just give me space?

He hadn't been asking anything from me before, but now it felt as though there was an underlying expectation with his questions. As if he were trying to pull the answers he wanted right out of me. But I was too confused to tell him the truth, so overwhelmed with everything that I had no idea what the hell I wanted and what I was supposed to say now more than ever.

"Space?" He asks incredulously, as if the word alone offended him greatly. "So you can go back to–"

"Believe what you want, Paul." I finally interrupt coldly, so tired of worrying about saying the right thing. I'd been ignoring his phone calls for a reason but he still didn't get it. And I still didn't know what to say, and when that usually happened while being forced to say something, I always made the mistake of saying the wrong thing, making everything worse. "I really can't do this right now." I say under my breath, turning and trying to open the door to get away from him before I said something I would never be able to take back.

I feel his presence looming over me before I feel the heat of his hand wrapping about the crook of my elbow.

"Don't do this, Bella." He whispers now, his anger completely gone. His voice sounding so unbearably sad.

I bite my lip, denying my body from turning and providing the comfort he needed from me. "I'm not doing anything. I. Just. Need. Space." I say through gritted teeth.

He makes a low sound from deep in his throat. It's a painful sound, one that affects me too, even when I wasn't the one to make it. Before I can find the right words to placate him, he releases his hold on me in one swift move. I detect his absence with the resulting coldness at my back. When I turn, I see the rustle of leaves between the trees just at the edge of the forest with his departure.

Ignoring this sudden need to call him back and tell him everything will be okay, even while knowing it's a complete lie, I turn back and head for the door again. Julian is waiting for me at the breakfast nook with his duffel bag sitting on the stool next to him. His eyes immediately dim at my glum expression.

"Need another hug?"

I try a tentative smile but I know I haven't succeeded when the sides of his own smile take a deep dive south. "No, but thanks for the offer." I say, fearing if he comforted me now I might not be able to keep it together.

"I can stay a little longer if you'd like."

"Also thanks, but no thanks. You've gotta get home and finish your paper."

He looks like he wants to insist but finally nods, knowing I was right and he needed to finish his paper by the deadline tonight. I was sure he would still call me later though.

"Ok, but only if you're sure."

I nod again.

He stands up from his seat and picks up his bag. "Alright." He says in resignation, reaching for me and pulling me into his arms. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

I wasn't planning on it, but I nod anyway knowing he would stay if I didn't at least agree.

He pats the top of my head playfully and walks out the door.

The house is deathly silent. Suddenly feel a deep seeded loneliness filling my being. I wanted to be alone but I also couldn't bear the thought of it. Honestly, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was just so confused, so upset, I wanted to be alone and remain in silence but I also wanted to have a listening ear to help me figure out exactly what I was feeling. Because I didn't know what I felt. Again, all these strange and new emotions kept swirling around inside of me, ones I could identify but also others I didn't know how to name. And even the ones I recognized I still didn't know how to interpret. It's why I felt the need to talk to someone, to hear my thoughts being spoken out loud so that maybe it would help me figure out what the hell it was I felt and wanted.

I suddenly wondered if my mother was home right now. She'd mentioned she'd be going into the city to do some shopping but she'd claimed she wouldn't stay there for long. And right now I needed her. We'd come such a long way from just the beginning of the summer, I felt like my mother had finally come to understand me, understood who I truly was inside. She also knew about Paul and what was going on between us. She was practically the only person I could openly talk to about this.

"Mom?" I call, moving towards her side of the house. I knock on her bedroom door, only for it to be followed by silence. "Mom, are you home?" I try again, slowly opening her bedroom door, wondering if she possibly didn't hear me because she was busy in the once I step inside her bedroom I only confirm her absence. Her bathroom door was wide open and as empty as the bedroom.

I huff but let it go. It would've been nice to talk to her about my troubles but I guess I'd have to wait until she got home.

Except three hours later she's still not back. By then I'm about ready to burst, feeling almost desperate to speak to anyone at this point.

I think to seek out Leah next. Figuring if I told her about Paul and I, she would keep it a secret just as I've kept hers from the pack. Except when I look at the time I realize she's already working at the bar. And there was no way I could have any sort of conversation about Paul when said man owned the damned place and could easily happen to overhear us. I didn't know if he'd gone straight to work after leaving my home, and I couldn't call the place just to inquire about Paul's whereabouts, it would be too suspicious. The only other option I could think of was my dad.

I've always told him everything in the past so I was confident he wouldn't judge my choices now. And my father was such a good sounding board, always giving the right advice and providing his perspective on the matter while also letting me make the final decision on my own.

Resolute to letting someone else into my secret, I grab my keys heading for the truck. I try to drive as calmly as possible, even while all my nerves were completely shot at this point.

I needed to get a grip. I couldn't face my dad like this. If he saw how upset I was he would tell me to talk to Paul immediately and I really couldn't do that right now. I first needed to figure out what the hell I wanted. And I didn't have a single clue as to what that was. That's why I needed someone to talk to. Julian helped somewhat, but it wasn't the same thing. I needed the perspective of someone who knew us both. Who knew me better than Julian did and that could help me find reason. I couldn't do this on my own, at least not yet. First I needed to voice all my worries to someone I could trust.

As soon as I spot my dad's place two houses away I frown, immediately spotting my mother's rental in the driveway. I park across the street and get out, all the while wondering what the hell my mother was doing here.

I try to open the door but find it locked. Weird, my dad always left the doors open when he was home and it hadn't been that long since Julian and I had left. It was also well-known that my father had an open door policy for everyone in the pack, and for his close friends too.

Curiosity gets the best of me and I unlock the front door with my key. I regret the decision as soon as I push it open.

"Mom?!"

"Oh my god. Bella!" She exclaims, extricating herself from my father's arms.

She wasn't wearing a shirt. She was standing close to my father in just her bra and no shirt, at least her pants were still in place.

My father looked just as flustered as she did but not as underdressed as she was. His flannel was off but he still had the t-shirt he always wore underneath.

I can't help the anger that explodes out of me as soon as my eyes process what they're seeing. "What the hell is this?!"

"We can explain, I swear."

"Explain what? That you're cheating on Phil, your fiancé, with my father?!" I sharply point out.

"No, of course not!" She practically exclaims back. "Phil and I aren't together anymore, Bella."

My mouth falls open in shock as I blink at her in stunned silence.

"We broke up."

She'd told me they were together, just fighting. How could she have broken up with Phil while she was still here in Forks? It didn't make any sense. Unless…

"When?"

She looks away from me, to my dad, and then back to me. Her eyes looking guilty as hell. "Right before I came to Forks."

"What?!"

She wrings her hands right in front of her, her teeth biting into her bottom lip and looking down in shame while not saying another word.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want you to think I was coming to you to fix me like you always do. I missed you, Bella. I wanted to spend time with you and fix our relationship first before I told you."

"So you chose to lie to me instead?"

"It was a necessary lie. You know you wouldn't have believed me if I'd told you I wasn't here for your comfort. You would've assumed the worst. That's why I didn't tell you."

And though she was definitely right, I couldn't agree her reasoning. She'd still lied to me. I couldn't be okay with my mother blatantly lying to me like that, no matter the reason. Especially when she'd promised me over and over again that there were no more secrets between us. I would have a thousand percent preferred her to tell me the truth from the beginning instead of lying to me for 'my own good.'I was too angry to say more to her, and she wasn't the only person I was angry with either.

I switch my attention to my father. "You know she's just using you right?"

"Bella!" They both chastise.

I ignore them both and continue on. "She does this all the time. Her boyfriend's breaks up with her and she's immediately on the prowl again."

"Don't talk about your mother like that."

"Bella, that's not true." They say at the same time.

"If it weren't you, it'd be someone else. You're not special to her. You're just easy prey."

They both flinch at my verbal slap. My mother's eyes beginning to shimmer with unshed tears and my father's face simultaneously filling with hurt.

A part of me regrets having said those things, but it was too late to take it back. And any way I cut it, it was the truth anyway. My mother didn't care about him and my father needed to understand that. He was being incredibly naive if he thought that after all these years my mother had miraculously changed. Her initial lies for coming here, one example of the countless other examples I could give him to convince him of the real truth.

But I had to admit he hadn't been the only gullible one here.

I'd been stupid too. Falling for the same tricks she's always pulled when really I should have known better. I knew how my mother was and yet I'd still trusted her, I'd willingly given her the opportunity to hurt me. Except now she'd hurt not only me but my father too.

I'd given her the benefit of the doubt again and look where that landed me. Deceived yet again. Lied to because my mother found it the most convenient for herself. She always chose her needs over mine, she always has and she always will. I shouldn't be surprised, and I shouldn't be as crushed as I feel now. It was my own fault after all. My father hadn't been the only naive one here.

"Is that what you really think of me?" My mother asks quietly, her voice wavering with emotion.

My emotions are frozen though. Cold as stone and as sharp at its jagged edges.

"Yes." I answer resolutely.

She chokes mid-sob and my dad pulls her into his arms in comfort.

"Bella. We've raised you better than this. You've intentionally hurt your mother's feelings."

"With the truth?" I give a bitter laugh. "That's not on me. The truth hurts but sometimes it needs to be said, and in this case, it needed to be said. She lied to me. Again. She pretended to be here to fix our relationship all the while she was worming herself back into your life. Don't you see that?"

"That's not true, Bella." My dad argues.

I'm way past sparing anyone's feelings at this point so I retaliate again. "It's more than true. You're just in denial because you've never stopped pinning over her after all these years. You've always carried this fictional idea of what she could be, but it's not possible. You're only lying to yourself. And she's lying to you too."

Why couldn't he see that? Why couldn't he see what I could see so damned clearly? It was in plain sight, if only he would look closer. My mother was a liar and she always has been. She manipulated me, used me, to get what she wanted. That faith he had in her was sorely misplaced, it would only lead him to heartbreak in the long run. But how could I make him see sense when he didn't want to see it for himself? It was a losing battle.

With that thought in mind I turn my back on them, grabbing the handle of the door readying to leave. I couldn't stand being near them any longer.

"If you want to keep living a lie, then by all means, you're welcome to do so. But I'm done with her… for good this time."

Without sparing either one of them another look, I slam the door closed behind me, rushing to get to the car as quickly as possible. The tires squeal as I make a U-turn, heading back towards the main roads and away from this place.

My mind spirals as I drive, but my resolve is resolute. I'm not coming back. There's nothing for me here. They could have each other for all I cared. Without realizing it I'm driving out of the city, taking the road that will lead me away from this place once and for all.

Fucking small towns. I hated them more than ever. I've never belonged here. And I never will. A fact I've always known but refused to admit.

I'd fooled myself into thinking things could be the way I imagined. That my mother honestly wanted my love and nothing more from me. That my father was smarter than falling for my mother's manipulations. That my friends, more like family, understood me and cared for me as if I were their own. That Paul didn't carry any unrealistic expectations out of me. That I had all the time in the world to think and figure out what the hell I truly wanted.

But I'd been too optimistic, too hopeful. Stupidly hoping that the answers would come to me and once I'd figured it out, everyone would just accept what I'd decided and my life could continue on with no interruptions. That the plans I'd envisioned for myself wouldn't have to change as a result.

It had been my mistake. I'd made too many mistakes. Trusting others to know me, to take my words at face value and that in turn they too would do the same for me. That they wouldn't just pretend, telling me what I wanted to hear instead of the painful truth.

I just needed to get away, to have some time alone with just myself and forget about all the rest. I just needed to–

A lanky fawn suddenly stumbles out of the forest in front of me. I instinctively slam my foot on the break, but I'd been driving too fast, too recklessly. The wheel in my hands jerks to the side. I uselessly try to take back control all the while attempting to take a wide berth around the woodland creature. It's hopeless. I have no control.

The ground under the tires grinds, shifts, and suddenly I'm airborne. My body flings forward as the car rolls over, the seat belt biting into my body and the skin at my neck. The whiplash pulls the air right out of my lungs and the windshield in front of me shatters. I close my eyes as the rain of broken glass slashes my skin, but not before seeing the wide body of a tree looming closer and closer ahead.