Trixie and me picked ourselves off the ground and continued walking as soon as the smoke cleared again.
While she had caught my earlier attempt with her magic to keep the clump from hitting her in the face, she had let the natural wind take care of the larger amount of smoke in the air now.
I mused at it while walking beside her, using my magic to make little puffs of smoke appear in the air around my head as per Trixie's instructions.
Each time I created another one of these localised pockets of smoke and let go of them again to see them fall apart again on their own I felt a little bit more familiar with the concept.
With the feeling of magic grasping on these particles by itself to create what I wanted it to do as I sent it out of my horn.
I changed the amount of mana I released each time, a little more or less, trying to figure out if and how the amount of magic I used affected the puffs I was creating this way.
Perhaps the sheer large amount of smoke covering us earlier would have been more difficult to clean up than it had been to create by my magic being let loose without restriction for the briefest of moments.
I created another puff of smoke and saw how the lighter particles ascended while the heavier ones drifted down toward the ground.
Smoke was not as simple as just packing a bunch of the same particles together; it would not look right if all of them were light or all heavy.
If all of the particles were but the lightest, thinnest of those available, it would more be the haze I had created before.
Too heavy, large, and it would clump up and drop to the floor like small little nuggets.
Only by combining multiple different particles like weaving a blanket could it be called smoke.
And my magic was doing that by itself just by me focusing on what I wanted it to create.
If I created a puff of smoke and then instantly focused on making it disappear again though, I found I needed to use more mana to do the job.
The instant I created the smoke, the lighter particles were already spreading upward and to all sides while the heavier particles dropped down toward the ground.
It was like trying to mix syrup in a body of water; just a spoonful of syrup was easy enough to add.
Purifying the water again afterward would be a whole lot more work, requiring scientific things like boiling and filtering and whatnot.
I forcefully disappeared another newly created puff of smoke and heard Trixie scrape her throat.
I peered sideways at her from under the rim of her wide hat which I was borrowing for now.
"What's wrong?" I wondered, ceasing my magic exercises for the moment.
"Trixie imagines you're going to need a nap after lunch," Trixie considered. "Are you aware of how much mana you have in reserves, Fuu? Remember the headaches you were having?"
I felt my ears trying to droop within the confines of the hat.
"I remember the headaches, yes," I agreed in a half-whimper.
"If you use up all your mana, they will return with a vengeance," Trixie knew. "Remember Trixie said you should create the smoke to train yourself, not make it disappear again directly after."
"Right," I sighed. "I was just thinking about why you didn't remove the smoke earlier and... I think that just answered that."
Trixie smirked at me from under the shadow of her large hat.
"Yes, not even The Great and Powerful Trixie could make a cloud like that clear away without suffering a sizeable dip in her magic reserves," she agreed. "And she does need to keep the wagon moving along."
I gave a nod in her direction.
"You're right, of course... I'm not used to having to keep track of this kind of thing," I muttered. "How do I know how much reserves I have, Trixie?"
Trixie chuckled and put her attention on the road ahead again before answering.
"Just feel for your mana but don't charge your horn with it," she advised.
I did as she told while keeping pace with her.
"It is a pressure which increases as you rest, and decreases as you use it up," Trixie continued to explain. "If you start feeling like the pressure is barely there, stop using your magic and give it time to build back up."
I considered how much energy I felt as I reached for this mana inside me.
It was difficult for me to guess at how much I had woken up with now that I had already used a portion of it up with the training I had been doing throughout the day, but there was still some pressure to it.
If I considered just opening the pathway from my mana to my horn, it would spill out wild and free as it had done when the smoke spread around us earlier.
"How do I know when it gets too low? I feel like if I let go of it right now it would probably cover us in smoke again or something," I sighed. "If only it had a gauge like the fuel tank of my car back on Earth."
"Perhaps you should just keep using your magic until you start feeling the headaches," Trixie pondered. "That should give you an idea of what your lower limit is, Trixie supposes."
"I'm not looking forward to that," I grumbled.
"Nor is Trixie; you would be losing another day or two on your training," she sighed. "Just be careful when you start feeling like your mana is dropping below a comfortable threshold. Remember you still need to make the bed."
I rolled my eyes at her reminder.
"I know I have to make the bed. You don't have to remind me; you're not my mom," I joked as if I was back home responding to a friend being a bother.
The moment after the words left my mouth I regretted them.
Slowing down, I shook my head at myself.
"At least, not yet," I mumbled.
Trixie slowed down as well and turned the wagon off the path so she could park it off to the side.
I stopped walking and watched as she came up toward me now the cart was parked in a safe enough spot.
"Trixie doesn't think she heard you right there," she started.
She stood a few paces in front of me, looking at me with an odd show of emotion on her face which I couldn't quite place.
I tilted my head up so the sun's rays hit my face.
"I said you're not my mom yet," I repeated myself, feeling a little put on the spot by her.
Trixie smiled weakly as she studied my face as much as I was studying hers.
"No, not yet," she agreed with my observation of the state of our relationship. "You should tell Trixie if you don't want her to go along with her plan, Fuu."
"It depends on if you're going to stay nice or not," I sighed.
"Trixie intends to not get overwhelmed by her emotions again, yes," she agreed. "Today was a good day until now."
"Apart from the soggy hat," I chuckled lightly.
"Apart from the soggy hat," Trixie repeated my words with a smile on her lips.
"Then, yeah, I'd... love to be your daughter, I guess," I breathed out.
Trixie moved forward before I could react and pulled me into a tight embrace.
"Then Trixie will try to be the Greatest and most Powerfullest mom she can be," she decided.
I struggled to breathe as my face was suddenly pressed into her chest, until she let go of me and lifted my hat off my head.
"Tilt your head forward a bit," she demanded.
I did as instructed, my mind unable to follow what was going on now.
There was an odd tug around my neck, and then my collar pulled up and over my head, past my ears, horn, and eventually past where the tip of my nose was until it dangled between us, held only by Trixie's magic.
It felt weird to not have the collar sit snuggly around my neck anymore.
It was like a cold burn, a sensation not unlike stepping naked into the cold winter air.
I carefully reached up with my left forehoof after first shaking the dirt and moisture off it, and used it to feel at my neck.
"Trixie should not keep her daughter collared like a pet," Trixie whispered to me.
I found myself at a loss for words.
It was clear that my fur was flattened more where the collar had been, the bunnysuit having been looped under it during Nightmare Night had done nothing to change that.
My hoof felt over a dip like in the skin of a finger which had seen a ring worn on it for years instead of the bump of the collar I had expected to feel.
Some part of my brain couldn't connect to the meaning of this gesture, this disconnect between what it was that I should have felt with my hoof and the reality of what was actually there, and my hoof reached from my neck toward the collar still hovering between us instead.
Trixie focused her magic in the same moment and it disintegrated into nothing before my hoof could reach it.
"A...ah, no," I gasped.
Trixie stared down at me and plopped her old hat back on top of my head without ceremony.
"This is as much new territory for you as it is for Trixie," she muttered.
She reached up with her own right hoof and touched my left cheek with it, and my left hoof grappled at her foreleg just to not have to dangle in the air beside it.
"T...that was too sudden," I sputtered as my brain remembered how to talk again.
"Is it not what they say; rip the bandaid off quickly so it hurts less? Trixie wouldn't want her daughter to hurt; that goes against the promise Trixie made with you, Fuu," she explained, but I saw in her eyes that she was unsure of whether she made the right decision considering my reaction.
"No, I mean, yes, that's what the doctors said, but I was... I mean," I stumbled, then turned my eyes down to look at the ground between us. "It was the first gift you got me..."
Trixie let out a surprised snort.
"What a gift... The Great and Powerful Trixie could get you so much better a gift once we make it to Los Pegasus, Fuu; she will perform on the mainstage once she shows the ponies in that town what REAL stage magic is," she boasted.
"Once Trixie gets paid, she will get those adoption papers sorted, buy a new wagon, get you a new hat - nay, a whole outfit for joining Trixie on stage!" she orated in a sudden bout of excitement. "You'll want for nothing once Trixie gets hired, just wait and see."
Oh how those promises sounded sweet to my ears, yet I knew what her overconfidence could lead to.
"I don't need all that," I muttered up instead.
I leaned my head in against her chest and just stood against her for a moment.
"I'd be happy enough just learning magic from you, traveling, spending time watching the sun rise and fall," I sighed, suddenly way more tired than I thought I was.
Trixie noticed it as well, and looked down upon me with concern.
"See what Trixie meant with conserving your magic, Fuu? Let's head inside and she will make you lunch, but you'll have to take a midday nap after that to get your mana back. She'll not have you complain about headaches in the afternoon," she decided.
"Yes mom," I answered, now less so as a joke than I did before.
"Once you're awake again, Trixie will want to see a proper smokebomb from you before she'll move on to your next lesson," Trixie continued, her right hoof patting across my back. "You'll be as good a magician as Trixie is before you'll know it. Let that be a present from her as well."
"Yes mom," I mumbled into the blue fuzz on her chest. "I'll do my best."
"Good, now let's get out of the cold," Trixie pressed. "It is not as bad while she walks, but standing still makes it creep up through Trixie's coat."
She gently pushed me in the direction of the wagon, so I turned to move on my own accord, my mind still blown by what happened just now and my emotional turmoil over it.
Gone was the collar I had worn since the first day after arriving here.
It had been a symbol of my forced submission to her, her desire to punish me for the transgression of hitting her with my car, her status as somepony who knew better than me what my future would hold.
And it was also just an item of clothing, and not one I had seen on other ponies in Ponyville.
But maybe that was why I felt like a part of me had disappeared with it; it had set me aside from all the other pastel ponies in Equestria.
Without it, I was just another background pony in the show.
I yawned as I climbed up the steps to the wagon porch. I was undeniably tired, whether it was from the mana drain or otherwise.
Trixie pulled my hat off my head and put it up on one of the hooks on the wall inside, her own following shortly after to hang from the other hook.
"Tell Trixie how it feels, Fuu. Just tired? Nausea? Headache?" she queried.
"Just tired," I responded flatly.
"Lay on the bed while Trixie makes you and herself lunch. Let her know if you start to get a headache or feel nauseous," Trixie decided.
She walked on over to the kitchenette and started making some of the same old sandwiches she had been making this morning, and the day before, and before that.
I climbed on the bed and lay down with my head on one of the pillows, a brief moan escaping my lips as I felt a dizzy spell from turning over onto my side.
Trixie stopped what she was doing and turned to face me, a concerned look on her face.
"I just had a dizzy spell, I'm fine," I warded off before she could speak.
She looked me over as if she didn't entirely believe me, but then turned back for the kitchenette again.
"Then don't disturb Trixie as she makes food," she grumbled half-heartedly.
I could forgive her the occasional snide remark seeing how much progress we made in a short amount of time.
I watched the back of her head as she put her sandwiches together and considered what my future with her would be like.
She had been so dismissive, so angry, so bothered by my existence.
Luna taking an interest in me had finally snapped something in Trixie and now she was tilting hard in the extreme other direction.
Now we were talking about having me adopted by her, learning magic tricks from her, with those moments of genuine concern for my wellbeing radiating from her all the way through.
It was like she was trying to overcorrect for her earlier mistakes. But was this something which Trixie could maintain?
I stifled a yawn. I was so tired, slightly dazed.
Was it just the magic training? Had I emptied my magic reserves as Trixie seemed to think?
Or was it an emotional whiplash from these new developments?
I had only just settled into my life in Ponyville only for Trixie to tear me away from it.
My life at school, my friends, the book I still had to return to Twilight's library.
How long would it take for me to settle into this new experience?
Would Trixie get her spot on the mainstage in this city we were headed for?
Could I live up to her expectations of me? Both as an assistant and a soon-to-be adopted daughter?
Or was it all going to change again the moment I let my guard down?
Trixie finished the sandwiches and sat down on the bed next to me, the plates drifting after her from the kitchenette by her magic.
She put them down between us and then looked at me with a frown plastered on her face.
"You've eaten without using your magic before," she recalled. "Can Trixie trust you with that or should she feed you?"
I chuckled weakly at remembering my early days learning how to use magic, sending assorted items flying into Trixie's face.
"You can trust me, 'mom'," I told her. "Especially with these sandwiches of yours; you make them the same each day so I know how to eat them almost without spilling."
A muscle on Trixie's face twitched, but she just studied me as I took my first bite.
I made it a point to smile at her as I chewed my food, which clearly calmed her worries.
We sat in silence while she started on her own sandwiches, using her magic to float them off her plate toward herself.
With me being barred from using my magic, I just used my mouth while I tried to keep any spillage on my plate.
Trixie watched me as she ate her own sandwiches, but I couldn't guess at what was going through her head as she did.
Her being a larger pony, and able to use her magic, she finished before me.
She peered over her empty plate at mine, at my efforts of eating without my magic, at her sandwiches disappearing one bite at a time.
"They're bland, aren't they?" she suddenly sighed.
I stopped chewing and perked my tired head up.
"Trixie has been eating these very same sandwiches every day since she started traveling on her own," she revealed.
"They're easy to make, the ingredients stay good for a while, and it's just become routine to her," Trixie considered.
I swallowed before opening my mouth to speak.
"They're not bland," I protested. "I mean, they're the same sandwiches you've made since I was brought here, but a little stability is a good thing, right?"
Trixie just shook her head at herself.
"We'll eat better once Trixie gets onto the mainstage, Fuu," she promised to me.
"You don't have to change everything about yourself just for my benefit, you know?" I countered. "These sandwiches are still better than what I had for lunch back on Earth."
"That is a low bar to set. From what Trixie has seen of that world, Equestria has higher standards overall," she scoffed.
"In some ways, yes," I agreed. "Can we agree that I like your sandwiches please, mis... mom?"
"Miss mom?" Trixie wondered bemusedly.
"Too much change at once," I excused myself. "It's hard to keep up with it all."
Trixie's smile fell again and she instead picked some crumbs from the bedsheets with her magic, putting them on her empty plate as if she needed to occupy herself with something.
I bit down into the remainder of my sandwich to finish my lunch in this awkward moment of silence between us.
"Trixie feels like she can do better," Trixie mumbled, more to herself than anything.
I gave her an empathetic nod, but my mouth was once again filled with my lunch so there was no way for me to say anything until I swallowed it down.
"Trixie must do better, Fuu," she now spoke to me directly. "Especially now you're here with Trixie. This competition must go Trixie's way so she can support you properly."
There was that desperation to her voice again, as I had heard from myself before when I called her out on her behaviour.
Trixie was swimming in as deep emotional waters as I was, and we needed to keep one another afloat in them.
"I'm sure it will be fine if we trust in one another, mom," I put to her. "You've got such drive to be the best magical pony in Equestria, I'm sure you can get there."
Trixie smiled a careful smile my way.
"That means a lot to Trixie, thank you Fuu," she breathed out.
I saw her visibly relaxing where she sat, but I knew it was just temporary.
She just kept on blaming herself for every little thing that went wrong, then getting overwhelmed from self-criticism, which had resulted in her lashing out toward others.
I yawned again, but then finally got the last of my sandwich down.
Trixie stacked our plates and levitated them to the kitchenette for cleaning so they would be out of the way.
A collection of crumbs followed immediately after so they would not get lost in the sheets.
"You should take a nap until you feel well enough again, Fuu. Trixie has more to teach you when you can use your magic again," she decided.
"Yes mom," I answered dutifully, "but we're in this together, okay?"
Trixie smirked at my words.
"That's what scares Trixie so," she sighed.
"Talk with me about it, mom," I suggested. "I mean, when I'm not this tired."
Trixie made a face like she had to pass gas.
"We're in this together," I repeated myself. "I'm not going anywhere. You need to be able to trust me."
"Lay your head down and get some sleep, Fuu," Trixie grumbled.
She used her magic to apply a little pressure to the side of my head, and I lowered it to my pillow again.
"I'm not going anywhere, mom," I repeated.
"Trixie knows," she sighed. "Take a nap, get your strength back."
I closed my eyes and just let myself drift off, hoping my message got through to her.
A tired blue alicorn was sat on a lounge chair with purple cushions, a big book laid open before her. She turned to look in my direction, over the rim of the reading glasses resting on her muzzle. "Another visit, young Fuu?" Luna wondered. "What has you taking a nap at what must be the height of my sister's day?" I looked around myself and the dreamspace filled itself in with more items as I put my focus on them. A dresser, a bed, a rug on the floor, a window set in a wall. Luna watched me take in the room we were in, patiently waiting for a reply to her question. "Mom sent me to bed after I used too much magic during training," I finally breathed out. "Where are we, princess Luna?" Luna raised an eyebrow and used her magic to levitate her glasses off her muzzle and put them down on her book. "It is but a representation of our bedroom in Canterlot," the princess answered. "Fitting, considering thou hast seen our other bedroom as well." She studied me a little more intently. "Who is it you call 'mom', Fuu? Could it be your Trixie?" she guessed. "Uh-huh," I answered with a quick nod. "She's going to adopt me when we get to Los Pegasus. Today has been a day." "Curious. If your princess may make an observation; you were complaining about her being abusive just the last time we met," Luna considered. "She's... complicated. We're in a better place now, trying to figure out how to get through this together," I explained. I took a few steps toward the princess, sitting down on the rug nearer to the lounge chair. Luna watched me with interest as I approached. "It sounds like a positive development, at least," she noted. "And it is obvious your dream journal is working as intended." "Yes, princess Luna. Although Trixie said she doesn't like how she can't move it or read it," I replied honestly. "That sounds familiar," Luna chuckled. "Our sister Celestia said much the same when we received ours." "She did?" I queried. "Oh, yes. It is why we started to hide ours under our bed," the princess agreed. "That's where mine is as well," I revealed to her. "It's not like we have much space in our wagon to keep it anywhere else." Luna just smiled warmly in my direction. After the emotional turmoil I had gone through in the morning hours, Luna's smile filled me with a warmth I desperately needed to feel from somepony else. With Trixie having decided to adopt me, to change our relationship in a way that was going to have effects for years to come, I needed more than empty promises from her. Just that smile from Luna gave me what I craved from my soon-to-be mom. Luna promised nothing and demanded nothing in return. She just sat there and shared her dreamspace with me. It was a far cry from Trixie constantly pushing herself and me to get better. I wiped the stupid dream tears from my stupid dream body's cheeks. "I'm sorry, princess, I'm not usually crying this much," I apologized. "Don't apologize, young Fuu. You are going through a tumultuous time right now," the princess warded off. "We gave you your journal so you might have somepony to confide in. So we may ask you about your world, and you may ask us about our own," she continued. "You should feel safe to express yourself however you must while here," Luna explained. "Your dreams are yours to shape." I just kept wiping at my eyes, but the water was starting to pool around me as if I was seated in a bathtub which was slowly filling itself with my tears. Luna leaned her head down closer to me. "What is it you are thinking of right now, young Fuu?" she queried in a gentle voice. "That I'm in over my head, princess. Trixie is forcing changes upon me so fast that I can barely keep up with it," I answered her honestly. "Like you are drowning in, what I can only consider to be a bathtub?" Luna summarised. She nudged her head a little as if she wanted me to pay attention to something by my side. I looked around by her prompting to find that I was sitting in a freestanding white porcelain bathtub which was slowly filling itself with water. Each tear which leaked down my cheeks made the water rise further around my flanks. "Where did this come from?" I wondered with some confusion. "Remember what we said, young Fuu; you shape the world of your dreams," Luna reminded me. "You may have wandered into our dream as if we left the front door wide open, but you brought with it your own dreamscape," she pointed out further. "We suggest you get control over it before it rises past your withers," the princess suggested calmly. "How?" I sniffled. "Perhaps you should let it drain away?" Luna offered up. I looked around myself for the drain plug, but the floor sank away from under me as I did until I was forced to tread water just to stay above it. Luna stood up from where she sat, and stood between me and the lounge chair she had been sitting on moments before. My brain couldn't comprehend how she was standing on the water I was now trying to not drown in. Luna tapped the surface she stood on with her left hoof and the sound it produced was not the splashing I had expected. It was more a soft thud like she had placed her hoof on a soft rug covering a stone floor. In that moment I remembered that I had been sitting on a rug in her bedroom. The ground came rushing up to me under the water until I was sure I could sit on it again without submerging, and I dared to fold my legs under me when it did. I looked around myself in amazement as the water around me pulled away while the bathtub disappeared, and soon enough I was sitting on Luna's rug again. With still moist eyes, I turned my head to look at Luna's face, her warm smile now so close to me. There was no judgement, no pressure, just that smile of hers. "As we said before, young Fuu; we are here for you when you need us," the princess of the night reminded me. "Has anypony ever told you you're imposing when you do something like that?" I sniffled. "Many a time," Luna agreed. She sank down through her long legs to sit down beside me, and reached out to gently nuzzle at the top of my head. "You just need to have faith in yourself, young Fuu," she suggested to me through the hairs of my mane. "It was by your own understanding of the situation that the waters receded." "And I didn't even have to use magic for it this time," I chuckled weakly. "Exactly; it was all you," the princess pressed onto me. She pulled away from my mane to look down at me. "Do you understand what your princess is telling you?" she wondered. I looked up at the larger mare and gave a careful nod up. "I think so, princess," I tried. "You said I'm in control of my own dreams?" "It extends farther than that," Luna suggested calmly. "Even in the light of my sister's sun, you are in control of your own life." "It doesn't feel that way, what with Trixie making snap decisions for me," I sighed out. Luna snorted at the thought, but that smile remained on her lips. "It matters not what decisions other ponies make for us, young Fuu. What matters is how you allow them to affect you," she explained. "We know how somepony else's actions may lead one down a path of confusion and despair," the princess continued. "It is easy to fall to one's nightmares when you lose the belief that you are in control." The light drained away from around her, even as she started to change into that terrible, frightening form she had on Nightmare Night. "It is what led to the creation of the princess of nightmares; Nightmare Moon," Nightmare Moon spoke with a cold, harsh tone to her voice. "We lost to the darkness inherent to our nightmares, the whispers of inadequacy, the promise of power," she continued. I remembered the story from the show, from school here in Equestria, and from what she told me herself when we met during Nightmare Night. "It is only when you trust in yourself, when you focus on your strengths, that you can push those insecurities aside and consider what truly matters," Nightmare Moon pointed out. Light returned to my eyes again as Nightmare Moon transformed back into Luna. "You know your strengths innately, young Fuu. Everypony does, although it is easy to forget in turbulent times," the princess suggested. "Your Trixie most likely has that problem as well as you do, young Fuu," she pointed out. "She forgets about her strengths, and acts out from fear of her weaknesses being exposed." "I told her I was going to be there for her, princess. Even as I fell asleep," I recalled. "She needs me to support her." "Your princess agrees, but your Trixie might be unable to see it just yet," Luna explained gently. She leaned in again and nuzzled at the top of my head some more, and I leaned in to the comforting gesture. "I'll have to persist, then," I decided. "The more I learn about her, the more I think Trixie just really needs somepony to confide in. She has so many hangups which trigger an emotional response, it can't be easy for her either." "Don't forget about yourself," Luna warned. "We are here when you need us."
I felt the pull of the waking world on me, but tried to keep it at bay for a little longer. "You're like a big sister, princess Luna. I can't believe how lucky I am that I have caught your eye when I did," I mused. "These moments help me so much, you have no idea." Luna just gave a gentle nibble on my mane. "We know how much it can help to just have a listening ear, young Fuu. Don't forget yourself whilst you walk in my sister's light," she warned me. "You have the strength you need inside you. Trust in it." "I'll do my best princess," I answered her. "I believe you can do it," Luna trusted to me as I finally lost my battle against my body waking up.
Luna's last sentence echoed through my mind as I opened my eyes.
"I believe you can do it," she had said.
The princess believed in me, in my ability to survive the ever-changing winds of Trixie's erratic emotions.
I could be there in a supporting role for Trixie. I had to trust in my own ability to do so, especially with the princess' backing.
Now I just needed Trixie to believe that as well.