With renewed energy thanks to my nap, I rolled out of bed and pulled my hat off its hook.
I bounded out of the door and onto the road as the cart was pulled along yet again by the blue unicorn mare up front.
With my hat back on my head, I reached the front again before long and grinned over at Trixie as she glanced my way.
"Ah, Trixie sees you are awake again, Fuu," she suggested.
"Yep, and I feel fine," I boasted. "No lack of magic or energy. I can do more smoke bombs any time."
"Maybe not today; nightfall is not too far away, and Trixie must make up for lost time," Trixie decided.
"What do you mean, mom?" I wondered. "You didn't take a nap as well, did you?"
"No, Trixie did not. But she normally makes better time as there are less interruptions. We are not on schedule," the blue magician grumbled.
"Can I help somehow?" I had to ask, wanting to be there for Trixie. "I can try pulling as well? Just taking the weight off your shoulders a little?"
Trixie briefly thought about it while pulling the wagon around a bend in the road.
"Trixie wonders if you understand the sustained energy draw of pulling a cart like this," she muttered in reply.
"I didn't say I could pull it by myself, mom; I was thinking of pulling along with you. Even a little bit of help could make it easier on you, right?" I repeated my idea.
"That could work," she agreed. "You would need to take up position in front of Trixie so she can see when you are taxing yourself. Trixie does not want a repeat of earlier today."
"Yes mom," I agreed, hurrying on over to walk just in front of her in front of the wagon. "You just have to tell me where to go, because I have no idea."
"Just follow the road, Fuu; it doesn't branch off until closer to Los Pegasus," Trixie grumbled.
"I can do that," I giggled.
"Now reach out with your magic for the wood beams we walk between and pull them forward," the blue magician ordered from behind me. "Don't immediately use all your magic; build it up until you feel comfortable with the constant outpouring of mana."
"Yes mom," I returned eagerly.
I let my magic flow out through my horn and reach for the wood beams as instructed.
Given Trixie's warning, I started with a small amount of magic and then increased it while sensing what it effectively did to the wagon.
It was a little like tugging a boat along by a rope which had some give to it.
As this imaginary rope pulled taut, the weight of the wagon transferred to me via my horn and I started to get a good feel for how heavy it actually was.
Since the wagon was already in motion thanks to Trixie pulling it, I at least didn't have to pull it from a standstill, but it was clear there was no way for me to pull it on my own.
Trixie decreased her magic output until she noticed I couldn't increase mine without straining myself.
"Make sure you can keep a constant pull on it. Trixie is making up the difference needed to keep the wagon rolling," she reminded me. "Warn her if you need her to take over from you."
"Yes mom," I called back. "I'm fine for now. Am I helping, if only a little?"
There was a noncommitting grumble from behind me and I dared to glance back at Trixie.
"Keep your eyes up Fuu, front," the blue mare behind me chided.
"Ouch," I replied mockingly. "That was a bad joke."
"Forth, Fuu. Fuu, Forth," Trixie joked.
"No more, please," I begged.
"It's not like Trixie hasn't stopped thinking of a new name for you," Trixie revealed. "Why not come up with one yourself as we walk?"
"What's wrong with Fuu? I've gotten used to it," I returned. "I'm fine going for a secondary name or something?"
"Nopony else is called Fuu," the mare behind me protested.
"Good, then I can't be confused with somepony else," I retorted. "How many ponies do you know who are called Trixie, anyway?"
"Trixie doesn't know anypony else named Trixie," she stated.
"There you go, mom. If you can have a unique name, why can't I?" I put before her.
"Trixie is starting to regret taking that collar off you; you're getting mouthy," the magician behind me grumbled.
I bit down on my lower lip, choosing not to respond to that.
The sudden removal and destruction of my collar was a sore spot still, even if it was a little ridiculous I had gotten so attached to it.
Trixie scraped her throat in mild discomfort.
"Okay, Trixie can see that was a bad thing to say," she mumbled with clear embarrassment to her voice.
I realised my ears and tail had drooped down and forced them back to a more neutral position.
"Too soon, mom," I muttered back.
"Trixie is trying her best," Trixie sighed.
"Stop saying that," I threw back. "Stop saying you're doing your best. I don't need you to be your best."
"What do you want Trixie to do?" she countered.
"Just give yourself time, mom. I can't learn to do magic on your level overnight. I can't expect you to change who you are overnight either," I suggested.
"I'm happy enough not being thrown around the wagon when you're angry, but it's fine to have emotions, you know?" I sighed, glancing back over my right shoulder. "It's fine to just be yourself and let them out in the open. Better than to have them bottled up."
The rim of Trixie's hat cast her face in a dark shadow as Celestia's sun slipped lower in the sky, and I couldn't tell what expression she had on her face as a result.
"Had another dream, did you?" she asked accusingly, tilting her head forward a bit to further hide her face away even more.
A thought occured to me and I put my attention to the road in front of me again so the wagon wouldn't veer off it into some bushes or a tree or something.
"It scares you to be yourself, doesn't it?" I considered. "Even around me. Even considering I'm going to be your daughter."
"Stop it, Fuu," Trixie grumbled. "Not today. Not now."
"Okay mom," I agreed. "Just remember I'm not going anywhere. Whether through the magic of the transformation or whatever, all I've been doing is trying to fit in the role you assigned to me."
"Like someone on Earth said at some point; all of the world is a movie and we're all just actors playing our roles or something," I was sure I quoted wrongly.
The weight of the wagon increased but I couldn't keep up with the magic drain to compensate, so I ended up slowing my pace.
"To the right, that opening between the trees," Trixie pointed out. "We're parking there for the night."
"I see it," I answered, and tried to steer for it. "You okay, mom?"
"No," she answered curtly.
I had the feeling she needed me to be quiet, so I shut up again.
We parked the wagon off the side of the road, and I stopped channeling my magic.
Turning to face Trixie, she stood there trembling on her hooves as steam rose around her. Her head was tilted slightly forward, the rim of her hat hiding her face from me fully.
I considered her stance for a moment, then took a step away from her.
"I'll... be in the wagon," I mumbled, trying to not push her more.
We had both had some emotional days behind us, with varying degrees of us opening up to one another.
Trixie was still locking something away from me, even now, but this was clearly not the time for me to press it.
I turned away and walked back around to the rear of the wagon, then climbed in and hung my hat on the hook inside.
Once again I clambered up on the bed, but I chose to take up a spot in the corner, using the pillows which had been on the ground before to both support me and form a makeshift wall so Trixie could have her own space on the bed beside me.
And then I waited.
Night fell properly and Trixie eventually joined me in the wagon, tossed her hat onto its own hook, and fell onto the bed.
She said nothing, she didn't offer to make dinner, she just curled up on the bed.
With all lights doused and night coming for us, we both just lay there in the dark.
I couldn't grasp sleep. Not so soon after my nap. Not while knowing that Trixie was going through things she didn't want to bother me with.
Things she had not confessed to anyone but herself. Things which hid in the deepest, darkest crevasses of her psyche.
I stared at the food on my plate and idly mixed it around with the fork I levitated with my magic. It looked sickly, poisonous, inedible. Just some grey goop with chunks in it. "You're going to have to get through it if you want to grow up big and strong," a voice told me from across the table. I looked up to find an unknown mare there. Brown coat like myself, greying mane which at one point must have been a light brown or blonde, smart glasses resting on her muzzle. "I'm sure it'll taste horrible," I protested. "Listen to your mother; we need a taste of something horrid now and again to help us appreciate the better tasting things in life," she suggested. I looked around myself. This place barely had any detail unless I put my focus on it. The floor, the ceiling, the walls, every item in it, faded in and out of focus as if they were only there because I noticed them. "This is a dream," I realised. I put my focus on the other pony and shook my head at her. "I'm sorry, but you're not my mom," I apologized for some reason. "Thank you for the advice though." She smirked even as she started to shimmer and collapse into nothingness before my eyes. "That was quick of you," Luna remarked, standing off to the side in the quickly fading realm of imaginary items. "What happened, young Fuu?" "Has Trixie fallen asleep yet?" I countered. "She has," the princess agreed. "How is she doing, princess? I think I may have touched a nerve," I wondered. There was a brief vacancy in the princess' eyes, but then her attention returned to me again. "She is having a nightmare, and it's a worrying one," Luna revealed. "Is there anything I can do to help her weather it, princess? I pretty much caused it," I sighed I closed the distance between us and Luna watched me as if she was sizing me up. "You shouldn't," she considered after a moment. "Not unless you wish to take on more hay than you could conceivably eat in one sitting." "But I caused the problem, princess. I should take responsibility for my own actions, shouldn't I?" I considered. "You are very forward about it all of a sudden, young Fuu," Luna realised. "I care about Trixie. She's supposed to become my mom. I want us to have a future where we're not constantly at each others' throats," I explained. "I need to know what's bothering her so I can help her, but she doesn't want to open up to me." "Would it help if your princess told you you're not the subject of your Trixie's nightmare?" the princess wondered. "Only a little. I told her to be herself. To drop the mask she was wearing, at least around me," I sighed. "We all wear masks," Luna knew. "I don't think I am. Not anymore," I considered, shaking my head a little. "Have you told anypony beyond Trixie and me about your being human, Fuu?" the princess of dreams queried. "No?" I replied. "I haven't really had a reason to?" "That, in itself, is a mask," the older pony explained to me. "You always hide a part of yourself which is private. In every situation, every relationship, no matter how much you trust the other." I stared up at her, at this tall alicorn mare who had probably been close to my human age before she had been locked away in the moon. "So Trixie's masking," I started. "She has many, they are layered deep within, and are important to her," Luna revealed. "The very thought of baring herself scares her." "But she revealed so much about herself to me already," I protested, knowing how much we had spoken in the recent days. "Some things slip out in the heat of an argument," the princess agreed. "I know I have said a thing or two to my sister which I shouldn't have, just because my emotions got the better of me." I did a doubletake. "You're not using the royal 'we', princess?" I noticed. Luna chuckled at that. "Celestia pressed upon me that time has moved on from that sort of thing. I am trying to adjust as well as you are," she suggested calmly. "It is fine if you want to use it around me, princess. Trixie has a unique way of talking as well," I offered. "I've gotten used to it." "Don't mind if we do," Luna laughed heartily. "It is comforting to know there is somepony who will accept one's oddities, even if it is just an outdated manner of speech." "Why wouldn't I? You accepted me for who I am," I pointed out to her. "Trixie has..." I stopped and consider what all happened between Trixie and me in the past day. She had hammered onto me that she was changing, that she was ready to accept me, that she wanted to adopt me. Trixie had destroyed my collar and then gave me a new kind of bondage to tie me to her; making me her daughter. "Hasn't she?" I now sincerely doubted. "It is hard for her to accept anypony, since she does not accept who she is herself," Luna sighed. "No, I need to give her the benefit of the doubt, princess," I decided. Luna looked down upon me, a smile playing on her lips. "Trixie said she would adopt me. She's trying so hard to make this work," I defended her. "She needs me as much as I need her." "Perhaps more so than you need her," Luna pressed upon me once again. I frowned at her. "So about that nightmare of hers," I started. "Why are you not allowing me to help her if she needs me so much?" "Because this nightmare of hers is not about you, young Fuu," Luna repeated herself. "We don't believe you can help her with it." "Then what do you expect me to do here? I'm obviously no longer dreaming about horrible food," I sighed. Luna shrugged at that. "What is it you want to do, young Fuu? You are still asleep; anything is possible," she noted. "What would you do, princess?" I wondered. "You caught me doing what I would do myself when you last took a nap," she pointed out with a chuckle. "Read a book?" I recalled with some confusion. "You would be surprised how little time your princess gets to enjoy the little things," Luna revealed. "The most mundane pleasantries disappear into the background of the rituals which govern life in the palace," the princess mused. She leaned in to nuzzle at the top of my head some. "Why do you keep doing that, princess?" I had to ask. "Mundane pleasantries," Luna mumbled as she continued giving attention to the top of my head. "Is it bothering you?" "No," I admitted, leaning into it. "Not at all. It's a little more familiar than I could have ever hoped for, but not unpleasant." Luna and I stood in this weird half existence of an interrupted dream, with her nuzzling into my mane and me just enjoying the calm moment between us. Every time she had done this I had just instantly had this wave of peace fall over me. The feeling that I was protected, watched over, welcome. All the words spoken between us were just that; words. Words could be twisted, changed, taken back. This sensation was far more intimate, unfiltered, needing no explanation. Mundane pleasantries, she called it. I could get used to mundane pleasantries like these. "You don't have to worry about your Trixie while she sleeps, young Fuu," Luna tried to comfort me. "Your princess watches over everypony's dreams, as you well know," she reminded me, "and we can be in more than one dream at the same time." "As we speak here, your Trixie is fighting a fight she has fought before. And we are helping her by guiding her as much as she requires to not lose hope during her struggle," the princess explained. "Remember when we first met in your own nightmare; it is rare for me to interfere that directly. That openly," Luna pointed out calmly. I closed my eyes and waited for her to get to the point. "Most of the time when somepony has a nightmare, they are able to get through it on their own with only a little push in the right direction. That is all I do for them," she continued to explain. I gave a slow nod to her words. "If I was to bring you to your Trixie's nightmare, could you do the same? Could you keep your distance and just whisper to her from the shadows?" she wondered. "Would you be able to keep your emotions under control, young Fuu?" Luna pressed. She finally pulled away from nuzzling me and just looked at me instead. "Trust in your would-be mother, young Fuu. She is capable of fighting these fights herself when given time," the blue alicorn mare ensured me. I blinked my eyes open to hear Trixie groaning on the bed near me.
She was obviously still stuck in her nightmare, which Luna had told me I couldn't help her deal with.
While I was awake and alert all of a sudden, it was clearly still the middle of the night as I couldn't see a hoof in front of my face.
Had the princess just unceremoniously thrown me out of my own dream after making her point clear?
What had woken me up?
A sudden thud from outside tried to answer my question; there was something out there!
The weather was calm enough that I could hear something sniffing the air outside as if it was catching our scent, but there were no hooffalls.
A dog? Wolf? Bear even? I could only guess right now.
Trixie had warned me not to stray far from the wagon at night, but I had to worry about how safe we were inside of it if a wild animal tried to force its way in.
I moved a pillow or two out of my way, feeling my way to the edge of the bed.
Trixie was resting a little away from me, giving me plenty of room to scoot past her until I slipped off the edge and onto my hooves.
I immediately slipped in front of the door and sat my rump down in front of it.
The door swinging outward was a problem. I couldn't just block the door with my weight and hope for the best.
Instead I reached out for the latch with my magic. Just enough magic to keep it pinned in its closed state, but hopefully not enough to draw attention to myself.
I would have to hope Trixie could keep quiet as well.
Another thud on the side of the wagon, closer to the back of it, and the sniffling followed shortly behind.
I was glad I made the decision to keep the door forced closed as it was clear they were on their way toward it.
With any luck the creature outside would be dumb enough to consider a closed door just another impassable wall and would move on.
The stairs creaked as a weight pushed down on them, the sniffing now just a wood panel away from me.
A thud against the door made it bend inward a little, and now I could hear the tapping and soft scraping of nails following it.
I felt my heart thump faster in my chest and tried to control my breathing in an effort to stay calm and focused.
It didn't help that I could trace where the creature was touching the door on the other side by the way the wood bulged on mine.
I was just a little unicorn filly trying her best to keep something clearly much larger out of her home.
The situation was straight out of a bad horror movie as far as I was concerned.
I could feel the creature's breath under the crack under the door, but the door didn't give it entry into the wagon.
My magic held the latch firmly in place, and even if it didn't the creature was mostly just pushing the door closed rather than trying to pull it open.
All I had to do was to keep it out and not give it a reason to stick around.
All I had to do was to keep quiet.
Of course, in true horror fashion, that's when Trixie cried out in agony over something that happened in her nightmare...
The sound of Trixie's voice was closely followed by the roar of something I could now identify as a bear, even if I didn't know the type.
It was big, that's what it was, and obviously searching for food.
The roar of surprise, of realising there was something hidden in this weird wooden box it had found parked in the forest it obviously called home.
Now the question was how it would get into the box, and the first thing it considered was just pounding on the door I sat in front of.
Trixie startled awake from the pounding, and the first thing she did was light the lamp with her magic.
She sat up in bed, looked around to find me seated on the ground in front of a door which was in the process of being broken down, and must have thought she rolled from one nightmare into the next if I had to judge by her facial expression.
"Fuu, what..." she started, but then her brain caught up to the facts.
She scrambled onto her hooves and launched herself off the bed to stand right in front of me.
"That door won't hold long. What did you do?!" she asked in a half-panic.
"I just held the door shut while it sniffed around. It was going to go away on its own before you suddenly screamed," I explained as fast as I could possibly speak.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie had a nightmare, don't blame this on her," she grumbled.
I felt her reach out with her own magic to help mine to keep the door in its place, the wood straightening out even as the bear still tried to punch through it from the other side.
"Don't you know some kind of magic trick to distract it, mom?" I wondered up, somewhat relieved she was helping out.
"Yes, of course, why didn't Trixie think of that," she scoffed. "Let her think... how to distract a hungry bear?"
"They like honey, don't they?" I tried to help.
"Trixie will just conjure a jar of honey out of her hat, shall she? Oh, wait, we don't have a jar of honey, and both of our hats are inside here with us," Trixie retorted. "It doesn't work like that."
"Well, I wouldn't know," I grumbled. "What else could we do beside just keeping the door shut?"
"Kitchen, bottom left cupboard, small bag in the back," Trixie ordered. "Trixie will keep the bear out."
I quickly doused my magic and scooted past her as well I could, opening the cupboard to find the bag she pointed out.
"Pepper?" I read on the label as I held it up in the light.
"Yes, that's it. Spread it around in front of the door, quickly now," Trixie instructed.
I moved the bag closer to her and upended it so the black powder would leak out.
"That's enough, now send it through the gap under the door. Forcefully, like a smokebomb explosion," mom groaned with much effort. "And hurry it; the bear is almost through the wood panel."
I put the partially emptied bag down before me, then forcefully shoved the powder on the ground out through the crack under the door as instructed.
There was another punch of the bear's large claw against the wood, the panel bending inward a little to give us a terrifying glimpse of the furred limb.
And then the bear sneezed in surprise, and sneezed again immediately after.
The claw withdrew from the door as the bear now had to deal with the pepper dust invading its nose as it had tried to invade our wagon.
A thud and shake of the wagon indicated it had fallen off the small landing on the other side as it tried to get the tingling out of its nose.
The sounds which followed made me feel a little sorry about the poor creature; it was obviously panicking over this sudden attack.
But I also felt relief that it had stopped trying to get through to us.
Trixie flopped down on the ground, shaking her head tiredly.
"That should make it think twice about coming in here," she decided. "Well done, Fuu."
I smiled up at hearing the compliment.
"Do you think it will leave us alone now, mom?" I had to ask.
"Trixie hopes it will; that door won't take another beating like that without breaking apart into tinder," mom sighed out.
We both sat and listened to the bear grumble and stumble about outside.
The sounds quieted down a bit as the effects of the pepper receded, but that didn't mean we were out of danger yet.
The sniffling I had woken to earlier returned as the bear thought about its options.
Here was a wooden box with something in it which stung its nose if it tried to get to it.
An annoyed snort told us it had decided against trying again.
Trixie and I listened to it walk off while it moaned to itself in whatever language bears used, as if it was complaining about its luck this night.
I let out a relieved breath of air I hadn't been aware I was holding.
"That was close," I whimpered.
"It was," Trixie agreed.
She turned around to face me, and instantly decided to put the bag of pepper sat between us back in the cupboard.
"When did you wake up?" she demanded.
"Shortly before it got to the door, mom. It bumped the side of the wagon a few times," I explained. "You were having a nightmare; I couldn't wake you."
Trixie recalled something and her ears drooped down.
"Yes," she agreed. "Trixie can still remember bits of it."
"I didn't know if you wanted me to wake you up after yesterday," I sighed. "I didn't dare get in the way."
The blue mare looked at me pensively.
"You're not in Trixie's way," she whispered. "She's in her own way more than you are."
I smirked up at hearing that. This was something I had considered for longer already, but Trixie getting to the realisation on her own was another thing entirely.
Trixie looked back at me, her eyes twitching a little as if her thoughts were coming at her fast and hard.
Luna had told me I couldn't help her in her dreams, but we were awake now.
I moved closer to her and buried my face in against her fur.
"I'm here for you, mom," I reminded her.
"Trixie knows that, Fuu," she sighed as she leaned her head down against the top of mine.
"You don't always act like you do," I countered. "We're stronger together, but you have to trust that I won't betray you when you show weakness."
Trixie just sighed out at that.
"I can't come to you in your nightmares, mom. Those are the princess' domain, but I'm here for you while you're awake," I continued.
"So you keep saying," she grumbled.
"And you keep not wanting to confide in me. At least, not really. You're still hiding," I pointed out.
"Who's the parent in this relationship, you or Trixie?" she wondered.
"You," I answered.
"Then give your poor mom a break," Trixie decided. "She will need more time."
"I'm not going anywhere," I once more reminded her.
"Trixie knows, on some level," she mumbled, her head weighing a little heavier on me.
"I have all the time in the world, mom. All the time you need," I put to her. "I'm not going anywhere."
A drop of warm liquid hit the top of my head, then another.
As Celestia's sun rose to cast its light on Equestria again, I just sat on the ground of our wagon, supporting Trixie as she cried in silence.
Trixie needed to let it all out, to get through those walls in her mind which were preventing her from trusting anypony else.
And she needed to do it by herself.
I couldn't help her in her dreams, as princess Luna had taken that role, but at least I could sit her and let her rest her head on top of mine.
Her mind was her own, and I didn't dare say anything to break through whatever she was going through.
So many days of emotional turmoil, crying so much, the two of us fighting to come together somehow.
And it was probably easier on me, given the magic rearranged my little filly brain to fit in with this world.
Things were happening to me and I just tried my best to adapt to it.
Maybe the transformation magic had done a number on my brain as it turned me into a filly.
Trixie calmed down after a while but moved her left foreleg around me and continued to rest against me.
I was starting to wonder if she would ever let me go, or whether I would mind if she did not.
I wondered, even, if she might have fallen asleep where we sat.
"Thank you, Fuu," Trixie finally breathed out.
I sort of shrugged at that, trying to figure out what she meant exactly.
"Trixie needs time," she finally realised. "She is going to need a lot of time."
I just kept quiet as she was on the right path and I didn't want to interrupt her.
"A year on the mainstage should give Trixie that time," she considered. "It would give her a stable income, take some pressure off."
It sounded too good to be true, but I wanted to give her that future, that stability, the same as how I craved it myself.
Having a year together like that would be plenty of time to work on our issues together.
Even with Trixie having to spend her evenings performing on stage, it should be enough time.
But first we would have to make it to Los Pegasus.
First there was that contest to get to.
And why was the thought of it filling me with dread?