Chapter Ten
Strangers
Emma dressed in a yellow eyelet dress arrived at the party and played wallflower as she watched everyone socialize. She felt suddenly shy and out of her element and she was hoping to hang out with Manny but she's not here yet. As of now, she was no stranger to parties but this party seemed so tame compared to the parties at the ravine, too refined and less gritty and felt generally unfazed by it all. It felt more like a school dance than an actual party. After about twenty minutes of standing there feeling insecure she checked her phone and noticed no sign of Manny not even an apology or running late be there soon. She texted her the address about a half-hour earlier but then nothing. Finally, she decided to distract herself and make herself a drink at the table some whiskey and coke she stirred it with the tiny straw and felt a tap on her shoulder. It was Peter, "Emma hey, so you came."
"I came." She managed a small smile and she took a sip of her drink in a clear plastic cup.
"I was hoping you would."
"Me miss a party? Unlikely." She flirted a bit yet felt a bit uncomfortable, but for some reason felt like she had something to prove. She had wanted this for so long Peter giving her the time of day but she couldn't be bothered with him, she tried being cordial and made small talk, "you party a lot?"
"Eh not so much. I'm more of a watcher. I like seeing others have a good time. I kind of throw parties here because I have the extra space and alone time with my dad always out but I don't really "party" if that makes sense." Peter answered, "do you read?"
"I dabble."
"Think of me as a Jay Gatsby, throwing parties wishful thinking some girl might walk in."
She asked him, "A girl? Who is she?"
"Blonde stands about 5'6" without heels." He was talking about her. Peter was not some cutie at the pool well he was but he was a huge flirt nothing special. He felt suddenly transparent to her.
Emma still blushed and looked down with a beam, before looking back up at him and changed the subject as she continued sipping and casually stirring her drink noticing he didn't have a drink, "You don't drink?"
"Oh but I do, I'm just a little old fashioned I like brandy." Peter stood beside Emma and knelt down to the bottom of the minibar cabinet and grabbed a bottle of Blackberry Brandy and two tumblers. He poured a small amount in each cup. Emma put down her other drink on the table beside her and took the brandy cup. "My dad's favorite, my first drink. I don't see a point in getting blackout drunk but rather to simply enjoy the moment."
"I see, so what shall we toast to?"
"To new friends?" Peter suggested, "speaking of where's your friend?"
"I guess she couldn't make it or she'll be here later."
He lifted his glass and they clinked glasses, and Emma took a sip and turned her head and made a total face. He managed a snicker and she giggled. It was nasty and strong, stronger than her whiskey drink and put it down on the table half-finished, "I'm sorry but I'll stick with my old stand by." as she raised her cup.
"No biggie." He said to her, "it's not for everyone."
Suddenly they weren't alone, the girl who had been tailing him all summer long came over to them. "Aren't you going to introduce me?" the girl asked somewhat annoyed with Emma's presence around him, to this day Emma was sort of curious to hear her name but she didn't say anything and looked around the party again. Peter was not really into her and she wasn't so much into Peter but then she saw a familiar face. "Sean?" She whispered to herself out loud but wasn't sure if she was imagining. She simply walked away from Peter and the mystery girl. Suddenly she saw Peter wasn't worth her time anymore, why bother?
And then she walked past them and saw Sean standing wallflower where she had been minutes ago with a guy she didn't recognize. He was tall, and kind of quiet. Emma decided to be cordial, after their heart to heart in Wasaga she figured they're on good terms and it'd be rude not to say hi. She stood next to him with her whiskey drink and smiled, "Fancy seeing you here."
"Emma!?" He exclaimed immediately pulling her into a hug, "I'm surprised to see you."
"I could say the same thing." Emma beamed, it was the first genuine smile she had all night.
"How have you been, this is Kyle we go way back. He invited me to this party when he saw me at the store. I'm mostly in town because I had to get some stuff from Ellie's place because she's moving out and I'm moving back to town in a few weeks just put a down payment on the place. . I decided it was time."
"I'm glad your back in town. I'm doing alright."
"I've missed you." Sean told her rather honestly, "I've been thinking about you since I left. How've you been holding up since . . . you know?"
Emma decided to keep things light because she didn't want to rehash it, "I don't know, I don't really want to talk about it." She started to say politely, "It still freaks me out to think about, you know?"
"It took me a while to open up about it too, for the first few weeks of therapy we sat in utter quiet me and the psychiatrist. I had trouble sleeping so he prescribed some antianxiety medicines and something to help me sleep. I went through some periods of insomnia because I was having pretty shitty nightmares and shit. How have you been holding yourself up? You look good, well you seem good, right?"
"At least I'm not alone."
"Has Tobes been okay?" Sean asked her, "I know they were kind of friends he and Rick."
"We don't really hang out in the same circles, he's kind of a loner and in the beginning, we talked a bit after the vigil for Jimmy but he just seems to want to forget all about it so nah not really."
"I remember when it was you four and I felt like the odd man out," as he talked about old times with JT, Toby, Manny and you." He reminded, she suddenly didn't mind the party because someone unexpected yet welcomed showed up she just was in that moment, and she liked how he brought up something she never heard before, "probably because I moved around town later I don't know but you guys were like this core four at the time and Liberty and I was like among the outskirts of it."
"I never looked at it that way. You were a big part of well
."
"I guess so." Sean smirked before changing the subject, "I'm parched where can I get a brewski?"
Emma led him to the table, and she looked around, "I don't see any beer mostly liquor."
"Ah okay. What are you drinking? I'll have whatever you're having."
"Whiskey and coke it was the only basic drink I know how to make." Jay introduced her to whiskey and coke. It was his signature cocktail after all. She was hoping Sean wouldn't mention him but then he did.
"Jay's favorite, he told me he got expelled."
"He did." Emma remained tight-lipped about the summer, she knew all too well. "I wouldn't really know the details."
"He bullied the shit out of Rick."
'Who didn't?" Emma asked matter of factly.
"You?"
"I made his list afterall, doesn't that state the obvious?" Emma muttered in question as she made Sean's drink trying to distract herself from the trauma while stating it plainly. She grabbed a straw from the table and put it in his drink, "you want ice?" He nodded, as she took the tongs from the ice bucket and took out a few cubes and then a few in her drink.
Sean wordlessly realized Emma was trying to forget and she had a tinge of regret, he then gladly changed the subject and said, "Thanks."
"Anytime."
"We should hang out sometime when I get settled in."
After a pause she realized this was actually happening she remarked in response, "Yeah, we should."
And then she realized what he truly meant and even that was okay, but somewhat forward but she didn't speak on it. She just smiled and he smiled back he asked her, "Cheers?"
"Of course." Emma answered before raising her glass, and he followed the gesture, "cheers -"
"To new beginnings?" Sean questioned. And then in unison, they both said it out loud.
"I should get back to my friend, but message me online." Sean told her rather seriously, "I mean it don't be a stranger."
"Why would I be?" She got that uncomfortable feeling of loneliness mixed with guilt as he said that as she bid him goodbye for that night anyway but her focus shifted when she realized she had made a real blunder out of the situation. She fully came to this party to forget about Jay but for some reason, she couldn't stop thinking about him and if Sean were to ever find out it'd ruin their newly minted friendship. When were Sean and her ever really friends in the first place? She thought but then everything felt right with them, the timing was right, they spent time apart but why was her mind wandering to the night before? She decided to leave the party on a whim, even if Manny decided to show she simply knew that Manny can hold her own and she'd leave if she didn't see her. Unbeknownst to Emma, Manny was running late and on her way after a brutal argument with her parents.
When Manny arrived she had pounded down a few makeshift long islands made by the guy she really didn't know well and she was pissed that Emma had bailed on her so she kept drinking. She was disappointed but she kept watching the party and felt out of place like Emma. The fight was about acting and the money she earned over the previous summer.
She ended up talking to none other than Peter for a bit and they ended up hooking up.
Peter was good at keeping up appearances. He wasn't this nice guy who drinks the occasional old fashioned brandy-like he was to Emma. He took a picture of her with his camera as she laid in bed like some type of sick trophy. In fact, Manny was too drunk to really notice his room was akin to a frat house of sorts with a shrine of photos of other girls and conquests, he pinned the picture of her butt naked as she slept beside him after they had done the deed.
Elsewhere Emma decided to go to the ravine where she saw Jay hanging out by a bonfire with a bottle of whiskey, "Look at you." He muttered laying on thick the anger from her rejection the night before, "here to gloat?"
"Look, Jay, I don't want any problems." She started to say, "can I say something?"
"Go ahead." Jay murmured as she knelt beside him and took a seat on the log. Party was in full swing but they were the only people by the fire.
"I'm sorry." Emma told him, "I feel some residual guilt for the shit I said the other night. Can we start over? What you did for me was really nice and I threw it back in your face because . . . I don't know why but you didn't deserve that and I'm just really sorry. You've been good to me and I haven't been entirely honest with you."
"Are you finished?" He asked as if he wasn't listening because he probably wasn't.
Emma recoiled, "I was
to apologize."
"It doesn't sound believable to me."
"Fuck you, Jay." Emma crossed her arms and walked away finally he got up and grabbed her arm, and she turned around, "get off me."
"Let's just go in the van, fuck last night, fuck all the talking. I don't want to talk to you but ah fuck it. What do you want Emma?"
"Nothing," Emma told him honestly staring him down. She wasn't afraid and she didn't back down. She wanted him too, but not in the romantic sense. She wanted a repeat of the other night except for no strings attached and no feelings even though it was far too late to pretend she didn't care even if she's in denial something kept bringing her there in that ravine in front of him.
"Follow me." He instructed her as she followed him blindly with complete trust as he walked to the van and stepped inside he pulled her in and slammed the door. He stood in front of her and her in front of him and then he pulled her close to him and they simply primally invaded one another with no words, no questions, no confessions, no nothing.
Inside there were millions of thoughts bubbling their brains but no words escaped their lips just primal sounds and breathing to follow but they both wanted things to be simple. How they longed for each other's company as they tore each other's clothing off but not because they didn't want to be alone. It was complicated but they tried to make it simple and maybe it once was but they can't go back from here. It was forbidden in such a way that made it all the more alluring. The sensation of wandering hands along her slender frame made her want him even more and there was no shame between them. She just wanted to live in that moment and worry about the consequences tomorrow or perhaps maybe even never. It wasn't delicate it wasn't romantic it was lustful, rough and primal like cats in heat they wanted more until it was over, he kissed her neck, she scratched his back they felt so free yet caged by their feelings that it all became too much there were no boundaries despite how emotionally closed off they were.
It lasted a while more than an hour of them feeding into temptation without thinking of how they felt for one another or could've felt and when they were finished she turned her back to him lying on her side on the smelly shag carpeting she despised, and then she got dressed again. She felt dirty like she did her first time in the van when she and Jay hooked up but this was a whole new level of skeeze. He put on his clothes too, he hesitated looking at her change and wanted to say something even if it was a joke but he didn't because there was nothing to say at the time and for once they were on that same wavelength. She just thought for a moment in the boiling van that smelled like beer, marijuana, and sex that it was less complicated this way and that they were better off that way. It couldn't be real, they weren't ready and maybe just maybe they'll never be at least not for one another and this too like her feelings will eventually fade away like the release of tension they experienced that night.
She thought back to what Sean had said earlier in the evening about strangers and don't be one, her exchange with Peter she didn't even know what she was anymore, who she was but all she felt was marred at that moment. She said her first words to Jay with much detachment in her voice, "You got that bottle?"
He passed her it wordlessly she didn't know why he was still sitting there and she took a swig, he warned he still somehow managed to show "It's like 100 proof."
"I don't care." Emma was determined as she swallowed hard and tried not to make a face while sitting up.