Chapter Five: Lessons were Learned
Hermione and Ron came to visit on Thursday, to meet , unexpectedly the professional cleaners, who were ripping out all the rotten things.
"Cor" said Ron as a room-full of mouldy wallpaper came off. "They're going for it."
"I suppose" said Hermione "That professionals will do quite well. How was um… your meeting with Daphne Greengrass yesterday."
Harry had to lead his friends upstairs, and the only quiet was in his room.
Harry sat on the end of his bed "We argued" said Harry honestly "About what was a reform priority."
Hermione's eyebrows shot upwards "You talked about… politics?"
"Well she's a rich Slytherin, she'd be all in favour of how things use to be" said Ron.
"Er" said Harry "Actually… there were a lot of things Daphne thinks need reforming. Getting rid of marriage contracts for one thing."
Ron nodded.
"Marriage contracts?" asked Hermione stridently.
"Only like, really old dark houses do that" said Ron "It's a last-century thing."
"Magically binding marriage contracts" said Harry "I agree. You know how I feel about binding magical contracts that people fall into."
Hermione nodded "That's… quite progressive" Hermione admitted.
"Some of her ideas are just… stupid" admitted Harry "Like making Defence against the dark arts optional. Because it's gross and scary."
Hermione blinked "It sounds like she's a bit… stupid" she said bluntly.
"Last year" Harry began "The Carrows made defence class over, as 'cast the torture curse on troublemakers and 'lesser bloods' class. Daphne objects to casting it. Says it leaves you feeling dirty on the inside." Harry paused. "I agree, I've done it twice now, and I don't ever want to do it again. I hate to think what it's like doing it every week for a year."
"Ginny never mentioned that!" said Ron angrily, heading for the door. Harry jabbed his wand at the door locking it. "Stop Ron" he said loudly.
Ron turned "My little sister has had the bloody torture curse cast on her by other students. I'm going to find out all the names, and fix this" said Ron angrily.
"How" said Harry loudly "It wasn't illegal. They changed the law. It was for educational purposes. And we used the bloody imperious curse. Which is worse."
"We did it for a good cause" said Hermione.
Harry stared into her hazel eyes "We thought so" said Harry "But that doesn't make it right."
"Are you suggesting" said Hermione "That we hand ourselves in to be imprisoned?"
"No" said Harry "I'm saying we Never tell anyone, we used a confundus. Remember that. And we accept that Hogwarts was bloody prison this year, with people forced to cast evil dark magic. I suspect Ginny had to cast it too. All our friends ended up hiding in the Room of Requirement, but I suspect they tried to cope before it got too much."
Hermione bit her lip. "Snape has a lot to answer for." she said.
"He made potions to treat it, ensured they got distributed. He tried to keep the students as safe as he could" said Harry.
"Harry… you're defending bloody Snape, he hated you" said Ron.
"Yes… but he saved us. Save me personally. Who left us the sword of Gryffindor?" said Harry.
"Are you going to be his biggest fan now?" asked Ron.
"No" said Harry "But… he did what he could. He literally died to save us, Ron. It was a painful death."
"I'm still not going to his funeral" said Ron. Harry blinked "His funeral?"
"There's a lot of funerals" said Ron "Dad's got the master list. I expect you're expected at most of them. Being… the chosen one, the slayer of Voldemort."
"Fuck that" snapped Harry. "Looks what happened to Dumbledore."
"Harry, that book sensationalised things" said Hermione.
"Not much" said Harry. "But, I am going to ever bloody funeral. And you two are as well. We're the three most wanted."
"I wasn't on the list for ages" said Ron proudly.
"Because your girlfriend's good at plans" said Harry. "The ghoul kept them off the scent for ages."
"Are you… going to take Greengrass?" asked Hermione.
"Oh sure. I'll take a Slytherin to a bunch of … actually… yes I bloody will. And go to the funerals of Slytherins and… death eaters." said Harry slowly and thoughtfully.
"Who are you and what have you done with Harry Potter?" asked Hermione jokingly.
"Unity" said Harry. "And thanks to Daphne hardly any students from Slytherin died. Only the ones that were on Death-Eater holiday camp. Like Malfoy, though he didn't die"
"Mores' the pity" said Ron.
"Oh come on" said Harry "Daphne told me they left Draco with broken legs overnight. Not life threatening. Bellatrix used a bone-breaker to knock over the Death eaters who tried to run. That must have hurt like hell."
"Surely he'll go to prison?" asked Hermione.
"I think if someone vouched for him, he might get off with a fine. His father… he's a dead certainty for Azkaban. There's a plan to hit Malfoy up for donations to rebuild Hogwarts before September. His mother? I dunno. She's a cow, but my adopted aunt."
"A year in Prison" suggested Hermione "Some quality time with her husband."
"Remind me" said Ron "To never piss you off. Again."
"Oh" said Harry, realising he had news. "There's some other news."
"News? Asked Hermione.
"Order of Merlin in the works" admitted Harry "And… Sirius has put his foot down… I have to be married to Greengrass before the first anniversary of the battle."
"Married?" asked Ron "Isn't engaged bad enough?"
Hermione wandered over to the desk, where Sirius's skin magazine was lying, open, flung there from the bed.
"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed "Dirty magazines?"
"Sirius left it here" said Harry.
Hermione picked it up like a dirty sock and closed it. "I'll incinerate it" she said, taking it to the fireplace.
"Oy!" said Harry "I don't go incinerating your books"
"Mine don't feature naked women sucking on … willies" said Hermione.
"Cor" exclaimed Ron, lurhcing towards Hermione.
Hermione flung the magazine in the fireplace and incinerated it wordlessly.
"Well, good incendio anyway" said Harry. "How I'm supposed to learn about sex now, I don't know."
"Learn about sex?" asked Hermione.
"Well, I have an obligation to provide an heir for the Greengrasses, and ahem… I can't just.. get into bed one day and say "Oh Daphne, we need to make a baby. I hope you did the reading."
"Dirty magazine are not a reference. They depict unrealistic acts, and encourage unrealistic standards for women's bodies" said Hermione.
"Daphne's better looking than the women in the magazine you just incinerated, but I agree. The stuff in there was pretty weird. Though sex is quite odd really" said Harry "A bit ridiculous in places."
"Harry" said Ron, putting a hand on Harry's shoulder "Have you been shagging my sister?"
"Er… no" said Harry. "And you were implying Hermione's been gargling your bits"
"Ron!" said Hermione angrily.
"Sorry" said Ron. "It slipped out."
"You" said Hermione glaring at Ron "are going to be all alone for a week."
"Hermione!" said Harry "Don't cut him off, just... no blowjobs. Hmh next year… you're going back, you'll be head girl."
"Harry James Potter" said Hermione, her hair visibly lifting "You wash your mouth out."
Harry felt quite proud of that quip.
"Are you going back?" asked Ron to Harry, backing away from Harry and Hermione.
"To get NEWTs" said Harry "Or everyone will always say I only got a job because of my fame. I want to spend one almost normal year at Hogwarts. Apart from getting married. The married quarters. As mentioned in Hogwarts, A history, but never mentioned by Hermione Granger."
"It wasn't relevant" said Hermione. "You can just sleep in dorms"
"I'd rather be in bed with my wife" said Harry. "I believe it's habit-forming."
"But it's just a business deal" said Ron.
"And stuff" said Harry "Hey Hermione, thanks for telling me that every bloody girl in sixth year fancied me."
Hermione went red in the face "It would have made you as big an egotist as Malfoy" she said "It was for your own good."
"I could have done with some positives" said Harry. "But you protected me, so I guess I can tell Ron that I did definitely snog your sister in sixth year, and I did get my hand up her shirt."
"Harry!" said Ron "My little sister!"
"Oh come on" sad Harry "She's a grown-up."
"Who you dropped awfully quickly" said Ron bitterly.
"We broke up at the end of sixth year Ron" said Harry.
"But you stared at the map all year" said Hermione.
"Which was, in hindsight, stupid. If I'd learnt some healing charms, what a good use of my time that would have been" said Harry. "But I just obsessively stared at the map. Like sixth year, but Ginny instead of Malfoy."
"Have you gone gay?" asked Ron quietly.
"No Ron, I have not gone gay." said Harry "I'm just engaged. That's all."
Hermione sat on the bed near the head and sniffed "Harry!" she said "Your bed smells of sex" she snapped, standing up.
"Er, should have changed the sheets" Harry said thoughtfully.
"But… I saw Ginny yesterday" said Ron "She was working in the orchard."
Harry nodded.
"Harry, I know Sirius is a bad influence, but… you can't get Daphne Greengrass offside. She could put us in Azkaban. She might object to fangirls or prostitutes" said Hermione.
"I suspect she would" said Harry. "Let's not discuss it again."
Hermione leaned down and picked up a hair off Harry's pillow. A foot-long blonde hair. "Harry" she said quietly "Whose hair is that?"
"Hermione, I don't ask what you and Ron get up to, and please never tell me, it's kind of gross to think about. Please do me the courtesy of some privacy. Even though the cleaners came on the day you visited and this is the only vaguely quiet room in the house.
"Are they going to do this floor" asked Ron "Only this rooms ceiling is crap, and the curtains are mildewey, and I have my doubts about the bed."
"It's the second best bed I've ever had after Hogwarts" said Harry "I think this floor is last."
They all sat quietly, Hermione glaring at the hair in her hand.
"Bollocks" said Harry suddenly realising something, "We've got a mission. Us three, right now" he said certainly.
"What?" asked Hermione.
"We need to go into Regulus's room and make sure the cleaners don't find anything they shouldn't. Like his death eater regalia." said Harry.
"Bollocks" said Ron "That would be hard to explain."
Hermione had dropped the hair and was half-way across the room "Detect hidden things, detect curses, and lots of dispelling" she said.
"And it's well hidden" said Harry, getting up from the bed "Bill missed it, I think, if he checked the house."
Ron found the hidden cupboards in the room. The one behind the wardrobe had death-eater regalia.
"Shit" said Harry "Did Bill even check this place properly?"
"Or any of the Order" asked Hermione.
"I guess we were all busy" admitted Ron "I mean, we were underage."
Harry tried vanishing the robes. It proved a long, difficult task, and by the time he was done, his wand hand was shaking.
"Crikey" said Ron, poking the bone-white mask with his wand "Wonder how this will go?" and he began vanishing it.
Harry, who had sat down on Regulus's bed, tried vanishing the newspaper clippings off the headboard. The sticking charm wasn't permanent, and Harry banished them into the fireplace and burnt them with a long fiery incendio. Then opened the bedside cabinet drawer, to find a book.
It was not a dairy, so he opened it, to find it poems. He frowned and tried to read one… to blink at the words. Dirty poems. Really dirty poems. Regulus had been an intellectual apparently.
Harry put the book on top of the cabinet. "Well. Not dirty pictures" he said.
Hermione picked it up and opened it to the page it fell open on and read, her face going red.
"Pornographic poems" said Harry, and Hermione snapped the book shut, and thrust it back into the bedside cabinet.
"So can I keep that in my bedside cabinet?" asked Harry.
"You're… awful" said Hermione, blushing.
Harry picked it up and banished it into his beside drawer.
"Harry!" said Hermione.
"It can get awfully lonely" said Harry.
"You – " began Hermione.
"None of your business, even as my friend" said Harry. "If my partner chose to tell you, that's different."
Hermione crossed her arms over her chest and frowned "That's a remarkably mature thing to say." she conceded.
The trio searched the room for another hour, finding some ancient firewhiskey hidden in another cupboard, a box of what looked like love-letters, which Harry pointedly put back in the box and said "Those are my adoptive uncles'… we won't read them" and a half-charred bundle of letters and pictures, featuring young Sirius and Regulus, and letters to Regulus from Sirius at school.
"Those belong to Sirius" said Harry "I'll put both in the library. Sirius can deal with them later."
"It's weird that you just… got him back" said Ron.
"It's brilliant" admitted Harry "Imagine having to be the adult, handle everything. It's bad enough with funerals and being engaged."
"Did you ever work out what was in the snitch?" asked Ron.
Harry chuckled "The Resurrection stone. Which works, by the way. I had a chat with Colin."
"The Deathly Hallows are real?" asked Hermione.
"Well I have all three, so I'd say so" admitted Harry.
"Cor, are you like, master of death now?" asked Ron.
"No" said Harry "I'm just Harry Potter, quidditch seeker, and something about some dark lord. And No, Hermione , we're not using cursed ancient magical objects for research. The story says it drives you to suicide. We'll take that as a warning. Suicide bad."
"But… your parents" said Ron.
"I never met them, that I remember Ron. I just have the pictures, and what I saw in the mirror of Erised, which is also, I will note, cursed." said Harry.
"You're' being very mature" said Hermione.
"Harry Potter, the man-who-won," said Harry blandly. "We all nearly died, and the backup plan was… me dying." I've been right to the edge Hermione. And… there are blonde hairs on my pillowcase."
Hermione flushed "You were being so mature, then you… made aspersions" she said.
Harry shrugged "I'm only seventeen. I can't keep it up for that long."
Ron went red in the face and burst out laughing, and Hermione blushed "Harry!" she exclaimed. "Don't say that!"
"Oh come on, you two are my best friends in the world" said Harry "We just got rid of some really dark artefacts. We can joke about things."
"If Daphne Greengrass finds out you're sleeping around, she can put you in prison," said Hermione tightly.
"So I won't sleep around" said Harry, nodding. "Daphne Greengrass. Blonde, quite… fond of me it turns out."
Hermione went red in the face, and Ron gasped. "But she's a slimy Slytherin!" said Ron.
"Oh Ron… that's just sweat" said Harry with a smirk, and Hermione hit him. "Don't you dare!" she said loudly.
Harry smiled slightly.
Kreacher appeared with a pop, covered in plaster dust.
"Master," croaked the elderly elf, "Master's witch is here."
"Well, that's a surprise" said Harry cheerily, "Kreacher, tell Daphne I'm on the top floor." The old elf vanished with a pop.
Moments later there was a crack of apparation on the landing.
"Harry?" called Daphne Greengrass.
"I'm in here with Hermione and Ron" said Harry loudly. "We've been cleaning up Uncle Regulus's things"
Daphne walked in slowly, wearing a neatly fitted tartan robe, and a slight frown.
"Granger, Weasley" she said. "What is going on?"
"Sirius's cleaners are vanishing things, and we decided to clean out certain things. The Blacks tended to accumulate dark artefacts." said Harry. "Oh, and Hermione incinerated my pornographic magazine. She doesn't approve."
"I hadn't even seen all of it," said Daphne, with a slight wink to Harry. "Honestly Granger, I'd think you'd be more respectful of books. Magazine are practically books. Harry snorted, and Hermione stared at Daphne Greengrass intently.
"Are you twitting me?" Hermione asked.
"Suggesting you keep your hands off his possessions." said Daphne politely.
"Oh I had an idea, dear" said Harry "That we go to all the post-war funerals together, both sides. A gesture of unity"
"Don't dear me, Potter" said Daphne, with her eyelids flicking nearly shut "That's an interesting idea. Have you got funeral robes?"
"Er? I hardly have any clothes." admitted Harry. "Been on the run"
"Twilfitt for something really appropriate. Do I wear a matching outfit? I Don't have funeral robes." asked Daphne.
Ron looked aghast "Funeral Robes?" he asked "That's a bit posh."
"He's the heir of the Black family, and the only living Potter." said Daphne "And something about defeating you-know-who in a duel. He's kind of important."
"That's a really good point," said Hermione excitedly "You might wear really plain robes, look really pious"
"He'd look poor, and underdressed. There's a whole range of funeral robes for making all kinds of statements." said Daphne.
"Oh" said Hermione.
"Have you got money yet?" asked Daphne.
"Not… yet" admitted Harry.
"I can't afford the kind of robes we'll need." said Daphne. "We'll need Sirius Black."
"Kreacher!" Harry called and Kreacher appeared with a pop.
"We need to speak to Sirius. Where is he?" Harry asked.
"Bad dogmaster is in the Office." said Kreacher.
"First floor" said Harry. "Apparate?" Harry asked.
"It's crowded down there, risks splinching" said Hermione.
"We're bloody walking," said Ron loudly vetoing getting splinched, oddly enough.
They walked down in single file, squeezing past cleaners cursing wallpaper off walls, plaster away and generally making a lot of mess.
Sirius was sitting in the office, behind a desk looking at paperwork. He looked remarkably grown-up.
"Harry, oh and Daphne and Little Hermione and Ron. What's up?"
Harry explained his idea about funerals.
"Hmm" said Sirius "Bloody irritating. Kreacher can go with you, and I'll pop over and pay."
"Would you go too?" asked Hermione.
"I hate funerals." said Sirius.
"Well, a lot are for people you don't like" admitted Harry.
"Tempting to spit on their graves" offered Sirius. Daphne looked scandalised.
"I'm not trying to position myself for a career in politics" Sirius explained.
"But you could do a lot of good" said Hermione and Daphne nodded.
"Guilting me in to being responsible," said Sirius "She's a bad influence" Sirius pointed to Harry, "Can' you just come to dinner with lipstick on your face like most engaged teenagers?"
Harry sighed.
"Fine" said Sirius "But I draw the line at a cane."
"One With a Silver grim on it, with glowing eyes?" asked Harry.
"Why did I adopt you?" asked Sirius jokingly. Harry shrugged. "guilt?"
"Twillfitt and Tattings. Funeral robes all round… in fact… Miss Granger, fancy some really nobby funeral robes? You'll disgust a lot of people just being seen in them." said Sirius.
The end of Daphne's lip twitched upwards momentarily.
Twilfitt and Tattings had no stock on display and one darkly dressed attendant, a witch with dark rimmed glasses.
The attendant at Twilfitt and Tattings was dismissive of the teens until Sirius came in.
"Right" said Sirius "Funeral Robes all round. We want to say, funeral, and we're rich, and mine and Harry's will have Black family crests. His is a Heirs. Daphne's will have a Heir's Greengrass crest, and a Black Crest on the opposite shoulder and Ronalds' a Weasley. Miss Granger is armagenerous, so no crest. But… all of them the sort of thing my grandfather wore to funerals…. No the sort of thing my great-grandfather wore to funerals. Not his own, obviously."
The assistant flicked an abacus and a robe-hanger slid out of a wall panel, covered in dark robes.
Sirius walked along the space-expanded robe-hanger , looking at robes, finally pulling out a dark black robe covered in black embroidery and black beading.
"This sort of thing" he said, heaving it onto an unobtrusive wall hook. "For the men, for the women… well, Daphne's engaged to Harry, so, we need something with a bit of presence.
The robe hanger disappeared to be replaced seconds later by a different one from the same space, covered in more … feminine robes. Sirius pulled out a robe with a huge collar and pointed shoulders like McGongall might wear to a party "Now this sort of thing, but … in a more funerary style."
"Potter crests on My robe and Daphne's " aded Harry. "And… maybe a bit more on mine."
"Peverells too?" asked Hermione.
"Hmm, yes" said Harry. "A big old Peverell crest on the back of mine."
"I take it you're a Peverell" said the attendant.
"The last living one on any line" said Hermione "I'm pretty sure. He's a Peverell on the female line in twelve eighty."
"Well… a crest would normally be smaller than that" said the attendant.
"You're a Peverell?" asked Daphne, head tilted.
"Sounds more impressive than Potter, but we were founded by a Potter and a Peverell" said Harry.
Daphne said "Pillock" quite quietly.
"What… is the Peverell crest?" asked the attendant.
"Hermione, parchment and quill?" asked Harry.
Hermione rolled her eyes and got them out of her tiny beaded bag.
Harry drew a triangle, with circle inside it, bisected by a line, and wrote "Peverell" on the bottom.
"Your handwriting is terrible" observed Daphne.
The attendant frowned "How big?" she asked Harry. Harry said "Big."
"Harry, don't be crass. The usual three inch crest." said Daphne blandly. "It would make a nice collar closure"
Harry glanced over at the make funeral robe, with a high collar. "Oh I hate high collars" he said.
"You've never worn one" said Sirius "And these will all be acromantula silk. They look stiff but aren't. Secrets of the pureblood pretence."
"Mr Black is correct." said the attendant, walking over and demonstrating that the collar bent with the slightest force and sprang back.
"The essential thing is have a perfect fit so the collar sits erect" said the attendant. Ron snorted.
The attendant took out a black robe with black embroidery and hung it beside the pointy-shoulder robe.
"This is one of our more traditional funerary robes" she said.
"And it will do admirably for Miss Granger, but the collar and shoulders for Daphne." said Sirius.
"She'll look very prickly" said the attendant.
"She's not really" said Harry sotto voce to Daphne, and was discretely elbowed.
"And for Mr Weasley?" asked the attendant.
"Oh, same as ours" said Sirius "He's a valued member of the team."
"Mum's going to freak" said Ron.
"Now, measure all of us, and allow for a bit more meat on Harry" said Sirius "And me I suppose. If the damn potions work."
Measurements took hours, and Sirius simply signed a parchment instead of paying. "Well" said Sirius "We can go home and see what mess the cleaners made. Miss Greengrass, are you staying for dinner?"
They left the shop, and Daphne gave Sirius a cold look. "I have not arranged to stay for dinner." she said.
"Probably for the best. It's probably going to be takeaway Indian" admitted Sirius. "And we're both on growth potions, so we eat like starved dogs."
Daphne grimaced momentarily.
"Come on, all back to my house" said Sirius, and apparated away.
Harry, Ron Hermione and Daphne got in the front door and followed Sirius to the dining room , where the endless china hutches were gone, and the wall was being spelled white.
"We'll use the damn china pantry" said Sirius "Mother didn't like the paintings on the wall, apparently, and put the damn hutches up when she married father."
"How dreadful" said Daphne "Paintings of dining relatives are such a tradition."
"I know," said Sirius, "The Potters had dozens. Woken up, it was always a rowdy old dining hall… shame it burnt down."
"You knew dad's house well?" asked Harry.
"Lived there" said Sirius, sinking into the chair at the head of the table casually, "Left home, mother said she'd disinherit me, and never went back. James asked him mum, and I moved in. Your grandmother was a remarkably kind woman for all that."
"All what?" asked Harry, sitting, as did everyone else.
"Well… she was a tall, severe indian" said Sirius, shrugging "With a Boston accent, or southern, depending if we were in company or not. Your Grandfather, well, he adored your grandma. He didn't approve of me. And I was justifiably terrified of Monty Potter. Pro duellist. Before he left Hogwarts."
"Sirius" said Harry "When you say Indian, what do you mean?"
"From America, she was from somewhere in the south. Her family had been around forever, of course, and then she married a pale-face, and an Englishman. You and James both tan really easily, but your grandmother. She avoided the sun like a vampire. Tried to look pale, and European."
"I'm part American?" asked Harry. Sirius shrugged. "You're James's son. Though you do act like Lily sometimes."
"Excuse me Sirius, am I to take it that Harry's grandmother, whom I cannot find anything about except that her surname is Roundtree, is from a very old family?" asked Daphne.
"Makes the Blacks look like muggleborns" said Sirius "And Roundtree is the name they use in English. In their language… I can't even imitate it. And her middle name, it comes in the records as X, but in her family, it's a private name."
"One sympathises," said Daphne.
"What is your middle name?" asked Harry.
"Not in public" said Daphne. "I will have to hear it when we wed, but not before."
"Oh boy," said Ron, "Mine's worse"
Daphne's glare shot around to Ron, who nodded "Bilius" he explained.
"Mine is worse" said Daphne. "I'll have to tell mummy about Harry's grandmother."
"I'm sure the American version of Natures Nobility, whatever it's called has them in it" said Sirius casually.
"Do I um, have relatives in America?" asked Harry.
"Monty said Effie… your grandmother knew of Potters because one helped found the Auror office of MACUSA. There's apparently a huge sculpture, and Potter's a big bloke. Monty… wasn't.
"Nobbly knees, sticky out ears, round face, glasses, and untamable Potter hair?" explained Harry. "I think I saw him in the Mirror of Erised once."
"That's Monty," said Sirius "I miss the old bugger. Used to threaten to horsewhip me about once a week. Unlike my parents, he was just letting off steam."
"Sirius?" asked Hermione "So you … were staying for years with the Potters, and annoyed Harry's grandfather."
"Well, I was a rowdy teenager, and James and I didn't exactly moderate one another." admitted Sirius "That was Remus's job, and over summer… things could get a bit messy. Though I did at least wipe off all the lipstick before arriving to dinner."
"Whose lipstick?" asked Harry.
"Marls," said Sirius, "She died in the first war. Her whole family."
Sirius looked thoughtful. "It's been a long time" he said and sighed, checking the time. "Well, time for you two to got back to Molly's house, and Daphne to go home."
"What's for dinner" asked Harry.
"Indian?" asked Sirius "I was thinking chicken tikka masala"
"Can't we get some thai noodles?" asked Harry.
"You two are just getting takeaway for dinner?" asked Hermione. Harry shrugged.
"Doesn't the elf cook?" asked Daphne.
"He can't be trusted" explained Sirius "He's gone a bit mad."
"Oh for Hecates sake," said Daphne, and she called out "Kreacher!"
The old house elf appeared with a pop "Mistress?" he croaked.
"Cook those two proper meals. No poison, no dead insects. Respectable meals." said Daphne.
Kreacher grumbled under his breath.
"Kreacher?" said Daphne politely "I didn't hear you say, Yes, mistress, I'll ensure they get proper meals from now on"
"But I Like takeaway" complained Harry.
"Proper meals" said Daphne. "Honestly, you call yourself a house-elf."
Kreacher made a face "Don't want to" he croaked.
"And there you have it!" said Daphne triumphantly "Proof that house-elves can be complete nuisances. My Great aunt has one like this."
"So he's not cooking for them?" asked Ron.
"Nope" said Daphne simply "He just doesn't want to."
"If they Order him to though?" asked Hermione.
"He'll sabotage it. House elves are like most magical creatures, quite tricky." said Daphne.
"And that's why we get takeout" said Sirius, waving his hands dismissively.
"Get someone in to cook" said Daphne. "A human, they're not going to have any trouble with a bad-tempered house elf."
"What was the point of this?" asked Hermione.
"Proving that House-elves are not slaves, Granger" said Daphne "your brochures were dissected at length in Slytherin. House-elves can get very strange. They're not naturally like this, but, nobody will say what they're made from."
"Made from?" asked Hermione, eyes large.
"Oh they're made, they sort-of breed but… they're not naturally occurring" said Daphne. "I think the most popular theory is that they're spirits of place or brownies, but bound to physical forms."
"Modified… brownies?" asked Hermione.
"Brownies in homunculuses?" said Daphne uncertainly. "They can make more, but it's not… breeding in the normal sense."
Hermione's mouth fell open. "So… Dobby… was a weirdo?"
"Dobby was my friend, Hermione, and he died to save us from Malfoy Manor." said Harry sharply.
"Poor little bugger," said Ron.
"Dobby is dead?" asked Kreacher in a croak "The insane one is dead?"
"Dobby was killed by a dagger thrown by Bellatrix LeStrange" said Harry "Which would have killed one of us. Probably me."
"Pity" croaked Kreacher.
"House-elves, such loyal, obedient slaves" said Daphne sarcastically.
"Hey Kreacher, don't forget that we did destroy the locket Regulus gave you" said Harry "Pity really, we could have skipped that and had it back undamaged," with that, he unbuttoned his shirt and rummaged in his mokeskin pouch, taking out the broken locket "Here Kreacher, the Locket, destroyed." said Harry.
Kreacher took the locket from Harry's hands and held it, crying "Filthy half-blood gave back masters cursed locket, And it's dead. Masters order is complete." Kreacher folded up and sat crying.
"That's odd" said Sirius. "What's that all about?"
"Not with my dear fiancee here," said Harry, "A dark secret."
Daphne leaned over and whispered in Harry's ear. Harry winced.
"On second thought," said Harry, "It was a thing stolen by Voldemort, and enchanted to help keep him alive. We had to destroy it. Regulus took it from it's hiding place, and died getting it out, and Kreacher was given it to destroy. It's not his fault he couldn't. They're only affected by four things, and one's nearly impossible, which leaves fiendfyre, basilisk venom and a killing curse. And the locket was originally Salazar Slytherins', so when it's closed it's nearly indestructible. And you need to be a parselmouth to open it. So… poor old Kreacher never stood a chance."
"Harry, what did Daphne say to you?" asked Hermione.
"That's a very personal question, Hermione. Let's say she does, after all have a lot to control me with." said Harry, and Daphne smiled briefly.
Sirius coughed something that might have been "got him by the balls."
Kreacher stopped crying, stood up and vanished with a pop.
"So, Indian?" asked Sirius.
Ron and Hermione went downstairs to take the Floo and Daphne pulled Harry into the china pantry,
and cast a privacy spell.
"We need to work on our fake back-story" she said "When did we first meet?"
"Train to Hogwarts?" asked Harry "There was a bit before Ron came into my compartment."
"Fine" said Daphne, taking out a notebook, and making notes.
"How much back-story are we going to have?" asked Harry. "The next real opportunity… the week before third year, I ran away from home and stayed at the Leaky. I roamed Diagon Alley."
"A summer romance" said Daphne.
"A Romance?" asked Harry, crossing his arms.
"If you want snogging this week, it was a summer romance" said Daphne.
"Fine" said Harry, looking at the wall "There's a bit of fourth year, before Hermione stopped ignoring me, after the Goblet of fire, Ron stayed off me till after the dragon"
"We had a few late night talks then" said Daphne. "And fifth year?"
"I was never alone" admitted Harry "Except for detentions with Umbridge" Harry held out his hand , tilted it till the scars were visible. 'I will not tell lies.'
"She left her mark on you" said Daphne "If I ever see her, I will hex her."
"You care?" asked Harry, confused.
"I'm building a back-story here" said Daphne. "And I don't like people getting hurt."
"It's not that you've fancied me for ever," asked Harry, with a crooked smile.
"Don't get a swelled head" said Daphne quickly.
"Oh you give me a swelled head all right" said Harry quietly.
"No," said Daphne urgently, "Your godfather is in the next room."
"Why'd you come over anyway?" asked Harry.
"To work on the back story," said Daphne "Which is why I have my notebook"
"And the dress?" asked Harry.
"If you were Very good, I'd show you what's under it" said Daphne, with a smug smile.
"What is under it?" asked Harry.
"You haven't been very good" said Daphne. "And your godfather. We need a believable back-story"
"Right" said Harry "So… a few moments stolen from detentions." he suggested.
"Sounds quite romantic, comforting the injured hero" said Daphne, with a slight smile.
"Sixth year I dated Ginny" said Harry bluntly.
"We broke up by the end of fifth year" said Daphne "You wanted to do brave things and I did not."
"Oh" said Harry "It was quite the romance till then." he said, sounding disappointed.
"And in sixth year you dated Weasley"
"The back half of the year only" said Harry "She dated..."
"Thomas and Corner" said Daphne. "Now… seventh year?"
"I never saw you, clearly." said Harry.
"And I listened to Potterwatch and realised you really were the chosen one." said Daphne simply. "When I saw you, injured and starved as I treated you , I realised I'd been wrong, and apologised."
"And I realised you were the woman for me" said Harry. Daphne nodded politely. "I did warn you about Weasley's infection. She should be cured… but she may have got re-infected."
"Ew" said Harry, grimacing. "Close call there."
"Now" said Daphne, writing things down in her notebook "We need to be careful about your … friends. You never mentioned me to them." said Daphne.
"Never" replied Harry "And Hermione, Ron and Sirius know about the deal."
"So we slowly let slip pieces of our back-story to them" said Daphne "And everyone else gets the same story, but with no secret deal, and a romantic nurse meets hero rapprochement."
"Rapprochement?" asked Harry.
"We get back together" said Daphne, frowning.
"Make sure nobody sees the notes, and I'll try to get it right" said Harry.
"Ah, that's the brilliant bit about my plan" said Daphne, copying out the back-story, then casting a spell on it that made the words fade off the page. She took her wand and said "Now, you need to put a drop of blood on the page."
"You're blood locking the words?" asked Harry "Clever."
"You Know about blood locks?" asked Daphne "You've got hidden depths"
"Voldemort used them on secret doors" admitted Harry.
"Ew" said Daphne "Gross." Harry offered his thumb and Daphne tapped it with her wand, a drop of blood welling up "Squish it on" said Daphne ,and Harry left a bloody thumbprint on the page, which Daphne hit with another spell, erasing the thumbprint. Harry cast a healing spell clumsily on his thumb.
"You've learnt it, good." said Daphne. "Now… touch the paper where your thumbprint was"
Harry did, and the words re-appeared.
"Carrying around a blank notebook page is going to be a bit obvious" said Harry.
"Ah" said Daphne "Watch this!" she said, and picked up her quill and wrote a list on the page.
'Pick a date,
Robes for Harry to coordinate with mine,
Decide on bridesmaids robes,
Flowers,
Table decorations,
Grooms robes.
Groomsmens list,
(Daphne's bridesmaids list),
Music.
Decide venue.
Harry's house?
Daphne's parents house?
Somewhere else?
Vows.
Guest list. Not Pansy.
Honeymoon destination?
'
"See it's the wedding planing list" said Daphne. "You've got a million reasons to look at it often."
"That" said Harry, scratching the hair on the back of his head "Is genius."
Daphne repeated the exercise on the second copy, blood-locking it to herself, and writing out the planning list.
"We should" said Harry "Pick a term holiday. Makes it easier."
"Yule is too early." said Daphne. "And it's cold."
"Um" said Harry "Sirius has an island in the Caribbean?"
"An island in the Caribbean?" asked Daphne incredulously "I knew the Blacks were rich..."
"It" said Harry awkwardly "doesn't have anything except a hut."
Daphne cancelled the privacy spells and took the list in hand, to Sirius who was sitting, feet on the table whistling.
"Ah you're back" said Sirius "And not snogged. How restrained."
"Sirius?" asked Harry "Could we use the Caribbean island for our honeymoon?"
Sirius shook his head "It rains a lot in December. It's ghastly weather."
"Yule is out then" said Daphne "How about spring?"
"May is nice and the storms don't start till June" said Sirius.
"Easter" said Daphne. "We could have some old-fashioned bits as a sop to the really traditional."
Sirius sat up abruptly "Old-fashioned?" he said "People will think you're already up the duff."
"Huh?" asked Harry.
"Easter's originally a fertility festival" said Sirius "So either you two are already expecting, or want a huge family." Harry started to blush.
"We'll negotiate that later" said Daphne firmly. "For all I know, I'll hate being pregnant."
Harry nodded hastily "You're the one doing that." he added nervously "It's your decision."
Daphne stared at Sirius "He's actually quite a decent boyfriend. But, I knew that from summer before fourth year."
Harry nodded.
"You what?" asked Sirius, eyes narrowed "You… oh, are you up to something?"
"We actually met… before that" said Harry awkwardly "But um… I did spend a week in Diagon Alley before the start of fourth year, and um… met Daphne and stuff."
"And Stuff?" asked Sirius.
"He was a quite good kisser" said Daphne, with a tiny smile. Harry went red in the face.
"Oh my" said Sirius blandly "You two have known each other for a while?"
"Broke up end of fifth year" admitted Harry, looking at the floor.
"SO… you knew to be in the room, the whole blackmail thing..." asked Sirius, brows furrowed.
"Is sort of true" lied Daphne. "This time, I accept he does heroic things, but I'm still going to talk him out of being an Auror."
"Talk him out of it" said Sirius nodding "You two go and … Daphne can work on talking you out of things. While Harry talks her out of her clothes, no doubt."
Harry shook his head "Um no. Best she go home." he muttered.
"What?" asked Sirius "What the hell have you done?"
"I haven't changed the sheets yet" said Harry in a strangled tone.
"You slob!" said Daphne sharply. "I'm going home to wash my hair", and she strode off.
Sirius waited till the downstairs stairwell door banged before saying "Harry… two things. Always use precautions, and always change the bloody sheets immediately afterwards."
"I get it," said Harry.
"You don't get it," said Sirius "You two… before?"
"I had a room at the Leaky Cauldron, Sirius. You do the math," said Harry.
"And to think I thought you were just a moody little git." said Sirius fondly "You had a titanic case of blue balls. Wow. I'll have to think of something good for a wedding present."
"A house?" asked Harry, with a small grin.
"We've got a bunch that old relatives used to have." said Sirius thoughtfully. "Where is the question."
"Somewhere nice?" asked Harry. "Out of the way but nice."
"Hmm" said Sirius "Grandmama's summer château. It's in the Dordogyne." Harry looked at Sirius blankly. "In France, you ignorant hick" said Sirius.
"If it's nice," said Harry. "Is it all black and ravens and stuff?"
"Grandmama was a MacMillan, all I remember was it was very French and stank of Lavender." said Sirius.