December 18, 1998
Officially, Harry was four months pregnant today. Tomorrow at 11 am, students going home would leave until January 1st, 1999. Classes would resume January 4th. Not that it mattered to Harry right now, his brain had been working overtime to figure out how the hell Snape was the father of his baby. Harry had known for three days now, but obviously told no one. He couldn't, not yet. Nothing made sense and if Harry came out with this information, there could be a lot of trouble.
While Harry and Severus were both of age, Snape was headmaster where Harry was still a student. Relations between them were forbidden. Regrettably, the answer was obvious as to how this happened. Harry knew it once the shock wore off and he just couldn't believe it. While Harry was under disguise with his Metamorphagus abilities as Scott, Severus may have been there under a disguise as well. A glamour and named that alias as Howard.
What did Harry do here? Like anyone did, Snape had the right to know that Harry's baby was also his. But it could still raise a lot of questions about them sleeping together. Even if they didn't know who the other was. He had to tell someone, get perspective. Maybe he could talk to Hermione. Not Draco, unfortunately, the man was too close to Snape and Harry knew it was because Severus was Draco's godfather.
So lost in his thoughts, he didn't even hear Draco come out of the bathroom. It was morning, breakfast in an hour and then another day of classes. "Harry?" Draco asked.
"Huh? Hi, Draco. Morning." Harry greeted softly.
"Well, you don't sound too happy this morning." Draco pointed out with a smile. "Feel alright?"
"Just thinking." Harry replied.
"Deciding if you're keeping the baby or not?" Draco wondered. "Or about the results of the paternity ritual?"
"Little bit of both, I guess." Harry answered.
"Any closer to a decision?" The blonde asked as he came over and leaned against the back post of Harry's bed canopy.
"I'm half and half on it. Keep the baby because I know I've got the space and finances to do it. Also because I know what it's like to be given to someone else and not be treated like one of the family. Sure, plenty of people adopt claiming they want kids. But just as many take these kids and have their own, then treat the adopted child differently. I don't want my kid growing up with people who won't love them as their own." Harry explained.
"Right, makes sense. But your hesitations to keeping the child?" Draco asked.
"I'm still a teenager. In school, no career figured out afterwards and most require training. Do all that with a baby and no help?" Harry sighed.
"I'm sure that your friends would help, Harry. Babysitting and whatnot. Hell, my mother probably would. And no, she doesn't know you're pregnant. But she loves kids. She always wanted more, but complications I guess." Draco shrugged. "You should see her with Teddy."
"I didn't know they saw one another frequently." Harry admitted.
"Mother and Aunt Andromeda have been reconnecting since the war ended. It's…Tradition in pure-blood families that you shun those who are disowned. Kind of like magic that creates a barrier to prevent any contact. It's weird, but…Andromeda said she was reinstated." Draco explained.
"Yes, I'm well aware, Draco. I'm the one who reinstated her." Harry informed.
Draco blinked a few times. "How?"
"I told you I inherited everything from my parents and godfather, didn't I?" Harry looked at his friend.
"Well, yes. But a disowning or reinstatement can only be done by the lord of the family. There hasn't been a Lord Black since…Orion. He was mother's uncle." Draco mentioned. "Mother has been trying to get me named the new lord since I'm a male heir to the Black family on mother's side."
"Sirius, as Orion's eldest, automatically became Lord Black after his escape from prison in our third year. The laws are that you cannot be lord if you are disowned. But Sirius went to the bank a little after his escape and inquired of his family's estate. Orion reinstated Sirius as an heir before he died and after Regulus was killed." Harry stated.
"So when Sirius went to the bank and learned this, he became the new Lord Black. But having no kids of his own…There was no telling who would take up the mantle in the event of his death. Sirius named me his heir, so I became the new Lord Black in 1996 when he died." The teenager informed.
"But you weren't any blood relation to Sirius…You can't legally name someone heir unless they're family." Draco remarked, confusion evident in his tone.
"But I am family to him, Draco." Harry retorted. "There was a marriage between a Potter and a Black a few generations back. Charlus Potter and Dorea Black. They did have one son of their own, but he died sometime before I was born. But…Charlus Potter is my great-great-great uncle. And Dorea is your great-great aunt. She was the great aunt of your mother, Bellatrix, Andy, Sirius, and Regulus."
"That makes us, like, second or third cousins." Draco realized.
"And despite the distance in relation, it means that through marriage, I count as family. Sirius was able to claim because of that link. So he named me his heir, and when he died, I became Lord Black. It was June 1996, and I knew of it and kept it quiet. There were more important matters to handle." Harry said.
"But when the war ended, I returned to the bank to officially take up the title of Lord Black and obviously, my own family's lordship. I stand as Lord Potter-Black. It's just kept quiet because I don't want Ginny getting more obsessed with thinking she'll be Lady Potter-Black…" Harry explained. "Only Hermione, Ron, and Andromeda know. Your mother might, but I don't know. I asked to keep it quiet for the reason mentioned before."
"Ah, okay. I won't tell anyone." Draco promised.
"So one of the first things I did after the war was overturn Andromeda's disownment. It was foolish to be disowned for marrying a muggleborn. You can't help who you fall in love with. Plus…She lost her husband, daughter, son-in-law…I figured it might be nice to reconnect with family. And the Black family is huge. Related to the Longbottoms, Weasleys…"
"Really?" Draco blinked in surprise.
"Yeah. Haven't you ever seen the family tree?" Harry inquired. Draco shook his head. "Why don't you pop over to my place over the holiday. I can show you. I live in the Black family house, Twelve Grimmauld Place. It's hidden, Fidelius. Obviously, I'm the secret keeper. To those magical folk who know of it, when approached, it slides into sight. But muggles can't see it, and they just believe it was a construction error in there being no number twelve."
"I will have to do that." Draco replied. "Who else knows of it?"
"Uh…Ron, Hermione, Andromeda. That's about it. When the war ended and I moved in there, I reset all the wards of who it would allow and not allow." Harry shrugged. "It had been Sirius, then Dumbledore. For secret keepers, that is. After Dumbledore died, anyone who knew the location became a new secret keeper. But when I took up my duties as Lord Black, it reset everything to while they may know, they need me to tell them again to enter the property." Harry mentioned.
"Neat. But back to what we were talking about…Especially with this information, my mother would love watching the baby. You got a lot of help, Harry. Parents send their kids to sitters all the time. My parents used to send me to my godfather, we'd brew all day. How do you think I got as good as him at potions?" Draco laughed. "You'd have plenty to help while you did training for a career."
"I know. But babies are a lot of work and…Settling down, when I get to that point, not all people wanna be with someone who already has a kid." Harry stated. "I know it's stupid, but…Guess the bottom line is that I'm still young. I hadn't planned on kids until I was married."
"It's not stupid. You're right. Especially in wizarding families, not everyone who already had kids fares well in new relationships because everyone cares about lines and whatnot." Draco agreed. "But there's still time. You're sixteen weeks today, aren't you?"
Harry nodded. "Four months, five to go…" He rubbed his belly.
"You're showing now." Draco chuckled. "In regular clothes, at least. In the uniform with the robes you can't see it." A pause. "Want to get your scan out of the way now? Probably won't see you again until after the holiday." He asked.
"Sure, that sounds fine." Harry agreed as he assumed the position on his bed of laying down for Draco to do all his normal checks. The blonde summoned over the file and got started.
"Have you told the father yet?" Draco wondered.
Fuck, Harry didn't want to even think about it. "No. I still have to find him…" He said. "And figure out how to meet him to tell him. I don't think that news should be in a letter."
"No, of course not." Draco agreed while jotting things down. "I could help you find him."
I know exactly where he is, I just have no idea how to tell him that we fucked each other in disguise and now I'm pregnant. The teen thought to himself. Why did his life have to be so complicated?
"Harry? You never replied. Are you sure you're okay? You've been really quiet the last three days since you learned who the father was." Draco mentioned gently.
"Is it…Someone you know and don't get along with? Someone you didn't expect?"
"You could say that." Harry sighed.
"Talk to me," Draco offered. "If you want, but this whole thing seems like it's stressing you out. I want you to not be stressed." He paused. "Should I get Hermione for you?"
"No. No…" Harry shook his head. "You have to swear to me you won't tell anyone."
"Harry, I'm your healer, I can't say anything without your consent. Just tell me what's going on…" Draco assured.
"Snape." Harry said.
"What about him? Do you need me to-," Draco began.
"It's Snape." Harry repeated as he got the sheet from his desk and gave it to Draco. "The other father of this child."
The teen's gray eyes widened. "Holy Merlin…" A pause. "How the fuck?..."
"We both must have had the same idea that night. Go out to a muggle place in disguise, drink…" Harry closed his eyes. "Just like I did, he gave himself a new name and we never exchanged information to meet up again because he thought the same thing I did. That I was a muggle he'd never see again with how our job/life is." The teen sighed. "He's here as headmaster. I'm here as a student. Fuck, I feel so stupid…" Harry covered his face.
"Harry, you said it yourself. You didn't know who he was that night…You're not stupid…" Draco consoled.
"I flirted with the guy I thought he was. All night I refused advances from others who wanted to sleep with me, or just get off in the loo. And then I met Howard. We made out in the hall by the bathrooms. We fucked in a bathroom stall!" Harry glared. "We joked afterwards about meeting up again maybe because it was great."
"What's the big deal? So you had sex with Severus, not the end of the world." Draco said.
"Except for the fact it's not just a one-night stand with a stranger and forget about it deal anymore, Draco. One, he wasn't a stranger. And two, I'm fucking four months pregnant with his kid! I see him three times a day." Harry reminded.
"Harry…Harry, relax!" Draco shouted to stop the oncoming panic attack. "Listen…You wanted to know who the father was and now, we do. It's Severus. Everything else doesn't matter about that night. You weren't Scott and he wasn't Howard. What matters is that you're pregnant with a child made from that night with Snape…" Draco paused. "And you need to tell him."
"How can I? How can I tell him that I was the guy he slept with and now, he's gonna be a daddy?" Harry groaned. "I can't. Snape and I have never been good with each other and throw a baby into the middle of it? That's not fair to the kid. I don't want to deal with…Custody battles or visitation, or the explanation. Maybe…Maybe I'll just give the baby up. Snape doesn't need to know…"
"Harry, that's not fair to Severus and you know that." Draco stated gently. "He has the right to know, and…I know it's your body, your choice. Just like a woman. But…if Severus wants to be involved, I think he deserves to make the choice for himself. Don't you think? He did spend the last twenty or so years following the orders of two powerful wizards."
Fuck, that was right. "Do this, alright? Take the two weeks for the holiday. Go home, see your friends and take it easy. Settle with things. But…When we come back to school, you need to sit Severus down and tell him the truth. That it was you that night, and he already knows you're pregnant, so you just have to tell him it's his." Draco told him.
"But he deserves to make the decision himself. If you don't want to keep the baby, and Snape does, just sign over your parental rights. He takes the baby and raises it, you're free of obligation in being in its life." Draco added.
"And if I want to keep the baby?" Harry sighed.
"Then you and Severus work something out so you can both have the baby equally." Draco smiled. "It doesn't have to be a battle. I'm sure Severus will agree that this was not on purpose and he can't say you lied about who you were because he did too. You two shagged and it was an accident, but you're pregnant, and you can surely communicate enough for the baby. And make a decision for its future. Whether that is with just you, just him, both of you, or neither of you." The blond informed.
"You're right…" Harry agreed. Draco was. Ever since learning that Severus was the father of his baby three days ago, he'd been freaking out over finding the right words to tell the man. Harry would take the holiday to sort himself out and then he'd face Severus.
Harry could do this. He faced Voldemort, he would not be afraid to face Severus Snape just to tell the man that he was Scott from that night in the club, and that he was pregnant.
"Good. Now, lay still and we'll do your scan to see the baby." Draco chuckled.
. . .
December 25, 1998
As planned, on the 19th, Harry left Hogwarts grounds and apparated home. It wasn't his favorite thing to do, but Draco said it was safe for now. Harry spent multiple days decorating a bit, and getting his shopping done. Now, it was Christmas as Harry was at the Burrow with the Weasleys, and Hermione, of course. Everyone was there, except Charlie, and Percy. Fred was with them in spirit.
The plan was to have greetings, a present exchange, then dinner. So far, there haven't been any issues. But after living all his life with problems, Harry knew that the night was still young. Greetings were over and everyone was sitting around the living room to do presents. Ginny, of course, sided right up to Harry on the couch.
"Gin, can you please put a little distance between us? You're practically sitting on top of me." Harry said.
"I can't help it. I feel like we've grown so far apart, Harry." Ginny replied. "Not like I can see you at school with…So many around you." Harry knew she was referring to Hermione, Theo, and Blaise basically acting as his guards. "I was thinking maybe we can talk later? It's been a couple months, you seem like you're doing better…We can ease into it, of course?"
And there it was. Harry didn't know why he believed that he'd get through Christmas without Ginny trying to get them back together. It didn't matter, they'd talk like she wanted to, but it wouldn't be about them getting back together.
"I'm actually doing worse, but whatever. You only seem to care about what you want." Hurt flashed in the red-head's eyes. Or maybe it was annoyance and a look that she would get what she wanted. Get her own way. "So fine, we'll talk later after dinner." Harry replied.
The look on her face showed she had no idea that Harry was going to tell her that they weren't getting back together. Boy was she in for a surprise. Everyone began to open gifts from one another. Even though Harry was pissed at Molly and Ginerva for whatever plans they had to trap Harry into their family and use his money, he got them something. It might look weird if they were the only two that didn't get something from him.
When Ginny got her gift from Harry, she smiled wide and opened it carefully. There was a box inside and within was a matching set for earrings, necklace, bracelet and a ring. She basically bypassed everything else, squealing with delight as she held up the ring.
"Oh, Harry! Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes." Ginny kissed his cheek.
"What is it, Ginny dear?" Molly inquired.
"Look what Harry got me, Mum," Ginny had slipped the ring on her left hand ring finger. "He proposed!"
"Wait-," Harry started.
"Uh…I don't think it was a proposal. Nothing was said, and Harry didn't get down on one knee." Ron remarked.
"And why would he propose when you two aren't back together?" Hermione added.
"Hang on-," Harry tried.
"Of course we're back together. Harry said just a few minutes ago that we'd talk tonight. And before he said we'd talk when he wanted to get back together." Ginny commented.
"That is not what I-," Harry began again.
"I thought it would be dating, but this is way better. I always knew we were meant to be. Soulmates…From the very first time I met you…" Ginny sighed happily.
"Oh, how wonderful! See, sweetheart? I told you Harry loved you and all would work out. What's meant to be will be. I've always known you two would end up together." Molly beamed.
"I'm so sorry I was pushy, baby. I didn't know you had all this planned. It's beautiful…I can't wait to be your wife. It's all I've wanted since you finally noticed me and gave me a chance. I've been waiting for this, now we can plan the wedding." Ginny draped herself on him, happy tears forming.
She tried to kiss him on the lips, but he turned his head just enough that it ended up on his cheek. "I've got so many things ready for us to plan. And we don't even have to wait long. Maybe right after Hogwarts, we both graduate in June. A fall wedding would be perfect!"
"Of course, there's plenty of time between now and then to plan a wedding." Molly said, nodding.
Harry's eyes widened. "That's enough!" he said loud enough to not be interrupted again and in an angry. Everyone in the room sort of jumped because it wasn't like Harry to just snap. Hermione and Ron, of course, frowned because they understood his frustration. "That is so fucking enough!"
"I've have enough. I'm done. This shit you keep doing needs to stop, Ginerva. You're getting way ahead of yourself, both of you are, in fact, and taking this entire thing out of context." Harry stated firmly. "There will be none of anything you're discussing because we sure as hell are not planning a wedding for seven to eight months from now…Because we're not engaged."
"B-But I thought this, a-and you saying we'd talk meant-," Ginny began, obviously crushed. But Harry saw it, the anger behind that promising that she would get what she wanted.
"Yeah, that's the problem, Ginny. It's not a US problem. It's you. You are the problem with us because you keep assuming everything because it's what you want." Harry informed. "I was not asking you to marry me." He said firmly.
"Why would you give her a ring then?" Molly inquired.
"It was a full set. Earrings, necklace, and bracelet. It wasn't just the ring. She only grabbed that and made an assumption because it's what she wants to happen when, in fact, Ginny and I aren't even dating. This was just a gift, Mrs. Weasley." Harry revealed.
"Why get me this then? Boyfriends buy their girlfriends jewelry all the time. It might be a set, but the ring looks like an engagement ring, not just a small thing to wear at random." Ginny said.
"It's just a gift, Ginny. Because I was being nice and wanted to make sure everyone got something. But that set is just that. A set. They had it available for all birthstones, so I got one for Hermione, Luna, and Pansy, set to their birthstones as well." Harry explained.
Hermione nodded, holding up her box with the jewelry in it revealing sapphire for September. Harry pulled the box from his bag for Pansy, casting a spell on it to reveal it transparently, and revealing the same set in crystal for April.
"Diamond?! She gets diamonds?" Ginny snapped. "I'm your girlfriend!"
"They are clear crystals. I would never buy a diamond for anyone other than the person I'm asking to marry me, or am married to. Not to mention, if and when I go to get married…The Potter family has traditions regarding that subject. I would not buy a ring, there is already a wedding set in one of the vaults reserved for when the heir or new lord selects their partner." Harry stated.
"And when that choice is made, there are other traditions in place before a betrothal agreement is set in place, and then it's the engagement, then the wedding or bonding…Which is discussed during betrothal arrangements." he paused. "All that aside, perhaps you need reminding despite me saying it multiple times that you and I are not dating, Ginerva. We have not been since before Fleur and Bill's wedding last year. We broke up." Harry reminded.
"Ginerva, don't make a scene on Christmas." Arthur told his daughter.
"No. I'm tired of this. Harry, you promised we'd talk after the war ended. I've been patient and understanding, but you just keep pushing me off. And every time I get close, one of your new bodyguards sends me off. You even have Snape doing it." Ginny stated.
"And maybe the physical war is over and Voldemort is dead, Ginny. But the war is still going on in my head. All the things seen and done. The deaths. The fighting. The fact there are still Death Eaters out there who want revenge." Harry told her.
"You have not been patient or understanding. You've been up my arse since school was back in session and I told you I needed time to get my head straight. There is a lot going on that you don't know and having a relationship is just going to make it harder." Harry informed. "Believe me, Ginny, if I wanted something up my ass, I'd go find a guy to fuck me so at least I can enjoy it!"
Ginerva inhaled sharply, but she and her mother gave a disgusted look at the idea. "They are not bodyguards, they are my friends who are trying to make sure you're giving me the space I asked for. And I did not ask Snape to do what he did that day. He saw you harassing me when I didn't feel good and literally threw up and made you leave me alone. I am not responsible for the reactions of others." The teen added.
"I am not doing this with you, Ginny. I said we'd talk tonight, but you just had to push it. I never said I wanted to get back together, like you claimed I did. The talk tonight was NOT to get back together. I said we'd talk about the possibility of MAYBE getting back together when the war was over. But since you want to keep assuming, pushing, and not respecting my wants and needs…" Harry paused.
"Let me say plainly to you and with witnesses that this talk tonight was for me to tell you that I am not taking you back." Ginny's mouth dropped open. "I warned you in September that if you didn't lay off, all bets were off and we would not get back together." Harry reminded her.
"So now…This is your fault. On top of that…My feelings have changed. I do not like you as anything more than a friend. Family even. That's all I've ever seen you all as. Family. And yes, I did start to like you and I was hesitant to date because I didn't want there to be a rift between your family and me if things didn't work out…"
"But I gave in…It was just horrible timing with the state of the war. Your attitude is awful. You've been acting desperate and needy with no regard for me." Harry remarked. "I did tell you we could talk about possibly getting back together, but after I focused on me…So the weight of everything I suffered from the night my parents were killed to when I killed Voldemort would not burden you. Would not weigh on our relationship and we could just be us and happy…"
Ginny teared up. "But you haven't given me space and you haven't respected my wishes. You were only focused on what you wanted. And relationships are supposed to be partnerships where both participants are there for the other person when they need them. You're all hyped about wanting to get married, but we're not even together and you can't prove that you'd mean any of the vows we'd take."
"You know, the ones that say you'd be there for me in good and bad times, happy and sad…For richer or poor and all that. All it looks like to me is that we'd both vow it and only one of us would be keeping them. Because I would have been there for you, and it's clear you wouldn't do the same as long as you got what you wanted." Harry remarked. "And that isn't how a marriage is supposed to be. It's not even how a relationship should be."
"I told you. Draco and his friends told you. Even Hermione and Ron have told you. I spent seven years of my life fighting in a war I didn't want to be part of. It's something I got dragged and forced into by that stupid prophecy. I would have rather snapped my wand, given up my magic and disappeared under a new identity to start a new life where I was not solely responsible for taking down the darkest wizard known to the magical world." No one said anything, but oddly enough, Ginny and Molly gasped.
"Harry Potter!" Molly scolded. "You were chosen by fate!"
"I was chosen by Voldemort. There were two boys born as the seventh month died that year. It was Neville and me. Voldemort took PART of a prophecy he was told and made the decision of who to target. And he chose another half-blood like himself. Because if he could rise to that much power, so then could I to defeat him." Harry explained. "Don't make the mistake of thinking it was anything but that, and you, just like Dumbledore only saw that. Me having some great destiny."
"Nah. I would have rather done what I said or died with my parents that night. Anything would have been better than suffering the way I did with the 'family' Dumbledore left me with who hated me. Losing Sirius. Losing Remus. I spent ten years as a slave to my muggle relatives, being beaten and starved. And then I learn I'm a wizard and spend seven years being everyone's beacon of light and hope. All the while no one actually knew how deep in the darkness I was falling." Harry admitted.
"I don't know how…The signs were. So maybe people did see and didn't care. But let's stay positive and assume no one knew. Just like no one knew that Voldemort saw the darkness when no one else did…And instead of mocking or even attacking me," Harry laughed a little, sarcastically. "He offered me to join him. Multiple times. He knew I hated my life and had no choice, and joining him…That's what he offered me. Not to serve as a follower. He wanted me to join him as a partner, and equal…Be free to live my life the way I wanted with no one having control over me."
"I was eleven years old the first time he offered me that. And I'd be lying if I said for an entire minute, I considered it. But I knew it would dishonor the sacrifice my parents made. The second time was when I was fourteen, in the graveyard when he returned to his body. And the next time was after Sirius died and believe me after that one…When Voldemort had possessed me, I stopped fighting him. Because I was so sick of fighting. And I wouldn't have to anymore if I just joined him…"
"But I realized that I'd just be swapping one master for another one. Voldemort would have probably let me do what I wanted, but he would have expected me to fight for him and it would have been against all of you. And again…It would have dishonored the fact my parents died for me to live. Not survive, not fight in the war they died to protect me from. Died for me to LIVE. And did I get to live the life they died for me to have?" Harry said.
"No. And you know something else about the prophecy…It was bullshit. A prophecy is one outcome, based on the current decisions of those involved, out of thousands of other outcomes. There could have been an outcome where Voldemort won. There could have been one where he realized he screwed up and what he was doing wasn't worth anything. One where I joined him. One where I killed him and then in the despair of everything I'd been through, I took over as the new Dark Lord…" He paused.
"All it took was one different decision on either side to stop that prophecy from happening. It would have ceased to exist. So that prophecy meant nothing… I did what I did because I was pushed to do it. On purpose by some barmy old man who only cared about getting rid of Voldemort, and not about the fact the weapon he was creating is a human being that could feel emotions. Feel pain. Could suffer." Harry revealed. "And that human being who was being weaponized was me."
"All my parents wanted was for me to live. Happy and safe. And that did not happen because I had to survive and in the end…I ended up in that war and had to die to stop it. And believe me…There are still times I wish that I died in that forest. So I could finally be done. I never got to live, why bother continuing to live? No one saw past the mask I wore, and still to this day…Very few can see past it." Harry told them.
"I spent my life being made to do things I didn't want to do. Helping everyone but no one wanting to help me because I was the chosen one, so obviously, I'm perfectly fine. Worrying about everyone else. But no one was worrying about me and how I was doing. Now you know what everyone relying on me to save them did. I considered joining Voldemort three times, and I wished that I hadn't lived through that second killing curse. Hell, if I went back in time to 1981, when it all started…I would have found a way to make sure I died with my parents." Harry confessed.
"These are the thoughts that circle my mind all the time. These are the thoughts that keep me up at night. The war I was forced to fight in continues on in my head in the form of nightmares. Spending years always having to look over my shoulder makes me still do it in present time. And these are the things I asked you to give me time to address and cope with, Ginny. These are the burdens I did not want you or anyone else to have to deal with. I'm glad you're all doing so great after the war…"
"But I'm not. I'm still at war. I am still waiting for the next attack. My wand is never out of reach because I'm always ready to fight. I did not get a childhood because I had to grow up to survive. And when I came to the wizarding world…Everyone relied on me to protect them. Save them. And it created a soldier who now has no idea how to stop being a soldier. I was told to die for the people, and I did. I accepted that and I embraced it."
"But then I came back and now I have to figure out how to survive everything after I survived. Because I thought when Voldemort was gone, I wouldn't have to fight anymore…But I am. I'm still fighting to find a reason for why I'm still here when it seems like the only thing people love me for is what I can still do for them. What they want from me…"
"And trying to do all that, with the rest of what I did already…I'm exhausted. Okay? I'm sick and tired of being miserable, feeling the way I do where I wish I hadn't survived the second time. Because I was tired then too. I was tired of fighting. I knew my life would never be normal with being the boy who lived twice, the boy who defeated Voldemort…It was fame before and everyone all over me, and nothing has changed. I'm still famous, and I still hate it because even though I did what everyone wanted, expected of me…I'm not allowed to politely tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone because of who I am. God forbid the 'hero' gets to rest a bit."
"No. Immediately following the war it was rebuilding, trials, events, memorials, back to school. It has not stopped for me. It hasn't even slowed and I'm just over it. So now I'm at the point of not being polite about it…Go away, live your now Voldemort-free lives. Go find love, get married, have kids…But get off the Harry is a hero train. Harry does not care about his fame. He never has and he never will. The hero is retired and just wants to live his life. So everyone needs to move on from my train and go find your own. My train is only big enough for me and this is a journey I'm making alone because it's what I want and need to move on."
"So I don't care if it pisses off or hurts anyone else. Right now, I'm making the decision to only worry about myself. To only care about me. Because After everything I did for others, I fucking earned the right to be selfish. I did my part, I survived and I vanquished the Dark Lord. The prophecy was fulfilled…My job is done. So now, I'm going to help myself and stop feeling like I wish I was dead. I'm going to stop walking around like I'm just here because I'm here. Sooner or later, there's a point in everyone's lives where they stop fighting to survive every day, and start living every day like it's their last." Harry said.
"And the best part…The prophecy was fulfilled. It's gone…Which means now I can finally live my life according to my choices. I'm an adult, so that means I don't have to listen to anyone. No one can make decisions for me. Nothing and no one controls me anymore." The teen paused. "So I'm going to find a reason for why I'm still here. I lived for a reason, so I'm going to find it. And I'm going to do what my parents died for me to do. What Remus and Sirius wanted for me too. I'm going to live my life and be happy, and above all…I'm going to do it my way."
"But Harry…" Ginny began.
"No. Enough. You and me are done, Ginerva. I am not taking you back, we will not get back together. I don't like you romantically. I don't love you. My feelings changed…And you can't make someone want or love you. I am sorry, but you and me do not have a future in that way. I can be your friend, but nothing else. If you want to insist on fighting, I will not even be that to you anymore."
Harry stood up, and bowed his head to Arthur. "I apologize for all that, but some people just need to be told how it was and is. Thank you for the invitation to spend Christmas with you and your family, Mr. Weasley. Unfortunately, I think it's best if I go now."
"Of course, Harry. Don't worry about it…" Arthur smiled. Bless the man's heart.
Harry smiled to the rest, ignoring the glare that Molly was shooting at him for hurting her daughter, whom she'd now moved to sit next to. The teen stepped outside the Burrow, then disapparated back home. So much for a good night, but sadly, Harry had a feeling that things would end up the way they did.