The piercing clamor of her alarm woke Callie up bright and early the next morning. Well, dark and early, because they somehow beat the sun. She fumbled for her phone, smacking blindly at the screen until the sweet reprieve of silence came.
She groaned and rolled over, ready to curl up and go back to sleep, every cell in her body protesting the social construct that was waking up early. But when she turned over, Arizona was there, one eye peeking open at her.
"Mittens."
Callie furrowed her brows crankily. "Huh?"
"Mittens," Arizona mumbled. She almost sounded like she was sleep talking. Callie wasn't entirely sure that she was awake until Arizona pushed herself up on her elbows, blankets falling off her bare chest, and started to ramble drowsily. Her voice was scratchy and sleepy and Callie kind of loved it. "I forgot to pack you mittens."
"I'll live. Ten more minutes," Callie grumped, attempting to pull the blankets up over her head to go back to sleep.
"I had a dream you got frostbite and couldn't operate anymore and it was my fault. Because I forgot to pack you mittens."
"I don't even own mittens."
"What?" Arizona sounded horrified, and Callie felt the blanket being tugged off her head. She fussed, keeping her eyes squeezed tight, but she could feel Arizona hovering over her. "We're going to the mountains, Calliope. You need mittens."
"God, stop talking. Too early."
"You need mittens!"
Callie pulled her pillow out from under her head and smothered her own face with it, trying to block out the perky voice. It should be illegal to be this chipper less than two minutes into consciousness, Callie thought. "I never want to hear the word mittens again." Her voice was muffled under the pillow.
Arizona laughed and pulled the pillow off of her face, tossing it on the floor before Callie could steal it back. They were both still naked from the night before, and Arizona smirked when she saw the mark on Callie's collarbone that had darkened while they slept. That had definitely been an accident. Definitely.
Arizona hooked her leg over Callie's hips and started to shake her shoulders gently in her hands. "Get up. C'mon. Please."
Callie finally fluttered her eyes open and looked up at Arizona with a tired frown. "You're so aggravating."
Arizona's dimples appeared. "Good morning to you too."
Arizona rolled out of bed, dragging the covers with her to pull them off Callie, taking away her warmth to help coax her out of bed.
"You've done a lot of mean things to me, but this is the worst." Callie sat up and rubbed her eyes.
"We really need to figure out this mitten situation. Does Mark have mittens?" Arizona asked absently as she dressed for the day. She kept it comfortable for their roadtrip, sweatpants and a sweater and little boots that Callie found weirdly cute. "Surely he does. He's a plastic surgeon, for God's sake. He knows frostbite isn't pretty. Can we steal his?"
"How are you talking this much? I can barely think yet."
Arizona laughed and pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail. "My dad used to wake me up at 4 AM to go for runs. Every morning, even weekends, no exceptions. You get used to it."
"God, and I thought getting up for church once a week was bad." Callie finally pushed herself up out of bed, disappearing momentarily into her closet to retrieve a set of clothes. "At least it made you fast. All I got was some good old fashioned Catholic guilt."
Arizona was standing in the doorway of the bathroom when Callie returned from the closet, a toothbrush in her mouth, and Callie had to do a double take.
She was trying. She was really, really trying. She had been dating another person for three weeks now, and it was going well. Michael was successful and sweet and he liked her, probably more than she'd ever been liked by someone. She was pretty sure she could like Michael too if she just let herself. She was trying to keep her sights set on that.
But Arizona was brushing her teeth in her bathroom and it was so domestic, intimate in a way that was hard to put into words. Longing nagged at her.
She joined Arizona at the sink and started brushing her own teeth. Arizona bumped their hips together and laughed, eyes bright in the mirror. She was a morning person to an almost obnoxious degree. She liked to listen to music when she got ready in the mornings—Callie knew that from a round of one things they had exchanged a couple months back. Callie could almost picture her, dancing around and singing offkey while she put on her makeup.
Longing nagged and nagged at her. She ignored it.
Callie was like a needle pulled ever north when it came to Arizona. She couldn't stay away from her. Everything pointed to her; everything guided Callie back to her side. It was as naturally occurring a phenomenon as magnetism. It was physics. Trying to deny that would be like trying to deny the existence of gravity after a bad fall, knees skinned and breath knocked from lungs.
But Arizona had pushed her away time and time again, made it abundantly clear that casual was all she could ever offer, and Callie knew she needed to let go of her for her own sanity. She just…didn't know how to let go. Everything she had ever lost came away with the crescent shaped indentations of her fingernails. She clung so hard to the people leaving her that she left metaphorical scars on them, permanent reminders of the depths of her loyalty and proof that it wasn't ever quite enough for anyone.
But she was trying. She wouldn't be that girl anymore that pined over people that were incapable of wanting her.
The door was still open—she wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to turn that lock completely on Arizona.
She was no longer waiting by it though.
Arizona dug around in Callie's coat closet until she found a pair of gray mittens stuffed into one of Mark's pockets. She joined Callie in the kitchen where she was nursing a cup of black coffee, a delighted grin on her face as she held them out in her fist.
"I saved your hands."
"My hero," Callie rolled her eyes, stuffing the mittens into her pockets.
"I quite like your hands. I'd be sad if you lost any fingers."
"Oh, I'm sure you would be."
"Devastated, really," Arizona giggled and poured herself a cup of coffee, then sat next to Callie. She pried one of Callie's hands off the mug in her hands, pressed their fingertips together. "These are magic hands."
A single dark eyebrow raised. Callie tried to ignore the way it felt when their hands touched. "Magic, huh?"
"Magic." Arizona leaned forward with a grin, like she was going to flirt, then fluttered her eyes in innocence and pulled her hand back. "You're an excellent surgeon."
Callie laughed. That wasn't what she had been talking about and they both knew it. "Funny. You used to scream that I was an incompetent jackass in the halls at work."
Arizona's face lit up when she laughed. It was kind of one of Callie's favorite things about her. Her eyes would crinkle in the corners, and her dimples would appear, nearly blinding, and her head would tip back just the smallest bit. "I can't believe how dumb we used to be," Arizona breathed through her laugh, pulling her coffee to her mouth for a sip.
Used to be. Sure.
They finished their coffee and carried their bags down to Arizona's car. The sun was just beginning to rise, coloring the Seattle sky above them in mottled brushstrokes of pink and orange. Arizona climbed into the passenger seat. They were driving in shifts; since Arizona was the only one with any experience driving in the mountains, Callie was taking her turn first.
Arizona twisted in her seat and reached into the back for a blanket. Callie's brows raised. "You keep a blanket in your car?"
"Yes?"
"Is it a car sex blanket or something?"
"No," Arizona scowled, covering herself up once her seatbelt was buckled. "I keep it to look at constellations on clear nights."
"Oh. Dorky, not sexy."
"Don't be mean. I only covered up so I wouldn't have to turn the heater on. But I guess I can—"
Callie smacked her hand away when it started to reach for the temperature control knob, and Arizona laughed. "Did I say dorky? I meant adorable."
Arizona's eyes rolled and she leaned back in her seat, propping her feet up on the dashboard.
Callie frowned at her. "Put your feet down."
"What? No. It's comfy."
"Do you know how dangerous that is?"
"You better drive safe then. You've got precious cargo."
"I'm not driving at all until you put them down." Callie was glaring at her, lips pressed into a stern line.
"You're being a little dramatic."
"I'm really not. I'm an orthopedic surgeon, Arizona. Some of the worst injuries I've seen from car accidents were from idiots like you."
Arizona scoffed. Callie narrowed her eyes, leaning across the center console. One by one, she gripped Arizona's legs by the knee and pulled them down. "I like your hips where they are. I'd prefer to keep them there."
"Oh my god," Arizona laughed and shook her head, finding her ridiculous, but she kept her legs down. "I'd argue that you prefer my hips when they're sitting on your fa—"
"Don't change the subject. Don't sit like that anymore, okay? Even when I'm not here to scold you."
"Fine."
"Promise me?"
"Promise."
That seemed to placate her, at least enough for her to shift the car into drive and begin following the directions her phone spouted at her. The silence lasted all of 5 minutes before Arizona was messing with the radio, flipping through stations until she landed on a Taylor Swift song.
Callie rolled her eyes and turned the radio off.
Arizona turned it back on.
Callie groaned. "We're not listening to this."
"You're no fun," Arizona whined. She switched to a country music station and Callie's brows shot up.
"Seriously? This is worse."
"What's wrong with it?"
"You actually listen to this?"
"Sometimes," Arizona shrugged. "When I'm feeling nostalgic. I spent almost 5 years in the south growing up. Texas, Georgia, and Virginia." Her eyes narrowed a little. "You spent your whole life in the south."
"In Miami," Callie corrected. "Which is kind of different. My friends and I definitely didn't listen to this and buck hay bales on a farm." She glanced over her shoulder as she merged onto the highway.
The song changed, a deep male voice crooning about something vaguely patriotic. Callie's face scrunched in protest, and she was seconds from reaching to turn the radio off again when she saw Arizona in the corner of her eye.
She had an odd expression on her face, hand fidgeting with the gold locket around her neck. "I know it's cheesy, I know you're judging it, but Tim and I loved this song growing up."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I'd put on my dad's boots and stomp around pretending to be a soldier," Arizona laughed quietly. She swung the locket on her neck back and forth on its chain, lost somewhere in a memory. "But they were too big and so heavy. I was always slow in them. Tim would pick me up on his back and pretend to rescue me from the bad guys."
Callie was quiet for a long time, letting it sink in. She dug her fingers into the steering wheel and asked as gently as humanly possible, "When did he die?"
Callie was glad she had her eyes forward on the road, glad she didn't have to see the devastation she knew would cross Arizona's face. Before she could ask, she added, "I only know because your mom made a comment about it. I'm sorry. I didn't know how to ask you. I didn't want to bring it up if you weren't ready."
"I'm not ready," Arizona snapped, but she sounded so sad that Callie wasn't even offended. "You don't get to hold me hostage in a car and corner me with that."
"That's not what I'm doing. That's not fair of you to say."
Arizona fell quiet and abruptly turned the radio back off, staring out her window at the passing Washington landscape. The air between them was stifling in the silence.
After what could have been 5 minutes or 5 hours, Callie wasn't sure, Arizona finally spoke. "6 years ago." Her voice was gentler after she had time to cool down. To think. Callie wondered if maybe that was the secret trick to approaching Arizona: giving her the space and the freedom to process her feelings first.
"In the military?"
"Yeah." Arizona's voice sounded so strained. Callie could tell this was something she never spoke about. She could tell this was a big deal for her, which made it a big deal for Callie too. "There wasn't—there wasn't even a body left to bury."
"God. That's awful."
"I didn't cry at first. For a long time, really, because my parents kind of fell apart and someone needed to plan the funeral. My mom was a mess and my dad was just… empty. A shell of a person.
"None of it felt real until I was in the cemetery and the guns went off. I can still hear those guns. It was raining and I was standing in a puddle of mud and every gunshot made me shake and I finally cried. I cried and cried. It was like I couldn't turn it off once it started.
"But I woke up the next morning after I thought I'd cried myself to death, and the world kept going. The sun came back, the trees only got greener from the rain. Everything around me kept moving, and I was stuck. I'm scared a part of me will always be stuck in that cemetery with Tim."
Callie didn't register that her right hand had fallen to Arizona's knee until she felt Arizona's hand take her own, twisting their fingers together and squeezing tight. Callie rubbed the back of her hand with her thumb soothingly. "It will."
"Huh?"
"It will. A part of you will always be stuck there." Callie swallowed, hoping the right words would come to her. Hoping they wouldn't piss Arizona off. "You will miss him for the rest of your life. It will fucking suck for the rest of your life. But you get to have a rest of your life, Arizona. You get to laugh and love and tell the world all about him. Don't let being scared keep you from that."
"He was my best friend."
"I know," Callie said. "I know he was. And I can't wait for the day when you're ready to tell me all about him."
Arizona smiled, just barely, and they meandered back into silence, easy and comfortable this time. They kept their hands linked, and Arizona let the soft strokes of Callie's thumb lull her back into a feeling of calm.
"Arizona?"
"Hmm?"
"We can listen to your shitty music if you want."
Callie pulled into a gas station a few hours later so they could fill up and switch drivers. They had fallen back into their usual rhythm with ease, laughing and talking about everything and nothing. They taught one another about their lives, their likes and dislikes and fears and pasts, so effortlessly. They sang along to the radio. They gossiped about work. They teased each other, bickered good-naturedly, rolled their eyes with affection.
Arizona pumped the gas and Callie went inside for snacks. Arizona was already in the driver's seat and waiting for her when she returned, an entire grocery bag full of items in her hand.
"I didn't know what you were in the mood for. So I got everything," Callie laughed. She pulled out a bottle of pink lemonade. A bottle of Sprite. A blueberry muffin. A bag of jelly beans and a bag of sour gummy worms. Plain potato chips. Roasted almonds.
Arizona blinked at her, a bit stunned. "These are all of my favorites."
"Well, duh. That's why I got them," Callie said like it was obvious, cracking open a small can of Red Bull she had bought for herself.
"You know my favorite snacks?"
"I know you."
Arizona smiled shyly. She reached for the Sprite and twisted its cap, the sharp hiss of carbonation filling the car, and took a sip. "Thanks."
It was strange, Arizona thought, to be known so well. For someone to notice things about her and to remember them. She wasn't used to it. It felt strange and so good.
She was humming as she drove about 30 minutes later, drumming her fingers against the steering wheel to the beat of the music, when she heard it for the first time. A sharp exhale from Callie, an almost-laugh, and Arizona glanced at her to find her smiling down at her phone, doe eyed and sappy as she typed something. Arizona ignored it.
Until it happened again five minutes later, only it was closer to a real giggle this time. Arizona frowned. Ignored it again.
The third time it happened, Arizona let out a sharp breath and the snippy comment came out before she could control herself. "We'll probably lose service soon. Make sure you get all your little kissy faces sent now."
Callie seemed taken back by the comment, head snapping up from her phone. "What?"
"Tell Matthew I say hi."
"Michael. God, Arizona, what is it going to take for you to learn his name?"
"When he's interesting enough for it to be worth learning."
Callie narrowed her eyes. "You don't get to be jealous about this. You told me to go dance with him. You practically pushed me into it."
"I'm not jealous," Arizona said, sounding to Callie as though she were entirely jealous. "All of the giggling over there is just really fucking annoying."
"Why can't you just admit it?"
"Admit what?"
"That you're jealous. That you care."
"Because I don't care," Arizona insisted, knuckles whitening from her grip on the steering wheel. "You're a grown woman. You can do whatever you want."
"I know I can. I don't need your permission."
"Good thing I wasn't giving it to you."
Callie closed her eyes and pulled in a deep breath, trying to keep herself calm before this spiraled into a real argument. She focused on keeping her tone even. "I don't want to fight with you. I hate when we fight."
That softened Arizona a bit. She chewed on the inside of her cheek and sighed. "I hate it too. Can we just… not talk about him this weekend? Can we agree on that?"
"Yeah. Yeah, we can." Callie sent one last text and tucked her phone away. She dug into the bag of snacks. "Open your mouth."
Arizona didn't argue. Callie popped a jellybean in her waiting mouth. "Guess the flavor."
Arizona chewed it slowly. "Cherry?"
"Correct. Well, I think so. I don't know. It was red."
Arizona laughed and opened her mouth for another. "Pear?"
"Correct. I think. It was green."
"This game kind of sucks," Arizona grinned.
"I know. But you're laughing again, so it did its job."
Callie turned her attention to the scenery outside her window, letting her forehead rest against the cold glass.
It started slowly, the odd patch of dirty compacted snow on the side of the road every few miles. As the elevation climbed and the temperature dropped, the amount of snow slowly grew until the ground was blanketed entirely in white. Arizona seemed unphased, keeping her eyes on the tracks in the road from the cars before them like she had done it a million times. Callie sat up straighter and started to crane her neck from side to side, drinking in every bit of the view.
She was elated when fluffy flakes of snow started to fall from the sky, melting the moment they hit the windshield, and she couldn't hold in her excitement any longer. "It's gorgeous."
"What is?"
"The snow."
"Oh," Arizona laughed a little. "I guess so. I mean, it looks how snow always looks."
"I've never seen snow before."
"What? Really?" Arizona's mouth fell open, finding it unfathomable. "You can't be serious."
"It doesn't exactly snow in Miami," Callie laughed breathlessly, and Arizona could hear that she was beaming without even looking at her.
"You didn't vacation?"
"To Bora Bora or Cabo. We weren't skiing in Aspen or anything."
Arizona shook her head a bit and felt a smile of her own inch onto her face. She chanced a fleeting glance at Callie, and she looked so fucking endearing, her eyes wide with awe as she took in her surroundings.
She debated with herself for a moment, then pulled the car off to the side of the road next to a small clearing. She unbuckled her seatbelt and grinned.
Callie's brows furrowed, confused. "What are you doing?"
"Showing you snow." Arizona smiled and pushed herself up in her seat a little, reaching over Callie and dipping her hand into the pocket of her sweatpants where the brunette had shoved the mittens that morning. She tucked them into Callie's unsuspecting hand, then twisted to reach for their coats in the backseat.
"Arizona," Callie laughed. "We're almost to the cabin. I can wait—"
"You've already waited 32 years," Arizona interrupted, pulling on her own mittens and a ridiculous looking bobble hat. "And that is way too long, if you ask me. Come on." She shoved her arms into her coat and was out in the snow before Callie could argue it, standing with her hands on her hips and looking at her expectantly.
Callie shook her head in disbelief but listened to her. She was pretty sure she'd always give in to her. She exited the car mittened and bundled up, the unfamiliar crunch of snow under her feet startling her a little.
She trudged towards Arizona through the snow slowly, watching the way she left behind a trail of footprints. She felt small next to the evergreens towering over them, small beneath the snow flurrying down in every direction for miles. Her cheeks stung, both from the frigid wind and from smiling so much. Callie knelt in the snow and reached down to hold it for the first time.
Arizona looked at her. She looked at her as flakes of snow stuck to her dark eyelashes, as she gathered it in her mittened hands with such wonder. She looked at her and wondered how every person who had ever met her hadn't fallen at least a little in love with her.
Her heart did something convulsive in her chest, sputtering and a little painful. It felt difficult to swallow suddenly, a chore to breathe, impossible to think.
Callie looked up at her from her knees, mid laugh as she balled snow up and threw her first ever snowball, landing right at Arizona's navel. She wrinkled her nose at the strange look on Arizona's face. "What?"
"Nothing," Arizona choked out. She sank to her knees next to her and started to make her own snowball. She didn't throw it, just used it as an excuse to keep her hands busy, and her voice came out soft and absent, distracted. "You're kind of becoming my best friend, you know."
If it was physically possible for Callie to smile any wider, she would have. "Really?"
"Really." Arizona blushed, grateful her cheeks had already pinked up from the cold to cover it. She crushed the snow in her hands until it crumbled, then started working on a new snowball.
"You're kind of becoming mine too."
"I won't tell Mark you're cheating on him with me."
Callie laughed. She landed another snowball to Arizona's chest in a sneak attack, and blue eyes finally narrowed competitively.
Arizona swung her arm back, channeling all the strength of her softball playing days, and landed a snowball to Callie's back as she ran away from her. She laughed and sprang to her feet to chase her.
"Don't start something you can't finish, Callie."
She caught her easily, jumping on her back and tackling her down into the snow until they were both lying together in a fit of giggles, breathless and freezing. Their red noses brushed, lips inches apart. Callie's eyes glowed. Everything about her glowed. She reached out, poking a dimple.
Arizona grinned. "I," she started with a content sigh, rolling onto her back to look up at the snow as it continued to fall on them, "am so happy I know you, Calliope Torres."
She pushed herself up before Callie could answer, holding her hand out to help her to her feet. "C'mon, we should get going. My parents are waiting and I'm starving."
They helped dust the snow off of each other before heading back to the car. Callie walked behind Arizona, eyes locked on her messy blonde ponytail as it whipped about in the wind.
"I'm happy I know you too."
A/N: surprise double upload this week! :) yayy! Hope you enjoyed this chapter friends! As always, thank you for reading and even more so for leaving a comment. I hope you know how appreciative I am for the response to this story so far