Jason

Brice is abnormally quiet as we walk back to the bunkhouse after supper, seemingly lost in his own world. "What's the matter with you?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. "Just crazy, you know, a guy like Alexander Ramsey just showing up like that. And we rescued him. Crazy."

I want to point out that Miranda and I were the ones who found him, but let it slide. "I've been following Alexander Ramsey ever since he was a kid. You know he rode his first race when he was thirteen? Thirteen. Can you imagine that?"

I can't, and I'm not even sure why Brice is so wound up about this. But this new information has him acting strangely, even for him. When we return to the bunkhouse, he pulls a box out from under his bed. He opens it and pulls out a few issues of Blood Horse, flipping through the pages. Suddenly he stops, stabbing at a picture with one finger. "That's him, last time he rode. The Merry Christmas Stakes at Belmont." Brice examines the date at the top. "He must have taken off right after that. Wonder what got into him."

I study the picture. Alexander is astride a horse in the winner's circle, a wide smile on his boyish face, handsome even underneath the mud that dots his cheeks and chin. I can see just a bit of flaming red hair underneath his helmet, and it suddenly dawns on me what's going on. I nudge Brice. "You like him."

He goes bright red, and shoves me. "Shut up."

I start laughing. I can't help myself. "Holy shit. You've got a crush on the guy."

"I said shut up." Brice is good and mad now.

"You know, he might be coming to the ranch." I tell him casually. "You'd better mind your manners."

"Jesus fucking Christ." Brice growls.

"Calm down." I finally stop laughing, leaning over to kiss Brice's rough cheek. "You need a shave."

"Funny coming from you, hippie." He snaps, but there's not much temper behind it now.

Brice is a strange guy, I've come to realize. He's got a wild streak, always seems to be horny, grabbing at me at every opportunity. But he's got a big heart, too. He's fiercely loyal, passionate, works as hard as he plays.

I see him staring at Miranda sometimes, and I often wonder if it weren't for me, he'd try for her. She never seems interested, but I know Brice has his own kind of charm, and I'm sure he'd wear her down in time.

I've never said anything to Brice, but I know there will probably come a time when he'll want a wife and kids. A normal sort of life, one he'd never have with me. I suppose at that point I'd just move on. To what, I don't know.

But for the time being, Brice seems perfectly happy to be attached to me. I can't lie, it feels good to have that kind of companionship, even if it might be short-lived. I'll take it for as long as he's willing to provide it.

"You really think he'll end up here?" Brice's question breaks me out of my thoughts.

"Who the hell knows?" I respond. "Guy like that, his family will probably break speed records getting him and that horse back home."

Brice looks over at me, a sad look on his face. "Sucks not having a family."

I nod, surprised at Brice's words. He doesn't talk much about how he ended up here, just that he was looking for a summer job one year, and he never got around to going home. Sometimes he talks about a girl he knew back home, how they were going to get engaged as soon as they graduated from high school. He's never clear on why that never happened, though I have my suspicions.

Brice lets out a huff, tosses the magazine back into the box, shoves the box back under the bed. I guess if there was a chance I'd meet some famous guy I'd had a crush on forever, I'd be shaken up, too.

"Guess we'd better do one last round." Brice says, pushing himself to standing. "Better make damn sure that stallion doesn't get loose."

We head out to the barn in silence, the darkness and the cold surrounding us as we get to work getting the animals settled for the night. Brice immediately gravitates toward the stallion, taking special care with him.

"I think he's fine, Brice." I finally tell him.

"I just don't want anything to happen to him." Brice replies. "You have any idea how valuable he is?"

I have only an inkling, but I'm cold and tired and just want a hot shower and a warm bed. I start out of the barn, and soon hear Brice's footsteps behind me as he catches up. "You know, we've got the place to ourselves again tonight."

Now that's the Brice I know. "You got something in mind?"

He grins, grabbing my ass. "I always do."

Almost as soon as we get inside the bunkhouse, Brice wraps a hand around the back of my neck, pulling me down to him and planting a rough kiss on my lips, shoving his tongue into my mouth. I can feel his stubble scraping my face, one rough thumb brushing along my jaw.

Everything about Brice is rough, just as I like it. Maybe because it feels a little bit like punishment for being the way I am, I don't know. I just know that I want more of it.

He shoves me toward the nearest bed, and I drop as the back of my knees hit the mattress, Brice immediately straddling me, holding my wrists down, launching an all-out assault on my mouth before starting a trail down my throat.

I hear and feel every snap on my shirt let loose as Brice keeps working his way down, his hands sliding over my body, his mouth not far behind leaving wet kisses all the way down to my belt buckle. He pauses here, shifting so he's sitting up, still straddling me, his hand coming to rest on my belly. His expression is thoughtful, almost pensive. It's not like him at all.

"What's up, man?" I ask, arching upward slightly into his crotch.

Brice is uncharacteristically serious now, barely responding to my move. Finally his eyes meet mine, that expression still on his face. I can't help the sense of dread that washes over me, like maybe this is it, and he's ending things for whatever reason. Maybe he really has met some woman and wants a shot at something like a normal life after all.

"You ever been in love with anyone?" He asks, seemingly out of nowhere.

I think that what I feel for Brice is probably as close to love as I've ever allowed myself to feel. "Why are you asking?"

He leans over so that he's laying on my chest, staring at me. "Just wondering."

I take a deep breath. "What about you?"

"Oh sure. Lots of times." He's trying to sound casual, but he's failing.

I run my hand over his shaggy dark blond hair. Earl's going to get after him for a haircut soon. I want to push further, but dread hearing the answer. "Anyone recently?"

He nods at that, but his face doesn't change. It suddenly occurs to me that maybe he's struggling with this, too, despite the way he talks. "You can tell me. It's okay. It'll be just between you and me and these walls." I hope I sound encouraging.

Brice sighs loudly, reaching out to stroke my head. "Goddammit, you hippie freak. It's you. Been you for a long time."

A weight lifts off me, and I allow myself to feel something like joy. It's not a familiar feeling, and I have to take a little time to get acquainted with it. Brice scoots up closer and kisses me lightly, a little giggle escaping him. It sounds like he's lost a bit of emotional weight himself.

"How long have you been holding that in, man?" I ask him.

"Doesn't matter." He answers. "And you know what? I don't even care if you don't feel the same. I just wanna keep doing this."

I want to tell him what I feel, but something in me wants to hold back. Feelings are dangerous things. Feelings get your ass kicked, they get you disowned and alienated from the people who are always supposed to love you. They're not to be trusted.

But now, looking at Brice, this goofy guy who picked me up off the side of the road one day and has barely left my side since, I want to trust what I feel. I take in a deep breath and finally speak. "You don't think you're going to want a wife and kids someday?"

"Why would I want that?" Brice sounds annoyed at the idea.

"I don't know." I answer softly. "Maybe you'll get tired of this and want a normal life."

He snorts derisively. "Hell, if I wanted a normal life, I would have stayed in Great Falls."

The rest of that statement needs no explanation. Finally I tell him quietly, "I…I think maybe I feel like you do. It's been a long time. I don't really know what it's supposed to feel like."

"Aw hell, Jason." Brice's voice is ragged.

And I finally tell him more details, how every encounter with every guy I've ever been with has gone wrong, somehow. How I've had feelings that haven't been returned. I don't know why I'm suddenly telling him all this. I don't know if he really gets it.

He's shifted so that he's laying beside me as I talk, one leg over mine and an arm slung across my chest, and I start to relax, finally.

Something seems to occur to him. "You know what? We do have family. Right here. You and me. We'll be our own family."

I think of Jill and Earl and Miranda, how they've become something like family, too, and I mention them to Brice. He nods in agreement. "Yeah, them too. But I don't want to fuck them."

I let out a short laugh at that. Brice sure has a way with words.

He kisses me hard, and we pick right up where we left off. But it's different now, with the knowledge that this isn't just a physical thing anymore. And when we finally finish, worn out and tangled up with each other, I think that there's nowhere else I'd rather be than with this guy.