Rey heard a light commotion in her bathroom and opened her eyes. She stared up to the ceiling and was engulfed in darkness. She perched herself up on her elbow and sat up. She saw a stream of light coming from under the bathroom door.
She turned her head and glanced at the alarm clock next to her bed. She ran her hand on the spot on the sheets where he had been sleeping beside her. She ran her fingers down the large indent where Kylo had laid on his side of the bed. Rey scolded herself for designating a side of the bed to just Kylo.
It was 4 am. She wondered if this was the usual time that he left her. He wasn't there in the mornings. She didn't know when he left only that he was gone once she opened her eyes to the blaring 7:30 am alarm.
His was on the right side of the bed. That had been Armie's side previously. He rarely had hugged her though. Typically she'd wake up alone in the morning and find him asleep on the couch. Armie would make some exuse that he couldn't sleep with her snoring all night. Rey had never been told that she snored before so she thought it was a lame excuse.
Armie rarely pulled her in close to him. He'd turn his back to her and rest like that. Rey wasn't sure how long he would lay next to her before retreating to the couch. She never asked him. She always felt it was strange at the time that he didn't want to spend the whole night with her It made a lot more sense when Finn explained that Armie had been seeing Gwen Phasma.
Rey thought that not spending the whole night with her was his way of pulling away from way of cutting off intimacy even if he hadnt cut off sex entirely. Rey had'nt noticed it at the time as she thought that they were happy and without significantissuesin their relationship. For months before he passed away, he had'nt kissed Rey or held her hand. He had'nt snuggled with her after sex or stroke her hair.
Kylo did hold her tight and press himself against her but she rationalized that was his job Afterall. He never stayed the whole night with her either.
Sometimes Rey wasn't sure what was more heartbreaking, her own fiancée leaving her in the middle of the night or this practical stranger who she felt a strong pull towards abandoning her side in the middle of the night because he wouldn't go against his contract.
Every time she felt like Kylo may have feelings for her too she reminded herself that he wouldn't be there in the morning, which meant that he must see her like every other client.
She knew that he wouldn't have a designated side for much longer. He wouldn't be sleeping with her once he was no longer her cuddler.
The right side of the bed's sheets would no longer be warm from his body heat. They would feel cold and stiff, and Rey would feel lonely again.
The bed was small and the mattress was so worn down that Rey felt most of the springs grinding against her back when she laid flat on the twin bed.
She was surprised that Ben never complained but she reasoned that he most likely had a larger more comfortable bed at his place. That he only tolerated her shitty, uncomfortable bed because she paid him to. The first week they had tried sleeping on her pull out couch but that mattress was even thinner and Rey felt like she was sleeping on a sleeping bag inside a tent rather than in the comfort of her own place.
Rey heard the water running from the sink. She heard his footsteps of his bare feet on the ceramic tile.
The doorknob slowly turned and Rey crashed back onto her side and pulled up the covers tightly to cover herself up to her neck. She squeezed her eyes together tightly to make it seem like she was still asleep.
The bathroom door creaked open and Kylo walked out. Rey didn't dare to look at him.
She heard some rustling on the edge of her bed. She surmised that he must be getting dressed and ready to head out back to his own home. She wished that he could stay longer. Just a few hours longer.
She longed for the day that she would wake up in his arms and not alone. She told herself that was a silly dream that was just not reasonable of her to expect. Of course he wasn't going to stay the night. He had fulfilled his duties. He had lulled her to sleep in his arms.
She heard footsteps on her side of the bed and heard those footsteps stop right in front of her. She felt his breath, warm and tingly tickle her cheek and then she felt his lips, soft and wet on her forehead.
She blinked and her eyes flew open in surprise. He had kissed her before he left. Had he always done that, she questioned or was this the first time that he had done it?
She stared at Kylo's startled face, "Rey, you need to go back to sleep. I'm sorry for waking you. I tried my best not to startle you", he said in a hushed voice.
Rey took a deep breath, closed her eyes and breathed in his cologne and his shampoo. Even the scent of fabric softener on his clothes. She tried to hold on to that scent for as long as she could.
She blinked a few times and reached out her hand and grabbed his arm, "Stay with me through the night", she pleaded.
She wanted him there beside her to chase the nightmares away and to offer more forehead kisses.
Kylo took a step back and Rey lost her grip on his arm, her arm flopped on the side of he bed.
He sighed. "You know I can't do that Rey. Its not what we agreed to. We have a professional agreement. It's a signed contract. I cannot keep stepping out of those professional boundaries. I can't stay the entire night with you."
Rey choked back a sob before again reaching out for his arm and getting a tighter grip around his wrist.
"Lie to me..tell me you will stay. Just stay until I fall asleep but till me that you will stay all night. I want you to stroke my hair and kiss my forehead again while you tell me you will stay", she whispered into the darkness.
Kylo squeezed his eyes tightly while he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to her forehead again.
He shook his arm slightly and Rey released her grip on him. He then reached out and softly stroked back the stray hairs that had fallen on her forehead.
She could feel his eyes staring at her. She couldn't make out his expression bu she imagined that his eyes were stormy. She knew what he was about to say.
He was going to reject her request. He wouldn't lie to her again. Kylo was a lawyer, he was by the book and by the rules. He made the guidelines of his cuddler contract and Rey knew that the chances of him breaking those guidelines were slim to none.
The last time he had lied and told her that he loved her had filled her heart with joy even if it was for a fleeting moment of happiness.
She realized that he didn't love her and that he told her that because she had asked him to but a part of her still grasped to that hope that what he was saying was true, that he actually did love her.
"Rey, you know that wouldn't be right. Come on Rey you know that wouldn't be right. You will only be disappointed in the morning when you wake up expecting me to be there and I am gone. I don't want to give you false hope", he stated.
Rey started sobbing uncontrollably. The tears started flowing down her cheeks. She wiped fruitlessly at the tears that were rolling down her cheek with the back of her palm.
She let go of his arm and rolled onto her side and curled her body into a fetal position. She covered her head with her arms to try to block out her view of him.
"Ok then, just go then. Don't worry about tomorrow night. I am letting you out of your contract early", she chocked out between her sobs.
"Just go. Leave. ..Just Leave", she said quietly as she shut her yes tightly, trying to stop the flow of tears.
Kylo sat at the edge of the bed and reached out and his fingers brushed her lower bare back where her tank top had ridden up.
Rey jerked her back forward stiffened her posture upon his touch.
"Rey, is that what you really want?", he said gently.
She sniffed and wiped her tears with her hand again.
It wasn't what she wanted. Not at all. She wanted him to actually stay with her for the night. She didn't want him to leave her alone. She wanted him to actually want to stay the night and actually love her and not to lie about it.
She would take the lie over the heartache and loneliness though. The lie soothed her to sleep if only temporarily.
"I just wanted you to lie to me and tell me that you will stay the night. You..you lied to me before and told me that you love me what I asked you to say it..why can't you lie this time. Why is this time different?", Rey moaned.
She took a deep breath before answering.
"No, its not what I want but it doesn't matter what I want. You are just going to leave me anyways after pretending to care about me just like Armie did".
Rey heard Kylo's breath catch. "I am not him Rey. I don't want to lie to you. You don't deserve to be lied to only to pacify your feelings for a moment ".
Rey was surprised when he didn't ask her what Armie lied about. She thought that he just clearly delineated himself from Armie or just didn't want to ask..
He reached out and stroked her hair as she continued to cry with her arms wrapped around her folded up knees.
Rey could hear his breath steady and the thud of his sneakers as he kicked them off and they landed on their sides on the carpet.
Rey felt his body collapse back onto the bed. She felt the covers lift off of her ody and cover his and she once again felt warm in his embrace as he wrapped his arms and legs around her body.
Kylo signed and leaned in to kiss the back of her head before his head thudded bac onto the pillow beside her.
"Alright, I will stay with you Rey", he conceded.
Rey knew in her heart that his embrace was temporary. That he was playing along with her request so that she went back to sleep.
She could imagine though, imagine that he would stay the entire night and that calmed er down. Her sobs eventually shifted to calm breaths. Her eyes felt heavier again and she closed her eyes.
Kylo felt like her security blanket. She eventually just focused on getting back to sleep and let the darkness envelope her.
When Rey opened her eyes to the Sunshine pouring through her blinds, she opened her eyes and blinked a few times. She thought she caught a glimpse of a pale arm draped over her chest. She thought that she must be still dreaming, she must still be asleep.
She shifted her body and moved against a solid, chest. She felt body hear radiating against her back.
She felt his breath on the shell of her ear and felt his chest rising with every breath that he took.
Kylo was still there, asleep in her bed with his arms wrapped firmly around her body.
He had kept his word and had stayed the night with her.
Rey inhaled deeply, glanced at the alarm clock, seeing it was 7 am and closed her eyes once again. She wasn't going to let this opportunity pass her by. She wiggled her body and angled her body lower into his arms. She was going to enjoy every last minute in his arms as it maybe the last time that she would ever get to experience it.