Rey knew that attending the wedding of the man that she was in love with but who was marrying another woman was a bad idea.
Rey thought of the action as her way to let go of her past.
A lot had occurred in the three months that had passed since Ben showed up at Maz's cantina and he had pulled her into the back office to beg her to forgive him.
First and foremost, she realized that she couldn't forgive him, but she could busy herself with other things and people in order to forget him.
She had started to go out more. She had reached out to friends from high school and a few classmates from the community college and asked if the wanted to grab coffee with her or hang out.
Her social calendar had never been much fuller. She joined a local gym that had a $10 a month sign up promotion. She took kickboxing aerobics classes at the gym.
Keeping busy kept her from mourning the loss of the connection that she had with Ben. Her days were filled with activities and her nights were filled with communicating with friends both old and new.
She reached out to Finn and struck up a friendship with him. They'd hang out at each other's apartments. They'd go and get coffee before her classes when he was in town. He'd sometimes join her at the gym to work out. He made her feel safe and she was comfortable with telling him everything about herself.
Finn even knew about Ben. Or at least the information that Rey wanted him to know. The basic gist of the situation she explained to him was that her life was a tale of girl meets boy and boy falls in love with another girl when girl confesses her love for boy. Girl told boy that she never wanted to see or hear from him again. The end.
She had left out the part about boy tracks down girl at work and begs for her forgiveness. That part of her tale wasn't relevant because she couldn't forgive him.
Finn knew that she had a massive crush on Ben, but Ben was at a different stage in his life then she was and wanted to settle down and get married. She told him that his parents encouraged the union. She didn't mention her confession of her love for him, she didn't want to be more humiliated then she already felt.
Finn didn't say much about Ben after she confessed that she was hurt by him. At the time, he just gave her a warm, embrace with his arms wrapped tightly around her. He told Rey that she had nothing to be embarrassed about. He emphasized that missing out on the opportunity to be with someone as wonderful as Rey, was his loss.
Then Rey didn't bring up Ben's name again in Finn's presence and Finn didn't ask bout him.
She'd sometimes spend her nights talking to Finn before she went to bed. His voice lulled her to sleep. They wouldn't even talk about anything significant. They would tell each other about what happened during their days.
In the three months that had passed, Rey picked up extra hours at work had saved up enough by working at Maz's Cantina to put a deposit down on an apartment and moved in with one of her friends that she had met in her international finance class in college, Rose Tico.
Rose also planned to transfer to Osseriton University. With Finn also attending the school, Rey was excited to transfer there in the fall. She'd have a support system.
Rey even contacted Kaydel. She didn't mention what had transpired between Ben and herself. As far as she knew, Kaydel had no idea about Rey's feelings for Ben being anything other going beyond platonic.
Rey did think that Kaydel acted a little bit strange on the phone when she called her. They had a normal conversation at first. Kaydel asked about how school was going for Rey and they both spoke about their experiences with their classes and professors. Kaydel told Rey all about a guy that she was dating and asked Rey if she was dating anyone.
"Sort of", Rey replied. She couldn't exactly pinpoint what type of relationship her and Finn had. Since he was a few hours away at school, she didn't get to see him that often. She would only label them friends at that point.
Rey thought he was a sweet guy and she thought something could progress beyond friendship if given the chance.
"Does Ben know about this guy, Finn?" Kaydel questioned Rey.
"No..he doesn't. Why would he care anyways? He has no say over who I date. ", Rey responded.
"Umm, no reason. He just mentioned a few months ago that he had never noticed that you went out on dates with anyone and he didn't understand why not", Kaydel explained.
Rey shook her head. Thinking to herself, 'Well now he knows why. She had been holding out the stupid hope that he would want to date her. Saving her time and energy for him. Saving her virginity for him even.'
No reason to hold out any longer. They were never going to happen. He was in love with someone else. Marrying someone else. Rey thought, he just thinks of me as an annoying little sister that he needs to protect from the big bad wolves in the forest of life. Rey didn't need to be protected. Rey didn't need him anymore.
"Well tell him not to worry. I definitely will have plenty of opportunities to date, especially when I transfer schools. I'll see Finn more often", Rey responded.
Kaydel laughed into the phone, "Rey you can tell him yourself. I am sure he'll want to meet Finn. He's always been protective of you Rey. He'll want to make sure that he's a nice guy. I gotta go but we'll catch up soon".
Rey rolled her eyes at Kaydel's declaration that Ben was protective.
Protective wasn't the word that came to her mind when she thought back about what he had said to her in Maz's office when she told him that she wanted to be alone and he had stated, "It didn't look like you were alone when I came in" because he had seen her talking to Finn.
He had no right to speak to her like that, she didn't belong to him. She was her own woman and could talk to whomever she damn well pleased.
When Maz handed Rey an envelope addressed to her that had arrived in the mail to the Cantina, Rey instantly knew what it was and attempted to throw it in the trash. Maz grabbed it from her hands.
"Why are you throwing that card in the trash bin?", Maz asked as Rey's hand was outstretched, the fancy, heavy envelope that was embossed with flowers was in between two fingers, hanging precariously over the trash.
"Its trash", Rey replied and tossed it in.
Maz retrieved it from the trash and slit the envelope open with the tip of her fingernail.
She delicately pulled the heavy cardstock paper out of the envelope and held the card up to the light. She squinted at the fancy lettering and took a deep sigh.
"Darling girl, I know that you don't want to talk about 'he who shall not be named' right now but it appears that he's invited you to his wedding that's next month.", she said.
"Or Bazine invited me because she wants to rub it my face that she's marrying my prince charming", she noted, her voice tinged with annoyance.
"Why would she do something like that?", Maz asked.
"Bazine was in school with me when I first went to live with the Solo's. She would tease me endlessly about every little thing. She picked me apart from the way I dressed, the way I wore my hair to the way I would write in cursive. She was an absolute banshee to me. One day she grabbed my phone from my hand as I was talking to Kaydel and showing her a picture of a new dress that I had just bought", Rey explained.
Rey shook her head in frustration and shook with rage at the thought of what Bazine had done to her. "She then started scrolling through my pictures. Told me my fashion choices were horrendous. She then must have seen a selfie pic I took with Ben because she started to squeal. She asked if that was my boyfriend. She kept looking at Kaydel and then back to me. She knew exactly who Ben was. She was just trying to test me", Rey blurted out.
"Why prey tell would she do that?", Maz stated.
Rey rubbed her temples, trying to massage her head as he felt a massive headache coming on.
"She sat behind me in my chemistry class. She saw on a notebook I had drawn a heart and written his name and my name in it. She couldn't let that go. I realize now that it was juvenile of me to do that but at the time it seemed perfectly normal to write his name with mine. She didn't say anything in front of Kaydel but she knew about my crush on him. She used it against me."
Maz bit her lip as if she was afraid to ask .
Rey shifted her glance down to the ground. "Lets just say that she was untouchable and could get away with any shit she did..smoking pot outside in the courtyard, making out with the substitute teachers in their classrooms. Heaven forbid the perfect angel Bazine would ever do anything wrong.".
Rey took a deep breath and paused before continuing her rant, " I on the other hand couldn't afford people to know about my feelings for Ben and risk being kicked out yet another house. So it wouldn't surprise me if she was the one who sent the invitation. Rubbing in my face that she now has the one person that I wanted to be mine."
Rey ran her fingers over the invitation and stared down at it. Closure, she thought. Going to that wedding will give her closure for a romantic relationship with Ben that was not obtained and would never be obtained.
Rey pulled out a pen from her purse and circled the 'yes', attending' option on the rsvp card insert and added it into the envelope with the return address of Bazine's parents. Rey smiled to herself.
Four weeks later, Rey was trying to talk herself out of walking into the church. In her head she pictured putting on a brave face and marching into the church, sitting in a pew and scowling at Bazine as she walked down the aisle towards Ben.
She had almost talked herself out of coming but Finn had convinced her to come. He told her that she owed herself that moment so that she could move on with her life.
It was the end of a chapter in her life that had dragged on for far too long.
Ben had left several voicemails begging her to be there. He said that he wanted her to be there, he wanted to see her. That it meant a lot to him for her to be there for this special moment for him.
She was running up the concrete steps of the chapel a half an hour before the ceremony when she heard Ben's voice calling for her.
"Rey,I'm so glad you came", he said as he pulled her body close to his, his arms enveloping her.
Rey thought he looked the most handsome that she had ever seen him look. He looked regal in his tux. His shoulder length hair was slicked back behind his ears.
He had pulled into him so quickly that she realized that she had forgotten to breathe. All she could feel was the steady rhythm of his breathing as her head laid on his chest. He felt so warm, like there was an inferno boiling beneath his skin. He smelled so good like musk and sandalwood. She breathed the scent of him deeply.
She never wanted to let him go, she wanted to stay in his arms.
Reality hit when she heard someone coughing behind them. She saw an elderly man walking past them into the church.
She pulled apart from Ben at that moment. Her cheeks were flushed and she felt a tinge of embarrassment as she realized she had drooled on his crisp white shirt.
"I'm so sorry Ben. I've messed up your shirt. ", she told him.
Ben looked at her with a half lidded gaze as he led her into the entranceway of the church. "It will dry, don't worry about it", he reassured her.
Rey looked around and realized that almost everyone had already sat down and she was standing alone with Ben by the entranceway.
"You look great, Ben. Really great", she gushed and then not sure what else to do she leaned into him and brushed her lips over the stubble on his cheek.
His stubble felt rough but reassuring over her lips and in a split second he turned his face so that his lips touched hers for only a moment before she realized what he had done and turned her face away.
He had kissed her..on his wedding day. In clear view of all of the guests. Anyone could have seen them in eachothers arms right before hes supposed to stand there on the alter and pledge his love and devotion to someone else.
He placed his right hand down the small of her back and leaned close to her ear, his lips brushing past the hair that was tucked behind her ear.
"I love you Rey, please know that I do love you", he whispered.
It was with those words that Rey realized she couldn't do it. She couldn't watch him marry another woman. After he kissed her, after he told her that he loved her. It was all too much.
A tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek before more followed.
Rey turned away from him and started walking away from him.
She didn't look back at him to see his reaction.
She kept running away. Down the church steps. Across the street into the parking lot.
Leaving him there in the door way. Hearing him call her name faintly in the distance as she got back into her car and shut the door.
Rey sat there on her car, staring out the window not sure of what to do. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She heard the blood rushing to her head.
She touched her lips with her forefinger. His lips had felt soft and warm. They felt like they were burning.
She watched him being pulled back into the chapel by his mother right before she pulled away from the parking lot.