A Christmas Fantasy

(Just so you know, if spellcheck didn't find it, it didn't get corrected)

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"Kate! We…Whoa. This ain't your house, but it looks awful familiar," Kid Curry exclaimed as he and his partner Hannibal Heyes found themselves standing in the two-room cabin with a warm fire burning in the fireplace and the smell of gingerbread emanating from the stove.

"Is this…Clarence Boles' cabin?" Heyes asked.

Kate nodded gleefully. "Yes! It is! I decided to write myself into a Christmas story with the two of you!"

"How?" Kid asked.

"Using my keyboard, of course."

Heyes and Kid looked at each other, confusion written all over their faces.

"Kate, a keyboard is what cheap hotels use to peg the room keys on the wall," Heyes told her.

"In your time that may be true," Kate replied as she almost danced to the large table in the room and made a sweeping gesture toward her laptop. "But in my time, this is a keyboard and you've both seen me writing on this at least a hundred times."

"Okay," Kid said slowly. "Then our next question is, and I don't need to be rude but…why?"

Feeling increasingly deflated by the outlaw's lack of enthusiasm regarding her presence, Kate's shoulders slumped, and her look of elation was quickly replaced with profound disappointment. "I thought we could spend Christmas together," she said flatly.

The two outlaws again exchanged a communications glance.

"Kate," Heyes said with a hint of trepidation. "Does Clarence know you squatted on his property?"

"What a disgusting thing to say!" Kate exclaimed. "Those are raccoon droppings, and I haven't had a chance to clean them up the place yet."

"I didn't mean it that way," Heyes quickly replied. "I mean, does Clarence know we're using his cabin? The last time we were here, he was pretty adamant about clearing the place out."

Kate's hands went to her hips. "Heyes, I can clear the place out in a single sentence. Clarence and I decided he should make a pilgrimage to a warmer climate for the winter, or at least for a few days."

"He decided that, or did you?" Kid asked.

"Does it matter?" Kate asked sternly.

"I suppose not," Kid reluctantly replied. "But no panning for gold on his property. That would be just plain stealin' being as we ain't got his permission."

"I can get his permission if you want it," Kate said as he tilted her head and fluttered her eyes at the keyboard.

"No!" Heyes blurted. "It's too cold to be playing in the river anyway and, we both know how easily the Kid got sick the last time he was here."

"You two don't want to be here, do you?" Kate asked, her voice cracking with emotion. "You don't want to spend Christmas with me, do you?"

"Of course we do," they replied in unison.

"But… we had other plans. I mean, we've had a busy month of Christmas what with the Advent Calander and all," Heyes explained.

"Too busy to spend pone day with me?" Kate asked with an astonished look on her face.

"It's just that…Well ten minutes ago we was at a Fourth of July celebration in Arizona," Kid explained.

"I guess time has a way of flying, doesn't it?" Kate replied optimistically. "Honestly, your attitude has changed the entire feel to this story. Who wants to spend Christmas with people who resent your efforts? That's like spending Christmas with… with… with family!"

"Now Kate, it's not that we don't want to spend Christmas with you. You know we love spending time with you," Heyes quickly replied.

"I don't know as I'd go that far, Heyes. I mean she does hurt me a lot when we're together," Kid interjected.

With cheek muscles twitching, Heyes gave Kid a warning glance.

"Kate, we do love spending time with you, but the fact is, this comes as a complete surprise to us and we haven't had a chance to buy you anything," Heyes said apologetically.

Kate smiled. "Not a problem. Not a problem. I'll show you how to conjure something up with just you imagination and the laptop. Just remember to have it wrapped in Christmas paper, so I don't know what it is until I open it."

"Christmas paper?" Kid asked.

"I'll show you how to do that on the computer, too," Kate promised.

Kate sat down at the table and cracked her knuckles before letting her fingers fly across the keyboard. Suddenly there was hot coffee brewing on the stove and a stack of dry wood next to the fireplace. A freshly cut pine tree decorated with strands of popcorn and red-plaid bows and carefully clipped candles appeared next to the window.

"See, it's almost like magic," she exclaimed. "Now, what would you like for Christmas dinner?"

"Anything but eggnog," Heyes replied, suspecting Kate had already been dipping into that punchbowl somewhere.

"Roasted turkey sounds good," Kid said, his mood suddenly lifted by the thought of a Christmas feast. "And mashed potatoes, gravy, cooked carrots, a mincemeat pie, hard apple cider…."

"Heyes, anything to your liking?" Kate asked.

"Maybe roast duck and… my Ma used to make plum pudding."

Kid's face cringed with disgust. "You actually like plum pudding?" he asked.

"My family's from England so, … alright, I'll admit it is an acquired taste but yes, I do like it."

As Kate typed each item the two outlaws requested, they miraculously appeared on the table. "Oh, and a linen tablecloth and fine China plates and Sterling silver utensils," she added.

"Maybe you should bring Clarence back. I mean, that's a lot of food for just three people," Heyes told her.

Kate ignored his remark and gazed proudly at the feast she'd prepared, or rather, created. "Let's add a little snow outside for a real feeling of Christmas."

Kate picked up her computer and moved it to the counter near the sink. She then typed in detailed descriptions of several boxed presents that suddenly appeared under the tree.

"Okay, you two come over and I'll show you how to put in a couple of presents for me. I only have battery use and it's at fifty percent power so don't take too long. If the battery runs dead, we're stuck here for all eternity."

"Don't you mean you're stuck here for all eternity?" Kid asked. "Remember, Heyes and me ain't the ones doing the century hoppin.'"

Kate ignored that cold, hard truth as well. "As soon as you're done shopping online, I'll shut off the computer to save enough power to write me home again. Then we'll eat before the food gets cold and open presents later."

Heyes sat down at the computer and, with Kid peering over his partner's shoulder Kate directed him to Amazon. "Keep in mind I don't want anything made outside of the US," she told them.

"It's 1888. Everything in the Sears catalog is made in the US," Heyes mumbled.

After twenty minutes they still had nothing in their cart and had not mastered the art of searching, and all three were growing cranky and impatient. Kid reached over Heyes' shoulder to point to some item and made the mistake of touching the screen which immediately changed to a large picture of a foot warmer. Heyes nodded and clicked on the mouse just as Kate had shown him to do.

"Kate, it says there's no such address for this cabin."

What are you talking about?"

"I wrote in the directions to get to this cabin, and it says, "invalid address."

Kate studied the instruction on the screen. Take the road west out of Wilksburg. At the first fork in the road turn north. Go about twenty miles and turn west into Cottonwood Forest…."

Kate stopped reading and sighed. "You know what? I don't need a present. Spending the holiday with the two of you is my present," she said as she took the mouse and quickly shut down the computer. "Let's just eat whole the food is hot," Kate said, then remembered she had not specified that the food was hot so again typed a few shot words on the computer.

The three sat down at the table and stared at the steam rising from every bowl and platter of food and forming a hot, damp cloud of steam above their heads.

"Oh dear," Kate groaned. "I didn't add that the food would slowly cool to an edible temperature."

Three sets of eyes turned to the closed laptop. "And I don't dare turn the laptop back on until I'm ready to send myself home," she admitted sheepishly.

"That's alright Kate. We're pretty full of apple pie and caramel apples from the Fourth of July story," Kid said while gazing longingly at the roast turkey.

"Why don't we just open presents," Heyes suggested.

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"One for each of you," Kate said and handed them each a rectangular box with red and white paper.

Kid had his present open first and wrinkles formed on his brow as he lifted a pair of dusty rose long johns from the box.

"To help keep you warm in the winter!" Kate exclaimed.

Kid smiled half-heartedly, then looked curiously at the label. "What or who is Polyester?"

Kate had no idea how to explain a synthetic fabric so she quickly offered what she thought would be a more plausible explanation. "That's the name of the designer. Poly Ester."

"A woman designs men's underclothing?" Kid asked.

"David Hough Jr. brought the hoopskirt to the United Stated in 1846," Kate said defiantly.

Kid's smile turned wicked. "You suppose Poly Ester might be in need of a male model?"

"I'm sure we'll both get a lot of use out of these. "Thank you," Heyes said, trying to keep the festivities on a higher level. "And we have two presents for you," he added and handed Kate a heavy but somewhat flimsy package. "Here's the first one."

"This feels like a book," Kate announced and eagerly tore away the wrapping, then stared at the book, dumbfounded. "Creative Writing For…Dummies? You think I'm a bad writer?"

"Lemme see that!" Heyes exclaimed and grabbed the book from Kate's hands. "That's not what I asked for. I simply wrote 'ideas for a writer,' I swear!"

"Look at the bright side, Kate," Kid interjected. "Maybe it has more than two story themes. I mean there is a limit to hurt and angst. Didn't you tell me once Heyes, that there's really only seven or nine basic story ideas?"

"You do think I'm a bad writer," Kate growled at the dark-haired outlaw.

"No! No, we don't!" Heyes quickly replied.

"You're no worse than any of them other writers," Kid added.

Kate stared open-mouthed at the sometimes-irresistible outlaw who, at the moment, was anything but irresistible.

"Kate, you're all good and I mean that sincerely. Every one of you gets an "A" for effort," Kid told her.

"And if it weren't for you writers, where would Kid and me be right now?" Heyes added.

"You both be rolled up in a film tin in a California storage locker," Kate told them.

Despite having no idea what Kate was now talking about, Heyes forged on. "See, we do appreciate you, and all the other writers. If it weren't for you, we'd be stuck in a… film…tin," he said, giving Kid an 'I don't know what she's talking about,' shrug of his shoulders.

Kate uttered a heavy sigh. "This isn't the Christmas I had envisioned," she moaned. "The food's too hot to eat. There's raccoon poop in the corner. You would both rather be in the hot Arizona sun feasting on apple pie and caramel apples and, even with all these decorations, there's just no festive feel to the holiday."

Heyes reached over and took Kate's hand. "So, what would give the day a festive feel?" he asked empathetically.

"I don't. I think all the hustle and bustle and planning just sort of sets the day up for a letdown."

"Maybe we all tend to put too much emphasis on the wrong things," Kid said. "Maybe keeping it simple embraces the true meaning of Christmas."

Kate's eyes locked with the black eyes of the dark-haired outlaw.

"He never ceases to amaze me," Kate said softly.

Kid laughed. "I can't take no philosophical credit. You're the one that puts the words in my mouth."

Kate chuckled. "No, that's not quite right. I'm the one that puts the words on paper, so to speak. But I hear you say them before I write them down. I think that's true of all the writers."

"Then how's this for creating that holiday feeling," Kid said, then cleared his throat before speaking. "Merry Christmas to all the writers, all the would-be writers, and all the readers. Heyes and me appreciate all the loving attention you give us. If it weren't for all of you, where would we be right now?"

Kate and Heyes smiled as they spoke in unison.

"In a film tin."

"What exactly is that?" Kid asked.

"Ask the alter-egos," Kate replied.

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Merry Christmas to all the AS fans!