Worms May Cry
Adjustment – Chapter 2.5: Can't Stop and I'll Never Hit the Breaks
[Dante]
The Legendary Devil Hunter was quite pleased with the feast that had been placed before him. Namely, the extra-large pizzas with all the toppings on it but olives. He was already a quarter of the way through his second one when Space Tunneler spoke up.
"So, Dante, or do you prefer Wacky Woohoo Pizza Man?" The cape tried to clarify, earning a snort of amusement from the demon slayer.
Taking a quick moment to swallow the pizza in his mouth, Dante replied, "You can just call me Dante. I'm not that picky on what people want to refer to me as. Now, as you were saying?" The red-clad man then shoved another piece of pizza into his mouth and looked at the pair of capes expectantly.
"Okay, Dante. We've got a few questions about everything that happened back with the monster." Space Tunneler then tapped the side of his mask by the ear, "And mine and Hollow-Fist's bosses are also listening in on this since they're also interested in hearing. Is that fine with you?"
"Not at all. You supplied the food, and I really don't care who listens in." Dante confirmed. Though, he had noticed that this pizzeria was quite empty, with only the nervous staff of two civilians hiding in the backroom, as if expecting something dangerous to happen.
Hollow-Fist gave a chuckle at this before he spoke up, "That monster, Judecca, claimed to be millennia old. Alongside this, he said something about a person named Sparda that was a traitor and is your father." The cape summarized before asking, "What is going on since everything that's been happening for the past few days, from Elkins to here, has been a massive mystery that you seem to be at the heart of?"
Dante took a moment to consider the question before he swallowed his food and looked between the two masked men. "So, how much do you guys enjoy history lessons?"
"Not much. Why do you ask?" Space Tunneler replied.
"Well, we're going to dive into really ancient history. But to start, we have to do a little bit of strange geography." As the demon slayer said this, he reached over to where the basket of toppings on the table was before pulling out a few. Then, he uncorked a bottle of ketchup and squirted it onto the empty section of the pizza tray.
Following that, he uncorked the mustard bottle and squirted out some next to the ketchup so that it was touching. "Basic cosmology, imagine that the ketchup is the Underworld. It's where demons come from, and is a chaotic place that is always in flux." He then sprinkled out salt, pepper, and even a few small toppings from his pizza into the ketchup.
"Then, imagine that all of those little additions in the ketchup are universes within the Underworld. Some are large, some are small, some of these little universes might get consumed by the bigger universes and yadda yadda." Then, Dante pointed to the mustard right next to the toppings-filled ketchup, "Now, imagine that the mustard is the human world. It's pretty calm and stable, all things considered. It used to be that the human world and the Underworld were both easily accessible to one another."
Dante did find it interesting how easily that the two heroes were taking the idea of alternate dimensions in stride. Probably came with the territory of living in a world of superheroes with strange stuff constantly happening. Dante continued on, "Anyway, demons of all kinds would come and go between the two, though humans wouldn't." That got a cocked head from Space Tunneler.
"Why wouldn't humans do so?" Space Tunneler asked.
Dante gave a wry smirk at this, "Because most humans wouldn't be able to survive a minute in the Underworld. Laws of reality are more like recommendations there. One minute, you're standing in 100-degree weather, the next will be below freezing. There isn't any air that a human could breathe unless you luck upon one pocket of the Underworld that has it. And demons of all kinds call it home, and more specifically, most would see any human in sight as little more than a meal."
Hollow-Fist rubbed the back of his neck, possibly in nervousness. He asked, "And is there some specific reason that they see humans as food? Or why we're seeing these…demons now?" The superhero questioned while being slightly hesitant to use demon to explain these monsters.
"For the first question, just like a delicious slice of pizza, under the cheesy goodness of a slice's top layer, there's also the delectable tomato sauce underneath it all." Dante said in metaphor before eating a slice of said pizza.
"Blood?"
"Bingo." Dante replied while pointing his half-eaten slice to Hollow-Fist. "See, the only reason that demons would stop by the human realm for a visit is so that they could get a bloody pick-me-up. Human blood is like steroids to demons, and they get stronger extremely quickly by consuming it. So, you can imagine for a race where it's survival of the fittest, they're gonna home in on the walking blood bags of power."
Space Tunneler seemed to tap his fingers near his ear for a moment, then he looked back to Dante, "Okay, so where does that leave us with this mess of toppings and why we haven't seen these creatures before?"
"Moving on," Dante said with a nod, "millennia ago, the combined Underworld and human world was ruled by a demon named Mundus; major asshat with a god-complex. This was until another prick named Argosax challenged him. Long story short, the fight ended in a tie, splitting the human world as Argosax's territory and the Underworld as Mundus'. Old Mundy didn't exactly like that he couldn't have an all-you-can-eat human buffet whenever he wanted, and he built up an army to try to invade and conquer the human world for round two.
What he didn't expect was for his right-hand man, a demon named Sparda, to awaken a sense of righteousness and stand against him to protect humanity. Sparda fought all of Mundus' armies by himself before taking on Mundus after that, defeating him, then sealing him away. Following this," Dante pulled out the mozzarella shaker and created a line of cheese splitting the ketchup and mustard.
"Sparda used his power to seal the human and demon worlds apart. Most demons saw Sparda as a traitor who deserved to suffer. Good ol' dad didn't bother with their opinions since he cared more about being morally right than being popular. After that, he worked to seal Argosax away, then lived among humanity as a protector until he disappeared from the spotlight."
"Wait, are you saying that you're millennia old?!" Hollow-Fist half-exclaimed and half-asked.
Dante gave that observation a quired brow, "I'm 43. Now, before we got off-track, I was saying," the red-clad man then pointed to the line of mozzarella, "while dad's barrier is extremely strong, there can be some tiny holes in it, large enough to let the small-fry demons through, but usually too small to let the bigger ones out, at a point."
"And that point would be?" Hollow-Fist questioned.
"If a large enough gap appears in the barrier or something creates a portal, usually from the side of the human world, to bridge the two. Those Qliphoth roots I've been blowing up can be imagined as little tunnels growing from the human world into the Underworld. Leave them around long enough, and they'll get large enough to let the bigger demons through." Saying this, Dante quickly finished the rest of his pizza and began working on the second tray of pizza.
"Where did these Qliphoth roots even come from? What is a Qliphoth?" Space Tunneler asked.
Dante felt hesitant to give the full answer to that question. He didn't feel like throwing his twin under the proverbial bus by explaining the whole Urizen situation, and there was definitely not enough pizza to bribe him to do so. Simplest explanations were for the best. "A wannabe demon king tried to grow a Qliphoth tree, which is a demonic tree made from harvesting a lot of human blood, to empower himself. Took him down, and I'm now just trying to clean up the remaining mess."
Space Tunneler put his hand to his ear once again, being relayed more questions to ask, most likely. Upon putting his hand down, the spotted hero asked, "How does one create a Qliphoth tree? And what is the range that it can spread?"
The red-clad man could only shrug. Vergil was more knowledgeable on this specific demonic lore. Dante just cared enough to know about what he was trying to beat into the ground at any specific moment. "No idea on how it's made. And as for range? Beats me. Just know that it's big."
Another reach for the hidden earpiece, and Dante could tell that the handlers were asking another question again, "Two of the monsters you fought ended up turning into weapons. Why is that? Can all of these creatures do this?"
Shaking his head, the demon slayer replied, "Nah. Demons that have a bit of power to them can transform into devil arms if they are slain or submit to their opponent. Part of it can be seen as a respect of sorts, but the other part is because some of these demons can reconstitute themselves to their original form after recovering enough of their power. From there, they can challenge their wielder to fight again to see if they're strong enough to continue submitting to."
Dante thought he could choke of surprise come from the spotted hero. Hollow-Fist appeared to recover first by quickly asking, "Are you saying that all of those weapons you have could turn back into monsters at any time?!"
Thinking about it, Dante held his hand in front of himself and gave it a little wobble. "Some of them can. Though, I'm not exactly worried since I'll just give 'em another ass-kicking to remind them of who's boss."
But as he continued to watch the two react to his answers, and while the demon slayer appreciated that these guys had been kind enough to supply him pizza, Dante could also tell that they'd soon be asking him questions that he'd be uncomfortable with answering, and way too lazy to try to come up with an answer for. So, that led Dante to use a burst of demonic speed and quickly eat the rest of the pizza before himself.
"Now, while I'm thankful for the free food, it's about time I get back to work." He pushed himself from the table and stood up, "Demons don't kill themselves, after all." At least, most of them don't. Dante said the rest to himself.
Not giving the pair any time to ask him something further, Dante had already exited the pizzeria and summoned Cavaliere to make a quick getaway.
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Topic: Wacky Woohoo's Escapades
In: Boards News Events America
PrettyH!ghf0r FlyGuy (Original Poster) (Drone Enthusiast) (Average Joe)
Posted on March 17th, 2011:
[Video]
Guys! I managed to get some footage from WWPM's fight today when he fought the snow monsters! Picked it all up on my drone when it happened a few blocks from my apartment. Had absolutely no idea that he'd actually show up here for it!
(Showing page 5 of 20)
G mJamTam (Member) (Metalhead)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
YOU CANNOT KILL ME! I AM OMEGA!
SlippyDew (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
YOU CANNOT KILL ME! I AM SUBHUMAN!
R0cketRoll (Member) (Loves Heavy Metal)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
Guys, I've been scouring everywhere for that song! Know where I can find it?
SandShovelers (Making Sandcastles)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
can't find it either. i think that WWPM has the power to spontaneously create music or something
MassGuesserer (Power Speculator) (Usually Right)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
I actually think you're onto something with that. The two times that song began playing, it happened in response to one of the monsters he hit impacting a car. If that's the case, I really have no idea on where to classify that power. Like, it could be a tinker power, a master power in combination with a tinker power, a striker power since something he hit had to hit one of the cars. I'm a bit lost.
It also doesn't help that the guy keeps pulling powers out of his ass with each fight. It's making the power speculation thread on this guy go wild since we can't really point anything down.
MrFist (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
Imagine if the only power this guy actually had over some technology was to make it blast out heavy metal.
MassGuesserer (Power Speculator) (Usually Right)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
That would be insane if that's the case. I think the guy has control over tech and is just making it appear like it's nothing. Guy might be able to transmit secret codes or something over radio.
T1metoT (Veteran Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
Not the only ridiculous power some capes have had before. Though, I wonder if another power of his is to instantly master any weapon he's given? WWPM was giving Olympic skaters a run for their money with how he moved.
MassGuesserer (Power Speculator) (Usually Right)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
Yeah. It's been added to the list.
R0cketRoll (Member) (Loves Heavy Metal)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
Think he'd ever be willing to release the full version of that song if he was asked?
MassGuesserer (Power Speculator) (Usually Right)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
Maybe? Good luck trying to reach out to talk with the guy since he's constantly moving.
3ndtimesBy40 (Truthseer) (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
Was no one else concerned by the giant scary monster somehow knowing WWPM? The monster even claimed that it had been here millennia ago. And it called WWPM's dad a race traitor named Sparda.
D1dntFlee (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
The more we find out about Dante, the more concerning it gets. Like, if that monster is actually a demon, like B for Bible demon, then that'd make the guy half-demon. I still don't believe that the who demon thing is actually real, especially because it could just be an insane group of capes and biotinkers doing stuff.
But shouldn't we worry about if Dante is juiced up like all those other monsters and goes bloodthirsty like all the other monsters we've seen so far?
1r0nRobot (Sailer of Ships) (Veteran Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
You doomsayers should stick to the conspiracy thread with that. Dante's a hero that's been saving people. He could have left that family to die if he wasn't.
D1dntFlee (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
You're biased. You think he's hot.
1r0nRobot (Sailer of Ships) (Veteran Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
He may be hot, but his actions have shown that he's trying to help people.
D1dntFlee (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
Don't come crying to me when it turns out that I'm right and he's actually a bad guy.
End of Page. 1… 3, 4, 5, 6, 7… 20
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Topic: Evil Tree Sightings
In: Boards News Events America
CrisCros (Original Poster) (Member)
Posted on March 17th, 2011:
Hey, guys. I've been watching the stuff with the Wacky Woohoo Pizza Man, and I'm pretty concerned. I saw that in those news reports, he blew up those weird black plants with the red boil things on them.
I'm concerned since I live in a pretty rural place, so I was walking in the woods earlier today and saw this off in the distance.
[Photo]
What should I do?
(Showing page 1 of 39)
Pizz Swag (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
Holy shit, bro! You need to tell the cops and PRT immediately!
DiggeryD00 (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
I agree with the first guy! Tell the authorities immediately. Monsters might start coming out of it.
CCTVPVP (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
You're not the only one! I was wondering if a thread like this might pop up, especially because I saw this yesterday.
[Video]
RaR Rasput1n (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
was that a bunch of giant lizards I saw in that vid
(Member) (Enlightened)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
All of this is getting scary. You think that it's a weird coincidence that WWPM and these weird biotinker plants are showing up around the same time? What if it's something like some firefighters or capes have done before? Start a problem, show up and save the day, then profit off the success and fame?
g1gist13iggest (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
prt has to take wwpm in and really interrogate him! he knows way to much to just let him free and one of those monsters said it knew him which is to suspicious and he needs an actual interrogation instead of being fed pizza guys we didn't even get to find out what he got asked about since we don't have a recording of it which maybe means that the prt are in on it as well
Pizz Swag (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
Dude, there's a thing called commas and periods. Use them since that run-on sentence was terrible to read through. Besides, that theory is getting way too insane for everything that's happening right now.
We've already got enough issues with trying to agree if demons are real or not without adding a government conspiracy on top of that.
Tin_Mother (Administrator) (Verified Cape)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
Any of you that are seeing appearances of these black roots, please PM me details about where it was spotted or alert your local authorities so that it may be looked into.
Thank you.
I will be sure to pin this to the top of the post, along with other posts of this nature in the future.
CCTVPVP (Member)
Replied On March 17th 2011:
Oh, damn. This is getting serious.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3… 39
[Detroit, Michigan]
At a basketball court, two teams consisting of five men were busy playing a game amongst each other and staying neck-and-neck in score. They were all fully invested in their game, with not even the crisp air doing much to slow them down. At the same time, while they played their game, a homeless man by the name of Jackson was busy keeping himself warm by an alleyway while watching the game with a smirk on his face.
Even with the chill of the evening approaching, this was one of the rare moments that he was able to receive some free entertainment. He found himself rooting for the men in blue jerseys instead of those with yellow. There wasn't any particular reason for his choice in team, aside from preferring the color blue.
With the entertainment set, Jackson reached into his worn bag that had once been a high-schooler's backpack until the man picked it up from the dumpster at the end of the school year. That had been a very useful acquisition as it was more durable than any of the flimsy bags that were all he could afford normally. Pulling out a can opener, a metal spoon, and a can of beans, the man quickly popped it open and began dining with his evening entertainment.
It was as one of the men, a tall man above six feet who Jackson mentally referred to as Stilts, slammed the ball into the basketball hoop, that something caught the man's eye. It wasn't anything on the court. Instead, it was past the court, and on the alley opposite the one Jackson sat at.
For an odd moment, Jackson thought that he had seen a strange flash of green, shaped almost like a pair of eyes, come from the darkness of that alley before it disappeared. Something about that caused the man to feel a dreadful chill go down his spine which not even the chill air of the approaching night could match.
He tried to ignore the chill and wave it off as just seeing things before looking back to the men on the court. That made his spirits rise as his favorite player of the group, a man he called Mouse, dribbled through the legs of Donut and tricked out Elvis before making a shot at the basket. It went through the net with a swish, and Jackson gave a silent cheer.
That was when one of the streetlights near the court broke, raining glass upon the area beneath it. The players all took notice of this, and made a few comments about the city using cheap materials for their streetlights, before going back to their game. Yet, Jackson felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise with an almost instinctual fear, reinforced by another set of green lights flashing.
This was quickly followed by another streetlight breaking, and this time, Jackson thought he saw a strange blur of red before it disappeared. The players made more comments, some with hints of nervousness, before they decided to play a little bit longer.
Yet, unlike them, Jackson was already packing up his meager possessions. Something didn't feel right, and while he would've loved to continue watching the players, the urge to leave was stronger.
It was as he finished putting away his belongings that two streetlights burst, darkening the area further. Like Jackson, the players all began heading to their belongings, preparing to leave due to the same instinctual fear that Jackson felt. But by that point, it was too late.
Just as Jackson got up from where he'd been sitting, more flashes of green lights lit up the area, followed by a few more lights being destroyed. Now, there were only two streetlights remaining, lighting up two spots of the court as bastions against this darkness.
A strange whistling noise, almost like a mixture of something both metal and organic, filled Jackson's ears. Then, a barely perceptible blur of red appeared by the men at the basketball court before two of the men were bisected in half.
Jackson's eyes widened in horror as the players all began screaming. More flashes of green lights appeared, then three more were cut down. Jackson had no idea what was going on, but he was already running down the street and away from the men. He had no specific place in mind to get to, just any place that wasn't here!
More screams could be heard, but that mattered little to Jackson as, further up the street he was running, one of the lights burst.
At the sight of this foretelling phenomenon, Jackson's feet slid a few inches as he stopped running down the street. Instead, he looked around and spotted an alley he knew led to another street. Upon shifting direction and making his way into the alley, two more lights burst up ahead.
This only cause the man's heart to thump even harder as he saw the lit street down the alley that had a few people walking past it. He could get help from there!
Jackson could hear a few screams from far off behind him as a few more men were cut down. The fearful man could only guess if any of the players were still alive. All he cared about was trying to survive this night.
A whistle filled Jackson's ears, and he dared to look over his shoulder to see a pair of green lights looking at him as a light red glow appeared under this horrid monster in the shape of what seemed like a blade.
He didn't even have a chance to scream.