"...so yeah, that's basically how I won the case."
"W-Wow...I don't really know what a 'court case' is, but it sounds really impressive Subaru-kun!"
In a dark room in the mansion, a maid and a guest were chitchatting.
"You'll find out when the time comes." The guest ominously tells the maid.
"I have a name ya know!" The guest is crazy, so he randomly screams sometimes mid conversation.
"Stop starting chaps like this! They already know who I am, it doesn't have to be some mystery." The guest rolled his eyes, annoyed at something that he had made up; the guest is crazy.
The guest was Subaru Natsuki.
Currently, he was sulking in his room and had dragged Rem into the room. The reason behind his sulking was because he wasn't allowed in the meeting Emilia was having.
It was all pretty pathetic.
But luckily for him, there were multiple people in the mansion that put up with his pathetic nature, with the one who ended up comforting him being one of the maids: Rem.
"Are you sure you don't want to talk with Wilhelm-sama, Subaru-kun?" She asks.
Not only was he not allowed in the meeting, but he also made a fool of himself Infront of the old man; Wilhelm van Astrea.
He insulted the old man straight to his face, not only that, but speaking in russian, he also insulted the man's late wife.
Wilhelm obviously didn't understand the language Subaru was spewing, but he did understand the crude words Subaru directed at him, so he gave the crazy boy some words of his own.
It wasn't anything to much, but the words caused Subaru to freeze up and pathetically teleport to his bedroom.
"No thanks, Rem-job. By the way, me and the old man are cool! Don't be tricked readers and Rem, a certain person is changing reality to fit their narrative better!" He says.
"Uhm...okie... anyways..." Rem quickly tries to divert the conversation to something else.
"Do I really have to sit here..." Rem timidly asks.
The oni was currently sitting on an extremely embarrassing chair. A chair that Subaru himself forced the poor girl into sitting on.
"Heh, it's the perfect chair for you!" He devilishly smirks, cruelly making fun of the girl.
On the chair's back was a paper with the word 'Simp' crudely drawn on.
"I-I'm not a simp!" The oni squeaks out, her cheeks dyed the brightest of red.
In the weeks of the getting along, Subaru had called Rem many cruel nicknames, but one seemed to stick more than the rest: simp.
Rem obviously didn't know what the word was, which would have still been cruel if Subaru had just kept quiet on what the word meant, but unfortunately for Rem that didn't happen.
Being the cruel guy he is, Subaru went into deep detail on the meaning of the word 'simp', not pulling any punches as he explained.
Subaru used the word so much to the point that Rem almost got used to it.
'I turned her into a simp!? I thought she was a born one!' No. He didn't.
Contrary to what Subaru's stupid feeble mind conjured up, Rem was in fact, not a simp.
'Yes she is! I'll prove it right now.'
"Hey my beautiful Rem, do you like the thought of me fucking a woman that isn't you?" He asks, too self-centered to realize how much the question would hurt her.
"I-I don't like it..." Rem nods, looking away from Subaru as she didn't want to show him her hurt expression.
"Eh, don't worry about it! I, Subaru Natsuki, right now and right here, declare that I will not even think of sticking my pickle inside a taco! If I break this oath, I shall lose what I love most!"
As if he was in a book and the story skipped a few paragraphs, Subaru suddenly makes an oath that goes completely against how he was acting like just mere seconds prior.
"S-Subaru-kun! D-Don't do that!" Rem worriedly squeaks out, but is too late.
A dark-purple smoke starts forming above the crazy boy's hair. The smoke was moving around sporadically, until it finally stopped, forming what looked like a crown made of the smoke.
"Too late!" He smugly smirks.
"I just made an oath with someone reeallly dangerous!" He reveals, all whilst having a smug smile.
His smugness was very stupid.
He had just basically doomed himself to die...or more like he doomed his current self to his demise.
"B-Bad Subaru-kun!" The oni scolds him, lightly slapping his head as a punishment.
"Don't worry Rin-Rem, I have self-control." He waves off her well-meaning worries, completely forgetting who he exactly is.
"Besides, I need to make this story interesting!" Subaru nods to himself, thinking as if what he just did was the most genius thing.
As Subaru was being so self-centered, Rem wound up her hand and gave Subaru's head a light chop.
"S-Stop with that! I-I don't like how you talk about yourself like that." Rem exclaimed, pouting.
"Huh? Readers, I think my Rem is going cuckoo!" He smirks as he looks off to a corner of the room.
"Stop it!" Rem chops his head again, this time much harder.
The chop was light, but because Rem was an oni, the chop looked like it had seriously effected him, as not even a second after her hand landed, Subaru was far away from the oni.
"Woah, woah! Do that again and you might take away my special wrecking ball ability!" He points to the girl, his hand and body shaking as he looks as the girl.
"Again with that." Rem rolls her eyes, tired of hearing Subaru say that word again.
"I'm serious! It's what makes me–me!" Subaru says, his expression looking oddly serious.
"But what does it mean!" Rem asked, annoyed, already expecting the response he would give.
"It means I can talk with the readers and I know stuff that I shouldn't." Subaru explains, not at all realizing just how crazy he sounds.
"..." Rem deadpans.
"I already told you this the other day Rem." Subaru mirrors Rem and also deadpans.
"But it doesn't make sense." Rem said.
"How so? It makes perfect pennies to me." Subaru frowns, not getting why Rem isn't understanding his delusional mindset.
"It just doesn't." Rem sighed, tired of having the same conversation for the hundredth time since the two met.
"Fine, fine. We won't go down this road again." Subaru gave a sigh of his own, strangely also not wanting to repeat themselves.
Rem gives a nod and sigh of relief. Her usual smile materializes back on her face, as she looks at Subaru with her eyes beaming.
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you Subaru-kun!" She beams. Rem cutely hops over to the room's closet and signals over Subaru.
"Hmm?" His brow raises.
Subaru also hops over to the closet, but unlike Rem's adorable small jumps, his hopping just looked really weird.
Rem luckily didn't see the horrible sight of Subaru's hopping, instead, she was rummaging around the closet, trying to find what she the object she had stored in there.
"Where is it..." She muttered to herself, trying her best to remember where she placed the thing.
Rem continues to move around the clothing that was hung on the racks, looking around the small closet for a specific item, but has no luck in doing so.
"You looking for the chess set?" Subaru popped his head into the closet and asked.
"Not that." Rem replies back, as she moves even more of the closet's items.
Currently Rem has made a mess of Subaru's surprisingly clean and filled closet, but the oni maid is too occupied by trying to find something that she doesn't really think of it.
"What do you mean surprisingly clean!? Of course my closet is clean!" Subaru childishly stomps his feet, throwing a tantrum for no apparent reason.
"I didn't say anything, Subaru-kun." Rem replies, whilst still searching the little closet room.
"I'm not talking to you Mrs. Natsuki!" He snaps at the oni maid, whilst not even having the nerve to look at the maid. Just like his crazy self always does, he was just staring off int––
"Hey wait!" Subaru interrupts...nothing.
"This is the Christmas episode!" Subaru excitedly exclaims, jumping up and down like he's a kid on...Christmas morning.
Subaru is somewhat right about his words.
Yes, technically speaking, back in his home world it would be Christmas time, but in this new world? No. Christmas in this new world isn't even a thing, and if it was, it would be months away.
"WHAT!?" Subaru screams out. The boy looked mortified for an odd reason.
"Of course I'm mortified! How are the little lolis and shotas of this world gonna enjoy life without some gifts!" He screams.
"It's not just for the kids! It's a matter that involves even the milfs and dilfs of this world!" He continued his screaming.
The boy couldn't comprehend a world without Christmas, completely ignorant to the fact that even some people in his old world didn't celebrate the holiday due to culture differences.
"Fuck the other cultures!" Subaru ignorantly yells out.
"It's not ignorance! It's just me liking cool presents!" Subaru childishly explains to himself.
"I found it!" Rem screams out from inside the clos––
"Stop!" Subaru yells out. Almost as if some high power was listening to him, time comes to a standstill.
"Fuck Rem. We need to talk about this no Christmas shit." Subaru says, his expression and tone full of seriousness.
Even stranger than time stopping when Subaru requested it to, was that area around Subaru was starting shift. No longer was he in his bedroom, but now, he looked to be in a dark room, with the only things in room being two rusty metal chairs, a dirty cracked mirror, and a wooden table that was falling apart.
Floating above the table, without anything holding it up or anything showing it was connected to something, was a ceiling light.
The place looked something straight out of an interrogation scene.
Subaru looped around the table several times, deep in thought as he circled the worn down table. He traced his pointer finger along the surface of the table, grabbing a film of dust as it rubbed against it.
"Gross." Subaru visibly showed his disgust at the unclean surface, quickly shaking his hand to get the thin layer of dust off his finger.
"What kinda shitty interrogation room did I summon." He grumbled, reluctantly plopping himself onto one of the chairs.
The chair squeaked, but surprisingly kept it's standing, even if it looked it could fall apart at any moment.
"Readers, you might be wondering 'why is my goat in this random ass dark room?'. Well, I'm here to question some people." He talked out to his delusions.
He had propped his arms up on the table, resting his cheeks on his palms; looking very similar to what a villain would do when they were going to drop a long monologue.
"First one to enter my dark room; like everyone else who will enter, is someone who has the chance to enter this Christmas episode!" Subaru exclaims with a large smile present his face.
"Ahem." He clears his throat, gearing up to spew out an useless––
"The first person I summon is someone very similar to me!
She's someone who was destined to die thousands of times.Luckily for her, she was never pulled from her world into another, allowing her to live a normal life.
She's a shut-in NEET at 23 years old!? Poor girl had a bad introduction at the beginning of high school, causing her to be a recluse. Relatable!
She's a cutie that can do no wrong! Apparently she's just about to get hit by a truck, so she's lucky I'm grabbing her away from that shit!
This girl is like a older sister to me, and she's a... me !?
Introducing the first one to be interviewed by yours truly: Natsumi Natsuki!"
Across from Subaru, a beautiful black-haired girl appears in the chair, an extremely confused expression on her pretty face.
"..." The girl looks around the room in confusion, until finally, her eyes lock onto to Subaru's.
Her eyes light up in pure excitement as her eyes hovered on Subaru, her body even shaking from the feeling.
"Are you the one who summoned me!?" She asks with pure joy beaming in her eyes. Subaru nods, chasing the girl's eyes to widen even more.
"KYAH–! You're my hero!" She squeals.
"Eh, that's a little much, no?" Subaru says, a large smile on his face. He was surprisingly being humble – a large contrast to his usual boastful self.
"And you're humble!? Please tell me you're coming to another world with me!" The girl asked, a light blush sitting on her cheeks.
"Hopefully so."
It seems Subaru's simple words really hit the girl hard, as the light blush that was donning her cheeks had now burst into a full-on blush.
"U-Uhm..." The girl stammered, now looking like a shy schoolgirl Infront of Subaru.
"Uh, you okay?" Subaru earnestly asked, reaching for her hand on the table.
"U-Uhm...I...uh...I-I'm...uhm.." The girl couldn't get a word out. Her eyes were locked on her hand that was being held by Subaru.
The reason for the girl's stunned reaction was similar to Subaru's situation.
The girl was a shut-in loser. She hadn't had any interaction with anyone around her age that was of the opposite sex in years, nor had she ever been in an romantic relationship.
There was no better word to describe the girl, other than pathetic.
But unlike how Subaru was pathetic, the girl was recently trying her best to stop her pathetic nature, trying her best to go out more and interact with people.
Of course just a few days of going out she wasn't going to suddenly find a partner, which would have made the girl frustrated a few seconds ago, but now, it looks like the girl already has her eyes on someone. Even if that someone is a terrible person, and may or not be an alternative version of herself.
"What's your name?" Subaru asked. He already knew her name, but he wanted to hear her name form her own lips.
"O-Oh yeah!" Her eyes light up in realization.
The girl shoots out from her seat; knocking over her chair as she does. She suddenly struts out her hip and points her finger to the sky.
"M-My name is Natsumi Natsuki! Not only am I totally clueless, but I'm also broke beyond compared! Nice to me you!" She says, all whilst sporting an embarrassed smile. Her introduction was extremely similar to how a certain crazy boy introduces himself.
"That's a very 'unique' way to introduce yourself!" Subaru sarcastically said.
"Thanks!" The girl didn't catch on to the sarcasm and took the thanks with a giddy smile.
"N-Now...can you please tell me your name?" The girl asked.
Although she tried her best to not sound like it, despite her best attempt to, Natsumi sounded extremely desperate for his name.
"The name's Subaru Natsuki!" He introduced himself in a normal way.
His introduction must've rubbed Natsumi the right way, as Subaru hadn't even done anything in his intro, and yet Natsumi was as red as a tomato.
"I think you're moving too fast...I mean–I wouldn't mind marrying you, but I think we should get to know each other better! I'm not rejecting you or anything crazy like that! I'm just saying that maybe we should go on a few dates before we talk about marriage. Or maybe we hit it off on the first date? If so, we can get married quickly after! I don't know if there's any traditional wedding dresses in this world, so if there isn't, I happen to know how to sew. So there's no need for you to worry about my wedding dress! Ah! Am I taking it too fast? Maybe it might take a few more dates than one...or maybe...maybe we're not cut out to be together...No! I don't want to think of negative stuff like that... anyways! Let me tell you a little about me so that you can know more about me. My name is Natsumi Natsuki, and my parents are Kenichi Natsuki and Naoko Natsuki. I went to high school and... graduated with straight A's! Yes, straight A's! I'm a very smart woman, so much so, that I got alot of offers from many schools to attend their establishments. Ah! I totally forgot you're from a different world, you might not know what a high school is, but it's probably similar to a magic academy...if you have those here.Wait—I'm an idiot! This is a different world so there might not even be such things as a wedding! Don't worry, we can still have it, but I'll quickly teach you of it! A wedding is what boyfriends and girlfriends have when they want to take it to the next step. It's a big occasion that usually symbolizes how much both of them love each other, so much to the point that they spend a lot of money and time on planning the event. Sadly there's some marriages that are forced, but you don't have to worry about that! Both me and you are willing participants in the wedding! We both love each other and—I mean we'll both fall in love with each other over the course of our dates, which once were all super lovey-dovey, only then will we get married! I'll wait until you love me to that point, and I won't forced the wedding to be sooner! Don't worry about it! I know I'm a shut-in, but that doesn't mean I'll force myself on you! Ah! Did I said shut-in? Ah, I said it again! I didn't mean to say it, I meant to say...uhm...I meant to say businesswoman! Yes! I'm a successful businesswoman who has many companies under her name at the young age of 23! I made my first company at the age of 17 and I've only made more, and succeeded in more as I grew. What are they? Uhm... it's complicated. Anyways, enough about me! Let's talk about you! I'm sure you're—wait...how did I not think of this question! Are you seeing someone!? I don't know why I didn't ask! It's obvious that someone as handsome, humble, young, caring, generous, scrumptious, cute, huggable, loving, buff, funny, smart, elegant, active, attractive person like yourself would be taken by someone. Well, if you are, you shouldn't have introduced yourself with my last name instead of your own last name! To any girls around our age, it seems like you're married to m...me...I'm stupid! You introduced yourself with my surname, so of course there's marriage in this world! How can I miss such an obvious detail! I'm sorry Subaru for explaining something you already knew! I know I sounded stupid, but please don't think badly of me! It's a one time mistake, and probably won't happen again! It's just sometimes my brain freezes up when it's nervous, and to be completely transparent to you, I'm feeling very nervous around you... I know I might be coming off too hard, but I just have never felt like this before! I've never felt my heart beat this fast just from seeing another person! You saved me from getting hit from that truck by summoning me, which I can't thank you enough for! You know, I've always had this dream of getting isekai'd and meeting a dreamy black-haired guy, and now I know it was the universe giving me a sign that you were my destined partner! I know you've probably noticed that we have the same tracksuit, but that's not just a crazy coincidence! In the dreams, I always saw you wearing this, so I made one of my own using the power of sewing! It's actually one of the reason I learned how to sew, hehe~! I hope to get to know you really well! I can't wait to go on our date! Kyah~ I feel like I might die from a heart attack with how fast my heart is beating from me just thinking of all the dates we'll go on! We can go on picnic dates like I mentioned, but you can also show me around the world on some dates! Hmm, money might be a problem with all these dates and our wedding... Don't worry about it though! I'll get a job at a bakery and then we can—kyah~! I just had a brilliant idea! Me and you can open a bakery somewhere in town, which if this world doesn't have all the same treats as my world, then we can make tons of money from our baked goods! I can even teach you all the recipes I know, so that you and I can teach it to our future kids! Kyah~! We can even pass down our bakery to our little children when we eventually get too old, then me and you can buy a lake house and peacefully live the rest of our lives until we pass in each other's arms at the age of one hundred! After our passing, our children will pass on our bakery to their children, and then their children will pass to their own children, and then the cycle repeats for the rest of time! Our bakery would go down in history as the best bakery there ever was! I can't wait for us to start are little bakery! We can name it something cute like 'Nats-O-Treats and Pies' or some other name, I don't mind! Ah! I got sidetracked, I was supposed to be talking about the places we can go for dates! Let's see...I got it! With the magic that's in this world, we can probably go to the moon for a date! That would be so cute! Just me and you sitting on the moon, looking down on...wait...I'm an idiot! This is another world, meaning there might not be moons near this is plant, or better yet, there might be no moons in the entire universe! That would suck. No moon dates for us then... Uhm, maybe we can go to the sun for a date? I might sound like an idiot again, but I'm pretty sure there's magic to protect us from the heat... right? If there's not, don't worry Subaru-kun, I'm pretty sure I'll have some overpowered skill to protect us from it! Ahh~! Subaru-kun...I love the way your name leaves my mouth! It just sounds so...right. It sounds so natural! I might sound like a weirdo or like a yandere to you, but I really do think we're soulmates! Ugh, I keep forgetting you probably don't know what certain words are! Stupid me, yandere is like an individual who is super obsessed with another individual, to the point that they're willing to kill said loved one for the loved one to love them. Wow, that was a mouthful, but what I'm getting at is yandere is basically just an extremely clingy person, so no need to worry about it! Besides, I'm not a super yandere! As a matter of fact, I'm not even a yandere! I'm just a girl who knows who her soulmate is and is super prepared because of her reclus—super smart brain! Ah! I think I've talked too much... I should probably give you some time to speak." Natsumi rambled on and on for minutes, getting lost in her ramblings, but somehow sounding extremely engaged in her words throughout all of her ramblings.
Another surprising thing was that Subaru had kept his mouth shut, and had actually let the girl ramble on. The crazy boy had also listened to every word that the girl spewed, as he too was engaged in her long ramblings.
"Sorry to break it you Nats, but I'm an alternative version of you." Subaru lays down the cold hard truth.
"H-Huh?" Natsumi freezes up.
"Just like I said Nats, I'm you, but I'm from another parallel universe where I did many things different than you, with the main difference being that I'm a guy." Subaru explains to the stunned Natsumi.
"Oh, I'm also 17 and you're 23...you a big fan of drizzy by any chance?"
"S-So you're a male me?" Ignoring Subaru's previous comments, Natsumi instead focuses on the bigger 'problem'.
"Yup! I have the bat downstairs and baseballs to accompany it."
"H-How are you so...w-why do you have better looks than me then!" Her voice cracked as she asked, showing just how little she viewed herself.
"Uh...I don't know if you've looked in the mirror recently, but you look pretty fucking hot Nats." Subaru told her, completely acting as if he hadn't compared Natsumi to an older sister minutes prior.
'Shut the fuck up Thirth Person! I'm trying to cheer my big sis up! Besides, the readers won't like this ship in my life, so stop trying to force something that isn't!'
"—!" Even after the discovery, Natsumi didn't seem to lose her attraction to Subaru, as her cheeks grew red once again.
"D-Do you mean that Subaru-kun?" Natsumi asked with pleading eyes. Truthfully, she already believed Subaru's words but just wanted him to repeat it.
"Of course I mean it. You are the prettiest girl I've seen, big sis." He said, putting the emphasis on 'big sis'.
Unfortunately for the crazy boy, it; again, didn't get the result he wanted.
"Kyah~! I knew we were meant for each other!" She squealed.
It took a while, but it seems Subaru met someone as crazy as him...no...Subaru might not be a grown woman who's simping for a 17-year old, but his actions back in the forest are for sure crazier than anything Natsumi could do.
"We're basically siblings though..." Subaru keeps trying to drill it in her head, but Natsumi doesn't want to stop simping.
"I mean...I guess, yeah?" Natsumi tilts her head, trying to understand what Subaru's trying to tell her.
"Back in my world I had parents with the same names, so it's safe to say we're siblings." He brings up, trying his absolute best to stop Natsumi from crushing on him.
"I...agree." And it looks like it worked.
Natsumi slumped her head, looking down at her feet as she finally realized how wrong her feelings were. Subaru was practically her brother, and here she was trying to get him with. Not only that, Subaru was also years younger than her, making the incestuous aspect even worse with the age gap.
Natsumi raises her head and looks up at Subaru, a blank expression staining her face.
"You're my brother..." Natsumi says, almost as if she's telling herself that.
"Yup." Subaru nods with a smirk, prideful that he convinced his sister to come to.
'Already calling her my sis? You're quick as a cock Thirth Person.'
Subaru prideful smirk would soon wipe off his face as Natsumi opened her mouth to tell him something.
"I-It doesn't matter though..." Natsumi muttered, looking off to the side blushing.
"..." Subaru's prideful smirk drops from his face.
"B-Besides, love doesn't know boundaries." Natsumi mumbled, her blush growing even bigger and brighter.
'What kinda Natsumi did I pull into this world!?'
"Huff...Cover your ears real quick, Nats." With a sigh, Subaru asks his sister
"Yes sir!" With a quick salute to her little brother, Natsumi quickly cover ears and although Subaru didn't ask, she also closed her eyes.
"Fans..." Subaru begins to speak directly to the mirror.
"This segment 'Subaru's Interview for Christmas'; a Re:Mental first, is officially cancelled. Nats took too long fantasizing about me to the point that I don't wanna bring anymore people to help me with this chap." Subaru sensually rubbed the mirror, almost as if it was a dripping wet pussy.
"What the fuck happened to you Thirth Person!? You degenerate! You—You fuckhead!" Subaru yells at his delusions.
"Look, I didn't wanna throw you under the bus, but I know you gave me this version of Nats!" Subaru blabbers about nonsense.
"Ugh, enough about Thirth Person's horny ass, let me tell you folk about who was gonna participate in this jolly chap."
Subaru clears his throat, gearing himself up to list off alot of names.
"I was gonna try to interview that Rudeus guy, cause I thought it'd be funny to poke fun of that guy. Imagine all the pedo jokes I could've done! I could've been like 'Oh Rudeus, sucks that your friend got caught with all that baby oil in his mansion.' or some funny shit like that."
"Seriously though, I was gonna interview Frieren and that Fern girl, which of course I would've let the girls be my elves for the episode, because c'mon, that would've been cool as fuck if that happened! Unfortunately, it seems like it didn't turn out that way."
"Another one I was gonna interview was Kazuma and his group. I was gonna meet them at the beginning of February for the Re:Mental spin-off, but I kinda wanted to meet them earlier. I guess it wasn't meant to be."
"Next! I was going to interview some wallbreaking buddies, but I feel it's a good idea I didn't end up doing so. Don't wanna give them any more ammo before the trial arc!"
"Another group I was gonna interview was the romance anime people; Marin and Gojo; Komi and her friend; Naoto and his kouhai; and the other people in the romance genre. Good thing I hadn't, otherwise it would've taken longer than it did with Nats.
"I planned to interview Ainz and his goons for the same reasons I wanted to interview Kazuma and his group, but I guess I gotta wait until the spin-off."
"I was gonna also interview some authors that made fics of me, which technically speaking, I still can bring them, but I'm too lazy to do it, so fuck those people."
"Speaking of authors, I was gonna steal some OCs set in my world and force them to help with my chap, but I decided not to for the same reason I'm not interviewing authors."
"And finally, the last person I wanted to interview was a special little girl. She's been in my fic ever since chapter one, and although we might not see eye to eye, I gotta admit, she's a cutie. Yes, I'm talking about that adorable birdy: Dora."
"And that's it for the list! Don't worry readers! This chap is not over yet! I still got to meet my competition!"
As Subaru finished the list of names he made up, the dark room slowly dematerializes, turning back into his bedroom.
"Wow! What is happe––" Natsumi looked around in amazement at everything falling apart around her, but the froze as the room fully disappeared.
"Oops. I forgot big sis can't move between this..." Subaru shakes his head from his stupidity.
"Christmas interview segment over! Scene switch!"
"So you're telling me this woman is your sister." Rem asks the crazy boy, her face completely devoid of any emotion.
"Yeah." Subaru nods, picking at his teeth out of boredom.
He's honestly tired of having to answer Rem everytime she asks if Natsumi is his sister.
"..." Rem looked back and forth between Natsumi and Subaru, her blank face gaining a frown.
"I have a hard time believing that." Rem pouted.
Currently, Rem, Subaru, Natsumi, and Emilia, were in a carriage off to the capital. It had been a few days since Felix's visit, which turned out to be him announcing that the royal selection was starting.
"How so?" Subaru tilts his head in confusion, completely avoiding the elephant in the carriage.
"Don't 'how so' me, Subaru-kun! This girl is literally sitting on your lap!" Rem screams, her frown turning into a slight glare towards Natsumi.
"It's totally normal behavior." Natsumi casually shrugs her shoulders, almost as if she thought she said nothing extreme.
"Huff...No Nats, no." Subaru sighs, not even trying to bother to chastise her.
"Get her off your lap!" Rem stomped her foot in anger, getting more and more annoyed at Natsumi's behavior.
"U-Uhmm...I also think you should get off Subaru's lap." Emilia pipes up, also wanting to voice her opinion in the situation.
"But I don't wanna." Like a little spoiled child, Natsumi pouts and turns her gaze away from any of the girls, instead opting to focus it on her brother.
"So fans, you might be wondering 'Why is your twin on your lap, and where the fuck is Beako?'. Can't answer for the lap thing, but I can answer for the Beako thing." Subaru talked a whole lot of nonsense, as he completely ignores the girls around him and leans his head back through the carriage 'window'.
Said 'window', was actually just a hole Subaru carved in the carriage just a few minutes before they took off from the mansion.
As the wind from the carriage blew against Subaru's face, he began to speak to himself.
"I instructed Beako to find me some really good books in her library...and I also didn't want to divert from canon this quickly."
As Subaru was 'busy' talking to himself, the girls in the carriage were having a very pleasant conversation...
"What do you mean you're pregnant with Subaru-kun's baby!?" Rem slams her fist down on the wooden plank she sat on, breaking a chip off the hard wood.
"Y-You're pregnant!?" Emilia was shocked like Rem, but instead of breaking part of the wooden slab that held her butt up, the elf opted to just hold her hand to her mouth in shock.
"Yes I am." Natsumi nods, a serious expression painted on her face.
"But you're his sister!" Rem screams, a disgusted scowl forming on her face.
"Y-You're Subaru's sister!?" Emilia was once again shocked.
Even though Emilia had met Natsumi days prior, she had somehow gone completely clueless of the fact that the two were related. Even somehow not hearing Subaru confirm it not even five minutes ago.
"Technically yes. We are born from same parents..." Natsumi says, a light blush present on her cheeks from a tinge of embarrassment she was feeling.
"That makes this worse! I-I thought you were at least half-siblings..." Rem shakes her head in disbelief, as the situation was even worse than what she thought.
"..." Emilia went silent. Not only was she feeling extremely shocked, but she also felt something else...she felt a strange tingling in her heart – a tingling that Emilia felt very conflicted about.
It felt uncomfortable, but something was screaming at her that if she just got rid of Nat––
"Enough with your yandere shit, Emilia." Subaru brings his head back into the carriage, a tired expression on his average face.
Subaru then brought his hand to Natsumi's face, and pinched her cheeks.
"And stop lying about me getting your pregnant!" He scolded her.
"Yes, sir!" Natsumi does a quick salute and bounces on her seat.
"And don't bounce on my lap." He pinched her cheeks again.
"Sir, yes sir!" Natsumi does another quick salute, this time staying still in her seat.
As the siblings were talking to each other, they were completely oblivious to the weirded out stares both Rem and Emilia gave the pair.
"Scene switch."
"Wow! This place looks so cool!" Natsumi gawked at her surroundings.
Subaru and her were walking hand-to-hand, as they walked the streets of Lugunica. They had arrived not to long ago. Rem had split off from them to load off their luggage at Crusch's mansion.
"Forgot to tell you all, but we're staying at Crusch's house." Subaru says to nothing.
"Another mansion!?" Natsumi's eyes lit up. Subaru wasn't directing his words towards her, but it seems Natsumi had no clue where they were staying.
"Yes. Felix told me that Crusch wanted us to stay there!" Emilia beamed.
Emilia was walking besides the pair. Any passerby walking past the three would assume that Emilia was a third wheel in Subaru and Natsumi's hangout. Emilia definitely wasn't jealous, but she gave off the impression that she was internally fuming at the two's closeness.
"And we're here!" Subaru exclaimed, for some strange reason, a large smirk suddenly grew on his face.
"Ah...I guess we're here." Emilia had a smile of her own, but it looked very forced.
"Cut."
"Jolly Guy's Pov"
What is wrong with these girls!?
This was supposed to be my wholesome Christmas chapter, and yet all that's happen is that an alternative version for me is extremely horny for me, and for some reason Emilia is also developing into a yandere?!
What the fuck is this!
Emilia isn't supposed to feel jealousy this early!
Ugh! This is gonna be very fucking annoying, but I'm gonna redo this whole chapter to fix Emilia's personality.
Don't worry fans! It'll be an instant for you all!
"What's your name purple man." The crazy boy rudely asks the purple-haired knight Infront of him.
"Is this your servant Emilia-sama?" The knight asks the half-elf, ignoring the rude boy.
"You are so rude!" Natsumi glared at the knight, completely ignoring the fact that her brother was the rude one.
"Is she also your servant?"
"They aren't my servants Julius-kun, they're my friends!" Emilia excitedly exclaimed to the knight.
"Apologies for the mistake." The knight; Julius, courteously bows to the siblings.
Julius's head was pointed towards the ground, causing him to not realize that Subaru's hand had gotten close to him, only realizing until Subaru's hand landed on his locks of hair.
"No need." Subaru smiled, patting the knight on his head.
"..." Julius raises his head to look at the black-haired boy, a confused yet pleased expression on his pretty face.
"Who's a good boy? You are! Yes you are!" Subaru keeps messing with the knights hair, treating the man as if he was a puppy.
"Please don't mess up my hair." Julius politely asks, his knightly behavior still intact despite being humiliated by the crazy boy.
"Eh? But I need to expand my yaoi harem." Subaru frowns.
"I don't want to be in your harem." Julius politely turns down Subaru.
"B-But I need to appeal to the yaoi shippers!" Subaru stammered out, comically large tears falling from his eyes.
"Can you stop rubbing my head? Emilia-sama and I need to go now." Julius calmly asks, surprisingly not even a hint of annoyance found in his voice.
"You could've moved if you wanted to..." Subaru grumbled under his breath and finally stopped harassing the knight's hair.
Although the black-haired boy was being a nuisance to the knight, he did have a point in saying that Julius could've pulled away.
'Why didn't I pull away?' Julius asked himself. Sure, It was minor inconvenience, but why hadn't he pulled away?
The knight knew he was fully capable of just slapping away Subaru's hand, or if he hadn't want to he that harsh, he could've just moved his head away – but he hadn't. He kept his head still, allowing Subaru to continue to massage his scalp.
It was a very weird experience for the knight.
"M-Me and Julius have to go, stay right here you two." Emilia reminds them why they were even there in the first place.
"Take me around this place Subaru-kun!" Natsumi excitedly pushed herself more into the boy's body, oblivious to the stares Julius and Emilia were giving her.
"Let's a go." Subaru tiredly says, pumping his fist up to the sky.
" The Perfect PoV"
I'll be honest with you fans – I'm tired as fuck.
I've had to redo this chapter too many times to count, repeated the same hilarious jokes over and over, cut out a part where I meet a witch, until I finally got a timeline I'm okay with.
It's so fucking tiring.
I just wanted to spend Christmas with Beako and my friends, but now I'm stuck having to follow this shitty ass script 'Thirth Person' cooked up. Ugh. It's just so fucking unfair!
Why can't I just confront the villain already and get done with this arc!? Why can't I just timeskip until the trial arc!? Why can't I just enjoy one fucking day!
...Ah!
Sorry for that fans! I won't have another breakdown on this jolly ol' day!
Guess what! Do you remember a second ago when I said '...Ah!'? Yeah, well I actually took a quick nap and now I'm energized as fuck!
No more down Subaru for the rest of this Christmas episode!
...
Shit. Uh, fans...I did it again.
I forgot to hand over control to Thirth Person...oopsies ~
Don't worry fans! For the first time in Re:Mental history, I'm going to read you readers a book.
This little segment called:
Story Book Time
The siblings, a princess, and thieves.
[Pleiades: ...and this is the appa stand.] The charming man told his sister.
[Natzumi: Kinda strange that there's different names for fruits, huh?] The girl said.
[Natzumi: What next, mangos are called manos?] The girl joked, earning a small chuckle from her brother.
[Pleiades: Haha, never really thought of it like that.] The man was thoroughly enjoying showing his sister around the city.
His sister was new to the town, so being the kind little brother he was, Pleiades decided to show his big sis around the place.
The two joked around with each other as they walked the street of the city, completely lost in their conversation.
Unfortunately for the siblings, their joyful conversation was about to be cut short.
[?: Cough up everything thing you have!] A voice from a nearby alley yelled out.
[?: Yeah! What he said!] Another voice resounded from the dirty alley.
The siblings at first assumed the voices were talking to them, but as they went over to the alley, they quickly found out that the voices were talking to someone else.
[?: Hurry up! We don't got all day!] A different voice yells.
The siblings can now see it very clearly: a woman was being robbed.
[?: ...] Infront of the yelling of the three men, the woman stood still, not bothering to say a word to the thieves.
Pleidaes quickly—
End of chapter
How'd you like that? Aren't I amazing at telling stories!?
Well, I know I didn't much in the story, but basically what happened was that me and Nats met Priscilla, the hot girl who lives a wonderful life at the end of the story.
Nats got knocked out by Priscilla, pretty crazy shit, huh?
Yeah, well, Nats thought Priscilla was eying my body, causing my twin to absolutely crashout on the sun princess. Nats is obviously weaker than her, so my sis almost got killed by the bitch, but was saved by yours truly.
I do kinda owe a favor to the bitch, but who cares about that! She'll probably use it before the trial arc, so I ain't gotta worry about it.
After that, I met the guy who's supposed to give me the Gojo treatment later on, which btw, I need to rant about this fucker!
One of the first comments I ever got brought up this guy, saying that he was suspiciously similar to me, so I had my hopes up, thinking this idiot would also be able to see y'all folks, but nope!
I was totally blueballed when this guy just called me a crazy boy! Can you believe that shit!
Fuck whoever brought up this Al dude, because of you, I had my hopes up, but just like the hopes of me hitting up Frieren, it crashed into a billion pieces.
Anyways, enough about that shirtless hunk, let's talk about what else that happened.
Hmmm...oh yeah! While I was carrying Nats back to Crusch's mansion, I ran into an archbishop!
Crazy shit, right?
Don't worry y'all, although I didn't capture them, I think I managed to worm myself into their heart!
Well, technically not their heart...but that's besides the point!
I used my charm to (hopefully)romance this bishop, meaning I might have five secret agents in the cult! Isn't that exciting!
Current rn I'm in the room where they're gonna announce all the candidates.
I snuck in using my special technique called bribery.
I'll let Thirth Person tell you all.
Subaru took a seat near the other nobles, trying his best to fit in.
After pretending to be a son of a random noble, Subaru was surprisingly let inside of the hall. For a high-class event, there sure was little security for the occasion.
"..." Many nobles around Subaru gave the boy weird stares, obviously being able to tell that the raven-haired boy was different than the others.
"You gonna eat that?" Subaru asks the nobleman next to him.
In the nobleman's hand was a pealed appa. There was nothing to special about the fruit, but maybe because it was held in a rich man's hand, the fruit instantly became more appealing to Subaru.
"N—" The nobleman wasn't going to eat the appa, but he couldn't even say he wasn't before Subaru grabbed the fruit from his hand and took a bite out of it.
"Dhanks man!" With a mouthful of appa, Subaru thanks the man.
The nobleman doesn't respond to the boy, and tries his best to avoid having to interact with the boy.
Luckily for the nobleman, Subaru would have to keep his mouth shut, as one of the wise men spoke up.
"Ahem. This meeting will now begin." An old man says, his voice making any chatter in the room come to a halt.
"I think that means we should be quiet."Subaru nudges the guy next to him.
All four candidates to the throne were standing behind their respective podiums, filling four out of six of the podiums. They patiently waited until the wise men called upon them.
Next to three of the candidates stood their knights, with Emilia being the exception as she is yet to crown someone as her knight.
Suddenly, breaking the silence of the room, Crusch Karsten, the woman whose skills with the blade can put most to shame, spoke up.
"Hurry up?" The duchess said, sounding much more like a question than a demand. Strangely, the woman looked around the room in confusion, almost as if to spot a specific person.
"Show yourself." A cold voice demands.
This time, it was Priscilla Barielle the one to speak up, sending a demand straight towards...nobody?
"I won't ask again." The woman threatened...nothing?
"Haha~ sorry about that Priscilla-tan!" A few feet infront of the woman's gaze, a familiar raven-haired boy appeared.
"S-Subaru!" Emilia called out, her eyes bulging wide.
Emilia hadn't expected Subaru to be here, especially after telling him that he had to stay in the mansion, and making the boy promise not to show up.
"Who is this boy?" Miklotov McMahon, the head of the council of wise men, asked the around the room.
Not a single peep came from anyone, with even not Emilia or Roswaal trying to claim any association with the boy.
"Shut your tramp old man! That's no way to talk to someone as important as me!" Subaru angrily shouted at the man.
"Important? Apologies for my bluntness sir, but I have never heard of you." The wise man politely responded.
Instead of stepping down to Subaru's level and shouting rudely at the boy, Miklotov showed his maturity and responded to the rude Subaru with only politeness and the upmost courtesy.
Unfortunately for the polite man, Subaru didn't at all care about being nice and formal, as he continued to be his normal crude self.
"You don't know me!?" Subaru pathetically asks, falling down to his knees in despair.
"Ahem. Ignoring this boy, let's get onto this discussion." Miklotov says.
The man decides to ignore the mentally unwell boy.
"Before we do, I do believe the sword saint has something to say, isn't that right?" Miklotov looked over to the red-headed knight.
"Correct." Reinhard steps forward from the knights stand, walking forward until he kneeled Infront of the council of men.
"Yes." Mimicking the knight's action, Subaru teleports next to Reinhard and does the same.
Subaru was lucky nobody was doing their job correctly, as if they were actually doing it, he would have been kicked out of the room long ago–neigh, he wouldn't even had made it inside to begin with.
But Subaru was lucky. Almost too lucky...
"I come with news that the last candidate has been found." Reinhard drops a bombshell.
Murmors fill the room, as the nobles and knights talk amongst themselves, taken aback at the words they had just heard.
"What my friend said is true." Subaru nods, trying to fit in.
"She is someone who is extremely strong..." Subaru begins, gearing up to talk a load of shit.
"I've personally never seen someone who can beat her in a fight. I saw with my very own eyes the sword saint bleed from this girl." Subaru makes insane accusations, but most individuals in the room are eating it up.
"Spoiler alert! Her name is Felt and she's behind door number three!" Subaru giddily screams out, pointing to the doors, which magically open, revealing Felt in a beautiful yellow dress.
"Enough about that loli though, let's talk about the sixth candidate!" Subaru giddily exclaims.
"Hah. There are only five, commoner." Priscilla scoffs, entertained by the boy's stupidity.
"Nuh-uh! There's six podiums." Subaru points out to the woman, still sounding extremely fucking stupid.
...
The room went silent, as suddenly it was hard to breathe for every single individual in the room, including the oh-so powerful sword saint, Reinhard van Astrea.
Other than the hard to breathe atmosphere the room was under, another large oddity was the sudden additions to the room. A large black box appeared, floating in midair without any strings, nor any structure keeping it up.
The room's inhabitants weren't unique in seeing the strange box, as all around the world, the strange floating boxes appeared. Be it if it was in the middle of a warfront, or if it was in a room where a mother was grieving her dead child, the boxes appeared, all varying in size.
The boxes weren't anything the world had ever seen, with only two people in the room capable of recognizing the large rectangles.
"Test, test, one, two, three."
Subaru's voice comes blaring out of the large boxes, now apparent to the other person what the boxes actually were. It was speakers.
"My name is Subaru Natsuki."
Subaru introduced himself to the world.
Miklotov's eyes bulged widely as Subaru's named entered his ears. The old man tried his best to yell out, he tried his best, but it wouldn't come out.
He truly tried his best to speak out, he wanted so badly to yell out Reinhard's name.
He needed to.
He needed to let the sword saint know of what he saw inscribed on the dragon tablet.
He needed to order the death of Subaru Natsuki...but he was too weak.
He was frozen in shock.
He's faced many horrible things in his many years of living, and yet here he is, trembling from the uttering of a boy's name.
"This is my Christmas chapter!"
Subaru screamed through the speakers, breaking the eardrums of many unprepared for the loudness of his voice.
"This is a failed loop by the way, so you are all doomed to die!"
Subaru's grating voice resounds all over the world, making people cringe not just from the sound, but also his words itself.
Doomed to die?
Many children were huddling with their parents, shivering from Subaru's terrible, harsh words. The orphans of the world had no one to comfort them, forced to covered their ears and hope it would block out the sounds.
It didn't.
"Ignore what Miklotov was thinking about readers, I'm not a dangerous guy."
Subaru said, addressing...his delusions.
People around the world didn't understand the crazy boy, but they didn't need to understand him to be frightened by him.
"I am not dangerous, in fact, I'm someone very important now."
Most of the world couldn't see Subaru, but the ones that could, could see a manic smirk plastered on the boy's face.
"I am the sixth candidate to the throne of Lugunica."
Subaru reveals, a large arrogant smirk painting his disgusting face.
"It's a special chapter, which means I have more control than I usually do...so shut the fuck up Thirth Person."
"Anyways, to the people of Lugunica – I have a message for you."
"Not really. This is mostly for the readers, but because I'm a candidate now, I need a speech to go along with my announcement."
"Ahem."
"Vote for me. I will make Lugunica the greatest nation on this planet—no, I will make it the greatest Lugunica in Re:Zero's entire existence."
"... actually...no."
"I will overthrow every other nation in this world, and not only be the ruler of the best Lugunica, but I will also bring in the greatest Re:Zero world that the readers could ever dream of."
"There will be no crimes when I am ruler."
"There will be no forgetting loved ones because of a gluttonous child."
"No longer are women being forced into a marriage because a loser wants to inflate his ego with trophy wives."
"There will be no pain."
"I will erase pain from existence."
"I will be the one you can look up to."
"I will be the one you pray to."
"I am your future ruler: Subaru Natsuki."
"Under me, you will only feel the pleasures of life, and none of the terrible things that life has to offer."
"And finally, the last thing I will do for you all... "
"It might be hard, but I will try my best to do it."
"I, Subaru Natsuki, will give you sen
Subaru took a seat near the other nobles, trying his best to fit in.
After pretending to be a son of a random noble, Subaru was surprisingly let inside of the hall. For a high-class event, there sure was little security for the occasion.
"..." Many nobles around Subaru gave the boy weird stares, obviously being able to tell that the raven-haired boy was different than the others.
"You gonna eat that?" Subaru asks the nobleman next to him.
In the nobleman's hand was a pealed appa. There was nothing to special about the fruit, but maybe because it was held in a rich man's hand, the fruit instantly became more appealing to Subaru.
"N—" The nobleman wasn't going to eat the appa, but he couldn't even say he wasn't before Subaru grabbed the fruit from his hand and took a bite out of it.
"Dhanks man!" With a mouthful of appa, Subaru thanks the man.
The nobleman doesn't respond to the boy, and tries his best to avoid having to interact with the boy.
Luckily for the nobleman, Subaru would have to keep his mouth shut, as one of the wise men spoke up.
"Ahem. This meeting will now begin." An old man says, his voice making any chatter in the room come to a halt.
"I think that means we should be quiet."Subaru nudges the guy next to him.
All four candidates to the throne were standing behind their respective podiums, filling four out of five of the podiums. They patiently waited until the wise men called upon them.
Next to three of the candidates stood their knights, with Emilia being the exception, as she is yet to crown someone as her knight.
"Before we officially begin our discussion, the sword saint has a few words to say."
"I wonder what he has to say!" Subaru quietly squeals to the nobleman.
"But I guess we'll have to find it out next chapter, that's all folks!"
"End the chapter."
BOO! I'M STILL HERE BTW!
I KNOW, I KNOW. YOU'RE PROBABLY YELLING AT YOUR SCREEN 'WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHRISTMAS AND MEETING THE CANDIDATES CHAPTER!' calm down...I know it wasn't what you thought it would be, but it's no need to tell at me :(
Anyways, I've already complained over at my main home, so imma be positive here. Merry Christmas to you people, and Happy Holliday to everyone! Love half of ya! Until next time, peace!