Over at organized crimes Jet Slootmakers got the text from Elliot. She was a bit confused as to why he wanted the addresses. But also where he was on her squad she just figured she would do what he wanted.

"Copy Stabler"

Meanwhile as Jet was trying to locate the addresses for Elliot, Olivia mad her way to Amanda's. She had to have Amanda know that she supported her and had her back.

Amanda had been in her apartment upset but at the same time she was used to the feeling. Olivia had been doing this alot to her lately and it really hurt. She wondered where the relationship went wrong. Grabbing a beer she went and flipped through her channels to find something on tv. She ended up finding Shades of Blue. A good cop show where you had a hard time diferentiating who was a good cop and who was a dirty cop. She dozed off a bit and woke up to the barking of Frannie. Someone was knocking on her door.

"Ssshhh Frannie." She got up and made her way to the door. Opening it to find Olivia on the other side of the door.

"Liv, it's after eleven at night. What brings you by?"

"Amanda, may I come in? You told me to stop by when I got done talking with the vic."

Amanda waved her hand to tell her to come in. Olivia walked in and went over to the couch.

"Look, Amanda I want you to know I didn't blow you off. I knew we needed to talk. My victim was assaulted and I had get her taken care of. You're are still a priority to me. I want to work on fixing us and what is going on here. Amanda you're my girlfriend and everything has gone to shit since before the ceremony."

Amanda looked at her, "It's cause I suggested the idea of coming out to them about us. Olivia I have no shame or embarrassment. I love being with you and I'm proud to be with you. That's all I wanted to do. Was to show them how proud I was to be lucky enough to have a lady like you by my side. As ready as I am for them to know and to be out with you, I need to respect the fact that you're not ready for that. It just hurts, and I can't help that Liv."

Olivia looked over at her once more. "Amanda I understand that. I just didn't think that the ceremony was the right platform. I don't blame you for wanting to put it out there and make it known, just there wasn't the time or place."

Amanda shrugged "Then I don't know what to do Olivia. Yes I do care a whole lot about you. I just can't keep going in a secret relationship. Those don't work for me. I get it, I get it more than you know that you're my superior and that's dangerous waters. At the same time I don't care, I've already had so much taken from me, why should I let my happiness be put on the back burner?"

Olivia was stuck and she knew Amanda felt she was being stubborn. "Look Amanda I know you think I'm being stubborn on this, or that I want to keep this a secret. I don't, I'd like to go out with you and just be a normal couple but right now I can't. I am the Captain of the squad Amanda. Carrying on with my subordinate isn't good for either of us. The repercussions would be very bad."

Amanda looked at her, her eyes filled with hurt. "Well what is it you want Olivia? Do you want to just break this off. Cause that is what it sounds like. Because I'm telling you right now, I am not going to keep it a secret. I can't nor will I have a secret relationship. I dont fucking ask for much, but I know for damn sure that I dont want to be hidden like I am an embarrassment." She swatted a tear coming down. "Look I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Yeah it's late, but I've been through enough for one night let alone this past week." She got up and walked to her door to show Liv out. "Fun shit, I get assaulted and lose my girlfriend all within a weeks time. Don't worry I'll ask Fin to be my rock through this since I want to pursue charges. I don't have to worry about a relationship blowing up in the midst of a trial cause apparently I'm single"

Olivia had no idea of how to respond, so she did what Amanda asked and left. "For what it's worth Amanda, you arent the only one in a fucked position. I can lose my job, everything I have worked so hard for, and for what? For something I'm not sure is even going to last. Not to mention going after someone who I worked with, and have had to confront cause of another person coming forward. But I will make it my priority to tell them my girlfriend wants to come clean. Yeah I think not right now."

Amanda closed the door after Olivia left. Just when she thought she couldn't be hurt anymore. This happens. She was afraid to lose Olivia but it couldn't just be her in the relationship. She hoped Olivia went home and thought long and hard about everything. She herself was thinking if this was really what she wanted and needed.

Olivia's Place

Olivia had gotten home. Thinking to herself, what had she just done? Why did she have to just have her job? Why wasnt she allowed to have anything to make her happy? Then there was Elliot. The man who used to be her everything until he just upped and left. He comes back and throws her life into a whirlwind. He assaults not one but two of her officers and one of them being her girlfriend. Well now technically Amanda was her ex. Because Amanda wanted them to be upfront and out not that she could blame her. She was scared. She had every right with everything she had been through. But did she really want to lose the one person in her life that accepted her for who she was, she didn't have to fake anything. Amanda had seen her scars, she hadn't been like the others and told her to cover up or turn the lights off. She accepted them and still made her feel beautiful.