On the Tip of My Tongue – Part IV

Song Inspiration: One More Day – by Vast

AN: Okay fam! This is the last chapter to wrap up this series. I'll be honest, it's not as light hearted as the rest, because we all know what awaits our favorite couple. But rest assured they have a happy ending . I heard this song in Smallville and it's been playing on repeat in my head ever since so I knew I needed to pay ohmage to this beautiful song. I don't know why, but I just pictured Damon sitting at a bar drinking his sorrows so that's what I'm gonna give you. The way I'm telling it also fills in some of the blanks from the original story. Hope you enjoy and I'll be back with another story soon! – Vanessa

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Have you heard?
Have you tried to understand?
It's all right
It gets easier with time

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Two Years Later:

He must have read that note a thousand times. I'm sorry. He couldn't wrap his head around what it all meant. He found it on the kitchen counter, tear-stained and crumpled, telling of her state of mind when she wrote it. He left her with a smile on her face that morning; making plans for a getaway weekend, just the two of them. There wasn't a single warning sign for this, and it left him wondering if this was all some lucid dream. It seemed like just yesterday that they were planning their future.

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Two Months Ago:

Damon kissed the top of her head as she curled into his side, resting her hand on his chest and her leg over her his. "Where would you want it to be?"

"Well, here of course. Right at the top of the bluff that overlooks the valley, the view of the mountains in the distance. Just a few people; intimate…and afterwards we ride off on our horses." She smiled wistfully, tracing circles on his shirt.

"And after?"

She leaned up on her elbow, her hair falling around her shoulders. "After, we havebigparty; our last hurrah before we start trying for babies."

His grin widened. "How many?"

"I want, like…an army!" The both laughed and Damon lovingly brushed the hair behind her ear. "At least three – no four. Maybe five? My dad is the oldest of five. And this ranch can be a legacy we leave them, that they can pass on to their children – our grandchildren, and so on and so forth for another hundred plus years."

"That sounds perfect, baby. I can't wait." He said seriously. Damon always wanted a big family of his own; and he wanted nothing more than having that life with Bonnie. He could picture the face of a cute, chubby cheeked girl with her brown skin and his eyes, and a rambunctious, mischievous little boy that he could teach about life, and how to hunt and to be a man. From the moment he met her, he knew that she would end up being his whole world, and Damon was only fourteen then. Now seven years later, he was positive that he'd never love anyone more. "Promise me that one day this will be reality. Promise me you'll be my wife."

"I promise." She whispered, cupping his face, and kissing him sweetly. "I love you, Damon."

"And I love you more." He snaked a hand around her neck, and pulled her down for a sensual kiss that had her moaning and straddling his hips.

.

So, what happened? What had he done wrong? Damon racked his brain for the answers that continued to elude him. Had he scared her away? Did she wake up one morning and decide she didn't love him anymore? The more he thought about it, the less it made sense. Bonnie was supposed to be the love of his life. The woman of his dreams…the mother of his children. Now she was gone, and she took a piece of him with her.

He sat at the bar dejectedly, the crumpled note a tight ball in one white-knuckled fist and a full glass of bourbon in the other. No one dared to bother him. He hadn't moved for hours, and he didn't intend to leave until either they ran out of alcohol or the bar closed. His eyes drifted up to the clock on the wall; the latter was fast approaching, but that didn't deter him. Instead, he let the rest of the bourbon in his glass warm his throat, and tapped the bar for another.

He tried everyone; Elena, Caroline, Lucy, even some of her friends on campus and no one had anything to offer him besides sympathy. Not even Rudy could tell him why she left, he seemed to be just as left in the dark as he was. What was he supposed to do now? Go about his day pretending that half his heart didn't just walk out of his damn chest? Where was she? Why did she leave? Was she safe? All these questions ran through his head like a news ticker. How long would this last? A week? A month…forever? The thought alone almost made him forget how to breath.

.

How are you?
Are you ever coming back?

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So denial was the way he was going it seemed, because the alternative was beyond what he was capable of. She'll come home. Bonnie will come home. He repeated hoping to convince himself.

…

Three Weeks Later:

Bonnie had no idea how long she sat in the tub for, but if the cold water and her pruning finger tips were any indication, longer than she should be. Her sobs had knotted in her throat painfully hours ago to the point where she physically could not bare it; now the tears fell down her cheeks unchecked and silent, mixing with the bathwater below.

What was she going to do? Lucy had given her a choice; a painful one, but a choice nonetheless. She could have this baby, tell Damon the truth, and let the pieces fall where they may or…don't have the baby. There was a heavy weight that sat deep in her chest with those words. It seemed like a simple solution; she could pretend like it never happened, start fresh, go back home to Damon and pick up when she left off. But Bonnie knew it wasn't that easy. It would be a dark cloud over her head for as long as she lied about it. Would he see her differently? Would he even believe her? Or will the thought of some other man having hurt her this way ruin him in more ways than one? Would he ever be able to forget about it, or will it stay with them forever like a stubborn stain in your favorite shirt?

No…she couldn't go back. No matter the outcome. She could never go back…

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I have changed
And I've realized I was wrong
I was wrong

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Three and a Half Months Later:

Bonnie heart leapt in her chest when the phone rang. It was usually Damon. No one called this number, or this frequently other than Damon.

With the phone to her ear, Lucy looked to her niece, who shook her head. "She's not here right now Damon." He had been calling almost every day in the hopes he'd get a different answer, but so far, she had avoided him.

On the other end of the line, Damon let out an exasperated sigh, running a hand over his face. "Lucy, please…I need to talk to her. I just need to hear her voice; I need to know she's okay."

"She is okay. And when she's ready, she'll talk to you." It broke her heart to say it. "You have to let her go, sweetheart." Lucy had known Damon from when he first got to the ranch, and watching her niece fall head over heels in love with him reminded her of Abby and Rudy.

The pain was evident in his voice. "I can't. Lucy, you tell her that I need to hear from her…or I'm gonna come down there and she can tell me to my face." He promised sternly, before hanging up.

Lucy hung up the phone, and turned to Bonnie. "You're going to have to talk to him sooner or later."

She scoffed. "And tell him what?" Bonnie spread her arms, exposing her growing belly. "How do I explain this, Aunt Lucy?"

"Well, the truth is a good place to start. You didn't do anything wrong, Bon…and neither did he; why are you punishing him?" she asked sitting on the couch next to her.

"I'm not…but I just…I can't face him. Not after what happened." She admitted miserably. "I can barely face myself." It had been a hard choice; and she sat outside the abortion clinic for over an hour before she left without going in. She showed up on her aunt's doorstep, crestfallen and beaten down begging for help and swearing her to secrecy. Lucy was the closest thing she had left to a mother, and that's exactly who she needed right now.

Lucy tucked a stray lock of hair behind Bonnie's ear. "Well…you need to tell him something, baby. Or he's gonna fly down here and find out for himself."

.

The days seemed to drag on forever, and the fear of him coming here and finding her this way had her looking over her shoulder wherever she went. She needed to end this. Bonnie swallowed the lump in her throat, and her trembling hands pushed the numbers she knew by heart, crossing her legs in the center of her bed.

It rang.

She almost hung up. It rang again.

Second thoughts.

It rang…and rang…and rang.

She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath.

Beep!

"Hey…it's me." Her voice wavered. "I know you have questions, and someday I'll have the answers…but right now I just need time. There are things I need to work through…alone." She sniffed, wiping her nose with the cuff of her sleeve. "I want you to know that I'm okay, and I'll come back when I'm ready…but you can't come here, Damon." She had to cover her mouth to stifle the sob, and waited a beat to collect herself. "I'm not ready to see you. Not yet. Just um…just don't wait around for me, okay?" She had to hang up before the words I love you threatened to spill from her lips. She wanted to tell him so bad. She wanted to take it all back the second she said them…but this was the best thing she could do for both of them right now. She tossed her cell phone across the room watching it smash against the wall, and she curled into the fetal position, wrapping her arms around her full belly.

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Now I'll never see your face anymore
Oh my Love
I'd give anything for one more day with you

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Three Months Later:

It was the hardest day of her entire life. Not only had she gone through forty-six grueling hours of labor, but now as she held her daughter in her arms, she was going to have to give her away. The tears hadn't stopped coming and she didn't know if they would stop, but for right now, she was going to commit every feature of this little face to her memory for as long as they let her. She was so beautiful; it was hard to believe she could come from something so ugly and destructive.

Lucy was beside her, her heart breaking with the pain on her niece's face. "Honey…you don't have to give her up, you know? You're allowed to change your mind." She encouraged softly. She was of course supportive of Bonnie's chose to give the baby up for adoption but she'd be lying if she had hoped deep down that she wouldn't.

Bonnie sighed sadly, but her eyes never left her sleeping daughter. "I can't…she deserves more than what I can give her right now." She passed the baby to her aunt, finally breaking eye contact. "After everything that happened…I just can't."

Lucy was enamored with the sleeping angel in her arms. "I could take her…" She offered. She'd always wanted kids of her own, but her career had always taken priority over her relationships, and now at forty-two years old the moment to start a family of her own was slipping away. She glanced at Bonnie hopefully. "You know she'll be in good hands, and she'll be here if you ever change your mind." She could see the wheels turning in Bonnie's head. "She's family, sweetheart. No matter the circumstances of how she got here."

Bonnie blinked away tears. "You would do that?"

"Oh honey…of course. You know, your mom and I got lucky. After our mom left us, we ended up in a good home, but not every child does." She turned her pleading eyes to her niece. "Let me do this. Let me give her the live she deserves."

The doctor knocked, popping her head back in. "Have you made a decision on the legal guardian for the birth certificate?" she questioned gently.

"Yes…" Bonnie swallowed down the painful lump in her throat. "Lucy Collins. Lucille Allison Collins is the mother." It was the hardest thing she had to do…but it was the right thing to do.

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I'm getting through
I wish you felt the way I do

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Five Years Later:

He had no idea what he was doing here. He'd never felt so out of his element, surrounded by men in suits, a tie snug around his own neck listening to the business proposal being offered to him. There were several other ranch owners in attendance, each looking just as out of their element as he did. Rudy would be better suited for this, but he had asked Damon to do this for him, so who was he to argue. No one knows the worth of this ranch more than you Damon. I trust you to make the right decision.

So he couldn't let him down. In Damon's opinion, what these New York City big wigs wanted was more than what they were willing to offer. They wanted to build a resort; the new Aspen, as they claimed in their pitch, and all it would cost them all was twenty percent of each property. But what happens after that first twenty percent? What happens when they need to expand? Damon's mind was made up before he even walked through the door of the fancy hotel conference room, but he sat, and he listened even though his mind drifted from time to time. It was more than halfway through when his eyes caught a glance of someone through the closed doors.

No…it wasn't her. Was it? All he could see was the back of her head, but he'd know her anywhere. Instinctively, he got up, slipping out of the seminar in curiosity. Just as he was out the door, she was turning the corner down the hall. "Bonnie?" He called out hesitantly, following with a light jog. "Bonnie!" When he reached the corner, all he saw was another empty hallway. Was he imagining things? Maybe. It wouldn't be the first time he thought he'd seen her, mind you that was usually after many drinks. With a disappointed sigh, Damon turned and headed back to the conference room.

Bonnie caught her breath, placing a hand on her rapidly beating heart and leaning her head against the shut door. That was too close. She knew he'd be here; she'd seen his name on the guest list. When her law firm advised that they were handling the legalities of ranch buy-outs she was quick to decline the spot on the team; it would be a conflict of interest of course…but she couldn't resist tagging along. She had watched him enter the hotel from afar, fixing his tie and his cuffs looking adorably uncomfortable. She'd only seen him in a suit once at her prom, and it was safe to say he looked even better than he did then. He had filled in; his shoulders broader, his chest and arms more muscular. It took everything in her not to run right into his arms, instead, she stayed out of sight, her gaze following him as he moved with the crowd. She kept him in her sights during the seminar, committing every detail to memory as if it would hold her over for a lifetime. She didn't expect him to glance her way, and in a moment of panic, Bonnie spun around and ran for the hills. She surprised even herself with how quickly she could move in those heels, but the fear of having to face him after all this time was enough to fuel her.

That was the last time she came back to Montana. She was wrong to think that she could ever come back.

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I have changed
And I've realized I was wrong

I was wrong
Now I'll never see your face anymore
Oh my love
I'd give anything for one more day with you

…

AN: Sorry for the long delay! I have had a few stories on the go and I'm bouncing back and forth. Also, life…lol you know. That's all she wrote for this one. I didn't want to end it on a sappy note, because we all know the tone it sets for the story it precedes. I also encourage you to listen to this song because it's heartbreakingly beautiful in my opinion.

I'll be back with other Bamon stories but need to get out a chapter 'On the Road So Far…' first I think. I've kept some people waiting with that cliff hanger lol. Thanks for reading as always, I really appreciate it.

Vanessa