FirstWinterLight: Honestly, that's a bit of an oversight on my point- but I definitely will use it as a minor element in the future. Thanks for being so attentive though, it really does help me stay within the rules. And similarly, there was definitely a reason I brought up Ping- remember her other student~
WritingUgo: Trust me, I want these updates to come faster too- they're so much fun to write. Thank you for your patience.
Guest: I was waiting for this chapter before I could answer definitively: One more chapter, and then the first smut~
ASM769476: Here's another dish then!

In a thousand years, I never would've imagined my trip to Liyue gaining a pseudo-routine. And in one million years, I never ever would have predicted said routine to be this strange, have this many tasks, or be quite this strangely fulfilling…

All I'm saying is, this is why I don't gamble- I would suck at it. A smile imagining this possibility works its' way across my face. Destination: Wanmin Restaurant, again. It's been a several days since the whole 'setting up a base in Keqing's house' thing….and the whole 'got a fucking job' thing. I've decided to use my new employment excuse as a way for me to branch out to the Pavilion, so I now jog over there every day I can. Don't get me wrong, the stairs are still an absolute bitch and I still haven't spoken a word to anybody who isn't the Yuheng or Xiangling (Ganyu unfortunately included) on my trips there, but it's all about the final few steps of home building…

Fun fact: One time at the top of the stairs, I saw Madam Ping talking to, of all people, Yanfei! What about? I have no idea- the instant I saw her pink hair, I completely left the premise. If there's one thing I do know about lawyers, don't do anything suspicious near them. But I do wonder the connection between those two, oh, and why Yanfei wears such revealing clothes… but that's probably unrelated huh?

Oh, and as for the hypnotism part of the day? Some real progress has been on that front actually~ Let's see if I can demonstrate that as I head into Wanmin… ah, perfect! In the same table as the first time as well~

"Ah Keqing, good evening!"

"Hm? Oh, it's you~ Likewise~" A strand of purple hair is expertly tucked away the Yuheng, who gives a welcome smile and a not-unnoticeable blush, pink glow spreading to her cheeks. And of course, a plate of shrimpy goodness is directly in front of her, pieces clearly missing already. That gives me an idea! I take a cautious look around, plant the basket I'm holding down, and extend my arm.

SNAP
"Give me three Shrimp Balls. Ladies must keep their perfect figure after all."

"Yes…as you wish." Right away, Keqing obeys, silently placing three pieces of her food into my now-open palm. The food is then immediately scarfed down with a hearty 'om-nom-nom'- Xiangling's cooking is still incredible. I return Keqing to normal with another snap, making her believe she just gifted me with food solely out of the kindness in her heart.

I probably made that look so easy huh? Well, there's more to it than appearances would suggest. I didn't make it so Keqing falls into trance just from the sound of fingers snapping- there's no way to differentiate my 'snapping sound' from another person after all, and we do NOT want her getting hypnotized at work. So instead I opted for the next best thing- a sequence. Hear my voice, see my hand, then hear the snap, and presto~ One hypnotized Yuheng!

The way I'm saying that makes it sound like I'm offering her up. Can you imagine?

"Hey everybody, wanna see something insane?!" SNAP
"Keqing, strip for these lovely gentlemen!"
"As you command."

And then the crowd goes wild or whatever. Hey, if this whole adventure goes sideways, that wouldn't be the worst finale in the world.

Saying goodbye to Keqing after that and retrieving the basket, I pass by several more tables on my way to the actual kitchen. The 'do not enter' sign is completely ignored again, pretty sad. Speaking of things that repeat, it isn't long until I'm accosted by one smiling Xiangling Mao once again.

"Ooooh, nice haul~" She doesn't waste time does she?- already vigorously whipping freshly-picked Mints, Apples, and some wild Cabbages that I stumbled upon from the gifted basket- trying and failing to keep her drool inside her mouth all the while. "Ahhh, these are perfect! Let me put them away!"

"Ok, just don't forget the deal…" I gesture with eyes downward back to the basket, where some fake gold shines. The deck of cards that is quickly seeing a lot of use. "And some dinner would be appreciated. Can I have the Mushroom and Pork Stir-Fry?"

"With Jueyun Spice?!"

"..Absolutely not."

"Heheh~ Leave it to me!" Just like that, 'employee me' dies for the rest of the day. Xiangling rushes back to a counter, and I exit the kitchen entirely, looking for a table. Wanmin is relatively full today, but I find one and collapse- all this walking is really pushing me…

I've mentioned this before, but I haven't exactly been… popular throughout my life. A byproduct of my choice of 'career' you could say. Not that I have a burning hatred of society itself or anything extra like that, but there are times I wish I could just engage in something basic, normal… like hanging out with a friend.

So it's wild to me to think that Liyue of all places gave me exactly what I wanted, and in such frequency too.

All that is to say, Xiangling sits across from me, once again, eating a dinner of her own. This occurs every single time I do this by the way, but It's still weird to think about, let alone see- a chef eating from her own restaurant so happily and so often- like, does she truly never get tired of seafood? Naturally this leads to a whole lot of teasing by me, as well as some general discussion when we're both done with our meals- and subsequent card game. As for today's chat?

"So, what are you even planning to do on Lantern Rite?" That wasn't even Xiangling who asked, but actually me. "You're not working the entire day right? I get that the holiday season would give Wanmin the most money, but you must have other things you want to do, right?"

"Oh, don't worry about that. Gouba will take over me for some parts of the day~ Plus, we've got help from other places." Ah, probably temporary employees and the like- did she just swallow that fish whole. "So I'll have my free time. …After all, I have to catch your performance~!"

"Please don't hype it up so much." I interject, a bit sheepish. "It's just going to be a table, a hopeful audience, and some simple tricks. My fault for requesting a spot so late."

"Still not missing it~" Don't stick your tongue out so happily, you chipmunk. "Plus…" Suddenly, Xiangling leans forward, across the table, eyes gaining a dangerous twinkle. "I have a super-secret event to go to~"

"Oh, that's nice."

"…You were supposed to ask me what it is."

I roll my eyes… I take a 'do not pry into affairs' stance by default, for obvious reasons. Fine though, I'll play along. "Let me try that again. What are you talking about, O dear Xiangling?"

"Pffft~ Lean in…I'll whisper it."

"…..Ok, what's up?"

"Hu Tao- you remember her right?, Right!- she's hosting a grand dinner at Xinyue Kiosk the first night of Lantern Rite! She's inviting all our friends- it's gonna be amazing!"

I instantly pull back. "Xiangling, that is NOT a secret! At least not one that required you to whisper like you were confessing a crime!"

"I know~ I just wanted to do that whole thing at least once~" Hmph, cheeky girl. "But really, I can't wait for it! I'm sure Xingqiu and Chongyun will be there- they'll be back from Inazuma by then, definitely- and there's no way Yanfei won't come as well. Maybe Xinyan and Yunjin too…? Hm, I wonder who else she's going to invite… Hu Tao is always good for a couple special guests!"

"Is this like a yearly thing?" I guess.

"You know it! Nothing official or anything, but we all try to make it work."

"Hah! Well with such enthusiasm there, who could say no?"

"I mean…" Xiangling keeps her grin, but it looks more… distant? "I don't think anybody has yet, but Hu Tao has mentioned that it's getting harder and harder for everyone to meet up. So, I wouldn't be surprised if next year…"

"Ah, my bad."

"N-no! Don't worry about it!" She shakes her head quickly. "Everyone's just so busy with their jobs, but that's a good thing, right!? O-oh, have I even told you what they do?"

"Yanfei and Hu Tao gave me their cards on our trip to the parlor, remember? And the Xingqiu guy…works for that guild thingy?"

"Ok, saves me some time~ Chongyun is an exorcist, for getting rid of spirits and stuff." Wait, what!? The fuck? Do they have problems with that in Inazuma then…? "Xinyan is a rock-n-roll musician!" …We're just moving right along. Well, neat I guess, Fontaine invented that~ "Yunjun actually does something similar, she's a performer in the opera! Meanwhile, Keqing and Ganyu-" Hah! Oh, Xiangling, if only you knew how much I already know what those two do…!

And on and on she goes, face alight with pure happiness. It's almost a little crazy how clearly Xiangling loves her friends, not that I can talk. Although… when she begins to wrap her speech up, that same distant look comes creeping back, which definitely hurts the perfect view being witnessed.

"Hey… next year, do you think we-"

"Xiangling?! What are you-?" Out of seemingly nowhere, Chef Mao springs into view, interrupting his daughter. A weary smile is worn on his lips, right until the exact moment he sees me. "Oh. You."

"Sup, Boss?"

Chef Mao sighs and ignores my jab. "Xiangling, the evening rush is soon. Can you get this all ready?" He gestures to our now-clean plates, dinners gone. It's truly amazing (and amusing) how much that 'harbor incident' has damaged his opinion of me. Man… even if I wanted to, hypnotizing him to forget that day would take several sessions. Not worth it.

"Ok Dad~" Xiangling stands up, ending tonight's festivities. With a welcome smile though, she faces me again. "Think you can make it tomorrow morning too? I have a feeling we're running low on peppers again…"

"As long as the food keeps coming, I see no problem with helping."

Xiangling nods, Chef Mao- well, who gives a fuck what he does?-, and I bid them both goodbye with a short wave.

…But wow, a yearly party with all of your friends huh? Just her saying that makes some envious feelings swirl up within. I mean, it didn't sound like I was getting an invitation.

Oh well~ After all! if everything goes to plan, I'll have something better than mere 'friends' by then~ Much much better~ …And I may or may not pass by Keqing's (now empty) table again to remind myself of just that.

As is expected for this time of the day at this time of year, the air is crisp, actually borderline biting, wind very unhelpfully reminding me of that fact every time a stray gust blows into my face. I was never the biggest fan of cold weather...I mean, it's alright, but nothing beats the heat as far as I'm concerned- warming rays from the sun directing you to places never before seen, signaling that today is going to be simply unforgettable! …The world can be downright beautiful when it isn't trying to oppress you into never leaving the house! But it's for the sake of my "job", so I don't really have a choice- unless I WANT to disappoint Xiangling.

Although speaking of her, today's request… is really odd. Another religious check of Liyue's map confirms that I am still going the right way- north west from the harbor, passing by the stray Millelith guard and abandoned hillichurl camp on the way. The basket wrapped around my arm is already halfway full, having Apples, ripe Jueyun Chili Peppers, the same map, the deck of cards, and one pocketknife.

Wait- a knife? Well it's like this- I should've remembered something important about jobs with mentors: It's never the stuff they prioritize teaching you that actually proves the most difficult. Xiangling taught me to find the food yes, but she didn't say that actually plucking it from trees or bushes could be a real fucking pain in the ass- and a literal pain on the hand. A couple nicks, cuts, and ultimately, bandages from an ugly attempt at removing a Tomato resulted in the new 'gift'. Though… carrying a blade in my hand, even a pocketknife, doesn't feel right… so I leave it alone until I need it. Which, according to Xiangling, I won't need for this part. But apparently I also won't need anything?

"By the way… there's something else I need to get soon. Violetgrass, have you heard of if?"

"Nope, that doesn't sound familiar. But just tell me where it is and what it looks like and I'll pick some up."

"Heehee~ Thanks, but I don't think you'll be able to complete this- o-oh, no offense meant! S-Sorry…"

"…Um, none taken Xiangling? But why do you say that…?"

"Well Violetgrass are kinda hard to get, they actually only grow on the sides of cliffs around here, a bit high up. And well, you're not an adventurer so-"

"Tch, stop doubting me. Mark them on the map and I'll get them for you, I swear!"

"Fine, you asked for this! Just be careful, it's alright if you can only make a note of them~"

Yeah, I'm absolutely not backing down from this now, no matter how much further north and west I have to go than before. This is a great way to really show off my endurance too- something that's going to be very needed soon. Plus this technically counts as a brand new part of Liyue as well, which is something I feel in spades as the ground becomes more 'hilly' than before. Understandable, as mountains gradually begin to surround me on both sides.

And so, with the guttural cries of monsters echoing over the winds along my journey to substitute as background noise, I proceed to my destination: a physics-defying stone pillar. The trip is luckily peaceful, grass crunching and aforementioned mutters disregarded- until I actually reach the Violetgrass' home.

….Then said peace is destroyed, courtesy of yours truly.

"Xiangling, you fucking idiot."

The map of southern Liyue is checked. Then double-checked. Then triple-checked. And yet, tauntingly enough, it doesn't change on me… yup, this is the spot. That stupid drawing that a five year old could make that's supposed to be representing some Violetgrass… I'm standing directly at it. Or, should I say, under it.

Very, very, far under it.

If stands to reason that I don't know that much about Liyue's history or culture, just the basic information, like the fact that their Archon is Rex Lapis, Lord of Geo. And honestly? I have never felt that truth more than right now. It really feels like while Liyue was developing, Rex Lapis picked up a chunk of stone and simply hurled that fucker down like a javelin…g-gods do that kind of thing for fun, right? Regardless, the absolute tower before my eyes is downright jaw-dropping, stretching so very high into the sky- ow, my freaking neck….

But it's not the top of the pillar that interests me, no no. And if I strain my vision to its…to its' liiiiimit…. There they are~! In the cracks between, something I would never expect in Fontaine… a certain fauna stands out, three distinctly purple buds bunched up, shimmering against rays of the morning sun, boldly attached to the clumps of weeds that decorate the pillar's outer walls.

Violetgrass.

I curse Xiangling's name for making me recognize what those things are even called- can't feign ignorance and pretend she was wrong about their location.

What I CAN do however, is call the chef an idiot again. And so- "Xiangling, you absolute idiot~" -I absoulety do with a grumble. THIS is 'a bit high up' to you? Are you insane!? Is she insane?! The Violetgrass has got to be at LEAST thirty, no fifty, feet up! The only way a Fontainian is grabbing that sucker is if they bring that weird abandoned airship-thingy in the plains…

Well, that's not the only way actually. A much more direct path is of course to climb the cliff. Now everything Xiangling warned me about makes sense. But, vision-holders or no, I have seen plenty of adventures glide, climb, fight, and get over obstacles much more daunting than this! … so this is totally possible for even the most unathletic of men, right? Right~

Remembering what I said back in the restaurant to fuel my actions, the half-filled basket gets planted right at the base of my target. Luckily, there's just a bit of rock jetting out near the ground, so I use that as my starting point and a nice foothold. Now, let's see, if I remember right….. it's 'dominant hand, opposite side leg, other hand, dominant leg', rinse and repeat…? That sounds right, and it'll have to do, cause it's time to prove myself…!

Unsurprisingly, the stones feel just like this day, cool and a bit raw…it permeates my bare hands until they're indistinguishable in terms of temperature; seriously, does Xiangling climb this every time she needs Violetgrass? It's a wonder her hands are able to feel so warm at all. I'm almost certain she would be able to do this in a much shorter timeframe though, as for me, it's only when my hand is firmly in place, wedged between two or more rocks, that I suck in a tight breath through clenched teeth and heave my legs up to match. And then the same step must be repeated on the left side. I grope, blindly clawing at bare stone for a bit, before finding something secure to hold onto, wheezing in and out…and raising my body. Sometimes I'm fortunate enough to reach a part of this 'mountain' that has been overrun with vines and vegetation in the centuries before, allowing an easier target for the whole 'grabbing a foothold' part, but I still need to be careful, a nasty cut on my hands out of nowhere and the whole thing goes to shit.

Another set of growing painful advancements comes and goes, muscles quickly on the verge of declaring mutiny. Scratch Xiangling for a second; how the fuck do adventures of any kind do this daily? Is it all just because of training…? Fuck then, just like me and hypnotism/magic shows- it took me years to really grasp the subjects. I should've known, people don't normally go exploring up mountains like this…of course you would need experience first. Maybe I should retreat now, just to be safe? I AM out of my element, that's obvious…

Though if the Violetgrass is close by, that may be just what I need to gain the final surge of energy needed!

….Or not. It indeed COULD be close- but it also could still be an eternity away, because my fucking mind has been playing tricks on me, letting me think I've actually made some good progress, when I've barely advanced; not even halfway there!

And spoiler alert: It's the latter. Haaah….. oh shit…. Man… was Xiangling actually right about something? Is this just too much for me?

…No! Not if I have anything to say about it! It'll be a freezing cold day in the Abyss when thatnice idiot knows my own limits better than I do! (Wait, wouldn't the Abyss always be cold) I absolutely WILL climb this wall, I WILL grab that Violetgrass, and I WILL rub it in her wide-eyed cute face! But in the meantime, I do need something to distract myself from this brutality…hm, I know~ I'm going to take a page out of my own book and think of something enjoyable! Or better yet, a pair of somethings!

Let's close our eyes and imagine that fateful night behind Wanmin again, but this time, without Keqing acting as opposition~ Maybe she could've been off to the side as a lookout, or just gone entirely, but either way, I'll focus on Ganyu here!

…If the intrusive thoughts had won then…I'd probably bend her over the railing actually- the mental image of her being folded in half, completely unconscious even as a piece of wood presses fiercely against her bare stomach is so good…. Doubly so as her plump ass would be staring at my face, in perfect position for me to start diving in…!

I can see it- no, taste it~! With no restrictions of any kind, my hands slowly glide down to my waist, fiddling and twisting with the bands of my pants, dropping them after a painstakingly long time as the nerves briefly overtake. However, the ring of my belt collapsing against grass would serve as the final act of shedding off any apprehension. From there, boxers would slip off as easy as pie, revealing an impressive…well I'll refrain from describing that. But it would definitely be inches away from blissful paradise, grazes over Ganyu's rump just asking, begging for permission…!Getting closer would allow me to tenderly roam both hands up her juicy thighs and meaty love handles, making steady progress to the crown jewel; a lovely pair of fully-developed weighty orbs… As my left hand shifts, allowing itself to hover over two rosy tips, my right arm creeps up her back, shoulders, and neck, grabbing on to the cool pigtail and stabilizing my next action. Everything- everything- is in prime position, my legs start to feel Ganyu's skin melt against them…

Leading towards a spectacular flourish as my arms lock her in, my hips thrust forward, and Ganyu lets out a cute little half-unconscious yelp through slurred drool and obvious pleasure. They would continue increasing and volume and pitch, kind of like-

"AHcK!"

Not that! My eyes snap open, clumps of rock shredding my raw hands and knees as they get sucked quickly upward. The Violetgrass does the same, still waaay up there, confirming what's going on- I got too lost in thought, my hand missed the next 'ledge'…..and now I'm falling.

Shit! Shit shit shit!

I desperately paw for any kind of rock, anything to grab, anything.

Shiiit nononono noooo-!

*SPLAT*

You know…..It's a beautiful day in Liyue….

…..Ugggh…

I think I hear birds. I know I hear hillichurls yelp.

…That really, REALLY hurt….

And this silence- is a perfect opportunity to really expressive myself-

….Let's just sit up, crack my fucking spine back into place, and do that-

"MotherFUCKER!"

Phew…

…Wait, my stomach feels….really weird….

maybe getting up so quickly….w-wasn't the best…. I-idea….ULP!

There, now it feels like my mind's coming back to me…. A few minutes of making sure I'm all in one piece later, I look back to the small field of grass that have just been completely flattened by one falling magician… epic. Any expelled breakfast have been sucked into the earth by now, meaning my food is now becoming worm food…lovely to think about, truly. With a sigh and a snap of my neck to get rid of a crick, I know the truth- the fucking stupid Violetgrass is still 5 million miles in the air, witnessing everything and sneering. But if I couldn't get it before, there's no way it's happening now with half a shattered skeleton. I limp over to retrieve the forgotten basket, take one last look at my objective- man, that height is absolutely unreal, and start to back up, surrendering to the stink of defeat-

"Yeee! Yeye!"

"Huh?" I think I hit someone. "Oh, excuse me-"

Wait, who the heck am I talking to? There should be no one here-

"Ooolah!"

Wait, wait wait wait…

That primitive language…sounds familiar….

"Olah! Tomo! ...Ika?"

Right… …everyone in Teyvat would know what that sound is….Not a 'who', but rather… What's speaking is obvious…

Meaning, oh fuck. I finish turning around.

"….Ya! Ya-ya! Ika?!"

It's…a hillichurl. An honest to the Archons, live hillichurl. That head absolutely overrun with hair, er, fur? And that mask seemingly implanted on the beast's head…? Yeah, my eyes aren't playing tricks on me, it's indeed one of them. Attracted by the sound of me crashing, me puking, both, neither, I don't know… but it's definitely them.

"Um, hi?"

Ok, what the fuck did I just do that for. Hillichurls don't speak our language, they're savage beasts, there's no logic or reason to be had…and they really can be quite dangerous. I should just walk past this one-

"Guru-guru!"

Or not! I feel a sharp tug on the basket, yanking me back to the creature. Turning around, the hillichurl has lazily grabbed a piece of Jueyun Chili Pepper examining it closely.

"Guru…guru.." Going for food…um, is it hungry…? Wait, how the fuck do Hillichurls eat? They have no mouths! "YEYE! DU MOSI!"

Um, what? I'm about to vocalize my protest to its' sudden shouting, but "luckily", it becomes clear that I wasn't the intended recipient. From a nearby hill, two more hillichurls come into view, as lethargic and drunk-looking as the one hand deep in peppers. And 'hillichurl see, hillichurl do' so…

"Ya...! Tomo? Ika?"
"Tomo? Ika?"

It should be said at this point that I understand jack fucking and shit about the hillichurlian language. I am tired of hearing 'Ika' though. The first one says something else, and before I know it, the three monsters are all around my basket.

You know what? Fine, whatever. All of you, just take a pepper and shove it up your ass- I'll escape while you do that. And indeed! That's what they do.

"Mosi!"
"Mosi!"
"Mos- mm?"

Wait a second, the first one didn't grab a pepper. Instead it grabbed…the deck of cards?

"H-hey! Stop- put those back!"

Sadly, it's already too late. Hillichurls have the known dexterity of an infant, so the second it removes the deck from the basket, like half of the cards clumsily fall from its' hands to the earth. Of course though, this monster doesn't know any better, so it just clearly laughs in response to ooh colors!

I wish I could find this so amusing- now the deck is getting ruined! Again! I sigh…but then I realize that this is what I've been waiting for, really. The 'leader' is distracted by the deck of cards, the other two are occupied with food- no one has their hand in their basket. So I can just leave now…! A careful step away from the trio of ugly freaks confirms their obliviousness. Perfect~ Time to make myself scarce.

Sucks about the deck though, sorry Xiangling.

RIIIIIP

My heart stops- I freeze. That sound. That's a really, incredibly obvious, ripping sound. Of paper tearing into two, if not more. Meaning-

Looking back, I see around the leader's head- pieces flying amongst the breeze. Scraps, once a whole image, being carried away by the whims of the winds for a short time before meeting their final resting place on the dirt. A beautiful tool given by an obnoxiously-friendly girl, reduced to nothing more than gutter trash in the span of a second for the bugs and birds to eventually eat and shit out. All because of a hillichurl, the lowest creature on the totem pole, contributing exactly nothing positive to society. That fucking imp just did this.

But. I shouldn't care, right?

Indeed I SHOULDN'T care. I shouldn't let this affect me, and certainly shouldn't let this provoke me.

What would I care for? They're just playing cards. Cheap, ordinary playing cards that you can get literally everywhere. Xiangling said so herself even. 'They aren't much'. Just a simple present because I mentioned that my original ones got drenched. That's it. Xiangling would understand.

Right… she would get it… it's just her gift… being ruined….

Yup, there's no reason that the deck being exposed to the elements should get to me. No reason why half the cards getting caked with dirt should bother me. No reason why the hilichurl ripping a card for cheap, idiotic entertainment should absolutely infuriate me…!

Yeah, NO reason!

NO REASON AT ALL!

"YOU… YOU FUCKING OAFS!"

There's no time to think, I charge forward, wrap my right hand in a ball, and slam it into that hillchurl's fucking head!

….It moves precisely one step backward.

"Ika."

"What the fuck does that even me- GAH!" My hand is taken in by the hillichurl I tried to deck, who shoves it right back at me, much stronger than what I could muster. I lose my balance, falling to the ground.

"Biat! Ika!"

Damn, that's a high-pitched squeal- and it was apparently some kind of order too. I turn around just in time to see the other two monsters begin clawing at the dirt underneath them in a scramble. Soon after, they each hold a rock in their hands… you don't have to study them to know what they're planning.

"….Incoming!" I yell to nobody, clutching my head to it- not like that works though, In a heartbeat, the air is pierced by two distinct whooshes…which gives way to an explosion of pain throughout my neck. The first impact sends jolts, and the second is more like a knife's sudden plunge into raw flesh. I can tell- that one drew blood… Adding to this, there's third strike a moment later, likely the original hilichurl ripping away, clawing at my skin with the hands of fucking savages.

It hurts. IT HURTS LIKE HELL. AND I JUST WANT TO RETURN IT TENFOLD.

Gritting my teeth, I attempt to push myself back up- "Aaaagh! Get the fuck off me!" -but my screams fall on deaf ears that I don't even know if they have. What I hear though, is the sound of bones in my feet crackle under the hillichurl's legs…

Damn it! I don't have the pocketknife on me, and the watch…. Oh yeah, hillichurls don't have eyes! Fuck I wish I had a Vision! This isn't fair…! It's just three fucking hillichurls!

A sentiment that is repeated in my mind on loop as the demons flip me over. Preparing me for their revenge… it's easier to blame my circumstances and the god themselves first.

This isn't fair this isn't fair this isn't fair this isn't fair…

The last thing I remember before my body engages in the nonstop vomiting of blood is the one hilichurl I kind of hit cracking their knuckles somehow…letting out a low mutter.

I gulp in response. A fucking idiot to the end.

We all have our expiration dates. Man or beast, it makes no difference. Even the most powerful of us will fade, fall out of style, go down and never rise again. And well… clearly this punching bag has lost whatever luster it had when the day began.

Not a moment too soon.

The hillichurl's interest in beating me senseless is clearly getting too boring for them- thank god, I doubt those huge mitachurls would've let me live for long enough to see to this point… Now THEY'D probably shatter my spine into a million tiny pieces. But at least all I have to deal with in comparison is my rapidly-darkening vision, bruises all over my body, a bloody as hell gash on the back of my skull, and, oh yeah, probably a dislocated rib or two from falling off the 'cliff' earlier.

But I'm alive…numb throughout, but alive.

Still, no point ending the fun without an encore right? The hillichurls think so at least, as the center one wraps his cold smily, awful smelling hand around my neck, lifting me to my feet. They hopefully aren't smart enough to put pressure on such an area, so they'd probably resort to just punching me in the stoma- OOF! …Y-Yeah, like tha- OOF!

I really, really fucking hate these 'guys'. The only thing worse than the blows to my gut is the two absolute fuckheads dancing behind their leader! If I could just GET MY HANDS ON THEM-!

"Manifest!"

…Wait, there were two in the background? W-wasn't there? I mean, t-there are two hilichurls now, b-but that includes the one turning my guts into a fine p-paste…! But I s-swear this was a three creature effort…and that other one isn't even dancing anymore… He almost looks…scared…?

"Unleash!"

Ok, now I can only see one! Either my eyes have grown so weak that they're removing details of the world in my final moments of sentience… or something weird is going on here.

Wait, I'm not even being hit anymore- this hillichurl seems just as confused as I am.

…..I'm gonna kick this fucker in the goddamn head-

"Cryo Incarnate!"

THUD

Needless to say, I have no idea how I suddenly went into freefall, collapsing against the grass for the second time today- but I'll take it! My lungs immediately overcompensate, taking in large gulps of air, wheezing and coughing up specks of blood from going too quickly. I'm alive….

Fuuuuuuck…. What happened though? And why the fuck is it so cold?!

"…Can you hear me?"

My eyes sluggishly peel open, drawn to this unexpected voice. It's clearly feminine, but also sounds completely different to Ganyu, Keqing, and especially Xiangling…deeper, more mature…? Yet it's still a massive struggle for my sight to be regained like this, let alone make out the person speaking…

But once it does- dear god. Something inside me snaps, and my eyes almost pop right out of my skull.

The voice belongs to someone who is absolutely, incredibly, insanely, drop-dead gorgeous.

I explode into a sitting up position, which by all accounts should have caused me to ram into this person and completely ruin the moment. But instead all I receive- nay, am rewarded with- is a view I'll never be forgetting…

White is the word that immediately springs to my lips, despite not being a usual description… but this new woman certain fits the bill. Her face is extremely close to my own, allowing first access to witness just how pale, how unblemished her features are. Clear streaks of white hair perfectly part, showing an equally pure white left eye, solely focused on me. As for her right, it's mostly hidden behind a curled section of hair, but I still find myself wilting under her gaze. To top it off, she has thin lips pressed together in a line, expression showing no signs of even twitching.

Awkwardly, I back up and sneak a peek at her hands, which are similarly flawless… and this view allows me to make out something on her that isn't a shade of white. Half of her slender fingers are covered in a black glove, creeping up her arm to eventually reveal… A-another body suit… one that leaves precisely nothing to the imagination regarding her sizes.

And oh my Archons, is she blessed.

Where dark outfit meets a white piece of fabric, it's clear to see that her breasts are sig-nif-i-cant, absolute units, possibly rivaling? (No, probably surpassing oh my god) Ganyu's… and yet, as she pulling back from her forward lean, I can see that her slim sides somehow expand into very adult-shaped hips. And the presents just keep coming the lower my view goes…! Thanks to her outfit, I can clearly make out the full length and thickness of her legs (a perfect place to rest your head), and the extremely nice-looking gap between her thighs (a perfect place to feel the touch of Celestia!)

To sum it up….yeah, she has a figure only described in legends…literal perfection stands before me. Oh man!- what are the odds of me encountering two amazingly hot women in skintight outfits? I can NOT believe this~!

…It occurs to me drastically too late that I've been outright ogling this woman, madly gazing with no subtlety whatsoever. Damn it…! I swear to the Archons, if that costs me in some way with what she's about to say next-

"Are you alright?"

Oh… well, never mind then? "…I-I'm….fine… …You…." Right, voice still raspy and thoughts a complete mess.

"Are these yours?" Huh? I'm taken aback as she goes down to the grass and retrieves one bent playing card. That's her first priority?

I nod, but before I can try to follow up with 'don't worry about it' she's already walking back where she just murdered two hilichurls to gather the majority of my deck. Not like it matters, multiple cards are ripped in two, roughed up with bent corners, or caked in dirt and grime. Yet this lady just doesn't care even slightly, picking them up one at a time. Finally she walks back- going back down and grabbing the basket to deposit her collections.

"Um."

"Is something wrong?"

Why yes, many things, probable broken bone (and definite broken pride) being just a few. But the most important thing right now is to find out just who this sexy bringer of death is. So let's do the obvious and ask her name. Ask her name, ask her name…right…

"Um, my friend…wanted some Violetgrass around here…"

…Alright. I have NO idea why I just said that- or why I called Xiangling a friend. I further don't know why the only response I hear is an 'I see', but she disappears all the same. Wait, don't tell me…. A look back towards that pillar lets me make out that her white hair is tied in a pretty long ponytail, just like Ganyu. But she's only idle for a moment, as she leaps skyward onto the mountain firmly attached to its' side. And as if my jaw didn't just hit the floor, she just as effortlessly begins to scale the structure, quickly going out of my range of view. It's like she's running up a wall…

A solid minute goes by- before she dramatically slams against the grass in front of me from the heavens. She looks absolutely no worse for wear, as the one addition on her body is that her arms now carry not just one, but several clumps of Violetgrass.

How… How did she do all that? And so quickly?! Who IS this woman?!

Honestly, the most unnerving (and… enticing) thing about this is that her expression is totally unchanged. There is no smile, even a faint one, on her face for fulfilling a request, there is no frown about the incredibly direct method she used to achieve this, and there's not even a look of curiosity towards me about my identity or what I'm doing here and why I was attacked. She just heard a stray thought, and took it upon herself to accomplish it in my place. Like a damn mercenary or something…

"I hope this is enough."

The way she stuffs the Violetgrass in my basket so roughly stirs me. "Thank you ma'am…Xiangling will be happy."

"You… know Xiangling?" My neck snaps to her once again, and I'm treated to those same thin lips curling half a twitch upwards- she's smiling… Xiangling knows this woman….

And that's what finally makes it click. "You're… Shenhe, aren't you?"

"You know who I am?" And now comes the curious look I was expecting sooner- not that I'm really in the right mind to chat. Why yes, I know you from Ganyu after I hypnotized her the second time. Sadly, she neglected to mention what an absolute beauty you were, we would've been introduced with each other much sooner~ "Ah, I see."

That takes me out of my head again. "See what?"

"I was wondering what someone was doing looking for Violetgrass. But Xiangling must have sent you, perhaps warning you of my presence as well."

"Ah, not exactly…" I squeak out. "We're… friends." To impress and keep a woman like her talking, I don't mind lying at all.

"Friends… how quaint." Though that plan is proving rather difficult, eh? She doesn't say much. "Master does encourage me…"

"Hm?"

"No, no matter. One moment." Just to add further strangeness to this conversation, the next action completely crashes my brain. It's not everyday someone like this Shenhe goes down to my eye level… and touches my cheek, smoothly gliding over with her outstretched fingers.

"A-Ah…" Her touch is so cold! Unnaturally so… and that's how I remember that she also has a Cryo Vision somewhere. Still, there's a strong urge to pull back within me, but ultimately I bite my tongue and endure. I am NOT fucking wasting this! The way I can just feel myself getting lost in her eyes is pretty nice and relaxing, distracting me from whatever she's doing. …Hm, maybe I could convince her to try looking at something I've got too-

"You are hurt." Well thank the gods she finally noticed~ "I will assist in getting you back to Liyue."

"What do you mean by- Whah! O-oW! Ow ow! Too much…!" It feels like my arm was going to get pulled out of its' socket! That's not even the most shocking thing though- that belongs to the fact that I've gone from sitting against the grass to sitting on Shenhe's shoulder in about one second, basket now on my lap.

"Is this sufficient? I recommend holding on tightly." What the- HOW strong is this woman?! I know that Visions buff everything in a normal person, but this feels beyond that. She is carrying a young adult on one limb, and talking as if I weigh nothing! And wait- what did she just say?"

"Woah woah woah! Stop!" I scream. "If you so much as move, I'm falling off! Plus, you can't take me to Liyue like this!- aren't you embarrassed!?"

"Hm? Why would I be embarrassed? I am simply assisting a friend of a friend." Ohhh…so that's the catch. Should have known someone so beautiful would have a bit of a quirk, especially with the short answers and violating my personal space… Makes so much more sense now. Folks, we have a person that really doesn't get social cues.

I'd be happy to tell her this, but I make the mistake of fucking blinking, and end up in a completely different position again. This time both my hands are on Shenhe's shoulders, and I can feel my legs instinctively wrap around her…wide, feminine hips… wait a minute- nononono!

"U-uh… M-Ms. Shenhe?"

"Is this more appropriate?"

No not really! I am ON your back like a child! And there's something drastically more important! "D-do you feel anything jabbing youin the back? If- if so, I am so so sorry-"

"I do not. Now, are you holding on tight?" ….Alright, so either she's just being insanely polite in not addressing the sudden urge I'm getting… or she is genuinely clueless. Honestly it could be either one, and I'm certainly NOT drawing more attention to it!

"Um, y-yes!"

"Excellent. I have your basket, so there is no need to worry. I will protect you."

Strangely, I find myself not doubting that at all.

I did not know hillichurls have their own language, like officially. 'Ika' means enemy, for one.
Repeating myself from above: One more chapter, and then our first smut chapter with the lovely Ganyu. Oh boy...I can't believe it.