Chapter 9: Be Confident, Stupid! He's Gonna Wear THAT?!
"The path is over this way!" Naga called out from above the canopy of deciduous green leaves, floating with the use of a levitation spell. "I'll carry you over, IF you admit you got lost."
"I didn't get lost," Leodin retorted from below as he hacked his way through the thick underbrush with his axes. "And I don't need you to carry me everywhere, I can get through on my own. This way is faster than the main path."
"Sounds like someone is over-comp-EN-sa-TIIINNNG," Naga said in a sing-song manner as she floated lazily, watching Leodin struggle to make it through a patch of thorn bushes. "Leave it to a boy to make things harder on himself just to look tougher."
"I am exactly as tough as I need to be!" Leodin shouted up at her. "Why don't you just-ouch!" Leodin stopped to notice the thorns caught in his turquoise shirt and pants. His face turned red with frustration as he grumbled and muttered, carefully trying to pull the thorns out whilst pushing through to the other side. He had forgotten how he ended up in this situation, but he refused to ask Naga for help. Leo had had enough of her gloating.
Naga floated down and landed on the path ahead, watching as Leodin finally made it out of the thicket, covered in twigs and leaves and his clothes riddled with little holes. He glared at the sorceress's smug smirk and spat out a tiny leaf before holstering his axes.
"Leo, you're an absolute mess," Naga said with a wag of her finger. "You really should take better care of your appearance. No one is going to respect you if you don't respect yourself."
"Like I care if anyone respects me," Leodin replied defiantly as he moved on ahead. He looked down at his shirt and poked his finger through a hole in the chest, letting out a sigh. While his leather armor was still in good, working condition, the clothes beneath were becoming ragged. "I'll just get some new clothes in the next town."
"A makeover, now there's an idea!" Naga exclaimed with a clap of her hands as she followed him. "You should ditch the whole mountain bandit look. Try something elegant, yet daring. Something that shows the world your fearlessness and exudes an aura of domination!"
"What?" Leodin looked back at Naga with disbelief. "I just need a new shirt and some pants, that's all. Don't…don't make such a big deal out of it, sheesh…"
"You're so afraid to try new things," Naga sighed with disappointment. "Your insecurity would be hilarious if it wasn't so pathetic. Thank your beloved Krom I'm here to whip you into shape."
"Oh my-I am not insecure!" Leodin growled, his teeth and fists clenched while his red cheeks betrayed him. "Naga, if I pay for lunch, will you drop it?"
"I suppose…" Naga smiled mischievously as she stretched her arms above her head, squeezing her eyes shut and letting out a soft grunt. Leo took a glance as the rays of sunlight hit her just right before quickly turning away with a heavy sigh of frustration. Naga opened one eye and saw ahead of them the exit from the forest and a bustling town not too far off. As the two adventurers approached, they saw a large sign posted by the road.
"Welcome to Ronald," Leodin read the sign aloud, the letters drawn in bright red colors on a light blue background. "Guess that's the name of this town. I should really get a new map…"
"Well, you have fun with that," Naga said as she continued towards town. "I'm going to find the most expensive restaurant to dine at. Your treat, remember?" The sorceress shot the warrior a wink and stuck out her tongue. "Ta!"
"Hey now, wait a sec-" Leodin tried to say, but Naga was already sprinting off down the road and into town. "Where are we supposed to meet?"
"Don't worry, I'll find you!" Naga called out as a few startled townsfolk dodged out of her way. "I always do! Ooooohohohoh…!"
Leodin let out a long sigh as he trudged into the town of Ronald. "Well, she's not wrong…" The blond did have a few items he wanted to procure. Aside from the map, there was camping equipment like fish hooks, flint, and some extra bags for any extra loot they might come across. Leodin had always been able to make due with what little he had, but having someone else to help carry provisions was helpful, when Naga actually did bother to carry things.
Ronald was a relatively large town, with modern architecture of multiple stories and well-maintained streets. They were definitely out of the wilds and back into civilization. While Naga loved the comforts of city life, Leo was never quite at ease. Despite all the people, big towns like Ronald all covered in stone just felt lifeless to him, stagnant but not peaceful. A possible consequence of having grown up on the wild frontiers.
Leodin came to the town square and saw several large notice boards plastered with posters and parchments, surrounded by several other adventurers and mercenaries all looking to make a score, along with the average passerby..
"Hmm, better see if there's anything good posted," Leodin said as he approached and took a gander. The first notice that caught his eye was what appeared to be a recruitment advertisement. "Let's see... seeking talented tailors to join Miss Tatjana Dayward's coalition of…Adorable Haute Couture Seamstresses…what? No, next…"
Leodin's gaze went to the right to see what appeared to be a wanted poster and an elaborate one at that. On it was depicted, in full color, a beautiful young woman with pale skin and long, bright scarlet hair, bright green eyes and full ruby red lips. Leodin was surprised by her beauty, but the number listed below was what really caught his eye.
"Five hundred gold piece reward for the safe return of Sirene Fitzmeier," the dark blond read as he took the poster. "For more information, seek out Master Earlmont Fitzmeier at the Fitzmeier manor…" Leodin glanced back and forth to make sure no one was watching as he slipped the poster into his pouch. No need for anyone else to try and muscle in on such a large bounty.
"A kidnapping, maybe?" Leodin wondered aloud as he began making his way to the Fitzmeier manor. "Well, I can think of worse jobs than rescuing a hot girl for a load of money…" Even he had to allow himself a smirk this time.
Meanwhile, in the opposite direction, Naga was strolling through downtown looking through the various cafes and restaurants that Ronald had to offer. There was plenty to choose from, and right now Naga felt like seafood. She and Leo had been journeying closer to the coast since leaving the mountains, so fish were becoming a more common dish in their travels.
Naga turned a corner when a familiar sight caught her eye. There was a building across the street with a radically different design from the rest of the architecture surrounding it. Asymmetrical in both color and geometry, a mix of both square and circular windows and covered in splatters of paint. Above the door the sign read "Marty's" and it clicked for Naga.
The sorceress ran across the street and into the building, throwing the front door open and ringing the bell. She was met by the sight of all manner of outlandish clothing hanging from racks and folding onto shelves. There were low-cut shirts and small skirts with intricate patterns, belts and necklaces adorned with spikes and skulls, and plenty of Naga's favorite, revealing black leather bikinis.
"Hi, welcome to Marty's," a voice came from the back. Naga turned to see a young woman with long, strawberry blonde hair with lavender dyed highlights, pink eyes with matching earrings, and a red star sticker on her cheek, wearing a red leather bikini with spiked shoulder guards and cape. The young woman stepped up to the front desk and froze when she saw Naga. They locked eyes a moment before the blonde woman gasped and pointed. "Naga, it's you!"
"Ooohohohoho, yes, the one and only!" Naga proclaimed as she approached the front desk. "Marty Lenford, I see you're still in business after that trouble in Richard."
"Yeah, like, after everything that happened we got run out of town," Marty replied with a shrug. "We managed to start fresh here in Ronald, but it was tough going for a while. The townsfolk here have totally bogus fashion taste."
"Really? You seem to be doing just fine now," Naga said as she gestured around. "Something change?"
"Hah, you won't believe it, but-" Marty was interrupted by the jangle of the bell. The two women turned to see a young woman with scarlet red hair wearing an all too familiar outfit. She and Naga locked eyes before they both gasped and pointed excitedly.
"Mistress Naga!"
"Sirene!"
Leodin stood across the street from Fitzmeier manor, feeling bemused as he stared with a lopsided frown. It was two stories tall surrounded by an iron gate with a guard standing out front. The warrior sighed as he approached, mentally preparing himself for another rich idiot.
"Halt," the guard said as he raised his hand. He was dressed in a black uniform with gold trim and a tall, ornate dragoon helmet, a night stick hanging at his side. "What's your business?"
"I'm here to get information about this," Leodin said as he held up the poster. "This is the Fitzmeier manor, right?"
The guard looked at the poster, then looked Leodin over. He frowned, then took a closer examination of the axes at Leo's hips. He gave a nod and opened the gate.
"Alright, you pass," said the guard with a stern glare. "But watch yourself. I'll bring you to Master Fitzmeier."
"Don't worry, I don't plan on being here long." Leodin replied as he walked across the courtyard. The guard led him to the front door and ushered him inside, through the foyer, and towards the double doors leading to the main lounge. As they approached, Leodin could hear voices from inside.
"You'll be paid in full when I see results," came an older masculine voice. "I've already made the mistake of paying half up front before, which is why I'm only paying one fourth."
"But sir, for my plan to work I'll need more," replied a softer, feminine voice.
"No, I'll not entertain these notions any further Miss Tatjana. Don't return unless you have more information."
"Very well…"
The doors opened and out stepped a young brunette woman wearing a long, plain lavender dress. She closed the doors behind her before locking eyes with Leodin. There was an awkward silence between them as the woman examined the blond.
"Uh, hi," Leodin said with a small wave. The woman, Tatjana, tapped her chin with her fingertip.
"Hmph, your armor is impeccably well crafted, and the fur collar does well to enhance the rugged, wild aesthetic," the woman began. "But the fang's asymmetry just throws everything off, and the low-cut shirt and pants are just…awfully primitive. Cover that chest a little more, would you?"
"E…excuse me?" Leodin stammered, completely taken aback by the criticism.
"You are excused," Tatjana said dismissively before walking for the exit. Leo simply glared at her in disbelief before the sound of someone clearing his throat caught his attention.
"Dupree, another bounty hunter?" Asked the man inside. He had neatly combed hair and mustache and was dressed in a fine silk waistcoat. "I told you to weed out the lesser ones."
"I know Master Fitzmeier," answered the guard. "But this one's weapons are on par."
"Really?" Fitzmeier raised an eyebrow and beckoned the warrior in. "What's your name?"
"Leodin," he said as he stepped into the lounge and the guard closed the doors behind. "You must be Earlmont."
"That's Mr. Fitzmeier to you," said the master of the house. He stepped up closer to Leo and leaned over to examine the axes hanging from his belt. Fitzmeier's eyes lit up.
"My my, Dupree really undersold you," the man said as he straightened up. "I've a collection of fine weaponry myself, but none quite like those. Real Dwarven orihalcon shells, with spiral mythril cores and blades, with caster stones…you must be a man of exceptional skills to have acquired such rare implements."
"Aha, yeah, you're…you're damn right," Leodin replied sheepishly at first before composing himself. "You can count on me to rescue your…"
"My daughter, Sirene," Fitzmeier replied as he turned to face a portrait hanging over the fireplace. It depicted the same red haired woman from the poster. "I'll get to the business at hand. Some years ago, my sweet little flower made a trip to our summer home. I had wanted her to have a glimpse of the…common world, to prepare her for the future…however…"
"However…?" Leo asked curiously.
"However…!" Fitzmeier clenched his fist and grit his teeth. "She never made it. Sirene was betrayed by the bodyguard I had hired, the wretched Lina Inverse!" The merchant exclaimed with a flourish. Leodin blinked in surprise.
"Did you say Lina Inverse?"
"The one and only," Fitzmeier replied and nodded. "I had paid her half in advance because I believed her power would be enough to keep my precious daughter safe, but I was ignorant of her sheer greed and deviousness. Lina took her advanced payment, and then sold Sirene off!"
"Sold her?!" Leodin was shocked. Naga had told him Lina was bad, but he did not realize she was that bad. "To bandits?"
"Worse, a cult," Fitzmeier responded. "An organization of perverted degenerates! When I saw Sirene again, they had already brainwashed her. She was like a different person…" He turned to hide his tears. "Not only that, but she took half our fortune and gave it to that sick cult, and they've been spreading their disease. I've spent so much money trying to get her back that I've been reduced to this hovel and half my servants are gone!"
"How awful," Leodin said dryly. "So you've had no luck getting her back?"
"The brainwashing has been too strong, she refuses to come back to proper society and always seems to slip through my grasp," Fitzmeier said. "Just when I think I've got her back, she finds a way to abscond with more of my gold…my last resort is to take her as far away from this cult to a secret location where I can rehabilitate her."
"Okay…the constable hasn't done anything?"
"The constable is useless!" Fitzmeier yelled in frustration. "Says she's doing it willingly and there's nothing illegal about it. I'll be the judge of that. Look, if you can bring my Sirene back to me or even simply confirm where this cult is keeping her currently, you'll get your reward. She's been spotted around this town, that I know."
"Hmm, alright, I can do that," Leodin replied with a nod. "Is there anything you can tell me about this cult? What's the name?"
"Of course…they dress in absolutely horrendous clothing, little more than thin straps of black leather and a cape, and they signal each other with an ear piercing laugh."
"...uhhhhh…"
"They're called…the White Serpent Society."
"Ohohoho! Sirene, it has been too long!" Naga said with a wide grin. "Have you been practicing like I taught you?"
"Every day, mistress Naga," Sirene replied with a bow. "My mistress, you'll be happy to know that ever since that fateful night I've made it my mission to spread your teachings."
"Mistress Sirene, we'll need another order of size eights," came a masculine yet somewhat effeminate voice. Into the shop next entered a tall man with long, seafoam green hair and wearing the same leather bikini, cape and shoulder guards. His eyes went wide at the sight of Naga. "Ah, Mistress Naga! What are you doing here?"
"Alphonse, bow before our mistress," Sirene ordered sternly. Alphonse kowtowed before them in response.
"Yes, of course mistress Sirene," Alphonse said with his head down. "Please forgive my rudeness."
"You may rise," Naga said with a smile of satisfaction. "As to your question, Marty is an old acquaintance of mine and I thought to check in on her. Now may I ask, what are you doing here?"
"Oh, they're here to order more of these fabulous ensembles," Marty said as she pointed to the three. "Like I was saying, I was almost bankrupt until one day I met Sirene. She's started a whole fan club around you, Miss Naga."
"Fan club? My dear Marty, the White Serpent Society is a way of life, ohohohoho!" Sirene replied with a haughty laugh. "Mistress Naga, Miss Lenford has been a great boon to my efforts, supplying us with our regal vestments."
"Sirene totally saved my business," Marty added. "Every month it's a new order of the White Serpent garb. I just knew your look was going to be popular, Naga. We just needed to target the right niche."
"You don't know how happy I am to hear that," Naga said as she stood proudly. "Truly we are crafting a world of greatness and beauty."
"Mistress Naga, you must come to our next rally this evening!" Sirene exclaimed. "We introduce our latest members and practice our world-conquering laugh. Oh, we would love for you to give a speech and guide us on our next steps."
"A speech, hm? Yes, yes I suppose I should," Naga said with a nod. "Speaking of new members though, I have someone in mind who could really use some confidence training. He's a work in progress, a real tough nut to crack, but when I'm done with him he'll be my masterpiece. Marty, I need you to tailor me an outfit, not for myself but for my latest subject."
"Okay, sure," Marty replied as she took out a pad of paper and a pen from the counter drawer. "But I'll need his measurements."
"Of course. He's one-hundred and seventy-three centimeters tall, shoe size seven," Naga began to say and Marty quickly scribbled the sizes down. "Flat in the chest and a narrow waist, but wide at the shoulders, and he's got a nice big…"
Leodin stared down at the bright red lobster on his plate. He picked it up and carefully broke the tail off, steam wafting out. He had to admit, it smelled delicious.
"MmmmMMM!" Naga squealed with delight as she sucked the tender white meat out of the tail of her own lobster. She swallowed it and washed it down with a sip of wine. They were seated at a rather fancy seafood restaurant and certainly stuck out compared to the more finely dressed patrons. "Leodin you've barely touched your lobster. What's up?"
"Uh, nothing," Leodin shook his head. "I just…I've never seen a crayfish so big." The young man bit into the meat, and indeed it was the tastiest bug his teeth had ever made contact with. Perhaps he should have let Naga pick out their food more often…but right now he had other things on his mind.
"Did you find what you were looking for?" Naga asked between bites. "I see you're still wearing those rags."
"Sorry, I was too busy getting a new map," Leodin answered with some annoyance. He did not want to tell her about Sirene, especially when it seemed as though Naga was a part of a cult that kidnapped and brainwashed people. Was Naga a kidnapper too? Or had she been brainwashed? It would explain a few things.
"Well lucky for you, I got a little something…" Naga pulled out a box from under the table. Leodin eyed it warily. "Something that will help you overcome that insecurity of yours and teach you to have true confidence in yourself!"
Naga pulled the lid of the box open, and as Leodin looked inside he felt a shiver run down his spine. Inside was a cape, a skull necklace, spiked shoulder guards, and a leather thong with matching top.
"Wh-what?!" Leodin leaned back in shock. "You want me to wear THAT?!"
"Of course, it's the perfect way to build up confidence," Naga replied. "Wear it and you can be just like me! Oooohohoho!"
"Naga, there's no way I'm gonna-" Leodin began to growl, but stopped himself. He remembered what Fitzmeier had said about the cult. If Naga was indeed part of it, then perhaps he had a chance to infiltrate it. "...okay, I'll wear it."
"Come now Leodin, show a little- wait, you will?" Naga blinked in confusion. She honestly had not expected that response.
"Yeah, I'll…I'll try it on," Leodin said as he stared at the garment nervously. "Heheh, I'm not afraid of wearing this. Nope…"
Naga squinted at Leo with suspicion. She leaned in and stared at him straight in the eye. Leodin felt a cold sweat as her piercing ice-blue orbs drilled right into him. After a tense moment, a large grin spread across Naga's face and she leaned back, placing her hand beside her mouth.
"Ooohoho! It seems I really am rubbing off on you! Come on, finish eating. We'll get a room at the inn where you can change. Oooooh, I can't wait!" Naga smiled brightly as she chewed down on her lobster claws.
"Aha, me neither…" Leodin replied as he forced himself to smile.
"Leodin, what's taking so long?" Naga whined as she tapped her foot outside the bathroom door. "You need baby powder? Or lube?"
"What? No! Just, hang on!" Leodin called from the other side. "One more spot here, and there…" He let out a long sigh as he rinsed the razor and looked at himself in the mirror. Leodin was mortified by the sight before him. He couldn't believe he was doing this, but it was his best lead and he had to figure out how Naga was involved with Sirene.
Leodin took a deep breath and stepped out from the bathroom. Naga's eyes grew wide as she took it all in. Leo was dressed in the same outfit Naga was, albeit the leather was a dark shade of turquoise rather than violet, along with the same spiky shoulder guards, skull necklace, gloves, boots, AND tiara.
Unlike Naga, Leodin kept his belt and axe holsters on. The tight leather top hugged around a lean, muscular chest with just a bit of dark blond chest hair in the center. Below that was a six-pack of hard toned abs and a thong that, while somehow fitting him perfectly, left nothing to the imagination. His most distinguishing feature, however, was the scars that covered all over his skin.
"Oooo…" Naga leaned in to get a better look. Leodin's face was beet red as her eyes went to his pelvis. "Wait...did you shave? Were you shaving in there?"
"Yes, I shaved. Please don't make a big deal out of it," Leodin answered quickly through his teeth, trying desperately not to die of embarrassment.
"Hmm…not the chest?"
"That…stays."
"I suppose you are allowed to have something there to make up for a lack of pectoral mass," Naga replied with a shrug and a smirk, earning her a glare from Leodin. The sorceress quickly grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him out of their room at the inn. "Come now, we have a lot to do before this evening!"
"Huh? What's happening this evening?" Leodin asked as he was dragged by the tall, slender young woman.
"You'll see," Naga said with a wink. "but right now, it's time to turn this timid, fuzzy caterpillar into a fearless social butterfly!"
Leodin kept his eyes set dead ahead, unfocused on any of the people staring at him as he and Naga walked down the street.
Do it for the money, do it for the money, Krom give me strength…!
He wanted to drop dead.
"Ah, here we are," Naga said as they came upon the entrance to a small public park. "Yes, this will do, come on!" Naga grabbed Leodin by the hand and led him forward. He looked down at their clasped hands, feeling Naga squeezing firmly.
The blond glanced up at Naga's face to see her still smiling so brightly, her pale blue eyes shimmering without a trace of her usual air of smugness or superiority. It almost reminded him of when he gave her the lollipop. Leo would have started blushing, if his face was not already so red.
"Uh, Naga, what exactly are we doing here?" Leodin asked before they came to a stop in the middle of a trail. The sorceress scanned their surroundings. There were families out playing with their children and their dogs, and off further down the path was a man selling ice cream cones to a short line of kids.
"Okay, the first task is to order some ice cream!" Naga said as she pointed to the humble stall. "I want a double scoop of dark chocolate and pistachio."
"That's it?" Leo asked doubtfully. "...you just want me to buy you ice cream? After I already paid for the ocean-cuisine?"
"Being able to do basic things in public is the first step on your journey," Naga replied as she crossed her arms and sat down at a nearby bench. "Don't be scared now, hop to it!"
Leodin let out a heavy sigh as he steeled himself. "Krom, give me strength…" The blond walked towards the ice cream vendor and got in line. Eyes front, focused only on the ice cream stall, his legs shaking as he felt so many eyes on his garish getup and scarred body.
"Mommy, why's he dressed so weird?" Came the high-pitched voice of a small girl. Leodin groaned internally as he tried not to react. "He's almost naked!"
"Don't look at him, I don't want you growing up to be some sort of exhibitionist," the mother whispered loudly.
"What's an exhibittinest?"
"We're leaving!"
Leodin could feel himself growing lightheaded as the whispers grew louder. He prayed that the city guard would not be called to arrest him for indecent exposure. Finally, it was his turn to get ice cream. The vendor was a slim man with a long face and light orange hair with freckles. He just stared at Leodin awkwardly while Leodin simply glared, trying to keep his best poker face.
"I want a double scoop cone of dark chocolate and pistachio, a double scoop of banana fudge and caramel crunch, and no questions," Leodin said to the vendor with his teeth grit and eyes full of barely controlled fury. The blond slammed his coins onto the stall counter before the vendor.
"O-Okay, sir," the poor man squeaked and nodded as he scooped out the ice cream in a hurry and handed the cones to Leodin. "Have a n-nice day now…"
Leodin quickly snatched the cones and hurried over to Naga, putting on a smile that Naga did not seem to notice was quite forced and definitely fake.
"Okay, all done, easy peasy, here ya go now," the blond said as he gave Naga her dessert and sat beside her, his body trembling from the humiliating ordeal. "Boy, kids sure are precocious! Ahahahaha!"
"You got your own cone as well?" Naga asked with a tilt of her head. "Let me try some!" The sorceress leaned over, and with a loud slurp she ran her tongue from the bottom of Leo's scoops all the way to the top. Leodin recoiled in mild disgust.
"Hey, that's mine!" Leodin shouted in consternation. "Don't just go around tasting other people's food, ew!"
"Lesson two, my apprentice, don't sweat the small stuff," Naga chided with a wag of her finger. "A little extra saliva won't kill you, and I know you won't waste food. Besides, I brush my teeth twice a day. Really, you should feel blessed that a beautiful goddess like myself has left behind her essence."
Leodin's face twisted in profound frustration and disbelief. "It's-It's the principle of the matter!"
"Oh hush, here, you can taste mine," Naga said as she shoved her cone towards his open mouth. Leodin's protests were muffled as he got a good taste of pistachio before Naga pulled it back out. "Now we're even."
Leodin stared at the sorceress as she happily lapped at the ice cream that had just been in his mouth, his tongue and teeth having scraped a bit of the scoop off. He looked down at his own cone for a moment, seeing the melted droplets beginning to pool around the lip. Leo hated to admit it, but Naga was right, he was not going to waste his food. Leodin brought his ice cream to his mouth and gingerly licked it. If it tasted different now, he could not tell, and he decided not to think about it any longer. There were more important matters to attend.
"So, Naga," Leodin began to say after a moment of savoring his scoop of banana fudge. "I was just wondering, where, um…where did you get that outfit you're always wearing?" He needed to know the real origin of these outrageous clothes.
Naga paused her licking a moment, her smile vanishing. Leodin focused all his attention on how she would answer. The sorceress was still, almost tense before the smile came back and she relaxed.
"Just a gift, a family heirloom if you will," Naga replied nonchalantly. "Where did you get those weapons of yours, hmm? The Roaring Lions you called them? Were they passed down through your family line?"
Now Leodin was the one to freeze. He was not expecting her to ask him that. The blond looked out at the parents and children in the park, playing together and having fun. Leo shook his head slowly. "No, I don't have any family," he answered flatly. Naga quirked her eyebrow as Leodin went back to licking his ice cream.
"But someone had to give birth to you," Naga responded with a hint of what could have been either irritation or concern. "And someone had to have taken care of you when you were a weak, pathetic crying baby, right?"
"You do know what an orphan is, don't you?" Leodin shot back, glaring at her with annoyance. "I don't know who my mom or my dad were…I don't remember who first took care of me…it's all just a bunch of different faces blurred together…" He turned his attention back to his ice cream. Whatever information he had been seeking from Naga was quickly forgotten about. The sorceress pouted and resumed her ice cream consumption. The mood had quickly turned sour, but Naga was not about to have her good time ruined. She grabbed Leodin's hand once more and pulled him off the bench.
"Hey, what is it this time?" Leodin asked as he was once again dragged along, trying not to drop his cold confection.
"All these squealing children are ruining my appetite," Naga replied as she led Leo towards the park exit. "And we need to continue your training if we want to be ready for this evening."
"Would you please just tell me what's happening this evening?" Leodin asked. "You're making me nervous."
"Ooohohoh, that's right, you're much too nervous, and we need to iron that right out!"
Naga led Leodin through the streets once more, and by the time they finished their ice cream the sorceress had brought them in front of a small building with an elegant sign that read Kelpie's Grotto. Painted beside the text was what looked like a horse with a mermaid tail surrounded by green leaves.
"What sort of place is this?" Leodin asked as he scratched his head.
"It's a spa," Naga answered as she pulled him in. "Ah, I'd love to spend the whole day here, but there's no time."
The two entered the spa's front lobby, furnished by large, cushioned chairs in front of a wide desk. It smelled like lilies and grapefruit with a hint of raspberry.
"Hi, welcome to Kelpie's Grotto," said the perky young concierge. "We're doing a couple's massage promotion this week, if you're interested."
"Yes, perfect!" Naga said excitedly. "We'll take your earliest slot."
"You're in luck, we have one spot open right now!"
Before Leodin knew it, he had signed a registration form and dished out ten gold for a two-for-one deal couple's massage. They were soon in a room dimly lit by candles with burning incense, a small bubbling fountain in the corner, and both were now lying on a long table across from each other with nothing but a white towel to cover themselves…which still covered more than the leather bikinis.
"A massage?" Leodin asked as he dared to glance a peek at Naga. "How does this train confidence?"
"We've been over this, you need to learn to feel comfortable with your body and the bodies of those around you," Naga stated as she lounged on the padded table. "I mean look at yourself, you're trembling just because you've got some skin exposed. Besides, you're always so tense, you could use a good, deep, penetrating massage."
"Don't say it like that," Leodin hissed. He took a deep breath to try and calm himself. "Fine, fine, I can handle this…"
The door to the room opened and they looked to see two muscular figures step inside dressed in plain white clothes, one feminine and one masculine. The man was older, in his mid-forties with slightly receding salt and pepper-colored hair, a square jaw, tanned skin, and a bulky, barrel-chested body. The woman looked sporty and athletic with platinum blond hair pulled into a short ponytail. They both had bright, friendly smiles that showed off their perfect white teeth.
"'Hoy there, I'm Jonas," the man introduced himself.
"And I'm Jenny," said the young lady. "And we'll be your masseuses for today's session!"
"So just lie face down, make yourselves comfortable, and we can get started," Jonas said with a clap of his hands. Naga and Leodin did as they were asked, turning over onto their stomachs and placing their faces into the holes in the massage tables as the two masseuses prepared for the session. Leodin certainly did not like exposing his scarred back to a stranger, but he was not about to back out now, not with Naga here to judge him. All he could see was the floor below, but he could hear a cork popping out of a bottle and something being poured out.
"Okay Mr. Hawkfield, you've signed up for the grade three deep massage," Jonas said as he approached Leo's table. "Just let me know if you feel any sort of pain or discomfort."
"Yeah, sure, uh…." Leodin began to say. "Wait, Naga, what did you-gasp!"
Leodin's words were cut short as he felt Jonas' large yet smooth, oiled digits press firmly into his back muscles. The warrior's eyes shot open as nerve endings he once thought long dead were sparked back to life. It took all his concentration for Leo to stay still as his masseuse worked his fingers all along his back and shoulders, kneading every bundle of taut fibers like they were bread dough. Leodin's discomfort was only betrayed by a few small grunts and gasps. It was not exactly painful, but it was quite the feeling of having his hardened muscles being so easily manipulated.
"Hm, you're very tense Mr. Hawkfield," Jonas said after a minute. "Seems you've got some nerve damage in quite a few spots, but that can be fixed. Are you sure you're alright?"
"Yep, I'm A-okay," Leodin answered with a thumbs up while his face muscles twisted into an unrecognizable expression. "How you doing Naga? Naga?"
"Ooooooohooooooo," Naga let out a long sigh of pleasure as Jenny massaged her lower back. "Mmm, I'm in heaven, mmmmmm…"
"You have such wonderful skin, Miss Naga," Jenny said cheerfully as she poured a bit more massage oil onto the sorceress. "Do you have a routine?"
"No, it's all-natural," Naga cooed as she closed her eyes. "But please, go on."
"Glad to see you enjoying yourself," Leodin muttered as his arms were kneaded.
"Okay, we're done with the back, time for the front!"
"...front?"
Leodin felt himself being flipped over like a pancake, finding himself staring up at the ceiling. Jonas next began to massage Leo's foot, going up the calf and towards the thigh.
"Oooh, yes! Right there!" Naga exclaimed. Leodin turned to see the sorceress extending one of her long, slender, perfectly toned legs into the air as Jenny rubbed it up and down. "Mmm, all this adventuring made me so tight, I really needed this…"
Leo swore he saw Naga's toes curl. She glanced to the side and caught him staring. The sorceress shot him a little smirk and he quickly looked away. Now Leo's heart was really racing, on top of being filled with all sorts of swirling emotions. Now he had to concentrate on not showing his excitement while a large, beefy, handsome, middle-aged man touched him in all sorts of intimate places and seemed determined to tenderize his muscles like they were prime cuts of meat.
Naga spent the rest of the session giggling softly while Leodin used every fiber of his willpower to get through it without looking anyone in the eye. After what felt like an eternity, their massage session finally ended. The two rinsed themselves off and got dressed once more in their matching leather outfits.
"I'm glad you enjoyed our couples package!" Jenny said as she saw them off. "Hope to see you two lovebirds again!"
"We're not- oh, never mind," Leodin began to protest but gave up midway through his sentence. It seemed that everyone assumed a young man and woman together must naturally be romantically involved.
"MmmmMMM!" Naga sighed happily as she stretched her arms above her head. "Don't you feel better now? And what a trooper you were!"
"I don't…actually yeah, my muscles do kind of feel better," Leodin replied as he felt his back and flexed his shoulders. He took a step forward and his legs began to wobble. "Man, what the hell?"
"Oh, that can happen," Naga said with an amused grin as she watched Leodin lean against a lamppost for support. "Wow, I knew you were tense, but I never realized it was that bad! Ooohohohoh!"
"Yeah haha, laugh it up," Leodin growled as he steadied himself. "Are all these so-called lessons of yours just an excuse to get me to treat you?"
"Nothing wrong with that, is there?" Naga asked smugly. "It's working, isn't it? Aren't you feeling braver than you were before?"
"Now look-"
"What on Earth? I can't believe this!" Came a voice familiar to Leodin. He and Naga turned to see a woman with long brown hair and angry green eyes approaching them, wearing a very modest lavender dress and carrying what seemed to be a large suitcase. She pointed accusingly at Naga. "I had heard Marty relocated here, but you as well?"
"...who are you again?" Naga asked. "Your name has slipped my mind. Have we met?"
"Tatjana! Tatjana Dayward!" The woman shouted. "A few years back? In Richard? You blew up my atelier!"
"Oh, now I remember!" Naga clapped her hands. "You're that backwards prude that hired Lina to destroy Marty's atelier. You dare show your face after such a humiliating defeat? How very brave, yet profoundly foolish!"
"Huh? Lina?" Leodin whispered. The plot thickened. Did this have to do with the cult? Who was this Marty? Was Lina with them or against them? Where did Naga stand in all this?
"We defeated you," Tatjana retorted. "But I see you and Marty are back to spreading your revolting designs and being a toxic influence to…to…" Tatjana squinted at Leo a moment before she blinked in surprise. "Wait, it's you!"
"Uh…wait, it's you!" Leodin asked. Now he recognized Tatjana. "You're that rude lady who called my clothes primitive!"
"And yet somehow you've found something far worse to wear!" Tatjana shot back. "At least your previous clothing hid your shame!"
"M-my shame?" Leodin winced as he glared and growled at Tatjana. Just when he was getting used to wearing the leather bikini, she had to go and say that. "Why you…"
"Shows what you know," Naga said as she stepped forward between Leodin and Tatjana. "Only someone with no love for themselves would insist on covering their god-given body. You cover yourself head to toe out of fear of ridicule and claim it as high fashion to feel superior. Then you try to force others to cover themselves out of envy for their inner pride, the pride they feel in expressing their souls! I say the only one here deserving of shame is you, Tatjana Dayward! Ooohohoho!"
"...huh…" Leodin scratched his head as he let Naga's words sink in. "That…almost sounded deep…but I still have no idea what the hell is going on…"
"Me…ashamed…?!" Tatjana clenched her fist, her eyes darkened, her body trembling. "You loudmouthed, outdated tramp!" She flung open the suitcase, and out of it popped what appeared to be a portable, handheld cannon. "I will teach you the meaning of shame and humiliation!"
Tatjana picked up the mini-cannon and pointed it at Naga. She took aim, and before Naga could react, fired. Naga gasped in shock as a black mass flew at her, but at the last second, Leodin stepped in front. He braced himself for impact as the projectile thudded against his chest. Surprisingly, it did not hurt, bouncing right off, but what did shock him was when it unfurled and enveloped him.
"What the-?!" Leo shouted as he looked down at himself. All of a sudden, Leodin was covered in a simple blue dress in the same style that Tatjana was wearing. "What is this!?"
"Using your stooge as a human shield?" The seamstress scoffed. "Well, at least I know my new prototype works. You've just been struck by the Haute Couture Cannon Mark-1!"
"Oh," Leodin said, feeling rather nonplussed. It was still rather feminine for him, but at least he was decent now. "O…kay?"
"You monster!" Naga shouted. "He was beautiful! FREEZE ARROW!" The sorceress shot a cold projectile at Tatjana. The brunette shrieked and rolled out of the way, gathering her fashion cannon and running off.
"This isn't over!" Tatjana yelled back as the townsfolk watched in fear and confusion. "I'll get you and the rest of you filthy, tasteless perverts!"
Naga and Leodin watched as Tatjana rounded a corner and ran out of sight. Leodin was still in the midst of processing everything, and it was a moment before he noticed Naga staring at him with the saddest, most forlorn expression.
"Leo, how could she do this to you…?" Naga asked and sniffled, her eyes watery with tears. "Your body, hidden from the world…how cruel…"
"Uh, oh no! How could this be?" Leodin feigned horror as he looked down at the frumpy dress. "Oh well, guess I'm stuck like this-"
The blond was cut short when Naga grabbed his collar and ripped the dress down the middle. Leo was shocked at being exposed in such a way, the clothes being peeled right off him like a banana. Naga tossed the torn garment aside and aimed her finger at it.
"Flare Arrow!" The sorceress shot a bolt of fire at the tattered dress and it immediately was lit ablaze. "There, it can't hurt anyone ever again…"
"Naga, it's just clothes," Leodin said softly. "I'm…I'm okay."
Naga stood with her back to Leodin, silent a moment before she took a deep breath and let out a sigh. She turned to Leo with her smile back on.
"True, they are just clothes, ugly clothes that can hardly compare to our divine garments," the sorceress said calmly as she once again took Leodin's hand. "The sun is starting to get low, which means it's almost time."
"Time for the surprise," Leodin said with exasperation and a hint of dread. "Can't wait…"
Naga took Leodin towards the outer edge of town. The sky was turning a vivid patchwork of orange and purple as the sun dipped below the horizon. They came upon a sparsely populated section of the town, most of the buildings old and dilapidated, and soon encountered a large stadium made from old, weathered stones, a place where plays and tournaments were once held in the days of old.
"Are we here to see a game or something?" Leodin huffed. "I thought as much…"
"Not exactly," Naga replied with a wink. "Something much better."
Just then, the front doors to the stadium opened and out stepped a tall, broadly shouldered figure in a cloak and hood. It eyed them suspiciously a moment before the cloak was thrown open. Leodin's eyes grew wide as he saw before them a tall, muscular man…covered in spiked shoulder guards and a leather bikini.
"Ooooohohoho!" Laughed the man before them, his long aqua green hair dangling freely. "Mistress Naga, you're here! And you brought the new recruit."
"Yes Alphonse, just as I said," Naga said as she dragged Leodin forward. "Your laugh is getting better I see."
"You know him?" Leodin asked. Internally, the blond was starting to panic. This guy was dressed exactly like Naga. They really were part of a cult!
"Yes, an old acquaintance," Naga answered. "It was quite the little adventure, I'll tell you all about it later."
"You'll be glad to know that Mistress Sirene has gathered just about all of our followers," Alphonse said with a grin. "She has truly spread the gospel of the White Serpent."
"Sirene?" Leodin asked. Exactly the person he was looking for. If she was one of the cult leaders, it would be difficult to get her out. "Uh, I mean, who's that?"
"Only the first and most devoted of Mistress Naga's followers," Alphonse answered. "And one of the most beautiful and elegant women on this Earth. But enough of that, before you may enter, I'll need to test you. What is this one's name?"
"You can call him Leodin," Naga replied. "Or just Leo."
"Leodin," Alphonse addressed the blond as he put his hands on his hips. "Give us your best laugh, one that has the power to conquer the world!"
"My…laugh?" Leodin asked, but he quickly realized what they meant. "Oh, you mean that…"
"Drat, I haven't properly taught him how yet," Naga said with a frown. "I suppose now is as good a time as any to start! Alright Leo, here is what you do. Stand up straight, extend your sternum out, breathe in deep, and then exhale with your diaphragm and let it out! OOOOOOhohohoho!"
"Oooohohoho!" Alphonse laughed along with Naga. Leodin winced. One was bad enough. "Alright, show us what you can do."
"Okay…" Leodin did as Naga instructed. He needed to get in, get answers, and get Sirene out. It seemed hard to believe, but Naga was the leader of this cult. Was he just another poor soul she targeted to brainwash? He had to stay strong…
"Ah..aaahahahahaha…?"
"Nonono, it's oooooh, like oval, and louder! More from the diaphragm," Naga corrected him. "And do it with confidence! You sound so timid!"
Leodin frowned. If there was one thing he did not like, it was being thought of as meek. The young man did not back down from any challenge. He filled his lungs, puffed out his chest, and tried once more, this time with intent.
"OOOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Leodin bellowed until he was out of breath. Alphonse nodded his head while Naga rubbed her chin.
"Hmm, acceptable, but maybe dial it back a bit," the sorceress said. "You're straining too much, it needs to be done with more ease, but not bad for a beginner."
"Oh come on," Leodin sighed and his shoulders sagged. "Whatever, can we go in now?"
"If our mistress approves, then please, follow me," Alphonse said as he opened the doors to the stadium. The three of them entered, the entrance hall lit by oil lanterns. Alphonse led them towards another set of double doors and pushed them open.
What Leodin saw next left him shocked and speechless. Everywhere he looked, all across the dusty floor, lit by torches…was Naga. Naga balloons, Naga stuffed toys, little Naga golems, stalls selling Naga shirts and bags, dining sets and stationery.. There were figurines and keychains, posters and placemats. There were even Naga snow globes. Stall after stall was selling Naga merchandise, being attended by dozens upon dozens of people all dressed like Naga.
To top it all off, towards the back of the stadium was a stage, and upon it stood a giant stone bust carved in the likeness of Naga. Its chest was eerily lifelike, like it could bounce at any moment. Leodin felt himself getting dizzy.
"It's even grander than I imagined," Naga said with starry eyes.
"W-What kind of crazy cult is this?!" Leodin asked once his senses had returned. "It's all centered on you?"
"Please, it's not a cult. You sound like my father," said a haughty, feminine voice. They turned to see a red haired young woman approach, and Leodin recognized her as Sirene Fitzmeier. "We're simply a people dedicated to Mistress Naga's path to self-fulfillment and spreading her teachings." She turned to Naga and bowed. "My mistress, I'm glad you came. Do you like the giant bust? It was sculpted by a supporter all the way from Stoner. Too bad he couldn't attend."
"Yes, it's quite the likeness," Naga said with a smile. "Leodin, this is Sirene. Sirene, Leodin."
"How do you do," Sirene said to Leodin coolly.
"...charmed…" Leodin replied as he stared at her. "Well, this all looks like a fan club to me…" He had thought Sirene beautiful from the poster alone, but combined with Naga's usual getup…no, he needed to focus! This was the woman he was supposed to find. "Hey, you mentioned your father? What's all that about?"
"Hm?" Sirene eyed Leodin a moment. "My father is a spineless old fuddy-duddy who actually thinks my new way of life is an embarrassment," the red-head scoffed. "He keeps trying to bring me back home, sending all sorts of hired goons, but either they end up joining me instead or my pet Alphonse sends them packing."
"Your pet?" Leo scrunched his face as he glanced at Alphonse. The green haired man smiled proudly.
"Ah, I'd do anything for you my mistress," Alphonse said in a wistful tone. He knelt and held Sirene's hand. "It should be every man's duty to fulfill his mistresses' wants and needs, and to protect her. Ahh!" Alphonse was lightly struck on the head by Sirene with an audible smack, knocking him away, but his smile remained, even grew wider.
"Alphonse, I told you, not without permission," Sirene hissed before returning her attention to Leodin. "And what about you? Mistress Naga, your follower seems to not yet know his place…"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Leodin growled. He did not like the direction this was taking, and prayed this whole place was not just a massive S&M gathering.
"Like I said, he's still a work in progress," Naga replied, crossing her arms and nodding sagely. "But he's come a long way in a short amount of time, and right now he's going to complete his most important trial yet! You just get things ready, Sirene."
"Of course, my mistress," Sirene said with a bow. "Just give me a few minutes and all will be prepared."
"With me, Leo!" The sorceress led the warrior further into the stadium. As they progressed through the crowd of scantily dressed people, Leodin saw just how diverse they were. Man, woman, young, old, tall, skinny, short, thick, bony, muscular…but all smiling. No one seemed scared or embarrassed. No one but him, and Leo was not sure how to feel about that…
"Miss Naga!" Called a young woman from a nearby booth selling more of the leather bikinis. "You came!"
"Oh, Marty!" Naga waved happily and pulled Leo over to the booth. "Leo, this is Marty, another old friend. Marty, this is Leodin."
"Oh, so this is him," Marty said as she leaned over to take a look at the blond. Leodin was getting tired of being paraded around like a showpiece. "Ah, he's exactly like you described. I'm glad it all fits."
"Naga, what have you been telling people about me?" Leodin asked. "And how many people here are your old friends?"
"I have many old friends, Leo. My life doesn't revolve around you," Naga chided with a smirk. Leo frowned, unsure why that statement seemed to bother him. "Marty, you've done a splendid job recreating my ensemble. Keep up the good work."
"I can't wait to hear your speech!" Marty said as Naga and Leodin continued for the main stage. "Nice scars by the way!"
"What?" Leodin asked, his cheeks flaring, but they were already too far from the booth. He could not tell if the seamstress was being sarcastic or not, but if she was…! Leodin grumbled angrily, trying to keep his cool as Naga pulled him by the arm for the umpteenth time. "Alright, just tell me, what humiliating thing am I doing this time?"
"Public speaking!"
"W-Wha?" Now he was really, actually nervous. Leodin was definitely NOT a chatty person…not anymore, not for a long time…"Naga, what the hell do you expect me to say?"
"Just tell them how much better your life has become after you met me and I showed you the secrets to supreme confidence!" Naga replied cheerily. "Don't worry, I'll warm the crowd up for you."
Up on the stage, in front of the giant bust of Naga, Alphonse was setting up what looked like a tall staff stuck on a wide base. At the top of the staff was a small metal cage of some sort. Alphonse chanted softly and a warm yellow light filled the inside of the cage. Alphonse leaned in and tapped the cage, the noise reverberating around the stadium.
"Testing, one-two, is this working?" Alphonse asked before Sirene shoved him to the side.
"Hello everyone, if I could have your attention, please!" Sirene said into the cage, the magic within causing her voice to magnify for all to hear. All the attendants turned and gathered around the raised platform, murmuring excitedly. "It's so good to see all of you here. I am your gracious host Mistress Sirene Fitzmeier, and for the past four years, I have made it my mission to spread the way of the White Serpent." She gestured to Naga and Leodin as they walked up a set of steps onto the stage. "Now, with deepest pride, I present to you the great woman who taught me her ways, Naga the Serpent! Ooohohohoho!"
"Ooohohohoho!" The attendants erupted into a near deafening cacophony that made Leodin's ears ring. Naga grinned and waved as she walked up to the magic loudspeaker, feeling ecstatic from all the attention.
"Oooohohohoho! Thank you, thank you," Naga greeted her audience while Leodin watched from further back, dreading what was coming next. "I'm sure all of you must feel honored to finally be in my presence, and it warms my heart to see so many proud followers from so many places. Truly the good word has spread. Let's hear it for Sirene! Ooohohoho!"
"Ooohohohoho!" The crowd erupted once more. Leodin grimaced and covered his ears. At this point he really did not know if this was a cult or a fan club or some weird fetishist gathering, but he was just about done with it all. Leo just had to get through it, then he could nab Sirene, get her back to her father and get paid…but would Naga be okay with that? Was this where they broke up? Or would she sell out her friend for money? She might, but still…
"Now, I would like to introduce to you all to my newest follower," Naga continued. "He came to me little more than a fettered child, but after just a few weeks under my tutelage, he's become a wholly new man, free and unbound by outdated notions! Please give it up for Leodin!"
"Oh Krom…" Leodin whispered as Naga gestured to him and the crowd cheered. This was all so incredibly dumb, this self-help BDSM cult that seemed to worship Naga. He should have just forgotten the money and made a run for it…
…In that moment though, as he and the sorceress made eye contact, Leo could see how genuine her smile was, how bright her eyes sparkled in the light. And were those tears he saw? There was no sign of smugness or self-superiority like he would expect from someone trying to embarrass him. Naga was just…she just looked so…happy…
A new wave of emotions bubbled up from deep within Leodin as he took a shaky step forward, then another, and another. Naga moved behind and gently nudged him in front of the staff. Now all eyes were on him, and Leodin could feel himself starting to freeze up, eyes wide.
"Go on, tell them how I helped you," Naga whispered into his ear. "Just say to yourself I am nature's greatest miracle and speak from the heart."
"Uh huh…" Leodin nodded, sweat dripping from his brow. So many eyes staring at him all at once, all these weirdos judging him. Leo cleared his throat and leaned toward the magic loudspeaker. "Hi, I'm Leodin. Um, I met Naga a few weeks ago- no, actually, it was more like a couple of months, but we've been traveling together a few weeks-"
"You've been traveling with the great Naga for weeks?!" Shouted a deep male voice.
"What's she smell like?" Came another.
"What's she eat for breakfast?"
"How many sugars does she take in her tea?!"
"Can you get me a strand of her hair?"
"H-Hang on," Leodin was suddenly bombarded with questions. "Just listen. Uh, so, Naga said she'd help me if I helped her get revenge on Lina Inverse-"
"BOOOOOOO!" The audience erupted into disapproval at the mention of that name.
"Curse her!" Sirene shouted from the side.
"Vapulate her!" Yelled Alphonse.
"Hit her with a rock!" Marty shouted from her booth.
"Damn, you guys really hate Lina," Leodin muttered awkwardly. "A-anyway, We've already been through a lot. We fought ghosts and greebles, hunted down a zombie wyrm, and crashed a wedding-"
"Naga was at a wedding?" Someone else shouted.
"I wanted to marry her!"
"No, I was going to!"
"I love you Mistress Naga!"
Once again, the crowd roared as all the people began to argue over who deserved to marry Naga the most. Leodin has managed to keep himself together up to this point, despite the absurdity, despite being put on the spot in front of a huge audience, but now that they were arguing over who should get to marry Naga…something in him finally snapped.
"WOULD YOU MORONS ALL SHUT THE HELL UP?!"
The whole audience let out a collective gasp at Leodin's outburst. They looked up to see the young man's face twisted into an animalistic snarl. Naga flinched in surprise, wondering what had happened to Leodin. He pointed a finger at the sorceress.
"You wanna know what it's like with Naga? The truth is, this woman has been a colossal pain in my ass the moment I met her!" Leodin shouted, baring his teeth. "She stole all the treasures and bounties I busted my ass trying to get, always getting in my way! She's loud and obnoxious, she eats all my food and spends all my money! She keeps taking the bed and I'm always sleeping on the couch!"
"Wait, what was that last part?" Sirene asked suspiciously. "Do you actually share your room?"
"Not a single damn one of you is gonna marry her because you don't know anything about her!" Leodin continued his rant. "You all worship her like some kind of goddess, but she's just a normal stupid girl like everyone else! And just look at yourselves! You all talk about being proud of yourselves, but you're all just copying Naga, from your clothes to the way you laugh! Just be yourselves for Krom's sake!"
"Oh, this is a disaster," Alphonse whispered as he bit his thumb nervously. "But…hm, maybe he has a point. Mistress Naga?" He looked to the sorceress, but Naga did not respond. She merely kept watching Leodin with an unreadable expression. The rest of the audience was murmuring, in utter shock at Leodin's outburst.
"Naga IS a powerful sorceress, probably the most powerful one I've ever met! It's true!" Leodin said, now on a roll and unable to stop himself. "And you know what, that would be great, IF it wasn't for how incredibly reckless she is! I almost got crushed by her out-of-control golem! And I always have to jump in to save her, or take a hit for her! She's always getting into danger and I can't stand it!"
"Leo…" Naga whispered.
"I must be desperate, or maybe I'm insane like the rest of you!" Leodin huffed, nearly out of breath. "I can't get rid of her! I should have left Naga behind, but the worst part is I can't! For some stupid reason I care too much… about…"
It quickly dawned on him what he was about to say. Leo's voice trailed off as he turned and looked at Naga. Her expression was blank, but her eyes were wide and intense. All of Leodin's anger and energy were instantly sapped away and replaced with a cold dread over how Naga would react. There was a moment of silence, and then…
Bang!
"Ah!"
The audience gasped as the doors to the stadium were blown open and through them swarmed dozens of young women dressed in homely dresses and aprons, wielding handheld cannons. They surrounded the audience and the stage. Leading the charge was none other than Tatjana Dayward, and trailing behind her was Mister Fitzmeier.
"You see, they're all here," Tatjana shouted and pointed at the stage. "And there's your daughter, just as promised."
"You'll have your reward," Fitzmeier said. "But first, bring me my daughter!"
"God DAMN it Daddy!" Sirene shouted as she shoved Leodin aside and grabbed the loudspeaker. "You ruined EVERYTHING! Why can't you just accept that this is my life now?!"
"Sirene, you must come home this instant!" Fitzmeier yelled back. "It's bad enough you spent all our money on these evil sorceress costumes, but you're ruining the family reputation! I can't even show my face in high society!"
"Daddy, you are a weak little man and you should stop caring about that sort of thing!" Sirene shot back. "Why would I listen to you when I can't even respect you?"
"Sirene, sweety, please," Fitzmeier begged with tears in his eyes. "You're making this so difficult-"
"Enough of this!" Tatjana interjected. "I came here to cure this debauchery! Adorable Seamstresses, open fire!"
The young women all aimed their cannons, and with a pull of their triggers, shot at the crowd. There were cries of terror as a row of once scantily clad Naga fans were covered in sensible outfits from neck to ankle.
"Oh no you don't!" A voice came from above. Everyone looked up to see Marty jumping high in the air, brandishing a pair of scissors. With a flash of shears, she cut through one of the unwillingly dressed attendants' new clothes, freeing them from its cotton confines. "You're not winning this time!"
There were several more flashes before even more dresses were cut to ribbons as Marty's fellow colleagues stepped out from the shadows with shears in hand. Now the playing field was leveled.
"Marty! I knew you'd be here!" Tatjana shouted. "No matter, we have enough ammo to cover a thousand of you. Adorable Seamstresses, charge!"
"Yaaaaaah!"
Naga and Leodin watched from the stage as the stadium erupted into chaos, the sound of dress cannons firing and fabric tearing. In between the two factions the attendants all ran screaming to get away. It was the most ridiculous thing Leodin had ever seen.
"Sirene, my little sugar muffin, aren't you done playing dress-up yet?" Mr. Fitzmeier pleaded to his daughter on his hands and knees, having snuck onto the stage. "Look at what a mess you've caused. Can't we go home!"
"UuuUUGH! I said NO, Daddy!" Sirene yelled before kicking her father in the chin, knocking him out cold. "Alphonse, please take care of these intruders."
"Right away my mistress," Alphonse said gleefully and raised a hand. "Aero Bomb!" Wind whipped around him and compressed into his palm. Alphonse tossed the ball of wind into the chaos, causing several Adorable Seamstresses to scatter.
"Huh, I guess he's stronger than he looks," Leodin said, remarking at Alphonse's display of sorcery. He had been so distracted by all the commotion he almost didn't react to Naga shoving him aside. "Naga, what- ah!"
Right at that moment, a projectile struck Naga in the back, and in an instant her outlandishly beautiful appearance was covered up, reducing her to something plain, dull, and ordinary. The sorceress winced, biting her lip as she looked down at herself, then to Leo.
"This makes us even again…" Naga whispered, almost painfully. "Sorry for being so reckless…"
Leodin watched Naga tremble as she hugged herself. Wearing such simple clothes, covering her whole body against her will…that felt humiliating. Leo still did not understand what was going on with her, but he could plainly see that whatever all this was, it was important to Naga. Leodin sighed as he took out his hunting knife and approached her.
"Naga…just hold still…" Leodin said as he positioned the tip of the knife at the neckline of the dress. Naga froze as Leodin sliced with surgical precision all the way down the length of the dress, freeing the sorceress. "Listen, Naga, um…well…see…uhg, look, can we just leave now if I promise to buy dinner?"
"Hmm…" Naga considered his proposal. She turned to look at the battle ensuing between Marty and Tatjana and everyone caught in between. The sorceress let out a long sigh. She then turned back to Leodin, giving a nod and a sad smile. "Sure…you can choose where this time."
"Really?" Leo asked, but he could tell she meant it. "Okay. Oh, one thing…" Leodin walked over to Fitzmeier's unconscious body, rummaged through his clothes, and pulled out a good fistful of gold before pocketing it and walking back to Naga. "Okay...come on, let's get out of here…"
Now it was his turn to take her by the hand. The sorceress stared at their clasping fingers and gave the most gentle of squeezes. Leodin led Naga through the chaos and out of the stadium, with no one to bother them…
That night, Leodin took Naga to a steakhouse. It was perhaps not the most expensive place in town, but it was certainly more than Leodin would have normally spent given the choice. They each bought prime cuts of the finest beef, but Leodin could tell Naga was not in her usual mood. She clearly enjoyed the food, and seemed to enjoy the brandy even more, her face becoming more and more flushed as their dinner went on. Still, she ate slowly, and kept the same sad smile from before.
"So…you mind telling me who those people were?" Leodin asked after a while of mostly awkward silence. "And what happened between all of you?"
"Oh, Sirene was just another ugly duckling I took under my wing," Naga replied and sipped some brandy. "A few years ago, Lina was supposed to escort her across the country, but she ended up being kidnapped by Alphonse after one of Lina's foolish money schemes fell through. Lina begged me to rescue Sirene, and then one thing led to another. Turns out Sirene and Alphonse were made for each other."
"That's one way of looking at it," Leodin said, remembering Alphonse's masochistic tendencies. "And what about Tatjana and Marty?"
"Just two rivals fighting for dominance," Naga answered. "Marty hired me to destroy Tatjana's atelier, and Tatjana hired Lina to destroy Marty's. We sort of destroyed a town in the process."
"Uh huh," Leodin nodded and chugged his mug of ale, not the least surprised. He did not get the whole picture, but he got enough to no longer seek more answers. Leodin imagined Marty and Tatjana were still trying to robe and disrobe one another. He had no idea if Sirene or Alphonse were still there, but he did not really care at this point. After everything, even while still wearing an outfit so risque in public, Leodin was just too exhausted. He was just glad to have this moment of peace, but he wished he knew what Naga was thinking right now…
"Something else on your mind?" Naga asked in a soft voice as she finished up her carrots. "Anything else you need to get off your flat chest?"
Leodin winced. He had hoped they could forget his tantrum on stage, but it looked like there was no avoiding it. The blond rubbed his neck sheepishly.
"Uh, Naga, I'm…well, I'm sorry for losing it back there. I don't know what came over me," Leodin gave a heavy sigh and bowed his head. "You're not that insufferable. Can you forgive me?"
"Oh please, your ranting was nothing compared to the insults Lina has thrown my way," Naga replied dismissively. Leodin looked up to see a little of her smugness had returned. "Sticks and stones, my ignorant young pupil. Mere words mean nothing when you have true confidence. You aren't even trying to blow me up, so of course I can forgive you."
"Just like that huh?" Leodin asked. He should have expected as much. The blond shrugged and went back to his meal. "I guess we're cool then…"
The two of them finished their food and Leodin paid, as promised. They returned to their room at the inn and got ready for bed, taking turns to use the bathroom. As Leodin exited, he expected to see Naga already asleep in the bed, but instead he found her dressed in a sheer, lacey blue nightgown with dark lingerie underneath.
"Whoa, that's new," Leo remarked. "When did you get that?"
"Oh, this?" Naga smirked as she spread her arms out. "Just something I picked up from Marty. It looked comfy."
"I thought you preferred to sleep in the nude?"
"Sleep in the nude? Oh Leo, don't be ridiculous," Naga gave a small laugh as she grabbed a blanket from her supplies and a pillow from the bed. The confused Leo watched as the sorceress went over to the sofa. "You can have the bed tonight."
"Huh? You're sure?" Leo asked skeptically as Naga laid down and pulled the blanket over herself.
"Yes, I believe it's your turn," Naga said as she closed her eyes and rolled away from him. "Goodnight, Leodin…"
"...night, Naga." Leodin replied softly as he slid into bed and blew out the lantern on the nearby table. He got as comfortable as he could, yet he could not shake the feeling that things were still not right.
As Naga drifted to sleep, she thought of all the people dressed like her…laughing like she used to…how happy and nostalgic it made her…until it was all ripped away…again…
Naga grunted and stretched as the morning sun broke through the window. She sat up and worked out a kink in her neck. Naga was definitely sticking to the bed from now on, whether Leodin liked it or not.
"Nnn, I hope you had a good rest, my little scruffy one," Naga groaned as she looked to the bed, but found it empty, the sheets in disarray. "Huh? Leo? Where are you?"
The sorceress looked around the room, but the warrior was nowhere to be seen. She focused her sight on the bathroom door. It was shut. Listening, Naga heard a faint noise from inside. Then suddenly, the bathroom door was flung open.
"Oooooohohohohohoho!" Leodin stepped out from the bathroom wearing the leather bikini, cape, shoulder guards, and every accessory he had worn yesterday. "Finally decided to wake up? You really are quite the lazy one, Naga the Serpent!"
"Eh?" Naga was taken aback by Leodin's apparent impression of her. "Leo, what-"
"Not a word," Leodin cut her short, holding up a finger as his face turned red. "I'll wear this one more day, alright?"
He stared Naga dead in the eye and she understood. It became clear that despite how embarrassing this was for him, he was doing it for her, even if he did not quite understand it. Naga smirked as she stood up tall and proud. once more.
"Well, if you insist," Naga replied with a smirk. "Just so you know, if it helps, the scars really are cool."
"Oh?" Leodin blinked in surprise.
"BUT, you still need to practice your laugh!" Naga shouted, back to her usual self. "Now, once more, with feeling! OOOOOOOhohohohohoho!"
"OOOOOOOhohohohohoho!"
"OOOOoooooooOOOhohohohohoho!"
"OOOOoooooooOOOhohohohohoho!"
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhohohohohoho!"
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhohohohohoho!"
"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?!"
Back at the stadium, the sun rose over a convention in ruins. Exhausted bodies in tattered dresses and leather bikinis covered the battlefield, and in the center, Tatjana Dayward and Marty Lenford were still going at it, weakly slapping each other and pulling each other by the cheeks and ears, both a hot mess.
"Tactless punk!"
"Prissy prude!"
Author's Note
This chapter kind of went off the rails. I had intended it to be just a silly throwback to the Slayers Excellent OVA, but I just kept thinking of more things to flesh things out, and then a little drama and one thing kept leading to another. Dressing Leo in Naga's clothes is an idea I've wanted to do for a while, but thinking of a good reason for it was tricky. I knew I wanted to work in Sirene, Marty, and Tatjana because of the relation to the clothes. I also wanted to play with the idea of Naga having an in-universe fanbase as throughout the OVAs and the Special novels she does gain quite a few different admirers. This won't be the last time we see a Naga fan from the OVAs, I can assure you. I've got more goofy episodes like this in my list, but let me know what you'd like to see next, what locations you'd like them to visit or characters you'd want to see. 'Til next time.