Ghira entered the catacombs, his voice barely audible as he mumbled about the darkness that enveloped the space. "My gods, these catacombs are so deep and dark!" he muttered to himself, feeling his way around the dimly lit room.

Upon reaching a lit room, Ghira set his 'omellete' down on a nearby table with a thud. He approached the imprisoned Kevin, his arms bound by chains secured to the wall, he then let out a low chuckle.

Huntsman the Parenting

The Probing of Kevin

"A-well, a-well, a-well, if it isn't the Great and Mighty Kevin!" Ghira said, provoking Kevin.

"You DARE say my name with HINTS OF RIDICULE in your FOUL, CAT VOICE!" Kevin spats back.

"DON'T! DARE CALL THIS VOICE A CAT!" Ghira said angrily, slamming his hand hard on a table, the sound echoing throughout the room, "I AM A LEOPARD FAN NUMBER ONE!"

Kevin showed no signs of backing down and continued to hurl insult, his words laced with venom, "FERAL-CAT! FOOLISH FELINE! COME HERE SO I MAY TAKE A SIPPIE!"

Ghira's anger seemed to dissipate as he grinned wickedly, "Tempting!" he exclaimed, his tone dripping with malice, "But instead, I will…" Ghira whipped out a pan, "HIT YOU WITH MY PAN!"

With a ferocious swing, he struck Kevin's head with it, a loud clang echoed through the chamber. Kevin is chained and stripped to nothing but his shorts and wizard hat, his rib cage protruding starkly against his emaciated frame, and holes marred his chest from being punctured by wooden stakes, his sharp claws unable to do anything desperate to be free.

"ooUGH, SKULL…" Kevin groaned.

"Cat-like… You know nothing of the NOBLE feline people…"

"IF ONLY GOD WOULD forgive me…"

"Alright, you're forgiven." Ghira said smugly, "Oh, hey! I got something for you~!"

"NO FURTHER OMELETTE!" Kevin protested, "My organs are a STEW at the sight of it."

"Oh, not a chance of that! You don't get the omelette unless you're feeling uncooperative…"

"Fool!" Kevin grinned, "I will never cooperate!"

"THEN OMELETTE IT IS!"

"Noooo! Anything but that!" Kevin pleaded, "I'll do anything!"

"Will you cooperate?"

"Fool!" Kevin grinned again, "I will NEVER cooperate!"

Ghira growled, "This dilemma smothers my brain. You know, this omelette is especially potent! Taiyang had his blender melt concocting it… He had to run out to the 99p store to get a new one."

"…WHY would you look for a BLENDER at a 99p STORE!? NO BLENDER WOULD BE SOLD FOR LESS THAN A LIEN!"

"MAYBE BECAUSE WE WANTED TO BUY IT FOR 99P, KEVIN!"

"What next? Will you go looking for the 99p plasma television?"

"WHAT!? THEY HAVE PLASMA TELEVISIONS!?"

"FUCK!"

"AS IF GAS STOVES WEREN'T ENOUGH! THE MONSTERS!"

"Fu-hu-huck…" Kevin wept, "Your skull is like an empty wheelbarrow… I am so tired… I would use my powerful magics to have you open this shitty cell door and remove this funny ball and chain."

"Aw~ Too bad you can't."

"Don't worry, there is a solution; I DRINKE YOU!"

"NO!"

"LET ME DRINKE YOU!"

"No dice!"

"Let me break free so I can go home and feed my PUPPY!"

"Y-y-you… you… Wait, you have a dog?"

"Oh NO! I told the mewl of Mr. Smerples…"

"Aren't you in the Sabbat? The humanity-rejecting, psychopathic mass-murderer supremacist organization?"

"He makes a mockery of Mr. Smerples… Just as that dastard Pyotr…"

"Um. No, not at all! If anything, that makes you seem MUCH more reasonable than the others."

"I am not reasonable! I am an EVIL WIZARD!"

"An evil wizard one could have hearty conversation with!"

"Well, that's… FOOLISH! I DO NOT 'CONVERSE'! I AM THE GREAT AND-"

"And mighty Kevin, yes- yes- yes- blah blah bla bla bla blah-"

"DON'T BLAH!" Kevin demanded as Ghira kept blah-ing "DON'T. BLAH!"

"…BLAH."

"Noooo…"

"LISTEN HERE, you wacky wyrd-o!"

"I've done the best I can to avoid torture or final death in your interrogation, but you are NUTS! TOUGH NUTS that are hard to CRACK! Thus, I can only maintain this kindness for so long before I-"

"Give up?" Kevin assumed.

"Uh, no, far worse…"

"Give down?"

"Ah, close!"

"NO WEAPON FASHIONED AGAINST ME MAY PROSPER! NOT EVEN OMELETTE! I AM AN EVIL VAMPIRE WIZARD, AND I FEAR NO GOD, BABY!"

"There are no God-Babies here, Wizard. Only MEN." Ghira walked ominously towards Kevin, his steps echoing in the dimly lit chamber, the atmosphere grew thick with tension.

"What are you doing? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Kevin's pleas fell on deaf ears, his voice trembed with fear as he begged Ghira to stop whatever he was about to do, "No… No! NO!" With a sinister smile, Ghira reached out slowly, his hand inching towards the Kevin's pocket.

It was too late. With a swift motion, Ghira snatched a small item from the Kevin's pocket. "…MY WALLET!" Kevin exclaimed, his voice filled with a mixture of anger and despair as he realized what Ghira was trying to find out.

"Let's see here!" Ghira laughed as he opened the wallet's contents.

"No, no, no! Don't take out my driver's license!" Kevin begged, but Ghira only laughed louder.

"Ah…" Ghira held onto Kevin's license and reads it out, "Kevin… Wettsworth?"

Kevin screeched loudly out of incomprehensible shame.

"How- wait, how on Remnant are you 27 years old!?"

"MY DAY JOB WAS STRESSFUL ALSO I HAVE PSORIASIS WHAT DO YOU WANT."

"YOUR DAY JOB? Ohmyoum, what was it?"

"NoOo, NO! I WON'T TELL YOU."

"Come on! That's not even a Sabbat secret."

"How do you even know what the Sabbat is?"

"I have been deliriously obliterating fools like you for decades!"

"What old timer, before the Great War?"

Ghira chuckled, "Wait- OLD!?"

Kevin snickered but quickly adopted a somber tone, "Okay, I'm tired of screaming now, you can kill me dude."

"Oh? That eager to die?"

"Eh, quite frankly, life and unlife has been nothing but a headache, so I'm hoping my next oscillation will be a bit less shit."

"Have no fear, Great Kevin!" Ghira grinned, "I'm sure you will be quite handsome and successful in your next life!"

"Success is for tools, and luck is for losers."

"I guess I'm just a MASSIVE tool, then!" Ghira said obliviously.

"YEAH."

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome." Kevin smiled.

They both sighed contentedly, knowing each had owned the other. There was a brief pause before Kevin broke the silence, "Anyway, now you know my horrible secret... My HATED last name... My EMBARRASSING age... My failure to obtain the 10th Bagel on my Bagel World Preferred Customer Punch Card-"

Ghira cut in, his voice sharp and urgent, "WAS YOUR DAY JOB AT BAGEL WORLD?"

"NAY, FOUL CRETIN! I was once a MIGHTY and POWERFUL accountant who enjoyed POPPYSEED BAGELS with CREAMED CHEESE and LOX."

"Oh?"

"NO CAPERS."

"You were in accounting, ey?"

"THE ECONOMY WAS MY MUSE! I stared at the monitor, the spreadsheets on my screen, and my eyeballs knew calm like never else."

"Wow, a real MAGIC MAN, huh? Um-" Ghira cleared his throat, "That's great-" Ghira coughed louder with a harsh, hacking sound before shouting briefly, then cleared his throat again, "You have any ties to that life, still?"

"Well, that's, y'know… it's kinda funny, y'know, I'm like this powerful Wizard of Caine, Our King-"

"And you own a puppy named Smerples."

"SMERPLES IS EVIL TOO!" Kevin retorted, "He once peed on my rug, then I threw it in the washer, and I took it out of the washer, and I dried it, and then I put it back down and he peed on it again! Very evil little boy!"

"The bastard…"

"Anyways, I feel so GOOD… and I have POWER coursing deep within… and I know it's the truth, but… well, uh…"

"No worries, none of the others can hear you here. You can spill it! Like you did my blood!"

"HahAA! Yes! I did do that. Yes…"

"Mm-hm, mm-hm. Alright, go on."

"There are many embarrassing factoids about my relationship to BAD human Kevin. I still own my apartment from my human life. Kevin is still on the papers. I still… pretend to be alive now and again which, y'know… That was a huge problem before I joined the Sabbat…"

"And I'm sure it's even worse now."

"Oh yeah, 100%. It's not like I can go telling my packmates that I own a flat near Beacon, right? They'd eat me! But I do sometimes just… kind of sneak out and… make sure the neighbors don't report me as missing or anything."

"Ohh, that's radical. Fight the power, man!"

"I mean, yes, I have transcended the mortal coil, but you know, that apartment is quite nice. It had built-in AC, it's not too bad for rent. I had JUST saved up enough to buy it when I was Embraced, but… Now I have a higher purpose, of course, but… that part still kind of stings."

"Ah, I totally get it."

"I'm actually thinking about how to manage it now since I still do have to pay for quite a few certain things pertaining to the apartment but… Well-" Kevin chuckled before continuing, "It's not like I can earn a lot of MONEY going on a Crusade like this, right?"

"Right, yes."

"But actually, even when I was with the Camarilla, I didn't earn quite enough to make due on some things and they WANT you to blend in… and while I have an out now… I still don't really want to have any defaults on my credit, y'know?"

"Oh yeah, that shits scary. It'll kill you!"

"Yeah, repo men. I can only kill so many."

"Exactly my problem. We have a similar issue, honestly."

"Do you?"

"Uh, the property my team lives on is owned by Taiyang, but we don't, em, y'know, technically live there if you know what I mean."

"I thought you were about to say that the property your team lives on is HAUNTED! Like all of Vale!"

"Yes, yes! That's why we came there. Though, it's not haunted anymore…" Ghira laughed hauntingly.

"I figured you lived in that bus, honestly."

"Oh yes yes! We have lived in the Golden Goose A LOT! It's our second home! I've driven it across the world and most of my team has lived in it at one time or another…"

"Eugh, fuck… I wish I was a bus…"

"I would highly recommend it!"

"Vroom…"

"Vroom… so true. But yeah, the issue with the house is that Taiyang owns it and, honestly, he is one who can really pay for it, but um…" Ghira cleared his throat, "Well, he lost his job fairly recently."

"That's rough."

"It is! Fortunately, he does OWN the house. He inherited it after this horrible tragedy, I won't get into it but it just as you said! There's a lot of things that have to be paid for and with money getting tighter and tighter, I dunno… I sometimes fear it'll all just… slip out beneath our fingertips."

"Ehh, that's terrible. Are you all looking into new jobs?"

"Haha, what? Ahah, no! No, no, no, no, no. We're Hunters!"

"Well- Okay, I mean… that can't pay many bills. Does hunting come before your home and well-being?"

"OF COURSE, FOOL!" Ghira angrily slammed the table, "Once one learns of the horrors that lie 'neath the surface of society, you CANNOT RETURN to normalcy! It is NOT POSSIBLE!

Ghira continued, "That is why I have taught my team since initiation that the overwhelming darkness that lingers around us is a part of our natural world. Just like, say a horrible disease. What we do is we cure this disease and that always takes precedence!"

"The blessings of mighty Caine are not a disease!" Kevin replied, "It is a FUN PRESENT! Wrapped up in funny paper that looks like BEES!"

"As fun as HAGGIS- and OVEN-MADE BRUSSEL SPROUTS- AND MISTRALIZED KILLER BEES!"

"HAGGIES AND BRUSSEL SPROUTS ARE GOOD HUMAN FOODS, YOU FUCKING CHILD! ORGAN MEATS AND TINY CABBAGE!"

"OH, WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT SOME RIGHT NOW? I CAN GO SNATCH SOME FROM THE COOP IF YOU'RE SO- FUCKING INCLINED!"

"I WANT TO SUCK UP YOUR LIQUIDS! AND THEN PISS THEM OUT OVER THE DEFLATED BALLOON THAT WILL BE YOUR REMAINS!"

Ghira laughed, "That is so funny, oh my brothers, FUCK. Where do you get all this?"

"I am an ACCOUNTANT! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE MANKIND!?"

"I love that. Hurm, so, uh- what are you gonna do with the apartment?"

"Well, I'm looking into renting it to some ghouls, actually. That would probably solve most of my issues."

"Ooh~ so you're an up-and-coming landlord?"

"'Lord' is APT-" Kevin was abruptly cut off by the sound of metal meeting flesh. With a swift motion, the Ghira smacked him across the face with a frying pan, "AUUGH!"

"HOUSING SHOULD NOT BE A COMMODITY! IN FACT, WE SHOULD REMOVE HOUSES! CASTLES ONLY! WITH MOATS AND MURDERHOLES AND FIRE CROCODILES-"

"You are SICK in the BRAIN!"

"And you are a leech in every sense of the word!"

"You are as SHOVELED OUT THE HEAD as the fucking ANARCHS!"

"YOU- use a lot of secret vampire words without qualm or worry. I respect that."

"They have tried but failed to slay me for years!"

"A blood hunt of my blood shall always come up dry!"

"Ironic you should say that given your current position."

"I'M STILL STANDIN'! GREAT AND MIGHTY KEVIN KEEPS ON KICKIN'!"

"Ooh and oooooh- once I get a little sippity wippity I shall unlock this door with your nose bone!"

"YOU ARE IGNORANT OF ALL CARTILLAGE! So, you say you were in the Camarilla, correct? The Camarilla, as far as I know, don't appreciate defectors. Their grip on your kind is something they would rather keep quite tight."

"The Camarilla… oh, how I loathe it… The elitist sect that has controlled the Cainite for far too long. Their worship of the elderly and all their primitive traditions make my bones ache. Are you familiar with the Masquerade?"

"I am."

"Then you know why I REJECT IT! You know why I reject The Camarilla and its highfalutin rich boy playact! That I must eagerly play the role of an innocent human at their behest, when I have become so much more, is DESPICABLE!"

"Well, I hate the machinations of the proverbial Man as much as the next very cool guy, but… I feel you may have gone a bit far with the whole 'join the evil monster sect that is the Sabbat' thing…"

"No! Not far enough! I am one of the few smart and powerful enough to fuck off from the Camarilla pyramid scheme into a new pyramid scheme I can actually win at."

"Which is quite an accomplishment, given what I know of your other pyramid scheme."

"You speak of the TREMERE PYRAMID?"

"We need to stop saying pyramid it's getting damn well Gizan in here."

"UNAVOIDABLE! Also, your knowledge of the Clan Tremere betrays your true might… Must be EMBARASSING how you almost got OWNED by us in the tunnels."

"Rather than talk about how dumb you think I am, I'd rather talk about how cool you think YOU are."

"Acceptable."

"Now then, I understand the House of Tremere exerts intense control over its membership…"

"YOU UNDERSTAND CORRECTLY! All of Clan Tremere are forced to become bound to the hateful Pyramid, on pain of death! They are each bound to the will of the greater Clan- more specifically, its rulers! It is slavery! You are a slave to your sire, you sire a slave to theirs, and their sire enslaved respectively all the way to the heads of the Clan. That is the dastardly Pyramid!"

"Impressive for you to break free from such an edifice!"

"IMPRESSIVE, INDEED! For oh, the process was agonizing. Imagine for a moment, if you will, a stranger in your mind. Something deep within your cognition that floods your thoughts with their own."

Kevin continued, "Where there should be anger, there is love. Where there should be hatred, there is obedience. You think: 'These thoughts are wrong… Foreign…' but even that feels grossly repellant."

"You chastise yourself for daring to feel this way. You feel despicable, ugly, and the warmth comes only from submission, and there you are, adrift in all of this. Misled by your own cognition! Made to feel grotesque! From the mere SUGGESTION of independent thought! That is the blood bond… THAT is the Pyramid…"

"Truly dreadful… Another curse upon your curse. I sympathize." Ghira said.

"Your sympathy is hollow, my foe!"

"Perhaps so, but well earned by the acts of your masters."

"On that, we are agreed."

"How did you escape?"

"I AM HOUDINI!"

"NO! YOU CAN'T BE! I KILLED HOUDINI!"

"A TRUE MAGICIAN NEVER REVEALS THEIR SECRETS!"

"Ahh, but you are not a true magician!"

"…What!? YOU DISRESPECT THE ART OF BLOOD MAGICS!?"

"Foolish Kevin! I know Blood magic is not TRUE magic and I know more than just this… I have hunted for years, with many organizations. I have picked up many disparate pieces of your Clan's history in my days from your thievery of vampirism, your diablerie of Saulot, to your great Massasa War with the ancient-"

"WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING BABBLING ABOUT?!"

"Wah- what do you mean 'babbling'?"

"'Babbling' as in WHAT are you FUCKing babbling about? I have no idea what you're even saying."

"I- oh."

"DUDE! I AM A 27-YEAR-OLD ACCOUNTANT TURNED WIZARD. I DO NOT KNOW YE OLDE FUN FACTES!"

"But surely you know-"

"I KNOW NOT WHO OR WHAT A MASSASA IS! The internet is not a right, you know! Wikipedia costs money to see!"

"It's not something you can read about on the so-called 'interweb'! It's this… big fight you had! With the wizards or something!"

"Oh. Ooh, yes! I know a little bit about this. Are you a wizard?"

"WHAT!?"

"YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF YOU'RE A WIZARD, IT'S THE RULES!" Kevin grinned.

"What I am is about to kick your ass, pube beard!"

"ARE YOU A GHOUL~?"

"NoHOho!"

"PERHAPS SOME FAERIE OF SOME KIND?"

"WHAT? mmmNOOOO-"

"ARE YOU A RACE CAR?"

"DAMN YOU, KEVIN! YOU HAVE RUINED THIS PERFECTLY TEACHABLE MOMENT ABOUT ANCIENT HISTORY!"

"WHO CARES!"

"I know you don't… but do you understand, Kevin!? Do you understand how long I could have talked about something I KNOW STUFF ABOUT!? I'M INFURIATED!"

"YOUR ANGER IS MY VICTORY! ONE POINT FOR KEVIN!"

"How dare you…" Ghira scoffed, "I am de-escalating out of spite."

"That is also my victory! TWO points for Kevin!"

"CONFOUND THEE, KEVIN. CONFOUND THEE!"

"…THREE." Kevin tittered.

With a primal roar, Ghira unleashed a deafening war cry, channeling all of his rage and frustration into a single, devastating blow. He swung the frying pan with all his might, the force of the impact shattering bone and sending a sickening crack echoing through the chamber.

Kevin's neck snapped with a horrifying crunch; the force of the blow turned his entire head upside down.

"You are indeed a worthy foe, Mighty Kevin…" Ghira said as Kevin snapped his own head back in place.

"You're lucky I'm dead, or that might have killed me!"

"Good."

"Agreed."

"Now, tell me how you escaped the Pyramid!"

"Eugh, only if you discontinue slapstick violence."

"I make no guarantees."

"I hate cartoons! Good enough."

"In truth, I was the progeny of a high-ranking Tremere. The right hand of the Regent of Beacon herself! She was a cruel and stupid mistress, much like you!"

"HA-ZOOLA" Ghira shouted as he smacked Kevin with the pan.

"See?! Just like her!" Kevin spat as he fixed his neck again.

"Yes, I see. Hmm…"

"The Regent herself was even worse… From dreadful sire was a maniacal toadie for the Regent's own schemes. So lost in the sauce of her own blood bond, she thinks of little else beyond fanatical devotion to her master!"

"Sounds rather unhealthy."

"Yeah, no shit! However, though mighty sorcerers, neither my sire nor the Regent could navigate the world of the mundane very well. Thus, they required a neonate to aid their schemes. I was chosen by my sire and brought into the fold as the Chantry's treasurer…"

"Interesting!"

"No…"

"The anointed tax documentarian… Here in my prison! It seems like you were heir to quite a political goldmine back in Camarilla territory!"

"I was heir to more than that! I am blessed with the highly potent blood of the 9th Generation. My accursed sire was of the 8th, and the Regent herself is the 7th!"

"Oh, most threatening."

"Of our pack, I hold the highest standard of blood, rivaled only by Shitbeard and his LUDICROUS 10th Generation pizzazz. ALAS, POOR PYOTR… THE 12th GENERATION RUBE! The buffoon. The TOOL! Less potent than even APE."

"Curious! I took him as a leader sort."

"Tragically, he is, the TOOL. Though he is of weak blood, he has been undead the longest, and thus is the most experienced. This makes him most suited to the position… For now…"

"Oh~ do I sense a conspiracy a-brewin'?"

"NO, YOU DON'T! YOU HEARD NOTHING!"

A distant scream pierced the air, followed by the unmistakable sounds of a scuffle. Kevin froze, their eyes widening in alarm as he looked at Ghira with a tense glance.

"…What the fuck was that?" Kevin said as the sounds of infighting grew louder, echoing ominously through the chamber. "…Is there someone else down here!?"

"NO, YOU HEARD NOTHING! What were you talking about?"

"I was telling you my Pyramid story, remember?"

"Oh… Right! Carry on, ignore the screaming, ignore the howling."

"THE TALE-WEAVING RECOMMENCES…" Kevin cleared his throat, "I was the Regent's grandchild and accountant! Yet when I informed her about the harsh financial realities of the mortal world, I fell swiftly out of favor."

"Harsh realities such as…?"

"THAT YOU NEED TO PAY YOUR EMPLOYEES A LIVING WAGE! Mind controlling or blood bonding them works only until they run out of money! Then they starve to death, or the taxman runs the numbers and finds out yours make no sense! Everything must add up or you will be subtracted from the equation!"

"Taxmen… The unsung heroes of the world of the Hunter! How I HATE THEM."

"Do you like roads~?"

"Yes!"

"THEN YOU LIKE TAXES, YOU BILGERAT!"

"Of course I do! So long as I'm not paying them, that is…"

"Your stupidity is giving me a rash, BIG GEEN!"

"BIG-G!" Ghira corrected as he slammed the table as he says the 'G' part, "BIG-GEEN IS MY EX-WIFE! And you haven't finished your story! You fell out of favor, and then what?"

"AHG, then my un-death became a living hell! The Regent's attention fell upon another, and my sire's attention left with them. She chided me for not being sufficiently obedient! Encouraged me to either deepen my blood bond or be abandoned! I was left scrounging for Arcane lore from the shelves of the 99 pence stores! Utterly useless… unwanted among my clan mates…"

"Well, such backstabs are to be expected in the vampire world…"

"Spare me the lecture, I am being very vulnerable right now…"

Ghira growled, "But lecture I must! If you were torn from your clan, why not mingle with others within your sect? Or even those Anarch fellows? Why go to the Sabbat of all things?"

"FOOL. I discovered soon after Embrace that I was unwanted among the Camarilla! Few trust the Tremere, for they fear their might and pluck! And thus, my fate was sealed! My comrades thought me as a pest and all beyond thought me a bootlick! But I would show them… Show them all! I LEFT THE CLAN! I LEFT THEIR SOCIETY! SO THAT I MAY- in turn, DESTORY THEM!"

Kevin shouts as his right eye began to glow with an intense red light, illuminating the darkness of the chamber with an eerie brilliance, "FOR I AM THE GREAT AND MIGHTY KEVIN!"

"Ha-haaa!" Ghira said amused, "Inspirational! The powers that be didn't show you respect, so you've strove to take it from them, with your bare hands!"

"Yes! You understand!"

"I do! But, still, Kevin! You must forgive me. I can't help but think the Sabbat is a bad fit for you."

"…What? You kidding? I broke free from the Pyramid with their help, fool! Few can boast of, and even fewer can boast of and live!"

"Yes, but you also hold massive ties to your human life! And that's a bit of a no-no when your ideology revolves around uh… dissolving your own humanity in a stew of beasthood."

"Yes, I sentimentally hold onto my humanity at times, but haven't you seen a puppy?! Dogs are great! Fact is, I broke the Pyramid's blood bond through will! SHEER, UNFLINCHING WILL! And the Vaulderie also but YES, PURE WILL!"

"The Vaulderie! Now we've struck gold."

"Congratulations, ye olde timey prospector!"

"I- ACTUALLY- IIIIIIIIII- don't know very much about that!"

"Kevin 4." Kevin smiled as he kept up the scoring.

"ACTUALLY, I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT IN FACT ACTUALLY!"

"Oh yeah? Explain it."

"Oh, sure, yeah, it's just-" Ghira's words were cut off abruptly as he once again whipped out the pan with a swift motion. Each strike landed with a resounding thud, accompanied by the Kevin's cries of pain.

With each blow, Ghira shouted, "G 2! G 3! G 4!" before stopping as Kevin surrendered.

"OKAY, OKAY, I WILL EXPLAIN IT YOU PANSEXUAL PANBEARER!"

Ghira laughed, "I knew you'd see it my way. G 5."

"Climbing slowly toward your two-digit intellect."

"HAH!?"

"PLEASE NO MORE PAN!"

"Social credit deducted."

"AGGGHG! FINE. The Vaulderie is one of the Sabbat's foundational rites. It was among the few ways I could be prematurely liberated from the Pyramid. It's a communal blood bond between members of a pack, formed from drops of blood from all members! It creates a mutual bond known as the 'Vinculum', which shatters all former blood bonds!"

"Intriguing! I suppose that explains why roving bands of Sabbat hooligans actually stand each other's presence from time to time…"

"Sad but true. Without these bonds of fellowship, I'm pretty sure we would have all murdered each other like, six times now."

"But aren't you just exchanging one blood bond for another? Isn't that just more slavery?"

"YES, but also, not even slightly. There IS an alteration made through this. We tend to be far more chummy with each other about a month after its renewed. Much like a library membership! But the effect is FAR lighter than even the meekest of blood bonds. Attachment is for MORTALS, after all. Except if it's a dog."

Kevin continued, "The hard part ISN'T enduring the vinculum! The hard part was finding the willpower to take it in the first place…"

"I see…" Ghira replied, "Mmm… a picture is beginning to form, Kevin."

"Is it a pretty picture?"

"No! It's a picture of you."

"FUCK!"

The scream echoed through the chamber once more. "Okay, seriously, what is that?" Kevin exclaimed; his voice filled with frustration.

"Kevin." Ghira cut him off, "Are you… happy in the Sabbat?"

"GROAN. Are you going to try and drag me into the metaphorical light?"

"Maybe."

Kevin immediately went to sleep and snored.

"WAKE UP!" Ghira shouted.

Kevin instantly woke up, "No! Oh drat, I just did."

"You have an apartment! A puppy! A dog named Smerples!"

"Hey! Don't yap your mouth about Smerples! I have yet to find him a forever home."

Ghira sighed, "You know, Kev, can I call you Kev?"

"No."

"Kev, I've been hunting vampires for a very long time. From Fledglings to Ancillae, even a mighty Methuselah once upon a time!"

"Bullshit. Bullshit! Our ancients are beyond even the stoutest hunters!"

"Say what you like! But believe it or not, long ago, my father, my siblings, and myself bested a Methuselah. I believe they were of the Clan Lasombra, if I'm not mistaken…"

"…If this is true… you are a far greater Hunter than I had reckoned…"

"It is, and I am!"

"No! How did you survive its Obtenebration!?"

"A story for a later day, perhaps! I'm focusing on you! Let me ask you a serious question; Did you join the Sabbat to experience liberation, freedom, and vampiric supremacy? Or did you join because you felt it was your only way out?"

Silence echoed through the chamber before Kevin spoke, "Gee… This is what they call you, yes?"

"It is one of my many titles."

"Okay, Gee-Gee!"

"AAAAA-"

"You beam with power and charisma like a premium radiator."

"Don't tempt me, seductress."

"Listen, sexy foolman! Your mortal form LIMITS you… why would someone as screaming as you tolerate life as a mere mortal? Join a greater cause and become my ally!"

Ghira chuckled, "Why would I serve the First Murderer when I can kill him myself?"

"…who do you think you are!? Caine to Caine?"

"yea-"

"You gonna find a big enough rock, big boy?"

"yea it's a big rock, no?"

"You're insane."

"You aren't the first to tell me that."

"I did not account for what immense hubris I stood in for."

"Hubris implies confidence in excess. You will not find me wanting in my conviction."

"…you- No! No! You are ACTUALLY insane! You can't kill Caine! You! You! You eat hash browns! You treat your teammates as if they are your children, even treating the small one as if it's your grandchild, you didn't even adopt him! You wear shorts that accentuate your bulbous behind! You! You! YOU!"

"Yes~?"

"YOU LIVE IN VALE! You are a mere mortal man! I bet you drink vinegar sauce like some kind of freak! Greater champions than you have tried!"

"Perhaps they have. Yet, I will succeed. Though, I'd settle for wiping out the 3rd Generation, at least…"

"AAAAARGH! YOU ARE DESTINED FOR FAILURE! SUCH A STUPID TOOL! BUT YOU ARE ALSO STUPID COOL!"

"Aw golly."

"I just want you to join my funny crusade…" Kevin began to weep.

"Mmm… well… Kevin…" Ghira called him out as Kevin kept crying, "As a Cainite, you should by all rights be staked for the sun… but… honestly, I can't bring myself to kill you!"

"Fuhuhuck…"

"Instead of serving as unwitting mercenaries in a petty war over North Vale… why not join my Crusade?"

"YOUR Crusade?"

"You shall be my companion, bearer of my sigil, and Regent of a new paradigm shift, where such frivolities as the Masquerade shall no longer be necessary. You shall be free, be able to live in your apartment with no fear, and you won't even have to pay any shitty bills."

"…you. Let me understand this correctly, because y-you're throwing me for a bit of a loop, Gee-Gee. You-who by principle hates the Cainite and seeks its destruction, to rid the earth of this 'disease' as you call it… who are you to spare me? To break your principles at the merest whim, what gives YOU the right to rule over this!?"

"Rights!? How very glib of you to speak of rights, Cainite! You who live by force!"

"I do not live-"

"SILENCE!" Ghira shouted, causing complete silence around the chamber, "You have drifted far from your vaunted beastdom, Cainite. You are far more human than you'll ever admit, what is more liberating!? The band of monsters, forcing you to erase your humanity? The maniacal sorcerers, tossing you aside like a ragdoll? Or rejecting both! To face the world down, head-to-head, and DARE it to stop you!? The freedom that comes from either worthy death or triumphant victory!"

Silence once more filled the chamber… upon on his conclusion, Kevin spoke out something personal to Ghira, "Allow me to tell you a parable… A parable about one named Kevin Wettsworth."

Ghira stood there, listening to Kevin's parable, "Kevin was born into a middle-class family. His parents were devout followers of the status quo and primed him with all the tools necessary to lead a pleasant, stagnant, unexceptional life."

"Kevin became an accountant. About the only field in which he truly excelled, but his dream was always to accomplish something… more. So, he broke away from his life in the suburbs, moved a bit further north. He decided; he will make it big! He will do something with his life…! He failed…"

"And so, Kevin got a job as an accountant near Beacon, but Kevin never gave up. Don't you understand? Kevin may have been trapped in the mire. He may have been an uninspiring person trapped in a dead-end job. His dreams and aspirations might have been dying, but they weren't dead. Not completely."

"He was going to make his name! He was going to make rent EVERY WEEK! He was going to move up, see the world, he was going to do something, ANYTHING to make people know his name… and then Kevin died… and now you know the rest."

Ghira listened intently, his expression softening with empathy. With each word, he took in the weight of the Kevin's story, feeling the sorrow and hardship woven into every detail. Though silent, his eyes spoke volumes, reflecting the depth of emotion stirred by the parable.

"Well…" Ghira spoke, "Perhaps I know a part but neither of us know the ending."

"Spare me the optimism! It was stolen from me along with my life… You cannot know the feeling of the Embrace. To wake one day, your skin cold. Your heart still. Ravenous. Inhuman… where once there was a world, friends, colleagues, now… there's only prey and treachery. This story comes to no good end. I cannot follow my dreams. I must scrounge to stay alive or sane. I… I cannot remain human any longer. My only hope is to embrace a shadow of this dream, to embrace The Beast… and hope freedom is on the other side."

"Freedom never comes through surrender."

"Perhaps not… but it's the only chance I have left."

"If you truly believe that there is little that can be done. The sad quirks of circumstance will see you degenerate into a monster and die as one. But if you so choose… there may be a chance to claw your way out of this. To find a different path. For all of you…" Ghira grabs the keys and unlocks the cage door, "…you need only rise and take it."

With a determined expression, Ghira swung the door open. Kevin sighed, a sense of relief washing over him as he made his decision, "Well. I suppose I could tell you… A secret… that the Regent… would NOT want hunters to know…"

Ghira's expression shifted, a smile spreading across his face. To Kevin's surprise, Ghira chuckled softly.

END OF AUDIOLOG 2

EDITOR NOTES:

MAJOR REWRITE. Deciding to finalize everything and anything in this chapter, and any corrections would be just some on minor misspellings and punctuation errors, but if some major inconsistency is found, let me know and I'll handle it as soon as possible. (1/07/2024)