Monday, 8th November 1971, 1:45 pm

Remus was sitting next to Peter in Charms class as far away as he could get while still being at the desk. The accident at the Quidditch match the day before had been a sobering reminder of how many risks he'd been taking. It had been stupid and reckless to attend the Quidditch match. Sirius insisted that their skin hadn't touched, but he was worried sick. Maybe it had, and he just hadn't noticed. He didn't know what to do; tell someone, or wait and see? On the one hand, if he told Professor Dumbledore, and he had been right and the Headmaster was unaware of how infectious he was, he might be asked to leave the school, even if Sirius was fine. On the other hand, if he told no one and Sirius was infected... Well, a lot of people could die.

He could afford to hold off on making a decision, though. The next full moon was over three weeks away. If he kept an eye on Sirius, he should notice if there were any signs of lycanthropy in him. Sensitivity to smells and sounds, for example, or acting like he was in pain when he moved around. He wouldn't be as used to hiding pain as Remus was.

They were practising Alohomora in class that afternoon, and Remus, Sirius, James and a few other students all easily unlocked the full range of locks they were given to practise on, and Professor Flitwick gave a demonstration of Colloportus and told them to attempt to relock them. He also promised a fun lesson as a final practical the following day. The students chattered with excitement at the news.

Remus couldn't find it in himself to feel excited, despite how legendary Flitwick's "fun practicals" were. He couldn't stop thinking about the possibility that he'd infected his best friend and cursed him to a life of pain, suffering and prejudice. Sirius would probably never speak to him again, and who could blame him? He'd been so selfish.

It didn't take him long to get the hang of the locking spell, and as he re-locked the last of the locks on his desk, he noted how pleased Madam Pomfrey would be that she no longer needed to take him all the way down the tunnel to lock him in. Of course, she would still have to come down after the full moon to get him and carry his injured, bleeding body back to the hospital wing. He was still a burden; he would always be a burden. Better to shut himself off so no one would have to suffer with him.

The rest of the week continued similarly, with Remus keeping his distance from everyone. Including his friends. He returned to his old routine of eating alone in the kitchens and spent all of his free time alone in a deserted corner of the library. The other Marauders seemed to be understanding of his behaviour, but it was wearing on their friendship, and he kept catching them whispering in corners and passing notes in class that never got passed to him. He told himself it was for the best. It was safer for them to not be around him. Safer for everyone. But gods did it hurt.

The fun practical in Charms turned out to be another maze, this one with locked doors in their path. Remus smiled throughout and joined in with his friends joking, but inside, he felt hollow. Dead. Sirius had yet to show any signs of infection, but it was far too early to say. The symptoms wouldn't show until three days before the moon at the earliest. Maybe not even until the day of. If he had been infected, he would have no time to prepare. Not that you even could prepare yourself for the agonising pain of your body ripping itself apart and rebuilding. Sirius would never forgive him. How could he?

In Transfiguration, they had moved on from altering an object's shape, material and colour, and were working on the states of matter, specifically turning a liquid into a gas, in their case water into steam. A few people suffered minor burns when they were unexpectedly successful. Remus kept his eye on Sirius. If he burnt himself, would it immediately heal? He couldn't remember much about his time in hospital after he was bitten. It was all a blur. How long did it take for the regeneration abilities to kick in? It didn't matter in the end. Sirius didn't burn himself; he was far too skilled for that.

They tended their flitterblooms and flutterby bushes in Herbology. It was the easiest class for Remus. The natural scents of plants and compost eased his mind, and having the gloves on made him more relaxed. His friends seemed happy that he was connecting with them again, but when the class was over and he was once again distant, he could see the disappointment on their faces and felt like shit. He should never have allowed himself to get close to them in the first place. It had been stupid and selfish. He wasn't safe to be around.

When Saturday morning arrived, Remus spent breakfast alone in the kitchen as usual. He wasn't looking forward to the weekend. It would be the first one he spent alone since becoming friends with the Marauders, and he knew it was going to be painful. He didn't even have the chocolate-flavoured nutrition potion to cheer him up, as Madam Pomfrey had decided he only needed it the day after the full moon.

He thanked Breen for the food and left the kitchen, feeling utterly miserable, and almost walked straight into Sirius, who took a swift step backwards to avoid the collision. Remus looked up to find all three of his friends waiting for him.

'You,' James said, pointing at him, 'are coming with us.'

Remus shook his head. 'I'm going to—'

'The library,' Sirius said, crossing his arms. 'Yes, we know.'

Peter shook his head. 'Not today, you're not. You're coming back to the dorm with us.'

James nodded. 'We've had enough of you avoiding us.'

Remus felt thoroughly ganged up on, and he slumped his shoulders in defeat. 'Fine,' he snapped.

'I know, it's such a hardship, having friends that care about you,' Sirius said, shaking his head sadly. 'I'm afraid that you're just going to have to grin and bear it. Because you're stuck with us.'

'Forever!' James added, his tone laden with doom.

Remus chuckled despite himself and followed them up to the dorm. They walked in silence; Remus had no idea what to say to them, and it seemed obvious that whatever they had to say, they wanted to do it privately.

When they arrived, they told him to sit down, and they stood in front of his bed in a line and launched into what appeared to be a well-rehearsed speech.

'We know you're freaked out by what happened at the Quidditch match,' Sirius said.

James nodded. 'And we can't even begin to imagine how scary that was for you.'

'But we miss you,' Peter said. 'It's not the same without you.'

'We're your friends and we're the Marauders,' Sirius said. 'And one of the rules in the Marauders code is that a Marauder always helps a fellow Marauder.'

All three of them nodded, their faces deadly serious. This was not a joke to them.

'Obviously we can't prevent you from being touched at all, although we will do our best,' James said. 'But we noticed that you're more scared about your skin being touched than when it's through your clothes.'

'And that was something we thought we could help with,' Peter said.

'So James wrote to his dad,' Sirius said. 'And he found these.' Sirius handed him a box. 'We all chipped in to pay for them.'

'Open it,' James said.

Remus stared at the box for a moment, glanced up at his friends who were watching him, and back at the box, before peeling back the lid and peeking at the contents. It was a pair of gloves and a hood, with holes for his eyes and mouth. He pulled them out. They were pale white and incredibly thin.

'They're made from kelpie skin, so I wouldn't wear them in Defence class, Emhio might get upset if she notices,' Sirius said. 'But when you put them on, they'll take on the exact appearance of your skin underneath, so no one will know you're wearing them.'

'We figured you probably wouldn't want to wear the hood all the time, but it'll be useful if you have to be somewhere really crowded,' James said with a shrug.

Remus didn't know what to say. They must have cost a huge amount of money.

'This is too much. I can't let you do this,' he said, putting them back in the box. 'You have to return them, get your money back.'

'Are you questioning our commitment to the Marauders' code?' James asked, crossing his arms. 'You need help, we have the ability to provide it. It's our duty to buy you these.' He shoved the box back into Remus' hands. 'I'm not sending them back, so if you don't use them, it will just be a waste of money.'

Remus' eyes were burning with emotion. 'I don't know what to say. Thank you. All of you.'

'You're welcome,' Sirius said. 'So, will you start hanging out with us again now?'

Remus grinned at his friends through his tears. 'Yes, I think I will.'

All three of them whooped with happiness, and Remus swallowed the hard lump that had formed in his throat. They really were the best friends in the world. But if they ever found out what he was, would that change? Would the rule about keeping secrets extend as far as lycanthropy? He doubted it. Who would ever want to be friends with a werewolf? Even his own dad could barely stand to look at him. He had to be prepared to lose them one day. His secret couldn't stay secret forever.

James' dad was a genius, and Sirius wanted to kiss him. The gloves had been the best idea ever. Remus was eating in the Great Hall with them again, and he was back to being relaxed and happy around them, though Sirius could swear Remus was watching him a lot. He kept catching him looking at him. Did Remus suspect that he knew? Should he say something? Reassure him? He had no idea. The last thing he wanted to do was scare him off again.

The week went by fast. On Wednesday, they started working on a new charm with a lot of potential; Locomotor. While similar to wingardium leviosa, the object would only float a few inches high, and it had a longer casting range. As far as the other side of the Great Hall, James had pointed out with a wink. Sirius had grinned. There were a few Slytherins that needed to be punished. They had come across them picking on a first-year a few days previously but had been unable to intervene at the time as they were under the cloak.

Wednesday afternoon, they had earned themselves detention using locomotor to tip over four pitchers of pumpkin juice on four particular Slytherin laps. It was completely worth it, and they took the punishment dished out by Minnie with good grace. Polishing the trophies in the trophy room was kind of fun, anyway. A great way to use up some of his excess energy, while also admiring his reflection in the shiny surfaces.

They all worked hard in Transfiguration on Thursday. The lessons had moved on to turning water into ice, and they all agreed it would be useful for the Christmas feast event. They hadn't discussed what they were going to do yet, but ice and Christmas seemed like they went together almost as well as Marauders and mischief.

On Thursday afternoon, they had their first attempt at making a hiccoughing solution in Potions. Only Peter was successful, though James and Sirius both earned As. Remus earned a T when his cauldron started emitting a high-pitched whine before the potion inside vanished with a bang and a puff of smoke. While Slughorn was distracted, Peter swiftly filled a few vials from his own cauldron and slipped them into his bag. They would undoubtedly come in useful at some point.

By Friday evening, the sky had filled with ominous dark clouds, and the air hung heavy with the smell of rain. Sirius was nervous. It would be his first storm at Hogwarts, and he really didn't like storms. They bought memories he didn't want to think about. He was going to embarrass himself; he knew it.

When lightning lit up the dorm for the first time, he managed to stifle his yelp, and he was pretty sure the thunder that rumbled a minute later was loud enough to cover his whimper, but that wouldn't last. He knew from experience that by the time the storm had passed, he'd be a blubbering mess. Hiding was his only option. He couldn't let his friends see him in that state. It was humiliating.

Sirius got up to go to the bathroom, planning to hide out in a shower cubicle until it was over. He could say he was having a very long shower if anyone asked. Halfway across the floor to the bathroom, though, another flash of lightning struck, and the thunder was close on its tail. He jumped about a foot in the air and squealed.

James glanced up from the letter he was writing. 'You alright, mate?'

'Yeah, just made me jump,' he said, and to his great embarrassment, his voice came out shaky.

James frowned at him. 'You're paler than Remus. Are you scared of storms?'

'No!' Sirius said, a little too fast and a little too loud.

James held up his hands in surrender. 'Alright, no need to get defensive. I was just going to offer to sleep with you if you needed company.'

Sirius hesitated. 'You'd do that?'

'Course,' James said with a shrug like it was no big deal. 'We're the Marauders, right? You need help, I'm here.'

Sirius tried to swallow down the lump in his throat. He wasn't sure he'd ever get used to having people who cared so much about him that they'd share his bed during a storm just so he wouldn't be scared. 'Okay, I admit it. I'm a total baby, and I'm terrified of storms. And I'd really like to sleep with you if that's okay?'

James didn't say a word, just pulled back his covers and patted the spot on the mattress next to him. Sirius bounded over and climbed in, pulling the covers up to his neck and lying down.

James put his parchment and quill away and scooted down in the bed, putting his arm around Sirius. 'You're not a baby. You just have really shitty parents,' he whispered.

When the next flash of lightning lit up the room, Sirius flinched, and he jumped when the thunderclap followed. James squeezed him tighter, and he managed to relax.

'It's okay. I've got you,' James said, and Sirius closed his eyes, feeling safer than he ever had in his life.

When he woke at six, the thunderstorm had ceased but the rain was still pelting down in sheets, and he wondered if the Quidditch match would be cancelled. Sirius untangled himself from James—who was wrapped around him like an extra blanket—and showered, before returning to his own bed for his early morning journaling session.

About half an hour later, he heard Remus moving around, but he still hadn't emerged after ten minutes and Sirius got curious. He tiptoed over to his bed and peeked around the edge of the curtains. Remus was sat up with his legs crossed and his eyes closed. Despite being sat up, he appeared deeply asleep. Is that what meditating looked like?

He remembered Remus' promise a few weeks previous to teach him and eyed the rain out of the window again. If the match wasn't cancelled, today would be the perfect day for it. James and Peter would be gone for a while, and he was fairly certain Remus wouldn't want to attend.

As it happened, the match wasn't cancelled, and Remus was enthusiastic about teaching him. So, after breakfast, they bid goodbye to James and Peter and laughed as they watched them dash out into the pouring rain, becoming instantly soaked, before they returned to the dorm.

Remus used the charm they'd used in the Great Hall to create tinkling background music and then told him to sit down on the floor with his legs crossed and close his eyes.

'Are you comfortable?' Remus asked.

Sirius shifted about a bit until he was. 'Yes.'

'You need to quiet your mind, let all your thoughts go until you have a blank space.'

Sirius cracked an eye open to look at Remus. 'Is that even possible?'

Remus opened his own eyes and frowned at him. 'If it wasn't possible, I wouldn't ask you to do it, would I? Close your eyes.'

Sirius smirked. 'Sorry, sir,' he said and closed his eyes again.

'Focus on the music, and the sound of the rain. And your own breathing,' Remus said.

Sirius did so, listening to the patter of the rain hitting the window and the melody of the music. He focused on his breathing, keeping it calm and even.

Remus spoke quietly. 'Now think of a place where you feel safe and build it in your mind. Piece by piece.'

Sirius instantly thought of Hogwarts. The dorm room he shared with his friends, the common room and its roaring fire. The Great Hall and the Black Lake. He built each part of the castle meticulously in his mind, including all the secret passages, alcoves and rooms they had found. He took extra care with the dorm room, making sure everything was exactly right.

'What now?' he asked into the quiet of the room.

'Have you finished?' Remus asked.

'Yes.'

'Okay, now. This part can be painful. I want you to think of a bad memory. It doesn't have to be your worst, just bad. And I want you to find an appropriate room to store it in. Put it inside and lock the door.'

It wasn't difficult for Sirius to come up with a bad memory. He had so many to choose from. Deciding on one of the many times he was locked in the cellar at home without food, he asked, 'How do I put it in?'

'Imagine yourself there in your safe place, and imagine the memory has a physical form. Pick it up and place it inside.'

Sirius pictured himself inside his mental Hogwarts, and he appeared there. Tall, long black hair, aristocratic features, every part of him exactly as he was in reality. The sensation was strange. He could still feel his physical body, sitting cross-legged on the floor, but he could feel his mental body too, trailing his fingers across the stone wall.

'I'm here, I can feel the walls and the floor. It's weird,' Sirius said.

'Yes, it can be strange at first. You'll get used to it,' Remus said, his voice quiet and soothing.

'Can I make the memory look like anything?' Sirius asked.

'Yes, anything that makes sense to you.'

Sirius thought about it. The memory was desolate, and painful with the gnawing hunger. Lonely. Cold and damp. He pictured one of the bricks that made up the walls of the cellar. Grey stone with damp trails caused by the moisture in the room it was from. It appeared on the floor in front of his mental body, and he picked it up. He was instantly drawn into the memory. Feeling everything. He gasped.

Remus' voice echoed from the cellar walls. 'Sirius? It's okay, fight through it. Put it inside the room.'

Right. He wasn't locked in the cellar. It was just a memory. He was in his dorm with Remus. Safe. He clawed his way out and back to his safe place. Back to Hogwarts. He was standing outside the blank stretch of wall that hid the Slytherin common room. What better place to put all his unpleasant memories?

He didn't need a password here. It all belonged to him, and the wall opened at his mental command. He walked inside. Looking around, he wondered where to store the memory. Somewhere it wouldn't look too out of place. He glanced at the fireplace. Well, he was in control here; he thought. Concentrating, he vanished one of the bricks surrounding the fireplace and pushed the memory stone into the space left behind before stepping back to inspect the result. It looked good. There was a faint difference in the colour of the stone, but it was only noticeable if you were looking for it. He wasn't sure why he wanted to hide his memories, disguise them, but it felt like the thing to do. Reaching out, he brushed his fingers against the cellar stone and was pulled back into the memory briefly. As soon as his fingers left contact, the memory stopped. He had complete control over it.

'I'm finished,' he said.

'Okay. I think we'll stop here for today. Exit your safe place and lock the doors behind you. Then focus on your physical body and come back to it.'

Sirius followed Remus' instructions and strolled out to the Hogwarts grounds, locking the front doors behind him before realising the grounds were a part of his safe place. He needed to leave Hogwarts entirely. He finally reached the gates and locked them, before focusing on his physical body. The feel of the carpet beneath him, the solidness of the ground. The sound of the music and the rain in his ears. He opened his eyes and Remus was smiling at him.

'You did really well.'

'Did I? I only dealt with one memory.'

'That's more than I managed my first time,' Remus said with a shrug.

'Can't I do a few more?'

'It's been three hours, and I heard a particularly loud cheer a few minutes ago. I think James and Peter will be back soon.'

Sirius was shocked. 'Three hours?'

Remus nodded. 'Didn't feel like that long for you, right?'

'Nothing like it,' Sirius said, shaking his head.

'That's something you need to be careful of. Time can pass quickly when you're meditating.'

'I see that,' Sirius said. 'You said this was a muggle thing, though. That didn't feel very muggle.'

'Yeah,' Remus said, frowning. 'I thought the same. I learnt about it from a muggle book, but I think it might work differently for wizards.'

Sirius nodded. 'Probably.'

James and Peter returned a few minutes later. Hufflepuff had beaten Ravenclaw by 200 points, meaning Gryffindor would need to beat Hufflepuff by at least 150 to stay in the running. James was adamant the team could do it, and Sirius believed him. If there was one thing James knew about, it was Quidditch.

Three days later, on Tuesday afternoon, James called a Marauders meeting, and they all gathered in the dorm room.

'I've called you all here today to discuss our plans for the Christmas feast,' James said, standing on his bed. 'The school will be expecting something spectacular from the Marauders, and we can't disappoint them. So, ideas?'

'Aren't you the Chief Imaginator? Sirius asked. 'Ideas are supposed to be your job.'

James jumped down from the bed. 'I'm glad you said that,' he said, putting his arm around Sirius' shoulders. 'I think we should turn the feast into a party. Music, a dance floor, the works.'

'I like it,' Remus said, nodding. 'We should wait until the feast is over though.'

'See, that's what I thought too,' James said. 'But how can we time that? We don't know what time it will end.'

'Some kind of trigger word, maybe?' Remus said, frowning. 'I'll look into it.'

'Brilliant.' James turned to Sirius. 'I need you to design some ice sculptures.'

Sirius grinned, his mind immediately brimming with ideas. 'I can do that.'

'Nothing rude, Sirius,' Remus said.

Sirius scowled. That was three-quarters of his ideas out right away. 'Spoilsport.'

'What about me?' Peter asked.

'There's nothing for you to do yet, mate. But it's early days. I'm sure something will come up that needs your expertise.'

Peter nodded in understanding.

'What are you doing for Christmas, Remus?' Sirius asked. 'Going home?'

'I was thinking about staying here, actually. I'd like to have access to the library for my homework. But I don't know if my mum will mind. I was planning on writing to her soon.'

Sirius felt a thrill of hope. If Remus stayed, maybe he could bring up the werewolf thing somehow. James and Peter were both going home, so it would just be the two of them. It might be the perfect time.

Extract from The Official Marauders' Notebook

Notes passed between James, Sirius and Peter. Later removed and burned.

Monday, 8th of November

Have you noticed Remus has been really quiet since the Quidditch match? I think he's really freaked out about what happened - Sirius

I was thinking the same thing. We need to do something to help - James

Like what? - Sirius

I'm not sure. It seemed like he was most worried about his skin being touched, right? - James

Yeah. That's what he asked me - Sirius

So… Gloves? - James

He doesn't like attention, though. If he's wearing gloves all the time, people will stare - Sirius

I'll ask my dad. He might know something that could help - James

Wednesday, 9th of November

My dad wrote back this morning. He says there are gloves made from kelpie skin; they change to look like your hands, and they're 15 galleons. There's also a matching hood for another 20. I can cover 25 galleons. Can you and Pete make up the rest? - James

I have eight galleons left of my allowance this month - Sirius

I have two galleons, but that's all my money - Peter

So? - Sirius

So nothing. If it will help Remus, then he can have it, I was just saying. I'll have nothing left for sweets - Peter

I'll buy you sweets, Pete. I'll get more money next week - James

Thanks, James - Peter

Thursday, 11th of November

I sent Dad the money. He's going to buy them straight away. We should have them by Saturday morning - James

Thank Merlin. Remus looks miserable - Sirius.

A/N Hi, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I just wanted to make clear that I do not advocate locking bad memories away inside your head, that is not a healthy way to deal with trauma and Sirius will be revisiting those memories to deal with them properly at a later date, this is just the first step.

Also, my beta has gone back to work now, so updates will probably slow down a bit :(