Thursday, 2nd December 1971

Remus made it through the next week by trying not to think about Sirius' potential infection, but when the day of the next full moon arrived, he became hyper-focused on him. And not just because he smelled so damn good. Also, why did he smell so damn good? Everyone's scents were stronger to him around the full moon, but no one else's held so much allure.

He watched Sirius closely through Transfiguration in the morning. He seemed to have no trouble focusing on changing his ice into water and back again. Sirius' movements were as fluid and elegant as always, and he didn't seem to be in any pain. They were all positive signs, but he was still worried.

The full moon was a long one that month, nineteen whole hours as a wolf, beginning at ten past three in the afternoon. He would need to be at the hospital wing just after two, which meant leaving Potions only half an hour into the double period. There really wasn't any point in going, but he wanted to see if Sirius had any trouble with the smells in the room. He regretted the decision immediately; Sirius seemed as oblivious as ever of the putrid odours in the dungeon classroom, but Remus was not. They were sickening.

He only lasted fifteen minutes before he raised his hand and asked Slughorn if he could be excused to the Hospital wing.

'I'll take him,' Sirius volunteered.

Great. That was just what he needed. Alone time with Sirius' ridiculously tempting scent.

'Thank you, Mister Black. Put your cauldron under stasis and be sure to return quickly.'

'Yes, sir.' Sirius cast the stasis charm on his cauldron and turned to face him. 'Come on, mate. Let's get you to Pomfrey. You look terrible.' Remus moved to pick his bag up from the floor, but Sirius beat him to it, saying, 'Here, let me carry that.'

He wasn't too comfortable having Sirius carry his bag in case he noticed it was bulkier than it should have been with the change of clothes he'd packed in preparation. But Sirius showed no sign he'd noticed anything odd about it.

As they climbed the stairs to the third floor, he kept glancing at Sirius, still looking for symptoms. He couldn't decide whether or not to warn someone of the potential danger.

'Have I got something on my face?' Sirius asked. 'You keep looking at me.'

'Oh, um. No. You just don't look too good either. Do you feel okay?' Remus said, fishing.

'I feel fine,' Sirius said, giving him a funny look. 'You're the one who's ill.'

Okay, so he was probably fine. He hadn't touched him at the Quidditch match. Everything was okay. But did you even get symptoms before the first change? His memory of that time was so fuzzy, he couldn't remember. All he could recall was horrible fear. And wanting a hug.

They reached the Hospital Wing, and Sirius said goodbye before returning to class, taking his comforting scent with him. Remus went inside.

'Afternoon, Mister Lupin,' Pomfrey said, bustling over to him. She already had her cloak on, ready to leave. 'How are you feeling?'

'No worse than normal,' he said.

She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. 'Let's hope this month is a little easier on you. Are you ready?'

He nodded. 'Yes, ma'am.'

She cast the disillusionment charm on him and led him out to the grounds. It was much colder than the previous month, and the grass was crunchy underfoot. He loved crunchy grass, but he found it hard to enjoy the sensation with the level of anxiety he was under. The time to mention his concerns was rapidly running out.

'Professor Flitwick tells me you're competent with colloportus now. Do you feel comfortable locking yourself in, or would you still like me to do it?' Madam Pomfrey asked when they reached the Whomping Willow.

'I can do it. You don't need to come,' he said. It was now or never. She was turning around, but the words were caught in his throat.

'I'll see you in the morning then. Good luck, Remus.'

She was leaving; it was too late. If Sirius was infected, there would be bloodshed tonight.

Remus woke after the transformation to the sight of dusk through the hospital room window. Had he been unconscious all day? There was no one in sight outside; the grounds were eerily deserted. Was that because it was so cold, or because half the school was dead? Surely if Sirius had turned and gone on a rampage, he'd still be in the Hogsmeade house, though. Madam Pomfrey would be far too busy to worry about him. Unless they wanted to make sure he didn't escape because they were organising his execution for infecting someone and causing the deaths of hundreds of children.

Oh, Gods. He was going to be sick.

Remus bent over the edge of the bed and vomited all over the floor. Madam Pomfrey rushed in from the office.

'Oh, you poor dear. Let's get you cleaned up,' she said, waving her wand to scourgify the mess he'd made.

'There now. All better. Lay back down, that's it.'

She certainly wasn't acting like she'd cleaned up a massacre the night before, or that she blamed him for the deaths. But that didn't mean anything. Madam Pomfrey was a professional. She'd treat even a mass-murderer with compassion.

'Did anything happen last night?' he asked.

'You tore yourself up pretty badly again,' she said with a frown. 'I wonder if it's because the moon is in the sky for longer during the winter?' She looked him up and down. 'How are you feeling now?'

'Sore. The usual,' he said.

Madam Pomfrey frowned at him again. 'That doesn't help me, Mister Lupin. I don't know what "the usual" is. Please describe your symptoms and do not downplay them or I can't treat you properly.'

'Yes ma'am,' he said, ducking his head. 'I'm sorry. My bones are aching, my joints are sore when I move. My stomach hurts quite a lot, I'm guessing I ripped it open again?' She nodded in confirmation. 'And my right arm feels like a wolf gnawed it off during the night. Which is probably fairly accurate?'

'You came pretty close. I'd say you transformed back just in time,' she said, looking grim.

Merlin, he'd nearly lost his hand before, but his whole arm? Would she even be able to reattach it? Would it transform back or stay a wolf? He shuddered. This month was the longest moon of the year, though. Hopefully, next month wouldn't be as bad. Most importantly, Madam Pomfrey hadn't said anything about a rampaging beast in the halls last night.

He couldn't be sure everything was fine until he saw Sirius for himself, though. Maybe he'd transformed in the dorm, and James had managed to magically lock the door before he died. That would be just like James, to sacrifice himself saving everyone else. The teachers might not even know anything was wrong yet.

'Can I go soon?' he asked, not holding out much hope but having to try.

'Not until that wound on your stomach is healed. It's Friday evening, you're not missing anything.'

How long ago did she leave school? Friday night was when everything interesting happened. But that's not why he wanted to leave. He needed to make sure his friends were okay. Madam Pomfrey's expression was uncompromising, though. Arguing with her would be pointless. Might as well get something else done that he'd been meaning to do while he was stuck there.

'Can I have my bag? I want to write to my mum.'

She handed him the bag. 'Don't overdo it. If you feel tired, sleep. Understand?'

He nodded. 'Yes. ma'am.'

Madam Pomfrey left and he pulled parchment and a quill from his bag. He had no idea how he was going to word this. His mum would be upset no matter what he said. She adored Christmas, and he knew she was missing him. But his fear of spending the next full moon, eighteen and a half hours as a wolf, in the hole in the garden was stronger than his sympathy for his mum. He had to put himself first in this. He wrote several drafts of the letter before he was satisfied that it said what he wanted in the nicest possible way. He hoped she wouldn't be too upset.

Dear Mum,

Everything is good here. I'm doing well in all my lessons, even Potions. I think I managed to find the best friends in the whole world. They're really kind, and they do everything they can to make me feel comfortable.

I wanted to ask if you would mind very much if I didn't come home for the Christmas holidays? The reason is that my health problem has been quite bad recently. Please don't worry, Madam Pomfrey is very good at her job, which is why I'd like to stay. As much as I miss you and want to see you, I anticipate that I may need her expertise during the holiday.

Please let me know as soon as possible.

Lots of love,

Remus

He rolled up the finished letter and put it in his bag. He wouldn't send it until he knew for sure that Sirius and the others were okay. It would be awful for his mum if she received that after he was executed. On that happy thought, he lay down. The sooner he went to sleep, the sooner it would be morning and he would know. One way or another.

He awoke well before dawn and waited impatiently for Madam Pomfrey to arrive and assess him. She finally turned up at seven o'clock.

'I'm all better. Can I go now?' he asked the second she walked through the door.

She smiled. 'Eager to start your weekend, are you? Let me check you over first.' She waved her wand, and he waited, fidgeting with his bedsheets, while she looked over the results.

'Yes, everything looks good. You may go,' she said. He swung his legs out of the bed. 'But,' she continued, 'take it easy for a day or two, I don't want you overdoing it. Your body goes through a dreadful ordeal every month. Be kind to it.'

Like she needed to tell him what his body went through. He was there. 'Yes, ma'am,' he said.

'Good boy. See you next month, Mister Lupin.' With that, she swept out of the room, leaving him to get dressed in private. He hurried to put his clothes on, grabbed his bag and rushed to the main doors of the wing, giving Madam Pomfrey a wave on the way out.

Now that he was finally on his way to find out for sure, he was terrified. What if he pushed the door open to find Sirius weeping over the corpses of their friends? Would Sirius attack him when he realised he was the cause, or just ignore him entirely? Which would hurt more?

The questions ran through his mind on an infinite loop, and by the time he reached the door to his dorm room, he had worked himself up to breaking point. His hand was shaking as he reached for the doorknob. He turned it and pushed the door open.

And blinked.

Sirius was leaning on the windowsill with his back to the door, looking out the window, his hair flowing loose down his back. James was lying on his bed flicking through a book and Peter was sitting on the floor playing some game with a pack of exploding snap cards. Everything was normal.

Sirius turned from the window and looked him up and down. 'Alright, mate. You're looking better.'

He had dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept well for a couple of days, but he was smiling.

'I feel better. Thanks.' Remus put his bag down and joined Peter on the floor. 'Can I play?'

'Sure,' Peter said and gathered up the cards to start dealing. James and Sirius came over and sat down too. Remus smiled. His heart-rate was gradually returning to normal. There had been nothing to worry about. Sirius was still very much whole and human.

Sirius didn't know how many more months he could carry on like this, knowing Remus' secret but not being able to be with him after the full moon to see if he was okay. He'd barely slept the two nights Remus was away. This month had been admittedly easier than last month, simply because James and Peter were both concerned too. But it was still hard. They didn't know how serious Remus' condition was; they just thought he was sick, not tearing himself to shreds in some unknown location.

He felt utterly wretched for thinking about his own suffering when Remus had it so much worse, but he couldn't help it. It was just so fucking hard. The not knowing. The waiting for news. He considered telling James and Peter so they could at least suffer with him, but that would be a betrayal. Remus had the right to choose who to share his secrets with. He wouldn't take that away from him. He'd already lost too much.

It was almost impossible to concentrate on his lessons on Friday. He'd ended up turning his ice into powdered snow instead of water in Transfiguration—he still wasn't sure how that had happened—and he'd killed all his plantain seedlings in Herbology by over-watering them, earning him his first T grade. None of that mattered though, as long as Remus came back alive.

And he did.

Remus returned on Saturday morning, and he was so relieved, but he thought he'd done well at playing it cool. He knew it was the longest full moon of the year. If Remus survived this one, then he should be okay for the rest. Right? Gods, he wished there was someone he could ask. He wasn't sure how he was going to cope if Remus went home for the holiday. The full moon was the night before they returned. Would he even be well enough to travel on the train? Or would he have to come back to school late, leaving him to wonder if he was coming back at all? That would be a nightmare.

He did his best to keep everything calm and quiet on Saturday, knowing Remus would still be recovering. Whenever James suggested doing something that required a little more energy, like working on their Christmas feast plans, he claimed to be too tired or not in the mood so Remus wouldn't have to make excuses or be forced into doing something too strenuous. He still looked very tired, and there was a permanent crease in his forehead that deepened a little whenever he moved. Was he in pain still? If only he could ask him.

By Sunday, James had had enough of the excuses and insisted on working on their plans. They spent an hour transfiguring the floor of their dorm into different materials to see which would be best for dancing on. Sirius and James performed elaborate dances to test them out. As heirs of their houses, they'd both been forced to learn ballroom dancing at an early age, and he enjoyed hearing Remus' laughter at their antics. He really needed to laugh more, in his opinion.

When that task was complete, James ticked it off of the list before glancing up from the red notebook. 'Remus, have you made any progress finding a way to time the magic for the end of the feast?'

Remus nodded. 'Yes. I've altered the timing charm we used before to be activated by a phrase of our choosing, but we need someone to say the words. Obviously, it can't be one of us because that would give away our identity.'

Peter frowned. 'We could ask Dumbledore? He seemed to enjoy the Halloween entertainment; he might go along with it.'

James grinned. 'You know? I think he might. He's a good sort, Dumbledore. We could leave a note on the table in front of his seat.'

They all agreed this was the best idea. The back-up plan was to pay a random student to shout it out, but they hoped that wouldn't be necessary.

They spent the rest of the day going over his ice sculpture designs and practising making their choices using delayed transfiguration. Though they weren't entirely sure how they were going to get the bowls of water into the Hall. They couldn't be set up in advance, people would notice them.

'The house-elves?' Remus suggested.

James frowned. 'Can they hear what's happening in the Hall? So they know when to send them up?'

Remus shrugged. 'They must be able to. Remember, on the first day, Dumbledore said "let the feast begin" and the food appeared.'

James nodded. 'Yes. That's true. Unless they had it timed to the second.'

Sirius stood up. 'Only one way to find out. To the kitchens!' He pointed dramatically at the door and marched out.

They talked with the house-elves, and they were more than happy to help as long as everyone got to eat first. After explaining what they had planned, the elves clapped their hands, delighted with the idea, and offered to provide refreshments and rearrange the house tables at the appropriate time. The Marauders were glad of the offer because the tables were huge, and they weren't sure any of them were strong enough to move them without draining their cores and putting themselves in a coma.

They left the house-elves with a diagram of the Great Hall showing how they wanted everything positioned and told them they would return the day before the feast to set-up the magic on the bowls.

For the next week, they spent all their free time planning and practising. He learnt more from planning mischief than he did in any of his classes. Even Peter made a lot of progress under the calm tutelage of Remus and with the encouragement of his friends by his side. It was good to see both of them growing in confidence. Peter was beginning to believe in himself a little more, and Remus was acting more relaxed around them again. Almost back to how he was before the Quidditch match disaster.

On the morning of Saturday the 11th, he received a letter from his mother that threatened to ruin his week-long good mood. If you could even call it a letter. It was barely a note.

Dear Mister Sirius Black,

The family has decided that your presence at our Christmas celebration is unwanted. You will remain at school for the Holidays.

Walburga Black

Sirius stared at the note for a moment before screwing it up in his fist. "Mister Sirius Black?" They addressed him as if he was a stranger. "The family has decided?" Was he not a part of the family? She didn't even sign it "Mother." He hadn't been planning on going home for the holidays anyway, but to be told in such a cold and unfeeling way that he was unwanted? That hurt.

Remus walked over and sat down next to him on his bed. 'Are you okay?'

He said nothing, just handed Remus the screwed up ball of parchment. Remus smoothed it out and read the few words on the page.

'I'm sorry, Sirius. That must have hurt,' Remus said, his voice quiet. Sirius felt a brief touch on his back and smiled sadly. Remus was making himself uncomfortable to offer him comfort. He wasn't worth it, but it was welcome.

'If it helps, I'm staying for Christmas too. My mum said it was okay.'

That did help. It was the best news he could have hoped for. He looked at Remus and grinned. 'Oh, we are going to have so much fun. We should make some plans.'

Remus smiled. 'What did you have in mind?'

'We could set up back to school surprises in all the common rooms,' he said with a wicked grin.

Remus chuckled. 'We'll have to find Hufflepuff first. We still don't know where it is. But that sounds like an excellent idea.' Then he leaned close to Sirius and whispered, 'How about back to school surprises in James' and Pete's beds too?'

'Remus Lupin,' he said, laughing. 'I think you might be my soul mate.'

Remus blushed Gryffindor red and coughed. 'Yes. Well. We could also go to the beach room so you can paint the sunset while it's quiet,' he said, rapidly changing the subject.

'Great idea,' Sirius said. 'I could paint the sunrise and the cave too. We only have the place until June. We'll want to remember it. It's our first big discovery.'

'You think we'll find more things that good?' Remus asked.

'We found that within, what? Three weeks of being here? I bet we find loads of things in the next seven years. We'll be legendary.' He flopped back on the bed and Remus lay down next to him.

'I'm so glad I found you guys. I can't imagine being here without you,' Sirius said.

Remus was silent for a minute before he said in a quiet voice, 'Me too.'

Sirius frowned. Was Remus still worried about them rejecting him? He grappled for something to say, but nothing came to mind that wouldn't be much too obvious.

Suddenly, James burst into the room with Peter on his heels.

'Where's that itching powder my dad sent?' James asked. 'We've just seen some Slytherins attacking a group of Gryffindors for absolutely no reason.'

'What did you have in mind?' Sirius said, sitting up.

'Sneak into their dorms and put it in their clothes,' James said with a shrug.

Sirius grinned. 'Count me in.'

They went out on their revenge mission at two o'clock in the morning, unfortunately having to leave Remus behind. It took them quite some time to locate the dorms of all the boys James and Peter had seen, and it was almost four by the time they crawled into their own beds with a sense of satisfaction. For the first time in his life, Sirius slept past six o'clock, waking at half-past nine on Sunday with a start. Was his mother finally losing her grip on his mind?

It seemed she was. As the week went on, he found he could sleep as late as he wanted, sometimes only just getting up in time for class after being prodded awake by Peter, jumped on by James, or his personal favourite, coaxed out of unconsciousness by Remus whispering his name. Of course, that might have something to do with the nightly excursions to the Great Hall, but he liked to think it was because he was finally breaking free.

By Friday lunchtime, they only had two things left to do. The Marauders strolled down to the kitchens to set-up the magic in the items the house-elves would be sending up and to finalise the plans. Breen showed them the refreshments they had prepared. Lots of light finger foods, as people would already be full from the meal, and a fruit punch that was delicious. They thanked the house-elves for all of their help and presented them with a painting of the kitchen as a Christmas gift. Sirius had worked hard on it using his birthday gift from James, and it showed the kitchen in full-preparation mode, all the elves were occupied with important tasks and the image seemed to burst with life. The elves adored it. Several of them had to wipe their eyes. Teely, the elf in charge of the kitchen, took the painting and hung it above the main fireplace, before expressing her gratitude on behalf of all the elves.

With that task complete, there was one thing left; they needed to leave the note for Dumbledore. They waited until classes were over for the day, and then Sirius, Remus and Peter created a distraction in the Entrance Hall while James snuck into the Great Hall and left the note at Dumbledore's seat. Sirius, Remus and Peter had points deducted for hexing several Slytherins with mucus ad nauseam, but it didn't matter, James had completed the mission, and that was the important thing.

Extracts from The Official Marauders Notebook

Bully hit list (Last page in the notebook)

Snape - dungbomb cauldron, stinksap shower, mucus ad nauseam x 2, Pumpkin juice in lap, itching powder

Avery - Mucus ad nauseam, Pumpkin juice in lap, itching powder

Mulciber - Mucus ad nauseam, pumpkin juice in lap, itching powder

Crouch - Mucus ad nauseam, pumpkin juice in lap, itching powder

McTavish - Stinkbombed

Notes passed in History - Wednesday 8th December

Honestly, why don't they replace this guy? - Sirius

Maybe he won't leave? - James

They could at least get a new teacher and let Binns lecture to an empty classroom. It's not like he notices we're even here - Sirius

Yeah, but if they did that, we wouldn't be able to nap through History - James

That is a good point. - Sirius

At this point, Peter waved, and Sirius passed him the notebook

I tried to talk to Remus, but he shushed me. He's writing so many notes. I don't know how he does it. Do you want to play burn the witch? - Peter

Sure - Sirius & James

This was followed by several games of burn the witch (basically the same as hangman, but with a witch.) Sirius won three games, James two and Peter one.

Notes passed between Remus and Sirius in Transfiguration, Monday 13th December. Removed before the book was returned to James.

Will you help me get James back for that frog he put in my sock drawer? - Sirius

Do you even have to ask? What did you have in mind? - Remus

Delayed Transfiguration on his drawers, so everything he puts in them for the next three days turns pink, but make it happen when he'll be in class. - Sirius

Consider it done - Remus

I adore you - Sirius

Aren't you going to say you adore me too? - Sirius

I think your head is already big enough - Remus

You wound me - Sirius

Notes passed between James and Sirius in Potions, Thursday 16th December

I don't suppose you know why my robes just turned pink? - James

Don't have a clue, mate. But you look very dashing - Sirius

I think you know exactly why, and that's why you can't stop giggling - James

Maybe you should ask Remus, he's the expert at delayed transfiguration - Sirius

Don't you blame this on Remus, he wouldn't do this to me - James

Sorry, you got sent out of class, James - Sirius

EVERYTHING I OWN IS PINK!

You forgot to sign your name - Sirius