Xander silently climbed out of the backseat of the car Colonel O'Neill had driven them from the airport in to the Groom Lake facility, otherwise known as Area 51. One of the soldiers monitoring the entrance saluted Colonel O'Neill.

"Colonel O'Neill. Major Reynolds, NID." The soldier informed him. "Welcome to Area 51."

"Yeah, nice to meet you." He casually returned the salute. "This is Dr. Jackson, and Teal'c and Harris." He introduced the others and Xander saluted the Major and was reminded of an expression about children should speak only when spoken to, hopefully he wouldn't be asked too many questions.

"Gentlemen, I can't tell you what an honor it is to meet you. SG 1's a bit of a legend around here." Ohh, flattery, Xander didn't think any of his traveling companions would be impressed by being considered famous.

"Yeah…well…thanks, I guess." O'Neill muttered. "We were hoping to meet with Colonel Maybourne."

"He's been paged, sir. I'm sure if you'll come inside he'll find you."

"So...you obviously know who we are." An uncomfortable Daniel tried to make small talk while they waited.

"Of course, sir. If it wasn't for you and the other SG teams, we'd be out of business here. Follow me please."

"To your left is medical research. They're focusing on the potential cure for Alzheimer's that SG-5 brought back. The other side is geology, space metallurgy and artifacts study. That's where they're poring over your notes on that Heliopolis place, Dr Jackson. The meaning of life stuff. I love that." Did this guy think they'd come for a tour or was he trying to keep them busy or out the way?

"Do you have a cure for Epstein Barr in there?" Xander asked. "Just thought I'd ask, my girlfriend's Mom has it."

"I'm not familiar with that disease, sorry "

"Virus and I apologize for interrupting your tour."

"That's where we are studying those two Goa'uld death gliders you were in after you guys did your hero thing." Without missing a beat the Major continued the tour. Definitely feeling like a delay tactic and he started laying the flattery on a bit thick. "Nice work by the way."

"Yeah….thanks." O'Neil said flatly, looking uncomfortable.

"This is the bioresearch lab." Yep, this boring tour was not why they were here and the Major had to know that. Colonel O'Neill was not a scientist and would not have any reason to find any of this interesting. And unless he'd told the Major he was here for a tour, the Major shouldn't have any reason to take him on one. At Ieast not a legitimate reason.

"This is where you're keeping the little green men?" O'Neill asked sarcastically.

"There are no alien life forms at Area 51." The Major responded, clearly reading the tone of the Colonelys voice.

"Present company excluded, of course." O'Neill glanced at Teal'c, who remained expressionless and silent, remembering that Maybourne had once tried to bring Teal'c here to 'study' him.

"Colonel O'Neill." A shorter man approached them.

"Hello, Maybourne." O'Neill eyed the man like he was a snake that might strike at any moment.

"Major, if you'll excuse us." Maybourne dismissed the tour guide before turning back to speak to the visitors.

"Teal'c, it's good to see you well."

Teal'c approached Maybourne, sneering slightly. "In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you." Xander wasn't bored anymore and the very pale Maybourne took a step back from the imposing Jaffa.

"Is there something I can do for you, Colonel O'Neill?" Maybourne focused his attention back on O'Neill.

"Yeah. We assume the Touchstone was brought here."

"Excuse me?"

"Maybe you have a different name for it. The weather controller from Madrona PX7-941." Daniel stated.

"Otherwise known as 'the not idiot proof device that's upsetting Mother Nature." Xander told him. "Pissing off any woman is a bad idea, pissing off the Mother of all Mother's? That's a special brand of idiocy."

"It seems that someone has sent you on a fool's errand, Colonel. Nothing even remotely like that is here." He ignored Xander and spoke to O'Neill.

"You are, however, aware of the mission."

"I remember a reference to it, but correct me if I'm wrong, nothing came back from the survey."

"Incorrect," Xander said softly as the carefully hidden third eye told him something very important. "you're lying. You know much more about it than you're saying."

"Are you accusing me of something, young man?" Maybourne asked stiffly.

"Shouldn't you be reprimanding me for speaking to a superior officer like that?" Xander asked. "That is, if you believed me to a member of the military, of course."

"If you're looking for specific answers, I'd ask that you be a little less cryptic with your questions." Maybourne ignored him again and focused back on O'Neill.

"Fine. Where's the damn Touchstone?"

"Has the second Stargate been activated?" Daniel asked his own question.

"It's been under complete lock-down since it's arrival here. It hasn't even been powered up."

"Again, lying." Xander murmured. "It has been powered up and you're aware of that fact."

"Do you mind if we have a look?" O'Neill asked.

"You don't believe him, do you, Colonel? I guarantee it's been dormant since you came through it."

"Than there's no harm in taking a look. Is there?"

Maybourne led them to a garage area. "There it is. Happy now, Colonel?" He pointed at a crate lying flat on the cement floor as two Junior officers undid the latches and lifted the lid. Xander took a look. "It's fake, plastic, not even a good fake. You make it in your basement, Colonel?" He knocked on the replica and got a hollow sound from it.

Oops, now he'd done it. He done pissed off a short idiot. Xander definitely wasn't bored anymore