(A/N): Greygorry's first pov (I think)! We learn a bit more about his family, and his opinions on Leo, and on his problems with family/Leo wanting the clan to be a family. Toward the end we get to see the Ellwood Clan(though pretty much entirely just Lisbet and Jerremyah)'s reaction to Leo dissociating again. I figured I hadn't written an angsty chapter in a while, so here's Grey with his grief and guilt. Slight foreshadowing, I guess? Technically?

Trigger Warning: Dissociating.

Greygorry

It was hard to tell what my biggest problem was- in general, but specifically with Leo. Certainly one of the main ones was that, when I had first met him, he reminded me of Gautier- not the Gautier who had cursed me out for leaving them, but the Gautier I had left behind in the first place. Gautier, before, had been effortlessly cocky and self-assured, at least on the outside, but Gautier, after, had been harsh and sharp and hard in a way that spoke of brittleness. Leo may have shared a certain level of brittleness, but he wasn't harsh- at least... not when no one insulted Elaine. Those early days, it was easy not to get attached; I respected him, but I didn't necessarily like him- until I really saw him with her, and was blasted back over three hundred and fifty years into the past, to hiding behind a fence post and watching Gaspard flounder and fail miserably to give the girl he liked the flowers he'd picked specially for her. It was something I hadn't thought I still remembered, and yet... there it was. From that moment forward, I saw more and more of Gaspard in Leo every day- or, every time I saw him, I suppose was more accurate.

Gaspard hadn't had many friends- at least, that was the case before I left. He'd been far too distracted by wanting to explore every inch of the countryside around our house and the village to focus on human beings, but Gautier... Gautier was by far the most popular brother. In that regard, Leo mostly reminded me of Gautier- even if his way of earning that friendship was more Gaspard's awkward earnestness than Gautier's easy, self-assured confidence. Even so, I hadn't realised quite how similar Leo and my youngest brother were, until I had seen him interact with Lisbet.

Gaspard was, of course, incredibly close with our mother, much in the same way Leo was close to Lisbet; there was a kind of maternal reverence there that couldn't be fabricated. Gautier, on the other hand, had never been particularly close to either of our parents- and his relationship with them had only seemed to have become even more fraught between my two departures- but I knew if he'd been forced to choose, he would have picked our mother. Not through any sort of maternal reverence, or anything like that, but because he'd always made his distaste for our father's complaisant nature- especially when it came to his wife- more than evident.

Genevie, on the other hand, was our father's biggest fan. Sure, she loved our mother as well, but father... well, they had always shared a unique bond that, while I felt still would've been there if she'd been another son, was certainly intensified by her being the only girl. The only daughter. I suppose, if anything, I felt closest to Gautier. Don't misunderstand me, I loved both of my parents dearly, but... maybe it had something to do with being the oldest- the first born. They were still figuring everything out, and so was I- and that didn't leave a lot of room for us to form the same kind of bond my father and Genevie had, or my mother and Gaspard had. Sometimes, I thought maybe Gautier and I had drawn the short straws, to have to go without that kind of love, but the older I got- the further away from the situation I got- the more I realised that it didn't matter if Gautier and I hadn't been either of our parents favorites... because we'd had each other. Until, that is... we hadn't.

The further away from it I got, the more I realised that by leaving- no matter how much I had needed to do so- I had left Gautier alone, and broken his heart in the process. It wasn't something I liked to think about very often- for obvious reasons- but I found myself poking at it sometimes, like a bruise... or some other festering wound. By the time I figured it out, it was too late- and even if it hadn't been... I don't know if I ever would have had the guts to go and face him, and apologise. To genuinely, genuinely apologise, and be okay with receiving nothing in return- the way I strongly suspected I would have, if only I'd gone back while he was alive. Or... ever, really.

I guess that's part of why it hurt so much. Leo. Leo and the family thing, I mean. Clan was... fine, even if it was a pretty foreign concept to me. Kin was- if I didn't think about it too much, I could deal, because the word itself didn't trigger any instinctive connotations, only the sentiment behind it did. Family, on the other hand... well, that was a whole other kettle of fish. Dead fish. Dead fish that hated me. Dead fish that hated me, where they used to love me. Dead fish that I would never get to see again, or make amends with. Yeah. Those dead fish. Was it fair to him, that my issues with family were robbing him of a clan that was entirely united and on board with his clan equals family idea? No, of course not. But... I was working on it. Even if Leo's interactions with Lisbet didn't remind me of Gaspard and my mother- and... Leo's interactions with Jerremyah didn't remind me of Genevie and our father, oddly enough- I doubted I would be able to resist giving in for very long. This was, after all, Lisbet and Jerremyah's kit we were talking about.

A kit who'd barely reacted to being told he was a gift, but completely shut down upon finding out that he was, apparently, Jerremyah's 'favorite little Sunburst'. It wasn't immediately evident exactly which part of this statement had done the deed- pushed him over the edge, again- but it was pretty obvious, at least in my mind, that the answer lay somewhere between being deemed Jerremyah's favorite anything, the novelty of Jerremyah being so blatant with his affection, and this new, exceptionally earnest term of endearment.

It was better this time, since Leo had drifted while cradled in Jerremyah's arms rather than slung over his shoulder, and as we all saw Leo's eyes turn uncomfortably blank over Jerremyah's shoulder, he must have been able to tell what had happened- probably because he'd somewhat expected it- judging by the way he seemingly automatically used his chin on top of Leo's head to tuck his face for him. Leo's head had dipped slightly upon tuning out, but nowhere near as much as he typically would, and now, Jerremyah made a bold move. It was a deliberate choice on his part, clearly, and it was this that made Lisbet suck in a breath that was equal parts pained, concerned, and overjoyed; Jerremyah directed Leo's face into his throat, and after an unbearably long second, instinct must have kicked in because we all heard him let out a tiny, quiet sigh, and he buried his face further into Jerremyah's throat as if he was relieved to suddenly find himself there.

Lisbet, of course, closed the gap between them in an instant, pressing herself to Jerremyah's back and leaning over his shoulder to whisper into the ear Leo was furthest from. Was it a bit fruitless, considering that Leo was zoned out, and therefore wouldn't hear them anyway? Yes. Was it extra fruitless, because the rest of us inevitably could? Also yes. Still, that didn't stop either of them. "Should I stay away? How far? Are you-" She hesitated, leaning forward to try to get a better look at his face. "-okay?" That had been a bit of a difficult question to answer, ever since she left. Today, though, I had a feeling it was a little less difficult.

"I don't think you need to worry about staying away," He murmured back, voice incredibly soft- both soft as in quiet, and soft as in gentle… as in fond. "Last time was your fault." I could tell he felt bad about saying that. "I mean- you were the cause. If anything, I- I." He left it at that for now, but we all knew what he meant: He was the cause this time, so if anyone should keep their distance, it was him. "But I don't think that would be... beneficial." Or practical, given the strength with which Leo was clearly gripping him. "Or practical." Oh. I suppose this was one of those times where Jerremyah wasn't just listening to me, but actively anticipating what I was thinking. "I'm... good." Before Lisbet even had the chance to be skeptical, he snorted with more than a little amusement, into Leo's hair. "I'm really, really... good."

(A/N): Greygorry was turned in 1623, 1975 - 1623 = 352 years. He's said that Gaspard was 14 when he left the first time, which means that's the oldest he could possibly be while trying to awkwardly give his crush the flowers. Also, I just checked where I'd written it down, because I couldn't remember how big of an age gap was between Gaspard and Gautier, and I'm absolutely gobsmacked. I really don't remember leaving this much of a gap between Greygorry and his siblings, but I suppose it makes sense as to why he felt like he could/should leave.

Edit (before uploading): I decided to change the Chant siblings birth years, because I felt like it didn't fit them. It used to be that Greygorry was born in 1594 (which I haven't changed), Genevie in 1601 (which meant a 7 year gap), Gautier in 1606 (a 5 year gap), and Gaspard in 1609 (which I haven't changed, but since Gautier's HAS, it's no longer a 3 year gap). Gautier used to be 12 years younger than Grey, and Gaspard is (and was) 15 years younger than Grey. I changed it so Genevie was born in 1598, narrowing the gap between her and Grey to 4 years instead of 7, and changed Gautier to being born in 1603, which means a 6 year gap between him and Gaspard, a 5 year gap between him and Genevie, and a 9 year gap between him and Grey. That still feels a bit large, but I don't feel like I can lower it any further, just based on how old I think he was when Grey came back (in this case, 30, whereas he used to be 27). I originally imagined him still living with their parents, but I think he would've moved out, and only came back when he heard Grey was back. He moved back home, after…

I guess that also means that if their parents were say, 20 when they had Grey, then they were 24 when Genevie was born, 29 when Gautier was born, and 35 when Gaspard was born. I don't think they were 20, though- either of them. I think they were at least like, 22-25ish, which means they'd be 37-40 when Gaspard was born. No wonder Grey has such a complicated relationship with his family- he was an only child for the first four years, and the only boy until he was nine, and by the time Gaspard was born, he was already older than Gaspard would be when Grey left. Grey and Genevie used to have the same age gap as Jay and Elaine, funnily enough, and I mainly lowered that gap because I thought it was a bit weird if she ended up married to one of his friends, if she was 9 years younger than him. As it is, I assume the friend was a year or two younger than Grey, and he and Genevie bonded (more) after Grey left. We may or may not learn more about this particular friendship a little later on…

Grey said Gaspard was just a boy when he left, and a man when he returned- because Grey had already considered himself a man (or close enough) when Gaspard was BORN. On a side note, this is especially funny to me because Grey considered himself a man (or thereabouts) at 15, but didn't consider Gaspard a man at 14 or Gautier a man at 20 (since he was mentioned at the same time as Gaspard was, having 'turned into a man' while Grey was gone. Gaspard was 24 when Grey came back, so somewhere between Gautier's 20 and Gaspard's 24, Grey was forced to accept that his little brothers were also men, but considered HIMSELF a man much earlier (he considered Genevie a woman when she told him she was, he didn't have the balls to argue with her). Also, it makes sense that Gaspard's name means 'treasure' or 'bringer of treasure', considering how old they were when they had him, and the fact that he really was the BABY of the family. And, Grey probably felt more kindly to Gaspard not just because of his personality, but because I'm sure Grey had more than a bit of a hand in raising him.

TLDR: When Gaspard was giving the girl flowers at 14, Gautier was 20, Genevie was 25, and Grey was 29. Why was Grey hiding behind a fence post to watch? Because he's a supportive big brother/wingman, and Gaspard was a walking disaster of awkwardness. Also, Genevie = daddy's girl, Gaspard = mummy's boy, Gautier = doesn't really like either of them, but respects his mother slightly more, Grey = parents? what parents? I AM a parent.

I finished writing chapter 670, and typed up 667-670, then decided I'm probably going to do a different chapter than planned for 671, since I hope one of the reasons I haven't been writing it is because I just don't want to write from that specific pov/section of the story right now.