Hello everyone, and welcome back. Before we begin, I once again, given the seriousness of the topic presented, my personal history with it, and in the hope that it will help anyone in need, am leaving the resources from the end of last chapter here as well as a few others:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline (US): 1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK: 0800-689-5652
Hopeline (Philippines): (02) 804-4673
TalkSuicide (Canada): 1-833-456-4566
Lifeline (Australia): 13-11-141
Vivetel Salud Mental (Mexico): 800-232-8432
Romanian Alliance for Suicide Prevention: 0800-801-200
Indonesia Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Italy Suicide Hotline: 800860022
If any of you are in need, please contact these numbers or someone you're close to in order to receive the help you need. You ARE worth it. Thank you.
I do not own Danmachi
"You cannot go, Aria!" Hera bellowed.
"Did you not hear me! Bell's advanced to the next level. He's on the edge of a full transformation! I barely restrained myself from going when we learned of his kidnapping, I will not be restrained now!"
"Orario may still rescue him!" Hera pleaded.
"And even if they do, how much has he had to suffer to get to the level of transformation?!" Aria shot back. "What could the Evilus have possibly done to him to cause this level of malice and wrath?"
Hera's fists tightened as she had no good response to that, but, at the same time, she knew she couldn't let the spirit go.
"Please Aria. You will put yourself and the world itself at risk if you go to him now, especially with this recent transformation. The infernal beast won't be able to help himself if you go to Bell now. He will come for you both."
"Let him come."
The two turned to the final figure in the room, who now crackled as lightning danced around his glowing body.
"I will deal with him myself, consequences be damned," Zeus vowed, the power of his voice thunderous and his form like a storm of power.
"Zeus," Hera quietly said as she stared at her husband's glowing eyes while fear entered her heart. "Please…please don't. Chaos is one of the few beings in the whole of creation that can actually kill you and I…" tears pricked at her eyes even as she tried to control herself, "I don't know what I would do if I were to lose you…fool that you are."
Her head fell as the tears kept coming. Suddenly though, her head was lifted and she met her husband's eyes.
"If you are afraid for me, Hera, then help me," he requested.
Aria stepped forward and stood beside the god.
"Help us finally end this."
The goddess's eyes moved between them before she finally sighed.
"You're both fools, but very well, we may head to Orario, but," she quickly added, "if we get word that Bell is rescued and safe, I demand we return here at once. That is my condition to going along with this."
The god and spirit turned to each other and, after a moment, nodded.
"Very well," Zeus agreed.
"Alright," Hera sighed again, "then let me go pack."
Finn entered the room quietly and with a heavy heart. Though it was lit by several lamps, it seemed utterly dark and he shivered.
He turned towards his charge and found Bell's ruby eyes wide open as he stared up at the ceiling.
"You heard us?" he asked, though he already knew the answer.
"Yes," the Hestia captain responded as his eyes remained on the ceiling.
"They love you, Bell. Losing you…losing you would destroy them."
"No it won't," Bell replied, his voice lifeless as a crypt. "It will hurt them, but one day they will be able to move on and find happiness. That won't be possible if I'm allowed to live and continue destroying everything I touch."
"You don't destroy everything you touch, Bell. I wouldn't be here if you did," Finn pointed out.
The Red Dawn made no reply and Finn regretted his words. Even so, he knew he had to press on.
"And you're also wrong on the first part as well," he moved and sat down next to Bell's bed, "they won't be able to move on. People don't move on from suicides. For the rest of their lives they'll ask themselves, 'what could I have done differently?', or tell themselves things like, 'I wish I done more to show him how much I care.'"
Bell remained silent, but his hands tightened around the bedsheets.
"And as for happiness," Finn shrugged. "Maybe most of us would eventually find some, I won't say that's unlikely, but whatever happiness will be tainted. A happiness restrained by our failure to help you. And as for Ais." Bell's hands tightened further and his breath became sporadic. "She won't find happiness. I know that. And I suspect she's not the only one."
The Braver let that hang in the air for a moment, hoping that familiar faces were popping up in Bell's mind and that those faces would help convince the boy off his current path.
But I won't just leave it to chance, the Loki captain thought.
"You know, I actually admire you."
Bell's eyes turned for the first time, though his hands were still tearing at the fabric of the sheets.
"Your growth. Your determination in the face of adversity. And most importantly, your code," Finn continued. "You stood up to my familia for the sake of the Xenos, whereas everyone else would have abandoned them. You stood up to me when I was all-but battling with Achilles. You've faced down a minotaur, a Goliath, the Apollo familia, the Ishtar familia, me, Ottar, Freya and her familia, Achilles, and even stern-faced Ouranos. I don't know anyone, in all of history, who's managed to do all that."
Bell was still silent as his eyes held Finn's, but his hands were slowly loosening, which made Finn smile.
"You are a hero, Bell. I know it's extremely difficult to believe that right now, but you are, and I want to personally thank you for all you've done for my familia and for me personally. If not for you, we might have been destroyed on the 59th floor months ago, Ais may have never been pulled from her shell, and I would have never had the courage to be with the woman I love or been too stupidly focused on my goal of an 'heir'," the prum chuckled. "So, with no irony or falsity, thank you, Bell Cranel, captain of the Hestia familia, and Adventurer Hero. Thank you."
Bell held his fellow captain's gaze for a few more moments before his scarlet eyes turned cold again and shifted back to the ceiling.
Finn sighed.
I knew, logically, that wouldn't be enough to banish his depression, but I supposed I hoped it would be. Still, I made a promise and I mean to keep it.
Finn shifted in his seat and got comfortable.
"Did Ais ever tell you about that time she tried short hair?" he chuckled. "Of course, she didn't ask anyone to actually cut her hair, she just grabbed her sword and sliced it. Everyone made fun of her for weeks and she hid in her room for so long we were afraid she would become a shut-in."
Finn continued telling stories from the Loki familia and though Bell never spoke again during Finn's watch, the Braver knew he was listening and he hoped that, slowly but surely, the darkness in Bell's mind and heart would burn away.
For all our sakes.
Gareth opened the door and walked inside the room.
"And that's why, to this day, Tiona is forbidden from buying bubble gum," Finn finished.
"Ah, you're telling him that story?" Gareth asked, smiling softly.
"Thought he might enjoy hearing some of our crazy tales."
Gareth turned his eyes to Bell and found the young man staring at the ceiling. The dwarf's eyes turned back to Finn, who lost his smile.
No real improvement, his captain silently told him.
Gareth nodded and allowed Finn to pass by him before taking the seat next to Bell.
"I'm glad Finn was sharing some of our stories with you, they're too funny to not be retold," he began before pulling out a jug and taking a sip from it. "Ah, that's good stuff," he turned back to Bell. "This is a special dwarven alcohol that you can't find anywhere but dwarven cities, not even Orario. Volcano Forge Whiskey. It's got a real kick to it, and it burns like you wouldn't believe, but I'm not sure I'll ever like anything as much as I like it," he took another sip. "I'll be happy to share it with you one day. Everyone should try it once, I think," his eyes got serious as he looked down on Bell's stoney face. "Of course…that means you have to stick around."
A moment of silence passed before Bell finally replied.
"I've never liked alcohol."
Gareth laughed, which was surprising enough to make Bell's eyes turn.
"Well that's not true, I seem to recall that you like Ambrosia pretty well, not that I can blame yah. Even Soma wine pales in comparison."
Bell's eyes flashed in shame for a split second, whether from the lie or the memory of that night, Gareth did not know. However, the shame quickly evaporated and Bell's eyes turned back to the ceiling.
Gareth sighed, put down the jug and patted Bell's hand.
"You are loved, Bell Cranel. Maybe that's why you want to end your life so badly." Bell's hands tightened around the sheets again. "Because you want to protect those you love or because you don't want that love to be destroyed by fear. Or, more likely, it's both those reasons" Tears pricked at Bell's eyes and Gareth, in response, squeezed his hand. "But there's something you need to understand, Bell. Fear doesn't destroy love nor does death protect a soul. Most importantly, if you love them as deeply as I know you do, then you will not force them to live a life without you."
Tears now streamed down Bell's face and he opened his mouth to respond again.
"I-I'm a monster Gareth-san."
"Monsters don't cry over what they've done."
Bell did not respond, but the dwarf could tell the young man did not believe him and a moment later, the Hestia captain turned away as the room began to echo with his barely restrained crying.
Gareth sat back in his chair, his heart heavy, but determined.
"Stay alive, young Bell. I want to share that drink with you."
Tione entered the room and found Gareth sitting silently next to 'the Argonaut'.
She really should stop reading so many stories, she thought before she walked over to Gareth.
"I'll take it from here," she said.
The Loki officer nodded and slowly got up.
"Remember what I said, Bell," he said quietly before heading out.
Tione watched him go before turning to the young man who had remained utterly silent the entire time, before huffing and sitting down.
A few moments of silence passed before Bell's voice rose.
"You're not going to ask?"
"No. Whatever Gareth talked to you about is between you and him," the amazon answered.
"So we'll just jump into your speech about how I'm in the wrong for wanting to commit suicide?"
"You're awfully casual about your own death," she shot back, her frown deepening from the laissez faire way he'd said something so horrible.
Bell didn't reply and she didn't know if that made her more or less angry than if he tried to justify himself. After a moment though, she took a deep breath and continued.
"I'm not very good with grand speeches, that's Finn's specialty. However, if you're actually open to listening, I will say that my sister likes you. A lot. And as annoying as she is, and believe me, she is, she would hate to lose you, which would make me very sad and very very angry. So there. That's my speech. You aren't allowed to die in any way shape or form, especially not by your own hand because I don't want her to be upset or worse, to cry. Got it?"
This time, the Red Dawn's response was immediate.
"As if you could stop me if I wanted to."
Rage filled her eyes at that comeback and Tione jumped to her feet, placed her hands on both sides of his head and glared down at him. If he was surprised, he didn't show it, he barely showed that he recognized her presence before him, which only made her angrier.
"Listen here, bub, for Tiona and for Ais, I'd take you on even if you transformed into a full-on, mountain-sized white as fucking snow dragon. And I'd kicked…your…ass. You can bet on that," she pulled back and returned to her seat before taking another deep breath. "So no dying. Got it?"
For a long time, nothing was said in reply and the only sound in the room was the creaking of the chair when Tione shifted a bit.
"He loves you."
Tione, not expecting the sudden statement, jumped, before turning her confused eyes to the white-haired adventurer next to her.
"Who?"
"Finn. He said so himself when he was here," Bell answered.
Forgetting where she was for a moment, Tione began beaming as hearts twirled around her head.
"Did he now? I'm going to have to reward him later after making him repeat himself."
"So you love him too?"
Tione, remembering herself enough to turn back to Bell, nodded.
"Of course. I love him so much that I can barely restrain myself when I'm around him."
"I see," Bell replied before falling quiet again. This quiet destroyed the hearts floating around Tione's head as a sense of uneasiness filled her. "So you want him to be safe, right?" the Hestia captain suddenly continued.
She blinked, but nodded again as her brow furrowed.
"Of course."
"And you'd protect him from harm, right?"
Each new question made the uneasiness grow, but she continued to answer.
"Of course. I'd never let harm come to him if I could help it."
Finally, Bell turned to her, his draconic eyes boring into hers with coldness that made her freeze in place.
"Then you should understand me perfectly."
"W-What?"
"You saw what I became. What I am when wrath takes control. I'm a monster. A monster who will attack even those he most cares about."
"T-That was because of Dio-"
"No it wasn't," Bell cut her off, "at least it wasn't always. I attacked my father when I first gained this power and that had nothing to do with Dionysus. I tore Athens apart because I wanted to punish them. I killed Ares out of vengeance. All that destruction is on me. I am a threat to those I care about. And I love them just as much as you love Finn, or Tiona, or any of your familia. So shouldn't I remove myself from the equation? To protect them?"
Tione's fists tightened and she growled.
"Now listen here, you arctic hare-looking asshole, killing yourself won't protect them for shit, it'll just hurt them in a different way!"
Bell turned away from her and to the ceiling.
"Gareth said something similar," he turned back to her and she froze again as Bell gave her a taste of his wrath when their eyes met again. "I didn't believe him when he said it and I don't believe you. And given the way you're shaking, I think you now fully understand why."
He turned away once more and Tione, her heart thundering, gasped and fought to regain her breath.
Shit, Tione cursed internally. I'm sorry you two, but I think I just made it worse, she thought as Ais and Tiona's faces appeared in her mind.
Bete was in a foul mood when he beat on the door. He waited only a few seconds before raising his fist again, preparing to turn the door to dust when it opened and a defeated Tione walked out.
"The fuck's wrong with you?"
"I made things worse," she replied before turning and leaving.
Now alone, Bete growled before bursting into the room.
He immediately found Bell just as the others had found him, staring up at the ceiling, his eyes neither blinking nor moving.
Fists tight and emotions on ready to burst, Bete fell into the chair and began to impatiently tap his feet.
The seconds ticked on and it wasn't long before Bete growled again and jumped to his feet. He began to pace the room, snarling as he did so while Bell made not a sound.
"Fuck this!" the werewolf bellowed as he turned on the white rabbit. "Stand up!"
Bell's eyes finally turned to Bete, meeting the chienthrope's glare before silently getting out of bed.
The moment the Hestia captain was on his feet and standing before him with eyes like a frozen wasteland, Bete socked him right on the top of his head.
"You idiot! You weakly! You pathetic jackass! Who do you think you are?!" Bete roared. "Making everyone miserable and worried over your stupid ass! You're fucking worthless."
"You're right."
Bete stopped.
"You're completely right," Bell agreed, nodding slowly. "I am a completely worthless, weak, fool."
Bete growled and Bell expected another hit to be sent his way. Instead, The Vanagrand did something the Red Dawn never expected him to do. He pulled the younger man into a hug.
Bell's eyes widened as Bete's arms wrapped around him and he froze, unsure of what to do or if what was happening was even real.
For a few moments, nothing happened. Bete did not speak or move away, he just kept his arms wrapped around the younger adventurer.
"I've lost a lot of people," the werewolf finally began. "People I was friends with. People I loved. People I could have loved. It's why I push everyone away. You can't be hurt if you don't care, right?" he sighed as his arms tightened around Bell. "But that was stupid to think. People worm their way in, whether you want them to or not. I'm sure you know that." He pulled back and met Bell's gaze. "You aren't any of those things I called you. You're not. But you will be if you end things here. That's why you've got to live. To prove me wrong. So that one today you can rub my fucking nose in it about how you became stronger than me, made a whole bunch of friends, and even got Ais fucking Wallenstein, or Waldstein…whatever her fucking name is."
Like so many times before, the room fell silent as the two just stared at each other until, at last, Bell broke it.
"I appreciate you saying all that, Bete-san. Truly, I do. I've wanted your respect for a long time. Ever since you called me 'Tomato Boy' at the Hostess of Fertility." Bete's fists tightened as shame flowed through his veins. "But I don't want to prove you wrong anymore. Because now I realized that you were always right. Or, worse yet, you overestimated me. A simple 'tomato boy' would be better than me. A 'tomato boy' would never slaughter and eat someone."
"Bell-"
"You're a good person, Bete. Really you are. A bit rough around the edges, but, as you pointed out, that's just meant to protect you from hurting again, so it's easily forgiven."
"If you can forgive me for being such an asshole, then why can't you forgive yourself from getting pissed off at people who deserved it?" Bete asked.
"Because I was far more than merely 'pissed off' Bete, as you well know. I was monstrous. And as adventurers, we both know what we should do to monsters."
He turned and was prepared to head back into bed, when Bete countered with, "what about those friends of yours? They're monsters right? Ya gonna tell me that dragon girl of yours deserves to be offed?"
Bell froze.
"Didn't think so."
Bell slowly turned his head, though he could not fully look Bete in the eyes.
"Compared to me…Wiene…all of them are as good and benevolent as the heroes of old," he stated before turning back and climbing into bed, his back facing Bete.
Bete's claws dug into his palms until blood dripped from his fingers.
"That's the biggest bullshit I've ever heard."
Riveria knocked on the door. A couple seconds later, the door swung open and Bete stormed out. She watched him go, then sighed.
I suppose I can't say that reaction is too surprising.
She was about to enter the room, when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a familiar, snow-white figure storming towards.
"No! I'm the one that's going in there and don't you dare try to stop me," Alfia commanded.
"Alfia, I'm not sure that's for the best. You're not in the best mindset yourself," Riveria tried.
"That doesn't matter. I will not accept anything but a yes. I have to-" she stopped as her throat tightened, "I have to speak with him. I did so many-" tears filled her eyes as her voice choked again, "terrible things to him. No!" she held up her finger as Riveria tried to intercede. "I will not accept any explanations or excuses or reasoning! I…hurt him. And I…have to…fix this. I cannot stand by…while he…while he considers taking…taking…his own life. I can't and I won't."
Riveria knew it was wise to deny her at that moment, as the white-haired woman truly wasn't in the best emotional state herself, as was clear for all to see. However, she also knew that it wouldn't be right to deny the desperate aunt either.
It wouldn't be wise either, given her power and temperament, the elf added before she sighed and nodded.
"Very well. But please, Alfia, take care. You are in a vulnerable mindset and it won't do you or Bell any good if your mental stability cracks or breaks due to stress or misery."
Alfia's eyes quickly dried as she lifted her chin in proud, if shaky, defiance.
"I shall keep that in mind, Riveria Ljos Alf."
"Good," Riveria stepped aside.
Alfia moved to the door, but once her hand was on the doorknob she stopped and turned back to Riveria.
"Thank you."
Riveria bowed her head in acknowledgment then watched as the desperate, but determined aunt entered the room.
Best of luck. To both of you.
Alfia entered the room and closed the door, but the moment she did so, she froze for the sight of her nephew, staring blankly at the ceiling filled her with a great many emotions. Part of her was overjoyed that she could see him again. Talk to him again. Be in his life again. But another part of her, the one saturated in guilt and horror, choked her and made her feel as if ice was in her veins.
But my guilt and my horror are nothing in comparison to my desire to help him. I will pull him from this abyss, no matter the cost.
"Bell?"
Unlike the others, Bell actually turned immediately at the sound of her voice and his red, slitted eyes meant her gray and green ones.
"Hello Aunt Alfia. I'm glad to see you're doing alright," he greeted, his voice devoid of all the warmth and affection that it once held when he called her name.
Tears filled her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away and she took her place next to him before reaching down and taking his hand in both of hers. "A-And I'm so glad to see you as well, Bell," she returned, softly stroking his hand. "I never thought…I'd get to see you again after I left you with your grandfather, but to see you now…" she gave him the best smile she could muster at that moment. She could tell it was not the most beautiful of things, and it no doubt appeared forced, but it was real for she was truly happy to see him again, even in this dire situation. "Is the greatest joy in the world for me."
He held her gaze for a moment, before coldly stating, "you don't need to lie, Aunt Alfia, I know that, after everything, that's not how you actually feel."
Her smile instantly dropped as desperation replaced it.
"It is how I feel! To see you again. To have you before me. To be able to hold your hand and feel your warmth again," she punctuated this by gently stroking his cheek with the back of her hand, "is a happiness I never thought I'd be able to have again. I am overjoyed to be here with you again, Bell! That is how I feel, and you know me well enough to know I don't lie," she took a very deep breath before adding, "which is why I need you to stay here. With me. I will do whatever it takes to save you. To bring you out of this darkness. Whatever it is, you only have to ask. So please Bell," she cupped his face, not caring for a moment how awkward it was to lean over him as she was, "whatever it is, name it."
Time ticked by and Bell did nothing but stare into her eyes
Have I reached him? Oh please, let it be so!
Just as hope began to enter her heart, Bell finally spoke again, and it was to state something that Alfia would have never expected.
"We talked to Astraea-sama a while ago."
She blinked.
"I…see."
"She revealed that she talked to Erebus after the Great Feud and he revealed the reason for you and Uncle Zald joining the Evilus."
Her jaw dropped as her surprise turned to shock.
"I wanted to ask if it was true. Did you really turn to the Evilus so that a new generation of heroes could rise?"
It took some time for the Monster of Talent to respond after such an unexpected response, but, after a moment, she figured this line of questioning presented her an opportunity.
At the very least it focuses his mind somewhere besides his guilt, she thought.
However, what she failed to realize was that this line of questioning was directly related to his guilt and his self-loathing. In failing to realize this, Alfia fell right into his trap.
"We wanted a new generation of heroes, of real heroes, to rise and take our place," she readily admitted. "Heroes like you," she emphasized. "Good, strong, courageous, gentle people who would protect the world from great and terrible dangers, no matter how challenging," she smiled at him, hoping that Bell would take her words to heart.
Bell held her gaze for a few moments, enough for Alfia's hope to return, before asking, "if what Astraea-sama said is the truth then tell me how what I want to do is all that different from what you did?"
Alfia's heart stopped and all her hope turned to ash in her mouth.
"They're basically the same, right?" he pressed on. "Sacrificing myself for the greater good? Hell, for me it's even easier as only one person has to die."
Alfia could not take it. She threw her arms around him and began to openly weep. "B-But it wouldn't just be one person, B-Bell. I would d-die. The very moment your h-heart s-s-stopped, so would mine. And i-if it didn't, I'd rip it out!"
That proclamation finally dragged Bell out of his emotionless stupor and tears filled his eyes.
But it's better this way. Why can't you all see that?! If I'm gone, you're all safe. I can't hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you! "I don't want to hurt you," he said out loud, his voice weak as his tears sapped away all his strength.
"You won't. Not if you live," Alfia whispered.
Nothing more was said between them, they simply held onto each other as they cried.
One after another the watches continued. Riveria. Tiona. Mia. Bache. They all came and tried to pull Bell out of his pain. Sometimes they were joined by others, namely the Hestia familia, who for several hours in a row, tried to rid the darkness around their beloved captain's heart and mind, but with little success. But they would not give up. They all refused to do so. Bell had been the light of their lives ever since he'd enter them, it was time to bring some light into his life.
Achilles stared at the ruins of the machine with unwavering eyes and an expression cold enough to freeze fire.
Just as terrible as I expected it to be.
"I wondered where you were."
He turned and found the concerned eyes of his lover boring into him.
"I'm sorry to have worried you," he replied.
"It's alright," Riveria replied before her eyes turned to the ruins of the Imperator Monstrorum, "though I am curious why you are here."
"I suppose I wanted to see it. See the terrible machine that so horrified the mortals and gods of the ancient past and which so tortured my son."
His hand tightened around the hilt of Dragonsbane and, seeing this, Riveria placed her hand on his arm.
"Do you want to destroy it?" she asked.
"Yes."
"Then do so," she commanded, not to be cruel or demanding, but to give him the excuse he needed to drop any concerns that he might have had that destroying the foul machine would be detrimental or wrong.
She let go of his arm and he strode forward, unsheathing his blue blade as he did so.
His lightning was soon dancing along his sword until it glowed brightly on the dark floor. Finally, when the blade was so bright Riveria had to turn away, Achilles raised it above his head and with an anguished cry, cast his wrath down upon the infernal machine.
The Imperator Monstrorum, or what was left of it after Bell's rejection of the machine, was cut in half by the first strike and made a terrible noise as the pieces began to grind and collapse on themselves, but Achilles was far from done. He sent another strike, then a third, then a fourth upon the contraption, each time crying out louder and more terribly as he sought to utterly annihilate the tool that had tormented his son's body and mind.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the Father On High screamed as he cast one final vengeful strike against the machine, pulverizing it into dust and causing it to fall to pieces with a momentous and horrible noise.
"Ha…ha…ha…ha," Achilles caught his breath until a warm and loving hand fell on his shoulder. He turned and captured Riveria's understanding eyes. His own soon filled with tears, but he managed to hold them back as he moved in to kiss her.
She kissed back, softly easing his pain until he pulled back and pulled her into his arms.
"Thank you," he quietly said as he allowed a pair of tears to drip down his cheeks.
"You're welcome," she gently returned as she stroked his hair. "I will always be here for you, Achilles. Always.
The climb back up to the surface was the most difficult any of them had ever dealt with. Not due to the monsters, for there were few, and of those few, most simply ran at the sight of the Expedition. Nor was it the giant hole that the White Dragon had blown through the four floors above their great battlefield with his Storm of Armageddon, though the higher leveled adventurers did have to carry the lower leveled and the wounded across one at a time given the sheer enormity of the hole. No, it was not this either, but the terrible weight that was placed on all their hearts due to the darkness that surrounded the young man at the center of everything.
Bell's eyes had not moved from the ground the entire way up, not even when the others had carried him across the holes. It seemed that all their efforts to pull him from his pain and longing for death had failed and the knowledge of their failure destroyed the adventurers inside. Thus, the Expedition continued slowly up the Dungeon in silence and dark contemplation.
That was, until the youngest of their troupe, and the most innocent, could take no more of it.
Wiene was not blind nor was she a fool. She could taste the sadness in the air and though no one would tell her why they were all so sad, for no one had the heart to tell her, she was determined to fix things, especially since it was her poor mama who seemed to be suffering the most.
Haruhime's ears were drooping just as they had since her own failed attempt to pull Bell out of his despair. She had professed her love to him again and swore to do anything in order to save him from his pain. His answer had broken her.
"Let me die so that I can keep you, and everyone else I love, safe."
Since then, she felt as if she were dead herself and could do nothing but silently pray in her mind for the strength and wisdom to save her beloved hero.
Suddenly, a warm body shot into her torso, startling her and causing her to yelp, which caused the Expedition to stop and turn.
"Wiene?" Haruhime questioned, seeing her adopted daughter.
"What's wrong, Mama? Why are you so sad?" Wiene asked.
The despair returned immediately and tears filled the renard's eyes. She did her best to hold them back as she stroked the dragon girl's hair.
"I-It's nothing, W-Wiene. Some…b-bad things happened. That's all."
"But we saved Bell, didn't we? Doesn't that make you happy?" Wiene asked.
Did we save him? Haruhime asked herself as it became even harder to hold back her tears.
"O-Of course that…makes me h-happy W-W-Wiene. I w-want nothing b-but…b-b-but happiness for him," she began to choke up as her tears began to flow.
Seeing this terrified Wiene who wanted nothing more than to stop the tears, which she tried desperately to do without success.
But there's one person that can stop tears no matter what.
Wiene suddenly ran off, startling Haruhime and the others again, all of whom watched her as she ran through their ranks until she finally found her target at the back of the entourage with Ais and Achilles.
"Bell!"
For the first time since they began their trek, Bell looked up and, to his surprise, found his beloved dragon girl running straight towards him.
"Mama's sad!" she declared, grabbing his hand. "Please make her feel better."
"W-What?"
"You always make my tears go away, so you can make Mama's tears stop. Come on, Papa!" Wiene cried before dragging the stunned young captain away as everyone around them watched on in silent shock.
Bell was dragged all the way to where Haruhime stood, silently waiting for Wiene's return. The foxgirl's eyes widened at seeing who her 'daughter' was bringing with her.
"Here's Papa, Mama! He'll make you feel better!" Wiene declared before turning her expectant eyes to Bell.
"I…I," Bell tried, but confusion dulled his response.
"Come on, Papa! You always know how to make things better. Mama needs you to make her smile again," Wiene pressed.
"W-Wiene," Haruhime cut in, "I…appreciate you bringing your…p-papa to me…but you can't just…tell people to make someone feel better. I," her eyes turned to meet Bell's, "I wish it was that simple. I would give anything for that power."
Bell stared into her emerald eyes and felt his heart clench and thunder at the same time as a battle of emotions began to play out.
She's been crying.
Because of me! It's my fault! I've failed again!
Then I should fix it.
The only way to fix it is to die and remove myself from them forever!
No, that will only hurt them more.
Only in the short term! In the long-term it's better for everyone if I'm gone!
No, the calmer voice, his true voice replied firmly. No it's not. If I'm to fix what I've broken, to heal those I've hurt, I have to stay, no matter how difficult it will be.
"Maybe." The two ladies turned back to Bell who took a step towards them. "It's not that easy, but that doesn't mean you should give up on trying to make others feel better."
Haruhime's eyes widened as hope was relit in her heart.
"If…If I could see you smile again…I know I'd feel so much better," she told him, so quietly it was almost a whisper, as if she was afraid to ask for even something that small.
Bell's eyes fell and for a moment, she feared she had asked for too much, only for her fear and anguish to turn to dust as Bell reached out and took her hand.
"I…I think I can do that," he said as a small smile slowly grew on his lips.
It was not his ten million valis smile nor his one million valis smile. In fact, in comparison, it wasn't even worth 1,000 valis, but for Haruhime it meant more than the entire world and happy tears filled her eyes as her hope was restored.
"Thank you, Bell," she whispered as she brought up his hand and kissed it.
The warmth of her lips passed from his hand into his body and heart and Bell's smile grew just a bit more.
"See?!" Wiene cried as she wrapped her arms around Bell's torso. "Papa can always make anyone feel better!"
Haruhime laughed as Bell's smile grew again.
"I suppose you were right, Wiene," Haruhime admitted before lovingly stroking the girl's hair, much to the dragon girl's delight.
"Can we walk holding hands? I want to spend as much time together with you both as I can before you have to leave," the dragon girl pleaded.
Bell and Haruhime looked at each other and, after a moment, they nodded and turned back to her.
"We can do that," Bell agreed.
"Yay!" Wiene squealed before placing herself in the middle of the two adventurers and taking both of their hands, beaming with unrestrained joy and love.
Haruhime smiled at her adorable little girl, but turned her eyes one final time to the man she loved and found his eyes looking down on their 'daughter' with adoration. Feeling the mage's gaze, he looked up and met her eyes.
I can't promise anything, but for now, I'll stay, he told her.
She nodded and silently replied back, I will pull you from this darkness. Whatever it takes, I will save you, just like you saved me.
He received her message and held her gaze for a few moments before finally nodding.
"Come on Mama, Papa! I can't pull both of you!" Wiene complained.
The two 'parents' chuckled and continued their trek up the Dungeon as the Expedition, with lifted spirits and small smiles, followed after them.
End
Well, I thought this was a good place to stop for today. Once again, I cut it off far earlier than I planned, not hitting my standard 10,000 word mark, but that's of little consequence I suppose. However, as those of you who have suffered with depression and suicidal thoughts already know, the dark thoughts don't go away that easily, at least not forever. Bad days still come, even after long stretches of good days, so Bell's struggles are not yet over, unfortunately. On that note, I want to reiterate my hope that those of you who are suffering from such internal darkness go and get the help you need. Find a therapist, a friend or family member or even a kind stranger online. There's actually a wonderful little game on Steam called, Kind Words: lo fi chill beats to write to, that is wonderful for the last category and has actually helped me out a few times in the past if you're interested.
All that said, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and feel a little bit better than you did when you finished the last one. Both Bell's world and our own has plenty of darkness in it, but also a great deal of joy and fun as well, we just need to keep our eyes open so we can see it.
That seems a good place to finish this chapter, so I wish you all a very fine day and the best lives possible. See you all next time and please, for your sake, the sake of those who care about you, and mine (if I may be so selfish), keep chugging along. Things can and do often get better.