Irony Is That On Lazy Days the Author Goes To the Gym

In Gintoki's half awake/ half slumbering state, vivid memories danced. This wasn't anything out of the ordinary - nightmares for him had become so common place that waking up with a clammy forehead and rapid breathing was like his new biological alarm clock. That's just what happened. This dream, however, wasn't his distant past regurgitating back to choke him in his sleep. It was fresher than that and because of that, more colourful and alive – just as haunting.

Within his dreams was a throbbing pain in his wrist and chest, accompanied by the weight of someone pinned beneath him. His phantom injuries were a very real pain, perhaps actual stimulation from his body intruding on his rest. The image below him was just that, however. An image his brain had thrown back up, retrieved from the store it was kept within.

Gintoki hated his brain sometimes. He hated how it loved to trick him and taunt him, bring back things he yearned to ignore and send his whole body into spasm with fear at times. He loathed how for once his imagination was crystal clear and he despised the memory of Hijikata reaching realisation, pinned beneath him because it was in startling high definition. That realisation of betrayal seemed to repeat over and over, the flash of shock in bright blue eyes. The twinge of hurt. The smidgen of fear. It came back again and again, because apparently once wasn't enough. Apparently, the jolt of physical pain in his features as Gintoki fought to keep him still wasn't something he was allowed to forget either. They fought for the second time, the reality much faster, much more of a blur. His reflection of the events now was slower, allowing him to absorb every emotion and every look of confusion that Hijikata showed. Gintoki couldn't look at him because Hijikata was trying frantically to make eye contact, trying to understand. He was giving Gintoki a chance to redeem himself, even whilst violently pinned. He was asking, why?

Gintoki couldn't tell him. He hadn't fixed the pieces together yet himself.

The arrival of the amanto sent things spiralling even further into darkness. Hijikata became desperate. Fear wasn't a word that was associated with him but there was very real panic in that moment because he was trapped and confused and the worst thing was that he still trusted Gintoki. There was doubt in his actions because maybe he should go along with this? He was looking for reasons. All of a sudden, however, he gave up on reason.

Gintoki was more than winded. As his victim scrambled away he could only fumble for a leg between wheezed breaths. But he knew that there was no getting away for Hijikata anyway. He knew because he had planned this. There was no escape.

The first shot went cleanly into one thigh and it wasn't long until Hijikata was stumbling. Gintoki hated himself for taking a breath of relief. The sooner Hijikata stopped struggling, the better. He fought against the drugs like a damn horse and surely no human could withstand the potency that was injected into him. Even as he fell, he was scrambling to get his feet under him and all the while, he was trying to look up at Gintoki. His eyes began to glaze over but there was a shimmer of disbelief in his expression. Amanto were nailing him to the floor. Gintoki felt sick when Hijikata rolled over, limbs dropping and his eyes tipping back into his head.

With a gasp, Gintoki awoke and although the dream had ended, the pain in his arm and chest still remained to bring him back to reality. He remembered where he was and his mental tally of how many days had probably passed. Hijikata was asleep on the floor beside him, twisted at an uncomfortable angle but then again, all positions were uncomfortable on concrete. He took this opportunity to reach into his yukata, and then further into his underwear, removing a small communication device which had been missed when their bodies were searched for weaponry. Checking Hijikata was definitely asleep, he moved to switch on the device and waited as the stamp sized screen flickered into life. There were still no messages on the screen. The device had the capability to display short messages sent from its partner device elsewhere, but it couldn't send any. It was simply a screen small enough to sneak into some tight boxers and durable enough to be sat on a few times by accident (as had happened).

Hurry it up, old man. Gintoki thought, cursing said man for his tardiness. He was only waiting for one message, one signal. Once that appeared, his plan could begin. The wrongs could right themselves and life could go back to normal. They had no time, though. The ship would leave soon and before it did, their fates would be sealed. They'd be sold or killed, or one then the other. He was sure that Adachi would wait right up until the last minute to sell them. That way, he could ensure the highest price. He might even refuse to sell them on earth and head out with them on board, which would well and truly fuck up his plans. But if Gintoki knew Adachi, and he was fairly certain he did, then this whole thing would be over soon. He was relying on one person doing what he expected, well, two actually. Maybe even three. Three people he hoped he knew well enough to do as he had planned or near enough which would give him leverage for his escape.

The device was returned to his pants and Gintoki set about counting the cracks on the walls, wishing time by. Kagura and Shinpachi were still in danger and there was nothing he could do until the message arrived. They were good kids; they could look after themselves. But he knew that they would come after him and that was a problem that could send his plans into chaos. He had tried his best to erase all traces for them to follow … there was no use in worrying now. Worrying wouldn't help the situation. He just had to wait it out.

…

Thousands of miles away a loud, obnoxious laugh resounded through an aircraft, followed by sounds of gipping which made the passengers both want to turn around to give a passive aggressive glare at whoever was making so much noise, but also not. The space shuttle was just passing through the outer stratosphere of the earth on its way to Edo. Amanto and human kind alike were just glad to be close to the end of what had been a traumatic journey. It usually took around 5 hours, but something to do with an asteroid redirecting into the flight path caused a diversion. It couldn't have happened on a worse flight, either. The passengers didn't have to put up with the usual screaming child or even a toddler kicking the seat. No, instead they had the most irritating fellow passenger the universe had ever known, who took both to using the phone loudly, and to laughing loud enough to rattle the framing in the window glass. Not only that, it turned out he was also air-sick. However, the man somehow managed to remain jovial in between throwing up his guts into a paper bag.

The whole aircraft had been informed that he was meeting someone in Edo called Mutsu, who was also the person on the other end of the phone who seemed just as fed up with him as the crewman who kept reminding him to keep his voice down. The man further referenced somebody with a crude nickname who he would go to visit on earth. The final discussion the man had over the phone before he hung up featured a man called Takasugi Shinsuke (a name recognised profoundly by the majority), a business transaction he was involved in and some illegal trafficking on earth which had the craft wondering if the man was deluded as well as a moron.

Touch down wouldn't come any sooner for the passengers, no matter how much they bribed the captain.

…

"What could those two idiots be up to?" Otose grumbled, resting two glasses down in front of her adolescent guests, both filled with tea. She placed two more glasses down before her other guests containing their favourite alcohol. Shimura Otae and Kondo Isao (who had been discovered earlier following the former) both took a sip.

"It's not like Tosshi to disappear without saying anything." Kondo said, forlorn and depressed by the whole incident. "We've had every single squad out every day looking for hints – nothing. On top of that, Sougo keeps vanishing out on his own missions and he won't tell me what's going on."

Shinpachi took a sip to hide his frown. Ever since they had gone searching for Gintoki and discovered those following them, Okita had kept quiet. Shinpachi was sure that he was onto something. It was odd that he wasn't sharing this with anyone. Kagura was down right depressed nowadays. She was worried about Gintoki, they both were, and he knew that she was remembering the same thing he was every night that Gintoki still hadn't been found – the shivering, pale figure on the hospital bed barely weeks before. It was unlikely that he had fully recovered yet; he probably wasn't at 100 percent and that was dangerous. If they could just find one hint …

Kondo sighed heavily enough for the five of them. Otae grit her teeth and mumbled some curse at Gintoki and despite how much Otose tried to hide her own discomfort, she found it impossible to fully eradicate the concerned crease in her brow. It was just so odd. Disappearing without a trace? Gintoki never did that. Not any more, anyway, now that he had the kids. There was always something. He was smart enough to leave footprints behind that others could follow … and that he hadn't could only mean that he didn't want them to follow. Her eyes cast out of the shop doorway once more as she tried to clear her thoughts. She jerked as a pair of eyes flicked away. The man outside the door and across the street turned his head and walked on by.

Suspicious.

"Tama," Otose called. "Look after the shop. I'm going out to buy cigs."

It was so unnatural a movement that Otose felt compelled to follow. The man was obviously looking directly inside at them, at her, and yet when she made eye contact, he didn't know what to do with himself. He could be just another person wanting to vent about a personal problem – Otose handled things like that often. Or …

She wasn't going to let the chance that this could lead her to Gintoki slip through her fingertips. That man had been caught watching them and he wasn't about to get away without an explanation.

She shuffled on down the street after him, lighting up another cigarette as an excuse to look preoccupied. He wore standard samurai attire, minus a sword at his hip as per earth's regulations. A glance over his shoulder gave Otose the confirmation that he was somebody suspicious because he immediately hastened his footsteps and disappeared around the next corner, his hand already reaching into his sleeve for something hidden there. Otose prowled onwards, eyes locked onto the corner of the wall where he had disappeared, determined to stop this man in his tracks and demand answers. Where was Gintoki? What had they done to him?

A tap on her shoulder stopped her in her tracks.

"Otose-sama, I found some cigarettes under the bar." Tama tilted her head slightly. "There's no need to buy some more just yet."

"I'll go anyway; I need the walk. Get back to the shop." She was eager to keep going – the distance between them was only growing.

"There's no need, Otose-sama." Tama replied, voice calm and deliberate. Otose raised one eyebrow questioningly; Tama nodded.

"Tell me what's going on, Tama," she demanded.

"Please return to the shop, Otose-sama."

"You ..." she scowled, "you're not going to tell me? You know where he is, don't you?"

"Please return to the shop," Tama repeated once more.

Tama was smart, Otose knew. She also had more of an idea of what was happening apparently, so she decided that the smartest thing now would be to do as she was asked. It didn't sit well with her, however. She made it clear that she wasn't happy letting this go. There was a growing niggle in her stomach that Gintoki had planned this … and she had been kept out of the loop. She was further irritated that she had to wait until her visitors had left until Tama would open her mouth at all.

"Just tell me he knows what he's doing?" she hissed to Tama as Kondo's loud, enthusiastic conversation drowned out her words. Tama simply apologised and asked her to wait a little longer. In the end, Otose couldn't kick the kids out fast enough. She had allowed them to stay longer for the last few nights, since they were alone. Especially Kagura, who insisted on staying in the apartment until Gintoki returned. They were surprised when Otose was practically pushing them out of the door. She couldn't ignore all the worst case scenarios rattling around her brain. The instant they were gone, Otose turned with one lowered brow to Tama.

"Gintoki-sama and Hijikata-san were taken by the organisation who staged the siege of the shopping centre." Tama began, and the look of dismay Otose gave her was the indication that maybe she hadn't sounded as consoling as she had meant to.

"... What?"

"He has a device created by Master Gengai, so do not worry. I cannot tell you of the details, however Otose-sama, you must not investigate. It will put them in danger."

"And how the heck does he imagine he is going to escape, that damn moron?"

"All he mentioned to me was one name." Tama replied, and already Otose knew that it wasn't going to be good news.

"Who?"

"Takasugi Shinsuke."

…

The click of the door unlocking seemed to wake Hijikata from his sleep. Gintoki refrained from tutting emphatically. Trust him to snap awake at the quiet unhinging of the door, and not the ten minutes Gintoki had spent shouting at him in boredom. He pushed onto his hands and knees, hand twitching by his side with nothing to grasp. Gintoki, on the other hand, remained relaxed on the floor nestling his injured hand in his lap. Whilst Hijikata had been asleep, he had tottered around to relieve his tired legs and even stretched off a little. It was the most exercise he had done in days. They were cooped up with little room to move in, no where to sit and absolutely nothing to do. It had been Gintoki's version of hell and thus Hijikata had suffered the incessant complaining and nagging from one bored sugar addict. On the other hand, Gintoki had to calm the latter during his nicotine withdrawal kicks. All in all, Gintoki couldn't tell if it was just wishful thinking that he believed they didn't have long left until D-day.

Although, entrance of Villain A suggested that he might be right.

"Long time no see~" he cooed. "Have you enjoyed your stay?" They had not seen Adachi, nor many other human beings, since the first customers had visited many days ago. The occasional amanto had been shown into the room to gawk at them like animals in a zoo. Jeering had occurred, some prodding and a lot of cussing from Hijikata. There had been no such incidents like the first, however. Gintoki wasn't about to jump up and start a fight. Out of the two of them, Hijikata had the shortest wick and he spent each visit growling in a corner, the injured hand of Gintoki serving as a warning to any future escape attempts. He was radiating aggression at that moment, too.

"I wouldn't give it five stars," Gintoki replied. "Maybe three on tripadvisor."

"Well you haven't got long left, anyway. Your last buyer comes in today and if he doesn't pledge enough for you, we'll be taking you with us into outer space until we find someone who does. People aren't as hung up on revenge for the war as I thought."

"Only you, it seems." Adachi blinked, and his lips peeled back into a grin. Hijikata narrowed his eyes at his silver haired prison-mate.

"You're sharp."

"It's not what most call me." Gintoki shrugged. "I've just done my research."

"Ooh, interesting." Adachi chuckled. "How scary. Anyway, I think you'll sell for a high price today. My client showed particular interest in you."

"What's his name? I'll give him a high five."

"He remained anonymous, as most do in this line of work. He signs messages with Ki." Gintoki snorted. "Well, I only came in to warn you. You'll be wanting to look your best, I'm sure."

"I always look my best."

"... How unfortunate." Adachi frowned, and closed the door behind him leaving only the usual tray of food in his wake. Gintoki yelled some sort of nonsensical insult and battered the door, unhappy that not only had he not had the last word, but Adachi had one-upped him in his.

"You fell into that one." Hijikata muttered, already splitting the petty rations in two. At the start of their entrapment, he had thoroughly examined his meal for poisons etc. whilst Gintoki munched away. After a few days, he went on a hunger strike until Gintoki convinced him that was a stupid idea. After all, they needed all the strength they could get. In the end, Hijikata succumbed to scoffing down whatever was given to him. He had grown tired of caring. He tossed half an apple to Gintoki, who threw it straight back.

"No way in-"

"Eat it, for gods sake." With a grunt, he pelted it back so that it hit the bastard in the face. "It's full of sugar anyway."

"Different type of sugar!" Gintoki complained, shuffling over on his bum to scavenge through whatever else was there. "I'll be glad to be out of this dingy room tomorrow."

"Oh yeah? Well what's to say we aren't just going from one dingy room to another? Or worse?"

"Because of the plan."

"The plan, right," he scoffed – he had given up on asking what that entailed. "We're doomed."

"Not if Ki stands for what I expect. Although I'm not sure they're going to be our saviours."

"Who?"

"The Kiheitai."

"Ah, okay." He nodded once, then twice more. "The fucking Kiheitai." He cursed in disbelief.

"Who else would be interested in the shiroyasha and the vice-commander of the shinsengumi?"

"Takasugi Shinsuke. That Takasugi Shinsuke?! You're not being serious."

"I called for a taxi and he was the only one available to pick us up."

"Your ex-joui buddy? Doesn't he hate you? I distinctly fucking remember him trying to kill you. And everyone else in the world. He's a nut-case, Gintoki. We are not trusting him to help us escape. And I'm a policeman! I can't conspire with a convict!"

"You already are. Shiroyasha, remember? Stay here then and be Mr Justice," said Gintoki, shrugging his shoulders and beginning to pick his nose. "Takasugi is expecting us. Though we can't make any moves until I get the signal."

"From who?" Hijikata whacked his hand away, face crunched in disgust. "What signal? How?"

"You ask too many questions!" Gintoki whined, covering his ears. "I've had enough, let's just sleep until tomorrow."

Gintoki curled up into a ball and refused any more questions, despite the fact that Hijikata had enough to keep him going all night. Gintoki took to humming a tune once boredom set in, tapping his fingers against the floor along with the made up rhythm. There was a certain tenseness in the room, one that Hijikata could feel the pulse of in the air with Gintoki as the thumping heart of it. Who knew what could happen tomorrow. Gintoki's kids were still technically hostages. They had to escape but also ensure that everyone he cared for remained safe – that was the plan, he guessed. How Gintoki intended to do so, especially using Takasugi, Hijikata had no idea. And he didn't think it would be easy.

…

Kagura awoke feeling unrested. She rubbed at her weary eyes, scrambling out of Gintoki's sheets where she had taken to sleeping these past few days. Last night, she had slept in the apartment, even though Otae had pleaded with her to come back with them. Because of her stubbornness, Shinpachi had crammed himself into the cupboard to sleep, just so that she wouldn't be alone. This is where Gintoki would return, so this is where she would stay. She felt angry, but she didn't know where to direct that anger. The permed bastard had left them without warning – they were a team! They didn't work alone any more. Yet, she worried incessantly for him because as strong as she imagined him to be, he was only human and there were forces out there powerful enough to bring even Sakata Gintoki to his knees. She had found that out only recently.

She felt her eyes sting.

"Gin-chan ..." she murmured into the silence of the apartment. "Where are you?"

A crash at the door had her scrambling across the tatami, feet barely touching the floor as she sprinted to the source of the noise. She heard Shinpachi awakening, too, but he was too slow and she wasn't stopping for anybody.

The door began to open and the crack of light cast a shadow of a permed individual onto the floor. She skidded to a halt and threw the door open wide. She was met by a grin that made her heart sink, sink into the floorboards.

"Hello!~" Sakamoto Tatsuma laughed heartily. Water spilled onto her cheek but she quickly scrubbed it with her sleeve. Kagura slammed the door in his face unceremoniously and left a stammering Shinpachi to pick up where she abruptly left off. "I've come to take you away." The laughing man grinned, stopping Kagura in her tracks.

AN- I just had no time to write, so I cut short the chapter for now. Hopefully the content is enough to keep you interested despite the length! Enjoooy~

Plz review fanks