Utensils clicked quietly in the dining hall, a yawn or burp occasionally gracing the ears of the heroes inside. Bright orange morning light beamed through the windows and casted long washes of sunlight across the room. The air was pleasantly warm.
"Pretty nice to be eating with these tall-legged chairs for once," Saitama said in-between bites of fried pork steak. His disciple nodded, taking a perfectly measured bite of his own katsu.
"Yes, sensei. The hot spring used to be small and traditional, but as the owner's fame grew, he renovated it to a slightly more modern style. Apparently many people enjoy sitting higher up."
Saitama raised an eyebrow.
"Oh? How'd you know all that?"
"When we walked along the hillside path yesterday, there were signs talking about the resort's history, sensei."
"Ah. I didn't notice." The baldy took a swig of water. "Do you always read things when we go out to walk?"
"Yes, sensei. I find it important to be fully aware of my surroundings."
"How… exactly are you aware if you're distracted by text?"
"I have a built-in photographic memory," Genos explained. "It didn't take long to process."
"Whoa."
"Would you like to read quickly too, sensei? I'm not sure that you can't have a memory drive installed into your brain, but I have been researching speed reading techniques for you, since you always read manga. Would you like to learn them, master?"
"Mmm… maybe next time."
"I'll have some material prepared when you're ready, sensei."
"Sure, sure," the baldy said. He took another bite of his food. "Oh yeah, by the way," he started again. "You went off somewhere last night. Just before I went into the hot spring. Thought you needed to pee, then realized, well…"
"I was speaking with a fellow S-Class, sensei." Genos interrupted him. "Zombieman, to be specific. He was about to interrupt your conversation with Atomic Samurai."
"Zombieman, huh?" Saitama scratched his chin. "So like, he's undead?"
"In a sort, sensei…" Genos chattered on, always eager to explain things to his master.
The two heroes were quite well-rested. They had been invited to a small game with Bang and some other heroes last night, but quickly dipped out after Atomic Samurai started getting money involved. They didn't have anything to do afterwards, so they decided to rest and wake up early the next day. Saitama hadn't been able to completely walk along the hillside path since he forgot to unpack, so the hero planned to go up there bright and early. A hundred sit-ups, push-ups, squats, and a 10 kilometer run would be fun to try out while looking at the flora, Saitama figured. Maybe he'd even get to see some deer or something.
Whoosh — clack!
The sliding door of the dining hall opened, and the two heroes were met with a shock of green curls resting atop some pink fabric. It kind of looked like a scarecrow colored by some kids.
Saitama barely made out a face under all the hair.
"Tats?" he asked.
"Mrgh," was all he got as a reply.
The esper walked slowly to the two heroes, taking a seat at a table behind the bald man. She pushed all of her unruly hair out of her face.
"You're up early," Saitama said, swivelling his chair towards her.
"Head hurts," the girl couldn't be bothered to look at the baldy. Nor add more words to her sentences. "Slept bad."
"I did say that you'd regret drinking," the hero said.
"Yeah, yeah," the esper rolled her eyes.
"… Did you have water, though?"
"Of course," she replied. "I'm not stupid."
"Yeah," Saitama nodded his head. "Just a lightweight."
"Gh… well, you're—"
Tatsumaki's retort was cut off by the baldy. He patted her head while he laughed, and the girl stiffened.
"What do you think you're doing?!" the esper asked, turning around. The baldy looked at her and slowly put his hand away.
"Oh," he said. He looked surprised. Did he not know he was doing that? "Sorry."
"Ugh," Tatsumaki said, touching the spot where Saitama's hand was. Thankfully there wasn't anyone else in the dining hall to hear her little outburst. She stood up to get some food.
Saitama looked at his palm thoughtfully.
The sound of utensils began once more.
.
"Food helps," Tatsumaki murmured, her plate empty.
"Yep, for sure," Saitama said, then quickly turned to Genos. "She won't barf, right?"
"One of the best ways to overcome a hangover is to have a hearty breakfast," the man's disciple added. "Although I am not quite sure what the optimal balance of carbohydrates, proteins, and lipids would be…"
Before the cyborg could go off on a tangent, the bald hero stood up.
"I'm stuffed," he said, stretching. "I think I'm gonna go for a walk."
"Very well, sensei," Genos stood up as well. "I will go upstairs."
"Oh?" Saitama raised an eyebrow. "You're not gonna come?"
"I haven't yet arranged your room this morning," the cyborg said. "In addition, we have only around eight hours until we are scheduled to leave. I plan to acquire as many toiletries for our apartment as possible."
Saitama smiled, pulling Genos to him and rubbing the younger boy's hair with his hand.
"Ah!" he said, eyes glimmering. "I'll help you after I'm done, okay?!"
"Yes, sensei," Genos said, his expression completely serious as Saitama noogied him.
As the cyborg left the room, Saitama walked over to the buffet one last time. A stick of free barbecue would be a perfect snack while he went on his way.
The hero opened the fusuma.
"You gonna walk?" The green-haired esper was behind him. Apparently she'd finished her food, too.
"Yep," the baldy turned around. "Wanna come?"
"I was going even if you didn't ask," she said.
"Sure," Saitama said.
The two walked off.
.
The path was beautiful in the early morning light. Hues of green and yellow bounced brightly in the growing sunlight. Trees and small plants lined the cozy winding path, each carefully picked so as not to block the view as people walked. A few flowers bloomed shyly here and there, peeking in swaths of red and orange. They seemed to have been newly planted.
"So," Saitama began, enjoying the crisp wind as they walked. He already finished his barbecue. -*"You seemed to have a little meltdown yesterday."
"I— ugh…" Tatsumaki rubbed her head. "I don't wanna talk about it."
"Are you sure?" the baldy asked. "Because you, uhh, really had me worried back there."
The esper glanced at Saitama. Only for a second, though.
Without a reply, the baldy shrugged.
A cool puff of air danced through the leaves, ruffling the yukatas the two were wearing. The green-haired girl winced and took a deep breath, trying to stop herself from touching her head in front of the baldy.
"What a nice wind," Saitama said, completely oblivious.
"Uh huh," Tatsumaki sighed. Despite the scenery, their little excursion was turning out worse than she thought it would be. The two walked on, the dirt path muffling the sound of their footsteps.
The girl shook her head. Why did she think that walking with him was a good idea in the first place? Every time they talked, it ended up with the esper feeling more aggravated than before. And she didn't know why!
The two slowly approached a little pocket of clear ground, carved into the hill most likely to be able to see the sights below. It was a quaint little area, filled with flowers and little signs that Genos had probably read as they went up. A small red bench was placed in the middle of the clearing against the wall, where the most wind would swirl. It was fit for two.
Saitama wasn't tired in the slightest, but looked to his little esper colleague questioningly.
"Need a little break?" he asked.
"We've got time, I guess," the girl replied. Her legs were beginning to hurt, but the baldy didn't need to know that.
So they sat.
.
"I'm surprised the Hero Association has time to treat all the S-Class for two days," Saitama said. "Isn't that, like, kind of unsafe?"
"True," Tatsumaki said. "But the A-Class heroes should be able to handle things until we're able to get the news."
"Ah."
"And besides," the girl continued. "That stupid Metal Knight didn't even attend. So he's got guard duty."
"Makes sense."
.
The leaves rustled.
.
"How long have you been that cyborg's teacher?" Tatsumaki said.
"Probably for a few weeks already. Why?"
"You haven't really taught him anything," she said, tilting her head to look at him.
"Hey, I do teach him!" Saitama sputtered.
The girl looked unconvinced.
"Well, uh, actually," the baldy scratched his head. "By that I mean he seems to do all the learning himself."
"I thought as much," the esper said. "There's no way you'd be able to teach him using words."
The baldy shrugged.
Then he realized.
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?!"
The esper held back a smirk.
.
Sunlight twinkled behind the canopy.
.
"How're your injuries?" Saitama asked.
"Fine," replied the girl.
"You know, you look a little tired," the baldy said.
"Sleepy," she said, shaking her head in an attempt to jolt herself awake.
"Still?"
Tatsumaki shrugged. The pain in her head was subsiding, at least.
"At least you can walk this far, huh?"
.
The day brightened bit by bit. Time was passing slowly.
.
"So… you heard, right?" Tatsumaki began, staring at the bottom of the hill. "What I said to my sister last night."
"Yep."
"Mmm…" the girl's expression was neutral.
"Did you want to talk about it?"
"…"
"You don't need to," Saitama said, standing up. Sitting relaxed on the bench nearly made him forget about exercising. "If you're tired, why not go back into your room?"
The girl stood up.
"I don't want— what're you doing?"
"Exercising." The baldy was a blur as he squatted. "Why?"
"Who exercises during a vacation?" Tatsumaki raised an eyebrow. "You're just like Darkshine."
"Dunno who he is." The man's voice was vibrating as he moved. "But I do this everyday."
"Well, you look like a maniac."
"I'll be done in a few seconds," Saitama said. He was now doing sit-ups.
The esper couldn't help but stare at the man as he rushed through his exercise like a sped up training video. In a blink, he was doing push-ups. Then he took a runner's stance, aiming straight up the path.
"Where're you goin—"
Even the wind seemed surprised. The man disappeared and the air around him jumped, a whole second late. The gust sent the forest into chorus, and sent dust flying through the air. The esper rolled her eyes as her hair danced in the wind.
"Show-off," she said, patting down her yukata.
.
The man was back within two minutes, and found the esper waiting on the bench. She was boredly swirling leaves with her powers, trying to get them to form a small tower.
"Took you long enough," Tatsumaki said. The glow around her finger disappeared, and the stack of leaves tumbled down.
Saitama walked over to her.
"The view from the top is kind of nice," he said, taking a seat once more. "Though I only saw it for a few seconds."
The esper sighed. He seemed to have caught her in the middle of some deep thought. She looked a little agitated. Again, he decided it was best to leave her alo—
"How much did you hear?" Tatsumaki's voice was quiet.
"A lot," the baldy said. "Like how your sister said you apologized somehow. Or how you said you beat the enemies or something? And something about being weak. I dunno. It was kinda awkward to listen to."
'If you heard everything, then why…?'
"I lied," she said. Her face felt hot. "To her."
"Well… I'm sure she'll understand?"
The esper shook her head.
"She'll hate me if I tell her the truth."
"For saying sorry?" Saitama asked. "I don't really get it."
Tatsumaki sighed. Something had been festering in her mind since the night before, and she felt compelled to let it out. It did have something to do with him, as well. Even though he didn't know it.
'At least… it's this idiot, right?'
"My sister…" she began slowly. "She thinks I'm unbeatable. If I let her know I failed, her whole image of me would rip apart."
The bald hero was quiet. For once, it looked like he was thinking.
"So you apologized?" he repeated.
"Grrh, yes! Okay?!" she said, exasperated. "When that alien freak attacked, I thought it was all over! So I said sorry! And ever since, I had to lie to Fubuki just to keep my imag—"
.
"In what world does saying sorry make you weak?"
.
The esper turned to him, startled.
"What?" she asked.
The baldy looked at her. His eyes were different.
"So what if you lost," he asked. "So you apologized. So what? How does that make you weak?"
"Are you making fun of me, or are you just dumb?!" she asked, a small bubble of anger forming. "Losing is weakness, you idiot!"
"That's an insult to heroes," Saitama said firmly.
The esper clicked her tongue. She knew it was a bad idea to talk to him.
"Whatever," she said, walking back down the hill. "Don't tell anyone about this."
"Okay?" Saitama said, confused. It really wasn't the best idea to talk to her, huh?
.
.
"Master Saitama!" Genos met the baldy as he entered the resort. He looked panicked. "We've discovered something terrible upstairs!"
Saitama quickly followed, rushing past the second floor and into the third — where they had their little celebration the day before. The sight that met him was gruesome.
A pale hero was lodged into the floor, impaled by a heavy-looking katana. Blood had pooled on the floor around him. His blue yukata was ruined.
Saitama was more surprised than disturbed. He'd seen a lot more violence than this in his years working as a hero. For an S-Class to have been killed during a vacation, though — it was kind of tragic. Completely uncalled for.
A few more S-Class heroes had gathered around, along with a distraught-looking Sitch, Ona and Fubuki. It seemed they had almost everyone there, just staring at the pale hero's unmoving body.
"So," Child Emperor was the first to break the silence. "The most obvious piece of evidence…"
"Yep." Atomic Samurai raised his hand. "That's my sword. Left it at the banquet hall when I went to play some cards with Silverfang."
The room could feel the anger emanating from him.
"Someone used my trusted sword to do such a thing," he said through gritted teeth. "They won't get away with this."
Before Child Emperor could question him further, Bang stepped forward.
"I can vouch for Kamikaze," he said. "I was with him all night."
"So was I," Iairon chirped.
"Hmm…" The young S-Class hero put a hand on his chin. "Then did anyone see any sketchy activity going on before this?"
Darkshine raised his hand.
"Well, actually, yeah," he said. "When Prisoner and I went to buy some protein shakes, we met up with Zombieman. I made some small talk, but Prisoner stayed back behind a wall, just watching him."
Puri Puri looked aghast.
"M-me?! Why would I kill such a beautiful man?!" he said, a hand over his heart. "The reason I was hiding, was, well… what kind of person would be able to speak to the one that catches their eye face-to-face?!"
Child Emperor sighed. As much as he'd like to suspect the convict, it just wasn't adding up. Still, he wouldn't go as far as to say there was no chance of the prisoner having done it. He mentally noted to question him further later.
"Uhm," he began, frantically grasping for a lead. "Is there anyone else who wants to speak up?"
The S-Class heroes buzzed amongst each other, each confirming an alibi.
"Found a batting cage not too far from here," Metal Bat said, yawning. "Stayed up 'till one in the morning, so it couldn't have been me."
"I was talking to Ona about implementing tank-top yukatas last night," Tank-Top Master said, annoyed. "He said no."
"I was accompanying Master to partake in card games with Silverfang," Genos added.
"After the party, I went to the path behind the hill, took out my trusted Instakill and…" Flashy Flash rambled on, detailing every single action he took that night.
Saitama looked over to Tatsumaki, wondering if she had any idea about the whole mess. If he remembered correctly, she was the last one upstairs.
"Oi," he whispered, scooting over to the girl hiding behind the large body of Darkshine. "You know what happened here?"
"Tch." Was the girl's only reply.
The baldy had a small idea who it was now.
"So you just kil—" he began.
"Shut up," she interrupted him before he could finish. Saitama didn't miss the look in her eyes. It was just like the night before.
Saitama walked back over to Genos thoughtfully.
"… after my hundredth lap around the hill, I promptly took a bath and went to bed," finished Flashy Flash.
"And I slept as soon as the party ended," Child Emperor concluded. "It seems we need to gather those not present to get more info, then. Where are Pig God, Watchdogman, and Ta—"
"Wait," Atomic Samurai raised a hand to interject. "If there's anyone suspicious here, it's her."
The not middle-aged man pointed his thumb at an attendant.
"She called all of us," he announced. "Said we all had to meet here urgently."
The girl, put on the spot, shook her head.
"Uh, well, actually," she stammered. "Someone else informed me about it beforehand."
"Well?" Bang raised an eyebrow. "Out with it. Who?"
"H-him, sir!"
She pointed over to a figure masked by shadow. The man stood solid as a rock, the blue yukata he was dressed in was completely out of place.
He slowly walked forward into the light. What it revealed was a frightening man, even by the heroes' standards: three sharp scars scraped down across the whole left side of his face, a golden-blond cascade of hair pulled back as if in an attempt to tame it, and bottomless blue eyes that seemed to see all.
Child Emperor looked relieved.
"King!" he said. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because," his voice was deep. "You didn't ask."
"Well, please tell us how you found the body."
"I was walking back to my room after buying a drink. I wanted to take a bath," he said. "And I realized I forgot my phone in the celebration hall, so I went back upstairs. That's when I saw the body. And notified the attendants."
"Sounds a little far-fetched," Child Emperor said. "Why would you buy a drink while taking a bath? And why not use the hot spring?"
"It was closed," the stone-faced hero said. "And what I do with my own time is MY business."
"Tch," Metal Bat scoffed. "That's vague as hell, man."
A deep beating sound emanated from King.
Atomic Samurai tilted his head towards the heroes.
"This King fella, he's always been the brooding, mysterious type," he muttered.
"There's no mystery about this matter," King said. The beating grew louder.
Bang stepped forward.
"That noise. That's the infamous 'King Engine,' correct?" the martial artist's eyes narrowed. "Are you getting ready for battle, King?"
"If you continue to question my actions, then I will have no choice," King said, closing his eyes.
"No choice but to…?" Atomic Samurai smirked. He walked over to Zombieman and pulled his sword out. "You really think you can take us all o—"
"Ngh!" Zombieman pushed himself off the ground and stretched his neck. "How long was I out for?"
The whole group gasped.
"Zombieman?!" Child Emperor said. "You're okay!"
"Yeah," the pale-skinned hero replied. "If getting stabbed is what people call 'okay' nowadays."
Had the S-Class not been so surprised, they would have chuckled.
"Impressive," Atomic Samurai said, looking at his blade. "I'd have thought that a stab to the heart was fatal, even for you."
Zombieman rubbed his head.
"Yeah, well sorry to disappoint," he said. "So you were all worried I'd died?"
"A little," Child Emperor said.
"So," Metal Bat stepped forward. "You saw who did it. Not that it matters, now."
"'Not that it matters?'" Flashy Flash scoffed. "Someone tried to kill an S-Class hero. That matters quite a bit."
"Er," Metal Bat stepped back. "Yeah… I forgot."
"Now, now," Zombieman said. "It's not that big a deal, really. And it's kind of my fault in the first place. It was…"
.
Tatsumaki felt her pulse quicken.
The S-Class heroes relied on respect to work around each other. The more respect gained, and the better their reputation was amongst their peers. The hierarchy was carefully balanced, and one misstep like this could cause a huge uproar within the Association.
Stupid, drunk Tatsumaki.
She berated herself for doing something so idiotic.
.
Fubuki rubbed her shaking hands in an attempt to warm them.
There was only one person who could have done something. After all, there was only one person drunk and powerful enough to manage stabbing the S-Class that night.
Her deal with Ona was absolutely finished. Her reputation would be ripped to shreds.
.
"It was me." Saitama stepped forward casually, raising his hand.
"EHH?!"
Everyone looked to him.
"You're joking, right?" Child Emperor said incredulously. "Why would you do that?!"
Saitama scratched his head, straining to remember what Genos said during breakfast.
"Well, uhh, I knew that Zombieman couldn't be killed," he began. "So I just tried to… you know…"
He made a stabbing motion with his arm.
"What kind of idiotic low-ranked heroes do we have these days, to attack their colleagues like this?!" Sitch walked over to the baldy. "You may have contributed to the invasion, but this is an outrage! Any points you may have gained then will be revoked!"
Many heroes shook their heads, muttering.
"Didn't even see him there, anyways."
"The boy let his cockiness get the best of him."
"He needs to train his common sense muscles."
"Young Saitama…"
.
"Sorry," the bald man said. "I was kind of drunk."
"Uhh." Zombieman looked completely confused, but tried to ease the tension anyways. "I guess that's it, then. No harm, no foul. Sorry for wasting all of your time. Enjoy the rest of your day, guys."
The group slowly dispersed, still buzzing about the events that had just transpired.
Soon, only five remained.
"I think you have some explaining to do, young man," Bang said. "I know you're strong, but to test it on a fello—"
Zombieman shook his head.
"He was covering for little miss sunshine over there," he said. Pieces of the puzzle were quickly clicking together in his head. He looked over to the bald man. "Question is, why would you?"
"She's got a reputation to uphold and I don't," Saitama said. "Simple as that."
The esper tsked.
"I didn't ask for your help, baldy," she said.
"That was a respectable thing to do," Zombieman told the bald man. He turned to the esper. "You know, you should show a bit more appreciation for your C-Class savior."
"Indeed," Bang interjected. "While I'm glad you two are close enough to be able to do things like this, please be more careful in the future."
The esper sighed. The statement was directed to the both of them, but she knew that he was only talking to her.
"Fine."
The esper wasn't getting off that easily. A certain cyborg walked over to her. There was a shadow over his eyes.
"Sensei's reputation is tarnished enough," he began, jabbing a finger at the esper. "And you had to go and make him ruin it even more!"
Zombieman and Bang looked at each other and decided that it was time to leave. They felt a storm brewing.
There were only three left.
"I knew not to trust you," Genos said bitterly.
"No one asked, Scrap Pile," Tatsumaki said with surprising calmness, jabbing a finger back at the cyborg. "And for the record, I never asked for him to do that."
"You didn't need to," he replied. "You should have just admitted it from the start."
Saitama put a hand on the cyborg's shoulder.
"C'mon, Genos," he said. "Go grab some more toilet paper for the house. I'll follow you in a bit."
The cyborg frowned, but complied.
"Yes, sensei."
.
And then there were two.
.
"You're an idiot, you know that?" she said, sitting down. "Only a special kind of lunatic would do that."
The bald man took a seat in front of her.
"Did that make you think I was weak?" he asked.
"Huh?" The esper frowned. "What're you sayin—"
.
'Sorry.'
.
Tatsumaki shut her mouth.
The baldy patted her head.
"You're an idiot," the green-haired girl said softly. "You know that? A stupid idiot."
"And you're a lightweight," he replied.
The girl sighed. "… I suppose you're gonna go and tell me to apologize to my sister."
The baldy waved his hand dismissively. "Do whatever you want. I was just proving a point."
He stood up and made his way downstairs.
"Hey," Tatsumaki called out. Saitama's bald head popped up below the railing.
"Yeah?"
The girl muttered something.
The baldy placed a hand to his ear.
"What?" he called. "Speak up."
Again, the girl muttered.
"I can't hear you," he said, both hands now placed on either ear.
"I said thanks, you baldy!" she said. "Geez!"
The man laughed.
"Yeah, I know," he said.
Soon he was out of sight.
.
After several minutes Tatsumaki slowly stood up, patting her pink yukata down.
Her headache was gone.
.
.
Ah, the classic Saitama one-liner. Always a joy (and pain) to try and write. Anyways, it seems I've underestimated the amount of setup I have, and it seems it'll take another chapter to fully finish (key word finish, not resolve) the arc I've written so far. So cool, I guess! Just another several weeks of waiting won't hurt anyone, right?
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Also I'd like to give a big, big shoutout to everyone leaving reviews over on my tiny-ass story. It really keeps me going, and I probably wouldn't have had the motivation to finish these chapters if not for you lovely people. Give yourselves a pat on the back and some free toothpaste.
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Also! A quick, maybe-maynotbe important question for y'all. What kind of things would you like to see me write? Maybe an idea for another fic, maybe an idea for future chapters on this one — feel free to tell me! Or not. Do what you want.
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See you whenever,
bb