Chapter 28 - We're Never Breaking Somehow (2:2-2:4)
The throbbing in my arm is fading in again. Guess that's what I get for being so stupid. I should have kept Omega safe. That's what I was supposed to do.
I slump against the back of the seat after unhooking my backpack and dropping it on the ground. "So," I say, eyes closed, "'mega got a bit of something. Not much, but... somethin', I guess."
My brothers are quiet.
It makes me feel even worse.
"Tech was hurt," I add finally.
"You were hurt," Echo replies, and he sounds angry. I wince again, crossing my arms and just breathing, too tired to even brood.
We end up doing a seat-shuffle – Tech taking mine, and I move to Echo's. Wrecker comes back to join us with his new blaster-toy-thing that I really want to know how was constructed. Wrecker sets about peeling Tech's armor off – he's being pretty grumpy about it, and Hunter goes to treating me.
I pull off my outer, dark blue coat-thing. 'mega has one, too, but hers is a different shade. I pull up the sleeve of my light blue blouse a bit, looking away to let him do – whatever it is he does. Got no desire to stare at a blaster wound. They look gross. Hunter's looked awful.
"You okay?" Hunter asks finally with a sigh that makes him sound way, way older than he ought to.
I huff. "Dunno. I mean, yeah. Probably. Totally. Look, I thought I had everything handled and I probably wouldn't've gotten shot if I hadn't been lugging this." I kick at the backpack I dropped in the middle of the floor. "But hey! At least we got something, right?"
Somehow, I really don't think Hunter shares my enthusiasm. I don't share it, either. Tears of half frustration, half pain are stinging my eyes, and I want to cry for a reason I hardly even know. Hunter hadn't wanted to go. If Echo and Tech hadn't insisted, and Cid hadn't dragged Wrecker into it like he did, we wouldn't be in this mess. Tech and I wouldn't have been hurt. We'd be fine. Safe. Maybe I'd feel dejected we lost our change to complete our primary goal, but at least we wouldn't be hurt? I don't know, just... ugh. Everything is ugh.
My arm is throbbing. Stinging. The bacta's cool on it, at least, and I know it won't take long to heal, but it still hurts. I don't know how deeply it burned, but... blaster wounds aren't fun. And I'm angry. Unfairly, but still.
Maybe I'm just getting... too comfortable. Used to being protected, being safe. I'd be so much more useful if I could still See. I need to find a way to get that back.
(What if I start seeing Crosshair every day again? I – I don't want that, but... he's not safe out there. What if he's hurt? If he needs us?)
(We won't be able to do anything for him, anyway.)
(He's not ours anymore.)
(I can't ask that of my brothers. I can't ask Hunter to help him, or Wrecker, or – anyone, not after what he's done.)
(But – but if he needs help, I won't be able to ignore it again.)
"Are we just gonna... keep sitting here and staring at each other?" I ask, tapping a hand on my thigh. "Oh – that's basically what I said to you when we first met."
Hunter's smile is wistful but fleeting, and he squeezes my uninjured shoulder. "Yeah, I remember." He stands, moving to Tech to help with his leg.
**w**
We don't talk-talk about what happened, because obviously that'd be the sane thing to do. It's not our forte. Not mine, anyway. Still, I'm sprawled over one of the chairs in the back, pretending to be busy with a datapad that I'm not even looking at. (I'm basically sleeping. This is so boring.)
"Vision," Echo says. He doesn't sound angry anymore, and I make the mental note to talk to 'mega about this, too. I got to, just... things with us aren't like they used to be.
"Mm?" I ask, blinking a few times and looking up. The blue screens throws a dull lighting across the ship. It's dim enough to put me to sleep, too.
"About earlier," he says, sitting across from me. "I didn't mean to yell."
I lower the datapad to my lap, sighing and leaning back in my seat. "I know, Echo. But we still got something."
"And you were hurt. We could've died."
"We did it for you."
Echo's quiet. He's watching me, I think, waiting, like he actually thinks I have something useful to say. Which, for the record, I never do. "I know what you want. I thought maybe, if I could give you this, then – then that would make things right. I know there's people who need help, but the truth is, that's not our fight, and we can't help everyone."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we can't try to make a difference."
I sigh, shaking my head and turning away. He doesn't get it, and I don't know how to explain it. "I know." I know why he feels so stuck on this. He was a reg for a long time. He had friends there. Brothers. Family. People he cares about. He was hurt fighting in a war, and unlike us, he lives with a constant reminder of where he came from. He can't forget. Maybe – maybe it's not all fair for me to judge him for it.
"I understand that you want something... different than Hunter does," I say finally, "Than all of us, but I – I can't fight the Empire. None of us can. You know what it will lead to. Who it will lead to." I meet his eyes briefly before looking away. "And I can't do that again. I'm not gonna hurt him." Echo's quiet, and after a few heartbeats, I keep talking. "I wanted... to get this so we could... do something with it. there should've been enough to settle down, and I thought maybe – maybe we could give you some, too."
"I know this isn't the life you want," I have to add. "I – I know you wanted more, and... you can't have it, because Hunter will always put Omega first. I'm sorry." I know what that's like. I – I want to be important, too, but I know I never will or can be. Omega's more important, and she needs to be. She – she is. She's not like me. She deserves a different life. She deserves to be one of the ones I fight for.
"I know," Echo says, and I look up to meet his gaze. His eyes are light brown, whitewashed like the rest of him. Sometimes, I wonder how much of his paleness is from being locked away so long, hidden from the sun, and how much is from the injuries themselves. I don't know what happened, just that he got stranded on a lava planet, and his protective suit thing was damaged in the explosion, too.
I don't know if the air's acidity would've affected him fast enough to burn his skin off, if it'd regrow pale scar-color from bacta or not. Never happened to me. Not gonna ask – Echo wouldn't remember, anyway. Some things are best left unsaid.
Echo'd made his choice there, I know he would say. They had a mission, and he wasn't afraid to die for it.
Because orders were orders, and they... yeah. It's not a whole lot different than the chips, really.
"Do you?" I ask helplessly.
"Yes," he promises, "It's a good thing we left Kamino."
I reach out, and Echo gives me his hand. I squeeze it tightly, not really knowing what to say. I just... feel like I messed something up. Maybe like something broke today, maybe because I know what's coming, and I'm not ready.
Never will be.
"Hunter's not the only one who always puts Omega first."
I cock an eyebrow at him. "Hm?"
"In a different life, a year from now, you could've been on the fronts with us," Echo replies, holding my eyes. "But that's not a life we have, and you're a kid, too. The life you need isn't one we can give you."
"But it's the one I want."
"You're a cadet. Not a soldier. You're not ready for field missions."
Ouch. Fair though – I am seven. Echo's active duty started at eight. Same for the other Batch members. I am still young. Doesn't feel like it.
"You need protection as much as she does, Vision."
"Uh-huh," I supply convincingly, thinking of trying to explain how I shoved her up to a wall, tried to slit her throat. She was crying.
"Please, stop. You're my sister."
I can't explain what I have to make up for.
Echo sighs, squeezing my hand back, "That's something we all have to get used to."
**w**
Omega must've talked to Echo, because she seems to be feeling at least somewhat better, though I can't really say anything's changed. She's more settled, at least, when I crawl into the gunner's mount to sit beside her.
"Better?" I ask, hooking an arm over her shoulder as we lay down together. Tech is sleeping, too, per Hunter's orders. The others... I dunno.
She sighs against me. "I heard what Echo said," she confesses.
"You're not a burden, 'mega. He just has issues adjusting sometimes. He's... rigidly inflexible."
Omega tenses a bit. "Don't say that."
It stings more than it ought to. I just told her the truth. "He is. That doesn't mean it's bad. It's... just what he's like."
Omega sighs, hugging Lula tighter against her. She doesn't even concede my point. Somehow, that makes it hurt even more. No matter what happens now, we're just... changing. Growing. And I'm terrified of trying to live a life without my sister as its center.
"Are you okay?" Omega asks finally. "I know that must've hurt."
"I'll be fine. Just give it a few days. 'least it's not broken." Hunter's gonna have fun dragging Tech to and from the 'fresher.
"I'm sorry," she mutters, "It should've been me to cover."
"I'm fine with this." I'd much rather get shot myself than have anyone else get shot, thanks.
Her sigh is tired. Miserable. I gnaw at my lip, trying to find something to say. It's hard. Everything's hard now. It was easier when it was just her and I, back at the lab, even if I hated it. Still hate it. That made sense. This doesn't. We've both changed, and I don't like the ways for anyone.
**w**
Omega and Wrecker are obsessively playing again, and I got abandoned here by Hunter and Echo to babysit them and Tech, who's still recovering from his broken leg situation. He's mostly better, but that doesn't change my frustrated worry. We came so, heartstoppingly close to losing him.
Wrecker loses somehow, still falling for the same tricks Omega pulls on all of us. Heh. Welcome to why I don't even play against her anymore. Got boring long ago. I prefer when I actually have a chance of winning, thank you very much.
"Quit running up the power bill!" Cid scolds, stomping out from her office.
"Hi, Grouch!" I call back, waiving from my seat beside Tech – he's the one who needs most babysitting, thanks, Hunter.
"It's time to get to work. I got another job for you."
"Hunter and Echo aren't back from the other mission yet," Omega objects.
"I would not call transporting 50 cases of nerf nuggets a "mission,"" Mr. The Contrary immediately interjects, "Nor is it a proper use of our skill set."
"Yeah, whatever," I groan, "What you got for us?" Don't know I like the idea of running off without Hunter and Echo – we go places as a team, thanks. Not individuals.
"You're gonna be my security crew," is basically all Cid has to say about the mission.
"Yeah, better check with Hunter, first," I argue, crossing my arms. "I'm not goin' anywhere when he could come back to find us gone."
Cid groans. "No time! The shuttle's already waiting."
"He's our Sergeant," I snap back, dialing Hunter's frequency into my comm. It beeps uselessly to its full beeping cycle.
"Maybe it'll be fun," Omega offers, as if that's the most important thing in the universe.
"Works for me," Wrecker agrees.
I throw my head back and groan. Hunter told us to be careful, and after last time of being left out on a mission on Raxus, I've learned my lesson. Not gonna go and draw attention. "I am clearly the sole babysitter of all my siblings, and I am getting increasingly annoyed at my stupid employer."
"Considering I am not an infant, I do not require a babysitter," Tech argues fiercely.
Oh, come on.
I hate everything.
Especially how much I sound like Crosshair.
**w**
We're off to a scummy racing planet, apparently. I still haven't made it through to Hunter – what's he even doing? I hope he's okay. I'd say what could go wrong in nerf nugget transportation, but well, these are us.
Cid's using some snobby droid as a racer, whose ego somehow beats Tech.
Cid has a bet going on with somebody, which I genuinely pay zero attention to until TAY-0 loses. I sorta forgot why it was my problem, actually, 'til Mr. Annoying Giant saunters in demanding payback for the bet Cid was dumb enough to place with him.
"Wanna step in here?" Cid grumbles when it gets too out of hand, because clearly, she needs us to save her scales. "I didn't bring you two for the company."
Wrecker throws TAY-0's remains onto the ground with a thump, and I have zero regret watching it. It's sorta funny, because he definitely deserved that, but this isn't a pretty situation. I reach for my own blaster, too, silently cursing my inability to See. I should've known and been able to stop this madness. Ugh. I'm so stupid.
I was so busy thinking about me and how I couldn't focus when all I could think about was Crosshair, so occupied being angry that I stopped worrying about everyone else.
"Wait!" Omega cries, jerking forwards, "How much does she owe?"
"More than you got, kid," he replies.
"Well... we're not done yet," she protests, though on the bright side, his people are standing down. I can't help wondering if I could get my blaster out and get a clean shot at them or not – I don't know, but it's risky. Don't know that I want to try it, either. Even if I got him, there's still three others, and we could take them all out, but that leaves too much for chance.
Crosshair could've done it, but I am not him.
He laughs, motioning for his people to stand down. Guess he's still planning to humor us. "Looks like you're done to me."
"One last race," my sister offers, "If you win, we pay you double. If we win, we get Cid."
"You don't know what you're getting into, kid."
"I'm inclined to agree with him, Omega," Tech warns, and she turns around to look up at our brothers. I haven't moved from my hand on blaster position. This isn't the kinda person we wanna cross, but... we can't let Cid die, either. We have nowhere else to go, and admittedly, I... would not be fine with just walking out. Cid's maddening, but I don't want her dead.
"Yeah, I'm inclined, too," Wrecker agrees, as if he somehow knows what's happening. Not to be mean, but really, he's usually clueless. "We don't know anything about racing." It's a fair point, but nobody said we had to play fair, either, did they?
Omega looks between them, then to me, but genuinely, I don't know what to do. I'm mad at Cid, but... "They're gonna hurt Cid if we do nothing," Omega whispers, turning around to look up at Mr. Big and Ugly. "Do we have a deal?"
"We race tomorrow. And I keep Cid as collateral," he says, and his rude guards shove her forwards under the heat of my glare, "For your sakes, you better be able to pay up."
**w**
Tech is perfectly happy about rebuilding TAY-0, which I don't even get, and he sends 'mega and I to check over the speeder. The droid is maddening, and I hate him to pieces. Heheh. Literally.
"You know, instead of repairing him, we should be taking out that gangster," Wrecker whines, sitting on the edge of the workbench.
"Yep," I agree, hopping down from the speeder and moving to lean on the bench across from Tech. "Then we can get Cid outta there, and make sure he can't hurt anyone else."
"We cannot apply our military tactics to this situation," Tech replies, "Millegi is dangerous and connected. Even if we extract Cid and escape, they will seek retribution."
Oh. Great. "But... we have no guarantee of winning another race!"
"That is ridiculous," TAY-0 argues, "TAY-0 will be the victor."
"Oh, like you did this time?"
"You have a problem with droids, human?"
"Ah, just legless ones. I know a Gonk who was much smarter than you, thanks." I turn back to my brothers, leaning my palms against the cold metal table. "How sure are we that he's connected?"
"Rumor has it, the last sponsor who failed to pay Millegi is now taking a permanent pit stop in the eastern sand dune," the annoying droid pipes up, and for all that I want to beat up Cid sometimes, especially after what she pulled to force us to go to Serenno and how annoying she was about our only getting a few gem handfuls, I don't want her to die.
"Which is why we have to win the race and save Cid," Omega says firmly.
"This is not the first time she has required our assistance due to her dealings with individuals of questionable integrity," Tech replies, "It is a... problematic pattern."
"No kidding," I mutter, pulling back and turning away, pacing the length of our pit. "We still have no guarantee this is gonna work." I should really have talked that through with our brothers first. This is why we need Hunter with us. He's the only one who ever knows what to do and is actually right about it.
"Uh, hey, yeah," TAY-0 pipes up, "Did you forget you were working on me? 'cause it seems like you're just having a conversation about nonsense over there. How about a little less chatter, a little more spanner?"
Honestly. This droid. Does he need me to weld his mouth shut?
**w**
TAY-0 gets smashed to bits next morning right before racing. I have no remorse, except that Tech spent hours working on that stupid droid and now, all his work is nothing. And the last thing we need is to be in trouble with Mr. Big and Ugly, who's finally returned with Cid. Though, who am I kidding? It's not like TAY-0 could pull off a victory any better than last time.
"He's fine!" Cid snaps, in clear denial, rushing forwards to TAY-0. "Snap out of it, tin bin!"
"I regret nothing," he croaks before his wires disconnect and he flops out uselessly. Guess that's a droid's form of dying?
"Yeah," I scoff, "Me either." I step forwards pointedly, positioning myself partly in front of 'mega.
"Tough luck. Looks like a forfeit," Mr. Big and Ugly says. Cid's tapping her claws together in a thinking-frantically phase, and Tech crosses his arms. "No racer means Cid loses. And so do you."
"I don't think so," I warn, eyes narrowed.
"We have to do something!" Omega cries, turning to Wrecker like he could somehow solve all of life's problems. (I used to look at Omega like that, So much has changed.)
She looks at me when he doesn't offer a solution, but my mind is fully blank, and I have no idea what to do. I ought to. This was always my role. To See. We're in trouble, too, now, no thanks to Omega's constant need to help everyone. Yeah, Cid needed help, but now –
I should've known. Seen this, but I didn't. I need to find a way to reopen it. Somehow.
"I will be the racer," Tech announces, and we all freeze. Cid looks up at him with a laughable level of terror.
"You?" I ask, "You sure?"
Wrecker's spluttering confused sounds.
"Of course, I am certain," he replies, "I would not have offered if I was not."
"You heard him!" Cid snaps, "The bet's still on!" 'course, she's the first to try saving her scales – not that I blame her. I would, too.
"I never stop a fool from giving his life to make me rich," Mr. Big and Ugly decides, and here we go.
**w**
Tech said he knows what he's doing. He'll be fine. He'll be fine fine fine finefinefinefine.
My fingers are tapping non-stop on the railing wall as we watch the race commencing, anyway. I can't deny being terrified. He was already hurt, and Hunter told me to make sure he rests, not that there's much I can do to force him if he's not going to listen to me. That's one order I'm perfectly happy with following.
Sometimes, direct orders are easier. I don't have to think about those.
Wrecker and Omega are freaking out the entire time, and I am a little bit, too, but I still trust him. I know he can pull this off.
"Well, he did tell ya so," I have the desperate need to gloat, for as worried as I am.
He's climbing out of his speeder when we get there, pulling his helmet off.
"You did it!" Omega cheers.
"You sound surprised," Tech notes, as if we couldn't already hear that.
"Yeah!" Wrecker laughs. "I thought you were a goner!"
I run to him, uncaring of how weird he gets about touch, throwing my arms around his neck in a tight but fleeting embrace. He freezes up awkwardly, and I laugh, stepping back. "That was fun. Not the attention we need, or I'd say do it again."
"You are right about that," he agrees, backing away, "I would recommend departing from this planet as soon as we find Cid."
"No doubt there." The thrill though. I wish I could do it myself.
Cid herself is pretty awkward about the entire thing when we finally make it there to get her, and I'm itching to get back to Ord Mantell. If Hunter and Echo are back, they're no doubt worried, even if they know where we went. I'm sure this is another one of Cid's things where she arranged stuff just to get Hunter out cuz she knew he wouldn't agree.
"Next time," I request snippily, "Maybe try to avoid getting in trouble, hm? No more bets with random crazy freaks. Now, let's get outta here."
We're moving for the door when Mr. Big and Ugly calls us again. "Hey. You four," he says, and we pause. Cid's out first, and the door closes behind her. She's in a rush to leave, and I don't blame her. I would be, too. "You could have walked away. That loyalty is admirable, but with Cid, it doesn't always go both ways." Something about his words send a worrying chill down my spine. "Watch your backs."
"We'll be fine," I nod, suppressing an eyeroll, but – but he does know what he's saying. Maybe he's just trynna turn us on Cid to get back at her for something, but for some reason, I just... can't help worrying. I touch Omega's shoulder to steer her out of the room. Time to go back to not-home.
(Maybe the real reason I get it is because I've seen it myself. She's the one who sent us to Serenno. The Empire knows about us now, despite Tech's insistence he checked our files and we're still reported as dead. Someone must've seen Hunter and Wrecker on the way. She's the reason Tech broke his leg and I got shot. Even if that's just as much on Echo and Tech and Wrecker for agreeing to go.)
**w**
"You went with Cid off-world while we were away?" Hunter's staring at us, arms crossed. He looks borderline incredulous, though more tired than anything else.
"Yep," Omega says cheerfully, jumping onto the bench, "It was fun! Cid bought a racing droid. It crashed, but Tech went instead."
Hunter's eyes sloooooowly turn to Tech.
"Considering the circumstances, there was little other option," Tech replies.
"By drawing attention to us?" Hunter asks, "We need to be laying low."
"Cid was in trouble," Omega explains, as if that answers everything, "She needed our help."
"I know it wasn't a good situation," I mutter, shuffling, instantly subdued. I know what can happen if we draw attention. Aside from criminals, there's the Empire. There's always the Empire, and there's Crosshair. He could still be out there, could still be looking. If someone heard about us, it's no doubt him, and when I think of that, I'm terrified. I don't want to see him again. I don't want to have to fight him. I – I just want that to be over. "I'm sorry."
"Well," Hunter says with a sigh that makes him sound far, far older than he actually is, "What's done is done." He turns away, leaving it at that, and I know he's really not okay with it. He's scared. He's always scared.
I sit on the edge of the bench, hands clasped tight enough my knuckles are white.
I feel so – out of place. I don't even know.
I need my Sight, and I... I think I screwed stuff up with Hunter, and I need to fix that. Not to mention 'mega, though that's not something I have any right to complain about. She's got a right to help. Tech saved us all. I'm perfectly aware of that.
It shouldn't bother me so much. I shouldn't feel like this. We made it out. Everything's fine, but we almost weren't, and there's a high chance someday, we won't be walking away with recoverable injuries. My arm is scarred from the blaster wound. Tech's leg is still healing.
I'm the one who chose to let her go on Serenno in a failed attempt to please Echo. And just made him mad. I'm the one who – who let myself get hurt. That wasn't on her, it was me. Always on me.
I just – just feel so empty and lonely and not... not me. I don't know what I am anymore, just like I tried telling Omega ages and ages and ages ago after my chip activated.
I've seen Hunter blindly following everything 'mega says, no matter how uncomfortable he is with it. That's true now, too – he just caves in with it, no matter what it is. He never argues anymore. Hardly even protests. It makes me sick. (Tech's the same way. Even if he's wayyyyy more feral.)
I think I've missed something by a mile with Omega. We've fallen.
Everything is fallen. Hunter's told us not to draw attention. He's tried to keep us safe, and that's one order that shouldn't be so hard to follow. I don't know what... how it is we're failing, but that's all I can do anymore.
Fail.
"The Dark Side hangs heavily over your future."
("I don't want to lose you.")
("I'm not going anywhere.")
("I had a dream we were together.")
(" – there's a bright light that overshadows everything else.")
Final Notes: Reviews are always appreciated! ^-^
Come hang out on Discord (delete spaces), discord . gg / nqSxuz2 or find us on tumblr at fanfictasia (our more serious blog which does have controversial posts on it; I won't be offended if you choose to block it, promise), and disastertriowriting (which is our fun blog with crack posts or incorrect SW quotes)
We've got a YT channel for tributes! (delete the spaces) youtube channel / UC_g1M5rSCxJUzQCRS29B6pA
ALSO: We have SW gift request forms for General, Anakin-Clones-centric, and Bad Batch fics. :D (delete spaces) bit . ly / CourtesyTrefflinFicRequests