Self-love, My Liege, Is Not So Vile A Sin, As Self-neglecting

The crowds of students hanging around the university grounds were all whispering and pointing, and it took a second for Artemis to realise that – for once – they weren't pointing at him. Maybe his novelty was finally wearing off and people would leave him alone. In any case, he wound through the crowds as best he could without drawing any attention to himself.

"Son!" a familiar voice cried, and the crowds parted like the Red Sea. Artemis' eyes flashed up to see his father waving at him, gleefully. He was completely unperturbed by the attention they were now both garnering. In the first place, his father had all eyes on him and that was why so many people were hovering in this area. A man dressed in an expensive looking black suit with threads of gold stitching, wearing a golden watch that looked anything but cheap, leaning casually on a Bentley Continental that was only slightly more conspicuous than Artemis' own vehicle. The man looked about in his late forties and had thick black hair like an Armarni model. A heavy gaze, darkened brows and then those bright piercing blue eyes – many of the students could already guess who this less-than-discrete businessman might be.

"Father!" Artemis gasped in surprised. He hurried over before they could attract even more attention, but by now it felt like the whole world was looking. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd have dinner with my little Arty." His arms opened wide like he expected a hug; there was no chance in hell he was getting one here.
"You can't park here, it's double yellow lines."
"I'm not parked for long; I'm waiting for you."
"Nevertheless, double yellows."

"You make it sound like you're not happy to see me," the older man laughed gruffly and cuffed his boy on the ear. "You think I can't afford a parking fine, son? Anyway, I have a contact in the council that would resolve that." Artemis sighed heavily. As happy as he was to see his father, he just wished they could get away from all those prying eyes.

"Artemis! Sorry, excuse me," a distant voice gained Artemis' attention and he began to turn to identify it. "Sorry, Artemis!" Katherina was elbowing her way through the forming crowd, waving at him. His brow flicked up. "The professor just gave me this. I think it's your work. He wanted me to hand it you."

"Ah," Artemis took the paper and became very aware of a pair of eager blue eyes watching him carefully. He decided to be as courteous as possible – couldn't have father thinking he wasn't fitting in at school. "This is the essay I handed in last week. Thank you, Katherina."

"Kat," she corrected. "Or Kath, if you prefer."

"Kat, then," he smiled again, just to make sure his father was getting the right impression.

"A friend of yours, Arty?" Right, time to get away. Before his father invited his whole university home for tea.

"I'm taking the same course, I'm Kat."

"Kat!" Artemis Senior offered his hand to her and when she gingerly extended her own, he took it with enthusiasm. "Nice to meet you. That's a funny accent you have there. Where are you from?"

"I've lived in a couple of places. I was mainly brought up in England." She was certainly nervous, but still polite even as his father placed two open palms on her shoulders.

"Are you hungry, Kat?" Oh no, Artemis groaned internally.
"Sorry?"
"I'm just about to take my little Arty out for something to eat. Do you want to join us?"
"Father, I really don't think-"
"Mind your manners, Artemis."
"I just wanted to return his essay. I don't want to disturb you-"
"Don't be silly!" Artemis Senior laughed in a friendly manner, but Kat was looking more and more like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a very large 4x4. A tank, even.
"Father," Artemis spoke louder now but still maintained his composure. "You're making her uncomfortable. Can't you see it's hard for her to refuse?" Kat glanced nervously between the two Artemis'. The elder one seemed to give in.

"Sorry, I just got a little excited. Next time, eh?"
"Yes, uh, that'd be nice." Relief flooded visibly through her and Artemis couldn't help feeling sorry for her. He was also glad that it was Kat who had returned his papers. Anybody else, and there'd be a mob of university students pretending they were best friends with him just to have a look inside their flash, pricey Bentley and meet the infamous Mr Fowl. She almost bowed as she retreated, still smiling. Their eyes met a fraction of a second before she turned to walk away. Artemis' nose scrunched, his eyes regarding her coldly. She flinched, then hurried off.

"My car's not far away. You didn't need to pick me up." Regardless, he walked round the side of the car and opened the passenger door. His father swung into the driver's seat.
"I dropped Butler off to pick up your car. The two of us are heading out! The Fowl men!" It was then that Artemis remembered Holly's message from the night before as he settled into the leather seat.
"Ah, father, as pleased as I am, could we postpone this until tomorrow?"
The frown that creased his father's face showed he was not overly happy with this suggestion. "Why? Are you busy tonight?"
"I'm meeting with a friend," Artemis said, knowing he had to give his father enough information to grasp but not enough that it would make him start questioning. "She doesn't often get, uh, time off from work."
"She?" Artemis Senior glanced in the direction that Kat had just disappeared. "I see." He folded his arms and thought carefully. "Well, I have a business meeting tomorrow evening but … let me see."
"Well, I suppose we could get something to eat now," Artemis checked his watch. Ten to four. "As long as I'm back for the evening."
"Where are you meeting your friend? I could pick them up." Artemis really did not like lying to his father. He'd only managed to clean his conscience by considering his adventures with the faery people as 'hiding information', not changing it. Right now, however, he was finding it difficult to explain his underground faery friend without slipping in a few bits of misinformation.

"No, it's fine, honestly." He hoped he could get his father off the scent as quickly as possible. "We're meeting near where she lives, so it's on the way for me." The elder man nodded to himself and started up the engine. The car purred into life and quietly pulled away onto the main road. The lack of sleep began to catch Artemis up in the peace of the warm Bentley, and he was soon sinking into the leather even further. He'd gone to sleep the same day he'd woken up, and university life drained him. Faces rolled behind his eyelids, watchful eyes, fake smiles, all so tiring …

Eventually, his eyelids fluttered closed and his head dropped onto his chest. His father chuckled fondly and abruptly ended an incoming call before it managed to stir the young man next to him. They weren't far from their destination as Artemis Fowl Senior had decided to pick a lower class of diner than they were both used to in an attempt to create a less formal atmosphere between them. Admittedly, he wasn't dressed for a casual meal, but that wouldn't matter to his son. The boy was used to it. He chose to go one less junction down the motorway than necessary to give Artemis a few more minutes of sleep, but he couldn't drive forever. Eventually they pulled up at the location and Artemis Senior had to gently tap his son awake. He felt regret as soon as Artemis' bleary eyes stared back at him in a daze. Artemis was more than tired – he was utterly exhausted, and it showed in his face. Now he was closer, his father could see the dark shadows circling his eyes. It was several seconds before the young man could even stir. He stretched to waken his body, but he felt so heavy.

"Son," Artemis Senior said, softly, "do you want us to give this a miss tonight?"
"I'm just a little tired, father," Artemis began to pull himself from the car and went to adjust his tie – he wasn't wearing one. "and I've missed our dinners together. Although," he looked around and recognised they were at a family restaurant, "usually there are more chandeliers."

Satisfied his son was back to himself again, Artemis Senior climbed from the driver's seat and slammed the door. "I thought we'd act like a proper family."

"We've always been a proper family." Artemis smiled. "And the amount of time we've spent in a … TGI Friday's will not change that."

"I've always wondered what the TGI stood for," his father mused. A family of six exiting their people carrier at the same time gawked as Artemis junior, dressed in dark coloured chinos, a pair of tan brogues and a smart, open collar shirt, ran his hand through his dark locks and beside him Artemis senior clicked the car key of the Bentley and returned it to the pocket of his suit trousers. What a pair they must look to normal folk. "Butler will know and if not, Juliet."

"I'm not sure it matters, father."

"Tell me about your day." He announced brightly, opening the glass door for his son. Artemis approached the staff member by the door and requested a table. The waiter, tanned and with the beginnings of dreadlocks, scurried away. For a second, Artemis was reminded of his troll experiences. He was taken back for a second to his escapade with Holly and Opal. Underwater, so close to drowning, clawing through the water for Holly's hand. "Son?"

"Ah, same old I suppose." Artemis replied and batted off the look of concern on his father's face.

"Might I ask about Kat?"

"Who?" Artemis genuinely asked. He'd slept since then, if only for a couple of minutes. "Ah, Katherina. I met her today. She will be in my group for the assignment.

"She's very pretty."

"Indeed, she is," he kept his voice level and his composure set. There was absolutely no reason for his father to make a fuss out of this. "Do you want me to list every other female I've had contact with at University so that you can interrogate me about each of them?" He regretted the words immediately as his father frowned. His expression reminded him of the man he used to know, before the Arctic Incident. The face of judgement and disapproval.

"Arty."

"Apologies, father," he hastily corrected himself, "I've been a little testy of late, I know."

The waiter returned and lead them to a small corner booth. He noted that Butler would despise this location. A booth restricted his line of sight and the whole building was structured with glass. He allowed himself a small smile. This faded from his face as his father maintained an unusual, stern silence. Artemis slid across the red leather seat next to the window and deliberately buried himself in the menu.

"Son, we need to talk about your behaviour lately." Artemis felt his stomach sink and the twelve-year-old Artemis came flooding back to the surface of his consciousness. Using the word 'behaviour' was particularly cruel of his father. He placed the menu down and met his father's gaze steadily. I am nineteen, now. Not a child. I can have a proper conversation with my father without feeling like I'm being scolded. "You've been acting… unusual."

"How so?"

"I had perhaps passed it off as a young man's behaviour. A touch of rebellion and all those teenage hormones firing around."

"Thanks, father," Artemis commented dryly. "I didn't realise I was still a child skipping around the streets in my jogging pants and adidas t-shirts."
"Don't be crude, Artemis." The use of his full name brought back that chill down his spine. His palms felt sticky, so he pushed them under his thighs. "This morning you left the house at a ridiculous time."

"I like to see the deer in the park on a clear morning."

"Yesterday, well this morning, you stayed up until a ludicrous hour."

"I was completing my assignments."

"Last week, you disappeared for two days."

"Hardly disappeared, father, I rang you." There was a hard block in his throat and he was struggling to keep his tone normal. Just out of the way, the waiter nervously hovered, wondering if he should approach or if now was a bad time.

"Every evening you spend in your room, entranced by your computer and your work. We rarely see you anymore, Arty."

"I'm a university student, I-"

"Artemis, stop talking." Immediately, Artemis swallowed his words and went right back to his spot opposite his father's mahogany desk in the dimly lit room littered with the silver of various stolen accomplishments. "I have no doubt that your mind could come up with a thousand plausible excuses for every scenario I throw at you. What I'm saying is that you've been acting strange, and I no longer believe it to be –"

"Excuse me, are you ready to order your drinks?"
"Disappear." It was one word and that was enough for the waiter to scamper away, looking simultaneously disgruntled and afraid. The room Artemis was in dropped in temperature. The eyes of the portraits on the walls dug into the nape of his neck. Gold rings and watches and necklaces sparkled seductively from the small table in the corner of the room. "As I was saying. I no longer believe it to be normal." His father took a second to observe his son carefully and Artemis could see the cogs in his mind whirring. He daren't speak. "I don't know what's best for you, Arty. I was about to suggest you leave university and go across to America to set up our little business plan. However, son, I don't think that would be best for you. I don't want you to miss this period of your life. I want you to relax." He sighed, heavily.

Finally, Artemis believed it safe to speak. "I am not sure I know how to, father."

"That's what I fear. You can start by ordering whatever you like from the menu." He raised his hand and beckoned the waiter over without even glancing up.

They ordered and settled into another uncomfortable silence. Artemis pushed all the thoughts in his head into a little box in the corner of his mind by distracting himself. He counted all the things that would be causing Butler to have palpitations in their environment, one of his most commonly used distraction techniques and he'd been needing it a lot recently. His father had raised a valid point, what was wrong with him? He pushed it away, back into the box. Their Bentley was wasn't reverse-parked; number one on Butler's list.

"How about you change degrees?"

"I'm not having any problems with my degree. Well, not anything novel that would not equally apply to every other degree."

"Are you enjoying it?"

"It's … eh," he struggled to find the words to placate his father. "To be honest with you, it feels like I'm on a bicycle and I'm peddling backwards. I really want to move forward with our business plan, father, I want to get all our products into production so we can save the planet. But to do that, I'm studying a degree in very basic concepts of the subject, even though I'm eager to move forwards. I hoped the degree would give me new ideas for practical innovation to mitigate climate change."

"Then … do you think you should apply for a better university? Something like Cambridge? Or Harvard?"

"I feel like I'd be wasting precious time."

"Arty, don't forget you're not the only genius working on this problem. It's not your sole responsibility to save the earth." That struck a chord that didn't feel comfortable to accept. It wasn't his responsibility? It was everyone's responsibility. And moreover, his family's enterprises had long contributed to an economy expanded past sustainability. They had prioritised profit over all else for … well, since the beginning of the Fowl lineage. Artemis himself had a responsibility to right his wrongs … He'd kidnapped a member of a whole other species and exhorted them for money. Why could he not find a solution instead to save something, not destroy it.

"Maybe you should go live in halls?" Artemis paled and was unable to hide how horrified that made him. "People make friends for life in universities. It would be a good opportunity."

Thankfully, Artemis was spared from answering as the waiter arrived with their food. He set down the plates and said a quick, "enjoy your meals," scampering away before either of the two men could interject, particularly the scary adult man in an expensive-looking suit.

"Father, Butler would have a heart attack if I were to live in student accommodation." Artemis reasoned and to this, his father laughed heartily.
"And so would your mother."

"Then…?"

"That's my ultimation. I want you to take an active interest in your mental health and your happiness. Not your degree, or your work. Your happiness. Take up some martial arts with Butler again, hell even start yoga. Do something that makes you happy. If I believe you are not happy, then I will pay for you to stay in student accommodation for the remainder of your university life."

"Father, my work makes me happy! I …" He couldn't find the words to argue. Essentially, Artemis was going to have to put his work aside, his world-saving project, and dally about with stupid hobbies. No, it was more likely that Artemis would have to take acting classes in order to lie better to his family. There wasn't a chance he was going to live in student accommodation. That was ludicrous. And abandon his plan? Never.

"I've made my decision, son." And everyone knew that when a Fowl had made up his mind, there was no changing it.