To Know Faithful Friend From Flattering Foe

Artemis Fowl was already wondering if he was going to regret his current actions. He was seated in a café sipping on a freshly brewed cappuccino, waiting on female company. Behind him, conspicuous even despite his best attempts to blend in, sat Butler. They were back to back, Artemis facing the front window of the café and Butler facing inside, even though they'd argued over it for at least five minutes before they got out of the car. Argued was perhaps a misleading term – Butler had said that under absolutely no circumstances would he sit with his back to Artemis and further to that, he must be facing the window. He went on to explain his reasoning, hoping to impart his bodyguarding concerns onto his young charge, to share his perception with the perceptive young adult. His tone was not one to be argued with. He gave his firmest scowl which very few people in this world had chosen to ignore. Yet here they were.

Butler flipped a page of the newspaper he was reading, using the noise to cover a sly comment. "Just one of these days I'd like to be able to do my job properly, Artemis."

"We've survived statistically 100% of our adventures to date." Artemis replied under his breath but paused when he came to a realisation. "Well, actually, with the incident with Spiro and then the whole Berserker Gate fiasco, you and I have both technically died."

"Not helping, Artemis."

"All I'm trying to say is that you've done an excellent job so far, old friend."

Butler huffed, unconvinced. "Despite your best efforts to kill us both off."

"Hush now, Dom," Artemis coughed slightly and replaced his cup to the saucer. "She's here."

Butler couldn't help but made another remark under his breath. "I never thought I'd be crashing your first date."

Artemis had to hold his tongue to correct Butler. This was not a date. This was business. And he was feeling quite guilty about it already. He was trying to see the ends as a way to justify the means. Katherina peered through the glass window of the café and spotted Artemis. She smiled, slightly, then entered. Her hair was vibrant as ever, full of life in the way that the wind tunnel of the doorway lifted it from her shoulders. She gestured to his drink quizzically.

"I'm fine, thank you," he replied, waving his hand. She nodded and then gestured once more to the counter, moving over to order her own beverage.

Artemis took the chance to mutter to Butler. "This isn't a date."

"Does she know that?"

"I never once said the word 'date' when I asked her to go for a drink with me."

"It's usually implied," Butler scoffed, then ruffled the newspaper loudly. She was returning with a drink in her hand. The glass was tall and clear so Artemis could deduce that it was a hot chocolate, the foamy marshmallows nearly toppling over the rim and chocolate sprinkles dusted on top. She sat down opposite Artemis.

"Sweet tooth?" He asked. She already had a spoonful of gloop in her mouth as she tried to save the toppings from spilling.

"Reminds me of home," she replied. "My mum always used to make me these. I don't come out for drinks often; I'm trying to save money. Living the student life."

"I'm honoured," Artemis smiled, then caught himself. He was unintentionally going into 'business' mode. And though that sounded like it would be a rather hard and calculating character to adopt, it was actually the side of himself he used to charm people. Business Artemis was socially adept, able to strike up a conversation with anyone and captivate them, lure them into a deal. Absolutely not the right character to adopt for a coffee with an ordinary university student – perhaps it would work on the spoiled children of an affluent family, but here it could be misconstrued…

He realised he was sweating a little. He was not used to meeting with ordinary folk for ordinary conversation. Further to that, there was no real goal to the conversation – his plan revolved around what was going on outside the two of them. That meant he had to babble on about pointless things until … well, until his plan began to unfold. He wasn't used to this. He didn't know Kat well enough, not like Holly. He could talk with Holly for hours. Maybe he should have asked her for advice … only for her to laugh in his face! That was a silly idea. He didn't have many of those – must be nervous. A cough from behind spurred him into action.

"Ah, you're well, I trust?" Damn, not so smooth now.

"Yeah, I'm doing fine. I've managed to complete quite a lot on the assignment so I think I will be done by the end of next week. What about you?"

"Yes, I'm doing … fine."

"You've probably already finished, haven't you?"

"I had to complete it prior to my business trip. It would be disastrous to attempt to handle both at once."

"What are you doing on your business trip?" She asked and appeared genuinely interested. This was odd, purely since both Holly and Butler would roll their eyes whenever he tried to talk about 'work'. Holly would hit him over the head and tell him to relax once in a while and Butler would bombard him with questions like, "How are we getting there?", "Which alias are we using?", "Is this legal?" … When Artemis had once tried to explain his ideas to Juliet Butler, she had left the room.

"I'm in discussions with the Mayor of London about our waste disposal. I've got a proposition for him that will help reduce our reliance on China, which is where we ship most of our garbage at the moment."

Kat's eyes widened. She almost didn't seem to believe him. "… You're meeting the Mayor of London?"

"Yes, him and a few others."

"Artemis … are you kidding me?"

Artemis was beginning to look as confused as she was. "… Yes. He read my proposal and offered me to present next week."

"That's amazing!" She gasped. "You're so young and already having an incredible impact on the world. How did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Get an audience with the Mayor? Is this a regular occurrence for you?"

"Well, no, I've only met him a couple of times before. I don't really get involved with politics and I usually focus my attentions to Ireland. However, this is a global issue."

"Incredible. You know, there's so many rumours about you that I never know what to believe."

"Don't believe any of them." Artemis' gaze darkened. He finished his drink but kept the cup in his hands for the warmth.

"They're not all bad," Kat leaned onto the table, tilting her head. Her eyes were a brilliant green. "The rumours, I mean. They're not all bad. People talk about how incredible you are. They tell spectacular stories, like that you were the first human to beat the computer chess champion Deep Blue III and that the programmers had to redesign its system afterwards. They say you rose the Fowl company out of the ashes when you were nine. They even say that you designed the lock system that's used on the Crown Jewels."

"Things like that are trivial," Artemis dismissed, searching out of the window for something to occupy his attention. It should be about time.

"I wouldn't call them trivial … Artemis," her sudden change in tone flipped his attention from outside back to those emerald green eyes. "Are you going to tell me why I'm here?"

He jumped a little in his seat. This was unexpected. She almost appeared to have dropped an act, one eyebrow raised coolly, and the bright smile had faded. It was like looking back at himself. The way he would flip a switch when he wanted, the way her expression dared him to lie to her … He shuffled his feet under the table, out of sight.

"What do you mean, Katherina?"

"Artemis Fowl doesn't invite girls out for drinks, does he?" She said, folding her arms tightly and waiting for an explanation. "I don't know you well, but I do know you to be unsociable and hard to approach. There must be a reason you called me here."

He began to wonder if all females had this inert power to jolt his subconscious and make his stomach twinge with guilt. His mother and Holly had the act down to an art now.

"Well, it was partly to apologise," Artemis began, meeting her eyes coolly and deciding to drop his own performance. She clearly could see straight through it. "And partly to use you a little."

"Use me?"

"Butler, across the road in the blue jacket. Black jeans. Hiding behind the telephone box." Behind him rose the enormous figure of Butler, playtime over. He folded the newspaper carefully, taking a quick glance at Katherina as he passed. He didn't mean to glare, but it was in his nature to intimidate people around Artemis. Just in case. She flinched under his eyes and looked at Artemis in shock.

"What's going on?"

"That's my manservant, Butler. Butler is his name, not his occupation, though I can see the confusion. He's about to apprehend an individual that has been following the both of us for the last few weeks. Namely me, but after a short investigation, it appears he has been frequenting your house as well."

"My house?!"

"Yes. He's a journalist looking for gossip articles about me."

"Like the one the other day?"

"Exactly. I apologise for getting you caught up in all of this." Artemis decided to order another drink – this was probably going to need a bit further explaining. Meanwhile, Katherina span in her seat to watch as Butler plucked the man up in his spade-like hands and dragged him back towards the café. Her mouth dropped open. "Would you like another drink, Miss Palmer?"

She turned back, slowly. "I think I need something stronger than caffeine."

A minute or so later, Butler plonked the shivering man down into a seat at their table, pulling up his own chair so that the table for two became a bit less romantic. Artemis sipped his fresh coffee calmly. Their new guest had a huge mess of frizzy dark hair and the stubble of an unshaven face. He was in his twenties and appeared rather naïve to his new situation. He glanced nervously around the table, meeting the eyes of several unfriendly folk. Artemis barely looked in his direction but when he did, his blue eyes were piercing, appearing to look straight through his skin and bone. Butler held a firm watch on him, threatening even when expressionless. His pure bulk was enough to stun the man into silence. The third person at the table offered a little more comfort but not much. She looked as confused as he felt, but the sharpness in her stare hit a nerve. She wasn't happy.

When no one spoke, the man felt he was inclined to speak. "C-can I help you?"

"Firstly, you can show me the images you have on that camera." The young male said, the steam of his coffee curling around his features.

"W-what camera?" He knew immediately that he shouldn't have played innocent. Butler coughed, lightly.

"The one in your bag. You've been following us for weeks, haven't you? Taking photos?"

"I-i-is that illegal?"

"Hmm, now is it?" Artemis spared a slight grin that sent a shiver down the journalist's spine. "The law is certainly vague around photography in a public place, but the law around harassment is very clear. And using a telescopic lens to photograph private property … At the very least, you'd receive a steep fine for the photography. Possibly more if I used my lawyers to push on a harassment case."

"It's not harassment!" The journalist was sweating now. "It's journalism!"

"Again, a fine line." He refrained from pushing further. The man was clearly distressed and there was such a thing as an optimal distress level for interrogations. If he pushed too hard, the man might clam up. "However, though I have extensive evidence on our CCTV of you hovering around Fowl Manor and Katherina, and despite the evidence I could gather on your stalking … I am willing to break a deal instead."

"… What deal?"

"That's a good start," Artemis became more and more vampire-like by the second. His grin was showing the sliver of a white tooth now. He suddenly noticed a presence opposite him and flicked his attention to Katherina. Her brow was furrowed. She certainly wasn't impressed. He hadn't expected her to be, of course. Though, he wasn't used to have a witness to his behaviour. There it was… that twinge. He was doing this to help her, to get the journalists off her back … why did she look so upset?

"I won't release this evidence if you cease to follow us. And I do not want you to pass on to your employers that you have stopped following me. I want you to continue to report, but state that I have done nothing of note. You will also delete the photographs you have."

"I don't want to lose my job." The man looked fearful, wringing his hands nervously.

"That's why I am offering you this life-line. If I get my lawyers onto the case, you will certainly experience more in your life than a loss of employment."

He considered it. He didn't think for very long. He hadn't been left many options. "… I will delete the photos."

Butler took this moment to step in. "You best make a start then," he growled, lowly. "Right now." The journalist didn't need to be told twice. Reluctantly, he unzipped his bag and pulled out a professional Olympus camera. He began to flick through the photos, the tinny beep of the menu breaking through the speakers.

"And just to reiterate the point, I do not want your employers finding out that I know. And if, for some crazy reason, you decide to disobey me and I see another slanderous article …"

"I can't stop others from writing the articles!" The man stopped deleting to announce desperately. He was so flustered, he found himself shouting. Artemis' cool stare soon forced him to continue deleting the photos in silence.

"Trust me, I will know if you have betrayed me."

"Artemis," Katherina finally spoke. "That's enough." She was gritting her teeth a little. "There's no need for you to terrify the man like this. It's not right."

Artemis was more than a little baffled. "You are aware he's the one harassing you, right?"

"Don't worry, I've been listening to your performance." She scorned. Her attention turned to the man and suddenly he felt three, not two, hostile presences at the table. He swallowed. "An apology will suffice for me. I haven't heard you say it yet." Artemis couldn't stop himself from snorting and rolled his eyes. The man seemed a little sheepish, chewing on his lip. Eventually, he turned his body to face her and lowered his head a little.

"I'm sorry for scaring you. And for harassing you. I didn't mean for it to go this far. I thought I was doing my job."

"Apology accepted." She nodded. "Now, I'm leaving. I don't want to watch you interrogate this man anymore. You've made my drink taste off." She stood and began to put on her coat.

"W-wait!" Artemis found himself getting to his feet to go after her. "I'll drive you back." It would equally leave a bad taste in his mouth if she walked away like this. Afterall, this was supposed to be for her safety. It was supposed to make amends for getting her wrapped up in his business.

"I can catch the bus," she said, turning to go. "But thank you for the offer."

"No, Kat," Artemis darted around the table and touched her arm lightly. "Honestly, I want to drive you back. I have enough to apologise for. In fact, I've just realised that I haven't even apologised to you yet … for inviting you here to lure this man in. I realise it was rude of me …" Artemis' mind whirred, his eyes bounced around the café. He couldn't let her leave like this. This wasn't how he had planned. He hadn't meant to upset her. "Butler, I'll meet you back at the manor. Please see to it this man keeps true to his promise."

"Art-," Butler spluttered but he was cut off.

"Please let me make amends properly." Artemis reached the door before her, opening it and turning back to meet her eyes. She looked sceptic.

"Fine!" She sighed, exasperated. "It'll save on bus fares!"

"Excellent," Artemis found himself smiling.

"Maybe next time we can go for a drink without there being an ulterior motive!" Katherina marched past. Artemis paused briefly at her words.

Had he … just made another friend?