Destined to Die

"Shouldn't we wait for Lawrien?" Epona asked.

"She already knows all this," Ciara said, leaning against Arl Eamon's desk. Alistair stood at her side, throwing her anxious looks. Torph didn't like any of this, but whatever it was he supposed they needed to deal with it one way or another.

"What's with the grim looks?" Torph raised a brow.

"I assume you have all noticed that there have been changes to yourselves after the Joining?" Ciara asked.

"Yeah, starving all the damn time," Torph grunted.

"I hear the Archdemon," Epona reminded them.

Torph shivered at the thought.

"Has it been saying anything recently?" Ciara asked.

Epona's brow furrowed. "Yes, but it was strange, it was when I wasn't myself, back when I became the Ranger Commander of the Emerald Knights."

"That still sounds weird as fuck to me," Torph said.

"It is still to me as well," Epona admitted. "It said to go after the anvil? The Archdemon called it the 'weapon of the dwarves'. That the smith must die."

Narascha twitched "Anvil?"

"Mean something to ya?" Torph raised a brow.

Narascha grimaced. "Branka, our last debatable living Paragon took her entire house, except for her husband, to search for it. Paragon Caradin used the Anvil of the Void to create golems like Shale, and the secrets to creating them were lost when the Anvil was. Paragon Branka went in search of it, but she hasn't been heard from in years."

"That's not a good sign," Faren mused. "But if the Archdemon said that the 'smith' must die-"

"You're right." Narascha nodded. "She is a smith. Perhaps she has located it and is getting close?"

Torph grinned. "Sounds like our dragon is pissing itself then if it wants her dead!"

"A shame we cannot help her then," Epona said.

"Afraid not, but perhaps she could do some damage to the darkspawn wherever she went," Ciara said.

"You were saying about the changes to us, Ciara?" Narascha asked.

"Yes." Ciara nodded, her face falling. "I wish I did not have to tell you all this, but despite how we all survived the Joining the darkspawn taint is still killing us-"

"Seriously, what the fuck-" Torph began.

"Ah shit!" Faren cursed.

"So the Joining does not completely stop the taints poisonous nature to us then," Cobian mused.

"Don't look fascinated, Cobian!" Torph cried.

"How long do we all have?" Epona asked softly.

Everyone went silent at that. Alistair hung his head and sighed.

"It usually takes a person about thirty years to hear the Calling," he said.

"The Calling?" Cobian tilted his head. He actually had his notebook out. Torph couldn't fucking believe it.

"It's the beginning of the end for a Grey Warden," Ciara said. "It starts with nightmares and bad omens. We will then begin to hear eerie music and whispers as the darkspawn themselves do. That is when we know that the taint has caught up to us. The age range can vary depending on a person's willpower and our level of interaction with the darkspawn-"

"And we're in the middle of a fucking Blight." Torph paled.

Cobian grimaced. "Our lifespan will already be considerably shorter than the average Grey Warden then."

"Perhaps, as I said it also depends on your willpower," Ciara said.

"Still crappy fucking news to hear," Torph grunted. "Anything else?"

"A Grey Wardens fertility is also affected," Alistair mumbled.

"So we might not be able to have families?" Faren asked hesitantly.

Cobian flinched.

"That's annoying, but I suppose it makes sense," Narascha said. "My people have been getting poisoned by the taint for years after all, even when we're not in direct contact with it."

But the way she said it so calmly startled them all. They all stared at her with wide eyes.

"You ain't just a little bit more concerned, Nara?" Torph frowned.

"As far as I see it we were all already on borrowed time. I would have died in the Deep Roads had I not joined the Grey Wardens. You would have been executed if you hadn't either," Narascha said, eyeing Torph. "Epona would have died due to the darkspawn taint and without us there at Highever Cobian might never have made it out, and Faren would have been imprisoned by the guardsmen and perhaps executed in his cell before his uncle could save him." Narascha threw them a sad smile. "It a horrible thing to hear, and I assume Duncan would have sat us all down and told us all properly if we hadn't been fighting at Ostagar, but sadly he didn't get the chance. However we're the lucky ones. We were all given a longer chance at life."

She nodded at Alistair and Ciara. "This couldn't have been the easiest piece of news to break to us, so thanks for doing it now rather than later."

Alistair and Ciara threw each other a baffled look. Torph's brain was rattled. Like what the fuck? How could Narascha take in all that stuff so easily? They were going to die a lot younger than expected and maybe couldn't even have families of their own. How was any of that expected? Justified, yeah, since ending the Blights and killing the Archdemons were always a good thing, but still.

Faren groaned, running his hands through his hair. "How do you take all that in so easily, Narascha?"

"There's no point in freaking out over business that's already happened. We just have to deal with the consequences later," Narascha said. "Like what is going to happen to Jowan after all this."

Ciara grimaced.

Narascha stared up at her. "He's yours and Lawrien's brother, perhaps not by blood, but nevertheless, this is going to be difficult for you both. If you want us to break him out-"

"He's a blood mage and a reckless one at that," Ciara said sharply. "He poisoned Arl Eamon instead of just running away. Sure, there might have been a spy watching over the castle, if what Torph said was correct, but Jowan would have had an easier time getting away from him than the entire castle guard. So no, I don't think he can be trusted on his own."

"So he's just gonna get executed then?" Torph scowled. "You can't be happy about that."

"Of course not, but what else can I do?" Ciara frowned.

"Conscript him?" Faren offered.

"I love my brother, but he's a weakling," Ciara said. "He'd never survive the Joining, even if any of us knew how to do it."

"Ouch," Torph chuckled. "And okay, yeah, he's a bit of a pushover. Guess he wouldn't have a chance at surviving it."

"The problem would be Lawrien in that case," Narascha said.

"She would never let one of her own be executed," Cobian agreed.

Ciara grimaced. "Yeah, it would be something we'd need to sit down and discuss."

"Nah, I've already sorted it out."

Everyone jumped, even Torph did, and he stared wide eyed as Lawrien walked in, smelling oddly like burnt metal? Her hair was a mess, and her clothes askew, but she looked happy.

"You're awake?" Alistair gasped. "Then Connor-"

"Should be back to normal now," Lawrien said. "He was asleep when I checked on him."

Ciara eyed her suspiciously. "Lawrien, what do you mean by 'I sorted it out'?"

"I broke Jowan out." Lawrien grinned. "He didn't want to leave, some stuff about paying for his crimes, but I kicked his ass and dumped him on the road with some supplies."

"What the fuck?" Torph groaned.

Narascha laughed. "We're in so much trouble."

"I'll take the full blame," Lawrien said, sitting down, reaching for some water and an apple from the table where a large fruit bowl sat. "So from what I feel from you all, I take it Alistair and Ciara have told you some stuff?"

"We're gonna die a lot earlier than we thought," Faren offered. "And can't have kids."

"Not 'can't," Ciara said carefully. "Just difficult." She eyed Lawrien. "And you don't seem to understand how serious this is. Jowan is a blood mage. A foolish one at that. He's not like Anders, who yes, tends to do stupid things, but nothing too crazy."

Lawrien munched on the apple, chewing slowly as the sisters stared each other down. It made Torph squirm, and he could see Faren eyeing the pair nervously. They looked like they were about to fight. Lawrien swallowed, the gulp loud, making them all tense up. All except Ciara who stared unwaveringly.

"We both know I can't watch Jowan be turned into a tranquil," Lawrien finally said, her eyes growing hard, fire flickering off her shoulders. "And if the villagers get him, or Arl Eamon decides to burn him alive, I would have to kill everyone in this village to protect my brother."

Torph shivered at the thought.

Alistair blanched. "Hold on, Lawrien-"

"You're as selfish as ever," Ciara scolded.

Lawrien grinned sharply. "Of course."

"If Jowan does anything stupid again out there-" Ciara began.

"Then it will be on me and him." Lawrien shrugged, the fire flickering out as she put her feet up on the desk. "I knew all that when I broke him out. I still did it anyway."

"Dammit, Lawren," Ciara cursed.

"You're a better person than me, Ciara, in the matters of people outside of your loved ones, you will pick the group over the single person," Lawrien admitted. "But I'm not. I would burn everything down if it came between me and those I cared about. You know that."

Ciara sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Sadly I do."

"Yeah that is terrifying," Alistair sighed.

"Also, I do have a question on your companion choice," Ciara admitted, raising a brow. "The Antivan assassin?"

Lawrien grinned. "He's great, isn't he?"

"Except at picking locks," Faren muttered.

Torph snorted. "Yeah, poor fucker's terrible at it."

"We also need to discuss what our next plan is," Ciara said.

"Already left the Zevran topic?" Alistair sighed.

"It's Lawrien. If she thinks he's great..." Ciara trailed off, shrugging helplessly.

Alistair tilted his head, then nodded. "Fair point."

"Thank you." Ciara chuckled. "Anyway, we have a lot left to do. We've managed to get the Dalish treaty sorted, but sadly we failed at getting Arl Eamon's help here."

"Not your fault the little Lord was a mage who made a deal with a demon after his father was poisoned," Faren pointed out.

"That is true, but still frustrating timing." Ciara grimaced. "Lady Isolde sent all the Redcliffe knights are the Urn of Sacred Ashes, an artefact that is being sought out by Brother Genitivi, a very famous scholar. It's supposed to heal anything, but if we go after that there is no guarantee of success. Meanwhile we have the Circle treaty to go after, and Orzammar's. Cobian, any thoughts?"

Torph had to admit, it was funny how they all kept turning to Cobian for ideas. He was really smart. It was insane how smart he was.

"Redcliffe doesn't have much in the way of supplies after all the fighting, but if I heard correctly the Circle does have a tavern close by that we could restock up," Cobian said. "I believe we should go there, but split up afterwards. One group goes and pays Brother Genitivi a visit in Denerim while the other handles the Circle treaty. Afterwards we can meet back up in Redcliffe and handle Orzammar together."

Lawrien grinned. "Sounds good."

"I'll need to stay outside of Orzammar though," Narascha reminded them. "I'd cause too much of a problem."

"We could just kick your brother's ass-" Lawrien began.

"You are not kicking a Prince's ass, no matter how much he deserves it!" Ciara scolded.

"No fun!" Lawrien huffed. "He hurt Narascha. He deserves at least my boot up his ass!"

"We are not causing a diplomatic problem with one of our biggest allies," Ciara insisted.

"She's right, please don't get us all killed by angry dwarves," Alistair pleaded.

"Speaking of dwarves," Narascha mused, an amused twinkle in her eyes. "Torph, you've been going through all the drawers."

Torph blinked, startled, even as Faren grinned weakly. That was weird, he hadn't even noticed he had been doing it. Guess he was a bit too stressed out with all the impending death stuff. Torph laid the necklace back down in the draw, it was probably something sentimental considering how broken it was, but he noticed Ciara's gaze on it, how focused she was. Huh, weird.

"Not just me doing it without knowing, huh?" Faren teased.

Torph shrugged. "Guess not."

"I suppose we're all a bit stressed out from the news we received," Epona mused. "But Narascha is also right, we would all be dead already if it hadn't been for Duncan bringing us into the Grey Wardens."

"Let's go get some sleep," Ciara suggested. "We can plan out the rest tomorrow when our heads are a bit more clear."

"And Jowan?" Alistair frowned.

Ciara shrugged. "Nothing to do with us anymore. Who knows when exactly Lawrien chased him off and which way he went? If I thought she would tell me I'd ask, but it's Lawrien..." They all stared at Lawrien who grinned unashamed.

"I see your point..." Alistair sighed.

"Are you sure he won't get into anymore trouble, Lawrien?" Epona frowned.

Lawrien shrugged. "Dunno."

"Don't be so irresponsible then!" Epona scolded. "He could just cause more trouble for us down the line and we don't have time to keep cleaning up his messes."

"And if he does I'll kick his ass again," Lawrien insisted. "And burn all his hair off as punishment!"

Ciara shook her head. "I'm going back to bed."

"Mind if I walk with you for a bit?" Alistair asked, following after her.

"That would be nice, thank you," Ciara said.

They pair disappeared out the door. Torph rolled his eyes. They should just hurry up and kiss already.

"I'm going to jog for a bit to clear my head," Faren said, heading for the door. "I need some air anyway after all that."

"I'm going to study Ferelden's map," Narascha said, examining Arl Eamon's book shelf. "I'm still not entire clear of the layout of your country."

"I'm going to bed." Torph stretched out his arms as he too headed for the door. "Night."

.::.

Epona waited until most of the room was cleared out. It was just Narascha, who had taken over some chair in the corner of the room, curling up in it with a map sprawled over her lap, and Lawrien who finished off her apple and set the core on fire, watching it slowly turn to ash.

"Are you sure about all this, Lawrien?" Epona frowned.

Lawrien shrugged. "I don't know where life will take Jowan, but I can't let Redcliffe's villagers kill him, and I can't take him back to the Circle and let him be made tranquil."

"That is when they cut off a mage's connection to the Fade, correct?" Epona asked uneasily. She couldn't imagine that.

"Yeah, and with it our emotions," Lawrien said coldly.

Epona shivered. No, that wasn't right. That was horrible. Her Keepers, her Firsts, Lawrien, Morrigan-

Epona shook her head. "I can't imagine that... I don't think I'd want to either..."

"It's horrible..." Lawrien curled up, sitting her head on her knees. "They feel so empty to me, when they should be full of life, with hopes and dreams of their own. But they don't feel anything anymore. They can't, and people then take advantage of them because of it." Lawrien's gaze darkened. "It's disgusting, and I refuse to let them do that to Jowan. Ciara feels the same way, but she was willing to hurt herself in order to stop Jowan."

Epona grimaced. "She would have taken on the burden of executing Jowan herself."

Lawrien nodded. "And it would have broken her heart." Lawrien's fists clenched. "I won't let her do that to herself."

"You are protective over those you care for." Epona couldn't help but smile at the thought. "It is a trait I admire about you, even if it makes you quite reckless."

Lawrien laughed. "Just like you, Epona. You were going to be the protector of your clan after all. I like people like that. Those who want to protect what they love instead of just letting it go and give up."

"As I said, it is a quality I admire in you as well, Lawrien." Epona smiled. "One of the only ones we happen to share."

Lawrien stared at her, much to Epona's curiosity. What was she staring at exactly?

"I still can't believe how red your hair is." Lawrien grinned. "It's so bright!"

"That's what has you so confused?" Epona rolled her eyes.

"Yeah! Leliana's is more like orange, which is really nice, but you've got bright red hair and it's really pretty too." Lawrien tilted her head. "Kind of reminds me of blood a little bit."

Epona raised a brow at the thought. "Thanks?"

"Or a ruby!"

"I suppose your hair would be like sunshine then," Epona mused. "It is a bright yellow."

.::.

Narascha stared at the pair blankly. Was Lawrien trying to flirt or was she just being herself? And Narascha had no idea if Epona was joining in on whatever this was. Why were they talking about hair? Weren't they talking about Jowan and Ciara just a moment ago?

Urgh, nope, she wasn't going to try think too deeply about this. That sounded like a bad idea. Trying to follow Lawrien's line of thought wasn't easy to do in the first place.