Dawn
Chapter 11
Remember
*In Memory of James Earl Jones*
"The kings of the past will always be there to guide you. And so will I."
Despite the pain coursing through her joints and every inch of her body screaming she summoned her strength from the earth and carried a grown man in her arms all the way to her castle. Rumple was way too light for a middle aged man. He couldn't have weighed more than her. That stubborn bastard…why didn't he just come to her for help?! Well it didn't matter now. He was staying with her now, whether he liked it or not. It was a miracle those soldiers hadn't beaten him to death. She had made it just in time and she couldn't even bring herself to think of what would have happened if she had gone home for the night. If she hadn't have caught his fear scent and followed him…
"Home from stalking the human, your majesty?" Shenzi snickered. The hyena could always see right through her and her cheeks warmed in blue and red behind her golden skin. "I was not stalking him." She growled defensively, swishing her tail defiantly as she panted with exhaustion after she laid Rumple down in a feather soft bed in the east wing. Figment, the little purple and gold dragon who worked in her castle lighting fires when she needed them puffed into the fireplace creating a roaring fire for older man. "In Shenzi's defense it is kinda all over the kingdom, your majesty. Every creature's talking about how you saved that poor little guy and his hatchling from his bullies. Is it true that you like him and view him as a family member?" She growled defensively again as she tucked the blankets around the spinners sleeping form. Her face felt hot. That was probably one of the occasional fevers that she obtained from her cancer pain. Yes, that was it. But she said nothing, having no retort. Shenzi laughed. "You wanna crawl into bed with him right now dontcha?" "NO!" She bared her teeth and hissed quietly.
With that she swept out of the room and went into the conservatory of the castle. She hobbled there after giving her chef Remy the rat orders to make traditional Scottish meat pies, her favorite food. The rat had taken over the kitchens when Mrs Potts had fallen silent and still forever the previous year. Those enchanted objects had gone stiff the more the petals of her enchanted rose wilted. It's purpose was to keep track of her sanity. With each petal falling she could feel herself slipping mentally. Though she wouldn't admit this to a single soul she sometimes lost her bearings, and even became hopelessly lost even with her ability to use scent, echolocation and the mapping of the planetary poles. She often laughed at nothing, cried at nothing. The flashbacks and nightmares were a multiple daily occurrence. She sometimes sat by her spinning wheel for hours on end just losing herself until she had piles of gold surrounding her that she could never spend, hungry because she had neglected to eat and sitting in a soaked diaper that she had forgotten to change. Rumple had become her only focus through her dimming senses.
After making sure the spinner was safe in bed and so was the boy Goldenstar once again went out into the plains of Kilimanjaro. Walking through the Pridelands had always helped her think more clearly. The night had grown even warmer, unseasonably warm for the fall even for the environment that she had created. The cat demon paced back and forth, carving a path in the soft red earth with her crutches. Though in an open plain she felt like a beast in a cage. Yes Rumple would be safe here, and so would the boy but for how long? She trusted him with her life, which was more than she could say for anyone else but holding his frail body had reminded her of one sobering fact. He was mortal. And she was not. Even if she fattened him up and brought the color back into his cheeks there would come a time when he'd die of old age no matter how many times she healed him, and she was not going to be able to rejoin him. She did see him as a father figure despite her instinct making her behave like an alpha male in front of him, and once he passed she was going to be alone again. Forever. Then there was the boy. She could keep him safe from the soldiers only for a few days. She was the queen of the animal kingdom and could only claim he was a prisoner of war for so long before human laws would allow Simba…Bae….to be taken from them. All of these harsh realities as dark as they were began to show a shadowy path, another way…the only way…to finally get hers and their happy endings.
For so long she had been waiting for a dark one to choose her, but perhaps she needed a different perspective. What if she chose them instead? Like divine inspiration a strangely cunning and mischievous and nearly Lokean plan began to form in her mind. It felt wrong. But it also felt right. She was caught between the man she loved and protected and the dark one who was supposed to be her parent. The idea that had been brewing within her head was now flowing into her heart, the spreading determination coursing through her body. The only thing that stopped her now were the doubts that swarmed her. If she did this she would be turning her back on the darkness, it would be like betraying the pride. She felt like a traitor to her clan. It wasn't just that. If she went with this plan she was going to have to tell the spinner everything, including what she was, and her horrible past. Could she ever bring herself to trust anyone that much? And what if he too decided that she wasn't worth it? It would break her completely if he turned away from her too.
But then again the dark ones had never been faithful to her either. After Nimue the ones who should have taken care of her and loved her never even bothered to seek her out. Part of the deal of getting their near unlimited power was that they were supposed to adopt her. They were even supposed to come home to her to complete their training(perhaps that was the reason their power wasn't as strong and why they always became enthralled). Zoso had been the only one to even speak to her since Durza, only to insult her and bark at her to stay away from him. If she went through with this plan she was going to be betraying them, but they had done the same to her. The hurt came from the deep realization that Zoso in her mind was right. They hadn't come home because they didn't want her, because of her disability, the damage done to not just her body but her mind. At the end of the day what held true in her first life also held true in her second life. She was an ugly little creature, a pathetic beast who needed to be put out of her misery. Looking towards the sky, tears forming within them as she looked towards the kings and queens of the past, she let out a frustrated caterwaul into the night. "Ye said you'd always be there for me!" She screamed in frustration. Tears spilled down her cheeks and she choked out in a sob. "But you're not. And it's my fault. It's because of me…I…it's my fault…." She sniffled and pawed at her eyes.
She flopped down into the grass for a moment as her legs shook and gave out from underneath her. She took a moment to just soak in the energy of the warm earth, closing her eyes and ignoring the red glow in the sky that blocked out the ancestors. She listened to the living things all around her, taking a momentary temporary comfort from Mother Earth, the pulsing heartbeat of the sounds of all the creatures that surrounded her. A strange chanting voice of an old peddler suddenly could be heard among the trumpeting of elephants and swooping wings of dragons overhead. She sat up alert. Zosos scent surrounded her once again but as she bolted to her feet she saw only an old man, a human beggar that she had seen on the trail on the way home. How did he even get past the protective barrier. The poor old man probably slipped in behind her when she carried Rumple past the Maharaja jungle that served as the kingdom border on the eastern side. She sighed as he babbled nonsense to himself and sung a song of his own invention. The poor old man was probably hungry and smelled like her given "father" because the dark one attacked his village. Her threshold for patience and her energy level had never been lower but if it was Zoso's doing she might as well make it right. Sighing she let out another signature old lady huff of pain before she hobbled up to him. The teenage imp placed a basket full of food at the base of the tree he had camped under.
The old man was obviously just as mad as she was. He was mumbling that same ridiculous tune of Pridelands tongue that he must have heard from the animals. "Asante sana, squash banana.." he giggled to himself as Goldenstar huffed. "Here friend. You're not really allowed here but take this for your supper, dearie. You're welcome to stay as long as ya need as long as ya don't harm the animals just…I need to be alone." She admitted with a sigh and a grumble. She didn't mean to come off that way but after the day and the life she had her frustrations were running high. She began to hobble towards nowhere in particular, not ready to go back into the castle just yet as she wrestled between what her heart wanted and what she feared if she went on its impulse. But no matter where she went the old man followed her, singing that same ridiculous tune. "Asante sana, squash banana…"
She growled in frustration and swished her tail, the imp wheeling around in her crutches. "Would ya quit following me around?! Creepy old codger…oi stop it already will ya?! What does that even mean?" The older man gave her a nearly toothless grin and laughed. "It means you are a baboon…and I am not." He laughed to himself and Goldenstar rolled her eyes. Was she this bad during one of her episodes?! Gods she hoped not. "I think yer a wee bit confused.." she muttered and the old man waved his walking stick for emphasis, the staff holding a gourd for drinking on the end. "I am not the one who's confused! You don't even know who you are!" Her eyes widened and for once she had no witty answer to offer back. She sighed in defeat and huffed, face palming as she ran her claws through her auburn hair. "To be honest I'm not so sure." The old man smiled but she wasn't sure she could smile back. He put his arm around her and whispered into her ear. "Come I'll tell you, it's a secret." He then burst out laughing when he repeated that same stupid song. "Ughhhh!" She growled, taking great restraint as she began to hobble away from him as quickly as she could to keep herself from biting or using her magick on him. He called to her from behind. "Wait, I've got it! You're Nimue's girl!"
Her eyes widened and she spun around on her boots, her golden skin shining in the red moonlight as she stared at him in disbelief. "Bye!" He waved to her and began to walk away quickly. She ran after him the best she could, trying not to stumble on her awkward feet. How could he possibly know?! No one had kept a record of the original dark one's name. Perhaps there was more to the old man than met the eye. Maybe he was a changeling, perhaps an older wizard that somehow gained immortality, or a magical creature in disguise. No matter what, she was determined to find out. When she reached him, he was sitting cross legged on a rock as if in deep meditation. "Ya knew my mother?" Her translated voice was much softer now as she meowed softly now as well. "Correction. I know your mother." He said this as if the queen of darkness still lived. She bit her lip. The centuries must have been way too much for him too. "I'm sorry to tell ya this but she…she's dead. She died a long time ago." Goldenstar sighed and wiped at her eyes. There was an amused twinkle in the old man's eyes. "No she isn't! She's still alive!" He leapt to his feet with surprising energy. "Come! Old Rafiki will show you the way!" He began to run towards the thicket of acacia trees. "Come along, hurry!"
Goldenstar's heart beat wildly as she summoned enough of her energy to take the form of a cat with long golden fur, an animal that was small enough to fit through the thicket of mangroves that grew close to the watering hole. She ducked and leapt, her eyes focused on the light ahead as she wildly thrashed through the branches. She was focused as if she was chasing prey through the Savannah with the sisters of her pride. And though it just wasn't possible there was a glimmer of hope that Nimue was somehow still alive. Once out of the bushes she just kept running, this time transforming into her regular form of an imp to conserve her energy. A wizened old palm suddenly appeared in front of her just inches from her golden skinned nose. "Stop!" She skidded to a halt, chest heaving from the effort.
He pointed his walking stick towards the watering hole, the she imp slowly approaching with a lump in her throat. She was expecting to see her long lost parents face but instead saw her own reflection. It was just her own scarred face staring back into hers. She huffed and shook her head. "That's not my mother." She chirped bitterly. "It's just my reflection." The beggar placed his finger in the water and it magically rippled, her own reflection being replaced by Nimue's face staring back into her own, the dignified female queen of the dark ones looking to her from the water and through her own reflection. The beggar rested his hand on the light one's haunches, pointing towards the water. "Look harder." Looking into the reflection, it was a different female imp looking back into her eyes, one older and and wearing the familiar black cloak, whose intense yet warm eyes looked back into hers. "Don't you see?" The old beggars voice whispered into the air. "She lives in /you/."
Goldenstar's eyes widened as the words began to spread a familiar warmth across her body, she stood there just breathing in and out for a moment before she heard thunder in the distance. That couldn't be. The rains weren't scheduled to come to this part of the Pridelands until spring. The thunder however continued to boom in the distance. Wind began to fan her auburn tawny hair and her tail. The thunder began to strangely sound like human speech, deep and echoing but as clear as a lion's roar. The voice wasn't clear at first, but soon the deep voice began to resemble a female speaker she knew very well.
"Elizabeth.."
That name hadn't been used in thousands of years, but as much as she tried to forget it, she knew only one person had ever called it other than Loki during visitation and her abusive family so long ago. "..mother?" She mewed, her translation hushed and unsure. She dared to look up at the sky. Storm clouds were in fact beginning to gather, but instead of covering Silverpelt, the kings of the past seemed to part and make way, framing the clouds. The blue of the night sky melded with the red glow of the war raging outside of her kingdom to illuminate lines and features in the cloud itself. The clouds began to shift, and began to form a shape. They took the form of a lioness, but deep down Goldenstar knew who it was. Seeing Nimue in any form brought tears to her amber eyes, and as she faced the visage of her adoptive mother in the sky, tears began to well in her catlike amber eyes. Her ears fell flat and her tail tucked under her body. "Mother.." she began to silently weep, the thousands of years of loneliness and the trauma she never faced sweeping over her like cold winter sleet.
"You have forgotten me, my daughter." The lioness spoke, her glowing eyes looking down upon the young queen. Horror spread through her, and she chirruped and shook her head, beginning to shake so violently that her crutches clattered beneath her.
"No!" She yowled in protest her translator's Scottish accent gaining an even higher pitch, but grief filling every feline squeal of fright. "H..how could I!?" Guilt began to rise within her, for as much as she could deny it she had spent every day of her millennia of life trying to keep busy, trying to forget her past. Just like before Nimue had come to see her that night she was once again waiting for someone to rescue her, without doing anything about her situation. "You have forgotten who you are, and so you have forgotten me. Look inside yourself Elizabeth. You are more than what you have become."
That plan that she had been forming and pushing into the back of her mind returned once again, just as a plan of escape from her parents no matter how many times she had denied it had kept coming back. She shook her head as if to shake the location of the dagger out of her mind, but could not. "I can't do this…" tears streamed down her sparkling face, even her translated voice heavy from the weight of trauma. "I'm not who I used to be." The clouds began to glow. Her mothers lioness form began to glow like a guiding light. "Remember who you are. You are my daughter, blood or not, and the only one who can unite light and dark. You must choose the next dark one, as I had once chosen you. It is time for you and the spinner to take your places in the circle of life."
Tears filled her eyes and just as she was in her mortal life, she was speechless. She stood open mouthed, her eyes gazing up at the one person who gave her a chance. The weight of the task that was upon her began to push her down. In shock, she fell to her knees. With despair, she noticed that the clouds were starting to recede. She began to panic, the memories of being abandoned over and over again crashing down upon her. Not able to help it, she changed her form, and as a lioness she charged towards the horizon, tears still streaking down her tawny fur. "MOTHER!" She roared desperately as her paws pounded the grassland, faster than any prey.
"Remember…"
"Don't leave me!" She roared again but this time her translator whimpered, crying like a little girl desperately crying out for her mother, a babe left to fend for herself. The clouds kept receding and the stars morphed back into the sky as the last waves of thunder faded with the clouds that rolled back to return the lady in black to starclan.
"Remember…"
"Don't leave me…" she whimpered as her ribs heaved with exhaustion and she flopped towards the ground. She slowly transformed into her usual form of an imp. After all, she had carried the man the way back to her castle that same night. She was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. But she knew Nimue was right. She had rested for two thousand years and more, cowering in her lonely tower, spending days wandering aimlessly through the jungle and the Savannah and the highland loch, either ignoring her situation completely or waiting for a dark one to save her. She remembered who she was. She was the girl who despite the danger, saved her friends and had at least tried to save herself. Now the stakes were the same. Only this time it would be different. This time she could save her friends and get what she had always wanted and needed. She was lost in her thighs when she smelled and heard the old beggar behind her, patting her shoulder.
"Strange weather we're having, hmm?" He chuckled.
Goldenstar smirked to herself. Now she knew why he smelled so familiar and felt as if she had known him. He was asking her to free him too.
"It seems the winds are changing, dearie." She sighed, still looking up at the sky.
"Ah. Change is good." Zoso commented with a knowing smile.
"Yes yes yes." The imp repeated, getting in her crutches again and dusting herself off. "But it's not easy. I know what I have to do." She sighed and mewled, her ears flattening. "But that would mean facing my past. I've been running from it for so long."
Before she could say anything else, she felt the beggars walking stick rap her lightly on the head. Her instinct took over and the imp spun around on her high heeled boots and hissed, swatting at the air with her clawed hands and snapping her jaws. "Bloody hell!! What was that for!?" She caterwauled, but the translator sounded more like a whining child. It really didn't hurt, but ever since her abuse she had always been sensitive.
The beggar gave an insane crazed laugh that could rival a hyena's…or hers.
"It doesn't matter!" Zoso, the dark one in disguise laughing. "It's in the past!"
She pouted, licking the palm of her gloved hand and rubbing it over her head. "Yeah but it still hurts." She whined like a kit.
He put his arm around her, giving what would have been his adopted daughter a hug into his side. She relished it, leaning into him and whimpering. He kissed the side of her head.
"Oh I know young one. The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or.." he swung the walking stick again and at which point she dodged. "Learn from it! Hah! See!"
She had dodged it completely, and he crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at her. "So what are you going to do?"
A new sense of determination filled her. She certainly wasn't going to wait another two thousand years for another hug. Now that she had felt her mothers love, and even a fraction of Zoso's, she was more determined. No more hiding. No more waiting for someone else to decide her destiny. And she wasn't going to let her friends…her family…down. She wasn't going to let that boy go to war, and it was time for the spinner to learn the truth. The wheel was turning, and this time it was her hands guiding the thread. "Well first." The imp smirked, grabbing his walking stick knowing damn well the beggar in disguise didn't even need it. She snatched it with her teeth and threw it to the lion cubs to play with when they woke up. Zoso gasped but his eyes lit up with amusement. She changed form one more time for the evening, wanting to get back to the castle as soon as possible. After the cloud of green smoke cleared, she had turned into a sleek spotted cheetah, glittering golden sparkles in her fur. "Where are you going!?" The dark one cried out after her. "I'm going back inside!" She yowled. "I've got a deal to make, dearie!" "Hurry up!" The beggar cried out, grabbing the discarded stick and lifting in the air in triumph, whooping in cheer after her as the light one galloped back towards the castle to meet her destiny.