"I fucked up. It's my fault. I don't know how to tell her." She broke the silence with a cracking voice. Her throat was sore, but she needed to get this off her chest.
"I'm here if you want to talk about it. What had happened?" He continued patting her back since she appeared to find it comforting.
"Do you know why para-RAID is used solely to transmit the sound to a limited amount of people?" Annette started to feel a bit numb, exhausted by the reality.
"It was an overload for the brain, and people couldn't handle it. Something with blindness or seizures, but that's all I know." Theo was disoriented by a seemingly random question.
"Worse than that. When the war began and the military took an interest in the project, they forced my father to share his research. It used to be an innocent playtime, he was just a neuroscientist fascinated by an unbelievable power. But you know the Republic, they were anything but innocent. My dad continued working on the prototype until he learned about how they were testing it. You can probably guess that part." She was candidly telling him her personal story, not omitting the unsavory details.
It haunted her like a shadow, always lurking behind her back. Since everything was falling apart, taking that wraith into the spotlight wasn't so scary anymore. Annette made peace with the fact it won't ever leave her side.
"...on the Eighty-Six." He had no doubt it was a correct answer. It always came back to the Eighty-Six. The original sin of the Republic. The one that started it all.
"Yes. Thousands of them, none of it by choice. You see, the early stages of testing showed a disturbing phenomenon. Human brains weren't made to handle that amount of impulses. Hundreds of test subjects had their brains fried in an instant until the military gave up on the possibility of using other senses. When my father found out, he couldn't handle the guilt. Probably that's why he decided to off himself the same way." The girl smirked, but her voice was lifeless. It scared him.
"I'm sorry to hear that." He was conflicted, her pain and sense of loss were genuine, but his heart screamed with the cries of the fallen Eighty-Six, callously sacrificed for the research to continue.
"You need to know something. The family with the miraculous power, which we hurt in the process…" This was her greatest trauma, haunting her ever since. The happy memories of her childhood were forever stained by everything that happened after the war began. Annette wanted to confess what she and her family had done to the Nouzens, but the words weren't coming out.
"…Shinei's family." It fit like a missing puzzle piece, completing the tragic picture.
"I still haven't apologized. I don't know how to approach him, and repenting seems impossible anyway. I pushed him away when he needed help the most. Everything could've been… different. If only I hadn't acted like a spoiled brat. But that's beside the point now, I just wanted to be upfront. This tale contains many of my misdeeds." Getting it out was bitter-sweet. It took her years to tell Lena, but with Theo, it was so… natural. Speaking to him was like a confession, and omitting this part would be like yet another sin.
"It's not my place to judge. If it helps your conscience, from what I know, Shin doesn't really remember anything before the Eighty-Six Sector. Besides, he's not one to hold a grudge. I'm sure he'll forgive you, especially since you both were just children." He reassuringly squeezed her hand, wanting to comfort her.
"That's only half of the story. Josef van Penrose might have been dead, but the experiments continued. Sharing noises also had limits, and the Alba didn't want their precious lives to be at risk. The acute overloads killed people in an instant, but the chronic use was trickier. The military never bothered to uncover the exact mechanism, but it poisoned the neurons during the prolonged overuse. Shutting the brain down, slowly but surely. No specific symptoms, until it snapped in the span of days, sometimes hours." She felt like it wasn't her speaking, because how could she say it so calmly?
It was like watching her body move on her own while being only a passive observer. That was why the Handlers had to be rigidly monitored their whole lives. The limits imposed were way below the hazardous level, but the device was too new to know its long-term consequences. The chance of complications occurring was slim, but in medicine, there is no such thing as certainty.
"It's terrifying, but it's in the past. Even we were informed about the limits, which isn't that obvious considering their stance on human pigs." The story made him more confused the longer it went on. Did she feel the responsibility now, of all times? It didn't make any sense.
"It should've been if I wasn't so fucking stupid. I've never considered that slight overuse could amplify if continuously repeated in a short time. They were so strict about the limits, scaring us with the ramifications and implementing restrictions on the devices themselves, it didn't cross their minds to consider and test such a situation. I was arrogant, thinking I knew the device best." The girl stopped crying during the tale, but her eyes were like those of the person who had lost everything.
"Did you…?" Theo couldn't hide the distraught in his voice. Their relationship wasn't clearly defined, but it appeared he cared about her more than he previously believed. Were they friends? Acquaintances? Was there something more? The man wasn't sure, but the thought of losing her made his stomach turn.
"I wish it were me. Then this shit would be more bearable. When preparing for Legion's invasion, I made a special malware. A plugin, allowing the user to ignore every built-in restriction. Lena has been using it ever since." Annette didn't have to say anything more. The silence that followed made everything clear.
They sat in it until Theo managed to mumble a shy question.
"Are you sure it's not reversible? You said it yourself, the Republic didn't check this phenomenon thoroughly. Maybe her state is not as bad as you think." Theoto believed the girl was a brilliant scientist, but this time he prayed she was wrong.
"I spent the whole night reading the documentation, consulting it with doctors and researchers. I didn't tell them the details, but they were unanimous. It's a miracle she's still functioning properly, her parameters are critical. Lena might crash any moment, and it will be my fucking fault. How can I tell her that, Theo? Thank you for your service, but you're dying and I did that? You trusted your best friend with your health, but she was a garbage human being and postponed your examinations because of stupid work. I hate myself for not stopping her. For neglecting my duties as her physician after coming here. For being such a horrid best friend." The tears found their way back into her eyes when she divulged her screw-up. Annette found it grimly funny, that the words resonating in her mind were "It's killing me inside". If anything, she was the killer.
"You couldn't have known. It's the Republic's fault, they were the tyrants who pushed you to a corner. Both you and Lena wouldn't be forced to use such means if they had listened to you in the first place. Fuck it, the whole Para-RAID wouldn't be an issue. Your dad, the Eighty-Six, Lena and you are the victims. Don't give them a favor by taking their blame. Tell me, truthfully. Would you survive the Legion's attack without Lena and the others commanding every Processor left in the country?" It was obvious she was in shock, but Theo wanted her to see the outside perspective. The true villain standing behind both of their miseries.
"...we probably wouldn't. But that's just an excuse." She tried to object because the situation was too much for her. Rational or not, Henrietta van Penrose was drowning in immense guilt.
"It's not an excuse, but an explanation. I've lived many years on the battlefield, seeing my friends die left and right. There were many sleepless nights when I pondered what I could've done better. Attack quicker, kill a different unit, choose another route. It nearly drove me insane. I know you probably don't believe me now, but it's not your fault. I'm sure the Colonel will think the same. Heck, knowing her, she'll be more worried about you than about herself. That's what kind of person she is." Theo realized his eyes were wet.
He could play brave, but the news finally hit him. Their beloved Handler One was dying. It felt surreal. She was once a person behind an untouchable wall, guiding them from her sheltered utopia. A stubborn idealist, who sincerely cared about her Squadron, despite them repeatedly pushing her away. God must be cruel since he punishes the just while letting the wicked thrive.
Then another thought hit. Shin. How will he bear it? Lena was the one who made him take a step out of his shell. He had never seen his Captain so full of life and normal, like when he was next to her. It was obvious Shinei loved and cherished their Handler. His gaze always followed her, and the man lighted up while talking with her. It might have been subtle from the outside, but people knowing him saw a dramatic change.
Theo knew the answer. He had seen it before. A man who lost his purpose. Headless Reaper wandering through the battlefield, waiting for the sweet release of death. Shin had lost too much during his short life. Losing her would inevitably break him. She was like a thin thread guiding him towards the future. What's the point of survival, if the person he fought for is no longer there?
August 2nd Republic Year 357 (Stellar Year 2138)
30 days until the Start of the Legion War
After taking Mathilda to Saint Magdalene's Hospital, Zelene rushed off into the night. It wasn't an easy decision to leave her friend during such a vulnerable moment, but Hilda kindly proposed it herself. Zelene was grateful, promising to get her husband here as soon as possible. She called her trusted servant while driving, to send someone to Ernst Zimmerman's house and office, but finding her niece took priority.
The work phone was ringing mercilessly, begging for her attention. She ignored it without much thought, throwing the device on the backseat. The woman was sure those egotistical paranoids would demand unleashing her unfinished weapon immediately, disregarding logic and the safety of civilians. Zelene repeatedly told them it wasn't ready and things could easily go sour, but amid the crisis, no one was willing to listen to scientists.
The public mobile network wasn't working properly, the affected areas got cut off because of infrastructural damage, and the city center went dark. The woman knew Elizabeth's last location, but the explosion heard before the call disconnected made her fear the worst.
Isolation from the world after Carl's death came to bite her years later. There used to be a time when she cursed Isabella Dunham for seducing her brother and taking him away to another country, but deep down Zelene always knew it was foolish. Carl was smitten, and it was mutual. It wasn't Isabella's fault he decided to join the military, but she had to blame someone to survive.
The last talk they had was still ringing in her ears. It was a petty argument, nothing new to either sibling. Zelene was angry he didn't consult her about enlisting, and he was frustrated by her constant nagging. I did it because of love. Back then those words were nonsensical, war and love were an oxymoron in her book. Nowadays she wasn't so sure.
What if she had called him and apologized? Would things be different? Zelene had many sorrows. Seeing Elizabeth's hatred when they met years later made her realize, it was already too late to fix them. She didn't have a future to dream of anyway. Her body had been rotting away since Carl's passing, waiting for the sweet release of death. The only thing left to do was repent. The road ahead had been blocked away by rubble, and the noises from the backseat went silent. She was getting close.
The smoke and ask obstructed the view, so the only option was to go on foot. Zelene grabbed her pistol and first aid kit, both hidden in the glove compartment for dire situations. The white clothes she was in quickly turned gray, her eyes were stingy and the fire was dangerously close to her skin, but the woman wasn't stopping.
The damages were worse than expected, wooden stalls caught fire from the initial blast, and the flames spread to the nearby buildings. It was suffocating, oxygen was scarce, and the heat clouded her mind. She saw the bodies lying on the ground, but she didn't stop to check if they were alive. All that mattered was finding that one person.
"ELIZABETH! GREGOR! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?" Zelene cried out loudly, despite the blazing smoke scorching her lungs. She was coughing violently, but the woman continued her search.
Her hands were scalded from moving heated objects, but that pain was nothing in comparison to the anguish in her heart. She kept finding people crushed under the rubble, but she had no strength to move them away. Some corpses were too disembodied to identify, making her lose hope with every passing minute.
What if she was already dead?
It wasn't long since Zelene regained a reason for existing. Even if it was driven by guilt and willingness to atone, it made her keep going. Hell was still saving a spot for her, but the least she could do was to remunerate for the grievance done to her brother and his family. The woman had planned to make the girl Birkenbaum's heiress, leaving their lineage's legacy into the right hands.
If she was gone, so was her purpose. The Imperial family's weapon was nothing more than a means to an end, to shield others from experiencing the same suffering. She didn't care about politics. Humans made wars, but wars weren't made for humans. By eliminating the need for mortal soldiers, she believed the world might become different. In the end, it was nothing more but a futile dream.
"...er…" A faint sound caught her attention. It was coming from under the pile of bricks, from what used to be a house's wall. Something in it seemed familiar, so Zelene didn't hesitate and started digging through with her bare hands. It took ages, but eventually, she got a glimpse of a well-known face.
"Gregor! Have you seen Elizabeth? Can you move?" She started digging even more desperately, ignoring the raw flesh under her torn-off skin. The older man's head was covered in blood, his eyes were damaged by the shreds of glass, and it was a miracle he was still alive.
"Miss...Under…" His lips barely moved, but Zelene gleaned what he meant. Instead of continuing the excavation where she had begun, the woman took a different approach. She moved the highest layer of bricks to the side, and with that method, proceeded to make a small opening where Gregor's abdomen should be.
To her horror, she noticed the man's body was pierced through by a metal pole, making bringing him out impossible. She had almost no strength left, and removing the enormous stack of bricks was beyond her capabilities. When Zelene was about to give up, overtaken by despair, she noticed a light brown strand of hair.
"Elizabeth! Elizabeth, can you hear me? Please, Lizzy, move. Flinching would be enough, merely show me you're alive." The woman had no idea when she started crying. Her desperate pleas continued when trying to make the hole bigger, but the girl wasn't responding. Was it her revenge for the years when she left them on their own? If so, she would gladly take any punishment. Anything, as long as Elizabeth would move once again.
It took her a while, but in the end, the opening was just wide enough to try to pull the slim girl out. Her face was badly bruised and her bones showed signs of fracture, but miraculously enough, Zelene could feel a faint breathing. Gregor must have shielded her with his body, taking on most of the impact.
"Gregor I… I'm so thankful. I'm so sorry. I…" Her voice wasn't coming out properly, and she started sobbing uncontrollably. Her whole body was exhausted, and the first respondents were focused on extinguishing the fire. There was no chance she could free him in time.
"I'm...happy...Miss..tress…" Gregor murmured with a gentle smile, but those were his last words. Zelene saw his body harden, but there was nothing she could do. The man who was a trusted figure in her life since she could remember was no longer on this Earth.
"Miss, you have to get out of here. We'll take the girl." A firefighter grabbed Zelene by her shoulders, trying to make the woman come to her senses.
The paramedics at the scene took Elizabeth into the ambulance, but Zelene didn't want to move an inch. How could she leave Gregor by himself? He was always there for her, even when she pushed the whole world away.
"We'll take her with us, maybe she had a concussion. Focus on making the fire go away, we can't go in with the gear unless it's safe here." Another rescuer escorted Zelene inside the vehicle, but she felt it was all a dream.
A dreadful nightmare she would wake up from. The external stimuli were blocked by her brain until a distinct sound broke the invisible barriers. It was quiet, closer to a whisper, but it worked like a buck of cold water poured directly into her mind. A hoarse voice belonging to a crimson-eyed girl.
"W-what...h-happen…?" Elizabeth was scarcely conscious, but she tried to make sense of the situation. Her memory was a mess, and every part of her body screamed from the pain.
"Don't worry, Lizzie. Everything will be fine. Try to get some rest, I'll guard you." The caring tone didn't fit Zelene's determined expression, but weirdly enough, Liz didn't mind. She didn't understand why, but her body instinctively decided to trust the aunt's words, and the girl powerlessly fell back into the slumber.