Chapter 2: Dignity

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
- Oscar Wilde

It took Shikamaru a long time to realize he was capable of loving someone, long enough to realize that by the time he fell in love, they were already taken. When was being in love important to him? Probably when he realized how lonely his life was destined to be. In hindsight, he should have realized his love for Naruto a long time ago when he agreed to go after that idiot Sasuke because he was important to the blond. If he had been smart enough, he would have realized then that he had no place outside of friendship in the blond's life.

At first, he was jealous of Sasuke. The man held Naruto's attention flawlessly and in the same way Naruto held Shikamaru's. It wouldn't be till later that maybe Shikamaru realized he was also jealous of the way Naruto held Sasuke's attention, because a little part of him, a part he refused to acknowledge, also wanted Sasuke's attention.

It was early morning and the early hustle and bustle of the mission room next door had died down to Shikamaru and Kakashi could return back to the office to get some work done. The sound of papers quickly filled the room, but it didn't last long before the silver-haired Hokage spoke up.

"We're releasing him today." The Nara froze, his pencil pressed hard enough to the paper that the lead snapped. He could feel the older man's eyes on him, but he didn't dare turn around. The truth was, he didn't trust the Uchiha. Yea, he might have helped save the world, but then he tried to kill Naruto after, even knowing the blond was his mate.

"I want to see him before he's let go, Kakashi-Sensei," the genius murmured before grabbing another pencil. He didn't look up at the Hokage. Even without the Sharingan the man was observant and he didn't want to show what was in his gaze. Fear, anger… He was afraid of Sasuke, afraid for Naruto. He didn't want to see the blond's heart break again and someone who didn't have a veil over their eyes needed to be the one to talk to the former rogue.

"Shikamaru-kun, look at me. Can I ask you a question?" The words broke the silence between them and thought it wasn't an order, Shikamaru found his honey eyes drifting towards the man behind the desk.

"You already have, Rokudaime-Sama," Shikamaru began, taking glee in the twitch of annoyance in Kakashi's lips. "But you can ask another."

"Do you love Naruto?"

The assistant expected any other question, but that one. He knew he was telling with the tightness of his lips and the widening of his eyes. He could see the moment Kakashi saw it too with the way his eyes softened in pity.

"Doesn't matter, but if he is going to be in the future Hokage's life, and I am going to be Naruto's advisor, then I want to make sure he understands a few things."

"I see. Well, who am I to stop you?"
Shikamaru blinked in surprise. He hadn't realized his eyes had dropped back to his work but they had snapped up at Kakashi's approval.

"Cat, can you take Shikamaru-kun to T ? Make sure he gets a few minutes. I'll be down in…" the Hokage grins and looks out at the sun. "After the Vice-principal's lunch."

"Sempai," Cat drawled in warning. "You're going to piss Iruka-Sensei off if you don't get work done today." The Nara smirked at the banter between the two friends. Being one of the privileged few to know Cat's identity had made office time amusing, especially when Kakashi was being himself.

"Maa, Kohai. Iruka loves me."

"I don't know why." The dramatic way their Hokage clutched at his chest had the Nara smirking behind his hand, the brief amusement lightening his mood considerably, albeit briefly.

"I'll be quick Cat, and then you can bring him back to work," the Nara teased, grinning wider as the ANBU groaned.

A few minutes later had them both outside of the cell door, the jovial mood gone. "I don't need long."
"Just don't kill him. I can turn a blind eye to a lot, but I don't think I can to that." While there was still an attempt to tease, Shikamaru found relief. At least there was someone out there who hadn't forgotten what Sasuke had done. Shikamaru offered a single nod before gathering his chakra. Within one blink and the next, the shadows had wrapped around him and he had disappeared from Cat's side.

Shikamaru was prepared to be firm, to be angry, but when the shadows dispersed from around him and he saw Sasuke several feet away, his heart broke. Despite knowing what all he had done, what all he was capable of, seeing him bound and blinded felt like a knife in his chest. This was a lot harder to see than he thought it would be and all irritation, anger and rage disappeared in the blink of an eye.

For perhaps the first time, he was truly happy his emotions couldn't be discovered in his scent, yet he knew it was the cigarette he had smoked that morning that had given him away when Sasuke raised his head. The Uchiha's mouth was in a thin line and it was only because Shikamaru knew what he was looking for let him know what the man was feeling. The fact that there were no other scents other than smoke would be off putting. Those few seconds allowed him to pull himself together enough to speak.

"They're letting you out today." The lump in his throat kept him from speaking normally. No, he needed to push his compassion down. He couldn't afford emotions. Not right now. Pulling his hands from his pockets, he closed the distance between him and the Uchiha only to lift the bandage that covered his Sharingan eye. He knew better than to reveal the Rinnegan. "I want you to turn on your Sharingan for this because you're not going to forget my face."

It was a carefully crafted game, and Shikamaru always won games. Turning his back on Sasuke was as much of a powerplay as it was to push that onyx eye from his brain. When he turned back around and leaned against the door, he expected to be met with the Sharingan. Instead, the charcoal orb continued to watch him, that intense gaze as penetrating as his own. It wasn't until his own eyes narrowed in response that the eye bled red. If Shikamaru thought he was exposed before, it was nothing to how he felt now. That gaze wrapped around him, invading him, and yet, he didn't feel as threatened as he should have. Instead, what he felt was…safe. But that couldn't be right. Instead of allowing himself to dwell on these thoughts however, Shikamaru pushed on ahead.\

"You're going to be on your best behavior when you get out of here. Don't talk-" he barked when Sasuke opened his mouth. He had to get through this and leave before he lost his nerve, or worse, felt sorry for Sasuke. "You're not going to hurt him again. If you do, you won't live long enough for the bond to burn you alive." The sharp inhale from the bound man nearly made him smile. Nearly. He was glad his threat was taken seriously that despite all of the power and capabilities Sasuke had, he knew he wasn't immortal and if anyone would be able to find a way to kill him, it was the Nara standing across from him.

At least, that was what Shikamaru had believed was going through the other man's and threat given, he turned to leave. The words at his back though froze him in place.

"You love him, too." Time seemed to stand still as the shadows wavered around him, influenced by his influx of emotions. In another lifetime, he could have loved Naruto. Perhaps if he had been an omega, or even a beta, Naruto would have looked twice at him, or if there were no gender boundaries at all, the blond would have looked, but in this lifetime, it could never happen.

"Impossible. I'm incapable of it, but he is the future of the Hidden Leaf, and I made a vow to him." While he hadn't meant to say it, the words came out eagerly. Was he trying to prove he was not a threat to his mate? No, not really. It was just something he had painfully accepted a long time ago. It still didn't make sense to him why he had told Sasuke of all people though. Biting his lip, he let those thoughts begin to wander unwillingly again but fortunately, Sasuke broke the rabbit hole his mind wanted to jump down.

"What do you mean incapable of love? If you were incapable, you wouldn't-"

"Do not mistake loyalty for love, Uchiha. Enjoy your freedom." Shikamaru snapped back in anger before the shadows wrapped around him and he disappeared again. He didn't speak to Cat when he appeared again. Instead, he headed straight for the roof of Hokage tower. He needed a damn smoke. Love? No. He didn't love Naruto and he certainly didn't feel any compassion for the man in the cell. It was loyalty. No one was better suited for this job than he was. That was it. Love was for other people, not a man who was bred to translate the art of war.

3 years later…

Leaning in to kiss Temari had been a reflex of the high emotions he allowed himself to feel that way. One of his best friends was getting married to her mate and Ino had never looked more beautiful. Sakura and Ino were truly a perfect couple and Shikamaru was happy for them and seeing the smiles on their faces had something akin to hope built up in his chest and caused him to close the distance.

They had been dating for six months. Ever since Gengo had nearly trapped him in his genjutsu and Temari had stopped it, he'd been infatuated. Of course, his infatuation ran deeper than that. They'd been friends for a long time, despite her penchant for calling him crybaby or yelling at him. She'd always been there for him and had been one of the first people outside of his team and family unit to know about him and the first one he'd told willingly.

"Why would a beta need to wear blockers?"

It was easy to blend in in a crowd or to use the excuse, but she had seen right through him. Where she had brought warmth and understanding though, Gengo had brought anxiety and fear.

"I know people, Shikamaru. They could make you an alpha and then you can take your place as my right-hand man."

It was perhaps the only thing he'd left out of his report, or kept secret from everyone, but in the darkness of his room, the darkest recesses of his mind, he let himself fantasize. Would he and Temari be mates if he did? Would he have to give up on what he was building with her if they weren't? She was happy with the way he was, and he believed he was too. At least until the wedding.

Leaning down, he smiled at her, but she immediately turned away. The blush of shame flushed her tan cheeks down her neck and he paused, his stomach dropping out. Reaching up, he brushed the collar of her kimono aside, uncaring that it was inappropriate. The mating mark was a bright pink against her neck and he felt his throat go dry.

"Oh," he whispered and straightened up. Her hand gripping him kept him from taking another step back but he couldn't…he couldn't look at her. The lump began growing in his throat, making it difficult to breathe and his eyes stung.

"Shikamaru, I was going to tell-"

"No, it's okay, Tem. I get it." Oh good, he could still form sentences and not make a fool out of himself. He turned back and smiled, despite wanting to crawl into a hole and die. "I'm happy for you. Is…Are they good to you?"
"Yea," the blond omega whispered.

"Suna?"

"Kiri," she shook her head.

"Ah," he nodded, their parody of small talk coming to an abrupt end. "When were…"
"After the wedding. Tonight. I didn't want to ruin Ino's night." He nodded stiffly because it made sense and a quick glance around told him that Naruto and Sasuke were keeping Ino and Sakura's attention. Chouji, who was sitting beside Naruto however, gave him a sad smile. So they all knew. He merely nodded and sent a small smile back. He would not break down here, not like this.

"I see, then uh, this is it?" He asked, rubbing at the back of his head.

"I'm still Suna's Ambassador, you can't get rid of me that easily, Nara. I'll be around to continue to make your life a drag."
"Good," he barked out a forced laugh and looked away. "Tell your alpha that if he hurts you, I'm gonna kick his ass, Tem. He's got one of the best." He glanced out of the corner of his eyes to see her own softening as she reached out to brush their hands together for one last time.

"After I kick his ass, you mean. I don't want to have to save you after."

"Mendokuse," he rolled his eyes and pretended he wasn't so close to breaking. He fooled her though as she smiled and swatted his arm. "Need me to walk you back to your apartment?"
"Nah, I got it. It's not far." She paused before leaning in to tug him down and kiss his cheek. "Thank you, Shikamaru." She murmured before walking off. He waited until she disappeared in the trees before turning back to his friends.