CH9.

EDMUND POV.

It's been a month since I left. One month since I said goodbye to her on that warm summer day. I miss the warmth. I miss her too. I missed her the moment I no longer felt her body next to mine. I miss the feeling of contentment that filled me every time I looked at her. I miss her soft violet eyes. I miss her hand intertwined with mine. I miss going on long rides or walks together. I miss splashing in the sea or in our waterfall. I miss her laugh, and seeing her eyes sparkle. I mostly just miss being with her. Whether that was glancing at her from across the table and giving her a playful kick, running through the halls with her, or lying on our backs looking at the clouds in our meadow, her head lightly placed on my shoulder. My soul aches for her. I can't describe the feeling of loss, of lacking something that would make me feel whole, it's baffling. I miss my siblings of course, but I can bear being separated, I have been many other times. But this time…I feel like I left a piece of me behind in Cair Paravel.

A cold gust of wind blows through the tent and brings a large amount of snow through the opening. It's so cold up here. The snow is everywhere and the wind bites at any piece of exposed skin. My mind wanders to home, wondering what they're all doing, how they're feeling. Knowing Peter, he's probably shut up in his office looking over maps or signing papers. He works so hard, but it is evening now. He might be sitting in one of the girls' rooms by the fire. Maybe they are reading a book, or just talking. That's somewhat of a tradition for us. It's rare we ever sleep in our own rooms for longer than a few nights. We are always sneaking off to one another's room, looking for a confidant or someone to joke with, or just to be together; it can get lonely in the big castle at night. Sometimes we all pile into one king size bed and look at maps or read stories, or just reminisce about old times. I wonder if those traditions now included Reyna. She would love hearing all of the stories about Narnia.

I can picture the scene perfectly: the girls sitting on Lucy or Susan's giant bed with scrolls strewn over the covers. Lucy is probably looking over one with a tale of a knight and a fair maid. Susan reading one of poetry or philosophy occasionally glancing over at Lucy's scroll. I could picture Reyna too, lying on her stomach, her feet kicking off the bed peering over the different scrolls wondering which to choose first. I could see Peter gently tap on the door and sneak in quietly. I could see him place a gentle hand on the small of Reyna's back as he sat down on the bed to look at the scrolls she was reading. He would point out interesting things to her and to the girls and they would all laugh and have a wonderful time. As I thought about all of this happening, a well of longing and jealousy roils in my gut. I wanted to be there with them, teaching Reyna about the history and culture of Narnia. The jealousy soon fades, but the longing remains.

I guess there's always been this kind of rivalry between Pete and me. We never got along before we came to Narnia. I always felt like I was standing in his shadow; like everyone looked straight through me and up to him, for everything. When my dad went off to war, my mother looked to Peter to become the 'man of the house' and take care of everyone. She always thought of me as so much younger than him, when in reality I am only three years younger. Even when we first came to Narnia, Aslan chose him as High King. Since being in Narnia, it felt like things calmed between us. We each have our roles to fulfill, we have equal standing, respect for one another. We haven't had any major fights or jealousy between us since we've been here. After I spent time with the Witch, I realized how much I needed my siblings for strength. When Aslan rescued me, he and I had a long talk about character and integrity and what makes a man truly a man, and ever since then those fears of rejection and longing to be in the spotlight have faded.

Ever since then, he's been my best mate. We have never really bickered about girls. Honestly, in the nine years we had been in Narnia, we've never fought over a girl once. Peter never really seemed to be bothered by girls. I mean they always fell for him, but he never really batted an eye at them. He's really similar to Susan in that way. Neither of them seemed interested in romantic relationships. I guess they just haven't found anyone who they like enough to explore that kind of a relationship with. Lucy, though she is seventeen, still seems too young for relationships. She just loves everyone unconditionally.

There was one girl, a few years back, who caught my eye. Reyna actually reminds me a lot of her. Her name was Anneliese. She was a Calormen noblewoman. She and her brother had come to stay with us and while she was in Cair Paravel we spent a lot of time together. Honestly, I thought she was the one I was going to marry. We fell in love fast and hard. I wanted to spend every second of the day with her. Her presence was intoxicating. We even started planning for our future and discussing our wedding plans until her brother found out about us and threw a huge fit. I guess he had plans for her to marry another nobleman in Calormen. They left the next day. I didn't even get to say goodbye. It devastated me, truthfully. That's kind of when I became a bit of a recluse. Whenever emissaries would come to visit, I would always do my best to stay as far away from them as possible. I went to the meetings with Pete, Susan, and Lu, but other than that I'd sneak off into the library and spend my time there until they left. I didn't really want to risk opening up my heart to someone again, until Reyna, that is.

I didn't even mean to. She is just such an easy presence to be around, and I found myself opening up to her against my will. Another pang of longing went through my body and reminded me why I built my walls up for so long. Opening yourself up to another person, meant risking getting hurt. I knew Reyna would never intentionally try to hurt me, she was way too kind-hearted for that, but sometimes you can't help hurting the people you love. Not that she loves me. Or that I love her. You don't get to choose who you love, it just kind of happens.

A call from one of my soldiers aroused me out of my reverie and I stood to receive him. The aching in my chest did not go away.

"Your Majesty." He said as he entered the tent, I could see it was Lumencious, a noble and wise centaur of about 4,000 years.

"Lumencious, what news?"

"My lord, the scouts have returned with slightly startling reports."

"I see. What do they say?" My stomach started to twist, fearing what he would say.

"Shall I call them in, my lord?"

"Yes, do." As I saw him go, my breath started to quicken. I sent scouts out to reconnoiter the giant's camps. Our journey had been long and tiring, it had taken almost a month to get here. The cold conditions and unpredictable snowstorms and avalanches caused us to move with great caution. I hate the snow. It reminds me too much ofher. The tent rustled and two scouts entered with the centaur, along with another man whom I had never seen before. There were a range of emotions crossing their faces, and I couldn't read any of them. I paused, waiting for them to speak. When they didn't right off I said, "Well, what did you find?"

"Your Majesty, I'm afraid it's not good news."Great, just what I wanted to hear.I thought sarcastically.

"The giants' forces are much larger than we anticipated and it appears that the sorceress who is helping them has incredible strength." I felt my body tense and asked, "Is it Jadis? Has she returned?" The entire tent remained silent for a few moments. Finally, fed up with the silence, my fists slammed down on the table and exclaimed, "IS IT HER?"

"We believe so, Your Majesty." I felt the energy go out of my body and my knees buckled. I sank heavily into my chair, is this possible? How can she return? Is it really her or a different reincarnation? If it is her, is she stronger or weaker than before?A flurry of questions were running through my mind and I had no idea of any of their answers.

"Majesty? Do you think we should send word back to the High King and Queens? Should we call for reinforcements?" Lumencious asked, hesitant to disturb me from my thoughts.

"No." I said adamantly, I didn't need Peter's help, besides, I wanted to be sure it washerbefore I called home. "Not yet. I need to be sure it's Jadis." All of the men in the tent tensed, and even I was surprised at the dark tone my voice carried. I took in a calming breath steeling myself for anything that lay ahead.

"Well boys, it looks like we are going on a witch hunt." I said, determination in my heart.

REYNA POV.

I miss him. He hasn't been gone that long, only about two months. It feels like a lifetime since I saw him last. Since I felt his fingers gently run over mine. It was like he took a piece of me with him, and I don't quite understand it. We hadn't been acquainted for long before he left. A little over two months. We had known each other two months before he left, and yet I found myself missing him with a vehemence that just denies sense. I shouldn't feel like this. There's just something about him. Something that made me trust him the first second I saw his face, staring down at me with that concerned look in his brown eyes…His beautiful brown eyes… such a deep brown like rich dark chocolate. I could just drown in them whenever he looked at me. I feel my cheeks flush.

The past few weeks have been spent with the other Pevensies, all of us pretending that we aren't missing a piece. Sometimes I spend my days with Susan and Lucy wandering through the castle fulfilling tasks, other days are spent in quiet solitude. They've been taking me to visit and getting to know the citizens of Narnia. I've been training with those fighters that stayed behind as reinforcements. My archery is improving - slowly. Susan and Lucy have been showing me how to fight with my daggers. It's been so long since I trained my body to move and sweat like this, but I enjoy the sore muscles and small improvements I make in my training. I am so far behind everyone else, since the last time I did anything resembling training was when my brothers were alive. My father didn't know that they would teach me self-defense moves or how to wrestle. They always teased me and said I could use them in case any unwanted suitors came my way.

Susan and Lucy are so skilled with weapons. They and their brothers spent quite a bit of time sparring to make sure all of them could take care of themselves and have their siblings' back. I really enjoy learning to fight. It makes me feel empowered and self-reliant. I am by no means a master, but at least I hopefully will be able to handle myself in a fight now and won't have to completely rely on others to protect me. Peter comes out every afternoon to train with the army regardless of how busy his schedule is. He's a brilliant teacher and has helped develop my technique wonderfully.

With the amount of time I spent with the girls, I think I spent even more time with Peter. I am a frequent visitor to his office these days; simply keeping him company and watching him pour over documents or maps. He sometimes takes me to meetings with him about kingdom affairs. He always asks my opinion about kingdom issue and hot topics that pop up at these meetings. Even though I have much less experience than him, I never feel it when we talk together. He is so open to listening to things from my point of view and his responses are gentle and thought-provoking. He is always wanting to make sure that he isn't only seeing things from his perspective. He works too hard, but he won't lighten up his load. I have to remind him to take breaks every couple of hours.

His worry for his brother weighs on him. I think he feels guilty about letting Ed go to Ettinsmoor on his own. He told me that this is the first time he hasn't gone to battle with his brother. His blue eyes don't sparkle as much as they used to and more often than not these days, a frown creases his forehead. I don't like seeing him like this.

One day last week, I came upon him in his office. I knocked but maybe I hadn't knocked loud enough or maybe he just didn't hear me. I pushed open the door and saw him sitting bent over with his elbows on his desk, he had his head and shoulders bowed with a hand on either side of his head. He looked completely defeated. I went over to stand behind him. If he heard me approach, he didn't look up. I put my hands on his shoulders and squeezed gently. His body stiffened a bit and then relaxed as he leaned back into my touch. His head moved to rest on the back of the chair and he reached around to grab my arms, all without opening his eyes. His arms guided me around so I was in front of him and eventually seated gently on his lap. He pulled me close and just sat there for a few moments cradling my body in his arms. Even though he was the one holding me, I felt like he was the one needing comfort and reassurance. I traced the frown lines on his brow and frowned in return. When he felt this, he nudged my chin with his head and simply squeezed me tighter.

After a while, he whispered, "I don't like him being gone. He thinks it's because I don't trust him. I do trust him. I just feel like I've abandoned him to go it alone. It doesn't feel right."

At this my left hand came up around his neck and shoulders and I let my head rest next to his. I don't know how long we sat like that missing Edmund.

Susan and Lu notice his absence too. They are more vocal about the loss of Edmund's presence than Peter is, frequently mentioning how they miss his jokes or riding with him.

The girls and I are developing our friendships quickly. Growing up, I didn't really have any friends who were girls. I didn't really have any friends at all, other than my brothers… But they're gone now. Whenever I think of them now, my thoughts fly to Edmund. What if he was dead? What if he was lying on the battlefield soaked in blood? Startled from my reverie by these thoughts, fear bubbles up inside me, increasing my heart rate and breathing. I can feel myself starting to fidget with anxiety. Susan places a soft hand on my knee and I look at her. Her eyes are filled with compassion, and I can just tell she knows the path of my thoughts, she's thinking about it too.

Susan is not like other girls. She has a way of knowing what you were thinking without having to say it. She has an intuitive ability to look into your eyes, read your body language and immediately be clued in on how to help. Her gentle and kind presence could soothe even the most frayed nerves. Loving is the perfect word to describe her and her personality. She exudes love from every pore of her body. At first glance you might not think it, especially because she does such a great job of hiding it, but she cares deeply for everyone around her. Lucy's love is really outspoken, she exclaims it and pronounces it all the time. Susan shows her love through smaller, often unspoken ways. Everyone she comes in contact with feels it and is immediately lifted. It's no wonder every man who talks to her (or even just sees her) falls in love with her. I am surprised that she hasn't married yet. It's definitely not from a lack of suitors, that's for sure. It's like everyday a new one comes to solicit her hand in marriage. Peter just looks at Susan and she sizes them up with her careful gaze. If she thinks they have promise she will nod and take them on a walk in the garden, this always ends with the suitors leaving disappointed, however. She has always had this premonition that she would know exactly who she was going to be with. She says Aslan told her that in a dream.

- Flashback -

I watched the young man go, feeling sorry for his loss. Glancing at Peter – who was seated behind a desk across the room, he had a sort of wistful look in his eyes. Susan came walking in from the side garden slowly, weighing a pink rose in her hands. After walking into the room and placing the rose on Pete's desk, she came and returned to her place next to me on the couch and gave me a smile.

"Hey, Su?" I asked. She looked at me and said, "Yes?"

"Why do you always send them away?" I felt like a child asking such a stupid question, it was obviously because she didn't like them.

"Because they are not right." She replied. I looked at her with a confused look. "It's not because they have any major character flaws – although some of them do – or physical deficiencies, I just know they're the one for me." I looked at her again, skeptically.

"How do you 'know?'" She laughed at my tone. Lucy scoffed from her place on the floor under the table with her book. Peter and Lucy exchanged a smiling glance. They had obviously had this discussion before and had the same reaction as I.

"I don't know how I know… I just do. It's almost like someone is telling me, 'Susan, even though you may like this one, he is not the right fit.' When the right man comes, I will know him." She said confidently.

"How do you know you haven't missed him?" I asked. She gave me a serious look and said, "Aslan." Just that single word sent shivers down my spine. The other two Pevensies looked up – Peter from his scroll and Lucy from her book – this must be news to them.

"What about Aslan, Susan?" Peter asked.

"Has he come to see you?" Lucy's eyes lit up, and I could almost feel the energy pulsing from her.

"No. Well, at least not in person." Susan said, both Peter and Lucy deflated a bit, but I could still tell they were intrigued. "He came to me in a dream, a few years back. Before the suitors started to come so often. He told me that I shouldn't worry about finding myself the correct suitor. He said that He would choose one for me; one who would be my perfect match. When I asked Him how I would know who this man was, he replied with, 'Trust in me, my daughter. You will know.' So, I am waiting. Waiting for the time to come when I know."

- End Flashback -

Susan's hand was still placed comfortingly on my knee. My breathing has calmed and I place my hand on top of hers giving it a gentle squeeze of thanks. We are sitting in the apple orchard, outside the great hall. The crispness of autumn is in the air and the leaves are just beginning to fall. Lucy is lying on the grass with one leg crossed over the other, her dress slightly falling – my governess would have scolded me for sitting in such an unladylike position, but none of us cared – reading a book. That was how she dealt with missing Ed. She read. Lucy told me that Ed and she loved to read together when they were younger and whenever Ed went away she would dig up one of the books they loved and would read through it again. She said it makes her feel like he's there with her. Right now, she has a book calledGreat Expectations, she has tried to explain it to me once but I couldn't understand it really.

Susan has returned to her needlework, I should really be doing the same, but I can't seem to sit still. My mind feels far far away, focusing right now is out of the question. Standing up, I pull my shawl a little tighter around my body and walk away from the place under the trees where we have been sitting. In the center of the orchard there's a bit of a clearing, the trees were not planted as closely together. You could move around quite easily with a comfortable amount of room. Lifting my face to the sky I can feel the sun shining down on me, warming my entire body. My eyes close and I just stand still, basking in the moment with face upturned, hands outstretched, and eyes closed feeling the breeze and smelling the Narnian air.

Narnian wind has an odd way of sometimes making a song as it blows. Sometimes it is simply a passing echo, other times the wind creates beautiful melodies. I can hear a faint song playing in the wind and start to sway gently to the music. Stepping out of my shoes, my toes dig into the soft grass and I feel the music flow over my body. I let the music take over, my eyes still squeezed shut. As the wind picks up, the melody becomes clearer. My body begins to sway faster and my feet move, spinning around. Leaning into the wind, feeling it wrap me up in its warmth, I let go, giving my body free reign to prance and spin throughout the orchard, not really paying any attention to where I am going or what my feet are doing, just letting the music guide me. At some point, Lucy and Susan heard the music, they got up and began to dance about with me as well. Our dresses and hair were flying like wild and we were all laughing. We hadn't laughed like this since before Edmund left.

The music builds upon itself and becomes even livelier than before. I just start spinning in place. Spinning and spinning. Spinning and spinning. And all the sudden, strong arms encompass my waist and someone is spinning with me. His large hands are calloused and warm. I feel the smile on my face grow even brighter than before and I open my eyes. Peter's eyes are lit up shining like the ocean in sunshine, laugh lines clear upon his face, but I think he's never looked younger to me than in this moment. We continue to prance and dance around, except this time he leads me. We spin so fast that I no longer feel my feet on the ground. As he places me back on the ground, my feet tangle between his legs and then we are on the ground, laughing loud belly laughs. He still has his arms wrapped around my waist and our legs are so tangled, it's hard to decipher his from mine. When we both caught our breath, I roll off of him and onto the grass. Lucy and Susan plop down beside us. We just lay there together, all looking up at the azure colored sky, watching the clouds make little shapes. Susan soon nodded off, letting the warmth of the sun lull her to sleep. I can hear her even, calm breath as she dozes.

I hear Peter's sharp intake of breath and look at him curiously. I cannot decipher the look on his face, mixed emotions play across his features making it difficult to read. None of the emotions stay long enough for me to pin one down but if I had to place it overall, I would say melancholy. The breeze blows some of his golden hair into his face. It's grown since I first met him and now pieces hang down in front of his eyes. I can see stubble across his chin and cheeks and dark circles under his eyes. Carefully, I reach my hand up and move the hair out of his eyes, before gently placing my thumb over the dark circles, caressing them tenderly. His eyes closed and he breathed a sigh of contentment; his brow relaxing minutely.

"Peter..." I say softly. "You're not taking care of yourself." His eyes open, looking just a bit confused for a moment, then recognition showed in his features.

"I will, Rey. I promise," his hand reaches up to cover mine, squeezing gently, removing it from his face and laying our joined hands on his chest. He laughs and says louder for everyone to hear, "besides, how could I forget when I've got the three of you to remind me every day."

"Peter, I am serious. You cannot let your worry for Edmund stop you from doing things here. Ed will send word when there is news."

He made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat, turning back to look at the sky. "Rey, I'm getting nervous. We haven't heard from him in over a month. It's not like him to go this long without contacting us."My hand finds his cheek again and I turn his head to face me.

"He'll be okay. You told me it takes at least a month to even get there. I'm sure he and his soldiers have pretty much just arrived and are getting situated. Trust him." I tried to put as much confidence in those words as I could, but truth be told, I'm worried too. He smiles softly before lifting his hand to cover mine, again giving it a squeeze and removing it from his face to hold in his. His eyes trace mine as we lay quietly listening to the breeze. Then, slowly without letting go of my hand, he props himself up on an elbow, turning his body towards mine and leaning closer. I remember the last time he did this, I knew he was going to kiss my lips then. This time, instead of leaning down to my lips, I watch as he leans closer until his lips softly brush over my cheek. His hot breath ghosts across my face and I hold my breath. He pulls back just enough to hover above my head for a moment before bringing his forehead down to touch mine. He pulls our joined hands up slowly so that my hand is holding his cheek again. His eyes close and it feels like we are breathing as one. The wind blows and stray hairs tickle my face. I am intensely aware of his every movement: the way his chest is easily moving up and down, the feel of his large calloused hands touching my head, my neck, and my cheek, his bicep muscle moving minutely to keep his body balanced. I can feel every detail. In that moment, everything seems to fade away; to become dull. It's like a bubble encompasses us and is blocking out everything else from interfering. I lose awareness of the wind blowing and the birds chirping and the smells of autumn, instead he becomes my only focus: his hair caressing my face, the feel of his steady heartbeat through his fingers, and his breath mixing with mine.

I don't know how long we stayed there together, unaware of anything surrounding us. But, eventually, I feel him shift. The spell is broken and it's like we both are startled out of a reverie. He inhales a deep breath, his eyes open and he pulls back leaving my body feeling cold in his absence. I let out a breath that I didn't realize I had been holding. As he moved to stand, he glanced back at me and smiled, one of his cheeks dimpling before gently letting my hand slip from his. Finger by finger. He turns and begins to walk back towards the castle. I can just see the tenseness in his back and shoulders growing with each step that he takes. I gaze after him with a feeling of loss taking the position he had just left. When he had disappeared inside the castle I turned and saw Lucy looking at me with a knowing look in her eyes.

"What are you looking at, you goof?" I said before pulling her up again to dance with me