I Fear No Pain

C20: Will She Stay?

Standard Disclaimer: I don't any of the recognizable themes or characters.

Bella's POV

It was a couple of days later when almost the entire Guard was back in the Throne Room, with the exception of Emmett and Felix, who were bringing Victoria to us, since my mother and aunts had reached a decision on what they were going to do with her, and I honestly was a bit nervous on what they had decided, and apparently my mother picked up on that, because instead of in my seat, I was firmly in her lap.

"I promise you that there is no need to be nervous sweetie. We decided something that will be beneficial for everyone involved, and I have a feeling that you will like it." Didyme said with a soft smile.

I smiled and tried to relax a little. "We'll see what happens. It's just my lingering human fears of what she had planned for me what is making me nervous, and I have always had trouble with settling my mind when I get stuck in there, it is something I'm still working on."

Didyme smiled at me. "I know sweetie, and I promise that it'll get better with time. Is there anything that I can do to help you now?"

"Could I stay here in your lap when she comes in? It makes me feel a lot better knowing that my mother is close by." I said softly.

"Of course sweetie, you know I will never mind having you this close, and for once I think we can bend propriety a little bit." She said as she wrapped her arms a bit tighter around my waist.

I smiled and relaxed against her as I looked over to Sulpicia and Athenodora, who also smiled kindly at me. "We promise you that she will never be given the opportunity to hurt you again sweetling, I have seen that much in her mind already, and I think when we give her the chance to explain her motivations properly you will also agree with our ruling today." Sulpicia said kindly.

I merely nodded at her, not wanting to say anything that would influence what they had already decided, even though I knew that it probably wouldn't.

As she walked into the Throne Room a few minutes later flanked by Emmett and Felix, I was a bit surprised to see how calm she actually seemed to be, not at all the raving redhead that I remembered meeting in that field. "My Queens, before you pass judgment, I would like to be given the opportunity to speak directly to your Princess." She asked politely, something I honestly did not know she was capable of.

"We will give you that opportunity in a moment, but before you do we would like to say something too, and it is something we do not do often. We apologize for the rather aggressive way you were brought in, because after seeing your memories and thoughts we have come to realize that a formal invitation would have been the better solution, so we do apologize for our heavy-handedness." Sulpicia said kindly.

Victoria nodded at that. "I can honestly say that I don't know how I would've reacted to that, but I have a feeling that everyone involved was doing things with wrong information. If I had known the truth I would've come to Volterra sooner."

I was honestly shocked to hear her say this, and so calmly too. "I think that we were all lied to by people we thought we could trust, and I too want to apologize for how I reacted when you came here. I have a feeling that we are actually a lot more alike then we both know." I said softly, feeling the need to apologize to her.

To my utter surprise she smiled at me, looking at Sulpicia before actually addressing me. "I have come to realize that too, which is why I hope you would allow me to explain my reasoning."

I nodded at her, although I didn't get off my mother's lap just yet because I first wanted to hear what she had to say.

She merely gave me a polite smile before she started. "As I said before my intentions were never to get revenge against you. In hindsight I realize you couldn't be his mate because how you both acted towards each other. You were more annoyed than enamored and he was most definitely manipulative and controlling towards you.

He was the one that pointed James in your direction and no matter how much I tried to dissuade him, I knew he wasn't going to listen. He never listened to me before after all. I will fully admit that his death and Laurent going away at the same time hit me hard, because I have a very deep seeded fear of being alone, hence I came up with admittedly a less than full proof plan.

I would wait until you were alone and then take you away before turning you, it would both ensure that you would be safe and I wouldn't be alone anymore, but I realize now that it would only have made you hate me more than you probably already do."

I smiled as I got off my mother's lap and walked up to her, embracing her gently. "I don't hate you, not anymore. I will admit I was nervous about today because a part of me still feared you and what you might've done to me. Hearing your story made me realize that we are indeed a lot alike and I want to try to help you as you tried to do for me in your own way.

I should also thank you, because if it wasn't for the threat we thought you were, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet my mate or my true family already, or have found my calling in life."

She smiled kindly at me. "I'm glad you don't hate me, and thank you for allowing me to tell my story, princess."

I smiled at her before going back to my mother, sitting down in her lap again since I felt that she was a bit protective and needed to have me close.

Athenodora's POV

I was immensely proud of Bella for accepting Victoria's apology as well as extending the hand of friendship, which would make our ruling even easier.

"I think in light of these confessions it wouldn't do for us to keep everyone in suspense. I have seen that you were lied to by the same man Bella was, and since he is merely dust in the wind now, it would not do anyone any favors if we punish you for something you were lied about. You are free to stay here as long as you please, and if you choose to stay we would gladly offer you a place in our Guard. I think someone with your abilities would be a great asset to us." Sulpicia said kindly.

Victoria nodded and kneeled. "It would be an honor to stay and be allowed to use the gifts I was given for something other than escaping my past."

"Trust me that we have plenty of use for someone of your experience, especially given your heritage, because if I am not mistaken you were turned by Hilda, weren't you?" I asked sternly.

She nodded at me. "Yes, my Queen. Hilda turned my sister and myself about a decade before her execution."

"I trust you understand why we chose to execute her when we did?" I asked matter-of-factually.

Again she nodded. "Yes, my Queen. My sister and I warned her many a time about her behavior but she refused to alter her ways, in the end it was better that she was gone, because now that I've had time to think about it I have seen a definite pattern in the company I have kept over the last five centuries."

I nodded at that, before Sulpicia took over again. "You will find that despite our reputation, we are very much a family within these walls with everything that comes with that. You are free to explore your owns passions as much or as little as you please, as long as you are ready when we call upon you." She said with a kind smile.

"I will always be ready, my Queen, I promise myself to your service in any way you would have need of me." Victoria said respectfully.

Sulpicia and Didyme both smiled at her while I nodded before looking at Bella, who only nodded as she got off Didyme's lap. "Emmett and Felix will escort you to your room, we are quite aware the Castle can be a bit of a maze the first few days." I said as I linked my arm with Bella before we walked out of the Throne Room.

"Are you okay aunt Dora?" She asked as we walked through the halls.

I smiled at her. "Mostly I am sweetling. It's just that I don't have the patience for things that can be arranged in two minutes to take well over an hour. Sulpicia also wants to offer her something special that would give her something to do and time to adjust to life here at the Castle. It is something we do for everyone who comes into the Guard with a history such as hers.

Bella smiled at that. "To be honest I'm glad that you didn't send her away, because like her I've have thought a lot about this too over the last couple of days and I have come to realize that she and I are not that different, I was just too blind to see it over the fear that remained. No one deserves to be treated like that and then remain alone for the rest of time."

I smiled at her. "I'm so proud of you sweetheart, even I could feel how nervous you were, and I also have to admit it was adorable to see you cuddled up to Didyme like that."

She smiled at me and gave my arm a squeeze. "I think I'm allowed to be adorable when I'm in my mother's lap."

I smiled at that. "No one will deny that sweetie, which is why I want to show you something very special that I have wanted to show you for a while, something that could very well be the oldest book ever written and the sole reason I've been educating you on a certain long dead language."

Her eyes brightened as we made our way down to the Vault, where we kept our most priceless and ancient artifacts, among those the one I was planning to show Bella, and while it didn't have an official title, scholars of our kind often referred to it as the Book of Nod.

Ever since Bella had first heard about it, she had been asking me to see it, something I will admit I had been a little bit reluctant about. It wasn't because I doubted Bella's enthusiasm for history, but more about my own history with the book.

It was the only full copy in existence and the fewer people knew about it the better in my opinion. At the same time Bella was the only one who was worthy to view it, because she had shown in the past months that she not only shared my passion for our history, but also in some areas surpassed mine, because while I had always talked about writing about our history, Bella had straight up offered and had given it her all from the moment I agreed.

As we stepped into the Vault and I had turned on the lights, I led her to the small separate room in the back, where conditions were kept optimal for preserving such an ancient book.

She looked at the book with nothing less but utter reverence, which I couldn't help but smile at. "Is it that impressive sweetie?" I asked softly.

She nodded at me. "I know it might seem silly to be so in awe over a book, especially after seeing all of the artifacts aunt Cia has in her storage room, but knowing that this is something that literally predates humanity, it is just amazing to behold."

I smiled and wrapped an arm around her waist, letting her examine it as much as she wanted, as well as giving her my own personal code to the Vault so she could research it in her own time and as often as she wanted and needed to.

Alice's POV

That evening Bella and I were taking a relaxing stroll through the garden, which was a nice change of pace for us because usually when we needed to be alone, we would go to our deprivation room, but I felt that something more was bothering Bella besides Victoria and I really wanted to try and help her.

Of course Bella kept insisting that nothing was wrong, but in our bond I felt something was bothering her, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it, and since I knew how stubborn my sister could be, I knew I had to for once be patient with her, which I hoped spending time in the beautiful surroundings of the gardens would help with.

"I know why you brought me out here Ali, because I know you can feel that something is wrong, but I don't know how to tell you." Bella said with a soft smile as she gave my elbow a soft squeeze, acknowledging that she knew why I was being a bit more clingy.

I smiled at her. "Take all the time you need Bella. You know you can tell me absolutely anything. I won't ever judge you."

"I know that, but it's just difficult to talk about. Accepting the things Victoria said forced me to accept some things about myself too. All of the time I've been here I've been avoiding my biggest issue like the plague, and what Victoria said really hit home for me and made me realize that if I really want to move forward in life, I need to deal with those issues, but I can't do it alone. I also know I've got a humongous support system, but there are only four people who can truly help me." She said softly.

I smiled at her as we took as we took a seat. "I will gladly help you with anything you need Bella. What can I do for you?"

She smiled and pulled me into her lap. "In favor of only having to tell this once, I would rather wait with telling everything until we find the time to have everyone together, because I honestly don't think that I can tell this more than once. For now having you close is more than enough."

I smiled and relaxed against her. "You know I will never say no to that. I will never tire of cuddling with you. If I could get away with it I would do that every time we are in the same room together."

She giggled at that. "It's not like we don't do that ninety percent of the time already Ali, and I don't think my mother and aunts will approve of us cuddling together in the Throne Room, and I would also dare say that Jane would also be less than appreciative if I cuddle with you instead of her."

"I know, I was only joking. I will gladly take any opportunity I can get to cuddle with you, with or without clothes." I said with a wink.

Bella smiled and pressed a kiss to my neck. "That I can agree with, because while nothing beats cuddling with Jane, you are a very close second to my mate, which I think is very telling in and of itself."

"It is, and I honestly feel the same. Nothing beats being in Jasper's arms, but there is something irresistible about being in your arms, even more so since you were turned." I said honestly.

"We've always been close, even back in Forks, but ever since we found out that we actually share a bond as sisters it has taken on a whole new level, and I couldn't be happier about that, because I am pretty sure that without you I would've been much more of an emotional wreck then I already am."

I smiled at her and turned around in her lap before nuzzling my nose in her neck in an attempt to reassure her. "We all have our inner demons, Bella, and it is not a weakness to want to confront those at some point. That does not make you an emotional wreck, it just makes you human, even if we are vampires."

She smiled and buried her nose in my neck too, clearly seeking closeness. "I know, but it is just one of those things that I'm ashamed to talk about and I honestly don't know how everyone will react."

"Sometimes you have to take that plunge Bella. Everyone loves you and will do everything in their power to help, and if that starts with being able to get it out, then that will be a great first step. I'm sure if we go ask your mother, your mate and Rosalie right now, they'll drop everything to help you." I said with a soft smile.

"I know, but you know that I don't want to be a bother to anyone." She said softly, and my heart almost broke when I heard her be so insecure, so the only thing that came to mind was to literally sling her over my shoulder while messaging, her mother, mate and Rosalie to meet us in her office.

To my surprise she didn't even protest as I slung her over my shoulder, which I knew must've been a very amusing sight if it wasn't about her being so unsure of herself.

Within minutes I walked up to her office where the others were already waiting, and judging by the look on everyone's faces, they were a bit shocked about how I was manhandling my sister. "Well this is something I never thought I'd see. Is there any reason Bella is on your shoulder like a bag of potatoes?" Rosalie asked with a quirked eyebrow.

I nodded as we entered her office and I sat Bella down on the couch, where Didyme wasted no time at all to pull her daughter into her lap. "I'm worried about her, because it has been so long since I have seen her as insecure as I have seen her just now, and I saw it as the easiest way to get her here so we can all talk."

They nodded as Jane sat as close to Bella as she possibly could, with me and Rosalie next to her on either side, but it was clear that Didyme especially was into the instincts given how she kept nuzzling her daughter's neck.

Bella's POV

I will admit that sitting here now with my mother, mate and sisters was a bit more daunting then I would've expected it to be, but at the same time if comforted me because I knew there wouldn't be any judgment from them.

"What's wrong sweetie. You know you can tell us anything." Didyme said softly.

I smiled at her and relaxed in her ever loving embrace. "I know mother, and I will. I just don't know how to say it."

"We're all here for you, my love. Take all the time you need." Jane said softly.

I nodded and smiled at her before taking an unnecessary breath before I started talking. "As you know Victoria coming here has made me realize a lot of things, most of them negative, but it also forced me to take a very good look at myself and come to terms with issues I've been ignoring for the entire time I've been here. She made me see that she and I are almost exactly alike. I really haven't worked on any of the issues that have been plaguing me, like my anxiety or fear of abandonment. Victoria has made me see that in order to heal from those, I need to move past them, and the only way I know how to do that is by accepting help from the people I know would never judge me."

They all smiled at me as they sat down next to me, except for Rosalie who kneeled down in front of me as she took my hands, and I couldn't help but smile as Didyme pulled me flush against her. "We won't sweetie, not now and not ever. Just tell us what you need and we will move heaven and earth to make it happen." Didyme said softly.

"Let me tell you from personal experience that you are not weak for seeking help with conquering your fears and anxieties Bella. It is going to be difficult because I think I speak for everyone when I say that vampires tend to over-analyze things a lot. We'll be by your side every step of the way." Rosalie said with a soft smile.

I smiled and gave her hands a squeeze. "I know, and I am beyond thankful that you are all willing to help me. I just have no idea on where to start."

"Perhaps we should start with determining where these fears come from, that way we can address each of them individually and get to the bottom of each one." Jane said with a loving smile as she gave my thigh a squeeze.

I nodded at that. "I know, and I know where these fears come from. I just don't know how to put them into words, at least not when it comes to my anxiety. My fear of abandonment comes from my parents and them never being there for me when I needed them, and while I know perfectly well that would never happen again, I can't help but think back on that time in my life."

Didyme smiled and nuzzled my neck before pressing a soft kiss to my neck. "You are right in saying that it would never happen again, but I also know how your mind works. So instead of saying how loved and wanted you are each and every day, I will show you how much we all love you and need you here each and every day for the rest of time, and no matter what happens, I will personally ensure that you will know this every single day."

"I will ensure that you are loved beyond reason Bella, and nothing will stop me from doing that for the rest of time. I can't magically take away those fears, but I will do everything in my power to prove to you that you will be forever loved." Jane said softly.

"Since everyone is promising things, I promise that no matter what happens, I will always stand by your side with whatever you might need, be that a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to vent to if you need it. Your wellbeing always has and will always be one of my top priorities." Rosalie said softly.

I smiled at them as I rested my head on Didyme's shoulder. "And of course I will be by your side no matter what happens, with everything we've shared not only over the last couple of months, but also before we came here I would never contemplate leaving you, you are more than my sister after all." Alice said sweetly.

"Thank you, it means so much to me that you're all willing to just drop everything to help me work through my issues." I said softly.

All four of them smiled at that. "Of course sweetie. A family is always there for each other when someone is feeling sad or lonely. It is not a weakness to ask for help after all." Didyme said sweetly.

"I know mother, but in many ways I am still adjusting to my new life and am still learning to open up to everyone. My heart knows I can trust everyone in this room implicitly, but unfortunately my mind is a bit slow to catch up sometimes. It is certainly not a matter of me not trusting you all with my heart, because I do, implicitly. It rather a matter of me trying to marry my mind and heart." I said softly.

"I can understand that sweetie. Sometimes our gifts can also be a very heavy cross to bear. With nothing but time to think about all of the positives, the negatives are just as easy to focus on, which is exactly why we are so willing to help. Add to that the curse of our blood that makes sure we almost obsessively focus on those negatives. It is unfortunately something we can't help with. Maybe your aunt will know what to do. I'm sure she would be more than willing to help you." Didyme said with a loving smile before pressing a kiss to my cheek.

I couldn't help but smile at her as I cuddled into her, while Jane, Alice and Rosalie stayed close to me for as long as they felt they needed to.