SYASAC
The video begins with a display of a dark room, in which a giant monstrosity born from the death of gods curls about itself, revealing a mouth that could swallow titans whole Before it, a red robed priest of mars prostrates, soon joined by dozens, then hundreds of others, each with offerings. The monster turned and faced the camera and when it spoke the vibrations reached even through the screen.
"Has this ever happened to you?" The gravemind asks. "So, you've accidentally started a cult. What do you do now?"
The screen changes to a chibi tech-priest running towards a similarly chibified gravemind, chittering something in binary. "Things like this happen all the time to extraordinarily powerful beings. You show up and tell someone your ideology and suddenly everyone starts praising you and worshipping you and offering blood sacrifices in your name."
The screen changes again, this time revealing a blindingly bright man clad in mastercraft gold armor with lustrous hair, a black bar hiding his face. "I was all set to bring about a resurgence for (REDACTED FOR ANONYMITY), but then fucking (REDACTED FOR ANONYMITY) got it into his head that I was some kind of god and, well… it all went downhill from there."
The screen cuts back to the gravemind, whose nods are exaggerated by its unusual appearance. "Such things occur all the time. Its important to remember these important rules."
The screen displays the text 'Number 1' in large, bold font, before switching to an evil looking, ten-foot tall genetically enhanced human in black power armor with a wolf pelt over his shoulders. His face too has been covered by a black bar and he appears to be laughing maniacally over the ruins of a large, burning city.
"First, its important to remember that you are not a god." A large tendril suddenly appears and slaps the back of the head of the cackling human, knocking him forward a few feet. "You're just someone who happens to be stronger in certain ways than other people. For example, enhanced strength, intelligence, charisma, cooking, any of these traits may seem god-like in certain quantities, but they are not. Calling yourself a god is reserved for parasites and bastards, not normal people."
The screen displays the text 'Number 2' in large, bold font, before switching to the massive, gold-clad man standing in front of a throng of worshipping masses, an aura of regal, divine majesty surrounding him.
"Secondly, its important how you present yourself to others." The tendril pointed at the man. "Can you spot at least three things this one is doing wrong?"
There was a long a pause.
"The first thing is his physically appearance. By wearing armor that looks like its made of the fire of the sun itself he is implying that he's someone to be looked up to." The gold-clad being crossed his arms. "Next, he is emitting an aura of divinity. Finally-."
"It's satire. I'm wearing the trappings of religion to show how wrong it is!"
"You of all people should know that satire works only maybe fifty percent of the time," The gravemind replied. "And, oh, would you look at that? Fifty percent of your sons turned traitor. That is if you don't count the first two you redacted."
"Oh, shut up you overgrown-."
The screen displayes the text 'Number 3' in large, bold font, before changing to a view into a vast chamber the size of a continent, dominated by a giant cage of living metal, within which a rampaging dragon can be seen roaring incessantly.
"Finally, its important to recognize when you are being mistake for some other god. This is particularly dangerous, as-."
An ear-splitting roar could be heard as the camera's lens cracked from the force of it as the dragon noticed their present and began bashing against its cage. The tendril holding the camera quickly withdrew.
The screen changes one last time, returning to the gravemind.
"Now, one of the most effective methods for ensuring you're not worshipped as a god is simply telling people not to. That works around fifty percent of the time, but it isn't perfect. Sometimes, you will get someone who really wants to praise and worship you as a god. This can be difficult to deal with and sometimes frustrating.
"The thing to remember there is DON'T BLOW UP THEIR FUCKING HOMETOWN TO MAKE A POINT."
The video comes to an end.