***Chapter 61***

**Jason's POV**

The others cleared out of Aria's living room, leaving me alone with Ali. Not exactly where I wanted to be right now. I wasn't sure that she was ready to let our fight end from earlier this week. And if we started up again, I didn't want Aria to be nearby to witness it. Her being in the kitchen was stressing me out, not sure what she'd walk back in to.

Plus it would throw off my plans for the day. I hadn't planned for Ali to be here today, or any of the girls really. I wasn't even really planning to apologize today to them about the NAT club and what I had done to wrong them in the past. But when I showed up and they were all here except Hanna, it felt like the push I needed to finally take the 9th step. I'm not sure if that made it my lucky day or not.

"I'm glad you're alright, Jason." Ali started, immediately throwing me off guard.

That hadn't been what I had expected from her, sure Aria had mentioned she was worried. But Ali never really got worried like that. Or at least she didn't used to. I had fully expected round two, but it seemed like today we were going to reconcile.

"Sorry about worrying you, I hadn't thought of it like that." I tried to explain, taking what Aria had told me into consideration.

I hadn't thought twice about taking off. Knowing that I needed the space to deal with things. But not anticipating Aria's vivid imagination of what could have happened to me. Did Ali have those same fears? Thinking that maybe Charles had abducted me? I wasn't sure exactly where Ali's head was at concerning Charles. Whether she agreed with the rest of us that he was dangerous, and if we wanted to get to know him it needed to be with him in police custody.

"You needed the space. I get it." she shrugged, like she hadn't actually been worried about me. "I should have guessed since you'd done it before. Known that you could handle things."

The reference to the break that I had to take to keep from relapsing while the girls had been missing hurt, it had been a sore spot that I had abandoned my phone and any means of learning if they were okay, or found or anything. That trip hadn't lasted long enough honestly, I had been so anxious to get back that as soon as I could trust myself to be back home without using I went back. Maybe that was why I had almost slipped so easily this time. I was already emotionally raw from everything that had happened, and the things that I still didn't know about.

"I still could have let you know I was okay before taking off like that." It didn't feel right to not accept the blame for worrying them all, I needed to take responsibility for the impact my choices had.

Ali looked thoughtful for a moment, clearly considering what she was about to say. It was like she was flitting through options on how it would come out best. Before she apparently settled and opened her mouth and asked. "You know I didn't mean it, right? I don't think of you like that."

It hurt. Even just her denying that she hadn't meant it brought the feelings of hurt and guilt back. That she could compare me to the monster who was our brother. Put my sins up against his. I had needed to hear it though. Needed to know it was still a thing lingering in the air between us. And I needed to do better. Be better than I was before.

"You weren't entirely wrong though." I countered, when I thought back on what I had done before while I was using, I was disgusted with myself. It made me want to shower off the seeming film that tainted what few memories I still had of that time.

"I was though." Ali cut off any further response I could have made. "The NAT club was gross and cruel. But it wasn't the same thing at all. I shouldn't have compared you to him. I'm sorry."

If I had been drinking my coffee I likely would have choked on it. Ali didn't really apologize. Ever. Sure, she had been better since she came back from prison. But this seemed on a whole other level. Before she had gone missing any apology that I had gotten from her had been a not so subtle dig at me. The fight we had this week had made me think she was going back to her old tried and true habits, the cruelty, the manipulation. She had always known exactly what sore spot to press on. Now, it made me wonder at the work she was putting in to be a different person. To overcome how she used to act. I was scared to trust it. But I wanted to. Hoped that maybe one day we could have closer to a normal brother sister relationship, whatever that looked like.

"Thank you, Ali. That means a lot." I finally responded, feeling awkward and unsure what to say in response to the honesty and maturity she was showing right now.

"Well, I'm gonna get headed home." she changed the subject, clearly as unsure how to continue as me. Her eyes cut in the direction of the kitchen. "You'll be back later?"

"Yeah, Aria and I were gonna go to a couple movies today." I nodded.

A look crossed over her face, something between irritation and annoyance. But it was too quick to see what it had meant. Maybe me spending time with Aria was really bothering her, she hadn't seemed okay with it before. But I didn't know how to stop. Didn't know how to shut down the fear I felt when I didn't hear from her. Or the relief I got when she was nearby. I wanted Aria safe, just like I wanted Spencer and Ali safe. Maybe not quite the same, but with an intensity that I didn't want to think about. If I was being honest with myself, I didn't have the same irrational fear that Ali or Spencer would disappear if I didn't see them. Or get the same relief from holding either of them.. Aria needed space still. And I would give her all the space she wanted. If that was the trade off for seeing her posture ease or watching her drift off to sleep then I would happily accept it.

Ali gave a goodbye before heading out the front door, leaving me alone in Aria's living room. It was only after the door closed that Aria reemerged from the kitchen. She looked around at the empty living room before settling her gaze on me.

"Ali headed out then?" she asked, though the answer was obvious.

"Yeah, she's got some things to do back at the house." I answered, despite Ali not saying anything about it, she always had something to do since she had turned into mom 2.0.

"Were you waiting in the kitchen until she left?" I teased lightly, already knowing the answer.

She gave a shrug before settling down onto the couch, curling up in that way of hers. Her legs were tucked up, with one in front of her chest so she could rest her head on her knee with her hands. I wondered if it was because she was cold, despite the long sleeves and jeans that she was wearing. In May, despite the sunny weather.

"I wanted to let you have your space." she replied, keeping her eyes fixed on me. "I wasn't actually sure which one of you would be here when I walked back in."

"We did have movie plans today." I reminded her, testing the waters if she was still interested. "That is if you're still up for it."

Her face broke into a smile, eyes lighting up with the brightness of it. My heart kicked at the sight, that spending a day with me was something that made her light up like that. At least for me the movies were definitely just a benefit, the main thing was spending the day with her.

"I am if you are. What time is the first movie?" her head tilted to the side slightly with curiosity.

"There's one at 12:10." I answered, looking at my watch. It was a little after 11am now. The festival had actually started over an hour ago, but I didn't know if I wanted to watch Eyes Wide Shut with Aria, so it seemed alright to miss that one.

"Let's go." she didn't even ask what movie it was, maybe she was really a Kubrick fan. I had looked over the titles, some I had seen before, others I had never heard of. "You up for driving?"

"Yeah, I can do that. I'll go check in with the patrol. Meet you at the car?" I was already moving towards my jacket on the coatrack when she nodded.

I figured she had some things to take care of, the usual girl stuff that I was used to Ali doing before she headed anywhere. More than the standard: phone, wallet, keys check that I went through before heading out the door. So I headed towards the patrol car parked at the curb. Taking Aria out of Rosewood had seemed a lot easier when we had initially made plans. I was expecting at least some push back from the officers considering the last time she had left with me, we had lied to the cops and gone to meet Charles. But that didn't change the fact that sometimes she needed to get out. Away from the eyes constantly watching her. Or at least the best she could, knowing there was undoubtedly still someone always watching. It had to be suffocating having so many eyes on her all the time. It was all in the name of safety, but it didn't seem worth it. Not when she had told us that Charles had still managed to break into her room, with the cops parked on the curb. I shook the thought from my head, not wanting to get into those feelings again.

"Hey, I wanted to check in. Aria and I are going to head to a movie festival in Philly." I started with the cop as soon as he rolled down his window. I wasn't going to take no for an answer, so why bother asking permission.

"Tanner wants a patrol car nearby Ms. Montgomery." he tried to argue.

"Then call her and we'll let her know where to station the car." I wanted to be reasonable, it was lucky that I hadn't gotten called in for questioning after going to meet Charlie. My statement at the scene had seemingly been enough, but it would make sense for Tanner to call me in if I kept pushing too hard. Some payback for not going along with their plans.

I watched as the cop grabbed his phone and after a minute he began talking. He paused for a moment, clearly listening to whatever she was saying. At least, I assumed it was Tanner that he was talking to. It seemed strange that he wasn't just using the radio, but maybe they were doing something different for security reasons. I wasn't sure that I wanted all of Rosewood PD to know where we were going to be. So him reporting in via phone seemed a step in the right direction at least.

"What theater is it? And what times?" the officer asked after a moment.

"Philly Movie house. It goes all day. But I'm not sure when we'll leave." I hadn't gone over what movies were showing when with Aria, so wasn't sure what all she wanted to see.

He relayed my answer to Tanner, and listened for a moment to the response. His mouth tight as he nodded, before replying audibly. He ended the call and turned back to look at me. "Do you have Tanner's contact info?"

I thought for a moment, she had given me her card at some point. And when she had I probably hadn't had any intention of ever calling her. Between everything that had gone on with Ali and the girls, and my own below board past, reaching out to the police wasn't exactly my first instinct. I pulled out my wallet, checking to see if maybe I had put it there anyway. Sure enough, tucked between an insurance card and an old hotel key was a business card from Rosewood Police. I double checked that it was Tanner's and not an old one from Wilden.

"Yeah, I've got it." I flashed the card towards the patrol officer.

"Tanner said for you to give her a call when you're ready to leave, so they can pull the escort off. She's getting a car sent out to be in the neighborhood of the theater." he explained.

"Great." I took that as permission enough and moved towards my car.

Aria was just coming out of the house, a large bag slung over her shoulder. One of her bigger purses probably. I gave the bag a look, wondering if Aria was planning to sneak snacks into the theater. I figured with it being an all day thing, we'd end up getting something at the theater, more than just popcorn and drinks.

"I threw a blanket in, just in case it's cold." she explained, noticing my look as she moved around to the passenger side of the car.

"Gotcha, if you want my jacket's in the back." I hooked a thumb towards the backseat, where my usual leather jacket that I had leant her several times already sat.

I watched the shy smile on her face grow, maybe from embarrassment that it was almost like a routine for us now. That she was the reason my jacket was even in the car, the weather had been warm enough lately that I was comfortable without it.

"I don't want to always need to borrow your jacket." she answered, a faint blush rising on her face.

"No worries. It's yours if you want it though if you change your mind." I offered, not wanting to press her, but making sure she knew that it wasn't a bother.

"Careful, I might steal it and never give it back." her voice turned teasing as we drove out of her neighborhood.

"Done." I announced, keeping an eye on her even as I drove so I could watch the way her mouth popped open in surprise.

"I'm not gonna steal your jacket, Jason." she protested.

"Oh, is my jacket not good enough for you now." I joked, knowing she wouldn't take it too seriously.

From the corner of my eye, I watched as she rolled her eyes and gave her head a little shake. Brushing the whole thing off. It was nice to see her so at ease. And wasn't something I thought we could manage this early into the day. She seemed to be pushing past everything going on with Charles surprisingly well. I wondered at the healthiness of that compartmentalization for a second, before pushing it back down. She seemed genuinely happy, and that should be enough for now.

"What's the first movie today anyway?" she redirected.

"Full Metal Jacket." I informed, it had been one of the ones that I'd heard of before, though I hadn't watched it.

"So are you a big Kubrick fan?" she questioned after a moment.

"Not really." I answered with a shrug. "I've only seen The Shining and Clockwork Orange."

"Are you sure you're up for this then? I wouldn't exactly call his movies comfort watches."

That explained the question then. I hadn't really looked too deeply into him as a director. The couple I had seen were good, but admittedly darker pieces. I doubted it would bother me too much. And I was excited to experience something new with her. And the idea of spending a few hours in the dark next to Aria, seemed like a world away from anything to do with Charles.

"That's alright with me. So long as it's alright with you." I turned the question, seeing her nod. "Why do you ask?"

She twisted in her seat, so her back was to her car door and she could look over at me. I glanced her way at the movement, before returning my eyes to the road. She seemed to be scrutinizing me.

"I was just a little worried." she started before pausing. "I guess I didn't really know how much you were still struggling."

That made a lot more sense. I let out an ah sound, acknowledging the front that I had been putting up. I didn't want to worry her. And my issues were normally something that I kept between me and my sponsor. My family hadn't exactly been the best at supporting me through things in the past. So it made sense to keep it separate. Even now, I knew that Aria had a bunch of other stuff that she was dealing with. It didn't feel fair for me to put more on her.

"It comes and goes." I admitted. "Some days are worse than others."

I saw her nodding along. Like she understood. But her gaze seemed far away, like she was considering bringing something up. I wanted to be open with Aria, there was just so much shame and guilt entwined with addiction for me. It made it hard for me to talk about, since it fed into the issues with the NAT club. I wanted to put it all behind me, but knew that's not what I was supposed to be doing right now. I should be dealing and working on communication, instead of pushing it all down again.
"What?" I finally asked, not sure where exactly she wanted to take this.

"Spencer doesn't have a sponsor." the sentence seemed so disconnected that it sounded like nonsense.

I took a moment to recalibrate, turning the sentence over in my head to get it in a train of thought that made sense. "Yeah she does, that Dean guy."

I don't know why I argued, but it was one of the things that Spencer and I had talked about in the past. There was clearly some genetic component for our addictions. She had been irritated that her parents didn't trust her to the extent of having a sober coach living with them for a while. It wasn't ideal to have a sponsor assigned like that, instead of by a genuine connection between people at meetings.

"No, he cut things off recently. Said he couldn't be her sponsor anymore." she explained after a moment.

"Huh, he must have had a good reason then."

Spencer hadn't told me too much about him. And what she had shared wasn't what I would have considered ideal. I wouldn't have felt comfortable sharing anything with someone that made me do urine tests regularly. That was strictly rehab stuff for me.

"Apparently wanting to make a move on her." Aria sounded bitter, I glanced over to see frustration clear on her face.

"That's definitely a good reason then. You don't want to get that stuff mixed together." I tried to defuse the situation, she was obviously upset on Spencer's behalf.

I half wondered when this had happened, that Spencer hadn't mentioned anything to me. It must have been while I was gone. I'd have to check in with her after the movies tonight, see if she needed help finding another sponsor or another group. I wasn't quite so well versed in the groups for uppers, my own experience being almost exclusively in blocking out pain and losing control.

"Maybe you could be her sponsor?" I tuned back in to Aria's question.

"That's not a good idea." I shut it down, probably quicker than she would appreciate.

"Why not? I mean who else could she be open with if not you?"

"A number of reasons." I sighed, realizing that I was going to have to get into it. "First and foremost that I'm her brother. That doesn't exactly give me a lot of ability for perspective."

"Not to mention, we don't have similar experiences with using. Sure our actual stressors are the same, but they trigger different needs for us. So what works for me dealing with things, probably wouldn't work for Spencer."

I didn't really want to mention that I wasn't secure in my own sobriety. It seemed blatantly obvious to me that I was struggling. But I had been hiding that from Aria and Spencer. Ali had probably seen more than the others, just from living with me. It wasn't exactly a source of pride to almost relapse. Adding on supporting someone else, especially someone so close to me, would likely send me spiralling.

"And I've never been a sponsor before, I don't really have the sobriety success to really share."

She stayed silent when I finished, hopefully just thinking over what I said. And not wanting to back out of our plans for the day. It worried me that I was letting her down like this. I wanted to help Aria. Just like I wanted to help Spencer. And if I thought that it would help her, I would easily give up my own well-being. Which was probably the first red flag that it would be dangerous to help Spencer like that.

"I can help her find support though." I tried to reassure her.

I wasn't going to let Spencer go through this alone. I knew what that was like.

***End Chapter***

Hey all, hope you like this one. Let me know what you think.