CHAPTER 5 – Send In the Clowns

RING! RING!

A low, guttural groan stirred from within a cocoon of cottony blankets and sheets. Like a creature rising from a trench, a human hand emerged from the depths of the mattress. Through the clutter on the nightstand, the seemingly disembodied appendage fumbled its way across the surface until grazing a protruding antenna attached to the end of a cordless phone. Wrapping its pink-tipped fingers around the culprit of the incessant buzzing, it dragged the offensive object back into the abyss of bedding from which the hand came.

"Mmm…'ello," a groggy voice emanated from beneath the covers.

"Oh no, Honey, I'm so sorry," a voice lamented. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Sookie?"

"Yeppers," Sookie chirped. "It's just me. Nobody's heard a peep from you since Rory's party, so thought I'd call and check in. You doing okay?"

Lorelai slowly opened her eyes, squinting to adjust to the brightness of the golden morning light slicing through the gaps of her bedroom curtains. "I'm alive and kicking, and by kicking I mean breathing but barely moving."

"Well, that's a start at least. Have you heard from Rory?"

"Yea, she called after she got checked into her hotel and we've texted back and forth a little. It's early, but so far she seems good. She went to dinner last night with a couple of other journalists who just joined the campaign press corps."

"Work colleagues are very important. I mean, where would Bernstein be without Woodward?"

"Probably mopping the floors at the Watergate Hotel with Deep Throat."

On the other end of the line, Sookie let out a little giggle. "So, when can we expect to see her articles appear on that website?"

Lorelai groaned as she reached an arm out and stretched her muscles awake. "She hits the ground running with her first assignment today. Obama's scheduled to attend some community center groundbreaking ceremony in Sioux City and Rory's covering it."

"Aw, that's great. Remind me to print out a copy of the article once it's published so I can share it with my little nuggets. Davey and Martha will love snuggling up in their PJ's and listening to a bedtime story written by their Auntie Rory."

"Sook, I know Rory possesses a unique ability to breathe life into even the most mundane topics, but there's no way a news story about a politician's campaign appearances would top any toddler's reading list. Unless, of course, their real father is Alex P. Keaton."

"Ooh, maybe we can find them little Obama lunch boxes to take to daycare," Sookie added with a little laugh. "Jackson and I sometimes read the kids news articles to get them to go to sleep at night. If the kiddo's are really bouncing off the walls from a good ol' fashioned sugar high, we've been known to call on those turkeys at the Wall Street Journal to be their tryptophan. You'd get more flavor from a cardboard box than that newspaper."

"Well, aren't you just a walking encyclopedia of parenting hacks?"

"I'm no Mary Poppins, but I try. So, how are you doing?"

After a fleeting pause, Lorelai replied, "I'm okay-ish," as she sat up and gently stroked the head of the furry pup beside her. "I was reading online that a good way to combat empty nest syndrome is to take up a hobby. So, since The Great Gilmore Roller Coaster Challenge has been canceled, and I have six whole weeks to kill this summer, I think I'm gonna try submerging myself into some type of crazy, obscure pastime."

"I hear a lot of people nowadays are geocaching."

"Engaging in a game of hide-and-seek with a Tupperware container out in the middle of nowhere is the last thing I want to do. However, I have narrowed down my short list of potential new hobbies to …" she dramatically paused for a beat, then continued, "Competitive air guitar or cheese rolling …for the edible perk, of course."

"Well, at least now you'll have your own personal cheerleader, no matter how bizarre your new hobby is," Sookie remarked with a teasing lilt in her voice.

Lorelai, clad in Luke's green flannel, wrapped an arm protectively around her chest and cautiously continued, "Unless you're planning on breaking out the Toni Basil pom-poms and megaphone, I have no idea who you'd be referring to."

"Oh Honey, everyone knows Luke was at your house all day yesterday …" Sookie cleared her throat. "And all night."

"And when you say everyone, you mean …"

"That kiss in front of the diner has become the leading story of today's gossip column in the Stars Hollow Gazette."

"Oh boy," Lorelai groaned, dropping her chin to her chest. "I'm sure that little vein in Luke's neck is so inflated right about now, it's probably about to burst into a full-blown party balloon."

"The diner was packed tighter than brown sugar in a measuring cup when I drove by earlier to drop my little cupcakes off at daycare." Sookie added, then pressed forward with a touch of apprehension, "So …you guys are back together, right? Please tell me that you two are back together."

"Sookie …" Lorelai groaned.

"Aw, don't make me find out by reading the gossip column to Davey and Martha as their bedtime story tonight."

Lorelai let out a moan as she swung her long legs over the side of the bed and struggled to rise to her feet. "Honestly, I don't know what's going on, but I do know that I'd prefer that Luke and I figure that out on our own first, before the town passes out the pink and blue ribbons again."

"You've always known that Stars Hollow is a place where gossip is the main course and privacy is rarely on the menu."

"Even without the town meddling, this whole thing is as confusing as navigating the plot of Twin Peaks. Luke and I have so much history, and as much as I'd love to Greg Louganis right back into a relationship, I'm starkly reminded of just how our last Olympics run ended."

"Don't you think he's learned his lesson?"

Pushing open the bedroom curtains, a cascade of natural light flooded the room as Lorelai explained, "You'd think that after our first break up he would've learned to skip the broken record part, but here we are. I don't wanna get into another relationship with Luke having to live in fear of the 'See Ya Later' button that he conveniently activates whenever things get a little bumpy."

"Well, look on the bright side, unless there's a secret Love Child Club that we're not aware of, I doubt Luke has any more hidden kids."

"I'm not planning on any plot twists this time, and honestly, if any do occur, trusting Luke to be upfront with me feels like trusting a used car salesman with my credit score."

"In all fairness, he's probably hoping the soufflé won't collapse when it comes to getting back into a relationship with you too."

"That's probably true," Lorelai replied, smiling as she noted the neatly folded green t-shirt and sweatpants on the chair. "We said we'd talk more today about where our heads are concerning …whatever this is. You know, as much as my brain is waving red flags, my heart's too busy doing cartwheels to even notice. He was so sweet yesterday. Him being here again, in my kitchen, on my couch, in my bed …everything felt so right, so natural. Well …" she added, padding into the bathroom, "It did after an initial bout of awkwardness."

"I knew it!" Sookie exclaimed. "The minute he came to the inn and asked me to make the pies for that party, I just knew that it would only be a matter of time before the two of you fully reconciled." After a brief pause, Sookie continued in a playful, sing-song tone, "So …how was it?"

"How was what?"

"The fireworks show! Was it like a steady light spectacle …slow and mesmerizing? Or was it more like the grand finale where everything explodes all at once?"

"Oh my god, Sook …" she groaned, tossing her towel over the shower curtain rod. "Things with Luke are complicated enough, I don't think another layer of complexity needs to be added to our situation just yet. I have the feeling that this relationship is gonna be more like a slow-burning candle, if that. So, don't expect any fireworks until at least the Fourth of July."

"How about June twenty-third?"

"What's June twenty-third?"

"Oh, don't you worry your little heart about that," Sookie said, brushing off her comment and swiftly shifting gears. "Okay, so you two are taking your time and rediscovering your feelings for one another. That's probably the responsible thing to do, even if it's a bit boring for your adoring fans."

"Well, everything is still on the table for discussion, but as I see it, this is the most promising path forward." Her face broke into a smile as she spotted Luke's deodorant, toothbrush, and tube of stripped toothpaste sitting in their old spot on the vanity shelf. "Listen, Hun, I know that patching up the quilt that is Luke and Lorelai might sound as easy as sliding on a pair of leg warmers, but in reality, I think this is gonna be more like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube."

"I think it's good that you guys are taking it slow and trying to get it right this time. It's like marinating a good piece of meat, time helps the flavors seep in and makes it all the more delicious when it does happen. But, um …I will be the first to know when the fireworks do go off, right?"

An amused puff of air escaped Lorelai's lips. "Consider yourself on the exclusive post-coital notification list."

"Okie-dokie, artichokey," Sookie sang. "I better go check on Manny. I left him in charge of stirring the tomato sauce, and I swear if he adds anymore salt I'll -"

"Sookie, don't you dare drive that very patient man to the help wanted ads. We're really gonna rely on him to pick up the slack while you're out on maternity leave."

"Slack, schmack …if he cuts the prime rib before it's had a chance to rest I'll -"

"Bye Sookie, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Take it easy, lemon squeezy!"

After a quick shower, Lorelai slipped into her favorite jeans and a black t-shirt with a picture of Debbie Harry screenprinted on the front. After pulling her hair back in a low ponytail, she slid into a pair of leather flip flops and gave herself a final check in the mirror. Ready to start her day, she bounded down the stairs with Paul Anka trotting by her side.

At the bottom of the steps, the scruffy canine sped to the front door. "Listen, Buddy, you know the drill. Coffee first, bathroom break second. Your walk can wait until I've had my caffeine fix," Lorelai called over her shoulder, darting into the kitchen and heading straight for the coffee maker.

To her surprise a post-it note was stuck to the front of the coffee maker. 'Just push start,' it read in Luke's block lettering print. Lorelai's lips curved into a smile as the unintended meaning of those words danced in her mind. Wishing that a fresh start with Luke could be as easy as simply pressing a button, she found herself lost in her thoughts until the doorbell's chime snapped her back to reality.

Paul Anka's barks filled the house as Lorelai turned the corner and entered the foyer. She clipped the pink rhinestone leash to Paul Anka's collar and grasped the handle. With a pull, she opened the front door. To her surprise, she found Zack Van Gerbig standing on her porch, earbuds in his ears and a Luke's takeout bag hanging from his hand.

With a radiant smile, Lorelai welcomed the young rocker as he tugged a single earbud from his ear. "Well, this is a surprise. What's up, Zack?"

"Hey, Lorelai! Boss shirt," he said, nodding at her Blondie tee as he handed her the bag. "Luke wanted me to deliver this to you."

"Wow!" She pressed her hand against her chest. "Vapor Rub's lead guitarist is bringing me breakfast? My fifteen-year-old self is swooning right now."

Eyes averted, Zack's cheeks reddened as he fiddled with his earbud. "So, uh, have you heard from Rory yet?"

"Yep, she's fully legit now with her press credentials and ready to crush her first official assignment today. I'll definitely let her know you were asking about her."

"Cool and I'll totally let Lane know she made it to Idaho."

"Iowa," Lorelai corrected as she placed the takeout bag on the foyer table. With the leash looped around her wrist, she fished a ten-dollar bill from her purse and offered it to Zack.

Zack's eyes widened at the sight of the cash. "No way, dude… err, Lorelai." He shook his head. "Luke said he'd can me if I took money for the food."

"Oh Zach, you should know by now, Luke has the attitude of Lemmy Kilmister but he's really more of a Ringo Starr." She folded the bill and tucked it into the pocket of Zack's button-down shirt. "This Hamiliton isn't for the food, it's for the ice cream that you're going to buy Lane and yourself the next time you take the twins for a walk."

"Right on! Thanks, Lorelai. That's totally rad of you."

"So, when do you head out on tour?"

"We're hitting the tour circuit next month, but rehearsals kick off in like, two weeks. Pulling all the shifts I can at the diner to stack some cash until the gigs start rollin' in the dough. I'm just doing whatever I can think of to make things easier for Lane because I'm …ya know -"

"Worried about Lane and the boys?" Lorelai tilted her head to the side, her warm smile aimed at Zack as he nodded. "Oh, Honey, you know this entire town will come together to help her with anything she needs."

"Which is totally awesome, and Lane's mom is gonna be a huge help. Brian even offered to move back in while I was gone, but, you know …I'm still gonna -"

"Worry?"

Zack drew in a deep breath, then exhaled with a shaky, 'Yeah.' Quickly changing the topic, he continued, "Yo, Luke wanted me to tell you to make sure you gave the bag a quick check before you split from the house today and he also wanted me to ask if you needed anything?"

"Well, I suppose if I'm to check the bag before leaving, I'm gonna need a dog walker before Paul Anka crosses his hind legs," Lorelai quipped, brandishing Paul Anka's sparkly leash.

"I can take the shaggy dude for a stroll."

"Oh, Zack, I was just joking. You know me, comedy runs in my veins. I'll say just about anything for a laugh."

"It's really no problemo, Lorelai," he insisted, prying the leash from her grasp. "Walking the pooch is the perfect chance for me to vibe out to the new Wilco album."

"Well, if you insist, but fair warning, Paul Anka is a tad quirky about walking down the porch steps, so you'll need to carry him. Also, he prefers to do his business behind a bush. It's a privacy thing …the bigger the bush the better," she explained before mumbling under her breath, "And that sounded very dirty."

"I got this, Lorelai. We'll ace this walk and be back faster than Zakk Wylde can thrash a riff," he said, jamming the bud in his ear before scooping up Paul Anka and cruising down the steps.

With Zack and Paul Anka off on their walk, Lorelai closed the front door and hurried into the kitchen with takeout bag in hand. Sitting at the table with her Central Perk mug brimming with coffee, she delved into the bag. Upon finding two cherry cheese danishes, she noticed a folded note from Luke's order pad nestled at the bottom. Unfolding the paper, she grinned at the words, 'Morning. Call me,' written in pencil.

"Three words," she huffed. "The great authors of yesteryear may rest in peace knowing that one, Lucas Danes, won't be usurping their literary crowns," she mumbled, the smile persisting as she grabbed the cordless phone from the kitchen table and dialed the diner.

Behind the counter, Luke snatched the ringing phone from the wall and slapped an order ticket in the window. "Order in, Caesar!" he yelled. "Still waiting on a western omelet with rye toast!"

"Few more minutes, Boss," Caesar's voice echoed from the kitchen.

"It's an omelet not beef bourguignon. What's taking so damn long?" Luke grumbled, gripping the phone to his ear. "Luke's!" he barked into the handset, grabbing the coffee pot from the burner.

"Well, good morning to you too, Mr. Rogers." Lorelai chuckled. "I'm guessing that it's not such a beautiful day in your neighborhood."

"Oh, hey," Luke replied, his tone instantly mellowing while he topped off the mugs on the counter. "Can you hang on a minute?"

"If I must," Lorelai replied before silence fell over the line. While waiting, she nibbled on a piece of danish, savoring each chew with a content expression on her face.

Aware that all eyes were on him, Luke furtively glanced around the diner. Conveniently captivated by their coffee mugs, the patrons subtly avoided Luke's glare as he stretched the phone cord to its limit and slipped into the storeroom. With one last wary glimpse at the seemingly engrossed diners, he murmured, "Alright, I'm back," and closed the door behind him.

A smile crept across Lorelai's face as she realized the din of the diner had faded. "Ooh, is this a storeroom discussion?" she quipped while chewing her pastry. "Must be something major."

"Nah, it's just pretty loud out there," he replied, taking a seat on a wooden crate. "So, you sleep okay?"

"I slept like Sleepy Dwarf after a long day in the mines. How about you, Grumpy?"

"I slept fine except when your freezing feet found their way over to my feet. I still don't understand why you don't wear socks to bed."

"Socks in bed?" Lorelai scoffed. "My feet would sweat and I'd kick them off anyway. So, your choice …cold feet or clammy feet?"

"Is no feet on my feet an option?"

"Hey, you sleep with me, Buddy, you're stuck with me. Undead feet and all."

An amused puff of air escaped Luke's lips as he shifted gears, "So, how are you holding up today? You know, with all the wallowing and whatnot."

"I'm …" she paused to contemplate her emotional state for a brief moment before replying with a mostly confident, "Okay."

With a skeptical arch of his eyebrow, Luke asked, "So, where does that 'okay' land on the 'okay' spectrum?"

"Scale of one to ten?"

"Unless you'd rather use letters."

"Umm …" She took a swig from her mug. "I'd say I'm a solid seven. I was meandering around a five until a delightful danish delivery with a secret note pushed me to a six."

Curiosity piqued, Luke leaned over and propped his elbows on his knees. "So, what gotcha to a seven?"

"Well, I do have a cup of your coffee in my hand."

"Oh, please," he scoffed. "You're not that easy to satisfy."

"True," she admitted. "But chatting with you now might be giving me that extra nudge to lucky number seven."

"Good to know," Luke replied, cheeks flushing as a slight smile twisted his lips. "Any tips on how I can getcha to an eight?"

"I don't know," she replied in a playful tone. "You have something in mind?"

"I may. Got any plans this afternoon?"

"Hmm." She popped another piece of danish in her mouth. "I may be able to squeeze you in somewhere between adopting a pet rock and making preparations for the zombie apocalypse."

"One o'clock okay? I gotta get Beavis and Butthead through the lunch rush and then I'll be over to pick you up."

Recalling her chat with Sookie, a playful gleam lit up Lorelai's eyes. "Actually, I gotta grab a few things at Doose's. Why don't I just meet you at the diner?"

"No!" he exclaimed. "You can't just show up here."

"Oh?!" she gasped, feigning surprise. "Why? What's going on?"

"What's going on? Oh, I'll tell you what's going on, Lorelai. We're the ones going on, that's what! They're all waiting for you to show up so they can gawk at …hell, I don't even know what! This whole damn town has lost its marbles!" Luke sprang to his feet, launching into a fiery tirade. "They've been squatting here all morning like they're front row at a circus sideshow. Their beady eyes have been glued to my every move like I'm The Elephant Man, reincarnated. And it's not just here …" He stormed back and forth between the shelves lining the storeroom walls. "Over at Taylor's, it's a full-on carnival. They've surrounded the window like I'm the main act in a three-ring circus. Clowns everywhere, jugglers ready to pop out, and the only thing missing are the tightrope walkers and unicyclist. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the Bearded Lady shows up for the lunch special! I swear, it's like I'm the ringmaster in a madhouse. This place is turning into a zoo, and you and I are the tutu wearing chimpanzees that everyone's come to stupidly stare at!"

"Everyone says I have a flair for drama, yet you're the one with the Oscar-worthy rants."

"Oh, don't think you're safe from the freak show," he ranted on, "Just wait until they load themselves up on the short bus and take a field trip to the inn. I'm talking acrobats somersaulting through the lobby, fire breathers lighting up the halls, and lion tamers corralling guests. So, for your own safety, I hope you're not planning on going into work today."

"No, not today." She chuckled. "But, I gotta head in tomorrow, mostly to make sure Sookie doesn't fire Manny. Oh, and I gotta sort out what to do with my three new hires."

"You're kidding!" Luke blurted out, his cap-covered head jerking back in surprise. "Three new hires?! Business must be good if you're increasing your staff by almost a third."

"Well …" She took another swing from her mug. "I usually bring on two seasonal employees for the summer. Plus, I hired Kayla for full-time front desk duty to cover for me while I was on my six-week roller coaster tour with Rory." A melancholic sigh escaped her lips remembering the cancelled trip. "Honestly, the more I'm hearing about Ringingling Brothers taking the town by storm, a vacation far, far away is sounding even more appealing." She stuffed another piece of danish in her mouth. "Hey, what do ya say we ditch the circus and go see Carhenge?"

"You mean Stonehenge."

"I mean Carhenge. Similar to Stonehenge, but made out of cars, somewhere in the middle of Nebraska. While we're at it, we should probably just scoot on over to Wyoming to check out Boathenge. Let's make it a North American 'henge' tour. Fridgehenge is up next, and boom, we'll have hit the 'henge trifecta'!"

"You're 'un-henged', you know that?"

"Come on, Hun, you can't honestly tell me you wouldn't want to go 'henging' with me. I mean think about it …an epic, quirky adventure, with the quirkist woman you know to see even quirkier monuments. How could one say 'no' to that?"

"You know …" he began with a heavy sigh. "Right now, you could probably ask me to join you for a week-long Hello Kitty glitter festival, complete with tiaras, sparkle rides on giant swans, and tea parties with talking kittens, and I'd be upstairs trying to figure out how the hell to pack a portable bubble machine in my suitcase."

Lorelai's eyes sparkled with delight. "And with that, Sir, you've just bumped me up to a seven-point-five on the 'okay' spectrum."

"Happy to be your official 'okay' bumper …upper," he said with a hint of a cringe.

"So …" She finished the final sip of her coffee and smoothly segued. "What's the wardrobe game-plan for this afternoon?"

"Jeans and flat shoes. And just to save you the trouble of asking ...there's zero exceptions to the shoe rule."

"Aww, but I just got these adorable new platform wedges with the cutest little bows on the -"

"Unless you're aiming to make crutches your next accessory, save the wedges for another day."

"Crutches, huh? So there's a dash of danger to today's itinerary," she surmised, gathering up the remains of her Danish. "You've officially piqued my curiosity, Mister."

"So, I'll see you at one?"

A gentle swarm of butterflies fluttered in Lorelai's stomach as her lips curled into a dreamy smile. "Looking forward to it," she replied, hesitating a moment before pressing the 'end' button on the cordless.

Wearing a crooked grin, Luke's eyes lingered on the phone as the dial tone echoed in his hand. With a shake of his head, he snapped himself out of his lovestruck daze and headed for the exit. Luke curled his fingers around the door handle and braced himself to be met by the probing eyes of the clowns packing the diner. Then, in one fluid motion, he swung the door open.

At that very moment, Kirk Gleason, eavesdropping with an orange juice glass pressed to the door, stumbled and face-planted into the storeroom.

Luke glared at the snoop sprawled on the floor and shook his head in disbelief. "Geez, when Carhenge feels like a mental wellness retreat, you know this town has gone completely bonkers."