Chapter 3: We Can't Bury the Truth Forever

Taiga sat up in her bed, the banket around her, her arms wrapped around the back of her legs and her head buried in her knees. Why does it always have to turn out like this? She thought. Why does it always end up with me being alone? She was feeling annoyed at herself. She'd gone and gotten into a big fight with her mother, and Ryuuji had intervened. But then he'd had to go, and she had been left all alone. Now it was just her and her thoughts, and she didn't like them. the one good thing about all the chaos was that it had kept her busy enough to keep all those awkward, horrible, thoughts and bay. But now they were coming back in force. He knows, doesn't he? He knows that I love him. it wasn't really a dream, no matter how much I want to believe it. it was. No wonder he had just left her, was the feeling that Taiga had. After all she couldn't realistically expect him to be able to deal with that, could she? He was in love with Minori, after all, and now thew pathetic burden of a woman that had latched onto him was proclaiming her love for him.

She had made him cook her meals, do her dished, and now, just like another hamper full of dirty laundry, she had handed over this big pile of disgusting, heavy feelings, and expected him to deal with those as well.

Tears started to well up in her eyes. "Ryuuji" she said quietly to herself. That deep aching pain in her heart started to creep up in her again. It was like Christmas all over again. Could she really be strong anymore? Could she really push this genie back into the bottle.

"Hey… Taiga" Ryuuji's voice came to her gently. Her head sprang u and snapped her head to the left, coming face to face with him.

"Ryu… Ryuuji?" the words escaped her lips so softly, it was barely audible. A tear fell, rolling down her face.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, genuinely confused. "I thought visiting hours were over? Hey! Don't do anything that will get you in trouble! You know—

"It's ok." He said. "The nurse said I could stay with you."

"Oh" she said, relaxing a little.

"Yeah. she thought I'd be a calming presence for you so it's ok."

Taiga chuckled a little at that. "I don't know if that's the case, after all" she mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Nothing, you… mutt" she could barely say these things anymore, and they no longer had any impact. It really is over, isn't it? she thought. no going back. Will it be possible to move forward?

She sighed deeply. Ryuuji started to chuckle.

"What?" she said, getting a little of her venom back.

"Nothing, nothing, it's just…"

"Well? Out with it!"

"You kind of sound like her when you sigh."

"Oi. "Careful now. I'm not sure if there's any spare hospital beds for you."

"Sorry, sorry" he said, still chuckling. "It's just too uncanny."

"Hrmm" she grumbled, looking down at her knees again.

"Listen, Ryuuji…" but she was cut off by the sound of her own stomach doing its familiar trademark growl. "Ughh… I'm hungry."

"I thought you might be" he said, pulling a package of curry-flavoured Cup Noodles out of a plastic bag. "I think there's some boiling water over there, huh? I'll make them for you."

"Thanks" she said simply. He got up and went over to the little counter, where there was a boiling water jug along with some tea and coffee. He opened the package and put the sachets into it, before filling it with the boiling water. He started rambling about how clean the counter was, something about how great the standards in hospitals were. She smiled as she watched him making it for her. It was strange – how he knew all these things about her. Like how she always liked her noodles to be a little on the saucier side, rather than too brothy. Had she ever actually told him that? She knew she hadn't, nor had he ever asked her about it. And yet, every time he made her cup noodles, he filled his up to the line on the package, but hers only just came up to the noodles.

Who else would even know that about me? She thought. Or… not even that but, more like… who else would even think to register something like that in their brain? It was as if Ryuuji had some sort of file on her, some system of data collection. There were brief moments were she allowed herself the luxury of thinking that such acts must mean something more, that maybe there was some possibility, some chance… but they were quickly eradicated. No no no, that's ridiculous. Without fail, she'd push them down. That's just the kind of person he is.

"Here you go," he said, pulling her out of her thoughts as he returned with the noodles. He placed the disposable chopsticks on top of the lid, keeping the upturned paper down in order to help them cook.

"Thanks" she said, her thoughts far away.

"Careful with them, they're hot" he said automatically.

"I know that!" she said, getting indignant. "I just saw you put boiling water in a Styrofoam cup thirty seconds ago, didn't I? I know that much at least…"

"Sorry" he said lightly. "Force of habit, I guess?"

"Hey, Ryuuji" she said, lifting the edge of the paper lid and peering in to confirm her suspicions.

"Yeah?"

"Why do you only fill the water in my cup up to the noodle part?"

"Huh?" what a strange question, he thought.

"Why do you only fill up to the noodles when you make mine? Normally people fill up to that line on the cup, right?

"What are you talking about?"

"Noo. Dles. Are you listening?" He could see her getting annoyed, but he couldn't understand why. What in the hell was she trying to ask him, anyway? Why was she suddenly interrogating him about noodles? Can this girl get any weirder?

"Well, that's because… that's how you like them, isn't it?" he said, somewhat exasperated. "Do you not like them that way? Have I been making them wrong?"

"No, you buffoon. I do like them that way. But I never told you that, did I?"

"I don't know… didn't you?"

"No, I didn't." So what? What was she getting at? Ryuuji was growing weary of this grilling. He found himself feeling defensive all of a sudden, as if some secret were being exhumed. So what if he knew how her noodles were? She ate junk food all the time, didn't she? But, come to think of it, was that the case. He started thinking back on it. she ate dinner with him all the time, he prepared lunches for them, and breakfast too. Recently they'd been spending less time together, since Christmas.

Christmas. He remembered back to the days after Christmas, recovering from the flu. How he'd seen her across from him, when she was saying how she'd stop relying on him so he could get close to Minori. She had been eating the same Cup Noodles then.

"So don't you think it's strange that you know that about me?" Taiga asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. "it's not like you eat yours the same way. If anything, you put more water than normal in yours. I don't know how you stand eating such bland watery noodles."

"Yeah… I guess that is strange" he said, looking down at the floor. His eyes moved back and forth, going over the information. What does it all mean? Did I really just register some tiny detail like that from looking at a glimpse of her noodles from across the buildings and file it away subconsciously? He looked over at her, watching her slurp her noodles with reckless abandon. Little drops of curry broth splattered around her, giving the white hospital sheet a bunch of tiny orange dots.

Seriously, he thought. What a klutz. He smiled as he watched her. She had been so serious a moment ago and now she was completely absorbed in her food. But it's not like he was surprised, was he? He knew that about her. That and so much more. Suddenly, a frown came across his face. How would Minori eat noodles? He wondered suddenly. Or Ami, or Kitamura? That was strange, racking his brains, he was sure all of that information had presented itself throughout all of their various interactions. All those days, hanging out in school, in restaurants, working together at the festivals, studying together for exams. They all spent so much time in meaningless chit-chat to pass the hours, didn't they? And yet, all those conversations and he hadn't registered as much information about what they liked as he did in a glance across a building with Taiga.

"Hey, don't worry about it" Taiga said, feeling self-conscious. "It's just a cup of noodles, so don't stress too much, ok?" she had a sad smile on her face and her voice was low. "You'll give yourself wrinkles."

He smiled back at her gently. "I guess you're right. I suppose the last thing I need is a big frown line to go with these menacing eyes, huh?"

Now it was her turn to look down. Yeah, that's right! she wanted to say to him. You're already scary enough! But she couldn't bring herself to do it. couldn't keep it light. They're not scary at all. They're the kindest eyes that have ever looked my way. But she couldn't tell him that, either, could she? The air around them became still and heavy, and Taiga knew that their time was up.

"Hey… Taiga" he began. "About before. You know… in the snow…"

She knew this was it. He had been kind to her. He had stood up to her mother for her. he had made her noodles and stayed by her side, but this was really it. He really would have to go now. They wouldn't even be able to exist together in some awkward semi-friendship, like she had thought about before. Like how maybe they could still chat at school, and after a few months maybe he and Minori wouldn't feel so awkward around her and maybe they'd at least be able to go to Johnny's, the three of them, and have a conversation for old time's sake. She couldn't be by his side, but she could sit across from him, at least.

"It's… it's ok, Ryuuji" she said. "You, you don't have to say anything." Her right arm coiled over her knees and she buried her face in her forearm, letting her sleeve absorb the tears. They weren't even separate tears anymore but a continuous stream flowing out of her. she knew that he would sit there awkwardly for a minute or two, and then he'd get up and leave, looking over his shoulder with the regret brought on by knowing that they could've stayed friends if only she hadn't done all of this. Her left arm fell limply to her side as she cried silently. She wanted to face him, wanted to look into his eyes one last time without regret, hold a picture of him in her heart to remember him by. But even after all of this, she couldn't bring herself to do it. she cursed her weakness and waited, wishing that he would just hurry up and walk out of her life forever so she could be alone with it, with the coldness and darkness that was slowly consuming her.

And then there was a warmth on the hand that rested limply at her side.

She shifted her head slightly, looking down at her hand for the source.

It was Ryuuji's hand. Sitting on top of hers. Gripping it tightly.

"Ryuuji.." she said weakly, gasping as she lifted her head to look at him.

The tears were flowing down his face, identical to hers.

"It's not ok, Taiga!" he said, sobbing. "It's not, it's not, it's not!"

"Ryuuji!" she exclaimed.

"Why do I know so much about you, huh? Why?! Why do you know so much about me?"

"Ryuuji…"

"Do you think it's just a coincidence" he said calmly through his tears, "that the person I am supposed to be in love with is like some sort of hazy cloud in my mind? Some virtual stranger that I can barely place? When you, Taiga… you're so bright in my mind. So clear."

"I…" she tried, attempting to summon up some sort of response. She had turned her body completely towards him now, her legs hanging off the bed, hey eyes locked on his. Now she had the opposite problem: she desperately wanted to look away from him as her faces and ears got redder and redder, but she couldn't seem to tear her stare away from him.

"I think about you all the time, too, Ryuuji."

He gulped. Now it was his turn to turn a deep shade of crimson. He couldn't turn away either. they were like to cars heading straight towards each other. No brakes. No steering. Suddenly a thought came over him and he started crying even harder.

"It's ok, Ryuuji! Don't cry!"

"But… all this time" he said through the sobs. It just… it just hit me… all this time you've been suffering alone." His gaze broke from her, and he put his head down, watching the tears leave his eyes and land on the cold hospital floor. "For a long time now… I've been wondering. Wondering if there something changing about how I felt… but… I just assumed you kept pushing for me and Minori because you were a good friend. I thought 'of course Taiga would never have any feelings for me' and so I just kept going along with it, thinking I must like Minori. I just assumed all this without ever thinking about…" the tears got heavier and his voice started to crack. "About how much it was hurting you, about how lonely you were, about how you were such a good person even though you were so sad and alone and.."

His voice trailed off, lost to his sobs. He sobbed for what seemed like an hour, and then, as the tears started to trail off, the small hand he'd been holding all this time gripped his back even tighter.

"Hey" she said gently. "Think about what you're saying."

"Huh?' he mumbled, looking up. He almost gasped. Her face shocked him; it was the kindest, most warm smile he had even seen in his life. It was radiant, as if glowing like the sun.

"If you were thinking all of those things" she said, "Then I wasn't alone." Her other hand reached out and stroked his face. "We were suffering together, in the end."

Ryuuji smiled back at her. Now they were both held by each other's warmth, no longer alone, no longer afraid. "I guess we really are a pair of idiots, aren't we?"

"Yeah" she said. "I guess we are."

"Taiga… there's so much I want to tell you." She let go of his hand gently and shifted over in the bed.

"There's a lot I want to tell you too, Ryuuji." She patted the empty side of the bed. "But for now… I think…" her voice trailed off as she started to blush and lose her nerve.

"Mm" Ryuuji nodded. He got out of the chair and sat in the bed next to her, putting his arm around her. "I-Is that what you were thinking?" He looked up at the ceiling, stretching his chin up as if to not get to close. His face had turned the same shade of red as hers.

"Yeah" she said, breathing a sigh of relief into his chest as she buried her face in it. He smiled, relaxing as well. His chin came to rest on top of her head, and he stroked her back while she grabbed his other hand and held it tight.

They both started to feel sleepy, and they knew they were starting to drift off, but neither of them thought for even a second that they should move. They were perfectly happy, perfectly warm and comfortable in each other's arms. Finally, after everything that they had gone through, all the pain and suffering and loneliness, they had come together, in the middle of a treacherous blizzard on top of a snow-covered mountain. There would be a lot ahead of them; they knew that much. There were a lot of messes left lying around from all of their attempts to fix each other up with their respective best friends, and they weren't so naïve as to think that either of them had familial relationships that would go smoothly without any effort. They had a long road ahead of them, filled with adventures and challenges.

But none of that mattered right now. Just for tonight, they were the only two people in the world.