Colby and his posse zipped through the streets of Mushroom City while blasting Mariah Carey's "Fantasy." They made their first stop at a post office for Vernon to mail two gifts for his father: a camo phone case and a copy of Cormac McCarthy's The Road. As they made their way to a Costco, Daffy noticed the Mario Bros' work van in front of Wario's mansion.
"Hey, guys! Mario and Luigi must be working at Wario's place!"
"What are they doing there anyway?" Rick asked.
Rosalina hugged Rick and requested, "We would love to meet the boys there!"
Colby agreed but noted that they should get many items from Costco first. Once he found a spot in the congested parking lot, the Toads and ladies grabbed two carts from a corral and headed inside. Colby and Rick used their own shopping lists to guide them on what to buy. They first picked up natural shampoo and bars of soap near the entrance. With the latter's list, Daffy collected bags of Moo Moo jerky, quinoa, and dark chocolate/peanut butter cups; boxes of veggie spaghetti noodles, cheddar cracker pouches, and high-fiber protein bars; jars of marinara sauce, dill pickles, and hazelnut spread; and a whole rotisserie chicken. Courtesy of Rosalina and Pauline's strength and heights, a new office chair and a bottle of aged Merlot imported from Red Mountain Zone were added to the cart.
While Colby's posse continued with their large haul, he also picked up some snacks and toiletries. At the family planning section, he was looking at some condoms when a former roommate from college approached him. The orange Toad in a red work vest enrolled in medical school to become a urologist and got a job at the store pharmacy.
He smiled and greeted, "Hello, Colby! I am Gerald, your roommate from college. Don't you remember?"
Colby slowly replied, "I… kind of remember you from our biology class."
"I see you are looking at some condoms. Who's going to be the lucky gal tonight?" Gerald gleefully asked.
"It's two large women my friends and I are going to 'party' with or something."
"How large?"
"Around seven foot seven, healthy handfuls that are the size of Bob-ombs, and massive asses."
The description grabbed the attention of many people around Colby.
"Mm-hmm… now, as a store worker studying urology, it is PERFECTLY normal for me to recommend you some condoms. Since I worked on you a couple of years ago, I say you should go for the large or extra-large," Gerald said.
"That is good and all, but… the ladies have their own bulges," Colby stated while gesturing at his crotch.
Gerald raised an eyebrow, "I'm… sorry?"
"And they are not even human—they are nulges… as in 'null bulges."
"Well, you should be glad you came to me. I have studied a species that is similar to a leech, but it has different properties. You get those women to me and I will do the work," Gerald commanded as he handed Colby a card with his address.
5:00 PM, GERALD'S DORM
After dropping off their large Costco haul at their homes, the Toads and ladies arrived at Gerald's dormitory near a teaching hospital near Moonview Highway. The warm sunlight southwest shined the Badwagon when Colby parked it in the parking lot. Rosalina and Pauline strutted their assets and waved to the medical school students studying on a plaid picnic mat. Bystanders were confused or stunned. Upon reaching Gerald's dorm on the third floor, Colby knocked on the door. Gerald invited the six inside and wheeled in a rolling whiteboard with dry-erase markers.
"Thank you all for coming, everyone! Colby here has informed me that we have a pair of 'null bulges' in the bunch. Isn't that right, ladies?"
The bountiful babes stared at their twitching members. With their libido intact, they removed their shorts to reveal the glowing engorged lumps hanging from their groins. They whimpered with tears in their eyes as their opportunity to come was again denied. The four Toads looked at each other with straight faces.
"So, what's the problem with those 'things?'" Daffy asked and pointed at Rosalina's nulge.
Gerald began presenting by writing and drawing crude diagrams on the whiteboard, "In medical school, we have studied those organisms that have parasitic properties."
"They are parasites?" Colby said.
"Yes, Colby. Those parasites have no official name now because we discovered them a couple of weeks ago. A Birdo came into the ER with one of the males attached to their vagina," Gerald replied as he drew an organism with a phallic-looking appendage and labeled it "MALE."
"Wait—there is also a female?" Vernon asked.
"That's right! We found a female counterpart attached to Link, Hyrule's most celebrated warrior," Gerald continued while drawing and labeling an organism that has a hole where a host's penis would go, "He was lucky his penis did not atrophy because many of us acted quick and ripped that sucker off hard. It left stinging pain on him, but he is getting better now."
"So what can we do about [Rosalina and Pauline]?" Colby asked.
"Normally, we would get them to an ER, but I know you guys want to bang them," Gerald said as he put on a pair of medical gloves, "Let's make haste, boys! One of you should get two capsules out of the bedroom. We need to rip those suckers off of the ladies!"
Once Rick got the capsules in the living den, Gerald and the three Toads ripped the null bulge parasite off of Pauline and forced it into a capsule for Rick to close and secure it. They repeated the process for Rosalina. Shortly after Rick secured the other parasite, both ladies sat in the chairs spread-eagled with their wet vaginas exposed in the cool air. The parasites squirmed inside the capsules and the Toads held them still. Gerald kneeled to one capsule and precisely slid the syringe through a breathing hole to inject some euthanasia into the parasite's tender vein. It stopped squirming, glowing, and slumped down as Gerald gave the other one the same euthanasia. The Toads were amazed by how large, grotesque, and smelly the parasites were with their now-flaccid shafts oozing mint-colored, musky, gluey spooge and their tentacles making up both the side seams and butt plugs with the ends having leech-like properties that feed off the feces of a host from the inside. Each parasite had a set of gouging eyes that closely resembled those of Aileen Wuornos. Ten minutes later, four people in hazmat suits called in by Gerald dumped the euthanized organisms into a bright-red biohazard trash liner, then into a plastic container, and hauled them on a platform trolley to the medical school's biohazard sector.
Gerald thanked the men for helping him with great vigor. Colby asked, "How many of those specimens has the school collected?"
"One thousand," Gerald answered as he thoroughly washed his hands.
"SHIT! The kingdom must declare a state of emergency because we have this epidemic of parasites that latch onto our women!"
"And flamboyant swordfighters," Rick added.
"How many more of those bastards have to show up before we do a damn thing?!"
"If you men want the kingdom to declare a state of emergency, you should make your way down there right now," Gerald recommended.
"And what are you going to do?"
"I'll make sure these ladies get some rest and food," Gerald replied before making chicken noodle soup.
"Okay.—Come on, guys! We have a crisis to end!"
Colby and his friends rushed to the car and sped to Princess Peach's castle.